->''When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town''\\
''With a foot-and-a-half of water''\\
''Everyone was all right, but I cried all night;''\\
''It blew my alphabet blocks out of order''
-->-- '''Hermes Conrad, WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'''

-> Late last night I returned home from my duties as royal envoy, to find my kin in a greater uproar than the southern city I had left behind. Ten months of Westgate's problems shrivel to insignificance when compared to the tragedy that has befallen the clan of the Wyvernspurs of Immersea.\\
How could the flattening of an entire neighborhood by a dragon corpse, followed by an earthquake and an underworld power-struggle, hope to compete with the theft of a family heirloom no larger than a zucchini and uglier than three-week-old sausage?
-->-- '''Giogioni Wvvernspur''', ''[[ForgottenRealms Wyvern's Spur]]''

->'''Lana''': Ray is dying!\\
'''Archer''': Does that mean so must my dream?
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/{{Archer}}, whose dream involved forming a lacrosse team out of RuthlessModernPirates''

->''(after finding out that Alan accidentally roofied them)''\\
'''Stu''': You are such a fucking moron!\\
'''Alan''': Your language is offensive!
-->-- ''Film/TheHangover''

->'''Lister''': You've got to get your priorities right! You know, it's like those people you read about who run back into a burning house to rescue some treasured piece of furniture and wind up burning to death. I mean, nothing's more important than a human life!\\
'''Rimmer''': What about your guitar?\\
'''Lister''': ...except my guitar.
-->-- ''Series/RedDwarf'', "Marooned"

->"Hey commander. Check it out! Big news; the new Blasto movie is breaking opening-week records! There's also a big expose on quasar tournaments, tips on how to make your apartment look bigger, and... oh yeah, ''a big-ass [[EldritchAbomination Reaper]] invasion."''
-->-- '''Joker''', complaining about this in ''VideoGame/MassEffect3''

->'''Lucy''': Hey, manager! I think we should call the game.\\
'''Charlie Brown''': Call the game?! Why should we call the game?\\
'''Lucy''': It's raining on my cake!
-->-- ''ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}}''

->'''Cartman''': (crying) My dad [[spoiler:was a ginger]]!\\
'''Kyle''': Dude, you [[spoiler:killed your own dad]] and you're worried about that?!
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark''

->You care about me saying "Mudblood" when I'm about to kill you?
-->-- '''Draco Malfoy''' to [[spoiler:'''Albus Dumbledore''']], ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheHalfBloodPrince''

->I hate to remind everyone but, um, I've just destroyed a merger that probably took hundreds of years to set up, the office is on fire, Denholm is furious-- so can we please please concentrate on what's important '''''[[ItMakesSenseInContext AND HELP ME PUT ON MY SHOES!]]'''''
-->-- '''Jen, Series/TheITCrowd'''

->'''Rarity''': I was ''this'' close to getting that diamond!\\
'''Twilight''': (annoyed) You mean...getting rid of that dragon?\\
'''Rarity''': Oh, yeah...sure.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic''

->The whole Earth may be sucked into hell, and ''you'' want my help 'cause [[CrazyJealousGuy your girlfriend's a big 'ho?]] Well, let me take this opportunity to not care.
-->-- '''Buffy''' to Spike, ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer''

->Chuck's over there tripping out, and talking to a group of unknown synthetic beings living on a planet with wildlife about as deadly as the last one we were on, and the first thing you think is to defend your heterosexuality? What is '''WRONG''' with you?!
-->-- '''Risky''', ''Roleplay/WeAreOurAvatars''

->'''Mickey''': What's a horse doing on a spaceship?\\
'''The Doctor''': Mickey, what's ''pre-revolutionary France'' doing on a spaceship? Get a little perspective!
-->-- ''Series/DoctorWho'', "The Girl in the Fireplace"

->'''Brookyln Guy''': That [phone call] does not matter, you are taking a test and you're driving [[RealisticDictionIsUnrealistic is da-is dangerous-]]\\
'''Bowser''': But [my mother is] cooking spaghetti!\\
'''Bowser''': Oh my God, what, [[ComicallyMissingThePoint you don't want spaghetti, are you a hater-?]]\\
'''Brookyln Guy''': ''I'm not in the mood for spaghetti!''
-->-- ''WebVideo/SuperMarioLogan'', "Bowser's Drivers License!"

