%%NOTE TO EDITORS: Due to an overwhelming amount of page content, please refrain from clogging the page with unnecessary quotes: If it's from a generic comment on a youtube video or a forum, or isn't from someone notably famous, please leave it off this page.
%%Additionally, if you need to explain why the quote involves HypocriticalHumor, or if the quote is longer than a couple of sentences, it should be written as an example on a main page.


[[folder: Comic Books ]]

->''"And look who it is... Sonic, Princess Sally, and that overweight walrus! Tsk! Tsk! How can anyone let himself get so '''obese'''?"''
-->-- '''Dr. Ivo Robotnik''', ''Comicbook/SonicTheHedgehog'' issue #3

->'''ComicBook/LoisLane:''' You did '''what'''? What '''ever''' possessed you to '''throw yourself out a window''' to get someone's '''attention'''?\\
'''[[Franchise/{{Superman}} Clark Kent]]:''' The memory of you asking '''me''' that with a straight face will last a '''lifetime'''.
-->-- ''ComicBook/FiftyTwo''

->What would a girl who comes from another planet in a faraway galaxy know about — Oh. Says me, the girl from another planet in a far... Huh.
-->-- '''ComicBook/{{Supergirl}}''', ''[[ComicBook/Supergirl2005 Girl Power]]''

->'''ComicBook/{{Wolverine}}:''' [[WhatTheHellHero Never thought I would see you guys]] [[EnemyMine throw in with a guy like]] [[WebComic/DoctorDoom Doom]].\\
'''[[ComicBook/FantasticFour The Thing:]]''' Oh yeah? Was that ComicBook/{{Magneto}} I saw [[HeelFaceTurn sitting at the conference table?]]\\
'''Wolverine:''' Okay, well, if you want to get technical...
-->-- ''ComicBook/XMen''

->"Remember! Football develops initiative, leadership, and individuality! Now go out there and do exactly as I told you!
-->-- '''Archie Andrews''', coaching a girls' football team in ''[[Franchise/ArchieComics Archie]]'', October 12, 1946

->''"Gentlemen, if there's one thing I hate more than the Chinese, it's racism."''
-->-- '''General Samuel Surrender''', ''ComicBook/AchilleTalon''.


[[folder: Fan Work ]]

->"No fair! Something so cute shouldn't have such a strong attack! Cheater!"
-->--'''[[CuteAndPsycho Ilya]]''' (who's '''''[[TheJuggernaut Berserker]]'''''[='=]s [[KidWithTheLeash Master]]) about '''[[WesternAnimation/Ben10UltimateAlien Echo Echo]]''', ''Fanfic/FateStayNightUltimateMaster''


[[folder: Film ]]

->'''Rick:''' How can you close me up? On what grounds?\\
'''Louis:''' I am shocked, ''shocked'', to find that gambling is going on in here!\\
'''Emile:''' ''(handing him a stack of bills)'' Your winnings, sir.\\
'''Louis:''' Oh thank you very much. ''(shouting to casino patrons)'' Everybody out at once!
-->-- ''Film/{{Casablanca}}''

->"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is TheWarRoom!"
-->--'''President Merkin Muffley''', ''Film/DrStrangelove''

->'''Archie:''' How very interesting. You're a true vulgarian, aren't you?\\
'''Otto:''' You're the vulgarian, you fuck!
-->-- ''Film/AFishCalledWanda''

->There are only two things I can't stand in this world: people who are intolerant of other peoples' cultures... and the Dutch.
-->-- '''Nigel Powers''', ''Film/AustinPowersInGoldmember''

->'''Brian:''' No, no, no, you don't understand. You've got to work it out for yourselves.\\
'''Followers:''' ''(in unison)'' Yes, we've got to work it out for ourselves.\\
'''Brian:''' You're all individuals!\\
'''Followers:''' Yes, we're all individuals.\\
'''Brian:''' You're all different!\\
'''Followers:''' Yes, we are all different.\\
'''One Follower:''' I'm not.\\
'''All Other Followers:''' Sh!
-->-- ''Film/MontyPythonsLifeOfBrian''

