'''Airdate:''' January 29, 2006

We start with Peter receiving an invitation to attend his high school reunion, which he doesn't want to go to feeling he doesn't have anything special to show off. He goes anyway with the lie that he's now a cowboy astronaut billionaire. However, when he sees that one of his old pals is friends with Tom Brady of the New England Patriots, Peter accidentally reveals his brewery job, exposing him as a fraud. After feeling depressed, he races toward the bathroom to vomit and bowls over several attendees along the way. Impressed with his strong build, Brady offers Peter a spot on the Patriots football team, which he accepts.

Peter leads the Patriots to several victories and his newfound fame begins going to his head. This culminates in Peter showboating by leading the entire stadium audience to a show-stopping performance of [[Theatre/TheMusicMan "Shipoopi"]]. Finally having had enough, Brady kicks Peter off the team and his contract gets transferred to the London Silly Nannies, the worst football team in Europe. The Griffins move to London and Peter sees that his new teammates are prissy wimps, so he tries to get them riled up for an upcoming game against the Patriots. The Silly Nannies are scared away, but Peter still charges at the team, getting pummeled in the process. Even though the Silly Nannies lost, Brady congratulates Peter for still choosing to stand tall against the team. Peter is cheered up and the Griffins move back home.

Meanwhile, Stewie becomes a bookie and bets Brian $50 that Carroll Channing will beat Mike Tyson on ''Celebrity Boxing''. Thinking Tyson is a shoo-in, Brian accepts, but suprisingly, Channing wins and Brian has to pay a $50 debt. Brian tries to get out of it by promising Stewie he'll have the money by next week, but Stewie says no and in return, mercilessly beats him up. Another attempt to sneak past Stewie fails as Stewie shoots Brian in both knees and sets him on fire, which gets Brian to pay the debt.

!!"Patriot Games" contains examples of ([[YMMV/FamilyGuyS4E20PatriotGames YMMV goes here]]):
* AdamWesting: Jay Leno guest stars as himself being Tom Brady's stalker.
* CurbStompBattle: See NoHoldsBarredBeatdown below.
* DarkHorseVictory: Brian's prediction that Mike Tyson will win the boxing match against Carrol Channing is proven so wrong.
* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment: "At Wilkin's Hundai and Subaru, we have Hundais and Subarus!".
* TheDeterminator: Carrol Channing, no matter what, will ''not'' go down.
* EyeScream: Stewie breaks a glass cup near Brian's eyes.
* HiMom: During a news interview, Lois says hi to her mom and ''flips her off''.
* InsaneTrollLogic: Peter is proven not to be a cowboy astronaut billionaire because "the hat comes right off".
* KillItWithFire: Stewie sets Brian on fire with a flamethrower.
* NeverTrustATrailer: A promo picture for the episode showed Stewie on a jumbo-tron screen as if he was attempting to brainwash the spectators. Nothing like that appears here.
* NoHoldsBarredBeatdown: "WHERE'S MY MONEY?!?!?"
* NothingPersonal: In true gangster fashion, Stewie becomes affable and content the instant Brian finally pays up and is genuinely surprised that he holds a grudge over the two brutal beatings he recieved beforehand.
** After all, Brian did deserve it, and Stewie is his friend.
* {{Wimpification}}: Stewie in the second half.
* WouldHurtAChild: Brian at the end of the episode. Given, Stewie did offer him a revenge shot, but still.