!!Conspiracy theorists in fiction
->''"A good conspiracy is unprovable. I mean, [[InsaneTrollLogic if you can prove it, it means they screwed up somewhere along the line]]."''
-->--'''Jerry Fletcher''', ''Film/ConspiracyTheory''

->''"There is no group of people this large in the world that can ''keep'' a secret. I find it comforting. It's how I know for sure that the government's not covering up aliens in New Mexico."''
-->--'''CJ Cregg''', ''Series/TheWestWing''

->''"I'm not crazy. Whatever it is they're guarding so carefully, I need to be able to prove that it's real."''
-->--'''Joe Brody,''' ''Film/{{Godzilla 2014}}''

->'''Alvin Kurtweil:''' Are you familiar with what the Federal Emergency Management Agency's real power is? FEMA allows the White House to suspend constitutional government upon declaration of a national emergency. Think about that. What's an agency with such broad, sweeping power doing managing a small viral outbreak in suburban Texas? ...The timetable has been set. It'll [[HorrorDoesntSettleForSimpleTuesday happen on a holiday,]] when people are away from their homes. The president will declare a state of emergency, at which time all government, all federal agencies will come under the power of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, FEMA--the secret government.\\
'''Fox Mulder:''' And they call ''me'' paranoid.
-->--'''''TheXFilesFightTheFuture'''''

->''"The Last Battalion is an elite unit which helped [[UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler the Fuhrer]] escape in secret! An insane army with [[StupidJetpackHitler cutting-edge technology]] and [[{{Ghostapo}} a powerful relic which absorbed Christ's blood,]] bent on enacting the Fuhrer's grudge! It's all in this book... [[MayanDoomsday Everything they're doing is in accordance with the Oracle of Maia]] in the ''In Lak'ech''! The Oracle of Maia was left to us by [[AncientAstronauts the Pleiades aliens who gifted mankind with civilization...]] It's a message entrusted to us by the Maians! Did you really think we evolved from apes on our own!? The answers aren't in history books! How did man come so far, so fast!? There's evidence all over the world of their presence in ancient times! It proves that mankind was guided by an ancient race! ...Underneath the netherworld is where the Maians sleep... [[{{Mayincatec}} The starship Xibalba is here!]] All sorts of civilizations originated there... But the ancient Maians that thrived here died during an intergalactic civil war... The victors were the Bolontiku race that controls Xibalba... [[ToServeMan When the Bolontiku thoughtforms take physical bodies, they will bring destruction to us all!]] That's why we can't go public with this!"''
-->--'''Maya Okamura''', ''VideoGame/{{Persona 2}}: Innocent Sin'' [[note]]:All of these statements are [[PoesLaw taken from real-life conspiracy theorists]].[[/note]]

->'''Leo Gold''': The entire executive branch is hand-picked. Nineteen of the last twenty-three U.S. presidents have been members of the Trilateral Commission. The Trilateral Commission is financed by the Rockefellers and the Rothschilds. Don’t tell me--\\
'''JC Denton''': That’s a think-tank. Anyone can become a member.\\
'''Leo Gold''': But not everyone does. That’s why they call it the 'secret government'.
-->--'''''VideoGame/DeusEx'''''

->''"Deb, listen to me Deb. They're at it again and people have got to know. They've got to know because they don't know; they won't report this stuff on the news because they own the news! Conspiracy? This goes beyond conspiracy, okay? There is no word for something as devious and secret as this, you understand? People need to hear this; they need to know the real story! Alright, [[AsYouKnow as we all know]] the Americans established a Moon base back in the [[TheSeventies late seventies]], that's no secret. But what most people don't know is that they have been conducting a dig. Not for resources, but for artifacts. Well, it's no coincidence that the Chinese have started conducting space missions. You know why? I'll tell you why. The reason is because the Chinese are trying to stop the Americans from finding an ancient space probe send by the Beta-Centaurians. And why? Because the Beta-Centaurians are giving space technology to the Chinese to get back at the Andromedans - a.k.a. TheGreys - for giving space technology to the Americans in TheFifties. The American government's been putting more money into space. Don't you see what's happening? I can't believe I'm the only one that's figured it out! Am I the only person alive that can see what's going on? It's because the Andromedans and the Betas are going to be fighting their war in this galaxy through us, Deb. And the American people, the people of Earth, you people, cannot let this happen! It's Mu versus {{Atlantis}} all over again!"''

