----

->I can't believe they locked me up for driving on the sidewalk! It was just a couple of miles...
-->-- '''Benny the Cab''', ''Film/WhoFramedRogerRabbit''

->And if you are still driving out there, please, be careful, there are some '''NUTS''' on the road!
-->-- '''Herman Cain'''

->They don't call that guy 'Dangerous' for nothing.
-->-- '''DJ Atomika''' (describing Dangerous Dave's piloting skills), ''SSX 3''

->'''Chiyo:''' Um... since Yukari-sensei's car looks a bit more spacious, why not put three people over there?\\
'''Nyamo:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Isn't it better for fewer people to die]]?
-->-- ''Manga/AzumangaDaioh''

->B-but... we ain't afraid of no rollercoasters no more.
-->-- '''Osaka''' (after her very first ride with [[TropeCodifier Yukari]]), ''Manga/AzumangaDaioh''

->Yukari-sensei, stop. Stop the car. Drive like a normal person. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for every bad thing I ever did. I don't want to die. (''trembling'') Noooo... look out for the poor old man... (''in tears'') ''run for your life!!''
-->-- '''Chiyo''' has some PTSD, ''Manga/AzumangaDaioh''

->'''Cassie:''' Aaaaaaaah!\\
'''Jake:''' Lookoutlookoutlookoutlookout!\\
'''Marco:''' Would you shut up? I'm trying to drive here!\\
'''Jake''': Car! Car! Car!\\
''(driver flips off Marco)''\\
'''Marco:''' That's rude. ''And'' totally uncalled for.\\
''BAM!''\\
'''Cassie:''' Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!\\
'''Marco:''' Oh, it's just a trash can. Chill out.\\
''BAM! BAM! BAM!''\\
'''Marco:''' Okay, so it's four trash cans.\\
'''Jake:''' Get off the sidewalk, you lunatic!\\
'''Marco:''' ''(yanks wheel right, bumps the sidewalk, grazes a parked car)''\\
''BAM! BAM! BAM!''\\
'''Jake:''' Do you hate trash cans? Is that your problem? Do you just HATE TRASH CANS?!!\\
'''Marco:''' I can't drive with you screaming in my ear.\\
'''Jake:''' You can't drive at all!
-->-- ''Literature/{{Animorphs}}'', "The Andalite's Gift"

->There are no safety precautions that could prepare somebody for a car trip with Rosette.
-->-- '''Greg Ayres''', referring to the character from ''ChronoCrusade''

->'''[[OurAngelsAreDifferent Aziraphale]]:''' Watch out for that pedestrian!\\
'''[[OurDemonsAreDifferent Crowley]]:''' ''(driving)'' It's on the street, it knows the risks it's taking!
-->-- ''Literature/GoodOmens''

->Hang on. That light four blocks away just turned yellow.

->(On being asked to participate in an experiment to go faster than the speed of light): You're talking ''nine''-digit speeds. I've only ''flirted'' with four.
-->-- '''Peter Fox''', ''FoxTrot''

->'''Ziva''': I'm driving.
->'''Tony''': I'm dead.
->''(later in the episode, Tony and Ziva arrive at the crime scene)''
->'''Tony''': This is going to suck.
->'''Ziva''': Stop complaining.
->'''Tony''': Sorry. No sleep tends to do that to me.
->'''Ziva''': I drove Tony. You could have slept all night if you wanted.
->'''Tony''': I tried, but the orchestra of blaring car horns kept me awake.
->'''Ziva''': We made good time.
->'''Tony''': Going ninety-five miles an hour on a dirt road I couldn't even see.
->'''Ziva''': Then it's a good thing I was driving.
-->-- ''Series/{{NCIS}}'', "Lost and Found"

->'''Tony''': Hey, not so fast!
->'''Ziva''': I always drive fast! Itís the best way to avoid possible [=IEDs=] and ambushes.
->'''Tony''': Youíre in America now. I wouldnít worry about it. How about this? Slow down or Iíll puke on you.
->'''Ziva''': Tony, why donít you like the American Civil War?
->'''Tony''': I donít want to talk about it.
->'''[=McGee=]''': Itís because of his father.
->'''Tony''': Was she talking to you, Probie?
->'''Ziva''': Oh. You didnít get along with your father. HmÖ explains a lot.
->'''Tony''': My father and I got along fine.
->'''Ziva''': If you say so. I think itís best to talk about things instead of burying them inside.
->'''[=McGee=]''': What about you? Your father? Deputy Director David, whatís he like?
->''([[HypocriticalHumor Ziva slams down more on the gas pedal]])''
->'''Tony''': Slow down, weíre taking the next left.
->''(The sound of car horns and screeching tires can be heard)''
->'''[=McGee=]''': Ziva, car! Car! Car!
->''(Tony shouts)''
->'''Ziva''': Sorry. First time behind the wheel after a six-month mission in the UK.
->''([[VomitDiscretionShot Tony pukes]])''
->''(Cut to Tony driving, and Ziva with a put-upon expression on her face.)''
->'''Ziva''': I said I was sorry.
->''(later in the episode)''
->'''Gibbs''': [Ziva] almost killed my entire team yesterday.\\
'''Jenny''': How?\\
'''Gibbs''': Driving home from a crime scene.\\
'''Jenny''': I should have warned you. I think she was an Eastern European cab driver in a past life.
-->-- ''Series/{{NCIS}}'', "Silver War"

