!!''Buffy the Vampire Slayer'' (1992)

->''"Excuse me for not knowing where El Salvador is. Like I'm ever going to [[BookDumb Spain]], anyway."''
-->'''Buffy'''

->''"Great. My secret weapon is PMS."''
-->'''Buffy'''

->''"There's a small village in Hampshire, near Stonehenge...'' (notices Buffy's [[BookDumb blank look]]) ''Near [[LaymansTerms a bunch of big rocks]]. That's where I was born."''
-->'''Merrick'''

->'''Buffy's Mom''': Bye-bye, Bobby.\\
'''Jeffery''': Bye! ''(to Buffy)'' She thinks my name's Bobby?\\
'''Buffy''': It's possible she thinks ''my'' name's Bobby.

->''"Everyone gets horribly killed except [[FinalGirl the blonde girl]] in the nightie, who finally kills the monster with a machete. But [[TheEndOrIsIt it's not really dead]]."\\
"Oh, my God, is that true?"\\
"Probably. What movie is this?"''
-->'''Buffy''' and '''Jennifer'''

->''"I don't believe this! The world is under attack by legions of the undead, and you're going to'' a mixer?!?"
-->'''Pike'''

->''"I've got something none of the other girls had."\\
"And what's that?"\\
"My keen fashion sense."\\
"Oh, vampires of the world, beware."\\
"Merrick [[NoSenseOfHumor you made a joke!]] Are you okay? I mean, do you wanna lie down? I know it hurts the first time."''
-->'''Buffy''' and '''Merrick'''

->''"I'm the Chosen One, and I choose to be shopping."''
-->'''Buffy'''

->''"C'mon, Pike! [[WeCanRuleTogether Join me! Live forever!]] We can start a band!"''
-->'''Benny'''

->''""They had fangs. They were biting people. They had this look in their eyes totally cold. Animal. I think they were Young Republicans."''
-->'''Andy'''

->''"Now, [[AGodAmI I'm a god!]]''\\
(Pike stakes him)\\
''"And now, [[PreMortemOneLiner you're a coat rack]]."''
-->'''Grueller''' and '''Pike'''

->''"I have detention slips here, and [[FelonyMisdemeanor I'm not afraid to use them!]]"''
-->'''Gary Murray''' to horde of vampires attacking the school gym

->(while dying) ''"You do'' everything ''wrong."\\
"Sorry. I take it back."\\
"...No. [[ObiWanMoment Do it wrong]]. Don't play our game."''
-->'''Buffy''' and '''Merrick'''

->''"You ruined my new jacket!'' (to henchmen) ''Kill him. [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment A LOT]]."''
-->'''Amilyn''', after [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction his left arm has been torn off]]

->''"We're immortal. We can do anything."\\
"Oh yeah? [[AnArmAndALeg Clap.]]"''
->'''Amilyn''' and '''Buffy'''

->''"I crashed your party."\\
"How shallow."\\
"Yeah well, I'm pretty shallow. Would I get my ass kicked if I asked you to dance?"''
-->'''Pike''' and '''Buffy'''

!!The TV series
->''" Oh yeah. I'm cool. Nothing wrong here. [[SandInMyEyes It's only allergy season.]] Just like [[DramaBomb every February and May in the Buffyverse]]."''
-->'''Sep''', ''TelevisionWithoutPity''

->''"I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good."''
-->'''Xander'''

->''"Let me be sure I have this right - this witch is casting horrible and disfiguring spells... so that she can become a'' '''cheerleader'''?"
-->'''Giles'''

->''"The part that gets me, though, is where Buffy is the Vampire Slayer. [[ExpectingSomeoneTaller She's so little]]."''
-->'''Miss Calender'''

->''"[[WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes I don't like spiders]], okay? [[SpidersAreScary Their furry bodies, and their sticky webs, and what do they need all those legs for anyway]]?''
-->'''Willow'''

->''Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes\\
They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses\\
And [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking what's with all the carrots?]]\\
What do they need such good eyesight for anyway~?'' ♪
-->'''Anya'''

->''"Yes, I must consult my books."''\\
(to Willow) ''"OH! 8 minutes and 33 seconds. [[SideBet Pay up!]] I called 10 minutes before you'd '[[{{Catchphrase}} consult your books]]' about something."''
-->'''Giles''' and '''Xander'''

->(reads [[IHaveYourWife ransom note]]) ''"Come to the Bronze before it opens, or we make her a meal."\\
"They're [[FauxHorrific gonna cook her dinner?!]] ''({{beat}})'' ...[[CantBelieveISaidThat I'll pretend I didn't say that]]."''
-->'''Buffy''' and '''Xander'''

->(to Buffy) ''"So Angel has decided to step up his harassment of you."\\
"By sneaking in her room and leaving stuff at night? [[WhyDontYaJustShootHim Why doesn't he just slit her throat or strangle her while she's sleeping or cut her heart out?]]'' ([[EyeTake off everyone's looks]]) ''What, [[StopHelpingMe I'm trying to help]]."''
-->'''Giles''' and '''Cordelia'''

