A short story. The Eighth Doctor and Charley end up in Italy, just as it's won the 1982 World Cup. The Doctor is enjoying the party, but he also senses some aliens nearby, so he merrily dashes off into the dark woods to explore. Charley wearily follows him.

They come across the first two members of an alien invasion fleet, and decide to save the day using some clever {{Improv}}. "Lady [[SesquipedalianSmith Charleyostiantayshius]]" pretends to be a Gallifreyan observer (silly coat and everything) while the Doctor plays her bumbling, star-struck assistant who can't help {{squee}}ing over the fabled alien fleet captain. While he makes up a story about how Earth has contracted a nasty case of "World Cup Fever" (symptoms include dancing wildly and people mashing their faces together) and gets him drunk on "medicine", Charley tells the fleet's second-in-command that his only mention in the future chronicles is of a [[TooDumbToLive particularly stupid]] pet being named after him.

All this causes the two aliens two start punching each other in the face, and with the threat of the "virus" apparently imminent, they agree to let the Doctor teleport them home. He sends them to a very uninhabited moon instead.

!!Tropes:
* AgonyOfTheFeet: Subverted in that Thon doesn't feel a thing when a wrench falls on his foot.
* BavarianFireDrill
* BluffingTheAdvanceScout
* BreatherEpisode
* BumblingSidekick: The Doctor pretends to be this for Charley.
* ContemplateOurNavels: The Threllip aliens.
* DeadpanSnarker
--> '''Charley''': "Actually I rather fancy a moonlit stroll through an [[DontGoIntoTheWoods unfamiliar forest]] to search for some undoubtedly [[EverythingTryingToKillYou hostile creature]]."
** ComicallyMissingThePoint
--> '''The Doctor''': "Good, so do I!"
* DamnedByFaintPraise: Protip: the Doctor saying you're a very convincing Time Lady ''isn't'' a compliment, Charley.
* DistressCall
* DontGoIntoTheWoods
* GratuitousItalian
* {{Improv}}: In-universe.
* JustFollowingOrders: Captain Vegnorr says Thon wasn't created to anything else but.
* LivingLegend: The Doctor and Charley imply Vegnorr is this.
* ObfuscatingStupidity: The Doctor.
* OutRunTheFireball: The Doctor says despite experience, it's harder than it looks.
* SarcasmMode
* ShapedLikeItself: The things that look like guns actually ''are'' guns.
* TeamPet
* UnsuspectinglySoused: The Doctor convinces the captain to drink lots of wine under the pretense that it's a vaccine.
* TheVirus: Also known as '''WORLD CUP''' '''''FEVER'''''.
* TheWatcher: The Doctor and "Charleyostiantayshius" pretend to be observing Vengorr and Thon.
* WeNamedTheMonkeyJack: Thon doesn't take it as a compliment when told Vengorr names a pet after him.
* WigDressAccent: Charley is able to pass for a Time Lady using nothing but a fancy robe, a giant head ornament and a posh attitude. The Doctor's a bit scared by how well she does and tells her she's a better Gallifreyan than he'll ever be.