->'''Officer:''' Worst of all, [Colt] is [[CowboyCop gun happy]]!\\
'''Colt:''' ''(points a gun in her face)'' ''Where do you get off saying that?!''
-->-- ''Film/{{Loaded Weapon 1}}''

->'''Juror #10:''' He's a common, ignorant slob! He don't even speak good English.\\
'''Juror #11:''' ''Doesn't'' even speak good English.
-->-- ''Film/TwelveAngryMen''

->Well, that's where I see things, just a little differently. Contract or no, I will not bow to any sponsor. ''(opens a Pizza Hut box and smiles for the camera)''
-->-- '''Wayne''', ''Film/WaynesWorld''

->''"One more thing — Eugene, gimme that — If I ever find one of these lying around again, I swear to FUCKING God, I will stop being so polite. ''(someone wanders in)'' Get the fuck outta my sight before I demolish you!"''
-->-- '''[[SadistTeacher Terrance Fletcher]]''', ''Film/{{Whiplash}}''

->''"And because I am'' '''''a goddamned professional!"'''''
-->-- ''Film/TheWeddingPlanner''

->'''John [=McClane=]:''' ''[after finding cigarettes on a neutralized {{mook}}]'' Mm, these are very bad for you. ''[takes one and lights up]''
-->-- ''Film/DieHard''


[[folder: Literature ]]

->''The only good thing to do with good advice is pass it on; it is never of any use to oneself.''
-->-- '''Creator/OscarWilde''', ''Theatre/AnIdealHusband''

->''This column generated a large amount of mail from irate opera lovers who:\\
1. Pointed out that they are far more sophisticated, urbane, and cultured than I am, and\\
2. Used some really dirty words.''
-->-- '''Creator/DaveBarry''', "The Fat Lady Sings"

->''He didn't take it personally. He was a hired killer, after all. It would be pretty hypocritical to take a murder attempt personally, after everything he'd done. But that was no reason to let them live.''
-->-- '''Tesseract''', ''Literature/SkulduggeryPleasant: Mortal Coil''

->''"It's so pervasive now, everywhere and all the time, day after day, stories that never conclude. Look at O.J. Simpson — there's nothing else on television all day long. Live." I confessed that I had become addicted to the pretrial hearings, and she confessed to some lawyerly interest in the case.''
-->-- '''UsefulNotes/HillaryRodhamClinton''' (attributed), ''[[Creator/GoreVidal Palimpsest]]''

->I doubt [Haruhi] even knows [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Honduras_(orthographic_projection).svg where]] Honduras ''is''. Let's see, somewhere below Mexico, right?
-->-- '''Kyon''', ''LightNovel/HaruhiSuzumiya''

->"Those guys ripped off what we rightfully stole!"
-->-- '''Hamilton [[TheBigGuy Holt]]''', ''Literature/The39Clues''

->Men always seemed to think violence could solve anything. If she had had a stout stick, she would have thumped all three of them about the shoulders until they saw reason.
-->-- Nynaeve al'Meara's thoughts, ''Literature/TheWheelOfTime''

->''Peace be inside me, tolerance around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so I may feed him his organs.''
-->-- '''Opal Koboi''', ''Literature/ArtemisFowl''


[[folder: Live-Action TV ]]

->"Jonathan Ross is the worst kind of nasty, gratuitous, insulting, viciously insensitive bully." said Piers Morgan... [[LampshadeHanging from his glass house!]]
-->--'''Creator/TomBaker''', reading a quote on ''Series/HaveIGotNewsForYou''

->'''Nigel Farage:''' I think it's absolutely disgusting, all these elected politicians using all these expenses to better themselves. Disgraceful, isn't it, Ian?\\
'''Ian Hislop:''' It is absolutely disgraceful, Mister Kettle.
-->-- ''Series/HaveIGotNewsForYou''

