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[[folder:A]]
* AbominationAccusationAttack:
** The site has [[http://notalwaysright.com/harry-potter-and-the-deathly-embarrassments/13072 one episode]] with a woman going totally overboard with this trope as she visits the movies and decides that she owns the place and has the right to deny random strangers the seats they have bought, all in the name of ThinkOfTheChildren - accusing two random young women of being potential child molesters and thus disqualified from being treated with basic human respect.
** In another instance, [[http://notalwaysright.com/blowing-things-out-and-up-of-proportion/23416 this father]] for no noticeable reason accuses a middle-schooler of stealing books from a library. After futilely trying to convince people of his wild insinuation, he then calls the cops and claims the middle-schooler ''set a bomb''. Once again, he had ''no'' proof and seemed to feel like framing her out of the blue. Good thing his daughter had a conscience and set the whole thing straight (and ended up getting the father arrested for wasting police time and money just to be a dick to a stranger).
** In [[http://notalwaysright.com/carting-her-off-to-justice/26651 this story]], a man is accused of being a kidnapper by a woman after he stops a cart with her kid inside from rolling away. She goes as far as to call the police on him, and he's nearly arrested. Luckily, just about every other customer nearby confirmed his side of the story, and the woman is arrested for abandoning and endangering a minor.
* AbusiveParents: [[http://notalwaysright.com/gives-new-meaning-to-family-tree/9119 "That's not true. My mommy and daddy tie me to trees when they get mad."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-take-the-heat-no-daughter-of-mine/15524 Not caring when your daughter's hands are being burned]] would count, too.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/annoying-pneumonia/14170 This mother]] ignored her son's shortness of breath and chest pains for 5 days because she thought he was "just looking for attention".
*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-parenting-just-hit-the-motherlode/37206 This mother]] too ignored a store paging her to go to her daughter out in the parking lot for half an hour, because she assumed a ''massive nosebleed'' was likewise just an attempt to get attention. Worse, the child apparently has nosebleeds frequently and the mother has been likewise ignoring them. Fortunately the story ends with the man who originally noticed the child threatening to call Child Protection Services.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/went-on-a-jurassic-lark/34361 And we have this mother]] who was called by a museum and immediately blasts them for not reminding her to take her coat that she left behind. The only reason the museum was calling in the first place was because she also forgot her young son there. The worse part, this was after ''at least three hours'' and a trip across South Dakota.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/suddenly-parenting-goes-out-the-window/36144 This mother]], after accidentally locking her one-month-old child and her keys inside her car, actually tries to prevent a police officer from rescuing said child, because the only way to get in involves smashing a window.
* AccentuateTheNegative: Reading the site, it could be easy to forget the 90% of customers who don't cause any kind of trouble exist at all.
** The staff actually put a disclaimer on their [[http://notalwaysright.com/8-reasons-why-dealing-with-customers-is-worse-than-a-zombie-apocalypse/16427 zombie comic]], acknowledging that a majority of customers are polite and kind.
* AcceptableProfessionalTargets:[[invoked]] Some of the people have the mindset that retail workers are somehow beneath them, and that gives them the right to be blatantly rude, or worse yet, attack the workers.
* AccidentallyAccurate: [[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/also-need-some-irony-supplements/31363 This customer]] forgets what he's looking for. An employee jokingly asks if he's looking for memory aids, which turns out to be correct.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/stripped-of-all-pretensions/33460 A customer]] pays for a $70 purchase with 70 single-dollar bills; the cashier jokingly asks if the customer is a stripper, and is surprised by the "yes" answer.
* AccidentalInnuendo: Many times.[[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/honey-you-dont-know-the-half-of-it/625 I'm not a bottom man!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/unintended-entendres/5063 I don't think I have ever seen such a nice rack!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/5928 Oh! I didn't recognize you with clothes on!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-what-she-said/1780 I'll just hold it open as wide as I can and you shove it in there.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-sizes-are-xxx/7842 Just thinking about S and M.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-touching-gift/9055 I touch my granddaughter.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/gravity-the-universal-mood-killer/16587 I can’t even get it up anymore!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/gravity-the-universal-mood-killer-part-3/17939 I can't get it to stay up!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/oh-dear-god-its-growing-bigger/23511 ...and what size is your]] [[Franchise/EvilDead boomstick, sir?]]
* AcronymConfusion: [[http://notalwaysright.com/failed-the-geek-test/36143 This customer]] is looking for the HOBET--the Health Occupational Basics Entrance Test. Unfortunately, the customer isn't specific enough, and as a result [[WhosOnFirst the bookstore workers think]] the customer is looking for ''Literature/TheHobbit'', which [[PopculturalOsmosisFailure the customer doesn't seem to have heard of]].
* ActionGirl: [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-well-defend/21969 multiple]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t/22119 examples]].
* ActionMom: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hell-hath-no-fury-like-a-mother-scorned/23092 You will not insult this mommy.]]
* ActuallyPrettyFunny:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-came-i-complained-i-became-an-employee/1884 "Oh... that was good."]]
** Occasionally, a prank on a telemarketer will get the telemarketer laughing. Such as when [[http://notalwaysright.com/sends-you-a-kiss-by-wire/36508 this customer]] goes all [[WesternAnimation/OneFroggyEvening Michigan J. Frog]] on the telemarketer.
* AdaptationDisplacement: [[invoked]]Perhaps the second customer said it best: [[http://notalwaysright.com/re-vamping-dracula/4077 "I hate Hollywood."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/ordering-pizza-talking-baloney/6793 Now with pizza]].
* AddedAlliterativeAppeal: [[http://notalwaysright.com/ruh-roh-retroactive-rewards-rage/2754 Ruh Roh, Retroactive Rewards Rage]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/posted-picky-procrastinator-prefers-plethora-of-paraphrenalia/890 Posted: Picky Procrastinator Prefers Plethora of Paraphernalia]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-pickles-before-people-will-put-you-in-a-pickle/25942 Putting Pickles Before People will Put You In A Pickle]]
* AggressiveCategorism:
** One of the annoying customers doesn't like the music. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-strange-kind-of-woman-needs-to-hush/20308 She puts the blame]] for this on teenagers and their modern tasteless music... in spite of the music ''and'' the people playing it being older than her!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/count-on-a-teenager/31532 This grocery store customer]] assumes that teenagers can't do math without calculators. The best part is that the teenager she asked to do some calculations got the answer right, both with and without a calculator.
* AGodAmI: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/buuuurn/883 I'm the Messiah!]]" "[[DeadpanSnarker Wow. The Jews are in for a big disappointment.]]"
* AirGuitar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/invisible-incentive/1726 This customer]] is disappointed their CD doesn't actually come with one like the ad said.
* AllAsiansKnowMartialArts: Exploited by a Chinese kid and a Chinese vendor [[http://notalwaysright.com/crouching-tiger-hidden-powers/26459 here]]. Not only that, it's SupernaturalMartialArts.
* AllAnimalsAreDomesticated: [[http://notalwaysright.com/unbearably-bad-ideas/1875 "Can we send our kids to play with the bears?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tricky-customers-are-just-killer/3872 So when do you feed them?]]
* AllBalloonsHaveHelium: [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-a-miracle-shes-still-on-the-ground/1847 "Look, it says on the packet, 'Helium Balloons'."]]
* AllMenArePerverts: [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-do-not-creep-out-the-employees/2089 As seen here]].
** ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/999 Especially]]'' [[StraightGay the gay ones.]] Wait, ''[[FridgeLogic what?]]''
*** That story actually contains a good amount of FridgeBrilliance. The woman tried using IHaveBoobsYouMustObey and failed ''[[EpicFail hard]]'' due to the guy being gay. So, what she does is shout out [[RefugeInAudacity ridiculous and contradictory insults]] in the hope that he'll be speechless long enough for her to run away from that rather embarrassing situation.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/18-and-blunder/2534 You'd think he'd have caught on sooner.]]
*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-learn-copy-right-and-wrong/27909 Same here.]]
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/hopefully-they-didnt-fly-because-someones-walking-home/859 He ordered porn. We’re at a romantic getaway and he orders porn!]]"
* AllWomenAreLustful: [[http://notalwaysright.com/sadly-this-amounts-to-a-sex-life/2312 Who actually cares about the sexual content of a zombie film?]]
* AlphaBitch: Probably [[http://notalwaysright.com/snobbery-just-wont-cut-it/11953 this woman.]] Being beautiful does not allow you to ignore punctuality.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-we-cant-have-nice-things/1533 This lady here too,]] who feels than being rich gives you the right to steal coffee. And tea. And roses.
** In fact, almost any example where a customer calls an employee (or another customer) ugly can count.
* AlternateCharacterInterpretation: In-universe, the customer in [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-half-baked-notion/32894 this story]]. Idiotic KnightTemplar, or clever con man?
-->''"The customer saunters off down the street, merry as you like. Once were sure he’s gone, my sister walks round the corner back home. It’s only then we realize that in all the drama, the customer never actually paid for the bread and cakes he had bought. We all now wonder if he just forgot like we did, or if we were a victim of the most impressive scam to steal bread and cake in history!"''
* AluminumChristmasTrees: [[http://notalwaysright.com/rufus-is-stranger-than-fiction/12985 I thought]] hairless rats were only on ''WesternAnimation/KimPossible''!
* AlwaysChaoticEvil: [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-pho-so-crazy/8857 The man in this story]] seems to think that the whole point of UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar was to eradicate the Vietnamese people, and that Americans are conditioned and/or legally required to kill any survivors on sight.
** Then there's [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-room-has-been-talibanned/33537 people like this]], who think "follower of Islam" and "Taliban extremist" are always one and the same.
* AmazinglyEmbarrassingParents: [[http://notalwaysright.com/ah-mothers-part-2/1867 Lots]] of [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-terrors-of-terminology/15095 them]], although [[http://notalwaysright.com/ah-mothers/1234 sometimes they're just helping the kid along]].
** Luckily for us, [[http://notalwaysright.com/cutty-out-the-attitude/3245 some]] of them can [[http://notalwaysright.com/pointing-out-the-obvious/13341 see the obvious]] and have matters [[http://notalwaysright.com/whos-teaching-who-manners/13363 in hand]]. As opposed to, say, [[http://notalwaysright.com/can-i-have-some-nuts-with-that/8029 in a tree]]. But [[http://notalwaysright.com/try-not-to-read-too-much-into-it/6423 don't bet on this]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/itll-go-away-if-youre-belieber/15032 They'll save you, little fangirl!]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-dirty-mouths-and-dirtier-assumptions/14891 From the gum, too]].