->''"I don't see why everyone picks on MarieAntoinette. I can'' so ''relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and [[ItsAllAboutMe people don't appreciate that kind of effort]]. And I'' know ''the peasants were all depressed..."\\
"I think you mean'' [[BookDumb oppressed]]."
-->'''Cordelia''' and '''Xander'''

->''"You die, and a demon sets up shop in your old house, and it walks, and it talks, and it remembers your life, but it's not you."''
-->'''Buffy'''

->'''Xander:''' "Visiting hours are over."
->'''Angelus:''' "Well, I'm pretty much family."
->'''Xander:''' "Yeah. Why don't you come back during the day? Oh, gee, no, I guess you can't."
->'''Angelus:''' "If I decide to walk into Buffy's room, do you think for one microsecond that you could stop me?"
->'''Xander:''' "Maybe not. Maybe that security guard couldn't either. Or those cops... or the orderlies... But I'm kinda curious to find out. You game?"
->'''Angelus:''' "Buffy's White Knight. You still love her. It must just eat you up that I got there first."
->'''Xander:''' (after a quiet beat) "You're gonna die. And I'm gonna be there."

->''"Yes, it's terribly simple. [[LiesToChildren The good guys are always stalwart and true; the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day! No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after]]."''
-->'''Giles''' on life.

->''"'I aspire to help my fellow man.' Check. --As long as he's not smelly, dirty or something gross."\\
"Cordelia Chase, always ready to give a helping hand to [[OverlyNarrowSuperlative the rich and the pretty]].\\
"Which, lucky me, excludes you.'' Twice."
-->'''Cordelia''' and '''Xander'''

->''"Goody! [[IncrediblyLameFun Research party!]]"\\
"Will, you need a life in the worst way." ''
-->'''Willow''' and '''Xander'''

->''"Yes, let's not jump to conclusions."\\
"I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were."''
-->'''Giles''' and '''Buffy'''

->''"I'm not ashamed. It's the computer age. Nerds are in. They're still in, right?"''
-->'''Willow'''

->''"Well, I sort of test well, you know, which is cool. Except that it leads to jobs."''
-->'''Oz'''

->'''Kendra''': I study because it is required. The Slayer handbook insists on it.\\
'''Willow''': There's a Slayer handbook?\\
'''Buffy''': Wait. [[ReadTheFreakingManual Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?]]\\
'''Willow''': Is there a T-shirt, too? 'Cause that would be cool... \\
'''Giles''': After meeting you, Buffy, I realized that, uh, the handbook would [[StealthInsult be of no use in your case]].\\
'''Buffy''': Well, what do you mean it would be of no use in my case? Wha-what's wrong with my case??

->''"I'd rather be worm food than [[AnythingButThat look at your pathetic face!]]"\\
"Then go! I'm not stopping ya."\\
"I bet you wouldn't! I bet you'd [[YouCanKeepHer let a girl go off to her doom]] all by herself!"\\
"Not just any girl. ''[[StealthInsult You're special.]]''\\
"I can't believe that I'm [[LockedInARoom stuck spending what will probably be my last few moments on Earth]] here WITH YOU!"\\
"I ''hope'' these are my last few moments! Three more seconds with you, and I'm gonna..."''\\
(gets in his face)'' "'I'm gonna' ''what? Coward!"\\
"Moron!"\\
"''I ''hate'' you!\\
"I HATE YOU!"\\
''(they start [[SlapSlapKiss kissing each other madly]])''\\
"We ''so'' [[OhCrap need to get outta here.]]"''
-->'''Cordelia''' and '''Xander'''

->''"I'm not really a computer person, you know. Or [[TheSlacker a work of any kind person.]]"\\
"They why'd they select you?"\\
"Oh, I sorta test well. Y'know, which is cool. Except that [[BrilliantButLazy it leads to jobs.]]"\\
"Well, don't you have some ambition?"\\
"Oh, yeah, yeah! E-flat, diminished ninth."\\
"Huh?"\\
"Well, the E-flat, it's, it's doable, but that diminished ninth, y'know, [[MundaneMadeAwesome it's a man's chord]]. You could lose a finger."''
-->'''Oz''' and '''Willow'''

->''"There are no dead students here. [[BaitAndSwitchComment This week]]."''
-->'''Principal Snyder'''

->''"I don't take orders. I do things my way."\\
"No wonder you died."''
-->'''Buffy''' and '''Kendra'''

->''"Oh! I know this one: 'Slaying entails certain sacrifices. [[BlahBlahBlah Blah blah bitty blah]]. I'm so stuffy, give me a scone.'"\\
"[[SarcasmMode It's as if you know me]]."''
-->'''Buffy''' and '''Giles'''

->''"I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around and they kill people, and they [[OneDialogueTwoConversations take over your whole house and start making these stupid little mini-pizzas. Now I like a mini-pizza, but I'm telling you...]]"\\
"Uh, Buffy! I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh... text."''
-->'''Buffy''' and '''Giles'''

->'''Cordelia:''' I don't get it. Buffy's the Slayer -- shouldn't she have...
->'''Xander:''' What, a [[HeroInsurance license to kill]]?
->'''Cordelia:''' Well, not for fun. But she's like this Superman. [[ThereShouldBeALaw Shouldn't there be different rules for her?]]
->'''Willow:''' [[SarcasmMode Sure, in a fascist society.]]
->'''Cordelia:''' Right! Why can't we have one of those?"