->"So, they're just gonna sit alone in those theater seats and make wisecracks about the show. What jerks!"
-->--[[Series/{{Mystery Science Theater 3000}} Bill Corbett]], Podcast/RiffTrax Film/StarWars [[Film/RevengeOfTheSith Episode III]]

->'''Brennan:''' Kyle. I know you get everything you want by flaunting your superior intellect, but that won't work with me.\\
'''Aldridge:''' And why is that?\\
'''Brennan:''' Because I'm smarter than you are.
-->-- ''Series/{{Bones}}''

->'''Kermit:''' And we promise we won't stoop to cheap 3D tricks.\\
'''Fozzie:''' Did someone say ''cheap 3D tricks''?! ''(blows a party favor at the camera)''
-->-- ''Ride/MuppetVision3D''

->"Niles, I don't have time to stand here and listen to your insanity! I have to go steal a Get Well card from a kidney patient!"
-->-- '''Frasier Crane''', ''Series/{{Frasier}}''

->'''Clair:''' I've never seen [Rudy] so bossy!\\
'''Cliff:''' She ''is'' kind of pushy.\\
'''Clair:''' Well I don't like it. Call her in here!
-->-- ''Series/TheCosbyShow''

->''"You shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition at."''
-->-- '''Tracy Jordan''', ''[[Series/ThirtyRock 30 Rock]]''

->'''Fisk''': We all knew that we would need to eliminate the Russians one day. They were too unpredictable.\\
'''Leland''': This from a guy taking heads off with a car door.
-->-- ''Series/{{Daredevil 2015}}''

->''"We never use euphemisms, and we think that people who do are complete front-bottoms."''
-->-- '''Stephen Fry''', ''Series/{{QI}}''


[[folder: Miscellaneous ]]

->''"I hate people who generalize. [[YouAreWhatYouHate They're all idiots.]]"''
-->-- '''Anonymous'''

->''"I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical."''
-->-- '''Creator/ArthurCClarke'''

->''"People say I am ruthless. I am not ruthless. And if I find the man who is calling me ruthless, [[DisproportionateRetribution I shall destroy him]]."''
-->-- '''Robert F. Kennedy'''

->''Profanity is the crutch of the [[SophisticatedAsHell inarticulate motherfucker]].''
-->-- unknown, attributed to multiple sources

->"Most people dislike vanity in others, whatever share they have of it themselves."
-->-- '''Creator/BenjaminFranklin'''

->"A witty saying proves nothing."
-->-- '''Creator/{{Voltaire}}'''


[[folder: Music ]]

->''"...there are some people who do not love their fellow human beings, and I ''hate'' people like that!"''
-->-- '''Music/TomLehrer''', in a foreword for "National Brotherhood Week", ''Music/ThatWasTheYearThatWas''

->"I'll judge you all and make damn sure that no one judges me!"
-->-- '''Music/JethroTull''', "Thick as a Brick"

->''Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music\\
[[BrokenRecord Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music]]\\
[[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music]]\\
[[OverlyLongGag Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music]]''
-->-- Dan Le Sac vs Scroobius Pip, "Thou Shalt Always Kill"


[[folder: Professional Wrestling ]]

->'''Hunter:''' From 10 PM to 11 PM, we will only use the words ass, damn, hell, and bitch. We will ''never'', however, use the words [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking shit, fuck, goddamn, Jesus Christ]], faggot, or any other racial or sexual slurs. Now then, as it pertains to video, we promise there will be less dick references.\\
'''Shawn:''' Ah, shit!\\
'''Hunter:''' Watch your fuckin' mouth!\\
'''Shawn:''' Well, fuck me!\\
'''Hunter:''' Goddamnit! ''(under his breath)'' Fuck!
-->-- Wrestling/DGenerationX's State of the Union promo


[[folder: Stand-Up Comedy ]]

->''"It's a DVD, and some of it might be shown on TV, so I'll be keeping it clean. There'll be no swearing, bad language, or dirty talk. No, no, none of that. Because as my mother always says, 'if you have to swear to get laughs, then you're obviously a cunt'."''
-->-- '''Ed Byrne'''


