[[folder: Anime and manga ]]

->I can only make Japanese snacks. I am a bullshit magician.
-->-- '''Junichi''', in the ''VisualNovel/DaCapo'' Visual Novel.


[[folder: Comic Books ]]

->It's ''useless,'' that's what it is! Ma-Ti is the weakest one of all! Haw haw haw!
-->-- '''Wheeler''' answering himself [[LampshadeHanging asking the trope name]] in issue #3 of the ''WesternAnimation/{{Captain Planet|and the Planeteers}}'' ComicBook


[[folder: Film -- Live-action ]]

->'''Chicken''': You know the chickens are always ready to help you any way we can. But as you know...\\
'''Squeezit''': What can chickens do?\\
'''Chicken''': Precisely.

->'''Dulcea''': Adam... Adam, what's wrong?\\
'''Adam''': ''[disappointed]'' I'm a ''frog''.


[[folder: Literature ]]

->I couldn't believe it when I figured out your powers. I mean, could they be any more pathetic?
-->-- '''Yana Savari''', ''Literature/{{Fingerprints}}''


[[folder: Live-action TV ]]

->'''Marina Sirtis''': I can't watch my performance in the pilot.\\
'''Creator/WilWheaton''': But you're ''feeling so much pain!''\\
'''Sirtis''': (This is how they mock me.)\\
'''[=LeVar Burton=]''': ''And sadness!''
-->--''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'', 25 Anniversary panel

->Who looks at a ''screwdriver'' and thinks, "Ooohh, this could be a little more ''sonic''"?
-->-- '''Jack Harkess''', ''Series/DoctorWho'' ([[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS27E10TheDoctorDances}} "The Doctor Dances"]]

->She has the power to turn people ''bald''?! That is ''rubbish'' - (points around dramatically) Bald! Bald! Bald!
-->-- '''Nathan''', ''Series/{{Misfits}}''


[[folder: Music ]]

->My power is so ridiculous.''
-->--[[VideoGame/MegaMan2 Bubble Man]], ''[[Music/TheMegas Promise of Redemption]]''


[[folder: Video games ]]

->Your superpower, Create Organizational Carts, makes you a born leader of superheroes.
-->--Dossier on [[BadassBureaucrat The Crimson Tape]], ''VideoGame/SuperheroLeagueOfHoboken''


[[folder: Web Animation ]]

->Hey, wait a minute. Killing someone from long distance while making a loud noise? Isn't that the exact same power as a '''man with a gun'''?
-->-- '''''{{WebAnimation/Zero Punctuation}}''''', ''{{VideoGame/Dark}}''


[[folder: Webcomics ]]

->'''Andrew Hussie''': [Doze] is slow.\\
'''Caliborn''': THAT'S A HORRIBLE POWER.\\
'''Caliborn''': HOW IS THAT EVEN A POWER.\\
'''Andrew Hussie''': It just is.

->'''Octopus''': The Pain. His special ability was [[BeeBeeGun being covered in bees]].\\
'''Wolf''': Zat's a special ability?\\
'''Octopus''': ''I'' sure can't do it.


[[folder: Web Original ]]

->Killing [[VideoGame/MegaMan3 Top Man]] was the key to getting Mega Man's most useless Power-Up. The Top Spin took away all the barriers we'd put up between video games and [[OverlyNarrowSuperlative figure skating]].

->Look, we've all heard the constant jokes about how ComicBook/{{Aquaman}} sucks because he talks to fish lol, and I will 100% agree with you that they are [[NeverHeardThatOneBefore terrible, lazy gags that have been beaten so far into the ground over the past three decades that I'm amazed nobody struck oil.]] Worse, they became [[DeadHorseTrope a shorthand for superheroes as a whole]], so that anyone who wanted to look down on the entire genre of superhero comics -- and frequently the entire medium -- could smirk their way through repeating them ad infinitum... But the thing is, they're not exactly crafted from whole cloth. The thing that really makes them sting, that made them the ultimate superhero reader put-down for so long, and the thing that Aquaman's ardent defenders don't want to admit is that they're true.
-->-- '''Chris Sims''', [[http://comicsalliance.com/ask-chris-137-aquaman-super-friends-justice-league/ "Aquaman is Basically Terrible"]]