->''"Deb. I'm about to reveal something that... I'm putting my life on the line. But the people, the people of this city and this country and this planet, they have the right to know this, do you understand? This is serious. There are a lot of organizations who would do anything in their power to keep this a secret. Deb, Deb, this is really serious now, can I finish? All right. Everyone knows they've got cameras at every stoplight so the government can keep tabs on our comings and goings. But did you know that they then sold access to their data bases to TheIlluminati, who has been using that information to compile a list of the most frequently traveled routes and then opening new locations of their well-known chain of coffee houses in the most profitable locations? And did you also know that they use those funds to suppress fusion and solar power? Well they, the Illuminati, control all the world's energy, and, because they monitor all of our energy usage, they can tell who is not watching television and therefore know who is not receiving the subliminal messages that they send to keep the sheep putting their money in banks away from their secret headquarters, a.k.a. Wyoming. As a matter of fact, and again I shouldn't be talking about this, but I believe that it's everybody's right to know that recycling is a myth. All that they do with those bottles and cans is [[ParanoiaFuel collect DNA samples from your saliva, so that they can clone you]]. And train your clone to [[KillAndReplace assassinate you and assume your identity]], should you go poking your nose into the whole global warming business."''

->''"Deb, this is it! This time I stumbled across something that is bigger than anything you could possibly imagine. A threat to the entire human race's existence. Deb, nothing can prepare the world for this. This is the biggest story in the history of humanity ever! Ever, Deb. How I found this out I can't say, but I'm risking my life to tell the world this. Are you prepared for this? People of Los Angeles, {{vampire}}s walk among us. Hear me out, Deb. Vampires are among us and have been since the dawn of time. And Los Angeles... Well, there's more vampires per person here than anywhere else in the world. People are killed by vampires all the time, but [[WrittenByTheWinners their secret vampire society covers it up]]. Who blew up that warehouse in Santa Monica? Vampires! What happened to the crew of the Elizabeth Dane? Vampires! Want to know what happened to that sarcophagus that disappeared? Vampires took it. The prince of vampires to be more specific. He wants to use it against a league of other vampires that have been trying to get a foothold in our city. And get this! There could be an even older vampire in the sarcophagus. An ancient super-vampire! It's the truth, Deb. TheUndead are all around us. We need to rise up and destroy our evil vampire overlords before it's too late!"''
->-- '''Gomez''', ''[[ShowWithinAShow Deb of Night]]'', ''VampireTheMasqueradeBloodlines''. [[spoiler:The last "theory" is [[TheCuckoolanderWasRight pretty much a summary of the plot of the game]].]]

->''"Conspiracy theories represent a known glitch in human reasoning. The theories are of course occasionally true, but their truth is completely uncorrelated with the believer's certainty. For some reason, sometimes when people think they've uncovered a lie, they raise confirmation bias to an art form. They cut context away from facts and arguments and assemble them into reassuring litanies. And over and over I've argued helplessly with smart people consumed by theories they were sure were irrefutable, theories that in the end proved complete fictions."''
-->-- ''Webcomic/{{xkcd}}''

->'''TortureTechnician''': "You stole files from our computer. Just tell me what you've learned."
->'''TheQuestion''': "Topically applied fluoride doesn't prevent tooth decay. It does render teeth detectable by SpySatellite!"
->'''Torture Technician''': "Tell me what you know!"
->'''The Question''': "[[WhatTheHeckIsAnAglet The plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces are called aglets]]. Their true purpose is '''sinister'''."
->'''Torture Technician''': "Tell me what you know!"
->'''The Question''': "There ''was'' a [[BulletsDoNotWorkThatWay magic bullet]]. It was forged by [[TheIlluminati Illuminati]] mystics to prevent us from learning the [[WhoShotJFK truth]]!"
--> -- ''JusticeLeagueUnlimited'', "Question Authority"

