->''"[[BadassBoast We own this night, just as we own the fear that runs in]] [[PunyEarthlings your]] [[BadassBoast veins]]. You may think [[WeHaveReserves your numbers]] protect you, but we shall feast upon your souls before the dawn!"''
-->-- '''Kilarq Tongueblade of the Lacerated Eye''', ''{{TabletopGame/Warhammer 40000}}''

->''"A Catholic vampire doing UV tanning.... No respect for traditions!"''
-->-- '''Cobra''', ''Manga/SpaceAdventureCobra'', "Magic Doll 1"

->'''Creator/JohnLandis:''' How do you kill a vampire?\\
'''Creator/MaxLandis''': Stake through the heart, garlic...\\
'''John''': No! You can kill a vampire however the fuck you want because vampires don't fucking exist! You can make up any kind of thing you want!
-->-- A little fatherly creative advice as recounted in ''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PlwDbSYicM The Death and Return of Superman]]''

->''People have different standards when it comes to arguing what is and isn't a vampire...''
-->-- '''Dan Shive''', ''Webcomic/ElGoonishShive'' [[http://www.egscomics.com/index.php?date=2010-05-21 commentary, 21 May 2010]].

->''"For one thing, rewriting the rules is just good storytelling. Upending conventions lets you surprise the audience. You thought garlic was going to ward off the boss vampire? Sorry. You planned to kill him with that little piece of sharpened wood? Good luck. These days, you'll see vampires slapping crosses out of the way more often than shrinking in fear. Variations on the vampire rules also make for some clever plot twists."''
-->-- '''[[http://www.slate.com/id/2205143/?from=rss Christopher Beam]]''', ''Slate'' magazine.

->'''Announcer:''' In fact, for the town boasting the allegiance of the King of the Night, I've hardly seen any vampires on the charts! Of course, it is daylight. They'd probably all turn to ash!\\
'''Louie:''' This guy is clueless! We don't burn up, we just get really really bad sunburns, really easily!\\
'''Edmund:''' Eh, No... Sometimes you catch fire.\\
'''Louie:''' Sometimes we catch fire.
-->-- [[http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/gaia-community-discussion/gaia-s-lost-manga-unreleased-comics-from-the-past/t.49527459/ Gaia's Lost Manga]], ''Website/GaiaOnline''

->''"I'm a Hungarian-American with an inherited medical condition."''
-->-- '''[[NinjaPirateZombieRobot A vampire gangster]]''', ''ComicBook/TopTen: The Forty-Niners''

->''It was upon the field of battle at Clamorga that the mighty Captain Moriar fell, defending the ridge against the despicable Eldar. Many were his wounds and the Sanguinary Priests were at a loss to heal him. And so it was that Moriar was interned within the sarcophagus of the Furioso Dreadnought built by Brother Morleo, as were Belaphon, Dario and Amaretto before him. Upon gaining his strength, Moriar was struck by visions of Sanguinius, his own near-death state triggering the Black Rage. Immortal now in his adamantium shell, Moriar survived the Black Rage, hungering for battle and death. The Red Thirst grips him, and the revered Brothers of the Armourium have modified his armoured suit so that he may partake of the vital liquid and be restrained when not in battle.''
-->-- ''{{TabletopGame/Warhammer 40000}}''

->''"The nice thing about vampires is that if someone says, 'No that's not how vampires work,' you can say, 'Yes, it is,' and then, nobody is right."''
-->-- ''Webcomic/DinosaurComics'', [[http://www.qwantz.com/archive/001364.html]] [[AltText subject header]]

->''"Before folks swear off sunlight, they should know the basics, which would be easier if the rules didn't change in every film, book and TV show."''
-->-- [[http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/news/2009-07-01-vampire-rules_N.htm?csp=34 Jayme Deerwester]], ''USA Today''

->''"A vampire drinking wine on a private jet, flying to Rio de Janeiro in broad daylight? The stories got everything wrong."''
-->-- '''Pip Bernadotte''', ''{{Manga/Hellsing}} Ultimate''

->'''Kristen Stewart:''' You really are a vampire! Does that mean that garlic, stakes, and sunlight kill you?\\
'''Robert Pattinson:''' Don't be stupid. All of that lore is far too interesting for this movie. Being a vampire just means I get superpowers. It's like being Spiderman, but sexier. Also, I sparkle in the sunlight.
-->-- '''Rod Hilton''', ''{{Literature/Twilight}}: [[http://www.the-editing-room.com/twilight.html The Abridged Script]]''

->''When the thirst comes upon me so fiercely that I can't recall my own name, when the searing Eye of the Day scalds my flesh, or as loneliness shrouds the vacuum where my soul used to reside, I wonder if I am as invincible as I pretend.''
-->-- '''Blaesing''' (Dim Triad member), ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons'' supplement ''Librs Mortis''

->''"Contrary to popular ignorant opinion, even vampires love the sun and the sea."''
-->-- '''Alisa''', ''[[Literature/NightWatch The Day Watch]]''

->'''Homer:''' ...where he discovers he's a ''([[beat]])'' vampires.\\
'''Patty:''' Vampires like these ''(points to a group of books)'', or those ''(points to another group of books)'', or these guys? ''(a third group of books)''\\
'''Everyone:''' [groans]\\
'''Professor Frink:''' So many vampires, with the fangs and the capes and the medals. Nobody knows how they earns them.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', "The Book Job"

->'''Crichton:''' You're a vampire.\\
'''Maldis:''' I admit it: I feed on death. But don't we all? Some eat plants, some meat; [[YourSoulIsMine I consume the life essence itself]] -- preferably medium rare.\\
'''Crichton:''' Why don't you just kill us? Why all the foreplay?\\
'''Maldis:''' Death is the main course: [[LetsYouAndHimFight all]] [[{{Revenge}} this]] is the appetizer.
-->-- ''{{Series/Farscape}}'', "That Old Black Magic"