->You have to give the creators of the newspaper ''Spider-Man'' credit for always exploring new frontiers of total lameness on the part of their characters. In one corner, we have Big Time, a criminal mastermind [[ClockKing so committed to his laughable clock theme]] that he has some sort of clock-shaped pop-gun that spits out its minute hand as ammunition and is thus presumably useless after two shots; and in the other, we have the Amazing Spider-Man, who boasts of his 'spider reflexes,' which will help him dodge a projectile that hasn’t managed to cover about three feet of space in the time its taken him to thought-balloon a sentence and a half — only to have said reflexes completely disabled by ''a loud noise''. Determining the winner in this battle will be like a philosophical conundrum: can an object with no mass be moved by an infinitely weak force?
-->--'''''Blog/TheComicsCurmudgeon''''' [[http://joshreads.com/?p=1771 on]] ''ComicStrip/TheAmazingSpiderMan''

->Magneto finally realizes that it was Cortez who launched the missile, trying to provoke Magneto into wiping out humanity. Magneto confronts him, but it turns out that he’s grown dependent on Cortez’s powers, which are… uh… hang on… 'the ability to bolster another mutant’s power.' So he’s basically the s**tty class in an {{MMORPG}}. No wonder he’s so mad all the time.
-->--The ''WesternAnimation/XMen'' Episode Guide, [[http://comicsalliance.com/the-x-men-episode-guide-4x06-sanctuary-part-1-animated-series/ "Sanctuary, Part 1"]]

->So... basically, Ed's miracle machine turns people into salivating morons who think they're seeing floating fish. You know, Ed, you could have saved yourself a lot of time and effort and just given him a dose of LSD.
-->--'''''Website/TheAgonyBooth''''' on ''Film/BatmanForever''

->Meanwhile, the Jackal's [[VillainTeamUp recruitment drive continues]], this time hooking up with the Tarantula, a South American assassin with -- get this -- [[NiceShoes pointy shoes]] which he uses to stun or drug his enemies by kicking them. He's actually cooler than he sounds, but not by much.
-->--'''''[[http://asitecalledfred.com/comics101/69.html Comics 101]]''''' on ''ComicBook/TheCloneSaga''

->Despite a range of powers that extend to "bright lights that can hurt a bit," [[ComicBook/XMen Jubilee]] has been in every group and series with an "X" in the title except [=XXXtube=] (give it time)... They've tried for years to make her kick ass, equipping her with everything from graviton gloves through Pym Particles to antigravity plates. They even -- no shit -- turned her into a vampire, going so far as to transfuse her with Wolverine's blood. They even got rid of her stupid original powers, but it's a lost cause: If traumatic orphanization doesn't make you kick ass at fighting crime, nothing will. (Her main function is now as a living museum of the superheroic fashion mistakes.)
-->-- '''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-8-worst-x-men-ever_p2/#ixzz2akxjJ4VT The 8 Worst X-Men Ever]]"


[[folder: Web Video ]]

->''A handful of swords in ''[[Literature/LordOfTheRings Lord of the Rings]]''\\
Orcrist, Sting and lovely Glamdring\\
Magical blades that it was soon found\\
Would glow a bit blue when orcs were around\\
One wonders [[FridgeLogic if it's that useful a feature]]\\
'Cause orcs [[FailedASpotCheck aren't really the subtlest creature]]\\
Would your sword really spot them before ''you'' do?\\
Whatever, it's also a thing that glows blue''
-->--'''Creator/BenCroshaw''', [[http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/jim-yahtzees-rhymedown-spectacular/8697-Glow-Blue "Glow Blue"]]

->At my most bad-ass, I make people feel like they want to take a shower.
-->-- '''Moist''' on his 'super power', ''WebVideo/DoctorHorriblesSingAlongBlog''

->I'm just trying to figure out what I can do with a man whose weakness is [[WeaksauceWeakness room temperature.]]
-->--'''[[{{ComicBook/XMen}} Xavier]]''' fires Iceman, ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Df87Ip_NXq8 The Pete Holmes Show]]''

