* From "Evil...and His Brother Ziggy", a CrowningMomentOfFunny illustrating the CrimeTimeSoap aspects of the show:
-->'''Charlie''': Ted... is this curry?
-->'''Ted''': You don't like it, is it too spicy?
-->'''Charlie''': Indian food? [''glances at Native American Capt. Whitehat'']
-->'''Ted''': It was a coincidence, I just grabbed the first menu!
-->'''Capt. Whitehat''': How long have you ?
-->'''Charlie''': Since we met in prison.
-->'''Ted''': But we're not... ''together.''
-->[''Rachel sits down and glares at Charlie.'']
-->'''Capt. Whitehat''': This isn't your daughter?
-->'''Charlie''': No. She's "not" my niece. And there's "not" a boy "not" playing a guitar at the other end of a ph.
-->'''Rachel''': That's exactly right, there's not.
-->'''Charlie''': Look, Rachel, I was worried.
-->'''Rachel''': No, ''he'' was worried [''points at Ted''], you were gone. I came home, you weren't here; I called, you didn't pick up.
-->'''Charlie''': I was in the middle of nowhere!
-->'''Capt. Whitehat''': By that he means my home.
-->'''Rachel''': You come and go. [''storms off'']
-->'''Ted''': I'm in love with Olivia. Charlie, I'm in ''love'' with [[LoveTriangle the woman who's going to marry your father]]. [''storms off'']
-->'''Charlie''': [[HypocriticalHumor White people]].
-->'''Capt. Whitehat''': Pass the vindaloo?

* From "Fill it Up" - when Charlie [[PunkInTheTrunk puts Kyle Hollis in his trunk]].
-->'''Charlie''': How's it going in there, Kyle? The first six months I was in solitary, I did push-ups every day and I never talked to myself. The next six months, I stopped doing push-ups and I...I confess...I did talk a little to myself. The six months after that...those next six months, Kyle? You don't wanna know what happened then.