->'''Eli''': With traffic, I wasn't expecting you for another hour.
->'''Ziva''': I drove.
->'''Eli''': Enough said.
-->-- ''Series/{{NCIS}}'', "Aliyah"

->'''Vance''': Most fathers teach their daughters to drive. I have you to blame for this?
->'''Eli David''': This she learned from her mother.
-->--''Series/{{NCIS}}'', "Enemies Foreign"

->'''Ziva''': Slow drivers.
->'''Tony''': Bad drivers.
->'''Ziva''': What is so hard? You go as fast as possible, when something gets in your way, you turn.
-->-- ''Series/{{NCIS}}'', and yes, she was completely serious.

->'''Parker''': Who knew a sedan could hit 140?
->'''Sophie''': Parker, you are never to get behind the wheel of a car again, okay?
-->-- ''Series/{{Leverage}}''

->'''Eliot''': Damn it, Parker! Where'd you learn to drive?!
->'''Parker''':''[nonchalantly]'' Before I stole cars I was a getaway driver.
->'''Hardison''': Before? You started stealing cars when you were twelve!
-->-- ''Series/{{Leverage}}''

->'''Liara:''' Truck!\\
'''[[PlayerCharacter Shepard:]]''' I know.\\
'''Liara:''' ''Truck!''\\
'''Shepard:''' ''I know!''\\
'''Liara:''' Yaaah!\\
'''Shepard:''' Heh. There we go!\\
'''Liara:''' You're ''enjoying'' this!
--> ''A bit later...''
-> '''Liara:''' Truck!\\
'''Shepard:''' Again?
-->-- ''VideoGame/MassEffect2: Lair of the Shadow Broker''

->I drive really slow in the ultrafast lane / while people behind me are going insane.
-->-- [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lX4hN2KAaww "I'm An Asshole"]], '''Dennis Leary'''

->This guy's already driving like I intend to in [[DriverSanFrancisco this game]]!
-->-- ''{{Unskippable}}''

->...His driving is like unto the driving of Jehu, for he driveth furiously.
-->-- '''Israelite Lookout''', ''Literature/TheBible''

->A taxidriverman is what I want to be
->But there are no customers who want to ride with me
->I don't know why it could be that I'm almost blind
->But every street in Calcutta I can find

->Calcutta, I am a taxidriver in
->Calcutta, I drive my little taxi in
->Calcutta, taxi taxi taxi in
->Calcutta, I am a taxidriverman

->I love to drive the taxi I like it very much
->Even though I have no license I always find the clutch
->I can drive without my hands I can drive without my feet
->And I have no problem keeping taxi on the street
-->--- '''Dr Bombay''', ''Calcutta''

->Turn, yield, halt\\
If you fail, you'll know who's at fault\\
Avoid vehicular assault\\
As you're doing the Drusselstein Driving Test Waltz!\\
\\
Gas, shift, brake\\
Drinking coffee's a big mistake\\
Try not to plunge into the lake\\
When you're doing the Drusselstein Driving Test Waltz!\\
\\
Use two hands when you steer her\\
Then check in the mirror\\
What you see may be nearer\\
Don't lay on the horn!\\
\\
See the traffic cop bossing\\
Pedestrians crossing\\
Never drive when you're flossing\\
You'll wish you weren't born!\\
\\
Belt yourself\\
Only way to protect your health\\
Leave your friends all your hard-earned wealth\\
If you croak when you're boldly embarking\\
And parallel-parking\\
And acing the written\\
Look out for that kitten!\\
No time for high-fiving\\
You're barely surviving\\
The dangerous Drusselstein Driving Test Waltz!
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb'', "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAW2bghGniw The Drusselstein Driving Test Waltz]]"

->'''Kermit''': Where did you learn how to drive?
->'''Fozzie''': I took a correspondence course.
-->--''TheMuppetMovie''

->Jay driving us to school really did make me feel like royalty. Unfortunately, the royalty I felt like was Princess Diana.
-->--'''Will''', ''Series/TheInbetweeners''

->"Mental note: Never, ''ever'' let Bertie drive a car in real life, I say!"
-->--'''Gamechap''', ''GameChap'', when Bertie is at the wheel in ''NeedForSpeed''.