[[folder: Theatre ]]

->''"I never swear. I detest this habit. What the devil do you mean?"''
-->-- '''Henry Higgins''', ''Theatre/{{Pygmalion}}''

->''In time I grew as rich as the Gurneys\\
An incubus then I thought her\\
So I threw over the rich attorney's\\
Elderly, ugly daughter\\
The rich attorney my character high\\
Tried vainly to disparage\\
And now if you please, I'm ready to try\\
This breach of promise of marriage.''
-->-- '''The Learned Judge''', ''Theatre/TrialByJury''


[[folder: Video Games ]]

->'''Marisa:''' A half-beast that can't morph without the full moon is just a human. Weak!\\
'''Alice:''' You DO know you're a human too, right?
-->-- ''VideoGame/{{Touhou}} Project: Imperishable Night''

-->-- '''Liberty Prime''', ''VideoGame/{{Fallout 3}}''

->''"[[RousingSpeech Awareness is the key to victory! Be sure you never let your guard dow—]]" [[[AgonyOfTheFeet *accidentally stabs his feet on his spear*]]] "Owwowowwow!"''
-->-- '''Jarvan IV''', ''VideoGame/LeagueOfLegends''

->'''Genocider Jill, Ultimate Murderous Fiend:''' Shut your murdering mouth, murderer!\\
'''Yasuhiro Hagakure, Ultimate Clairvoyant:''' Who're ''you'' calling a murderer!?
-->-- ''VisualNovel/DanganRonpa''

->''"You should get to bed. What's that? [[LampshadeHanging Hey, I am NOT a hypocrite!]]"''
-->-- '''A VideoGame/{{Mii}} [[AntiPoopSocking late at night]]''', ''Videogame/TomodachiLife''

->'''Rouge:''' Thief!\\
'''Knuckles:''' Look who's calling who a thief!
-->-- ''VideoGame/SonicAdventure2''

->''"Ehh, this shit'll kill you."'' *puffs cigarette*
-->-- '''Bigby Wolf''' talking about a soda machine, ''VideoGame/TheWolfAmongUs''

->''"[[VerbalBackspace Retraction]]: [[DidIJustSayThatOutLoud Did I say that out loud?]] I apologize, Master. While you are a meatbag, I suppose I should not call you such."''
-->-- '''HK-47''', ''VideoGame/KnightsOfTheOldRepublic''

->''"This place would elicit fear in most individuals. Fortunately, my training prevents me from — wait! What was that?"''
-->-- '''Paladin Danse''' when exploring a creepy place, ''VideoGame/Fallout4''

->''"Preserve our beautiful scenery! Please refrain from posting signs."''
-->-- '''A sign in VideoGame/Mother3'''


[[folder: Web Animation ]]

->''"I'm not bossy! Don't say things like that!"''
-->--'''Weiss''', ''WebAnimation/{{RWBY}}''

->''"Grr! [[RedEyesTakeWarning I can't]] ''[[IncendiaryExponent take it anymore]]''! Will everyone just chill out for two seconds before something crazy happens again!?"''
-->--'''Yang Xiao Long''', ''WebAnimation/{{RWBY}}''

->'''Ruby:''' (''angrily showing Blake the "Ninjas of Love" book she had'') This is filth. ''FILTH!'' (''smacks Blake'')\\
'''Blake:''' AHHH! (''as Ruby marches off with the book'') C-Can I have my book back?\\
'''Ruby:''' LATER!

->''Son of a bitch! How can they be so arrogant?! No one's better than me!
-->--'''Burnie Burns''', ''[[Machinima/RedVsBlue Red Vs Blue S14E24: Red vs. Blue vs. Rooster Teeth]]''


[[folder: Web Comics ]]

->'''Athens:''' The same reports are coming in from the vessel commanders throughout the fleet. As we expected, the organic units are proving very selfish. Even with the two courses laid clearly before them, they stubbornly choose futile efforts at self-preservation over the greater good.\\
'''Petey:''' The next engagements begin shortly. Athens, we need live telemetry feeds from all your systems — maybe we can learn something important.\\
'''Athens:''' Who says I'm going first? I'm the flagship. ''You'' go first.