->''"I'm going to kill them all. That ought to distract them."''
-->'''Buffy'''

->''"You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that an offensive term? Should I say [[PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad undead American]]?"''
-->'''Buffy'''

->''"I can walk like a man but I'm not one."''
-->'''Angel'''

->''"When Giles sends me on a mission, he says "please." And afterwards I get a cookie."''
-->'''Buffy'''

->''"Angel is a good vampire! I mean, on a scale of one to ten, ten being someone who's killing and maiming every night, and one being someone who's not."''
-->'''Willow'''

->''"What a day. [[INeedAFreakingDrink Gimme a beer.]]"''\\
[deadpan] ''"ID."''\\
[Anya glares at him]\\
[deadpan] ''"ID."''\\
''"I'M ELEVEN HUNDRED AND TWENTY YEARS OLD, just gimme a frickin' beer!"''\\
[deadpan] ''"ID."''\\
[sighs] ''"Gimme a Coke."''
-->'''Anya''' and a '''bartender'''

->''"Hi, for those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person."''
-->'''Xander'''

->''"Whatever happened to Latin? At least when ''that'' made no sense, the church approved."''
-->'''Giles'''

->''"Have I ever let you down?"
->"Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?"''
-->'''Buffy''' and '''Giles'''

->"'Dear Buffy...' ''Hmmm. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards."\\
"[[WhyDontYaJustShootHim Why don't you rip her lungs out?]] That might make an impression.\\
"Lacks... poetry."\\
"Doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?"''
-->'''Angelus''' and '''Spike'''

->''"We're out of Wheat-a-Bix."\\
"We are out of Wheat-a-Bix because [[TheThingThatWouldNotLeave you ate it all. Again]]."\\
"Get some more."\\
"I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood."\\
"Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Wheat-a-Bix in the blood. Gives it a little texture."\\
"Since the picture you just painted means that [[LostMyAppetite I will never touch food of any kind again]], you'll just have to pick it up yourself."''
-->'''Spike''' and '''Giles'''

->''"And they say that young people don't learn anything in high school nowadays, but I've learned to be afraid."''
-->'''Xander'''

->''"I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species, and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them."\\
"Then why are you talking to ''me''?"\\
"I don't have a date for the prom."''
-->'''Anya''' and '''Xander'''

->''"Grave robbery? [[AdmiringTheAbomination That's new. Interesting]]."\\
"I ''know'' you meant to say gross and disturbing."\\
"Yes, yes, yes, of course. Terrible thing. Must put a stop to it. Damn it."''
-->'''Giles''' and '''Buffy'''

->''"Eww! Why is it that every conversation you people have has the word "corpse" in it?"''
-->'''Cordelia'''

->''"I've never actually heard of anyone attacked by a lone baseball bat before."
->"Maybe it's a vampire bat? [beat] I'm alone on that one, huh?"''
--> '''Giles''' and '''Xander'''

->''"A bear! You MADE [[BearsAreBadNews A BEAR!]]"\\
"I didn't mean to!"\\
"UNDO IT! UNDO IT!"''
-->'''Spike''' and '''Buffy'''

->''"[[YouHaveFailedMe You failed me]].\\
"Let's not quibble about [[NeverMyFault who failed who]]."''
-->'''Adam''' and '''Spike'''

->''"I have no interest in you. Leave us."\\
"No, we're not going to'' [imitates Dracula's accent] ''leave you. And [[YourCostumeNeedsWork where'd you get that accent]], Series/SesameStreet? Von, too, thee - ''thee'' victims! Ah ah ah!"''
-->'''Dracula''' and '''Xander'''

->''"What are you doing here, Spike? Five words or less!"\\
"Out. For. A. Walk. [beat] [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch Bitch.]]"''
-->'''Buffy''' and '''Spike'''

->''"Well, not exactly [[HenryV the St. Crispin's Day speech]], was it?"\\
"We few, we happy few."\\
"We [[FacingTheBulletsOneLiner band of buggered]]."''
-->'''Spike''' and '''Giles'''

->''"Examine my chip, or else Mister...'' [examines label] ''[[Franchise/StarWars Fett]] here is the first to die."\\
"Hey, all right, let's not, [[FelonyMisdemeanor let's not do anything crazy here]]."''
-->'''Spike''' and '''Jonathan'''

->''"[[RockBottom I'm chained in a bathtub drinking pig's blood from a novelty mug!]]"''
-->'''Spike'''
----