->'''Zeke''': "Look, I'm being serious man, now DARPA is the mother-load of black-ops crap. If she's in with those clowns, you better watch out, son."
->'''Cole''': "Yeah, yeah, yeah, and Santa Claus shot J.F.K, now where are those drinks?"
--> -- ''VideoGame/{{inFAMOUS}}''

!!Quotes by conspiracy theorists
->''"A Jewish Antichrist in the end of this age, pre-supposes an international system of Jewish government. There can be little doubt that such a system, based upon the Jewish Money Power, has already been created -- and is ready to step into the open and assume control of world affairs as soon as the time is ripe."''
-->--'''Gordon Winrod''', [[{{Blackshirt}} Nazi sympathizer]]

->''"I'm like a chimpanzee, in a tree, jumping up and down, warning other chimpanzees when I see a big cat coming through the woods… ''I'm'' the weirdo? Because I'm sitting in a tree going [[NotHelpingYourCase OOH OOH OOH AAH AAH AAH]]"''
-->--'''Radio/AlexJones'''

->''“Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's [[AnalogyBackfire nut]] that held its ground."''
-->-- '''David Icke'''

->''"Who wants to, will know: but who wants to ignore, will deny all the evidence that will be brought, albeit compelling evidence!"''
-->--'''Serge Monast''', [[HypocriticalHumor anti-New World Order crusader]]

->''"President Obama wants to give the entire land mass of the United States of America back to [[EspeciallyZoidberg the Indians]]. He wants Indian tribes to be our new overlords."''
-->--'''Bryan Fischer'''

->''"You guys think this is real? Your all sheep idiots. Pause the video at 0:02 seconds. You think that's a real boot? If that was a real boot then why would it be black? This is so clearly propaganda from the Bush era. All of this is bollocks, 9/11 was an inside job and the guy who is in this video went missing for 3 days after this was filmed and then turned up covered in jam in a church struggling to breathe dragging the carcass of a camel behind him screaming 'dirty denim doublers. Fuck the administration, this world is a lie.' then he collapsed and died under a bridge. Why would there even be a bridge in a church??? All bollocks. Open your eyes you sheep."''
-->--'''elroraps''' on [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy8Yt-P614w this video]] of a guy being kicked from a train.
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!!Quotes about conspiracy theorists
->''There are, of course, [[ShownTheirWork good conspiracy analysts]] and bad conspiracy analysts, just as there are good and bad historians or practitioners of any discipline. The bad conspiracy analyst tends to make two kinds of mistakes, which indeed leave him open to the Establishment charge of "paranoia." First, [[YouFailLogicForever he stops with the cui bono]]; if measure A benefits X and Y, he simply concludes that therefore X and Y were responsible. He fails to realize that this is just a hypothesis, and must be verified by finding out whether or not X and Y really did so. (Perhaps the wackiest example of this was the British journalist Douglas Reed who, seeing that the result of Hitler's policies was the destruction of Germany, concluded, without further evidence, that therefore Hitler was a conscious agent of external forces who deliberately set out to ruin Germany.) Secondly, the bad conspiracy analyst seems to have a compulsion to wrap up all the conspiracies, all the bad guy power blocs, into one giant conspiracy. Instead of seeing that there are several power blocs trying to gain control of [[TheGovernment government]], sometimes in conflict and sometimes in alliance, he has to assume - again without evidence - that a small group of men controls them all, and only seems to send them into conflict.''
->--'''Murray N. Rothbard''' "[[http://mises.org/daily/2809 The Conspiracy Theory of History Revisited"]]

