Nope, this is not the page to post quotes about obvious lies. There are no quotes here, none at all.

[[folder:Anime and Manga]]

->'''[[VisualNovel/FateStayNight Rider]]''': Um, I have this [[TheDitz "Airhead"]] as a skill...\\
'''[[VisualNovel/FateStayNight Shinji]]''': Liar! Your status page isn't even updated!!
--->-- ''Anime/CarnivalPhantasm''


[[folder:Comic Books]]

->'''[[ComicBook/{{Supergirl}} Linda Danvers]]:''' Then why'd you tell me you were at Symphony Hall when you talked to me on the phone that day?\\
'''Philip:''' D-did I...?\\
'''Linda:''' If you're going to lie, at least try to be consistent!
-->-- ''ComicBook/Supergirl1982''

->[[AffablyEvil Forgive my manners, captain]]. Allow me to introduce myself: my name is Scorpius... [[TreacherousAdvisor and I am here to serve you]].
-->--'''[[MagnificentBastard Scorpius]],''' ''Series/{{Farscape}}: Let Sleeping Dogs Lie''


[[folder:Fan Works]]

->'''Light:''' No one is listening to you, [[NotSoImaginaryFriend Ryuk]].\\
'''Sayu:''' What does "Ryuk" mean?\\
'''Light:''' Uh, It's my new name for you. It means [[Music/{{Kesha}} Ke$ha]] in Japanese.
-->-- ''WebVideo/DeathNoteTheAbridgedSeriesKpts4tv''


[[folder:Film - Animated]]

->[[ComicBook/{{Wolverine}} Logan]], I think we lost him!
-->-- '''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}''', as ComicBook/TheIncredibleHulk is three feet behind them, ''[[WesternAnimation/HulkVs Hulk Vs Wolverine]]''


[[folder:Film - Live-Action]]

->'''Mrs. Teasdale''': Your Excellency, I thought you'd left!\\
'''Chicolini''': Oh no, I no leave.\\
'''Mrs. Teasdale''': But I saw you with my own eyes!\\
'''Chicolini''': Well, who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?
-->-- ''Film/DuckSoup''

->'''Quill''': You look like Film/MaryPoppins!\\
'''Yondu''': [[PopCulturalOsmosisFailure Is he cool?]]\\
'''Quill''': ...[[MetaphoricallyTrue Hell yeah, he's cool.]]\\
'''Yondu:''' I'm Marry Poppins, y'all!
-->-- ''Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxyVol2''

->You have nice manners for a thief, and a ''LIAR!''
-->-- '''Smaug''', ''Film/TheHobbitTheDesolationOfSmaug''

->'''Mook:''' It's fine. Everything's under control...\\
'''Frank:''' Under control? You're grabbing a fucking bazooka, dumbass!
-->-- ''Film/KickAss''

->She... she gets serious nightmares.
-->-- '''Paulie''' caught entangled with her girlfriend by a roommate, ''Film/LostAndDelirious''

->Don't run! We are your friends!
-->-- The Martians while blasting everything in sight with laser guns, ''Film/MarsAttacks''

->I did say that, but nothing I ever told you was true.
-->-- '''Mark''' to Amber, ''Film/{{The Other Woman|2014}}''



->It was a difficult time. I did all that I could to protect my House and then other members of Court in attendance. More's the pity that I could not save that usurping, traitorous bitch.
-->-- '''Lara Raith''' in one of her blunter moments, ''Literature/WhiteNight''

->My eyes settled on their dining room table. There was a stack of money, wrapped with a paper band just as the money in the lunchbox had been. Beside the money, plain as day, was the dark gray metal of a handgun.\\
My attention caught by the gun, I only barely caught my dad's question. "What are they like?"\\
"They seem like good people."
-->-- ''Literature/{{Worm}}''

->[[MercyKill "She's my friend."]]\\
[[FalseFriend "Was,"]] [[FriendlessBackground I said.]] "It's a big difference."\\
Sundancer looked at the mound of ice, rock and forcefields. Echidna was thrusting her clawed hands through the barriers, only for them to be reinforced.\\
[[HorrorHunger "Are there... does she have anyone inside her?"]]\\
"There's-" Tattletale started. I flew a bug into her mouth and down her throat, and she choked.\\
"No," I lied. "I've been keeping track with my bugs. Weld and the others got everyone out."\\
''Saved everyone they could.'' If Weld had backed out and nobody else was able to free the small handful that were still trapped, that was it.\\
[[TheNeedsOfTheMany Nobody was correcting me.]] They knew, but they weren’t correcting me.
-->-- ''Literature/{{Worm}}''

