->'''''"[[CatchPhrase SYMBOLISM!!!!]]"'''''
-->-- '''Film Brain'''

->''"Blimey Charlie, the video's only been up an hour and there are allusions to it on TV Tropes. My word."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', [[http://twitter.com/FB_BMB/status/29023843729 on this wiki]]

->''"The world is a worse place for having this movie. I genuinely argue that. This movie--I '''hate''' it. I '''hate''' it with a passion. It's one of the few movies that I legitimately '''despise.'''"''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/SevenPounds'' [[http://blip.tv/film-brain/commentary-seven-pounds-bmb-3994603 in his commentary]]

->''"This movie is a waste of time, money and effort. It has big special effects, big-name stars, but it can't, can I say, for stupid, incompetent scripting and piss-poor jokes. If you have the chance to avoid this movie, I suggest you do so. Even Creator/EddieMurphy [[OldShame hates the crap out of this film]]. Still, he learns something out of this, right? Or maybe not. Well, that's all we got time for this week. I'm Film Brain, a.k.a. Matthew Buck. Good night... or day... or whatever this is."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Pluto Nash''

->''"Although it isn't as bad as some of the heinous sequels it spawned, it does deserve this review for being so dull. I mean you can't just have fast cars take the plot. There has something going on behind it. It takes itself too seriously and is no fun. Poor Walker might need checking for termites judging by his acting. And the film is already heavily dated and only eight years after its release due to its migraine-inducing soundtrack. The new movie, '''Fast & Furious''', is being depicted as a return to form for the series. From terrible to just plain mediocre. Yeah, just some comeback. Now if you excuse me, I need to go rev my engine."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''The Fast & The Furious''

->''"So anyway, '''Film/{{Transmorphers}}''': the ghastly result of '''Franchise/{{Transformers}}''', '''Franchise/StarshipTroopers''', '''Film/TheMatrix''', '''Film/TheTerminator''', and '''Film/DemolitionMan''' all [[XMeetsY mixed together]] with a [[NoBudget miniscule budget]], terrible acting and god-awful direction. The special effects are absolutely [[SpecialEffectsFailure laughable]] and the script keeps contradicting itself on the fly. The robots that were [[InformedAttribute apparently invincible]] are just beaten with a simple plan that someone could've come up in their sleep. They've been fighting for hundreds of years and it took them'' this long ''to come up with this plan? As I said the budget is horrendous. Now low budget by no means equals poor quality. I mean, one of its inspirations, '''Film/TheTerminator''', was fairly low budget. Here however, they handle it in the worst possible manner. It's always blatantly obvious when they've run into budget constraints. If you can't show a scene due to a lack of budget, [[ShowDontTell don't for the love of God]] compensate for it by having the characters look at something [[OffscreenMomentOfAwesome off-screen]] and describe it. It only draws attention to itself. Just cut the scene! In fact, that would've made the poor pacing and subpar direction slightly more bearable."''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on ''Film/{{Transmorphers}}''

->''"I mean my god, this is a terrible movie. Spectacularly bad writing is everywhere! The fight scenes are short and poorly done. The performances and casting is atrocious. And for a supposedly faithful adaptation, [[AdaptationDecay they changed pretty much everything]]! Oh, and there were only seven characters from the games. What surprised me about the movie is that it takes itself so goddamn seriously. At least [[Film/StreetFighter the first attempt]] was a bit of fun. I mean, who the hell was calling out for a [[DarkerAndEdgier dark and gritty]] version of Franchise/StreetFighter? The tone is so erratically different, that if you changed the name and title, this would be a generic martial arts movie. All the characters have been stripped of everything but their most basic traits, or in Rose's case, not even that."''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on ''Film/StreetFighterTheLegendOfChunLi''

->''"So that was '''Film/MegaSharkVsGiantOctopus'''. It's got better acting, plot, and effects than '''Film/{{Transmorphers}}''', but that's not really saying much. The film still looks very cheap, the special effects have gone from PS1 to PS2 graphics, and they constantly repeat the [[StockFootage same shots]] over and over again. I swear half the movie is just shots they repeated to pad out the running time. And to be honest, it fails as a BMovie because it [[TheyWastedAPerfectlyGoodPlot fails to live up to its title]]. I'm sorry, but if you're going to name your movie '''Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus''', you damn well better live up to it. Because I'm nice, I will give Creator/TheAsylum a little gold star for attempting to improve, even if their movie is still shit.''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on ''Film/MegaSharkVsGiantOctopus''

->''"[[Film/{{Cobra}} This]] is so completely ridiculous, it's hysterical! No cliche or left-wing stereotype is left untouched; the product placement is shameless and intrusive, the violence is completlely gratuitous, and the plot is farfetched, even by [[Creator/SylvesterStallone Stallone]]'s standards. The whole thing feels cheap and sleazy, and has aged badly. So, all in all, this is Stallone's '''Film/{{Commando}}''', except it takes itself so damn seriously, that it makes it even funnier!"''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/{{Cobra}}''

