->''Did Ophelia ask Hamlet to bed?''\\
''Was Gertrude incestuously wed?''\\
''Is anything certain?''\\
''By the fall of the curtain''\\
''[[KillEmAll Almost everyone's certainly dead.]]''
-->'''A. Cinna''', found in ''The Penguin Book of Limericks''

->'''Naomi''': ''Hamlet's basically a teenage [[{{Emo}} boy]]. He's [[AllMenArePerverts got all these desires]], but [[CannotSpitItOut he doesn't have the bottle to reach out for them]]. So, [[LoveMakesYouCrazy he goes mad]], and [[{{Wangst}} wanks off]] about [[TheOphelia Ophelia]], and [[{{Foreshadowing}} ends up so boring, somebody has to kill him]]!'' \\
'''Josie''': ''I'm not sure that's right. There's no wanking in ''Hamlet''.'' \\
'''Naomi''': ''Yeah, there is. Loads. Only they call it "[[SurrogateSoliloquy soliloquising]]"''.
-->-- ''Series/{{Skins}}''

->''[[{{Wangst}} Cheer up, Hamlet; chin up, Hamlet; buck up, you melancholy Dane!]]''
->''So your uncle is a cad who murdered Dad and married Mum?''
->''That's really no excuse to be as glum as you've become!''
->''So wise up, Hamlet; rise up, Hamlet; perk up and sing a new refrain!''
->''Your incessant monologuing fills the castle with'' ennui.
->''Your antic disposition is embarrassing to see.''
->''And by the way, you sulky brat, the answer is 'to be'!''
->''You're driving poor [[TheOphelia Ophelia]] insane.''
->''So shut up, you rogue and peasant; grow up, it's most unpleasant; cheer up, you melancholy Dane!''

-> ''"Half of what he said meant something else, and the other half didn't mean anything at all!"''

->''Higgeldy Piggeldy,\\
Hamlet of Elsinore\\
Ruffled the critics by\\
Dropping this bomb:\\
"Phooey on Freud and his\\
Psychoanalysis --\\
Oedipus, Shmoedipus,\\
I just loved Mom."''

->''Are the commentators on '''Hamlet''' really mad or only pretending to be mad?''

->''I like to think that there's a little Hamlet in all of us. Not that melancholy stuff. Or being a prince. But I've always believed that we should have a little Danish in us. Especially in the morning.''
-->'''-- LeslieNielsen'''

->''An interesting anagram: "To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune." becomes... "In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten."''

->'''''Green Eggs and Hamlet'''\\
by Tim Hnetka\\
I ask to be, or not to be.\\
That is the thing, I ask of me.\\
This sullied life, it makes me shudder.\\
My unc' is boffing my dear mother.\\
Would I, could I take my life?\\
Could I, should I, end this strife?\\
Should I jump out of a plane?\\
Or lie down in front of a train?\\
Should I from a cliff just leap?\\
Could I put myself to sleep?\\
Shoot myself, or take some poison?\\
Maybe try self immolation?\\
To shudder off this mortal coil,\\
I could stab myself with a foil,\\
Or slash my wrists while in the bath?\\
Would it help to end my wrath?\\
To sleep, to dream, aye, there's the rub.\\
I'd drop a toaster in my tub.\\
Would they be happy, with me dead?\\
Could I murder them instead?\\
These thoughts take much consideration,\\
I'm the prince of procrastination.''

->''Prince Hamlet thought uncle a traitor\\
For having it off with his mater.\\
"Revenge Dad or not?"'s\\
The gist of the plot.\\
He did -- nine soliloquies later.''
-->-- '''Stanley J. Sharpless'''

->''Will you kill him in his bed?\\
Stick a dagger in his head?\\
I would not, could not kill the king.\\
I would not do this evil thing.\\
I will not wed this girl, you see.\\
So get her to a nunnery.''
-->-- '''Green Eggs and Hamlet'''

->'''Officer Don''': Hamlet? The story is as old as time: Pretty boy son has a rich daddy, and a good-looking mommy. The uncle knocks off daddy, marries mommy, and he cuts pretty boy out of the action. So junior goes crazy and he kills them all. Not a pretty story... but there it is.
->'''Tommy Solomon''': Isn't that the plot to 'The Lion King'?
-->-- '''Series/ThirdRockFromTheSun'''