->'''TV: Hey you! Yeah, you! Come on down to Big Roy's Used Cars and Trucks! We've got what ''you'' want, at a price ''you'' can afford!'''
->'''Millie:''' There has to be a false advertising lawsuit here somewhere. My allowance is two dollars a week, and what I really want is either world peace or a twenty pound "Snickers" bar.
-->-- [[https://ozyandmillie.org/1998/05-11/ This Strip]]

->'''Announcer:''' And he's tackled on the five yard line with just ten seconds left in the half! Boy, I tell ya, Ed, '''now''' they're really gonna play football!
->'''Millie:''' What were they playing before? Cribbage?
->'''Ozy:''' Beats me. To me it always looks like they're walking funny and bumping into each other.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1998/05-12/ This Strip]]

->''I don't care if it stunts my growth. '''I... Need... Coffee.'''''
-->-- '''Millie''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1998/05-19/ This Strip]]

->'''Ozy:''' Strike three!
->'''Millie:''' Pitch something bigger!
->'''Ozy:''' That was a ''watermelon''.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1998/06-03/ This Strip]]

->You know you're serene when you don't care that there's a bug on your face.
-->--'''Ozy''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1998/06-16/ This Strip]]

->'''Millie:''' I figure the first step in a presidential campaign is to take some polls. You know, see what's on the public's mind.
->'''Ozy:''' Ask away.
->'''Millie:''' Question one: How much Jell-O do you think it would take to completely fill TheWhiteHouse?
->[[[BeatPanel Beat]]]
->'''Millie:''' I'll just put you down as a 5% margin of error, okay?
->'''Ozy:''' I think your whole ''campaign'' is a margin of error.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1998/06-22/ This Strip]]

->'''Timulty:''' You look sad. Here, have a piece of blue string.
->'''Ozy:''' Thanks.
->[[[BeatPanel Beat]]]
->'''Ozy:''' The interesting part is, I actually do feel better.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1998/07-17/ This Strip]]

->'''Millie:''' Ozy, how do you think the brain works?
->'''Felicia:''' Heyyyyy Millie... Is that your '''boyyyyyfriend?''' Are you gonna '''marry''' him? '''Oooooooooooo!''' Hahahahahahahaha!
->'''Ozy:''' Sometimes it doesn't.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1998/07-29/ This Strip]]

->'''Millie: Ozy! Ozy!''' You won't '''believe''' what I just saw! I didn't get a good look... but it was '''big''' and '''scary''' and '''menacing''' and I felt a '''chill''' as it moved by! And I saw it go '''right towards your house!!'''
->'''Ozy:''' You mean my dad?
->'''Millie:''' Ha ha. I get stuck in the classroom sink '''once''' and everybody stops taking me seriously.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1998/09-15/ This Strip]]

->'''Ms. Mudd:''' Millie, your teacher sent a note home suggesting that children come along to the first PTA meeting.
->'''Millie:''' I know. I' coming along to protect you.
->'''Ms. Mudd:''' To protect me.
->'''Millie:''' I have reason to suspect Ozy's dad is going to try to eat you.
->'''Ms. Mudd:''' This is going to be one of '''those''' evenings, isn't it, kiddo?
->'''Millie:''' Do you think this squirtgun is big enough?
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1998/09-23/ This Strip]]

->'''Sign:''' haircutz $5
->'''Ozy:''' Oh, come on now... Who on Earth would be dumb enough to let you cut their hair?
->'''Millie:''' *[[BeatPanel Evil Grin]]*
->'''Ozy:''' [[GilliganCut I have this feeling that someday I'll be relating this to a psychiatrist.]]
->'''Millie:''' Oh, hush. I paid you five bucks, didn't I?
-->--[[http://ozyandmillie.org/1998/10-07/ This Strip]]

->Millie Presents '''Ways to Get Out of Doing Work #1:''' If your excuse is incoherent enough, people won't ask any questions.
->Mr. Larnblatt, I promise I would have practiced, but I '''really''' had to reconfigure the most recent styrofoam grapefruit.
-->--[[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/01-07/ This Strip]]

->'''Llewellyn:''' How'd you like to participate in the ancient, secret dragon ritual of "Parcheesi"?
->'''Millie:''' I've played parcheesi. It's not such a big secret.
->'''Llewellyn:''' It is when it's "''house rules''" Parcheesi. [gets out helmet and pads] Here, you might want to put these on.
-->--[[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/01-25/ This Strip]]