->''"Finally, a movie that celebrates the cold-blooded slaughter of your enemies. You can see how this might have worked. I mean, the concept has this sense of wish fulfilment. It's hard to get past the bad taste it leaves in the mouth, and the execution here is terrible. It's badly directed and edited, and it looks and feels cheap, wasting most of the cast. The supporting cast only have one or two small scenes to set up their asshole-ness, and then get killed off in ways that aren't funny, as much as the score tells us so. The whole thing, especially the score, looks like it's escaped from the 1970s."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Parting Shots''

->''You know how I said at the end of my '''Film/MegaSharkVsGiantOctopus''' review how Creator/TheAsylum seem to be improving? Well, I take that back because this film is atrocious on every level. The CGI is awful, with the piranhas [[OffModel changing from shot to shot]]. The acting is more wooden than a rainforest and the script, when it's not being incredibly stupid and filled with plot holes, is just an [[RecycledScript unimaginative clone]] of '''Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus'''. Even as a cheesy BMovie, it's so damn awful it borders on downright unwatchable.''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Mega Piranha''

->''"'''Film/FatSlags''' is probably a new low for films featured on this show. I don't think a single person escapes from this Hindenburg disaster of a film with a shred of dignity. At 72 minutes, it barely constitutes as a film, and despite the short length, with bits of it clearly hacked out, it's still tortuous to the point of being virtually unwatchable. It's trying to satire celebrity culture, but it's filled with tacky cameos. Its editing is abysmal and it looks outrageously cheap. It's so vulgar and unremittingly crude, that it wouldn't even appeal to the LowestCommonDenominator. This film is an absolute disgrace and those who made it should be bloody ashamed of themselves, just as I am for having watched it. This is hell on plastic. Avoid at all costs."''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on ''Film/FatSlags''

->''"Plot? What plot? It's more like a sieve. It has holes you can drive Optimus Prime through and it buckles under the huge cast of characters the film contains. And that's only the human characters; the Transformers feel more like [[HumanFocusedAdaptation co-stars in their own movie]], disappearing into the background for long stretches. The movie has endless [[{{Padding}} padding]] scenes and a ludicrous amount of comic relief characters, which means that the tone is [[MoodWhiplash all over the place]]. And considering this is meant to be a film for kids both young and old, [[Creator/MichaelBay Bay]] fills the movie with completely [[WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids inappropriate material]] that should have been cut from this bloated monstrosity. Not even the action scenes are good. They're too close, too incomprehensible, and too long; meaning that we soon lose interest, if we had any, because we don't know who half the bloody robots are. And before you chastise me for changing my opinion on the movie, so did the filmmakers. Both Bay and [[Creator/ShiaLaBeouf LaBeouf]] have been quoted as saying that the film was [[CreatorBacklash a disappointment]] and that it's not as good as it should have been. I don't have high hopes for the [[Film/TransformersDarkOfTheMoon third movie]] and if you see it in 3D, I hope you enjoy the inevitable motion-sickness from Bay's hyper-kinetic directing style. I'm Matthew Buck, beating down bad... (Film Brain looks at his '''Film/{{Transformers}}''' poster) I think I'd better take that down."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/TransformersRevengeOfTheFallen''

->''"Whilst the first two '''Film/SpyKids''' movies succeed in targeting their kid demographic whilst not alienating adult audiences by being colourful, imaginative, and ultimately aware of their audience, '''Spy Kids 3D''' fails in all areas which the originals succeed. It's all too aware of its target audience and feels the need to patronise them, and it's blatantly obvious that the story wasn't as nearly thought-out as it should've been, only resulting in confusion. Huge segments just feel like video-games with the controls disabled, the characters are flat and unlikeable, and the effects are dreadful throughout, with its 3D being some of the most gimmicky on the market. The end result is a shallow thrill-less movie that I doubt even kids would enjoy."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Spy Kids 3D: Game Over''

->''"I'm going to put this briefly, because I've said everything I wanted to say already. [[Film/GoodLuckChuck This]] is a hateful sexist movie that operates in a complete moral vacuum that is painfully unfunny, largely due to the smug overracted performance of Creator/DaneCook, who fails to be likeable. The sex is a coarse and uncomfortable fit with the mean-spirited slapstick comedy, and the script is astonishingly dumb. Dan Fogler delivers the worst comic performance I've ever seen. I '''hated''' this offensively terrible movie! The fact that this got made in 2007 is frankly astonishing."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/GoodLuckChuck''

->''"Not that dignity is a thing that anyone escapes with in [[Film/WhenInRome this movie]]. The movie's basically written like a cartoon, with these broad one-note characters who do stupid things repeatedly '''over and over again''', when it often doesn't make any sense in context. [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency This cast of talented comedians are both completely wasted and incredibly irritating]], and the film's idea of love and romance is startlingly naive, even by Hollywood's standards. The film shows clear signs that someone hacked it to pieces, trying to salvage it, but there is nothing to rescue but dusty old romcom cliches and dismal slapstick. Not even the charms of Creator/KristenBell could save it for me..."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/WhenInRome''