->'''Darren:''' What other vampire powers do I have? Can I turn into a bat?\\
'''Mr. Crepsley:''' What? No, that's bullshit.
-->-- ''Film/CirqueDuFreakTheVampiresAssistant''

->''They're not ''literally'' vampires. Sunlight, garlic, crosses, none of that applies. But we call them vampires because they're ageless super strong monsters that feed on the blood of the living.''
-->-- '''ComicBook/AtomicRobo''', ''Atomic Robo and Other Strangeness''

->''"Well, you can still be destroyed but... Forget the books and the movies. Garlic? It's worthless. A cross? Pfft! Shove it right up their ass! Hahahaha! A stake? Only if it catches you in the heart, and then it just paralyzes you. Runnin' water? Ah, that's no problem. I bathe... eh... occasionally. Now, a shotgun blast to the head? Oh, that's trouble, boy. Fire? That's ''real'' trouble. Sunlight? Well, you catch a sunrise and it's all over, kiddo. Get it?"''
-->-- '''Smilin' Jack''', answering whether you, as a newly-embraced Kindred, will live forever, ''VideoGame/VampireTheMasqueradeBloodlines''

->'''Jack Crow:''' You ever seen a vampire?\\
'''Father Adam:''' No I haven't.\\
'''Jack Crow:''' No... Well first of all, they're not romantic. It's not like they're a bunch of fuckin' fags hoppin' around in rented formal wear and seducing everybody in sight with cheesy Euro-trash accents, all right? Forget whatever you've seen in the movies: they don't turn into bats, crosses don't work. Garlic? You wanna try garlic? You could stand there with garlic around your neck and one of these buggers will bend you fucking over and take a walk up your strada-chocolata WHILE he's suckin' the blood outta your neck, all right? And they don't sleep in coffins lined in taffata. You wanna kill one, you drive a wooden stake right through his fuckin' heart. Sunlight turns 'em into crispy critters.
-->-- ''Film/JohnCarpentersVampires''

->''There's no real trick to huntin' vampires: you don't have to hit them in the heart with a wooden stake, or cut their heads off. They don't have to be buried in sanctified soil. You just have hurt 'em real bad: eventually, they stop movin'. They invented the myths themselves- made them sounded harder to kill than they really are- except the one about sunlight, that one's true. Stupid motherfuckers didn't realize all they'd have to do was dress better...''
-->-- '''The Hunter,''' ''Videogame/TheSecretWorld''

->''I get the sneaking suspicion that the people who made this game have no idea what a vampire is.''
-->-- WebVideo/TwoBestFriendsPlay ''Vampire Rain''

->'''Peter:''' Hey, is [[Series/SesameStreet The Count]] a vampire?\\
'''Brian:''' What's that?\\
'''Peter:''' Well, he's got these big fangs. Have they ever shown him doin' somebody in and then feedin' on 'em?\\
'''Brian:''' You're, you're asking me if they've ever done a ''Series/SesameStreet'' in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance. \\
'''Peter:''' Yeah. \\
'''Brian:''' No, they've never done that.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "Family Guy Viewer Mail #1"

->''Stephanie stifled a gasp [...] These weren't the vampires she'd seen on TV; these weren't sexy people in long coats and sunglasses. These were animals.''
-->-- ''Literature/SkulduggeryPleasant''

->Not supernatural, no. Superhuman! Hypnotic, magnetic! [[MasterOfIllusion Creature of illusion]], in no way a magician but in every way a great [[TheTrickster trickster]]! Not a bat but ''[[StealthExpert silent]]'' [[StealthExpert as a bat]]! Not a wolf, but ''[[SuperSpeed swift]]'' [[SuperSpeed as a wolf]]! Not a flea but [[HorrorHunger a monster with a flea's appetite for blood]] - on a scale unprecedented! That's my idea of the vampire, Dragosani. Fifty miles to a creature like that? A healthy evening's walk! He would be able to compel his human shell to [[SuperStrength excesses of effort undreamed of]]...
-->--'''Ladislau Giresci,''' ''Literature/{{Necroscope}}''

->''"In those younger years my home was [[DecadentCourt a hive of unbridled hedonism, a roiling apiary where instinct and impulse were indulged with wild abandon.]] [[VampiresAreSexGods A bewitching predator slipped in amidst the swarm of tittering sycophants.]] Though outwardly urbane, I could sense in her a [[HorrorHunger mocking thirst.]] [[ForTheEvulz Driven half-mad by cloying vulgarity, I plotted to rid myself of this lurking threat in a grand display of sadistic sport.]] But as the moment of murder drew nigh, the [[GlamourFailure gibbous moon revealed her inhuman desires in all their stultifying hideousness....]]''
->''"Mercifully, the morbid encounter resolved itself in my favor, [[AlienBlood and I set to work pursuing degeneracy in its most decadent forms.]] [[MainliningTheMonster The air pulsed with anticipation as I revealed the unnatural terroir of the house vintage.]] But my exultation was cut short [[BodyHorror as the attending gentry turned upon themselves in an orgy of an indescribable frenzy.]] [[ThingsManWasNotMeantToKnow A single drop of that forbidden tannin gifted me with a dizzying glimpse of]] [[EldritchAbomination a hibernating horror beneath my feet, and in that moment, I understood the terrible truth of the world.]] [[StartOfDarkness I stood reborn, molted by newfound knowledge, my head throbbing to the growing]] [[BigCreepyCrawlies whine of winged vermin come to drink the tainted blood…]] of the [[TitleDrop Darkest Dungeon.]]"''
-->--'''The Ancestor''', ''Videogame/DarkestDungeon:'' ''The Crimson Court''