* AmbiguousGender: In several stories, the gender of the customer/employee/whatever isn't stated until halfway through. Sometimes, it isn't stated at all.
* AmbulanceChaser:
** Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-turns-out-you-can-be-too-safe/2001 here]], with a man calling his lawyer ''before'' calling an ambulance.
** There's no lawyer involved, but this seems to be the attitude of [[http://notalwaysright.com/un-sue-table-parenting/26776 this mom]].
* AndADietCoke: [[http://notalwaysright.com/weight-watchers-rejects-2/939 I don't want a cherry though, they're fattening.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-seeing-the-forest-for-the-greasy-trees/5069 Lemme have a Diet Coke. A small one. I'm trying to watch my weight.]]
** Variant: [[http://notalwaysright.com/deeply-fried-and-deeply-mistaken/34671 "You see, my grandkids love it when I make deep-fried Oreos, and I wanted to get the sugar-free kind because they’re healthier to deep-fry than the regular kind."]]
** Another variant, where [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-lie-to-yourself-diet/38328 this customer]] orders a veggie pizza because she's on a diet... but then asks them to hold all the actual vegetarian ingredients and add various meats.
* AndNinetyNineCents: [[http://notalwaysright.com/beware-the-nines-of-merch/2239 Discussed.]] The nines are SeriousBusiness.
* {{Angrish}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/and-here-we-see-the-customer-in-his-native-habitat/848 Awwharhaghhsss!]]
* AnimationAgeGhetto: [[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-6/32896 A customer giving grief to another one]] because he's a young adult buying a ''Franchise/{{Pokemon}}'' game. But her buying ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoV'' [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotForKids for her nine-year-old kid is perfectly fine]] (at least until the kid drops an F-bomb).[[invoked]]
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking:
** Discounts mean ''[[SeriousBusiness a lot]]'' to [[http://notalwaysright.com/history-deep-pans-out/6762 this woman]].
** In the meantime, another parent ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-3/18279 doesn't like bad language in a violent game]]''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/history-deep-pans-out/6762 A Native Canadian]] wondering why two different types of pizza cost the same when one has fewer toppings: “Your people come here, give diseases, kill us all, steal our land, put our children in residential schools, and now this!”
* ArtisticLicenseBiology: [[CitySlicker Some of these]] clearly either are Extraterrestrial or live in cartoons. [[http://notalwaysright.com/nip-picking/7834 Seriously]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/what-what-its-a-butt/9845 where]] on [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-have-lymphed-their-way-through-biology/8235 Earth]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/is-that-a-tumor-in-your-pocket/1351 did]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/natural-selection-in-action-part-2/975 these]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-about-a-chia-pet-instead/3219 people]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-grow-up-so-fast/1154 grow]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/stuffed-animals-training-wheels-for-the-stupid/1188 up]]?
** This is a [[http://notalwaysright.com/digging-your-tree-out-of-a-hole/2514 MASSIVE]] understatement...
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-bit-grey-with-anatomy/5761 "Yeah, but even if he lost one leg, he's still got two feet, right?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bloody-stupid/4856 Chickens don't bleed!]] But [[http://notalwaysright.com/free-derange/10245 can read]] -- why not, if even [[http://notalwaysright.com/stupid-customers-come-with-a-sign/7231 turtles]] do?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/udderly-ridiculous/9648 "No thanks, I'm trying to become a vegetarian and eggs come from cows."]] -- right, those [[http://notalwaysright.com/attack-of-the-cownivores/3084 carnivorous]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-cow-goes-moy/17148 soy]] cows.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-flippers-attack/9906 "That's a dolphin, dear. It eats people."]] And maybe [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-swim-upriver-to-mate/13950 swims upriver to mate like other whales]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-whale-of-a-story-2/22165 All the way to Salt Lake, Utah, US]] (and from there, back to Hollywood). [[http://notalwaysright.com/tall-tail-tales/24721 Without tails]]. Then [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-whale-of-a-story/577 lay eggs]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/tricky-customers-are-just-killer-part-2/4462 come right out of the water and steal children]].
** Beware of [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained-part-3/2349 cockatiel]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/got-the-bird-but-no-bees-here/13628 ostrich]] hatching basilisks. And [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-from-a-reptile-dysfunction/7113 fire-breathing insectile bearded dragons]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/like-a-fish-out-of-water/6568 All]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/wet-the-appetite/7160 this]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/fish-dont-need-air-and-you-dont-need-water/14247 Terran]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained-part-7/7277 fish]] is [[http://notalwaysright.com/unnatural-selection/13831 so]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/somebody-took-an-evolutionary-detour/16854 enigmatic]]!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-elephant-in-the-room/17752 An elephant repellent]]. You'll need it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-to-the-meat-of-the-issue/17122 Where the meat comes from]], anyway?
** Even if you hide extra appendages under your clothes you may still [[http://notalwaysright.com/bilateral-symmetry-meets-botched-schooling/11818 fail]] to uphold the {{Masquerade}}.
** Flying [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained-part-4/2444 penguins]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-a-dog-gone-fact/32344 Male dogs getting]] [[MisterSeahorse pregnant]]?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youve-got-to-be-kitten-part-2/11377 This customer]] thinks that a ''male'' cat can nurse a litter of orphaned kittens. Thankfully, the vet hospital recommends a cat foster program.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/mouse-to-mouse-resuscitation/9289 This customer]] apparently thinks that hamsters are aquatic.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tried-explaining-until-the-cows-came-home/39067 What is a cow?]]
* ArtisticLicenseEconomics: Any entry titled "This Is Why We're In A Recession". There are over ''two dozen'' entries of the sort, as well as one called "This Is Why We're In A Recession, Literally" - [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-literally/9092 which, true to the title, states the exact reason for the recession]].
* ArtisticLicenseGeography / GlobalIgnorance:
** Several customers assume that WeAllLiveInAmerica. They are wrong. [[http://notalwaysright.com/out-of-state-out-of-mind/3367 "But... isn't Europe part of the US?"]]
** Some customers take this to extreme levels. The conversations they have with various cashiers and salespeople seems to imply that they are unaware that other nations besides the United States exist.
** There are enough examples of Americans being ignorant about the rest of the world that listing them all would take too long...[[http://notalwaysright.com/the-fourth-is-not-strong-with-this-one/3386 so here's an example of the opposite.]]
*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yukon-see-it-on-a-map-part-2/4609 This guy seems to be under the impression that Illinois is a Canadian province.]]
** Quite a few seem to involve Americans across the border in Canada who are a bit surprised to learn that it isn't ''exactly'' like home.
*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-nation-under-god-period/5354 This]] poor, geographically deluded soul.
*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-all-dutch-to-me/5808 This]] guy, on the other hand, manages to make the distinction between Canada and the US. But not between Canada and the Netherlands.
*** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/canada-americas-hat-part-7/31619 CANADA IS PART OF THE UNITED STATES; YOU’RE ALL JUST IN DENIAL!]]" Bizarrely, the person making ''this'' claim is ''not'' from the U.S., nor even Canada, but ''New Zealand''.
*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/french-disconnection/34669 And again:]] an ignorant JerkAss makes the assumption that since a travel brochure for visiting Quebec was in English, that means it and the rest of Canada are part of America and the people there should be speaking "American" at all times, [[ItsAllAboutMe solely for his convenience]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-in-rome-or-spain/15804 This tourist]] complains that all the road signs are in Spanish instead of English. The customer service person replies, "We are in Spain, sir. Spanish is our official language."
** And then, there are cases where Americans ''don't'' assume other countries are like their own...but get ''other'' facts wrong. [[http://notalwaysright.com/first-ocean-to-the-right-then-straight-on-til-drowning/1823 This one]] is especially [[TVTropesDrinkingGame egregious]].
** What travel is better -- [[http://notalwaysright.com/here-today-gone-to-maui-2/5145 a train to Hawaii]] or a boat [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-have-a-sinking-feeling/10188 to Atlantis]]?
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/watashi-whaaa/7331 You mean Japan's a real place?!]]" And even [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-in-ermurica/15071 Australia isn't in the Middle East]].
** In turn, Europeans [[http://notalwaysright.com/giving-the-french-stick/10042 sometimes fail to understand]] that North America is a ''really big'' place populated mostly by European immigrants who may be even more into imitation than the rest of humanity.
*** Let's reiterate: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-vocation-for-location-part-4/24409 "The US is a big country, sir."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-state-of-mindlessness-part-3/12906 This woman]] seems to be in total ignorance of state locations, cardinal directions, and linguistics. Also counts as HypocriticalHumor.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/asia-itll-amaze-ya/21691 "Oh yeah, I remember now. Vietnam is that little island next to Korea!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-whale-of-a-story-2/22165 Who cares if Utah is landlocked]]; taunting an officer of the law about whaling is WRONG!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/asia-itll-amaze-ya-part-2/23859 This person]] thinks all of Asia is a single country.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/inferior-knowledge-on-lake-superior/31423 This person]] thinks the Great Lakes are divided into the Great Lakes of Canada, and the Great Lakes of America, and that national borders can't run through lakes.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-vocation-for-location-part-9/34898 "France ain't in Europe! It's just across the Channel!"]]
* ArtisticLicenseHistory:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-pho-so-crazy/8857 This guy on Vietnam.]] Remember that war in the 1960s where the US killed every single Vietnamese person? He does.
** ''Of course'' it's not actual live footage of the siege of 1216. Because ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/lack-of-grey-matter-part-3/10307 they only had black and white video back then]]''.
** According to [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-no-propensity-for-history/31302 this tourist]], national parks and monuments existed before the US Civil War's battles.
* ArtisticLicenseLaw:
** Some customers start threatening lawsuits at the drop of a hat and, usually, under the most feeble of pretexts. [[http://notalwaysright.com/wearing-law-suits-will-get-you-law-suits/8689 Sometimes, just wearing a suit will make people think you're a lawyer]].
** Two people threatening to sue get owned [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-poser-by-any-other-name-part-2/8983 here]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-fought-the-law-and-the-law-won/2115 here]]
* ArtisticLicenseLinguistics:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yo-hablo-deutschpanol/12426 "I had Spanish in high school, and all I remember is 'Auf wiedersehen'!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/inde-fence-ible-behavior/22154 This customer can't tell the difference between Spanish and French. Also throws in some racist douchebaggery for good measure.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-first-and-true-language-of-america/31947 This guy]] seems to think "Mexican" is a language. Also, even a casual listener can tell the difference between Navajo and Spanish.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/e-pluribus-dumbum-2/21068 E pluribus unum]] does ''not'' translate as "In God we trust".[[note]]Unfortunately, the viewpoint character gets another fact wrong; "E pluribus unum" is not the national motto of the U.S., and has not been since 1956; the current motto is--wait for it--"[[{{Irony}} In God we trust]]".[[/note]]
* ArtisticLicenseMusic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/songs-in-the-key-of-clueless/2074 This customer]], who can't tell a saxophone from a violin, and doesn't seem to know the meaning of the word "instrument".