->''"So that was '''Bear'''. It was completely un''bear''able. The characters are all completely unlikable sacks of shit who lie, cheat, and betray each other. The bear ends up being the most likable character. The characters constantly make stupid, implausible decisions because the script is dumb and repetitive; having to repeatedly engineer ways for why the characters haven't escaped the scenario. This culminates in a twist that is [[ShockingSwerve preposterous and nonsensical]], and I can't believe this extremely pretentious horror flick expects us to swallow such nonsense. On a technical level this movie completely falls apart, particularly because of their budget. It's almost like a crash-course on how not to make a film, and should be avoided because it's a total waste of time."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Bear''

->''"'''Film/TheHappening''' is a bizarre film. It seems to have been made by an alien, because everything is so... off. The script is full of things that people would never say or do, acted unconvincingly by [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency mis-cast actors]] [[{{Narm}} delivering their worst performances ever]]. Creator/MarkWahlberg, with his soft voice, is completely humilated, and Creator/ZooeyDeschanel makes googly eyes throughout the whole film that make her look braindead. The science of the film is shoddy, but that's not surprising considering the green message of the film, which is laid on with no subtly or respect for the audience. '''"Man and Science is weak, and we should all respect the power of Nature and Love!"''' Its saving grace is being so incredibly unintentionally funny, because it's a ridiculous film approached with a po-faced seriousness, and lack of humour that is so gloriously pretentious. The film tries to make a comment on paranoia, but it just ends up becoming a farce."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/TheHappening''

->''"'''Little Fockers''' is a comedic catastrophe. The original '''Film/MeetTheParents''' was an exaggerated and funny satire of an awkward situation we're all familiar with. But whatever comic mileage from the setup has been used long ago, and in desperation, the film resorts to [[ToiletHumor bodily function humor]] instead of genuine laughs. The characters by this stage are caricatures, and the filmmakers feel like [[LoadsAndLoadsOfCharacters they need to jam everyone in]], resulting in most of them getting nothing to do, and total plot dead-ends. It feels re-written and re-edited, and [[MoneyDearBoy the cast seem to be thinking of their next mortgage payment to get themselves through it]]. This is most nakedly exhibited by Creator/DustinHoffman, whose late addition is frankly awful! Oh, and [[TheyWastedAPerfectlyGoodPlot the one new element that could've saved the film is completely ignored]] of going through the motions '''yet again'''! It's nothing but a great big Christmas time turkey of a movie that leaves you with nothing but an empty wallet and no laughs."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Little Fockers''

->''"'''[[Film/TheToothFairy Tooth Fairy]]''' is about as cheerful as a trip to the dentist, but at least the gas might make you laugh more than the film does. I'm probably going to have a dozen complaints from people saying I was too hard on it because it's a kid's film, and generally, I avoid doing them so I don't get criticised for that. But even still, it shouldn't be an excuse for laziness. They could've took their silly idea in interesting and playful directions, but they made it as mundane and boring as possible! The film's single joke dries up fast, and it ends up relying on their incredible cast to liven up non-existant material, and it ends up drowning in sub-plots. There's just no feeling of magic. They've made the fairy world into an accounting department that will bore kids. It looks heavily re-edited, but the most egregious thing is the blatant abuse of amnesia as a cheap "get out free" clause that shows massive disain for the audience. Again, this took '''five writers to come up with'''?! Oh, and seldom a date passes where someone on Twitter doesn't ask me whether I've heard of the InNameOnly sequel '''Tooth Fairy 2''' starring Creator/LarryTheCableGuy. Well, yes I have, and quite frankly, it makes me wake up in cold sweats just thinking about it. In short, this movie bites. [[DontExplainTheJoke Get it? 'Cause you bite down with your teeth and]]... Sorry."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/TheToothFairy''

->''"If Creator/AdamSandler had his way, every copy of '''Film/GoingOverboard''' would be lying at the bottom of the ocean, and you know what? I'd be right alongside him chucking them in! It's pretty easy to peg this movie very early on in terms of how it got made and how it went wrong. It's pretty clear that he didn't have any real plan aside from a ship, some swimsuit-clad women, and [[IdiotPlot a plot that could fit on a postage stamp]]. As a result, this movie is [[ThrowItIn clearly and painfully improvised]], with actors desperately pulling funny faces to try and earn laughs and [[{{Padding}} pad out the running time]], and no-one telling them that [[DudeNotFunny their ideas are terrible]]. [[TheScrappy Everyone is super annoying as a result]], and Adam Sandler comes off particularly badly. [[DesignatedHero He's supposed to be the underdog]], but the impression is that of someone delusional about their abilities. There is nothing more brutal than unfunny comedy, and there is no redeeming value in any of it. '''Not a single thing'''! '''Going Overboard''' is well deserving of its place on IMDB's Bottom 100, and if you know what's good for you, '''never ever watch it''', not even if you're a die-hard Adam Sandler fan!"''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/GoingOverboard''

->''"'''Film/TheDilemma''' is horribly misconceived from the premise up. The fact of the matter is infidelity is a very, very [[DudeNotFunny hard subject to make funny]] and that's clear from the way the film gasps like a fish; struggling to raise even a smirk, let alone a laugh, inventing a whole manner of contrived set pieces that are completely ridiculous and implausible. [[Creator/RonHoward Ron Howard's]] inexperience at directing comedy really shows and it isn't helped by the fact that Creator/VinceVaughn is left completely unchecked to take over the film with his self-indulgent monologuing, including that dreadful toast scene. The other cast members are wasted; including Kevin James in a part that seldom requires him to be funny, and Channing Tatum is the best thing in it, but is only in a handful of scenes."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/TheDilemma''.