->[[CallingYourAttacks Useless Attack Blast!]]
-->'''Sailor Mercury''', ''WebVideo/SailorMoonAbridged''

->He has the power to look like he's in the "Take On Me" music video and that is scary.
-->--'''Creator/JimSterling''' on [[Film/DoubleDragon Koga Shuko]]

-->-- ''Blog/MarkReadsTwilight''

->And he's got all sorts of other spells, but I seriously doubt the tickle charm is gonna help him much in the fight, so let's move on.
-->--''WebAnimation/DeathBattle[[http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lRLuPHvF6Fo : Luke Skywalker VS Harry Potter]]''

->That kid got fuckin' screwed. That's not a power...Here's all my friends with these tangible cool fuckin' powers, and I get 'Heart'!" ''FUCK'' YOU!
-->--'''Jenna Marbles''' on [[http://youtu.be/ROZjaxT_0Hw?t=2m45s What Kid Shows Taught Me]]'''


[[folder: Western Animation ]]

->And Meltman! With the power to... ''(DramaticPause)'' '''''[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin MELT]]!'''''
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/ActionLeagueNOW!''

->'''Wonderheart Bear''': I have this crummy old heart. It could be anything.
-->--''[[WesternAnimation/CareBearsWelcomeToCareALot Care Bears: Welcome to Care-a-Lot]]'', "In a Flash"

->'''ComicBook/{{Aquaman}}:''' My ability to speak with fish is of no help, Wonder Woman!\\
'''WonderWoman:''' (''rolls eyes'')
-->-- Creator/CartoonNetwork short [[CrossOver crossing over]] ''WesternAnimation/{{Superfriends}}'' and ''WesternAnimation/ThePowerpuffGirls''

->'''Super Sam:''' Anti Timmy Force Four? Sounds villainous to me.\\
'''Wet Willie:''' Please tell me they're near a coastline.\\
'''Dark Mark:''' This Anti Timmy Force Four must be plotting to take over this galaxy. We must crush them!\\
'''Wet Willie:''' -or pool? Perhaps a fountain?\\
'''Timmy:''' What? No! They were my friends!\\
'''Joan Jet:''' That's what they wanted you to think.\\
'''Dark Mark:''' I'll press these randomly beeping and colorful buttons to track down their exact location. (presses buttons)\\
'''Wet Willie:''' A tub? A damp sponge? Throw me a bone, will you? A wet bone.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheFairlyOddParents'', "Power Pals"

->Maybe we should've given you a better super-power...
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/SpongebobSquarepants'', regarding Patrick's ice cream-based powers, ''WesternAnimation/TheSpongebobMovieSpongeOutOfWater''

->''[[BigBad/WesternAnimation Zarm]] forces the Planeteers to have individual uneven "battles" against him.''\\
'''Ma-Ti:''' (''bursting into tears'') I cannot stop you, Zarm. My ring is the power of Heart, which allows us to love. Heart to care for our planet and friends. My ring will not touch ''you'' because... you have no heart!\\
'''Zarm:''' (''laughing mockingly'') You fool! It's Heart that makes you ''weak''! So prepare yourself, weakling. (''gets ready to kill Ma-Ti'')
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/CaptainPlanetAndThePlaneteers'', "Summit to Save Earth, Part II". [[spoiler:Don't worry, the cavalry arrives just in time.]]

->'''Zan:''' Wait a minute, how come I always change into something lame like ice? I'm always a wave or a puddle?
->'''Jayna:''' I don't know, Zan. This isn't the time or the place to get into this.
->'''Zan:''' Well when are we gonna talk about it?! What kind of superpower do I ''really'' have?! I mean, when you get right down to it--!
->'''Jayna:''' Zan, relax!
->'''Zan:''' I can be beaten by a ''sponge''! It wouldn't even have to be an ''evil'' sponge!
->'''Jayna:''' ''Just drop it, Zan!''
->'''Zan:''' I'm serious!
-->--'''The ComicBook/WonderTwins''' in a Creator/CartoonNetwork editorial spot

->Astral Projection? [[AnimateInanimateObject "Motion for the Motionless"]]? ''Yin-Yang''? Aww, how come I get all the loser powers?
-->-- Finn, ''WesternAnimation/JackieChanAdventures''