* ArtisticLicensePhysics:
** Can you [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/1332 turn the photo around]] so I can see [[http://notalwaysright.com/magic-ink/4840 that guy's face?]]
** Maybe it will weigh less [[http://notalwaysright.com/special-sale-half-price-gravity/9421 tomorrow]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/water-you-dense/22720 This customer]] specifically wanted a soda with ice on the bottom. Naturally, the request was impossible to fulfill.
*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-yam-not-impressed/27865 Potatoes will bruise apples]], even when the apples are above them. Lettuce on top is fair game, though.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-recognize-the-gravity-of-her-statement/28625 This customer]] thinks items weigh more when scrunched up than when they're looser. To compound her mistake, she uses the analogy of a ball of yarn weighing more when it's soaked in water than otherwise--true, but that's ''not'' because the water causes it to compact better, but because ''the weight of the water is added to the weight of the yarn''.
* AskAStupidQuestion: [[http://notalwaysright.com/some-questions-should-never-be-asked-part-2/779 The difference between girls and boys.]] One of the hardest questions known to man. Or not.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/ask-a-stupid-question-part-4/1220 What sort of time is nine feet anyway?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-assuming-if-a-woodchuck-could-chuck-wood/538 What's the conversion rate from dollars to woodchucks?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-ones-cup-of-tea/36269 "Ugh! Who asked you, anyway?!" "Uh, YOU did."]]
* TheAtoner:
** A customer comes to a store to [[http://notalwaysright.com/stealers-remorse/12812 confess to having stolen some merchandise]] and offer to pay for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/alls-well-that-bookends-well/20753 This couple]] does their same, to show their kid to fix errors in life.
* AttentionDeficitOohShiny: [[http://notalwaysright.com/customers-of-a-feather-flock-together/2237 Here.]] It may also count as HypocriticalHumor.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/invasion-of-the-spacey-wedding-guests/1386 Also here.]]
* AttentionWhore: Or what's the point of [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-style-no-substance/6267 getting that hairstyle]] if nobody tells you how amazing it is...
* AuthenticationByNewspaper: Used to foil a scammer [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-commit-the-crime-if-you-cant-tell-time/11529 here]].
* AutoErotica: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-just-your-car-needs-cleaning/12571 I just really need to get my car sodomized.]]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:B]]
* BaconAddiction: [[http://notalwaysright.com/with-great-bacon-comes-great-responsibility-part-12/34874 "Gotta have my bacon!"]]
* BadBoss: [[http://notalwaysright.com/we-need-one-of-these-in-every-store-part-2/998 No wonder his customers walked out on the guy.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism-part-4/12998 This]] [[SarcasmMode genius]] manager, who ended up firing his (female) worker for ''[[WhatAnIdiot his]]'' mistake.
** Website/NotAlwaysWorking is, in part, dedicated to them.
* BadLiar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-telling-a-shaggy-dog-story/34460 This doctor]] was ''way'' too eager to try to throw off the stop setter, seeing how all the sentences contradict each other. Not to mention that the stop setter [[INeverSaidItWasPoison hadn't actually gotten around to mentioning the dogs yet.]]
* BadassAdorable: Anytime [[WiseBeyondTheirYears a young child]] sets an adult (who should know better) straight or comes to someone's rescue. [[http://notalwaysright.com/respect-your-zombie-elders/21337 Such as this one.]]
* BadassBookworm: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-cosplayer-is-always-right/22297 Cosplayers, but close enough.]]
* BadassBystander: [[http://notalwaysright.com/we-need-one-of-these-in-every-store/192 "UFC Jacket Guy"]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/weekend-roundup-customers-to-the-rescue/17726 amongst others]], including [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-press-paws/29017 tiny, middle-aged Asian women]].
* BadassGrandma:
** What's an angry mother weak against? [[http://notalwaysright.com/grannies-gotta-love-em/1168 Her own mother of course.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-lol-in-little-old-lady/2314 Grannies sure like putting down abusive customers.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t-part-2/23244 And negligent ones]].
* BadassGrandpa:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-grandpa-ever/3230 Tackling a shoplifter, grandpa style.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-good-ol-fashioned-a-whoopin-part-2/22335 "Bad kids always need a good kick in the butt!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/admitting-defeat-was-an-easy-thing-touche/25319 Don't mess with a master fencer]].
* BadassTeacher: [[http://notalwaysright.com/low-on-the-milk-of-human-kindness/36678 This editor's wife.]] Primary school trainer and judo master all in one? Why not?
* BaitAndSwitch: A narrator-based example [[http://notalwaysright.com/going-off-the-deep-end/32102 here]]. A lifeguard disciplines some kids who are acting up, and the girl yells that she's going to tell her father. True to her word, the father comes up, described as "rather large and intimidating". You might expect him to yell at the lifeguard something like "how ''dare'' you talk to my little girl like that"... but nope, he just apologizes for his daughter's behavior, and furthermore tells the head lifeguard about the whole thing, which results in an official commendation for the lifeguard.
* BasedOnAGreatBigLie: At least, this is what you hope about some of the entries; but [[PoesLaw it's impossible to know exactly how many are fakes]].
* {{Beat}}: Sometimes precedes a customer realizing his or her own stupidity. [[http://notalwaysright.com/nonplussed-customers/10026 For example, after failing primary school level math problems.]]
* BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor: [[http://notalwaysright.com/convicted-by-his-convictions/32084 A man in full prayer garb]] refuses to pay for the pornographic television on his hotel bill. He claims that he flipped to that channel "by accident", despite the bill stating that he watched at least two hours of said porn. He continues to rant that a religious man like him would ''never'' willingly expose himself to such filth, but eventually gives up and angrily throws a wad of money at the receptionist. The next day, the religious man calls back with another complaint, but the receptionist simply says that all pornographic channels are now locked so he will no longer "be exposed to such filth", just like he asked.
* BecauseImJonesy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-man-of-many-faces-all-of-them-dumb/2284 Right here.]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/inn-experienced-guest-part-3/11874 Here, too.]]
** Telemarketers seem to have a bad habit of calling a family-run business and claiming to be related to the owner.
*** As does [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/31280 this poor sap.]]
** Great case of this [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-walk-in-that-runs-out/33105 here]]: a man walks into a medical office, tries to excuse his lack of an appointment by claiming to be related to the doctor - and ends up insulting both said doctor ''and'' his wife.
** A double-whammy [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-have-vetted-the-owners-first/34193 here]], where an egotistical customer claims to be an animal doctor's girlfriend and accuses the receptionist of being "jealous" of her for that - the doctor is actually gay, and the receptionist is his sister.
* BeethovenWasAnAlienSpy: ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/being-the-president-sucks/5795 Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter]]''. Ask in the nearest bookstore. In the history section. [[http://notalwaysright.com/s-h-i-e-l-d-me-from-this-stupidity/17195 Also]], the role of ComicBook/CaptainAmerica in UsefulNotes/WorldWarII is sadly understated.
** Franchise/{{Batman}} [[http://notalwaysright.com/holy-smoky-mountains-batman/22132 hides out in Tennessee these days]]. Thankfully, this came from a child.[[note]]The [=BellSouth=] HQ building in Nashville has two pointed spires which has made the locals give it the moniker of "the Batman building"; this may be what he's referring to.[[/note]]
* BeliefMakesYouStupid: ''Tons'' of people who would give even Pat Robertson a run for his money in the sheer insanity department, if not the asshole department. Half of them go into FridgeHorror because they are showing signs of dementia and/or Alzheimer's.
** Examples [[http://notalwaysright.com/thank-you-for-shopping-at-apocalypsemart/1191 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/eternal-dnation-pleasant-atmosphere/1592 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-look-nothing-like-your-ad/1441 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/just-another-day-at-work/1011 here]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/thou-shalt-pay-on-time/4538 here]].
** Behold the power of [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-devil-to-pay/3391 bobble head Jesus!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hell-in-a-handbag/2394 This one is]] [[{{Pun}} outright criminal.]]
** Then there are the more benign, but still insane, ones like [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-fail-conversation-starters/2289 this person]], who is like the exact polar opposite of a young-earth creationist or something.
** A [[TheFundamentalist fundamentalist]] alum of a certain college tries her hardest to "justify" the stupidity. [[http://notalwaysright.com/freedom-of-screech/6616 "You don't need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you."]]
** Those people have nothing on [[http://notalwaysright.com/devil-in-disguise/5221 this lady]], who, because of her beliefs, winds up falling for a PaperThinDisguise, half of which wasn't even part of the disguise.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-a-mass-reboot/9933 "Well, I think it's possessed and it needs an exorcism. Do you have any Catholic workers?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-much-between-the-temples/8543 How about this lady?]] She doesn't seem to understand the point of there being other religions besides Christianity.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/casting-the-first-stone/12414 Let he who is without blame of his own...]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/try-adobe-heathenshop/19489 For this customer]], a "photo converter" apparently means converting "devil worshippers" into Christians.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/likely-not-a-fan-of-spell-checking/8474 And for this customer]], computer wizards are as vile as "real" wizards are, even if they're only connected by name.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/what-possessed-you-to-do-that/14855 This person]] bought a toy sword, armor, and shield set for their son, and demanded a refund for it. What happened? The son started playacting like any kid with a toy sword, armor, and shield would do. The customer is convinced that means the toy is possessed, rather than believe that their son was just being normal.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-touchy-subject/24091 This mother]] believes her son had a seizure, despite the ''son himself'' admitting he was [[ADateWithRosiePalms doing something else]], because "he’s a good Christian boy and would never touch himself in such a horrible way". She adamantly demands that he be taken to the ER and the [=EMTs=] present eventually relent. Hope the medical bills and trauma were worth it, lady.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cult-ivating-ignorance/24465 Real Christians don't worship Jesus!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-ten-doctors-versus-the-ten-commandments/32019 A customer]] believes her church when they say ''Series/DoctorWho'' is evil. Somehow, this entitles her to demand the person watching an episode of the show, on their smartphone, with headphones on, and otherwise minding their own business, to turn it off. Apparently, even with that level of non-disturbance, [[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence she still felt threatened by it]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pent-up-on-pentagrams/37869 This lady]] somehow can't even tell the difference between a star shape and a pentagram.
** Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/religious-hatred-works-both-ways/38010 here]], where a customer asks the cashier (who is wearing a small cross necklace) about her religious beliefs, and then goes off about how Christians have "centuries of blood" on their hands and demanding a refund simply because that cashier touched the drink he ordered.
* BenevolentBoss: Some show up, like [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-five-cents/10485 this one]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/thank-you-for-shopping-at-apocalypsemart this one]], or [[http://notalwaysright.com/even-bosses-have-a-stupid-quota-part-2/293 this one]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/saved-by-the-boss/3279 This one too.]]
** Actually, many of the managers included in these stories fall under this trope; those who don't usually end up on Website/NotAlwaysWorking.
* BerserkButton: For a good number of the customers, not getting their way is enough to get them to fly off the handle, sometimes to the point of ''attacking someone''.
* BigBrotherIsWatching: [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-brother-is-not-watching-you/25135 This woman]] apparently believes traffic cameras work in this manner.
* BigDamnHeroes[=/=]TheCavalry: Sometimes a [[BenevolentBoss boss]], sometimes a [[TrueCompanions coworker]], sometimes a [[HeroicBystander customer]].
** The customer saves the day in [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-press-paws/29017 this story]].
* BigEater: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-everlasting-supper/2557 The everlasting supper]]. And apparently he ate almost everything (though it did take him four hours).
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/eating-disorderly/7978 Please don't eat your receipt]].
* BigStupidDoodooHead: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-booger-inning-of-a-beautiful-friendship/28782 “I don’t have to listen to you, you… you… booger face!”]]
* BilingualBackfire:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cost-in-the-translation/4334 Here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/cost-in-the-translation-part-2/4968 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/customers-should-watch-their-language-part-2/16048 here]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-a-tsary-state/7328 this.]] BadassGrandpa indeed.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/parlez-vous-douchebag/19979 Here, too]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-conjugate-a-thief/20886 And here]], thwarting a theft attempt in the process, even!
** Gotta love how [[http://notalwaysright.com/seoul-much-for-that-brilliant-idea/22249 these guys]] get backfired ''twice''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-moooo-sing-customers-part-2/22573 These kids]] thought that they could get away with insulting a Frenchman. Oops.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/honesty-is-the-sweetest-policy/23855 Here's another thwarted theft attempt]], but this time the kid helps out.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/going-from-bad-to-warsaw/27714 Another backfiring]], courtesy of a Polish speaker.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-round-he-lost-in-translation-part-2/28776 And another one]] involving the French language.
* BinarySuns: [[http://notalwaysright.com/seeing-the-sun-in-a-whole-new-light/8926 Surprisingly enough]], our solar system doesn't have this feature.
* BirdsOfAFeather: A rather disgusting example [[http://notalwaysright.com/life-is-stranger-than-the-fiction-section/30405 here]]. A woman urinates on the floor and smears her feces onto several books when she doesn't get her way. Her boyfriend does the same when the police arrest her.
* BlackWidow: [[http://notalwaysright.com/got-love-in-the-bank/13310 A passive and ultimately unsuccessful one]], but absolutely rotten person, all the same.
* BlandNameProduct: With very, very, ''very'' few exceptions, any trademarked item that gets namedropped in a story will have that name excised in favor of a generic "[Brand Name]" or "[Item]" or similar label.
* BlatantLies:
** Numerous accounts of customers trying very poorly to bullshit their way out of paying for something, as well as employees going along with crazy or stupid customers' misconceptions or conspiracy theories in order to get out of the conversation.
** Most complaints filed during or after stories are also wildly embellished. For example, [[http://notalwaysright.com/demanding-and-stupid-in-the-same-breath/37817 cashier refusing to take a return on a $3 kazoo]] because it was not defective as the customer claimed somehow means the cashier "threw a kazoo at her".
* BleepDammit: NSFW language in stories is censored, but not necessarily all of a compound word.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-waiting-blame-game/28601 The Waiting Blame Game]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/going-from-negative-to-positive/28684 Going From Negative to Positive]] say "god-d***".
** It's not always consistent either: [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-security-into-social-security/28770 Putting The Security Into Social Security]] says "ass-h***" but other stories say "a**hole".
** The word "slut" is usually censored, but [[http://notalwaysright.com/daddy-doesnt-brat-an-eyelid/33348 Daddy Doesn't Brat An Eyelid]] doesn't bother for "slutty".
* BlindIdiotTranslation: There's a whole category for it - "[[http://notalwaysright.com/lost-in-translation-2/2540 Lost In Translation]]".
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/bust-a-gut-laughing/37964 Tapeworm is my culpa!]]"
* BlindMistake:
** An [[http://notalwaysright.com/eyesight-only-as-good-as-hindsight/13821 innocent version]].
** An [[http://notalwaysright.com/buy-a-50n1-next-time/28607 even more innocent version]], quickly cured by the customer [[BlindWithoutEm putting his glasses on]].
** A [[http://notalwaysright.com/eyesight-only-as-good-as-hindsight-part-2/14157 destructive, ignorant version]].
* BluffTheImpostor:
** How [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-scam-a-scammer-part-3/242 one scammer]] gets caught.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lying-is-all-relatives/29219 And this guy]].
* BluenoseBowdlerizer: Possibly the only site on the Web that stars out "hell" that isn't explicitly Christian. Martha Stewart uses saltier language. You get used to it, though.
* BookDumb: [[http://notalwaysright.com/warning-movie-may-require-brain-cells/885 Because subtitles are too hard for the average customer.]]
** A rather extreme case here. [[http://notalwaysright.com/there-must-be-something-in-the-water/5204 "What's dumbing down?"]]
* BookSafe: What [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-the-worlds-a-book/1537 this customer]] apparently was looking for.
* BrainBleach: [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-set-your-phone-to-jiggle/20252 For the sake of everyone around you, please remember where you put your phone.]]
* BreadEggsMilkSquick:
** A policeman's reasons for arresting [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-dumb-and-the-dubious/26338 this guy]]: "Well, to start with, you’ve given us false details. Following that, you caused an accident and refused to settle this correctly whilst clearly being to blame. Following that, we have done a check on your vehicle and it’s uninsured. Also, you don’t have a license and you’re wanted for two hit-and-runs."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-spell-trouble/28454 "It's 'D' as in 'dog', 'A' as in August, 'I' as in igloo, 'J' as in junkie..."]]
* BuffySpeak: [[http://notalwaysright.com/de-ting-de-ting/308 DE TING, DE TING!!!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/noahs-nondescript-ark/7046 The tall things, and the not so tall things.]]
** Buffy Speak is apparently the first language of [[http://notalwaysright.com/youve-got-a-bad-doodad/10930 this customer]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/totally-scentsless-part-2/16731 "Y'all got some smell-good?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-term-a-contradiction/33149 "I was, like, all opposite-y"]]. Ironically enough, despite references to [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer the trope namer]], the phrasing is blamed on [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Stephanie Meyer]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-phone-is-suffering-from-the-situation/10554 “Yeah. Phone don’t work.]] It’s all like ‘WHAAAAAAT’, and needs to be like ‘YAAYUUUUHHH’."
* BullyHunter: Many stories involve a third party (sometimes a fellow workmate, sometimes themselves a customer) who, upon encountering an unreasonable character trying to bully a server into getting what they want (or even [[ForTheEvulz just to be a]] {{Jerkass}}), [[AwesomeMoments feel the need to intervene]].
* BullyingADragon: [[http://notalwaysright.com/feeding-the-baby-and-the-trolls/33774 Don't mock a bunch of guys with swords]], especially at a renaissance festival.
* BurnTheWitch: With people like [[http://notalwaysright.com/for-my-next-trick/1470 this]] ''today'', it's not a surprise this was so popular back in TheDungAges.
* ButICantBePregnant: [[http://notalwaysright.com/even-managers-have-a-stupid-quota/1275 Oh]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/denial-by-way-of-refund/510 yes]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-get-their-education-straight/25149 you]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-strong-case-for-reproductive-licensing/19 can]][[note]]Though this one may just have meant she was not trying either way. And take "still having her period" as evidence she wasn't pregnant at the time[[/note]]. And your [[http://notalwaysright.com/that-hot-tub-had-better-be-filled-with-spermicide/1559 daughter]] too.
* BuxomIsBetter: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-sisterhood-of-the-traveling-back-pain/17925 According to these customers]], it is. In fact, they call the employee's breasts tiny, even though she has C-Cups, which are usually considered big. Note that they claim this after complaining about not being able to find anything that fits.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:C]]
* TheCakeIsALie: [[http://notalwaysright.com/deceptive-desserts/1675 Some people just don't get it.]]
* CallARabbitASmeerp: Several examples, including something called "[[http://notalwaysright.com/ix-nay-on-the-eesh-squeesh/2551 eesh squeesh]]". They're actually onions.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/the-secret-language-of-customers/3342 Screen mail]]", which is apparently a bag of potato chips.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/latte-in-the-translation/3213 La-tea]]", which is apparently an iced coffee. Complete with LampshadeHanging.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/say-what/1728 Cup of onions and cheese]]" apparently means "jug of milk" to this customer. Or maybe "hamburger".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-the-worlds-a-book/1537 This customer]] is looking for a book. Or a dictionary. Turns out they actually want a safe.
* CallingMeALogarithm:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-real-oxymoron/4055 One story]] involves a customer thinking that the word "oxymoron" is an insult.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-not-in-rome/981 This customer]] thinks the same of "veni, vidi, vici".
* CallingTheOldManOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/setting-mother-straight/26685 A daughter stands up to her homophobic mother in defense of a gay cashier.]] And it is awesome.
* CanadaEh:
** If you thought pronouncing "about" as "aboot" was just a made-up stereotype, [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-remotely-intelligent-part-5/10609 you'll never believe this one.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-a-bipolar-vortex/35609 This Canadian]] has it as a BerserkButton. Unfortunately, said Canadian [[EverythingIsRacist takes even innocent remarks as falling under the trope]].
* CaneFu: [[http://notalwaysright.com/brand-spankin-new-employee/12282 "I'll teach you to disrespect your elders!"]]
* CannotTellFictionFromReality: [[http://notalwaysright.com/there-is-a-meth-to-this-madness/31370 A Tourist]] calls a store and demands to meet [[Series/BreakingBad Walter White]] so he can buy Meth. When the Employee tells the Tourist Walter is not real but a fictional chracter, the Tourist refuses to believe him and thinks he's lying. The manager ends giving the Tourist a fake address to meet Walter, [[LaserGuidedKarma at a police station]].