->''"You know, Wesley Snipes is actually right about a lot of [[Film/BladeTrinity this movie]]. David S. Goyer's script for the film is an absolute mess! A bunch of plot points thrown together and often forgotten about for long periods of time with frat boy humour only making things worse. The inclusion of the Nightstalkers, obviously intended to launch a spin-off, hinders the film due to their lack of credibilty, especially Creator/RyanReynolds, [[TheScrappy who I found insufferable]]. Goyer's direction is ropey, and the over-long running time isn't helped by [[{{Padding}} loads of minor scenes that they really just should've cut]]. The inclusion of {{Dracula}} is a disappointment, partly due to the bad writing, and partly due to the fact that Dominic Purcell is a completely charmisa-less block of muscle. Even the action is weak, and it's positively mememic compared to the [[Film/{{Blade}} other]] [[Film/BladeII two]] films. But Snipes himself deserves blame too; his central perfomance brims with obvious disdain for the film, and whilst it wouldn't have been good even on his A-game, he ends up making the film implode around him. Clearly aimed at a younger mainstream audience, '''Blade: Trinity''' is a failure of a climax for fans of two otherwise decent films in this [[Film/BladeTrilogy series]]."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/BladeTrinity''.

->''"No. No, you didn't. You did not just end your movie '''[[NoEnding MID]]-[[GratuitousRape RAPE SCENE]]'''! How dare you! And I know, that was what the earlier sex scene in the cave was leading towards, and the film thinks its clever by ending on a rape scene. Well no, it isn't clever! You didn't think about the weight of including a rape scene. You just used it as a cheap shock tactic, and that's deplorable. The movie itself beforehand was [[Darthwiki/SoBadItsHorrible so bad]], but this just leaves [[UpToEleven a truly rotten taste in the mouth]], and I can say, without hesitation, that this movie can go '''[[PrecisionFStrike FUCK ITSELF]]'''!"''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on the ending of ''Film/TheCavern''.

->''"'''The Cavern''' not only surpasses '''Bear''' as the worst horror film I've ever seen, but may well be the worst film period. I reviewed racist, sexist, unfunny, and downright unpleasant films before, but this is a special kind of film: '''[[UpToEleven It's unwatchable]]'''. I don't care if it's low-budget, that doesn't mean [[TheyJustDidntCare you forget basic principles of lighting or cinematography]]. I know the film's creators though they were being iterative, but that's because [[WhatAnIdiot no one was dumb enough]] [[DarthWiki/WallBanger to do it before]]. The film [[SpecialEffectsFailure has an ugly, over-produced digital look]], the script is [[IdiotPlot woefully incomprehensible nonsense]], and the ending is [[GratuitousRape reprehensible]]. Even at 80 minutes, this is sheer torture that makes your home movies look professional by comparison. Every single copy of '''The Cavern''' should be thrown in the deepest, darkest pit imaginable, so that it never blights a TV screen ever again! I hope you have a happy and safe Halloween."''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on ''Film/TheCavern''.

->''"'''Film/DieAnotherDay''' was actually the first [[Film/JamesBond Bond]] movie I saw in the cinema, having grown up with the [[Creator/PierceBrosnan Brosnan]] films on video, and I liked it at the time, but that's because it was my 12th birthday, and that's the biggest problem with the movie; it tries to prove it's young and hip, and ends up being so juvenile, it would only appeal to adolescents. The action scenes are atrocious CGI-fests, the dialogue is idiotic with innuendo's that are crass and and charmless, and Brosnan is just on the edge of being too old for this. The film's meant to be a celebration of 007, but it brings out all the worst elements of the series, descending into laughable self-parody. How else do you explain the DNA alteration plot? It's basically the birthday boy getting drunk and falling face-first into the cake; it's just shameful! This year marks Bond's 50th anniversary, and I can safely say that '''Film/{{Skyfall}}''' is a celebration of everything that is good about the series; '''Die Another Day''' is the '''[[Film/BatmanAndRobin Batman & Robin]]''' of the franchise!"''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on ''Film/DieAnotherDay''

->''"'''Film/{{Stealth}}''' certainly feels like it's a classic case of too many cooks in the kitchen, because this has been clearly homogenised to death. There are points where the original absurdities of the premise shine through, and these just clash with the attempts to actually try and make serious points about war, which feel like they're straight out of a different movie. This results in an utterly hilarious film that plays a very silly sci-fi premise straight. And yet, with all the rewrites, this script still has some of the worst dialogue I've ever heard. The performances are weak, largely related to the most stereotypical cliched characterisations imaginable, which are just filling time between the endless fake CGI action scenes. Jamie Foxx, in particular, seems to play his useless part with the disdain that it deserves; and worst of all, it's surprisingly boring, because the predictable recycled storyline means that you quickly lose interest. '''Stealth''' is an embarrassing example of big-budget blockbusters at their most audience-insulting, but it's a great movie to rip apart if you're a bad movie fan."''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on ''Film/{{Stealth}}''