->'''Eric Taylor''': Can I ask you a question? How can you even think about that stuff when you're in the mess that [[YourCheatingHeart you are with your wife?]] Really.\\
'''Buddy Garrity''': Pam will forgive me.\\
'''Eric Taylor''': You think? You know what I think? I think you hide your head in football a little too much, Buddy. 'Cause I don't think you should care about the semis. I don't think you should care about who I'm having dinner with, or who the hell is even coaching the team. I think you need to worry about your family.
-->-- ''Series/FridayNightLights'', "Extended Families"

->''[During a FlashedBadgeHijack chase]''\\
'''[[Series/NewGirl Jess Day]]:''' Hey, watch my soup!\\
'''[[Series/BrooklynNineNine Detective Jake Peralta]]:''' I'm chasing a criminal! [[LampshadeHanging Your soup is not important!]]\\
'''Jess Day:''' You took an oath to serve and protect. That applies to my soup.\\
'''Detective Jake Peralta:''' You ''know'' that's not what the oath is about. You're making a point you don't even believe in.\\
'''Jess Day:''' ''GARBAGE TRUCK!''\\
''[The car crashes]''\\
'''Detective Jake Peralta''' Dammit! He got away.\\
'''Jess Day:''' Yeah, well, I spilled my soup. You tell me which is worse.\\
'''Detective Jake Peralta:''' '''''My''' thing! '''Very clearly''' my thing!''
-->-- ''Series/BrooklynNineNine'' ([[{{Crossover}} and]] ''Series/NewGirl''), "The Night Shift"

->'''Rarity''': (while [[BlobMonster the Smooze]] is overrunning the Gala) My shoes will be ruined forever! \\
'''Applejack''': That's what you're worried about? Really?
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic'', "Make New Friends But Keep Discord''

->'''dril''': Food $200\\
Data $150\\
Rent $800\\
Candles $3,600\\
Utility $150\\
someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying\\
'''craig''': [[StatingTheSimpleSolution spend less on candles]]\\
'''dril''': no

->''We must be ready for war. No, not that kind of war! (Shows title card for his War Stories video) This is something far more serious than people dying, even more important than real life economic turmoil and geopolitical conflict. This is the greatest external threat a writer will ever face, [[{{GIFT}} people on the Internet saying mean things about one's work!]]"
-->-- ''WebAnimation/TerribleWritingAdvice'', '''[[https://youtu.be/-v4R2ZcxPlA TAKING CRITICISM]]'''

->'''Rata''': ''Got to say, kind of progressive of you to join a metrosexual biker gang.''
->'''[[SyntheticVoiceActor The One Whose Shape Was Snatched]]''': ''You absolute donkey. This is no measly biker outfit, but the uniform for the [[TabletopGame/YuGiOh Cyberdark Impacts]], a new age activist group dedicated to constructing many houses and schools for the purpose of educating a small solitary man by the name of Billbury.''
->'''Rata''': *{{beat}}* Sorry, did-what?
-->-- WebVideo/RANK10YGO, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dv841zDd1mo&t=335s Archetype Archive - Cyberdark]]

-> '''Vocational Guidance Counselor:''' Do you have any qualifications [to become a lion tamer]?\\
'''Mr. Anchovy:''' Yes, I've got a hat.\\
'''Vocational Guidance Counselor:''' A ''hat.''\\
'''Mr. Anchovy:''' Yes, a hat. A lion taming hat. A hat with 'lion tamer' on it. I got it at Harrods. And it lights up saying 'lion tamer' in great big neon letters, so that you can tame them after dark when they're less stroppy.\\
'''Vocational Guidance Counselor:''' Yes, yes, I do follow the strategy. But you see, the snag is, if I now call Mr. Chipperfield and say to him: "Look here, I've got a 45-year-old chartered accountant with me who wants to become a lion tamer", his first question is not going to be: "Does he have his own hat". He's going to ask what sort of experience you've had with lions.
-->-- ''Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus'', '''Vocational Guidance Counselor Sketch'''

