->'''[[ComicBook/SpiderMan Peter]]:''' Is this [[ExtranormalPrison the Raft]]? Are you doing work for the supermax prison?
->'''[[Characters/MarvelComicsOttoOctavius Otto]]:''' Indeed! They're soliciting bids to modernize their security grid; figured I'd try my hand. Lucrative contract, and a satisfyingly difficult nut to crack!
->'''Wade:''' Well, I don't like the sound of that at all! How does like the most supermax prison that exists ''not modernize?! Why is that the supermax prison, if it's not already modernized?!'' '''What?! Excuse me?!''' "Oh, we only put the most dangerous criminals in that facility we built back in the 1800s! It's made of cardboard, it's bound to hold them! Unless it rains! Its only weakness is rain! And sharp objects! And punching! And hungry mice! But it's the supermax prison, nothing to worry about!"
-->-- '''LetsPlay/LordMinion777''', ''VideoGame/SpiderManPS4'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3TfC63HbvI&t=3132 Part 11]]

->'''Vic:''' Look, [[ImADoctorNotAPlaceholder I'm a publicist, not a]] [[ActorAllusion magician]]. You want big news, you have to have big fights. A superhero needs a supervillain. [[SurprisinglyRealisticOutcome And thanks to you, we've got none left]].
->'''Captain Amazing:''' Then get... the... Death Man!
->'''Vic:''' [[{{Irony}} Death Man is dead]].
->'''Captain Amazing:''' Okay -- Father Doom!
->'''Vic:''' Life without parole. Apocalypto's doing fifty years. Armagezzmo's in exile. Baron von Chaos got the chair...
->'''Captain Amazing:''' ''(legitimately surprised)'' Really?
->'''Vic:''' Casanova Frankenstein is locked up in a nut house...
-->--''Film/MysteryMen''

->''Peoriah Johnson told Dudlow Jones\\
"I can break out of any old jail you know\\
The bars are iron, the walls are stone\\
All I need me is an old fish bone."\\
They're servin' fish in the jailhouse tonight\\
Oh boy, alright.''
-->-- '''Music/TomWaits''', "Fish in the Jailhouse" - ''Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards''

->''Unfortunately, it's also got a terrible track record of actually keeping criminals locked up. I'm not saying it's a revolving door, but it seems like every time I pick up the morning paper Nanosec or the archer guy has busted out.''
-->-- '''Captain Fanzone''' (on Blackwater Prison), ''WesternAnimation/TransformersAnimated: [[AllThereInTheManual The Allspark Almanac]]''

->''This thing on? I'm gonna be brief. Because I'm dying. Because I got shivved. A lot. I just wanna get it on record that using force fields for doors in a space prison is a bad idea. You know what would have been better? Regular doors. With locks. Locks that don't open when the power goes out. [cough cough] Man, those blue force fields looked good, though. Every time I saw one, I thought, "Wow. I am in space." Still, though. A door made out of paper would have been better in the long run. Would have at least slowed 'em down for a second. Anyway. [cough] Anybody not escaping or shivving me, get back to work.''
-->--'''Cave Johnson''', ''VideoGame/Portal2 -- Perpetual Testing Initiative''

->'''Earl Hickey:''' I bet they didn't mention the 740 inmates who ''didn't'' escape!\\
'''Warden Hazelwood:''' I like you. You're a "prison half full" kinda guy.
-->-- ''Series/MyNameIsEarl''

->He was, on the whole, a pretty good jailer: he always had a pot of tea on the go, he was as a general rule amiably disposed to most people, he was too slow to be easily fooled and he kept the cell keys in a tin box in the bottom drawer of his desk, a long way out of reach of any stick, hand, dog, cunningly thrown belt or trained Klatchian monkey spider[[note]]Making Fred Colon possibly unique in the annals of jail history.[[/note]]''
-->-- ''Literature/{{Thud}}'' on '''Fred Colon'''

->'''Bruce Wayne:''' You don't know the first thing about the American justice system, do you?\\
'''Robin:''' I know it's bogus.\\
'''Bruce Wayne:''' And how did you come to that well-thought-out conclusion?\\
'''Robin:''' Watching you.
-->-- ''[[WesternAnimation/BatmanTheAnimatedSeries The New Batman Adventures]]'', "Cold Comfort"

->'''Scars:''' I got 35 years, but they let me out early.\\
'''Kid:''' How long did you do this time?\\
'''Scars:''' Three days.
-->-- ''Film/TheQuickAndTheDead''