->''"So that was '''Film/{{Prometheus}}''' in all its gory glory. I cannot deny that on a sheer technical level, Creator/RidleyScott is an absolute master of his craft. The film looks [[SceneryPorn gorgeous]] and it's clear that it has plenty of ambition, which puts it above your average bad movie. However [[TheyWastedAPerfectlyGoodPlot wasting that much promise]] and that much talent, both in front and behind the camera, on such a poorly written mess is absolutely criminal. The script is littered with improbable scenarios acted out by outrageously inconsistent characters spouting leaden dialogue and great actors can only do so much. For all the talk about intelligent sci-fi, the film feels like every other modern blockbuster. It touches on complex ideas, but is distracted by constant special effects and the result is vapid. This is made worse by the '''Film/{{Alien}}''' DNA; which is basically that movie on shuffle-mode, copying scenes and cranking up the pace without the tone or the subtlety. '''Prometheus''' may not be the worst movie in this franchise, but it is by far the most painfully disappointing. While the follow-ups to the franchise that this is clearly setting up may answer some of the ambiguities, it won't answer the lazy writing throughout and it doesn't stand on its own feet apart from '''Alien'''. But if you like '''Prometheus''' then all the power to you, it's just that I can't as much as I want to."''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on ''Film/{{Prometheus}}''.

->''"Although '''Film/ILoveYouBethCooper''' is actually fairly close to its source material, thanks largely through sharing the same writer, it still manages to be lost in adaptation. The book's content, which would've made for an R-rated movie, has been toned down for the PG-13, so the vestiges of the original darker content come across as harsher in the sea of mediocrity. If they were attempting to satirise or make a comment on teen flicks, then they failed, because the final film shows little evidence of this, and it's just another entry tredding on familiar ground. Hell, even '''Film/TheGirlNextDoor''' is a better take at this kind of material! The running gay joke not only wears thin, but comes close to being worryingly homophobic, especially given the character's alternate name is "Dick Munsch", and his habit of quoting movies is another staggeringly unfunny runner that only reminds you of better films! Director Creator/ChrisColumbus has to lay a lot of the blame here, as he does a poor job, because scenes feel slack, forced, and tone-deaf, laying on subtlety-free slapstick to compensate. This reflects in many of the lame stereotypes throughout, especially Paul Rust's '''way''' overplaying nerd, who is one of the most irritating lead performances I've seen in ages, who actually looks older than the eight-year age difference suggests, making things even more unsettling! In short, I don't like you, Beth Cooper, let's not be friends, and I'm not accepting a Website/{{Facebook}} invite either."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/ILoveYouBethCooper''

->"'''Film/{{Gamer}}''' deserves to be switched off. It is a [[CrapsackWorld nasty]], [[KillEmAll mean-spirited movie]] posing as satire. It condemns it's target audience "gamers" for their bloodlust, then wallow in the imagery themselves with lots of shock shots for no reason in the narrative. The characters are shallow idiots with poorly written spiteful dialogue played by great character actors with nothing to do. The worst part of the movie is the action scenes which are frankly incomprehensible shite combining all the worst aspects of modern action movies. Shaky cam, poor editing and the lack of any sort of goal. Oh and the ending is a complete insult. Just because they were trying to make a social statement, doesn't excuse them for bad film making."''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on ''Film/{{Gamer}}''

->''"'''Breaking Wind: Part 1''' is one of the worst spoof movies ever made and definitely one of the worst comedies I've seen in general too. [[ShallowParody It has nothing to say about its topic]], which it hates to the point of being dismissive. All the jokes [[DudeNotFunny are below the belt]] and if they thought this was at all edgy or adult, then they should be downright ashamed of themselves. In addition, the terrible direction and acting oversell every single repetitive joke, to the point that it becomes almost unbearable. Craig Moss needs to stay away from doing anymore of these spoof movies, because he's frankly so abysmal that the art of comedy needs to file a restraining order. And really, if you want to laugh at '''Literature/{{Twilight}}''', go watch the first, second, and fifth films since they're pretty much unintentional comedies anyway. All watching this does is award the filmmakers [[TheyJustDidntCare lack of effort]] and encourage them further. And pray they don't make a part two. Or to put it in a way that this movie frankly deserves... (Film Brain starts BlowingARaspberry)"''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on ''Breaking Wind''