* CantYouReadTheSign: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-bigger-the-sign-the-harder-they-fail/28613 The first customer does.]] The second...[[FailedASpotCheck doesn't]].
* CaptainObvious: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-really/14 No, really?]]
* CassandraTruth:
** All too often, the customers ''will not accept'' the word of the employee at face value, as they believe the employee is always trying to cheat them. All too often, the customers end up worse off because of their own paranoia.
** This can also happen when a customer [[MistakenForServant mistakes another customer for an employee]]; when someone else tries to point out the first customer's mistake, the first customer assumes that the other person is lying and the "employee" is just trying to dodge responsibility. This can escalate to abuse (and sometimes even ''violence'') rather quickly.
* CasualDangerDialogue / SkewedPriorities: [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-alarming-turn-of-events/10913 "Oh, okay. By the way, my keypad seems to be on fire. Is that a bad thing?"]]
** "You know that computer that was a fire risk? [[http://notalwaysright.com/100-chance-of-disaster/14402 She meant that it was on fire]]."
** "Your stupid fire alarm is going off again! [[http://notalwaysright.com/where-theres-smoke/11486 Just tell me how to turn it off]]." "Have you checked the dormitory for fire?" "Stay on the line. I'll check... The dormitory is on fire."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-caller-is-off-the-hook/11949 Note: I have been speaking to this caller for at least a half-hour.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-see-the-forest-for-the-airborne-trees/2799 Yes, I'd say the flashing lights may have something to do with the tornado warning.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/epicenseless/23756 "Oh, I feel [the earthquake] now! Isn't this exciting?"]]
* CheshireCatGrin: [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-two-wrongs-make-it-right/8875 Referenced here.]]
* ChildrenAreInnocent: Several attempted scams end with a small child asking why their parents are lying to the employees.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/blowing-things-out-and-up-of-proportion/23416 “How come you said she planted a bomb? She didn’t!”]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-good-she-doesnt-need-a-weapon/17573 Secret agent!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-cuss-into-repercussions/28523 “I’m sorry my nana said that.]] She doesn’t know you’re not allowed to say the f-word.”
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-detergent-deterrence/32911 "But Mommy, you told me to open it!"]]
* ChristmasCake: For all that it's happening in South Africa, not Japan, [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-expiring-is-not-inspiring/34483 the age of the submitter and the choice of words on the girl's part still come pretty close.]]
* ClarkKenting: Unintentional example on the part of the disguised person [[http://notalwaysright.com/clarissa-kent-to-the-rescue/3379 here.]] Subverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-customer-tip-103-pull-a-clark-kent/864 here,]] as the guy figures it out. He does not react well.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-clothes-make-the-manager/2268 Perhaps an even weirder example.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/devil-in-disguise/5221 Sometimes, all it takes is a swap of necklaces.]]
* [[CrazyJealousGuy Crazy Jealous Customer]]: [[http://notalwaysright.com/jealousy-is-a-rude-green-eyed-monster/15361 "Sir, you can't just do that!" "I don't want anyone to come between us!"]]
* CloningBlues: [[http://notalwaysright.com/copycatsand-copy-dogs-copy-sheep/1713 This woman]] wanted an OppositeSexClone. Of her ''dog''.
* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}: A common trait among the customers in these stories. Usually, these are the customers who are less horrible or are unintentionally offensive. Usually.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-customer-has-a-tuna-problems/31076 "Well, at least it’s not]] a Nazi-controlled fish world where it’s 'hail tuna, only what the tuna says!'"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained/91 It's a bird, hello bird!]]
** Also, [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-dont-call-her-dumblesnore-for-nothing/3738 dumblesnore]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/random-encounters/4670 ...sweatshirts.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-half-baked-requests-and-baked-in-clothes/5886 This heartless exploitation of garden gnomes]]. Now turn them back to flesh, change dress and [[TakenForGranite petrify again]]. Also a pretty amazing example of SkewedPriorities. This woman appears to fully believe that garden gnomes are living, sentient beings who have been "frozen" by the ceramics company in order to be sold as ornaments. She has no moral objections to this practice, her only concern is that [[ComicallyMissingThePoint their outfits clash with her own.]] Furthermore, [[FridgeLogic why is it so important that their clothes match hers?]] Is she actually planning to carry them around with her at a goddamn ''wedding''?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-one-ever-said-it-would-be-boring/1832 THESE. ARE. PEACCHEESSSS]]!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/aint-no-mountain-wry-enough/6488 The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/preserving-life-1-up-at-a-time/1880 AND SO HUMBLE! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY! *leaves store*]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tiger-tiger-fake-and-bright/10534 Polyester tigers.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/drive-hoo/7015 Woo-hoo.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theyre-in-a-galaxy-far-far-away/8739 This guy]] fails either military history or {{Multiverse}}-ography. It's hard to tell.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/500-non-pays-of-summer/11657 TRUST NO ONE]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-moooo-sing-explanations/19389 Oh, a cow exploded.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/calling-about-his-c-pee-yew/35973 This person]] calling a [=IT=] company to get his toilet remotely fixed.
* ClusterFBomb: Often launched by particularly insane customers.
** Occasionally [[http://notalwaysright.com/whos-got-the-power-now/933 gets]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/south-of-the-border-of-unreason/35813 them]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-gauntlet-has-been-phoned/16396 owned]]. Call center employees do ''not'' have to put up with that abuse, and ''are'' allowed to [[JustShootHim Just Hang Up On Him]].
* ClownCar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/driving-in-laps/33320 Ten people]] in one tiny car.
* ComicallyMissingThePoint:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grab-bag-alaska-cruise/1084 Alaska Cruise Grab Bag]], the last one. Also approximately 1000 others.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-please-listen-to-yourself-talk/1002 I didn't come to this library to read!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-d-is-silent-the-customer-wont-be-part-2/30943 This mother]] keeps on saying that she doesn't want to watch a movie rated 17 and over. She doesn't seems to understand at all that she's not the entire problem -- if she doesn't go, her underaged sons can't watch the movie.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/raising-a-voodoo-child/31119 This mother]] is livid that a music instructor is showing heavy metal and rock music to her son, and demands that the instructor show the son some "classics", like Jimi Hendrix. When the instructor points out a questionable lyric from one of those songs, the mother just says "Yes! The classics!".
* ComicallySmallBribe: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bribery-adjusted-for-inflation/502 This customer]] trying to bribe a cashier for the date a stock of new Wiis would be coming in.
* CompanionCube: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-wonder-hes-always-stuffed/4203 "He doesn't look over 21, ma'am."]]
* CompensatingForSomething: [[http://notalwaysright.com/does-your-sandwich-measure-up/13254 And failing]].
* ComplainingAboutRescuesTheyDontLike: What did you do [[http://notalwaysright.com/better-off-popular/1584 that]] for?
* ComplainingAboutShowsYouDontWatch: [[invoked]] Comes back to bite [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-twilight-of-our-literacy-part-4/11821 this professor]], but at least he's big enough to follow it up.
* ComplainingAboutThingsYouHaventPaidFor:
** A few stories see customers complain about things they didn't even pay money for. Ones that stand out include [[http://notalwaysright.com/thinking-outside-the-box/4276 a caller complaining about receiving a free soup that came with her food order]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/thievers-cant-be-choosers/1399 a man calling a hotel to complain that the towels he stole from his room upon checking out were "too scratchy."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/taking-it-down-to-the-wire/5417 Or this person complaining about the internet being out, when it's actually his neighbor's he's stealing it from]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-two-wrongs-make-it-right/8875 A thief calling the store that they shorted her a shoe]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-just-the-cream-turning-sour/33753 This customer]] is informed of a buy-two-get-one-free sale on an item she has two of, and immediately assumes what the cashier means is she's being charged for three of that item. Turns out she was a previous problem-customer who would fly off the handle at employees for stupid things like this, and had been banned from the store until the new manager took over.
* ComputerEqualsMonitor: Very common.
** According to [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-stupid-its-iconic/11366 this guy]].
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-a-computer-is-not-a-computer/11989 this one]].
** As well as [[http://notalwaysright.com/gotta-love-them-diy-puters/526 this one]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/monitoring-lack-of-progress/2378 this one]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/good-examples-gone-bad/2088 this one]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/problem-exists-between-sign-and-keyboard/23357 this one]].
** Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-in-wonder/2547 here]], where a person panics because he can't find the CPU--on an all-in-one [=iMac=].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pebcak-episode-v/25619 Another straight example here]].
* ConditionedToAcceptHorror: [[http://notalwaysright.com/we-with-consoles-are-always-ready-to-console/22791 This kid]] was way too calm considering his mother went psychotic earlier.
--> '''Writer''': “Little boy, how are you just so calm in all this?”
--> '''Customer’s Son''': “This isn’t the first time this has happened. Last time, she [[GroinAttack kicked someone where it hurts a lot]], ’cause he fell over crying and stuff."
* ConMan:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/caught-on-con-did-camera/27744 These theme park attendents]] attempt a WoundedGazelleGambit where they try to make it look like a park employee dropped a wheelchair-bound person on purpose. Too bad for them, they didn't take into account that there would be security cameras everywhere.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-scam-doesnt-fit-the-bill/29213 These two customers]] try to con on a smaller scale, but they're thwarted all the same.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-not-registered-the-lack-of-pockets/32215 When trying to con]] a cashier out of money, it's important to note what they can and can't do.
* ConspiracyTheorist:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/higher-than-a-helicopter/7618 The helicopters. They're in my veins, you know.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-cyberspace-no-one-can-hear-you-scream/7828 A woman who tin foiled her dog]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-become-employee-destroyer-of-air-pumps/16702 This guy destroys air pumps for you]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/shocking-mystery-solved/17111 Mormons. They shock.]]
** Quite a few customers refuse to reveal ''any'' personal information, like addresses or phone numbers, to an employee, because they think that the employee will either use that information to harass them or give it to some nefarious group.
* ConvectionSchmonvection: [[http://notalwaysright.com/caldera-cravings/10203 Somehow, we don't think you were next to a river of lava...]]
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: [[http://notalwaysright.com/smoke-your-veggies/9604 This mother]], upon learning from her naive younger daughter that her son's smoking pot:
-->And could you box up an order of mac'n'cheese please? Oh, and some really good smelling stuff? I figure they'll have the munchies and I want to torture them.
** A kid made a $100 pledge to a charity on behalf of his parents, without their knowledge. His mom's reaction to finding out? [[http://notalwaysright.com/charitable-mis-trust/3498 Make him pay it himself, out of his allowance]].
