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(you are here) | [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesGToL Tropes G to L]] | [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesMToT Tropes M to T]] | [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesUToZ Tropes U to Z]]

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[[folder:A]]
* AbominationAccusationAttack:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/harry-potter-and-the-deathly-embarrassments/ Here's a woman]] going totally overboard with this trope as she visits the movies and decides that she owns the place and has the right to deny random strangers the seats they have bought, all in the name of ThinkOfTheChildren - accusing two random young women of being potential child molesters and thus disqualified from being treated with basic human respect.
** In another instance, [[http://notalwaysright.com/blowing-things-out-and-up-of-proportion/ this father]] for no noticeable reason accuses a middle-schooler of stealing books from a library (said middle schooler was a volunteer and clearly checking books ''in''). After futilely trying to convince people of his wild insinuation, he then calls the cops and claims the middle-schooler ''set a bomb'' with ''no'' proof whatsoever, as if he felt like framing her out of the blue. Good thing his daughter had a conscience and set the whole thing straight (and ended up getting the father arrested for wasting police time and money just to be a dick to a stranger).
** In [[http://notalwaysright.com/carting-her-off-to-justice Carting Her Off to Justice]], a man is accused of being a kidnapper by a woman after he stops a cart with her kid inside from rolling away. She goes as far as to call the police on him, and he's nearly arrested. Luckily, just about every other customer nearby confirmed his side of the story, and the woman is arrested for abandoning and endangering a minor.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/breast-to-just-let-it-run-its-course/ Breast to Just Let It Run Its Course]], a woman accuses the male submitter of rape when he sees the woman wearing a bra in a woman's clothing store. The flaw is that she stepped out of the dressing room and ''asked'' him how she looked without realizing that the submitter was male. She stands by this story when the police come and insists that [[TheyJustDontGetIt the submitter raped her even though he did not enter the dressing room or approach her in any way.]] This, combined with the fact that the submitter was quiet and cooperative, meant that [[LaserGuidedKarma the woman was kicked out of the store, and arrested when she refused.]]
* AbusiveParents:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/gives-new-meaning-to-family-tree/ "That's not true. My mommy and daddy tie me to trees when they get mad."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-take-the-heat-no-daughter-of-mine/ Not caring when your daughter's hands are being burned]] would count, too.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/annoying-pneumonia/ This mother]] ignored her son's shortness of breath and chest pains for 5 days because she thought he was "just looking for attention".
*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-parenting-just-hit-the-motherlode/ This mother]] too ignored a store paging her to go to her daughter out in the parking lot for half an hour, because she assumed a ''massive nosebleed'' was likewise just an attempt to get attention. Worse, this is apparently a frequent occurrence.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/went-on-a-jurassic-lark/ And we have this mother]] who was called by a museum and immediately blasts them for not reminding her to take her coat that she left behind. The only reason the museum was calling in the first place was because she also forgot her young son there. The worse part, this was after ''at least three hours'' and a trip across South Dakota.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/suddenly-parenting-goes-out-the-window/ This mother]], after accidentally locking her one-month-old child and her keys inside her car, actually tries to prevent a police officer from rescuing said child, because the only way to get in involves smashing a window.
* AccentuateTheNegative: Reading the site, it could be easy to forget the 90% of customers who don't cause any kind of trouble exist at all. The staff are aware of this and actually put a disclaimer on their [[https://notalwaysright.com/8-reasons-why-dealing-with-customers-is-worse-than-a-zombie-apocalypse/ zombie comic]], acknowledging that a majority of customers are polite and kind.
* AcceptableProfessionalTargets:[[invoked]] Some of the people have the mindset that retail workers are somehow beneath them, and that gives them the right to be blatantly rude, or worse yet, attack the workers.
** Particularly the thieves in [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-man-with-a-van-and-a-very-bad-plan/ this story]], who believed that it was safe to use a company van as a getaway vehicle, as they thought retail employees were all illiterate.
* AccidentalInnuendo: Many times.[[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/honey-you-dont-know-the-half-of-it/ I'm not a bottom man!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/unintended-entendres/ I don't think I have ever seen such a nice rack!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/ Oh! I didn't recognize you with clothes on!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-what-she-said/ I'll just hold it open as wide as I can and you shove it in there.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-sizes-are-xxx/ Just thinking about S and M.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-touching-gift/ I touch my granddaughter.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/gravity-the-universal-mood-killer/ I canít even get it up anymore!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/gravity-the-universal-mood-killer-part-3/ I can't get it to stay up!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/oh-dear-god-its-growing-bigger/ ...and what size is your]] [[Film/ArmyOfDarkness boomstick, sir?]]
* AcronymConfusion: [[http://notalwaysright.com/failed-the-geek-test/ This customer]] is looking for the HOBET--the Health Occupational Basics Entrance Test. Unfortunately, the customer isn't specific enough, and as a result [[WhosOnFirst the bookstore workers think]] the customer is looking for ''Literature/TheHobbit'', which [[PopculturalOsmosisFailure the customer doesn't seem to have heard of]].