->'''Millie:''' I wonder why they call it "im''peach''ment".
->'''Ozy:''' Do I want to know what you mean?
->'''Millie:''' I just mean, why peaches? Why not blueberries? Or apples? Or pears?
->'''Ozy:''' [[{{Pun}} Because everybody involved is already impaired.]]
->'''Millie:''' Don't make me dump this orange juice on your head.
-->--[[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/01-29/ This Strip]]

->Millie Presents '''Ways to Get Out of Doing Work #2:''' Invent injuries that are too obscure to refute.
->Ms. Splintmasn, as much as I'd '''love''' to play full-contact volleyball, I need to be excused. I have interzorzmodic elbow, knee and head counterfrabulations.
-->--[[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/02-03/ This Strip]]

->There's a lesson here somewhere, and in the interest of science I'm determined not to learn it.
-->--'''Stephan''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/03-29/ This Strip]]

->You know, it takes real skill to make democracy look like such a stupid idea.
-->--'''Ozy''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/05-03/ This Strip]]

->Sometimes it seems like grownups are trying to tell me that being good is no substitute for being bad with style.
-->--'''Millie''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/05-10/ This Strip]]

->'''Ozy:''' I'm trying to decide if I should consider that reassuring or scary.
->'''Millie:''' Does it have to be one or the other?
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/07-13/ This Strip]]

->'''Ozy:''' Actually, I lead a very active inner life.
->'''Millie:''' Then maybe this strip should be taking place in your spleen.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/07-30/ This Strip]]

->'''Ozy:''' You got ''another'' telemarketer to hang up on you?
->'''Llewellyn:''' Son, add this to the list of things that civilty can get you.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/08-20/ This Strip]]

->'''Millie:''' Hide and seek?
->'''Ozy:''' Sure. Where?
->'''Millie:''' How about your house?
->'''Ozy:''' Okay, sure... But this time, remember, the moat is off limits.
->'''Millie:''' Oh yeah, like I have burning desire to get covered in algae again.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/09-06/ This Strip]]

->'''Ozy:''' Dad, have you seen Millie?
->'''Llewellyn:''' I think I saw her hiding between the couch cushions. You don't suppose she's unprepared for the... idiosyncrasies of our furniture, do you?
->'''Ozy:''' More than likely. I've seen her couch. It mostly contains lint.
->'''Llewellyn:''' Well, lint, inter-dimensional vortex... same general ballpark.
->'''Ozy:''' You do realize this is why I've started tuning you out a lot of the time.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/09-17/ This Strip]]


->'''Millie:''' I had a good time at Ozy's house today.
->'''Ms. Mudd:''' Oh? That's good.
->'''Millie:''' Ozy's dad's couch has a gateway to some other universe in it. I wandered in and discovered that they have checkerboard buildings and grownups take orders from kids, and I met a pirate captain my age who took me in the "S.S. Banana" to the store to buy gum.
->'''Ms. Mudd:''' *Stare*
->'''School Secretary:''' [To Principal] Ms. Mudd is on the phone. She wants us to check the chemical content of the school water supply again.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/09-27/ This Strip]]

->It's great to know cool kids don't have a monopoly on deluded hedonism.
-->--'''Millie''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/10-01/ This Strip]]

->Last week, the birth of a baby in Sarajevo brought the human population of Earth to six billion. If you're "one in a million", there are now six thousand of you.
-->--'''Ozy''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/10-18/ This Strip]]

->Some days I get the feeling that my role in life's rich pageant was originally written for [[Film/TheThreeStooges Curly Howard]].
-->--'''Millie''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/11-15/ This Strip]]

->'''Millie:''' {{Grunge}} is not dead!
->'''Ozy:''' ...It just ''smells'' that way.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/11-17/ This Strip]]

->Um, Ozy? ...Your poker face is fine, but you '''really''' need to work on your poker butt.
-->--'''Millie''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/11-18/ This Strip]]

->Someone who's truly secure in their beliefs shouldn't feel threatened by dissent.
-->--'''Ozy''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/11-23/ This Strip]]