* CoolOldGuy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/abandon-all-mope-ye-who-enter-here/22590 This man]] plays video games, hangs out at the game store, and gives great dating advice.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-strange-kind-of-woman-needs-to-hush/20308 The guys in this story]] were playing ''Guitar Hero'' as soon as it came out.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/waxing-lyrical-on-the-lyrics/35801 This customer has great taste in music]].
** Meanwhile, for [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-too-old-to-spice-up-your-life/27211 this one]], [[Music/SpiceGirls the 90's never ended]].
* CoolOldLady: [[http://notalwaysright.com/granny-git-your-groove-on/594 This lady]] needed batteries for her "[[AwesomeMcCoolName ghetto blaster]]" (boombox).
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/shes-no-bashful-biddy/23524 this one]] pulled a "ThatsWhatSheSaid" joke.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grandma-wont-be-outmatched/23060 This one]] will make your match no matter what team you're on.
* CorrectionBait: [[invoked]] How [[http://notalwaysright.com/adjourning-a-returning/36537 this furniture store]] finally gets a picky customer (who always seems to have a complaint about the custom pieces they deliver) to accept an order the ''first'' time--create an obvious, easily fixable problem, wait for them to point it out, then fix it. They've made their complaint, you've saved money; everyone's happy.
* CouldHaveAvoidedThisPlot: Some stories where customers makes things worse for themselves have they bother to listen.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/mile-high-blood-pressure/32952 Had this hotheaded passenger]] calmed down and not swore at and insulted the crew and passengers on the plane, the police wouldn't have been called to arrest him after finding out the passenger was a wanted criminal. And all of this fuzz was because the crew no longer have the type of sandwich he wanted.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pray-for-her-math-students/31848 A bookstore manager]] calls a math teacher that the check she used to pay for the books she bought was insufficient. But the manager learns the teacher earlier returned the books to the bookstore and got a cash refund. However, because the books were never actually paid for in the first place due to the bounced check, the teacher technically committed check fraud and stole money. Despite many attempts to ask the teacher to return the money to settle this issue, the teacher stubbornly refuses to listen or understand, believing the bookstore was trying to rob her and threatening to sue them. In the end, the teacher was found guilty in court and not only had to pay back the money she stole, but also the fine and court fees as well with her reputation ruined.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-old-hack-and-a-credit-card-hack/33930 This customer]] ends up being caught for many counts of identity theft and credit card fraud because, in the process of trying to get a store's manager to let him look at their batch report, he got loud and angry enough at them for refusing (since said batch report also had many other customers' full credit card numbers on it) that they called the cops on him - who found him yelling at ''another'' manager for probably the same reason. If he had been anything less than your typical screaming NAR customer, he would still be on the loose, possibly with another stolen identity.
* CoversAlwaysLie: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-judge-a-dvd-by-its-cover/6545 So, is it a book or a movie? Confused.]]
* CovertPervert: [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-always-the-one-you-least-suspect/1175 "I probably get more than you do."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-lion-the-witch-and-the-supply-cabinet/1004 This woman]], once you sort through the FridgeLogic.
** What does a Scotsman wear under his "quilt"? [[http://notalwaysright.com/curiosity-kilt-the-peeping-tomcat/12847 This lady sure wanted to know.]]
* CrazyCatLady: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-not-so-great-gatsby/24239 My Gatsby!]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/her-bark-is-as-bad-as-her-bite/21975 This one]] is more of a dog lady, but she maxes out the crazy part.
* CrazyPrepared: [[http://notalwaysright.com/there-is-no-spoon-2/8453 If you don't have a spoon, what will you do if you find some ice cream?]]
* CreepyChild / CreepyDoll: [[http://notalwaysright.com/exorcisms-not-included-part-2/12513 "Well then, I guess you will have to ask her, or I will have to ask, or]] [[CreepyMonotone the doll's soul will have to ask."]]
* CreditCardPlot:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/americas-debt-crisis-explained/1034 A credit card is not free money, surprisingly enough.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-part-27/34597 This one]] utterly fails to understand how credit cards work: "What's the point of having a credit card if I still have to pay for what I'm buying!?"
* CriticalResearchFailure: [[invoked]] Most of the customers know very little, but [[KnowNothingKnowItAll think they know more than the employees]].
* {{Crossdresser}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-size-fits-all/27368 This man here]], though he tried to cover it up at first. Luckily, the workers were willing to help him out once he admitted the truth.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-slave-to-fashion/36807 This customer]], as well.
* CrowdSong: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/bohemian-medicine/28199 Mama, oooooooh, didn't mean to make you cry]]; [[{{Music/Queen}} if I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters....]]"
* TheCSIEffect: An apparent source of problems for photo labs, whose clients will ask for all sorts of [[EnhanceButton crazy stuff]] (such as turning back the image so they can see the photographer) just because they (claim) saw it in TV once. A couple (including [[http://notalwaysright.com/attempting-to-mask-out-stupidity/35177 this one]]) mention this exact show. [[invoked]]
* CureYourGays: Bizarrely [[http://notalwaysright.com/pray-the-gay-to-stay/14285 inverted]].
* CurseCutShort: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-measure-of-intelligence/13665 Because that's the size of my c-]]
* CuteBruiser: Watch as [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-well-defend/21969 this petite woman]] successfully subdues a man much larger than her.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:D]]
* ADateWithRosiePalms: [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-parallel-to-perpendicular/894 As fast as you can.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-idea-ive-heard-all-day/1788 Best idea I've heard all day!]]
* DangerIsMyMiddleName: [[http://notalwaysright.com/d-for-dumb-enough-to-deserve-a-drink/637 This man.]]
* DarkAndTroubledPast: Apparently, [[http://notalwaysright.com/stressing-about-the-blessing/11946 this guy.]]
* DaydreamBeliever: Lots of. The outstanding ones include the [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-sure-to-ask-for-frickin-laser-beams/14557 aspiring]] EvilOverlord and [[http://notalwaysright.com/thou-shalt-remain-loyal-to-employer/15738 the Hell's denizen complaining about overimmigration to his place]] by disloyal employees.
* DeadpanSnarker: Among others, [[http://notalwaysright.com/where-the-sun-dont-shine/292 this call-center employee.]] Doubles as a StealthPun.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-assuming-if-a-woodchuck-could-chuck-wood/538 "We deal exclusively in fresh, live woodchucks"]].
** "Just a sec... [[PrecisionFStrike Shit!"]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/that-would-not-be-a-happy-meal/29579 "I'm sorry, sir; we don't serve that here."]] [[LiteralistSnarking "If I wanted that, I'd go to [competitor!]"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/peaking-at-high-school-isnt-f-u-n-n-y/24279 This customer]], in handling another customer who was out of line.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-extra-toast-to-all-the-idiots/37981 "So, let me understand this:]] your complaint is that the sandwich you wanted extra toasted, more than recommended, was in fact too toasted?" "Are you being smart with me here?!" "Someone in this conversation has to be."
* DeathGlare: [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t/22119 A particularly effective one.]] Add a SlasherSmile for effect, and you've just freaked out the abusive customer.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/wont-let-the-joke-run-its-course/39553 This "withering glare"]] stops a customer from breaking into a tourist attraction after hours.
* DeathIsCheap: [[http://notalwaysright.com/frequent-diers-club/1472 This man]], who has over 30 times as many deaths as the average dead man, apparently.
* DelayedReaction: [[http://notalwaysright.com/courage-under-hire/22826 This cashier]], helped by StupidCrooks.
* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment: [[http://notalwaysright.com/banking-error/10509 Here]], with a side order of HypocriticalHumor.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pdf-please-dont-fuss/17343 This customer]] ''thinks'' they caught the submitter being redundant...
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-cake-is-not-a-lie/24189 “Does this cake have cake in it?”]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-no-idea-whats-in-store-for-them/26636 A store where you can buy things]]
* DepthDeception: No special tools are required when [[http://notalwaysright.com/depth-perception-strikes-again/95 customers don't understand distance]].
* DidIJustSayThatOutLoud: [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-what-he-thought/7989 Here]]. And [[http://notalwaysright.com/stone-baked-goodness/9089 here]].
* DidntThinkThisThrough:
** An underage customer tries to buy cigarettes...[[http://notalwaysright.com/where-theres-smoke-theres-a-liar/17441 in a yogurt shop.]] There are many, many more examples on the site.
** [[http://unfiltered.notalwaysright.com/post/84437626277/adult-store-maryland-i-work-at-an-adult-store A mother]] is stopped from entering an adult store with her baby on the stroller since underage children aren't allow in such a store. When the mother threatens to call the police for refusing to let her enter, the submitter [[ThreatBackfire dares her to do it since the authorities will question her why would she try to bring her child to such a place]]. [[RightBehindMe Just like the police officer behind her]].
* DiggingYourselfDeeper: [[http://notalwaysright.com/digging-your-way-out-of-a-hole-part-4/938 Here.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/man-what-a-woman/30373 This guy]], who promptly hangs a lampshade on it.
* DinnerOrderFlub: [[http://notalwaysright.com/now-in-original-extra-bandwidth-flavor/2121 "The serving of Wi-Fi, how big is the free portion?"]]
* DirtyCoward: [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t/22119 This guy]] is a violent misogynistic jerk, but backs down when confronted someone who can fight back.
* DirtyOldMan: [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-put-your-brain-back-in-the-drivers-seat/18773 Well, at least he's honest about it.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-attraction/30880 Here]] is a dirty old person of [[AmbiguousGender unspecified gender]].
* DirtyOldWoman / ScrewPolitenessImASenior: [[http://notalwaysright.com/retired-extremely-dangerous/7770 Being old gives you the right to sexually harass employees. Apparently.]]
** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/customer-service-stripped-bare/28694 these ladies]].
* DisabledMeansHelpless: [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabling-the-able-disabled/28389 This person]] believes that people in wheelchairs are completely helpless.
* DisproportionateRetribution: Customers wish for this in quite a few stories. Did the employee screw up an inconsequential detail? Their ass must be ''fired''! Did the store follow policy to the letter by denying a return? They must be sued and driven out of business!
* {{Dissimile}}: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/so-much-for-a-discount/1341 She's about the same size, I guess...except thinner and with bigger boobs.]]" [[http://notalwaysright.com/size-matters-part-6/17127 Exactly like this, except all different]].