->'''Wedge''': We'll need [[NoodleImplements a wheeled transport, one of the flatcam units our pursuers are carrying, and four sets of women's clothing]].\\
'''Hobbie''': Boss, please tell me you're not putting us in women's clothing.\\
'''Wedge''': Very well. I'm not putting us in women's clothing.\\
(''In the next chapter, [[GilliganCut the four pilots are in women's clothing]]'')\\
'''Hobbie''': You lied to me.\\
'''Wedge''': I did. [[AssInAmbassador With my brilliant achievements in the diplomatic profession]] has come [[CaptainObvious the realization that lies can be powerful motivators.]]\\
'''Hobbie''': My faith is shattered.\\
'''Wedge''': You knew, when I said we needed four sets of women's clothing, that we were going to end up in them. You ''knew''. So any hopes you had to the contrary were just self-delusion.\\
'''Hobbie''': I understand that. But I'd rather blame you than me.
-->-- ''[[Literature/XWingSeries X-Wing: Starfighters of Adumar]]''


[[folder:Live-Action TV]]

->Sometimes the truth hurts. In these situations, I recommend lying.
-->-- ''Series/BurnNotice''

->I'll just go in this police box and arrest myself.
-->-- '''The Doctor''', whose spaceship resembles a police box, ''Series/DoctorWho''

->'''The Doctor''': I don't suppose you've completely ignored my instructions and secretly prepared any Nitro-9, have you?\\
'''Ace''': What if I had?\\
'''The Doctor''': Naturally, you wouldn't do anything so insanely dangerous as to carry it around with you, would you?\\
'''Ace''': Of course not. I'm a good girl, I do what I'm told.\\
'''The Doctor''': Excellent. Blow up that vehicle.\\
'''Ace''': (''delighted grin'')
-->-- ''Series/DoctorWho'', "Silver Nemesis"

->'''Dougal:''' Why didn't you lie to him?\\
'''Ted:''' I did! I told him great big massive lies with feckin' bells hanging off them!
-->-- ''Series/FatherTed'', "Entertaining Father Stone"

->The truth.
-->-- '''Patrick Kielty''', answering "Unlikely Things to Hear in a TV Election Debate", ''Series/MockTheWeek''

->I just want us to be friends.
-->-- '''Randall Flynn''', a man who says this twice to people who came to wish they never made a deal with him, and his definition of "friend" is quite twisted, ''Series/{{Revolution}}'', "[[Recap/RevolutionS1E7TheChildrensCrusade The Children's Crusade]]"

->'''Joe:''' She ''murdered'' him?
->'''Matt:''' A mercy-killing, she'd call it.
->'''Joe:''' So when did you find out about this? I mean, when did you know that this had happened?
->'''Matt:''' [[UnreliableNarrator Uh... I saw it on a newscast, I think.]]
->''([[GilliganCut Cut to]] Matt and the rest of the group staring in horror at the livestream of Jennifer forcing poison into Harry's mouth)''
->'''Matt:''' Wipe and destroy everything. Okay? ''Everything!'' Now, go!



->'''Genesis P-Orridge:''' Uh, we're Music/ThrobbingGristle, and we'd just like to make a small announcement: all the sounds you hear tonight are generated live as we're playing, there are no prepared backing tapes and no Revoxes.\\
(''tape plays'')\\
'''Tape:''' Uh, we're Throbbing Gristle, and we'd just like to make a small announcement: all the sounds you hear tonight are generated live as we're playing, there are no prepared backing tapes and no Revoxes.
-->-- From a 1980 show at Sheffield University


[[folder:Newspaper Comics]]

->Please excuse Calvin from class today. His genius is urgently required on a top secret matter of national security.\\
Sincerely, The President.\\
P.S. Really.
-->-- A letter given to [[SternTeacher Mrs. Wormwood]], ''ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes''