->''"It is an exciting time to be in the Illuminati! ...planned events for the summer include a book signing with BillOReilly, iconography workshops at the United States Mint, Bible study with Rev. Joel Osteen on the Eighteen Undiscovered Gospels, and a Q. & A. with [[ElvisLives Tupac]]. Plus, guided hand-gesture tutorials, cancer vaccine clinics, and—back by popular demand—a tour of [=BuzzFeed=]. Then, later in the fall, you can look forward to apple picking with Henry Kissinger, PETA’s annual vegan-chili cookoff, and an intimate evening with President Obama and Anointed Successor Christie."''
-->--'''''The New Yorker''''', [[http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/shouts/2014/05/the-illuminati-summer-newsletter.html "The Illuminati Summer Newsletter"]]

->''"The powers that be are in fact watching you at all hours and tracking your every move, but only because they're hoping you'll slip on the ice and [[HarmlessVillain drop your groceries again]]."''
--> -- ''TheOnion''

->''"These people love the truth, they just hate facts."''
-->-- '''Bill Maher''', on Obama "Birthers".

->''"All of this is pure bunk and is no more important than the fact that my first, middle, and last name [[MarkOfTheBeast all have 6 letters.]]"''
-->--'''George Lauren''', IBM programmer and avatar of The Dark One

->''"It is ironic that [[{{Eagleland}} a nation which had never experienced a coup d'état]] should be so obsessed with the idea of conspiracy."''
-->--'''Creator/GoreVidal''', "Paranoid Politics"

->''"There's complete disaffection about everything... you get a very good reception these days for the kinds of things I talk about. But it's scary--because if you came and told people, "[[UsefulNotes/BillClinton Clinton's]] organizing a U.N. army with aliens to come and carry out genocide, you'd better run for the hills," you'd [[FanDumb get the same favorable response.]]"''
-->--'''Noam Chomsky'''

->''"White doesn't necessarily practice film criticism, although what he writes is almost always based on his real or imagined characterization of what other critics have already written. The movie itself sometimes gets lost in White's [[TalkativeLoon internal monologue]] as he rages against [[OldMediaAreEvil some chimerical critical consensus]]."''
-->--'''Jim Emerson''' on film critic Armond White

->''"If you were to believe everything you read on the Internet, you'd think that every celebrity is an ambulatory heap of fake body parts mind-controlled by [[UsefulNotes/BarackObama President Obama]], who is a shapeshifting reptoid from a faraway star system (plus, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking having an affair with Beyoncé]]). It is a lot to sort through. But, you know, it's important to have an active imaginary life and/or a game plan if the reptilian overlords do decide to stop hiding cryptic symbols in [[WillSmith Willow Smith]] videos and get to openly subduing the world population in the name of Satan."''
-->--'''''Jezebel''''', [[http://jezebel.com/31-celebrity-conspiracy-theories-ranked-1570845261 "31 Celebrity Conspiracy Theories, Ranked"]]

->''"It is an interesting world we live in, where you can tell a group of people that you made a crop circle with a rope, even show them how you did it, and they still insist that an unknown paranormal intelligence did it. You can tell them that two plus two equals four and they'll insist that it's five."''
-->-- '''Brian Dunning''' of ''Podcast/{{Skeptoid}}''

->''"There is of course a dark side to [[AuthorAppeal all the conspiracy elements]] of their films, which is that at least one of them believes in them for real. ''[Roberto]'' Orci is a 9/11 truther who previously tweeted about the collapse of WTC 7 (just, you know, [[AssPull asking questions]]), and on the day of the Boston Marathon bombings, he told his followers to look out for 'evidence of Government drills' in Boston (coded language for suggesting the attack was a '[[FalseFlagOperation false flag]]' operation by our own government)."''
-->--'''''Website/TheAgonyBooth''''', [[http://www.agonybooth.com/agonizer/Kurtzman_Orci_Directing_Star_Trek_3_Venom.aspx "Kurtzman and Orci to direct (and ruin) Venom, Star Trek 3"]]