* TheDitz: So, so many. For example, [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-spelled-i-d-i-o-t/5731 "All right, now I have I-n-d-i-a-m-i-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n - is that how you spell Minneapolis?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/laptop-flop-part-2/26389 Another]] good example. "Well, yeah, I’m really klutzy, so I tend to drop [my laptop] out of my car when I go to school. Is it bad to drop it a lot?”
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-friendship-is-fried/36332 "No, no, no. I want that chicken ‘friend’ rice stuff…and that's got shrimp, right?"]]
** The series "[[http://notalwaysright.com/adventures-in-the-third-dimension-part-3/20860 Adventures In The Third Dimension]]" are about people who either too tired or too stupid to realize that yes, there is a third dimension. Not everything is a flat left-or-right.
** In fact, almost everything under [[http://notalwaysright.com/category/cant-be-that-stupid "Extra Stupid"]] is filled with people who can't seem to grasp basic concepts like [[http://notalwaysright.com/h2slow-part-4/29946 "rain is wet"]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-is-too-hot-one-is-too-cold-and-the-customer-is-not-right/29631 "ice is cold"]]. There are, as of this edit, ''165'' pages under the "Extra Stupid" tag, with five entries per page. That's over ''800'' stories with that tag.
* DitzyGenius: [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-must-be-a-theorist/33448 This person]] is a scientist with several [=PhDs=]. Yet, he is unable to figure out exactly ''how'' to press the 4 key on his phone to get rid of his extended absence message.
* DoesNotUnderstandSarcasm
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: [[http://notalwaysright.com/pen-envy/1438 Gigantic]] [[StealthPun pens.]]
* DomesticAbuse: Comes up every so often. [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-or-donuts-there-is-no-try/15230 Here's a rather scary example.]]
* DontExplainTheJoke: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-genie-ate-the-punchline/13625 "It's funny, because it sounds sexual."]]
* DoorDumb: Often the icing on the cake to a particularly unreasonable customer. [[http://notalwaysright.com/acute-mental-failure/1993 For example.]]
** And every so often, ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/when-push-comes-to-shove/17205 it's the entire point of the story.]]''
* DoubleEntendre: Oddly enough, [[http://notalwaysright.com/factual-innuendos/2558 the literal meaning of the words is the correct one.]] It's ''still'' creepy, though.
** It '''had''' to be a joke. Nobody could have done that by accident.
** The title of [[http://notalwaysright.com/methinks-his-digital-mistress-was-sabotaged/1570 this entry]] suggests that the poster thought that the milkshake spilling was no accident.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/insert-sex-euphemism-here/763 Can't get it up any more.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-husbands-must-be-kept-on-a-leash/712 Fast women.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/behind-every-husband-is-a-brutally-honest-wife/216 "You wouldn't know anything about 10 inches, dear."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/fully-armed-and-operational-feminine-wiles/660 Is anyone gonna pump me?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/some-networks-can-never-be-found/16795 That's]] not one misspelling. There's something along this line in very phrase.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/buy-one-euphemism-get-the-second-one-free/17336 New jugs]]. Get that mind out of the gutter.
** Proximity of mass media [[http://notalwaysright.com/sure-thing-sweet-cheeks/18864 isn't conducive to removing one's mind out of that gutter]].
* DoubleStandard:
** Mixed with DoesNotLikeWomen, a guy who nearly had a stroke when he was told all [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-estrogen-empire-strikes-back/489 the managers were female]]; also see [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism/389 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism-part-2/415 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/stuck-in-reverse/2539 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/cross-platform-chromosomes/1309 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-in-la/912 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/she-said-he-said/1022 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/like-comic-book-guy-except-much-prettier/523 here]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/with-thought-care-and-testosterone/1517 here]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/battle-of-the-sexists/29228 This woman]] is appalled that a male cleaner is cleaning the women's restroom. However, a female cleaner working in the men's restroom? Just fine by her!
* DoWrongRight: [[http://notalwaysright.com/momma-knows-best/19325 "Now, now, they're not dumb people.]] They're suckers."
* DoYouWantToHaggle: The joke about CloudCuckoolander haggling in the wrong direction is not entirely baseless, as you can see [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-you-bargained-for-part-3/15645 here]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-he-bargained-for/1870 Or here]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/less-is-more-more-or-less/17884 Don't let them fool you, fool yourself first]].
* DramaticallyMissingThePoint: [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-need-for-hazard-pay-part-5/30352 "Oh! Isn't he cute?! He wants to play baseball!"]] A mother says this after her kid ''throws a can of yams at a cashier'' and significantly injures them.
* DudeLooksLikeALady: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-wouldnt-beliebe-it/36202 This shopper]] thinks that Music/JustinBieber is a woman. In line with ''that'' mistake, the shopper additionally thinks his first name is ''Justine''.
* DudeWheresOurCar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/try-explaining-that-to-your-insurance-agent/7819 "That's my car from last year. That's right, that IS where I parked it!"]]
* DumbassHasAPoint: [[http://notalwaysright.com/avoid-a-soft-touch-with-bad-customers/5738 Why would anyone pay $1,500 for a massage chair when they can use it here for free?!]]
** Note how said dumbass is being told to get his ass off the chair for pretty much that exact reason!
* DumbBlonde: Yes, some of [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-bright-side-she-never-gets-brain-freezes/1507 them]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/for-my-next-trick/1470 do]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/next-time-less-hair-more-planning/795 exist]] and they are giving the natural blondes a bad name.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/makes-you-want-to-dye-a-little-part-2/8708 "Oh, I’m not looking for a colorist! Just someone who knows how to cut blonde hair"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-hitchhikers-guide-to-diplomacy/28720 Subverted here]]. A male customer clearly thinks this of a female customer, thinking she's a ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' fan. However, she's clearly well-read, quoting Creator/GeorgeOrwell[='s=] ''Literature/NineteenEightyFour'', and capping off with a quote from Creator/DouglasAdams.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:E]]
* {{Eagleland}}: Some customers are more AMERICA! than ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''. Examples [[http://notalwaysright.com/personally-i-prefer-stars-and-polkadots/1180 here]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-last-parting-shot-part-3/1164 here.]] And those are the milder examples.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/canada-americas-hat-part-6-2/23389 This visitor to a Canadian theme park]] seems to think that VIP lines for Americans exist for some reason.
** Unfortunately for [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-suitable-for-spanish-fly/26555 this couple]], not all Americans are idiots.
* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness:
** For much of the site's early life, only certain stories were tagged by theme (e.g. "Geeks Rule" or "Bigotry"). Nowadays, every story is.
** Many early stories are grab-bags of assorted customer quotes with a common theme, which was gradually phased out in favor of one-shot anecdotes.
** A few early stories are copied verbatim from other sources, most often Rinkworks' [[http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid Computer Stupidities]] or [[http://www.rinkworks.com/said Things People Said]] pages. The site now stresses that any submitted content must be original.
* TheEasyWayOrTheHardWay: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hard-smoker/11050 Saying this doesn't work all that well in real life when you're just a teenager.]]
* ElvisHasLeftThePlanet: [[http://notalwaysright.com/vivacious-las-vegas/3158 And gone to Vegas, apparently.]]
* EndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt: Which means [[http://notalwaysright.com/wasteland-not-want-not/25328 warranties will be worthless]].
* EngagingConversation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/4597 Here]]; also counts as a GeekyTurnOn.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-about-some-dessert-instead/3772 "How About Some Dessert Instead".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dreams-really-do-fall-through/1907 You don't even have to know them.]]
* EnhanceButton: [[http://notalwaysright.com/forensics-for-dummies/2301 Customers seem to expect]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/1332 photo labs to have one of these.]]
* EntitledBastard: Arguably the most common trait of customers in these stories. If even a fraction of them are factual, there is a depressingly large number of customers convinced that rules and laws (even natural ones) don't apply to them. A very common variant is customers demanding that they get something entirely free of charge if even ''one inconsequential thing'' goes wrong in the process of purchasing it (or sometimes even when it doesn't). Add stores where there actually are discounts extended to employees or through some other metric that very few people can apply for and things turn sour very quickly.
* EpicFail: Some people go above and beyond mere eccentric or obnoxious behaviour to true failure:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/1490 The woman]] who tells her boyfriend he'll be [[ExiledToTheCouch sleeping on the couch]], but they don't actually live together. That's just the start of a downward spiral; it leads to the boyfriend and the cashier getting engaged.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-expensive-temper-tantrum-part-2/478 Ignore advice]] in the cellphone shop, try to get a large bill cancelled, get angry and end up with ''much larger'' bills.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-never-hurts-to-ask-and-ask-and-ask-part-2/23127 Two underage teenagers]] try to buy cigarettes, but are obviously turned down. After trying to fool the cashier with a learner's permit (which has expired, has no picture on it, ''and'' clearly proves they're underage), they beg someone else to buy them cigarettes... a ''uniformed police officer'', to be specific. Luckily, they gave up after that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youre-just-spin-cycling-your-wheels/13119 This man]] uses a car wash to ''wash his clothes'', and demands a refund when it doesn't work! Using a service to do something it was never meant to do, and then complaining when it doesn't do that thing... way to go, guy.
** Even worse is [[http://notalwaysright.com/clean-out-of-common-sense/35705 this woman]]: upon having the concept of defragging her computer explained as "basically cleaning up your computer," she comes to the conclusion that this means ''put the thing in the dishwasher''.
** The stories filed under [[http://notalwaysright.com/category/cant-be-that-stupid "extra stupid"]] tend to fall under this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-real-government-would-take-your-money/32347 A scammer]] claims to be part of the government. For some reason, they called a government-operated center to attempt this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/31280 This drunk man]] hits on a girl at a bar. She's already married. He says he could probably beat up her man. She smiles and doesn't disagree with the drunk, but when he tries it, ''[[ActionGirl she]]'' floors him. Drunk gets up and asks the bartender to throw the woman and her husband out, and when the bartender refuses, the drunk claims to be the owner's brother...whereupon [[BecauseImJonesy the bartender reveals that she's also the owner]] and that while she doesn't have a brother, ''that woman he was just harassing and got punched out by is her little sister.'' And the cherry on top? He was finally thrown out by the bouncer a.k.a. '''husband of the bartender!''' Epic fail times four!
* EskimosArentReal:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-one-of-historys-mysteries/7038 Native Americans]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/watashi-whaaa/7331 Japan]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-one-horned-fabulous-purple-people-lover/23261 Gay people]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-school-dropouts-work-on-the-pharm/5783 Pharmacists]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/un-beaver-able/3859 Beavers]].
* EskimoLand: [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones/1035 Some]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones-part-2/24011 tourists]] seem to think Canada is this. Most Canadians just [[SureLetsGoWithThat play along to get the ignorant customer out of there.]]
