-->'''Eddie''': Richie, please, I'm begging you - no, I'm threatening you. If you don't shut up, I'm gonna cut your head off, shove it in the microwave, wait until it goes ping, mash it up with a bit of milk and butter and ram it up your backside! [[LargeHam SO JUST SHUT UP!]]
-->'''Richie''': Fine, if you wish it, we shall sit in silence.
-->'''Eddie''': It could save your life.

-->'''Filthy''': This morning I coughed so hard I sucked my trousers up my backside.

-->'''Richie''': And completely by surprise, you're going to die. Yeah, everyone will think it was an accident except me, the strange enigmatic figure with the chainsaw.

-->'''Richie''': Ahh... the morning... the morning. How glad I am that I've always spurned regular lovers, because, of course, by sleeping alone, I get me all to myself. And I always know I'm going to wake up next to the most attractive person in the world.
-->''(Eddie emerges from under the duvet)''

-->'''Eddie''': Blimey, I wouldn't want to face that crowd: they're getting a bit restless. Battersea bouncers really do bounce.
-->'''Filthy''': Don't mither the act Edward, Richie has enough to concern him already, [[TakeThat what with being crap]].

-->'''Eddie''': It is [[MeaningfulName Filthy Ralph]], the impresario, promoter, pornographer and common thief.
-->'''Richie''': I know who Filthy Ralph is.
-->'''Eddie''': [[BreakingTheFourthWall Yeah, but they don't.]]

-->'''Filthy''': Richie, I've got bad news for you-
-->'''Policeman''': You're nicked.
-->'''Richie''': Oh come on, I wasn't ''that'' bad.
-->'''Eddie''': It was your alibi, it collapsed. Mr Forsyth followed us here. It's prison for us!

-->'''Filthy''': Don't worry Richie, these days prison food is quite acceptable. Mind you, it's not so nice when they nail you to the table and ram it up you backside.