->'''Wife''': You think Toonces will pass his driving test?
->'''Husband''': Uh, I don't know.. that written part is pretty hard - and he can't even read.
->'''Wife''': Maybe he'll make up for it on the driving part.
->'''Husband''': Damn! I wish I could help him!
->[ dissolve to Toonces in the car with Driving Instructor ]
->'''Driving Instructor''': Alright, sir. If you'll just go ahead and pull out into traffic..
->[ Toonces pulls out ]
->'''Driving Instructor''': Look out!! [ screams ]
->[ show car flying over cliff ]
->Jingle: "Toonces the Driving Cat."
->'''Driving Instructor V/O''': How does he reach the pedals?
-->--''Series/SaturdayNightLive''

-->[[DoNotPassGo They'll put you behind bars]]
-->[[NotAGame We're not playin' bumper cars]]
-->Did a great figure eight
-->In the middle of the interstate
-->[[BurningRubber Tires squeal wherever we go]]
-->[[EvenBeggarsWontChooseIt Even hitchhikers just say no]]
-->-- '''Music/WeirdAlYankovic''', [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgnlSJRBTRo "She Drives Like Crazy"]]

->'''Martha:''' Blimey, did you have to pass a test to drive this thing?
->'''Doctor:''' Yes, and I failed it.
-->-- ''Series/DoctorWho'', "The Shakespeare Code"

->'''EVA''': Snake, leave the driving to me!
->'''Naked Snake''': Okay!
->''(One driving montage later)''
->'''EVA''': Geez, Snake, why don't you try aiming!?
->'''Naked Snake''': I WANNA CHANGE SEATS!
-->-- ''[[Webcomic/{{Hiimdaisy}} Let's Destroy]] [[MetalGearSolid3SnakeEater the Shagohod!]]''

->'''Polnareff''': Oh, by the way, I'm surprised you can drive even though you're a highschooler.\\
'''Kakyoin''': Yeah, I'm pretty decent at F-Mega.\\
'''Polnareff''': That's a Video Game! Hey, switch out with me!\\
(Kakyoin is now driving terribly.)\\
'''Polnareff''': Why are you pressing down on the gas?! Brake! Brake! Step on the brake!\\
'''Kakyoin''': Brake? The A button is the accelerator and the R button is to drift.\\
'''Polnareff''': It ain't a game! Break! Break!\\
(Kakyoin is still driving terribly.)\\
'''Polnareff''': That's the gas! Switch with me! Switch with me!
-->--''WebVideo/VaguelyRecallingJoJo''

->'''Denise''': Peter, if the intent of your driving is to make me ''glad'' I can't see...\\
'''Peter''': Hang on. That light six blocks away just turned yellow.
-->--''ComicStrip/FoxTrot''

->Road safety laws, prepare to be ignored!
-->--'''Grunkle Stan''', ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls'', "Boyz Crazy"

->First, though, you must understand that this was not just any old interstate. This was I-95 in downtown Miami, proud home of the worst darned drivers in the world.\\
I realize some of you are saying: ''Oh yeah? If you want to see REALLY bad drivers, you should come to MY city!''\\
Listen, I understand that this is a point of civic honor, and I am sure that the drivers in your city are all homicidal morons. But trust me when I tell you that there is no way they can compete with the team that Miami puts on the road.\\
I know what I'm talking about. I have driven in every major U.S. city, including Boston, where the motorists all drive as though there is an open drawbridge just ahead, and they need to gain speed so they can jump across it.\\
I have also driven in Italy, where there is only one traffic law, which is that no driver may ever be behind any other driver, the result being that at all times, all the motorists in the nation, including those in funeral processions, are simultaneously trying to pass.\\
I have ridden in a taxi in the Argentinean city of Mar del Plata (literally, "Cover your eyes"), where (a) nobody ever drives slower than 65 miles per hour, including inside parking garages, and (b) at night, many motorists drive with their headlights off, because-a taxi driver told me this, and he was absolutely serious-this extends the life of your bulbs. (When he told me this, we were in a major traffic jam caused by an accident involving a truck and a horse.)\\
I have also ridden on a bus in China, plowing through humongous traffic snarls involving trucks, cars, bicycles, ox-drawn carts and pedestrians, all aggressively vying for the same space, and where the bus driver would sometimes physically push pedestrians out of the way. I don't mean with his hands. I mean with the BUS.\\
My point is that I have seen plenty of insane driving techniques, and I am telling you for a fact that no place brings so many of these techniques together as Miami, where a stop sign has no more legal significance to most motorists than a mailbox. The police down here have given up on enforcing the traffic laws. If they stop you and find a human corpse in your trunk, they'll let you off with a warning if it's your first one.
-->-- '''DaveBarry''', ''[[http://www.miamiherald.com/2014/08/11/754230/driving-while-stupid.html Driving while Stupid]]''

-> Frankly, Dad didn't drive our car well at all. But he did drive it fast. He terrified all of us, but particularly Mother. She sat next to him on the front seat--with two of the babies on her lap--and alternated between clutching Dad's arm and closing her eyes in supplication. Whenever we rounded a corner, she would try to make a shield out of her body to
->protect the babies from what she felt sure would be mutilation or death.

->"Not so fast, Frank, not so fast," she would whisper through clenched teeth. But Dad never seemed to hear...
-->--''Literature/CheaperByTheDozen''