!! Quotes by Mark Twain

->''"Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. "''
-->-- '''Samuel Langhorne Clemens''' a.k.a. '''Mark Twain'''.

->''"It is perhaps the poorest of all the inventions of all the gods but it has never suspected it once. There is nothing prettier than its naive and complacent appreciation of itself. It comes out frankly and proclaims without bashfulness or any sign of a blush that it is the noblest work of God. It has had a billion opportunities to know better, but all signs fail with this ass. I could say harsh things about it but I cannot bring myself to do it -- it is like hitting a child."''
-->-- '''Samuel Clemens''' on the [[HumansAreBastards human race]]

!! Quotes by Others

->"''[[{{Arcadia}} The prairie in its loneliness and peace]]; that was what came back to him towards the end of his life, after he had pulled the rug out from all the [[{{Bowdlerise}} literary nabobs]], and fired off all his [[SomeAnvilsNeedToBeDropped nubs and snappers]], and sashayed through all the nations, and collected all his ceremonial gowns and degrees, and tweaked all the grinning [[ThePresidents presidents]], and schmoozed all the newspaper reporters, [[TakeThat and stuck it to all his enemies,]] and shocked all the [[MoralGuardians librarians]], and [[HumansAreBastards cried out all his midnight blasphemies]], and buried most of his family.''"
-->- '''Ron Powers''', ''Mark Twain: A Life''