->'''Chris:''' Lenny’s presence initiates an escape plan that identifies Luthor’s guards as the single dumbest cops in the history of the world. Seriously, they are two men willing to just cold start ignoring a guy who '''''once tried to nuke California''''' the second someone drives up with surround sound, and they end up being driven off a cliff by remote control for it, which is about what they deserve. I’m just not sure why it was necessary to even have a plan to escape from these morons, let alone one that involved destroying a car. I think Luthor could’ve probably just [[LookBehindYou pretended to throw a tennis ball]] and distracted them long enough to make a break for it.\\
'''David''': He’s also held with all of a single chain between his legs, which Lenny breaks with the almighty boltcutters, Lex Luthor’s secret weapon.
-->--Chris Sims and David Uzumeri [[http://comicsalliance.com/comicsalliance-reviews-superman-iv-the-quest-for-peace-1987-2/ on]] ''Film/SupermanIVTheQuestForPeace''

->''After police completed the difficult job of arresting him, the prison psychiatrist completed the easy job of declaring [Viacheslav] Datsik insane. He was locked away in a high security mental hospital. Three years later, they moved this superhumanly violent lunatic to a minimum security clinic. See if you can spot where they made a mistake. Datsik tore through a goddamn barbed wire fence with his bare hands, stole a cell phone and escaped to Norway...So now, after multiple concussions, a four year disappearance, a diagnosis of schizophrenia, three years in a hospital for the criminally insane, a screaming jog through a barbed wire fence, [[ThoseWackyNazis a Nazi costume]] and the world's most ridiculous request for political asylum, he gets extradited back to Russia and the psychiatrists now declare him, get this, legally sane. Now I know what Yakov Smirnoff meant when he said that [[RussianReversal in Soviet Russia fucks don't give you]].''
-->--'''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-athletes-who-had-more-crazy-than-talent/#ixzz33B6lIpHL "7 Athletes Who Had More Crazy Than Talent"]]

->''Palin Correctional Center. They recently upgraded the place with Blume's state-of-the-art security: networked locks, automated surveillance... If they were holding the guy in an older prison, I'd have a problem. But Blume's right on this one: [[EverythingIsOnline they do make life easier through technology]].''
-->--'''Aiden Pearce''', ''VideoGame/WatchDogs''

->''Suge Knight made us all think of Suge Knight again last week when he killed a man and injured another on the set of the Music/{{NWA}} biopic ''Straight Outta Compton'' in L.A... Nobody tell Suge this, but if he lost about 300 pounds, painted himself orange, put on a stringy ginger wig, changed his name to Creator/LindsayLohan and then pleaded guilty to murder, the judge would sentence him to 3 minutes in jail and [[{{Unishment}} revoke his Starbucks privileges for a week]].''
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2015/02/02/suge-knight-charged-with-murder/ Michael K.]]'''

->''Why was Kroagnon kept locked up in the basement where he can plot his revenge? Why wasn't he carted off to the nearest prison? The only answer I can think of is that the original inhabitants of Paradise Towers wanted to give him a fighting chance.''
-->--'''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/paradise-towers-written-by-stephen_10.html Joe Ford]]''' on ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS24E2ParadiseTowers}} "Paradise Towers"]]

->''It might be escape-proof for [[Creator/LeonardNimoy an elderly Vulcan with a gut]], but not a ninety-pound Chinese acrobat you may find yourself having to imprison... what is it with ''Franchise/StarTrek'' brigs having all sorts of panels and doohickeys on the wall, too? In that episode "I Borg" -- y'know, that one with Hugh the Borg? -- Geordi attaches a thing to a control panel which allows a power surge for the Borg to eat energy. ''What is that shit even there??''\\\
But then again, the [[DeflectorShields force field]] isn't even a good idea. You remember that episode of ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'' where Tuvok had to transport, like, 50 dangerous convicts in their cargo bay? This fucking genius makes ''fifty cages'' but with ''one'' open side for a force field. 'Cause I guess it's the future or somethin', and [[AcceptableBreaksFromReality you gotta have a force field]]. But then later on, the power goes out and all the force fields drop. Then everybody escapes. ''Why not just make FUCKING '''CAGES''', YOU STUPID ASS?!'' How 'bout [[GoodOldWays a room with plain walls, and good old iron bars]]?''
-->--'''[[WebVideo/RedLetterMedia Mr. Plinkett]]''', ''Film/StarTrekVTheFinalFrontier'' rifftrack

->"''That place does not have SwissCheeseSecurity, it has ''grated parmesan."
-->--'''A [[Website/SpacebattlesDotCom spacebattles]] [[https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/worst-depictions-of-law-enforcement-in-fiction.346437/page-3#post-18047695 poster]]''' on [[ComicBook/{{Batman}} Arkham Asylum]]