->'''Dilbert''': Why have you ignored my request, Ted?\\
'''Ted''': I was killed by a squadron of giant military squirrels.\\
'''Wally''': He doesn't respect you enough to tell a plausible lie.\\
'''Dilbert''': I demand a ''plausible'' lie!\\
'''Ted''': Okay, maybe I ''wasn't'' killed by giant military squirrels. But I ''was'' imprisoned in their secret lair at the center of the earth.\\
'''Wally''': You can't prove that one either way.\\
'''Dilbert''': He did say it was a "secret" lair.
-->-- ''ComicStrip/{{Dilbert}}''


[[folder:Stand-Up Comedy]]

->'''Cop''': What's going on, sir? You seem to be injured.\\
'''Uncle Donnie''': Oh, this! I got to tell you, some fucking psycho just cut my fucking hand off and made limb stew out of those three mutilated fuckers floating around the boat, here. He's swimming that way if you want to fucking catch the bastard.\\
'''Cop''': Sir, have you been drinking?\\
'''Uncle Donnie''': I had a few chardonnays, what else?\\
'''Cop''': You're going to have to come with us.\\
'''Uncle Donnie''': Alright, Sherlock Holmes, I killed them. But, you'll never catch me 'cuz I'm the [[AddedAlliterativeAppeal fastest fucking]] butterfly swimmer in the fucking world!
-->-- '''Creator/AdamSandler''', "The Psychotic Legend of Uncle Donnie"


[[folder:Video Games]]

->Zozo? Never heard of it.
-->-- A thief standing by the entrance of [[WretchedHive Zozo]], ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVI''

->'''Maurice Chavez''': [[NoCelebritiesWereHarmed Mr. Shrub]], you got elected on a campaign promising to reduce taxes to zero. But under your stewardship, we've seen taxes go up by 20% and services decline!\\
'''Alex Shrub''': No one is interested in your ''[[LiesDamnedLiesandStatistics statistics]]'', Chavez. Let me tell you something pal, I'm better than that. I will not -- I shall not -- I ''cannot'' stoop to your level! They assured me that this was a show that understood politics, where we can debate mano-a-mano. And I find myself having ''statistics'' hurled at me like so much stale confetti. We cannot boil people down to numbers!
-->-- ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoViceCity'', ''Pressing Issues''

->Hello i am in braille
-->-- A book translated from Morse Code, ''[[VideoGame/ASuperMarioThing A Super Mario Bros X Thing]]''

->'''Jade''': Well now... I'll just ask him a little about Mt. Roneal... Please wait outside, everyone.\\
(''[[RelaxOVision everyone is outside, with Jade alone with Dist in the room]]'')\\
'''Jade''': [[{{Beat}} ...]]\\
'''Dist''': (''while the ground is shaking'') ... AAAAAAHHH!! S-stop! Stop! You're killing me!! Jade, I'm sorryyyyyy!!!\\
'''Jade''': (''comes out alone, completely deadpan'') It seems the earthquakes have led to more frequent avalanches. Also, an extremely powerful monster has taken up residence in the deeper parts. The monsters in the area have likely grown aggressive due to at influence.\\
'''Luke''': O-okay... Um, about that scream just now...\\
'''Jade''': Oh, that was nothing. Now let's be going.\\
'''Luke''': Right...
-->-- ''VideoGame/TalesOfTheAbyss''

->There's a limit, even to obvious lies.
-->--'''Reimu Hakurei''', ''VideoGame/{{Touhou}}''

->'''[[TheJudge Eiki Shiki, Yamaxanadu]]:''' Let's talk about you, instead. Yes, you are a little too comfortable with lying.\\
'''Marisa Kirisame:''' That isn't true. I haven't told a single lie since I was born.
-->-- ''VideoGame/{{Touhou}} Kaeidzuka ~ Phantasmagoria of Flower View''

->Suddenly, I noticed that Picky was gone. I blame the cops... it certainly wasn't my fault at all.
-->--'''Porky Minch''', ''VideoGame/EarthBound''

->I'm not going to stick my butt out or anything, though.
-->--'''Wess''', ''VideoGame/Mother3''


-->-- '''[[PaperThinDisguise Obviously-Not-Warmech]],''' ''Webcomic/EightBitTheater', "[[ The Ol' 180]]"