->''"'''Film/GoneFishin''' never really aspired to be much, just a light buddy comedy that's inoffensive and innocent with an easy charm. I would say harmless, but I've watched it and it's anything but. [[DudeNotFunny This is comedy at its most painfully misfiring, and it goes wrong in every conceivable way]]. Creator/DannyGlover and Creator/JoePesci are, suffice to say, not a modern day Laurel and Hardy. In fact, they don't have much chemistry at all, with Pesci doing overed O-faces, and Glover being so relaxed, he's borderline sleepwalking, and that's before he literally does so due to the terrible material. Their rasping renders the dialogue barely intelligable, but most of it is endlessly repetitive, shouting each other's names at the end of every line, or name catchphrases, and that's when they're not setting up jokes that can be seen from space! In short, this film stinks like fish and should be thrown back, where it'll probably sink like a stone!"''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/GoneFishin''

->''"Oh, well if you had it so good in Queens, why don't you fuck off back there?! It's like if you put [[WesternAnimation/SouthPark Eric Cartman]] and Phil from '''Film/TheHangover''' in a blender, and since he is personally responsible for everything that happens, I'll be keeping what I like to call the '''[[DarthWiki/DethroningMomentOfSuck Screw Costa]] Count'''. I'd say he's about two so far."''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on Costa in ''Film/ProjectX''.

->''"'''Project X''' is a detestable little film, and that's frankly if you can even call it that but it barely has enough plot to fill a 2-minute trailer, let alone a feature film. What passes for a script here probably amounts to about 10 pages tops, half of which are references to much superior films in the genre. Every single thing about the movie is ugly, from the nasty pustules passing for characters, including Costa, possibly one of the worst seen on screen in the last ten years, to the camerawork due to its badly executed found footage gimmick. But by far the most ill-judged thing is its tone. This could have made a terrific social parody if they actually showed the consequences, but the film depressingly plays it straight, and actually endorses and celebrates the increasing depravity, and even encourages emulation to top the partying bar. And to cap it all, the party just looks overcrowded and crappy. This is basically a vile film that seems to be aimed at [[{{Sociopath}} sociopaths]] and [[{{Jerkass}} pricks]], and is skin-crawling for all the wrong reasons. I mean if you want to go to a party, you don't have to live vicariously through this movie. Just to go one. I guarantee you'll have a much better time."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/ProjectX''

->''"'''Film/INowPronounceYouChuckAndLarry''' is one of the most hypocritical films I've ever seen! This is a film that pays lip service to emoting acceptance of homosexuality and tolerance, but apparently is taking the time to learn that lesson itself. It consistently goes to cheap jokes aimed at the most common denominator at the expense of the very people it puports to help, and as a result, its racial, gender, and sexual politics all feel like they're at least thirty years out of date. It's downright shocking that this was made in 2007! There's no subversion, insight, or wit given to the subject matter, and the film patronises it to compensate. It's all the usual traits in [[Creator/AdamSandler Sandler]]'s work taken to their most offensive extreme. Whilst Kevin James is a likeable lead despite the woeful material, Adam Sandler is as most obnoxiously egotistical with his ladies' man persona feeling like a self-inserted fancy build on insecurity. There's very, very brief glimpses of a smarter film trying to escape, but that's too often snuffed out by tastelessness and deeply lackluster direction, and is way, way too long at nearly two hours! I often found '''Chuck and Larry''' to be deeply unpleasant, and even felt ashamed to be watching it at points. It's '''that''' bad!"''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/INowPronounceYouChuckAndLarry''

->''"'''Strange Wilderness''' is basically a celebration of stupid, ignorant people who are too lazy to even make an effort but still feel a sense of entitlement regardless. What little characterization there is, especially the two leads, is annoying and obnoxious. [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency And that's a shame because this is an actually fantastic cast but they're all terrible here]]. Even Steve Zahn resorts to shouting and overacting when he's not coasting, and it squanders his talent. But then again, you can't turn a sow's ear into a purse. Especially when large chunks are clearly improvised with no direction whatsoever. The whole thing looks and feels cheap and ugly, but somehow scenes run too long, even when the film itself barely scrapes 80 minutes. Even if it's a stoner comedy, this is poor stuff because the good ones in this subgenre, your '''{{Harold and Kumar}}s''' and '''[[Creator/CheechAndChong Cheeches and Chongs]]''' are genuinely funny and don't require to be baked to find them so. There's always that old trap of you're enjoying each other's companies so much that it doesn't rub off of the audience, and Justin Long hits that in his sort of defense of the film '''"The first few times I saw it, I loved it. And I don't often see movies that I've done multiple times, but I kept going. [...] And then I saw it once when I wasn't stoned and I was like, woah. This is a mess! This doesn't make a shred of sense! [...] But stoned it's the funniest, and I think I have so much love for it because it's the most fun I've ever had shooting."''' So does it deserve its 0%? It's really, really bad, but it's not quite the same level of agonizingly awful as, say, '''Film/FatSlags''' or '''Film/TheMasterOfDisguise'''. That doesn't mean I recommend the treck by any means."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Strange Wilderness''