->''"When Ron Artest was a rookie with the Chicago Bulls, he applied for a job at Circuit City to get the employee discount. If you know anything about economics and professional basketball salaries, this is a lot like dismembering only dwarf prostitutes for the plastic bag savings...If Ron Artest was an economist, he would immediately quit to lower his business card expenses. After he joined the Indiana Pacers, Ron started a side job promoting a girl group [[OneHitWonder whose only hit was a Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam cover]]. He nagged his coach for a month off to pursue this and got suspended for two games. Economically speaking, this the same as taking $200,000 out of the bank to raise money-eating beetles."''
-->-- '''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-athletes-who-had-more-crazy-than-talent/#ixzz33B6lIpHL "7 Athletes Who Had More Crazy Than Talent"]]

->Not only did {{Wrestling/WCW}} begin to sign names, but at the advice of their PPV head, Sharon Sidello, they also began to film expensive skits in an effort to sell their upcoming shows. These weren't cheap-looking productions filmed with standard television equipment; they were professionally filmed, and they looked like honest-to-God movies. And why not? They had the Turner family behind them, and if anyone could make such a production look high-end, it would be them. The only problem was that these skits were [[{{Narm}} so horribly written and acted]] that the results were laughable, at best...Instead, fans were "treated" to {{Wrestling/Sting}} and [[Wrestling/DaveyBoySmith Davey Boy]] playing volleyball with orphans on an island--and this is a direct quote--"[[CriticalResearchFailure somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico.]]" Wrestling/{{Vader}} and Wrestling/{{Sid|Eudy}} showed up to crash the party (on a war boat, no less!) and challenged the good guys to outdo them in a clam bake. No, just kidding, they challenged them to a match at Beach Blast. In the meantime, an evil one-eyed midget named Cheatum (yes, as in "[[PunnyName cheat them]]") planted a bomb on Sting's boat and blew it to smithereens as the heels had a good laugh.\\\
Let's look at the two scenarios we've presented. Scenario one, in which the {{heel}}s beat up the {{face}}s and leave them sprawled out in the ring, would have cost approximately $0 extra to film. Scenario two, the amazingly well-produced but equally amazingly poorly written and performed orphans/ war boat/one-eyed midget/boat explosion route, [[IncompetenceInc wound up costing $80,000.]]
-->-- '''R. D. Reynolds''' and '''Bryan Alvarez''' ''Literature/TheDeathOfWCW''

->''"Oh, goody! That means I can go back inside and keep playing ''VideoGame/{{Minecraft}}''!"''
-->-- '''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' [-(On severe flooding in Brisbane)-]

->''"Several months after the second movie, Sunsoft released a tie-in game for the NES. The developers were able to make the game [[NoProblemWithLicensedGames surprisingly faithful]], despite being based on such unorthodox source material. The levels are almost all based on scenes from the movie, as are the weapons and many of the enemies...It's rather ironic that Sunsoft did a much better job adapting such an oddball film compared to some of their more well known releases such as ''[[{{VideoGame/BatmanSunsoft}} Batman]]''."''
-->-- '''Keith [=McDOnald=]''' and '''Sam Derboo''' [[http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/gremlins/gremlins2.htm on]] ''Film/Gremlins2TheNewBatch''

->Creator/GeorgeClooney married Amal Alamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an adviser to Kofi Annan regarding Syria and was selected for a three person U.N. commission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza Strip. So tonight her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award.
-->-- '''Creator/TinaFey''', presenting the 2015 Golden Globes

->And after that annoyance of natural disasters [a flood] was over, I searched for my [[UsefulNotes/NintendoEntertainmentSystem Nintendo]]. I mean sure, there could be people DEAD outside, lying in the streets, DEAD. I ''should'' help them, but... Nintendo important!
-->-- '''WebVideo/{{Yuriofwind}}''', [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDh6s0-stXA&t=2m49s Bullshit Creepypasta Storytime: Super Mario Bros 3 Transfer]]

->"Oh, you're bleeding everywhere! Oh, you're bleeding everywhere! Get it off my designer Gucci glasses, and my Gucci purse!
-->-- '''WebVideo/GameGrumps'''; Jon, after Arin "shoots himself" because of [[TheProblemWithLicensedGames Rugrats in Paris: The Movie]]

->'''Wirz''': As I have said--''as I say for the last time''--it was, to me, a military situation.\\
'''Chipman''': But that was ''not'' a military situation; those helpless, unarmed men were no longer the enemy. Here was no longer a question of North or South, no longer a question of war, only a question of human beings.
-->-- ''Theatre/TheAndersonvilleTrial'', in regards to Henry Wirz's mindset in treating the prisoners at Andersonville. Obviously ''not'' PlayedForLaughs.