!! Quotes by Mark Twain

->''"Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. "''
-->-- '''Samuel Langhorne Clemens''' a.k.a. '''Mark Twain'''.

->''"It is perhaps the poorest of all the inventions of all the gods but it has never suspected it once. There is nothing prettier than its naive and complacent appreciation of itself. It comes out frankly and proclaims without bashfulness or any sign of a blush that it is the noblest work of God. It has had a billion opportunities to know better, but all signs fail with this ass. I could say harsh things about it but I cannot bring myself to do it -- it is like hitting a child."''
-->-- '''Samuel Clemens''' on the [[HumansAreBastards human race]]

->''"If we really think about it, there were two Reigns of Terror; in one people were murdered in hot and passionate violence; in the other they died because people were heartless and did not care. One Reign of Terror lasted a few months; the other had lasted for a thousand years; one killed a thousand people, the other killed a hundred million people. However, we only feel horror at the French Revolution's Reign of Terror. But how bad is a quick execution, if you compare it to the slow misery of living and dying with hunger, cold, insult, cruelty and heartbreak? A city cemetery is big enough to contain all the bodies from that short Reign of Terror, but the whole country of France isn't big enough to hold the bodies from the other terror. We are taught to think of that short Terror as a truly dreadful thing that should never have happened: but none of us are taught to recognize the other terror as the real terror and to feel pity for those people."''
-->-- '''Samuel Clemens''' on the ReignOfTerror in the UsefulNotes/TheFrenchRevolution

->''"Often when we repent of a sin, we do it perfunctorily, from principle, coldly and from the head; but when we repent of a good deed the repentance comes hot and bitter and straight from the heart... I am quite certain that there are people who do not repent of their good deeds when the return they get for them is treachery and ingratitude. I think that these few ought to be in Heaven; they are in the way '''here.'''"''
-->-- '''Samuel Clemens,''' "Something About Repentance"

!! Quotes by Others

->"''[[{{Arcadia}} The prairie in its loneliness and peace]]; that was what came back to him towards the end of his life, after he had pulled the rug out from all the [[{{Bowdlerise}} literary nabobs]], and fired off all his [[SomeAnvilsNeedToBeDropped nubs and snappers]], and sashayed through all the nations, and collected all his ceremonial gowns and degrees, and tweaked all the grinning [[ThePresidents presidents]], and schmoozed all the newspaper reporters, [[TakeThat and stuck it to all his enemies,]] and shocked all the [[MoralGuardians librarians]], and [[HumansAreBastards cried out all his midnight blasphemies]], and buried most of his family.''"
-->- '''Ron Powers''', ''Mark Twain: A Life''

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