->''"'''Film/JustGoWithIt''' is just horrible in almost every way, which makes it hard to know where to start. How about another insufferable, smug, self-centered "performance" from Creator/AdamSandler, rivalled only by the infuriating Nick Swardson and those [[CreepyChild creepy pod-people children]]? How about the naked cynicism of setting your movie in Hawaii for no reason other than a [[VacationDearBoy paid holiday]], or the sheer [[IdiotPlot idiocy of the plot]], that the title itself seems like a taunt to our [[WillingSuspensionOfDisbelief suspension of disbelief]]? Oh no, let's lay it right down on the feet of director Creator/DennisDugan, whose work is especially awful here. He has no flair for the material, no connection, nothing. For a guy working in directing comedy for two decades, I don't understand how he can edit a movie this witless and overlong. This doesn't need to be just under two hours. The only thing I liked was Creator/JenniferAniston who is so [[WomenAreWiser down-to-earth]] that it's the only believable character; that she doesn't so much anchor the proceedings, but seem to be in a completely different universe entirely. This is a terrible sitcom episode stretched into feature film purgatory and I found close to utterly unbearable. Listen, I don't mind if you had fun making a movie with your friends together, but can you at least make it enjoyable for us lowly peasants who had to watch your putrid end results?''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/JustGoWithIt''

->''"Is '''Film/JackAndJill''' the [[DarthWiki/SoBadItsHorrible worst thing ever]]? No, I've seen worse. Oh, don't get me wrong, it's '''bad'''. It's downright awful, but so is '''Film/JustGoWithIt''' and if you made me choose, I would probably pick this one over the latter because it's much shorter. Even Creator/DennisDugan must have known how bad it was because it's only ninety minutes. That said, even with the short running time, this has absolutely dreadful [[PacingProblems pacing issues]], hideous comedic dead-spots, and at times, barely cohesive. Creator/AdamSandler manages to be utterly detestable in two equally terrible roles, which dominate much of the film and it's cast. For a film aimed at younger audiences, this a total failure. They might vaguely relate to [[ManChild Jill]], but I don't think they would be at all interested in the stuff between her and Creator/AlPacino; a lot of which is actually [[WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids really inappropriate]] for a family comedy. Speaking of Pacino, he is actually trying here even with the awful material, injecting a lot of [[TookTheBadFilmSeriously misplaced intensity]] into something he could have just HOO-HAH'd his way through in his sleep. But mostly this was just horribly misguided from before Sandler even remotely put on his fake boobies. I mean even in Happy Madison's work, it's debatable whether '''Jack and Jill''' is actually worse than '''Bucky Larson''', '''Film/ThatsMyBoy''' or '''[[Film/GrownUps Grown Ups 2]]'''; but I won't be finding out just yet because I've had just enough of Sandler's mug for some time now."''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on ''Film/JackAndJill''

->''"'''Film/TheDevilInside''' is one of the most cynical projects of recent years. It is absolutely devoid of any kind of creativity or originality, and its handling of both the exorcism theme and the found footage style, it's woed and only go where countless other imitators have gone before and much better, as both are laughably artificial. In fact, it's not even sure whether it's trying to be a mockumentary or a found footage movie and, as such, does both poorly. The pace is mind-numbingly slow and drawn-out, with a whole host of characters you don't care about discussing eye-rolling semantics over and over again. It gestures in about half a dozen directions, including hints of a Vatican conspiracy or dark character backstories, that has no intention of fully exploring. So what we're left with is an air of the movie not doing very much before rushing headlong into a frenzied last ten minutes and then stops. It's there where you realize the real evil here is the whole exorcising fleeting poor already exploited horror fans with less than minimal effort. '''The Devil Inside''', you foul demon! I spit and denounce at thee, and I cast you out. Be gone, Devil!"''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/TheDevilInside''

->''The '''[[Film/TotalRecall2012 Total Recall]]''' remake is a memory you'll want to forget. It's the archetypal example of something that's been remade purely because of name recognition. It does virtually nothing new and actually follows many of the same plot beats from the [[Film/TotalRecall1990 1990 film]] in order. And it's definitely not a re-adaptation, because it strays even further from the source material. It has nothing to add and in many cases has less, because it removes much of the subtext. You could argue that it makes it more ambiguous, but when you strip all the fantasy out, it barely tries to suggest an alternate reality and even less reason to care. As such, the leads have nothing to work with; apart from Creator/KateBeckinsale, whose role is expanded to the point of overbearing because Len Wiseman keeps flaunting her. And if their roles are thin, than the supporting cast are virtually non-existent, being onscreen for mere moments and then exit, never to be seen again. The only thing the movie cares about is going from one CGI action scene to the next; all of them repetitive and like a video game, with endless anonymous robot bad guys that make it feel like a sequel to '''Film/IRobot'''; which makes sense given how derivative it is of almost every major sci-fi film made in the last 30 years. Wipe your memory of this tiresome mediocrity and go watch the original, see the same ideas executed without compromise, and is a hell of lot more entertaining because of it."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/TotalRecall2012''