->You managed to get sent to the school psychiatrist before '''me'''?? I feel like such a '''failure!'''
-->--'''Millie''', to Ozy, [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/11-26/ This Strip]]

->'''Dr. Wahnsinnig:''' Say, isn't there a school rule that mandates the wearing of pants?
->'''[[HalfDressedCartoonAnimal Ozy:]]''' I checked. No.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/11-29/ This Strip]]

->'''Ozy:''' I'd be lying if I said I was popular. [...] I mostly just regret my place in the playground social order when I'm getting stuffed in trash cans by [[DeadpanSnarker healthy, well-adjusted, all-American young men.]]
->'''Dr. Wahnsinnig:''' On behalf of the American elementary school establishment: ouch.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/12-01/ This Strip]]

->''CELEBRATE DIVERSITY''
->'''''You Are Unique!'''''
->''Always be yourself!''\\
Starting tomorrow: Wear your uniforms!
-->--'''Signs on School Wall''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/12-13/ This Strip]]

->'''Ms. Mudd:''' So that's your school uniform.
->'''Millie:''' Yeah.
->'''Ms. Mudd:''' Goodness. Don't you look... Um... [{{Beat|Panel}}] I can't lie. You look like a dweeb.
->'''Millie:''' You '''''can't''?''' What did you do, sleep through law school?
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/1999/12-14/ This Strip]]

->'''Millie: ''Oh''''' my '''''gosh''!''' I'm a '''''criminal!''''' I just read that copying [=CDs=] onto cassettes is a '''''crime!''''' I'm a repeat offender! I could spend the rest of my life '''''up the river!''''' Why are you looking at me like that?\\
'''Ozy:''' Like what?\\
'''Millie:''' Like I just morphed into a giant booger.
->'''Ozy:''' Just promise me you haven't been cutting tags off mattresses.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/01-23/ This Strip]]

->UsefulNotes/{{Belgium}} has nothing on you in the waffle department.
-->-- '''Dr. Wahnsinnig''', to Principal Beau Vine, [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/01-28/ This Strip]]

->'''Ozy:''' Do you suppose there's a lesson in all this?
->'''Millie:''' That maturity and wisdom are in the same category of adult fabrications as SantaClaus?
->'''Ozy:''' I thought we already ''knew'' that.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/02-09/ This Strip]]

->'''Millie:''' See? It doesn't ''have'' to come down.
->'''Ozy:''' It's probably a good thing for science that UsefulNotes/IsaacNewton never threw Jell-O at the ceiling.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/02-15/ This Strip]]

->'''Yeah, well, go stick an eggplant in your nose!''' (BeatPanel) Dang it, why is it always the middle of the night when you finally think of the perfect witty retort?'
-->-- '''Millie''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/02-22/ This Strip]]

->It wasn't me! It was my '''muse!'''
-->-- '''Millie''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/02-23/ This Strip]]

->'''Locke:''' What are those kids doing?
->'''Ozy:''' Playing "Football". They toss around a ball that isn't actually round, and then jump on each other.
->'''Locke:''' Oh. So is it, like, the school's chain gang for arsonists?
->'''Ozy:''' More like a brain leper colony.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/03-13/ This Strip]]

->'''Ozy:''' Just don't do anything Millie wouldn't do.
->'''Locke:''' Okay, that should be easy enough. '''''Listen up, everybody! We're going to consolidate our pirate booty, and then pillage the principal's office!'''''
->'''Ozy:''' [{{Facepalm}}] [Thinking] Shoot... I forgot he's ''met'' her.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/03-15/ This Strip]]

->'''Locke:''' Coming along on the big raid, Ozy?
->'''Ozy:''' No, I think I'll hang back and watch.
->'''Locke:''' You sure? Glory awaits!
->'''Ozy:''' Maybe so, but it violates an axiom I try to live by.
->'''Locke:''' What axiom?
->'''Ozy:''' "Never do anything phenomenally stupid."
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/03-21/ This Strip]]

->'''Millie:''' ...So, in order to escape the anxiety of taking a test, I'm going to go command some pirates for a day.
->'''Llwellyn:''' It has a certain... internal logic.
->'''Millie:''' Thanks!
->'''Llwellyn:''' Though it ''is'' somewhat reminiscent of the time I tried to get out of a coffee date by booking a ride on UsefulNotes/TheHindenburg.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/03-27/ This Strip]]