* AchievementsInIgnorance: [[http://notalwaysright.com/catcher-in-the-sky/ This guy at a pet store]] was trying to buy ''a wild bird that he caught outside, thinking it was a display''.
* ActuallyPrettyFunny: Occasionally, a prank on a telemarketer will get the telemarketer laughing. Such as when [[http://notalwaysright.com/sends-you-a-kiss-by-wire/ this customer]] goes all [[WesternAnimation/OneFroggyEvening Michigan J. Frog]] on the telemarketer.
* AddedAlliterativeAppeal: Used in the titles of many stories on the site, such as "[[http://notalwaysright.com/ruh-roh-retroactive-rewards-rage/ Ruh Roh, Retroactive Rewards Rage]]", "[[http://notalwaysright.com/posted-picky-procrastinator-prefers-plethora-of-paraphrenalia/ Posted: Picky Procrastinator Prefers Plethora of Paraphernalia]]", and "[[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-pickles-before-people-will-put-you-in-a-pickle/ Putting Pickles Before People will Put You In A Pickle]]".
* AdorablyPrecociousChild:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/counting-and-discounting/ This miniature mathematician]]. Even more so since he showed up right after a man who didn't understand the difference between percents and dollars.
** Meanwhile, [[http://notalwaysright.com/pint-sized-theatrics/ this youngster]] has [[Theatre/ManOfLaMancha remarkably mature taste in theatre]].
* AggressiveCategorism:
** One of the annoying customers doesn't like the music. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-strange-kind-of-woman-needs-to-hush/ She puts the blame]] for this on teenagers and their modern tasteless music... in spite of the music ''and'' the people playing it being older than her!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/count-on-a-teenager/ This grocery store customer]] assumes that teenagers can't do math without calculators. The best part is that the teenager she asked to do some calculations got the answer right, both with and without a calculator.
* AirGuitar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/invisible-incentive/ This customer]] is disappointed their CD doesn't actually come with one like the ad said.
* AllAsiansKnowMartialArts: Exploited by a Chinese kid and a Chinese vendor [[http://notalwaysright.com/crouching-tiger-hidden-powers/ here]]. Not only that, it's SupernaturalMartialArts.
* AllMenArePerverts: ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/ This]] story has a woman trying to use IHaveBoobsYouMustObey, and failing [[EpicFail hard]] due to the guy being gay.
* AllWomenAreLustful: [[http://notalwaysright.com/sadly-this-amounts-to-a-sex-life/ Who actually cares about the sexual content of a zombie film?]] At least one person, who declared "We're seeing this!" when informed the movie contained male nudity.
* AluminumChristmasTrees: [[http://notalwaysright.com/rufus-is-stranger-than-fiction/ I thought]] hairless rats were only on ''WesternAnimation/KimPossible''!
* AlwaysChaoticEvil:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-pho-so-crazy/ The man in this story]] seems to think that the whole point of UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar was to eradicate the Vietnamese people, and that Americans are conditioned and/or legally required to kill any survivors, even if they're on foreign soil.
** Then there's [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-room-has-been-talibanned/ people like this]], who think "follower of Islam" and "Taliban extremist" are always one and the same.
* AmbiguousGender: In several stories, the gender of the customer/employee/whatever isn't stated until halfway through. Sometimes, it isn't stated at all.
* AmbiguousSyntax: [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-disservice Self-Disservice]] is a case of a LiteralMinded customer seeing a sign stating "Employees must wash hands", and waiting in the restroom for an employee to wash her hands for her.
* AmbulanceChaser: Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-turns-out-you-can-be-too-safe/ here]], with a man calling his lawyer ''before'' calling an ambulance.
* AndADietCoke:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/deeply-fried-and-deeply-mistaken/ "You see, my grandkids love it when I make deep-fried Oreos, and I wanted to get the sugar-free kind because theyíre healthier to deep-fry than the regular kind."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-lie-to-yourself-diet/ This customer]] orders a veggie pizza because she's on a diet... but then asks them to hold all the actual vegetarian ingredients and add various meats. The employee just rings it up as a meats pizza with tomatoes, without telling her, because that's what it actually is.
* AnimationAgeGhetto: [[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-6/ A customer giving grief to another one]] because he's a young adult buying a ''Franchise/{{Pokemon}}'' game. But her buying ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoV'' [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotForKids for her nine-year-old kid is perfectly fine]] (at least until the kid drops an F-bomb).[[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/situation-goes-south-park-very-quickly Situation Goes South (Park) Very Quickly]] has a mother taking her son to see ''WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut'', is told by the employee that it's NOT made for kids as it's filled with swearing, offensive humor and general themes not appropriate for kids, and completely ignores him because it's a cartoon, therefore it's for kids. And, of course, [[NeverMyFault she then places the blame on the employee]] when it turns out she was wrong and her five-year-old son starts calling her an "uncle fucker" while screaming that he wants to keep watching.
** Inverted by [[http://notalwaysright.com/under-the-n-sea-17/ this customer]], who is under the impression that ''WesternAnimation/TheLittleMermaid'', of all things, is pornography.