->''"Do I really need to go into the politics? It is some of the most inane, delusional, contradictory nonsense ever spewed out on screen. It’s bad when I’m a liberal and [[OffendingTheCreatorsOwn you are making me want to vote for Nixon]]. Basically the evil “government” is responsible for all evils in the world short of throwing babies in a woodchipper (and that’s only because we don’t know about it yet due to the government keeping it hush hush)."''
-->--'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Miles Antwiler]]''' [[http://moviemoses.wordpress.com/2011/07/11/the-trial-of-billy-jack-tom-laughlin-1974/ on]] ''The Trial of Billy Jack''

->'''Laura''': Neal Adams has actually found a way to shoehorn his Expanding Earth conspiracy theory into a ''Batman'' comic. Sometimes, dreams do come true.\\
David: Given that Adams has been pretty vocal about his theories for quite some time, it’s quite a thing to see it play a direct role in something as notable as a ''Batman'' story. We also have to recognize that apparently [[BeneathTheEarth the inner earth]] was like [[SciFiWritersHaveNoSenseOfScale a ten minute walk from the Batcave]].
-->--'''[[http://comicsalliance.com/batman-odyssey-neal-adams-review/ Laura Hudson]]''', "The Complete and Utter Insanity of ''ComicBook/BatmanOdyssey''"

->''"The even stupider theory that the Sandy Hook shooting never actually happened made it all the way to mainstream media attention due to conspiracy theorists poring over photographs and news reports -- any misplaced pixel on a photo is proof of Photoshop, any misspoken word in a news report is evidence of a cover-up... one guy posts that the Sandy Hook massacre was done by the same squad that 'began their evil twisted careers with the faked death and witness protection escape for [[ElvisLives Elvis]],' and ''no one disagrees with him.''"''
-->--'''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', [[http://www.cracked.com/article_21341_5-ways-every-conspiracy-theory-makes-world-worse.html "5 Ways Every Conspiracy Theory 'Makes Sense'"]]

->''"So, to wrap things up, there’s only one conclusion one can draw from all this top quality research. TV’s Jimmy Savile is [[Really700YearsOld an immortal energy vampire]] who’s been active since the beginning of time [[IHaveManyNames under a multitude of names]], from [[BeethovenWasAnAlienSpy Vlad the Impaler to the Knights Templar]]. Sometime in the sixties, he was summoned to our time in a ceremony by [[RockMeAsmodeus Mick Jagger and the Beatles]], using the arcane, Satanic wisdom of Aleister Crowley, from where he [[EatsBabies procured children]] for the elite, via the Leeds [[{{Hellgate}} Hell Mouth]], which acted as an energy portal for the Jewish, Masonic vampires that enslave our world. [[DeadpanSnarker It’s pretty obvious when you look at the facts.]]"''
-->-- '''[[http://franticplanet.wordpress.com/2012/10/15/jimmy-savile-and-david-icke-all-the-pieces-matter/ Stuart Millard]]''', "Jimmy Saville and David Icke - All the Pieces Matter"

->''"If you closely analyze the explosions here, here, and here, you’ll notice that this is a controlled demolition. And if you take all segments and the first letter of each city that each segment was shot in, it spells out the word "CNHOS", which means nothing but it clearly reveals that the government has been infiltrated by TheIlluminati, whose informant, as we all know, is none other than [[Franchise/StarWars Chewbacca]] and the author of the [[Literature/HarryPotterAndThePrisonerOfAzkaban third]] ''Literature/HarryPotter'' book, which alludes to an alien plot to destroy the world, but not just any alien, but this alien, [[Film/ETTheExtraterrestrial this alien]], and this alien. And who is the only human being who can save us from this GovernmentConspiracy? NicolasCage."''
-->-- '''RayWilliamJohnson''' on [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggg3C87UVCY this environmentalist ad]] in the episode aptly titled [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5yEXai8MoQ&t=3m13s "Conspiracy Theory"]]
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