->Why is it that I only ever learn moral lessons with zero relevance to absolutely anything?
-->-- '''Millie''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/04-06/ This Strip]]

->Every time I think I've learned the least useful lesson in the world, life somehow manages to top itself.
-->-- '''Millie''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/04-07/ This Strip]]

->'''Ms. Mudd:''' Look at this. I mean, ''look'' at this. Nobody in the world seems to know how to use apostrophes anymore. Correct English seems to have become entirely optional. Sloppy language is a symptom ''and'' a cause of sloppy thinking. Sometimes I fear for the intellectual future of out culture.
->'''Millie:''' Yeah, I'm sure the starving kids in UsefulNotes/{{Somalia}} are losing ''tons'' of sleep.
->'''Ms. Mudd:''' My attempt to get you to eat your peas by instilling global perspective is going to haunt me forever, isn't it?
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/05-09/ This Strip]]

->'''Millie:''' [[AlphaBitch Felicia]] asked my advice on something today.
->(BeatPanel)
->(BeatPanel)
->'''Ozy:''' I assume you're having someone analyze the chemical make-up of the cafeteria food.
->'''Stephan:''' Inceidentally, you don't want to know what they're claiming is "Jell-O".
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/05-11/ This Strip]]

->'''Stephan:''' What do you think?
->'''Ozy:''' I think love is a brutal feifdom we enter at our own peril, well knowing the cost but also the reward. It's an inward, unguided quest, an odyssey of uncertain direction, but leading into the gaping maw of fate.
->[[BeatPanel Beat]]
->'''Ozy:''' I'm being incoherent, aren't I?
->'''Stephan:''' [[SarcasmMode No, that was ]]'''[[SarcasmMode fabulous]]'''.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/05-19/ This Strip]]

->'''Ozy:''' Dad, love is complicated, isn't it?
->'''Llewellyn:''' Why, son, I'm surprised to hear you speak of love.
->'''Ozy:''' It's not me, it's a friend of mine.
->'''Llewellyn:''' Of course, of course... still, it reminds me of a helpful anecdote.
->'''Ozy:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Rapture]].
->'''Llewellyn:''' The year was... let's see, they all tend to blend together. I think it may have had a "2" in it.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/05-24/ This Strip]]

->'''Ozy:''' [Looking at book] "The Big Book of Ancient, Semi-Coherent Wisdom".
->'''Llewellyn:''' The "bloopers of Lao-Tzu" section alone is worth the cover price.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/05-27/ This Strip]]

->I'm wearing the last of the "Kool-Aid".
-->-- '''Timulty''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/05-28/ This Strip]]

->'''Ozy:''' [Reading] "Those who say don't know. Those who know don't say".
->'''Stephan:''' Says the large book of quotations.
->'''Millie:''' I think the ancient philosophers were kind of like my mom that way.
-->-- [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/05-30/ This Strip]]

->This is why I'll never abuse drugs. If you know Avery, it's redundant.
-->-- '''Millie''', [[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/05-31/ This Strip]]

->Duly noted and taken with the requisite huge grain of salt.
-->-- '''Ozy''', [[https://ozyandmillie.org/2000/06-15/ This Strip]]

->'''Llewellyn:''' I see you've brought along that book of ancient wisdom... Just be careful. Even wise words may prove foolish if spoken at the wrong time. Wisdom must be understood in terms of the individual by whom it is given.\\
'''Ozy:''' ''You'' gave it to me.\\
'''Llewellyn:''' And surely you've noticed that a great deal of what I do is extremely strange.
-->-- [[https://ozyandmillie.org/2000/06-17/ This Strip]]

->'''Isolde:''' The point of Zen is to confuse the intellect into seeing the futility of concrete ideas.
->'''Ozy:''' Hm... I thought that was the point of UsefulNotes/GeorgeWBush.
->'''Isolde:''' Ah, George... We all envy his advanced state of not-knowing.
-->--[[http://ozyandmillie.org/2000/07-11/ This Strip]]

->My authority is absolute. I am the queen. I rule your fuzzy little butt.
-->--[[https://ozyandmillie.org/2006/06-22/ Mudd household constitution]], drawn up after Millie tried to dispute her bedtime with a "signing statement".
----