->''"This is one of the most uncomfortable rom-coms to come out since, well, '''Film/TheUglyTruth'''. And boy does it have ugliness to it right down to the central conceit, which has flagrant abuse of the Patriot Act as the basis of humor, in a way that is unsettlingly casual and strangely uncritical about. Creator/ReeseWitherspoon hasn't been this zealously pursued since '''Film/{{Fear}}'''. Creator/ChrisPine & Creator/TomHardy have good chemistry together, but that's little consolation with what they have to work with. Pine comes off as an abusive, arrogant sleaze that you want to punch off the screen, and Hardy is crazily miscast as the plain one yet still the best thing about the movie, but this is way beneath him even if he was only in it to do something lighter. [=McG's=] direction is aggressively awful throughout; from the sex-filled rom-com shtick mostly provided by the heinously unfunny Chelsea Handler, to the inept action sequences that feel slapped on at about 10 minutes, and bathes it all in garish, perky colors. In fact, it often feels like an R-rated movie awkwardly shoehorned into a PG-13. Til Schweiger's bad guy in non-existent. But by far the worst off is Reese Witherspoon, who is basically a prize and has to act so dumb that she can't even make a decision; and certainly never makes the right one, which is to run away from them as far away as possible, just as everyone should've done from this project and so should you. It's a movie that will unite men and women in just how much they hate it. The action part is clumsy and infrequent, but the rom-com part is enough to make you a paranoid agoraphobic.''
-->-- '''Film Brain''' on ''Film/ThisMeansWar''

->''"Watching '''Lawnmower Man 2''', your mind makes an easy parallel to another infamous sequel, '''Film/HighlanderIITheQuickening'''. The two are very similar in some respects: the baffling dystopian future, the spitting in the face of existing continuity, the endless plotholes, and mincemeat editing that seems to have crucial plot scenes missing. I think the only reason this doesn't share the same notoriety is that luckily, no-one saw it. The film so drastically changes everything, especially the ending from the [[Film/TheLawnmowerMan first movie]], that fans would feel completely alienated, and teenagers will cringe at the lame stereotypes spouting things like "Radical". The acting from them is especially atrocious, but it is in general, from Patrick Bergin's daft "Dances with Wires", to Matt Frewer dusting off '''Series/MaxHeadroom''' for a totally mis-cast toe-curling performance. As a standalone movie, it's still mind-numbing stuff, and come on, they were screwed the moment they started making a sequel to something with a closed ending! It doesn't seem like a movie made by people who even vaguely know computers. The script seems to have been written by taking random phrases out of the glossary of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Internet". Lastly, the CGI effects are a step down from the original despite the obvious technical advances, because at least the first movie was wholy digital rather than the constant shortcuts here making it look worse. Even for 1996, this movie was irrelevant. By today's standards, the technophobia of '''The Lawnmower Man''' movie seems downright quaint. Hell, if Jobe really wanted people to flock to virtual reality, he should've just taken a page out of the modern Internet's book and offered an endless supply of porn! Jacking indeed."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace''

->''"You can see the seeds of '''Film/TheLoveGuru''' in the '''Film/AustinPowers''' sequels that increasingly relied on crude humor and peens jokes, but this takes it to a whole new level. I hate to place all the blame on Creator/MikeMyers, but when he's the main creative force and is in virtually every scene, it's hard not to. He's downright insufferable in this movie, a giggling nutcase who is so desperate, it makes you wonder if Myers was ever really funny. He's so the center of attention here, that he forgets to give many of his supporting players any material of their own, [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency despite a cast of talented actors and comedians who flail around just as badly]]. [[IdiotPlot The paper-thin plot is simply all about the gags in the movie disregarding logic sense of continuity]], which is the crucial context of making them funny. Compounding this is despite Myers' hiatus, many of them are recycled old material from '''Austin Powers''', including Verne Troyer himself, while you're beaten over the head with crass sex jokes over and over, just like all the other lame pieces of humor in this movie, and it makes it seem as though Myers' sense of humor stopped developing at age 10. The worst thing is, this movie sells Myers' talent short as a comedian, and it's so dispiriting because we know he can do so much better. The only real posivite is that at least it's less than ninety minutes, no doubt thanks to some heavy trimming. UK comedian Omid Djalili gets prominent billing despite having all his lines cut in the one scene he appeared in, and given he was playing Guru Satchabigknoba, I think maybe we should all be thankful for that. All I know is that somewhere in the deepest, darkest pits of Hell, '''this''' and '''Film/TheMasterOfDisguise''' are playing as the most punishing double feature ever made, and if you don't want to take your memory of Mike Myers, stay as away from this as humanly possible!"''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/TheLoveGuru''

->''"You know what I see when I watch '''[[Film/NewYearsEve New Year's Eve]]'''? A triumph of scheduling. They managed to get a load of name actors for a couple of days to shoot some small roles as a favour, and they probably didn't cast a second glance after. Certainly that's the only real positive of the rest of the film which features eight different stories of varying degrees of silly or plain dumb, about a number of characters whose sole personality is who exactly is playing them, and the audience's history with them. In that regard, it's like we need a gossip magazine with just as much substance and authenticity. It constantly makes speeches about the power of love and New Year's, but the manufactured nature of the whole project means it rings completely false, and by the fifth time someone does an impassioned monologue, it's downright nauseating! Let's make a resolution that we can all follow - how about we try to watch less bad movies next year, and we can start with '''New Year's Eve'''!"''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/NewYearsEve''
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