* EspeciallyZoidberg: [[http://notalwaysright.com/time-to-start-screening-the-tourists/23399 Here]]
-->'''Customer:''' Can I buy some spray paint to get high on?\\
'''Cashier:''' No, sir. That is illegal.\\
'''Customer:''' Even during Sundance?\\
'''Cashier:''' Especially during Sundance!\\
'''Customer:''' Buzzkill! ''[walks out]''
** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-strung-at-heart/23220 here]]:
--> '''Elderly customer referring to another customer throwing a childish tantrum:''' If that were my daughter I'd slap her!\\
'''Cashier:''' Even at her age?\\
'''Customer:''' ''Especially'' at her age.
* EverythingsBetterWithDinosaurs: [[http://notalwaysright.com/watch-out-for-the-pansysaurus/17244 Watch Out For The Pansysaurus!]]
* EverythingIsRacist:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-politically-proper-placement-of-puzzles/1529 Puzzles]] are SeriousBusiness.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-jean-debate/20247 These jeans are "straight leg". Does that mean that these are not gay-friendly?!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/anti-bigotry-bigotry/36245 "Moral of the story: Don't assume that everything you see is a hate crime!"]]
* EvilBrit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/accentuating-the-problem/8851 This woman]] seems to believe that terrorists can instantly adopt British accents if needed.
* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin:
** A concept that seems to escape [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-let-these-questions-be-rhetorical-part-2/2040 some]] customers.
** And others [[http://notalwaysright.com/lactose-and-intolerant/29899 expect this trope]] to an unhealthy extent.
* ExactWords: But I ''didn't'' damage the pans with a ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/when-non-stick-causes-friction/6328 hammer and chisel!]]''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/31280 “I didn’t say I’d hurt you.”]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/immersed-in-his-complaint/11844 This customer]] interprets "you have 90 days to return it with the receipt as long as the tags are still attached" to mean "even if you wear them in the pool with the tags still on, we can return them". Then he tries to argue that he didn't take them into the pool, despite said tags being mostly disintegrated with pool water and the trunks smelling of chlorine.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-careful-what-you-ask-for-part-3/1316 "I want a small popcorn,]] and don’t try to upsell me a medium!" "Can I interest you in a large then?"
* ExiledToTheCouch: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/1490 This woman]] tries to exile her boyfriend to the couch after he takes the side of a shop assistant over her. It doesn't quite work out... not least because they don't actually live in the same house. Hard to believe, but it actually gets ''worse'' for her from that point.
* ExtremeOmnivore: [[http://notalwaysright.com/eating-disorderly/7978 Mmm, tickets.]]
* EyeScream: A customer assumes a clerk's eyepatch is a fashion statement. [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-eye-for-an-eyepatch/21867 She is quite wrong.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:F]]
* FacePalm: Frequently a response of the staff in these stories.
* FailedASpotCheck: The only explanation for [[http://notalwaysright.com/ahh-youth/302 these]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/suddenly-i-feel-very-sorry-for-her-child/306 examples]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-twilight-of-our-literacy-part-9/16944 And here]], we have a [[UpToEleven critical failure]].
** Normally, seeing a man walk out of a store, gun in hand, would be cause for concern. [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-jumped-the-gun/28285 But not in this case]] -- it's a ''gun'' store.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/your-bigotry-is-kilting-me/22326 Bigotry misplaced is bigotry mocked.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lack-of-register-does-not-register/30520 This woman]] somehow managed to miss that the register was dismantled, the screen was off, and the three signs saying it was out of order. And when told it was undergoing maintenance, she accused the manager at it of being lazy. Especially amusing, given how much the manager had just assumed [[WhoWouldBeStupidEnough no-one would be stupid enough to do so]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/signed-his-own-fate/34614 This guy]], upon learning that a store is unable to accept credit or debit cards at the time, tries to claim that "y'all need to have signs up for that". As the cashier points out, there are no less than ''three'' such signs, including one right in his face, that he is failing to notice.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/quite-a-climb-to-get-to-the-answer/39352 This guy]] tries to enter a gym, but is unable to because the doors are locked. There is a sign on the door stating they are closed for a week for renovations, and he can clearly see people inside repainting the walls. He still calls their number and has to ''ask them'' if they're open.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/saving-souls-and-money/31030 This customer]] fell for a string of InsaneTrollLogic about the clerk being ginger and therefore [[ItMakesSenseInContext immune to having their soul devoured for not giving the customer a discount]]. The clerk in question is blond.
* FakeOutMakeOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fake-it-til-you-make-it/17912 That was fast]].
* FakeStatic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-ex-static-about-donating/33997 “You’re breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!”]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-landlines-tangled/7590 This customer]] tries the "you're breaking up" variant… on a ''land line''.
* FantasticRacism: [[http://notalwaysright.com/ired-by-shire-attire/2241 Allowing hobbits to buy clothes? Outrageous.]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/overlord-px53a-z-is-not-pleased/119 I hate robots]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-skynet-annihilated-mankind-vol-1/1514 "F***ing cyborgs!"]] Okay, [[http://notalwaysright.com/sass-subtle-artificial-sassy-server/15491 maybe this hunk of metal isn't that bad]].
*** They are onto us. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-call-has-been-terminated/8414 Beep!]] Though honestly, doesn't [[http://notalwaysright.com/aisle-be-watching-you/5171 the same site]] make you wonder?...
*** Now cyborgs [[http://notalwaysright.com/human-interaction-is-for-slackers/17748 also]] distrust [[http://notalwaysright.com/thank-you-for-calling-planet-of-the-apes/2236 them human living persons]].
** There are also numerous stories where customers have somehow got it into their heads that the people who work at stores [[http://notalwaysright.com/off-the-clock-customer-block/6651 are not "real" or "normal" people]], and subsequently become very offended when those workers turn out to have lives beyond taking verbal abuse from ungrateful customers all day.
* FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence: [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabled-but-not-disarmed/38538 This customer]] believes that another customer, quietly reading a book and drinking her coffee, is "offending" and "abusing" him simply by virtue of requiring a walking stick.
* FelonyMisdemeanor: [[http://notalwaysright.com/almost-as-bad-as-the-large-hadron-collider/1236 "YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/post-dramatic/5944 The pain! It never ends.]]
* FemaleGaze: [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/5928 Completely Immersed In The Lesson]], evidently.
* {{Fetish}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/eggs-milk-bondage-gear/1453 "Just getting the necessities, y'know?"]] May also qualify as BreadEggsMilkSquick.
* FluffyTamer: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-owners-unleashed/11559 Deconstructed.]]
* FreeRangeChildren: Exposed to dangers of anisotropic continuum. 8 years old [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-as-i-say-not-as-i-play/6128 walking without a guard from the cashier to arcade]]: FelonyMisdemeanor. Same kid, walking without a guard from the arcade to the cashier in the first place: okay.
* FrenchMaidOutfit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-man-maid-fantasies/35702 “Are you wearing a maid’s outfit?”]] “I can bet money that it’s not the outfit you are mentally picturing right now, sir.”
* FreudianSlip: These [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-all-the-moments-for-freud-to-slip/164 two]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-birds-and-the-bees-talk-illustrated/367 customers]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-planet-after-hours/4420 That's not a textbook.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yes-its-for-my-longmower/806 "It's For My Longmower"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/night-of-the-loving-dead/2533 "I think I'm a necrophiliac."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-freudian-slips-lesbian-lips/14010 "Just make sure you drink lots of women".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/similar-tool-different-outcome/14990 "Is it just me or did it sound like she was asking for?.."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/phones-have-needs-too/14962 The Naughtyphone]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lost-in-no-translation-part-3/15531 Distracted]]. So [[DistractedByTheSexy distracted]].
** A particularly awesome example [[http://notalwaysright.com/space-time-is-money/30625 here]].
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-slippage/223 March of the Penises]]".
* FriendlyLocalChinatown: Defied. [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-some-confucian-about-where-he-is/31250 This tourist]] doesn't seem to understand that there are no "Chinatowns" in China itself.
* FriendToAllChildren: [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/21708 This store]].
* FriendToAllLivingThings: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-no-challenge-tarzan/1804 This guy]].
* FrivolousLawsuit: Almost every lawsuit threatened in any story here, really.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-gonna-need-a-huge-courtroom/1295 This guy]] wants to sue a town, not the town government, but the town itself and everyone in it. By the look of things, he appeared to be under the impression that "Boise Idaho" (without a comma) was a company and not a town.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-the-best-actor-of-the-bunch/32334 This guy]], every year, goes to a family's haunted house, comes out bruised, and sues them for it, never winning from a lack of evidence but wasting a lot of their money nonetheless. He eventually gets his when they install security cameras and catch him injuring himself - his case is immediately thrown out with that evidence, and the family promptly counter-sues him for three times what he wanted from them, making back nearly every penny they had lost fighting his lawsuits.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-slipping-on-the-truth/34192 This elderly lady]] blatantly pretends to have slipped on something wet and threatens to contact her lawyer - after basically proving she made it up, by trying to "recreate" the incident by making movements she could not possibly have done if she were actually injured. Because of this and the presence of security cameras, the manager gives her the store's information in the hopes that she goes through with the lawsuit so he can then get her put in jail over it.
* ForInconveniencePressOne: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-the-only-thing-in-need-of-maintenance/8820 As imitated through a drive thru intercom.]]
* FromBadToWorse: [[http://notalwaysright.com/welcome-to-retail-part-3/1228 This poor worker]]. A lady buys $40 of various brands of cat food, and refuses to help the cashier load it up. Then she pays entirely in change. ''Then'' she drops the cans all over the parking lot when she realizes that she actually meant to buy dog food.
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/vocabulary-meet-veracity/1937 Dammit Julia!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/kids-say-the-est-things/14518 Isn't he just precious?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/age-is-but-a-number/15184 It's about grandma!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/every-bird-and-bees-worst-nightmare/13469 How not to answer a question.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-part-2/5769 "...my mom said everyone who works at [supermarket] is either old or simple."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/teach-them-the-ways-of-the-dark-ale-side/31643 "Mummy is going to the bar and getting pissed!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/baby-talk-to-make-you-balk/32616 That lady got a fat a**!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/children-can-man-age-to-listen/39043 Mommy, stop being stupid!]]
* FurryFandom: Kinda feel sorry for [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-unfantastic-mr-fox/5565 this fellow]].
** Possibly [[http://notalwaysright.com/customers-come-in-all-stripes/18152 this person.]]
[[/folder]]