->''"Plumbers HQ ''really'' needs to work on its security system, Grandpa!"''
-->--'''Ben Tennyson''', ''WesternAnimation/Ben10Omniverse''

->''Really? Is there a revolving door at that prison?''
-->--'''Spider-Man''', ''WesternAnimation/TheSpectacularSpiderMan''

->''I got an interesting tip today; remember that barbaric beast named the Rhino? Apparently, last night he almost escaped from his cell in The Raft. How, you ask? Well, no one there seems to know, but they assure me he's been relocated to a "more secure" cell. Now I'm no expert on supermax prisons, but isn't the whole point of them that there ''isn't'' anything else more secure? I mean, he's a seven hundred pound maniac with an indestructible horn! If there's a more secure cell, [[JerkassHasAPoint WHY WASN'T HE IN IT]]?!''
-->--'''J. Jonah Jameson''', ''Videogame/SpiderManPS4''

->The [=MPs=] hustled me from the room, down a hallway to a bare, overlit room furnished with a chair and a sink and a cot and a steel door with a feeding slot in it. They threw me in, not at all gently. I was a prisoner.\\
Three minutes later, [[VoluntaryShapeshifting I demorphed]] in front of General Doubleday again.\\
He had me tackled once more, handcuffed, shackled, my mouth duct-taped. I was carried, hog-tied, from the room and thrown back in the cell. In the cell I was chained to the cot.\\
Three minutes later, I demorphed in front of General Doubleday.\\
"General, why don't you stop being stupid and listen?" I said.\\
He stopped being stupid. [[OverlyLongGag But not until the fourth time I demorphed in front of him]].
-->--''Literature/{{Animorphs}} #53: The Answer''

->''[[RhinoRampage Even the babies are one the most dangerous animals in the world]], so I built this cage to keep them secure, [[TemptingFate so there's no possible]] [[EpicFail OH MY GOD]]!''
-->--'''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGwvtB8Hd_Y Cutest Prison Break]]'''

->''So Arkham Asylum, if you guys weren't aware, doesn't have doors. We're campaigning to get Arkham doors that lock.''
-->--'''[[WebVideo/TwoBestFriendsPlay Matt]]''', ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0X5hiqwGoY&list=PL57hJfweW_2vnsaTfBo3nQzp0HQFjcljQ&index=2&t=0s Best Friends Play]]: VideoGame/BatmanTheTelltaleSeries''

->'''Mike''': Hey, Rose?\\
'''Rose''': Yeah?\\
'''Mike''': I think I could probably break this lock.\\
'''Rose''': ...[[PolitenessJudo Please don't]].\\
'''Mike''': Okay.
-->--''Film/AmericanUltra''

->''"Gone 2 Arkham Back After Lunch"''
-->--'''Doodlebug''', ''ComicBook/ArkhamAsylumLivingHell''

->'''Characters/{{Batman|TheCharacter}}:''' You belong in Arkham, Scarecrow.\\
'''[[Characters/BatmanTheScarecrow The Scarecrow]]:''' So I can break out again?
-->-- ''VideoGame/Injustice2''

->'''Golden Guard:''' For the crime of... ''rocketing'' me off my own ship, you'll be locked in the dingiest cell in the Conformatorium for the rest of your sad little life.\\
'''Luz:''' Pfft, whatever. [[ContinuityNod I already broke out there, like, twice]].
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheOwlHouse''

->''I can leave here whenever I '''want.''' You '''know that!''' I only stay here for as long as I think it's '''funny!''' And it's '''not funny''' any more.''
-->--'''The Joker''', ''ComicBook/{{Justice}}''

->'''Prison Guard:''' ''"Interplanetary space prison calling Superman. Luthor has escaped!"''\\
'''ComicBook/{{Superman}}:''' ''"Great Krypton! Can no prison hold him?"''
-->-- ''ComicBook/TheSuperRevengeOfLexLuthor''

->''This door to remain unlocked. No one knows why.''
-->--The sign outside the prison door Joker exits out of, as seen in ''WebVideo/AfterHours''

->'''Jim:''' Well, Evil Jim is right where he belongs.\\
'''Peter:''' Serving a two-month sentence in a minimum security prison?\\
'''Jim:''' Don't question our system of justice, my little Pinko friend!
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/EarthwormJim''

->''Off to jail for you, Lex Luthor! You may have only killed thousands of people during your Year-Long Reign of Disasters, but I'm sure you'll be out in a couple weeks because the guards at the prison gave you a ball-point pen and a baloney sandwich.''
-->-- '''[[https://bullyscomics.blogspot.com/2018/01/the-1978-2017-dc-calendar-of-super_71.html Comics Oughta be Fun]]'s commentary on the DC 1978 Calendar of Super Disasters'''
----