[[folder: Web Original ]]

->''The times call for rational, well-reasoned thinking. Under no circumstances allow your thinking to be clouded by superstition.''
-->-- Horoscope for Leos, The Onion

->''Dear audience who might be inspired by me, unfortunately, to make videos because of my videos on the internet:\\
Please try and suss out the things which are not interesting and that should be edited out. I am aware that it is customary to try to show everything in a video game, or at the very least, as much as possible, but there is such a thing as knowing what to weed out, or the very least, accelerate. Sometimes, even when it's new content, it's better off accelerated. I know that a lot of you are pretty smart about this, but others.... aren't, for lack of a better word.''
-->-- '''LetsPlay/{{Raocow}},''' ''over unedited footage of [[OneUpSampo life farming.]]''

->''"I'm on your side! How many of you do I have to kill before you understand that!?"''
-->--'''[[VideoGame/HalfLife Gordon Freeman]]''', ''Machinima/FreemansMind''

->''"It turns out that Maxwell Lord wanted to get rid of superheros and super villains, so that normal humans could rightfully retake the Earth. Because super-powered being are too powerful. And yet'' [-HE-] ''is a super-powered being!"''
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall Linkara]]'''

->"I hate people whose mom has died! Someone whose mom died once killed my mother!"

->''"[[FanDumb Fans are clingy complaining dipshits]] [[UnpleasableFanbase who will never ever be grateful for any concession you make]]. The moment you shut out their shrill tremulous voices, the happier you will be for it. Incidentally, why not buy a Zero Punctuation t-shirt?"''
-->-- [[WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw]]

->''You couldn't release a buggy game during the cartridge and cassette days, you'd get sentenced to trampling under the company Brontosaurus! But I'll tell you the worst part ab-orst part ab-orst part ab-orst part ab-orst part ab--''\\
''(system error box pops up)''
-->-- ''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation'', on ''[[VideoGame/{{STALKER}} S. T. A. L. K. E. R.: Clear Sky]]''

->'''The Nerd:''' ''Holy shit! [gets blasted]''\\
'''Super Mecha Death Christ: ''WATCH YOUR [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING]] LANGUAGE!!'''''
-->-- ''WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd'', ''VideoGame/SuperMarioBros3'' review

->''"Those Spanish probably won't even eat [the chicken], just cut her throat and drink her blood, or something else superstitious. All I wanted was to eat the chicken that is smarter than other chickens and to absorb its power. And make a nice Kiev."''
-->-- '''Red''', ''Series/OrangeIsTheNewBlack''

->''"I love it when Geoff is mad at everyone for pissing around, then he goes and blows everything up."''
-->-- '''Creator/GavinFree''', ''[[LetsPlay/AchievementHunterGrandTheftAutoSeries Let's Play Grand Theft Auto V]]'' "[=CarDunkEn=]"

->You know me (disclaimer: none of you know me), and I am a simple man who only requests the simplest things in life, like four thousand gigabytes worth of furry porn, and a small supercomputer that I only ever use to edit text files with, but when I get my game on? Oh, boy, you better believe I'm getting my game on. Who needs 4K when I'm running Wii games 16,000 pixels wide, on a screen 5% of that value? You can practically taste the [[WebAnimation/YoutubePoop Gay Luigi]]. But beyond all of this, I am very practical, and as such, demand little more but the quiet enjoyment of my life with my modest army of whores.
-->-- '''Blog/{{Froghand}}''', from the [[https://froghand.neocities.org/buafy/2016-11.html#14 2016-11-14 BUAFY]].