->'''Maura:''' Hey, babe. Where've you been?\\
'''Clango:''' Nowhere! I briefly ceased to exist in time and space!\\
'''Maura:''' That doesn't sound suspicious at all.
-->-- ''Webcomic/DieselSweeties''

->'''Antimony''': Hello. I would like to enter, please.\\
'''Doorbot''': Robots onl... what's that on your head?\\
'''Antimony''': These are [[PaperThinDisguise my antennas,]] because I am clearly a robot.\\
'''Doorbot''': Oh! Well... it's true that some robots have antennas... hmm...\\
'''Antimony''': Also, robots never lie.\\
'''Doorbot''': Hey, you're right! Come on in, friends!\\
'''Antimony''': We are looking for a particular robot. A... ''fellow'' robot. Because we are also robots.\\
'''Doorbot''': Administration is right down that way.\\
'''Reynardine''': [[SincerityMode Your powers of deception and trickery are bewildering, child]].
-->-- ''Webcomic/GunnerkriggCourt''

->'''Soldier:''' Come on, guys? Why would I ''lie?'' We're all Americans here!\\
'''Ms. Pauling:''' Well, not ''all'' of us, obviously. I mean, Medic's German and Heavy's from Russ-\\
'''[[HerrDoktor Medic:]]''' (''[[{{Ahem}} kaf]]'')\\
'''[[HuskyRusskie Heavy:]]''' (''[[BeQuietNudge nudge nudge]]'')\\
'''Ms. Pauling:''' Ow! What? Oh.\\
'''Heavy:''' Ha ha! Germany! Russia! Is big joke! Big American joke on Soldier!\\
'''Soldier:''' Ha! You got me!\\
'''Heavy:''' Ohh, America, it is the place I am from. All the time.
-->-- ''Webcomic/TeamFortress2'', [[ "Shadow Boxers"]]

->'''[[GoodAngelBadAngel Susan's Logic]]''': Look, I've got nothing. Now deny everything to Diane.\\
'''Susan''': I was thinking about baseball.\\
'''Diane''': No you weren't.\\
'''Susan''': Congrats, Sherlock.


[[folder:Web Original]]

->'''Jon''': [[VideoGame/SuperSmashBrosBrawl FALCON]] [[VideoGame/FZero PAWNCH!]]\\
'''Evan''': [[SarcasmMode I wonder who you are.]]\\
'''Jon''': I'm, uh, Mario.\\
'''Azura''': Mario has the PAWNCH?\\
'''Jon''': Mario has a poncho. He's, uh, from Mexico.\\
'''Azura''': Sweet.\\
'''Ashley''': Or is he from Spain?\\
'''Jon''': Ethnic minority Mario! Collect them all!
-->-- ''LetsPlay/ProtonJon'' and his friends, waiting for the [[VideoGame/SuperSmashBrosBrawl next match]] to begin

-->-- ''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation'', part of the end credits in for ''VideoGame/TomodachiLife''

->'''Cloud:''' We're actually looking for a man. Black cape, silver hair, giant sword...\\
'''Cait Sith:''' Oh, you mean Sephiroth?\\
'''Cloud:''' Yeah, have you seen him?!\\
'''Cait Sith:''' No, who is that?
-->-- ''Machinima/FinalFantasyVIIMachinabridged''


[[folder:Western Animation]]

->'''Superintendent Chalmers''': (''spots Skinner's burning kitchen'') Good Lord! What is happening in there?!\\
'''Principal Skinner''': [[ImplausibleDeniability Aurora Borealis.]]\\
'''Chalmers''': A-Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day?! ''In this part of the country?! LOCALIZED ENTIRELY WITHIN YOUR KITCHEN?!''\\
'''Skinner''': [[BluntYes Yes]].\\
'''Chalmers''': (''{{beat}}'') [[SeamlessSpontaneousLie May I see it?]]
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''


[[folder:Real Life]]

->If you saw a bullet hit a bird and he told you he wasn't shot, you might weep at his courtesy, but you would certainly doubt his word.
-->-- '''Creator/EmilyDickinson'''

->Bullshit is a greater enemy of the truth than lies are.
-->-- '''Harry Frankfurt''', "On Bullshit"