[[folder: Western Animation ]]

->''"That's a lie! I don't need a potion to be nice, and I'll pound anyone who says I do into mush!"''
-->-- '''Bowser Koopa''', ''WesternAnimation/TheAdventuresOfSuperMarioBros3''

->''"Yeah, but I couldn't have done it without you guys. And I'll never desert my friends again! Now excuse me while I desert you to talk to Trixie."''
-->--'''Timmy Turner''', ''WesternAnimation/TheFairlyOddparents''

->''"Your lyrics lack subtlety! You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! [[ThatMakesMeFeelAngry That makes me feel angry!]]"''
-->--'''Robot Devil''', ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}''

->''"Hey, I might have a high opinion of myself and a low opinion of everyone else, but that doesn't make me arrogant."''
-->--'''Kuzco''', ''WesternAnimation/TheEmperorsNewSchool''

->'''Mark Posubule:''' Forgive your ''debtors''!\\
'''Clay Puppington:''' Forgive your ''trespassers''!\\
'''Mark Posubule:''' You owe me a bottle of wine!\\
'''Clay Puppington:''' Get off my property!
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/MoralOrel'', "The Lord's Prayer"

->''"(reading a ransom note) It from the martians! I know it them cause [[YouNoTakeCandle they no use good grammar]]."''
-->-- '''Mr. Wong''', ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}''

->'''Spongebob:''' I'd sure like to go to this party, but I can't read the invitation!\\
'''Patrick:''' Me neither!\\
'''Spongebob''' Whoever sent this obviously has no idea about the physical limitations of life underwater! Well, might as well throw these in the fire.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/SpongebobSquarepants'', "Party Pooper Pants"

->'''Beavis:''' School sucks.\\
'''Principal [=McVicker=]:''' You watch your mouth, you little pain-in-the-ass!
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/BeavisAndButtHead'', "Speech Therapy"

->''"I am a woman of science. At least that's what my horoscope said."''
-->-- '''Stacy Hirano''', ''WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb''

->''"That birdcage? Poppycock! Elevators are for old people!"''
-->--'''[[CoolOldGuy George Hautecort]]''', ''Disney/TheAristocats''

->'''Rat:''' I'm thinking about pushing you off a tall cliff and filming what happens.\\
'''Pig:''' What for?\\
'''Rat:''' 'Cause then I can get on one of those 'shocking video' shows and be famous.\\
'''Pig:''' But I could get hurt.\\
'''Rat:''' There's no 'I' in 'team'.
-->-- ''ComicStrip/PearlsBeforeSwine''

->''"I'll prove I'm a [[TheHero good guy]] even if I have to [[DestructiveSaviour destroy this entire city]] and [[BloodKnight beat you to a pulp]]!"''
-->-- '''[[DesignatedHero Coop]]''', ''WesternAnimation/MegasXLR''

->''"If you wanna be one of the non-conformists, [[DisobeyThisMessage all you have to do is dress just like us and listen to the same music we do]]."''
-->-- '''The Goth Kids''', ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark''

->'''Smithers:''' I'm afraid we have a bad image, sir. Market research shows that people see you as something of an ogre.\\
'''Mr. Burns:''' I ought to club them and eat their bones!
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''

->'''Bubbles:''' I am not Bubbles! Bubbles is not who I am! I am the one, the only, single solitary doer of dastardly deeds! Purveyor of pestilence! Interloper of lawlessness! Menace to mankind! I am bad! I am evil! I am Mojo Jojo! Hahahahahahahaha!\\
'''Mojo Jojo:''' I do ''not'' talk like that! The way I communicate is much different! I do not constantly reiterate, repeat, recite the same thing over and over again! I am clear! Concise! To the point!
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/ThePowerPuffGirls''

->''"Girls, ''girls!'' Remember, above all, self-control." [knock at the door; cue slamming piano keys] '''"YES?!"'''''
-->-- '''[[WickedStepmother Lady Tremaine]]''', ''Disney/{{Cinderella}}''

->''"I'm going to the Lilith Fair this weekend to support female solidarity, so scram!"''
-->-- '''Joelle Clarke''', ''WesternAnimation/BojackHorseman''.