* ApologeticAttacker: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-too-late-or-early-to-apologize/ This customer]] apologizes in advance to a worker because she had a bad day and needs to vent it via imprecations. The kicker? She was still one of the most polite customers that day.
* AprilFoolsDay:
** On April 1, 2015, the site posted an image and several stories having to do with zombies. The sister sites did much the same.
** On April 1, 2016, the site and its sister sites (with the exception of Not Always Hopeless) had fake posts set in the Franchise/StarWars universe.
* AristocratsAreEvil: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-a-people-person-3/84139/ This person]] is so rude and bossy to the staff, they've taken to calling her "Her Royal Highness."
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-3/ This customer]] doesn't object to the violence and hooker-murdering in ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAuto''... but heaven forbid her child be exposed to ''bad language''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/history-deep-pans-out/ A Native Canadian]] wondering why two different types of pizza cost the same when one has fewer toppings: "Your people come here, give diseases, kill us all, steal our land, put our children in residential schools, and now this!"
* ArtisticLicenseBiology: Many stories feature people who just don't quite get how nature works.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bloody-stupid/ Chickens don't bleed!]] But [[http://notalwaysright.com/free-derange/ can read]] -- why not, if even [[http://notalwaysright.com/stupid-customers-come-with-a-sign/ turtles]] do?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/udderly-ridiculous/ "No thanks, I'm trying to become a vegetarian and eggs come from cows."]] -- right, those [[http://notalwaysright.com/attack-of-the-cownivores/ carnivorous]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-cow-goes-moy/ soy]] cows.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-flippers-attack/ "That's a dolphin, dear. It eats people."]] And maybe [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-swim-upriver-to-mate/ swims upriver to mate like other whales]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-whale-of-a-story-2/ All the way to Salt Lake, Utah, US]] (and from there, back to Hollywood). [[http://notalwaysright.com/tall-tail-tales/ Without tails]]. Then [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-whale-of-a-story/ lay eggs]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/tricky-customers-are-just-killer-part-2/ come right out of the water and steal children]].
** Beware of [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained-part-3/ cockatiel]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/got-the-bird-but-no-bees-here/ ostrich]] hatching basilisks. And [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-from-a-reptile-dysfunction/ fire-breathing insectile bearded dragons]].
** Even if you hide extra appendages under your clothes you may still [[http://notalwaysright.com/bilateral-symmetry-meets-botched-schooling/ fail]] to uphold the {{Masquerade}}.
** Flying [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained-part-4/ penguins]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-a-dog-gone-fact/ Male dogs getting]] [[MisterSeahorse pregnant]]?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youve-got-to-be-kitten-part-2/ This customer]] thinks that a ''male'' cat can nurse a litter of orphaned kittens. Thankfully, the vet hospital recommends a cat foster program.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/mouse-to-mouse-resuscitation/ This customer]] apparently thinks that hamsters are aquatic.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/boy-what-a-problem/ This customer]] insists the dog being brought into the vet for a physical is female, "because that's what I paid for" despite the fact that the dog has a penis and testes, calling those "an ambilical [sic] hernia."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-just-a-pet-hate/ The one where]] a woman bringing her pet to be spayed insists that the clinic ''should not use anesthesia'' and instead simply hold down the poor animal while the reproductive organs are surgically removed... because she was awake for her C-section, and that's the same thing, isn't it?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-mess-moose/ When do the deer turn into moose?]]
* ArtisticLicenseEconomics: Any entry titled "This Is Why We're In A Recession". There are over ''fifty'' entries of the sort, as well as one called "This Is Why We're In A Recession, Literally" - [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-literally/ which, true to the title, states the exact reason for the recession]].
* ArtisticLicenseGeography:
** Many customers assume that WeAllLiveInAmerica, or even appear to be unaware that other countries exist. [[http://notalwaysright.com/out-of-state-out-of-mind/ "But... isn't Europe part of the US?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/lone-star-state-one-country-state-of-mind/ This woman]] believes that since Ohio isn't in Austin (Texas), it must be overseas.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yukon-see-it-on-a-map-part-2/ This guy seems to be under the impression that Illinois is a Canadian province.]]
** Quite a few stories involve Americans across the border in Canada who are a bit surprised to learn that it isn't ''exactly'' like home.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-all-dutch-to-me/ This]] guy, on the other hand, manages to make the distinction between Canada and the US. But not between Canada and the Netherlands.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/canada-americas-hat-part-7/ CANADA IS PART OF THE UNITED STATES; YOUíRE ALL JUST IN DENIAL!]]" Bizarrely, the person making ''this'' claim is ''not'' from the U.S., nor even Canada, but ''New Zealand''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/french-disconnection/ This ignorant traveler]] makes the assumption that since a travel brochure for visiting Quebec was in English, that means it and the rest of Canada are part of America and the people there should be speaking "American" at all times, [[ItsAllAboutMe solely for his convenience]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-in-rome-or-spain/ This tourist]] complains that all the road signs are in Spanish instead of English. The customer service person replies, "We are in Spain, sir. Spanish is our official language."
** What travel is better -- [[http://notalwaysright.com/here-today-gone-to-maui-2/ a train to Hawaii]] or a boat [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-have-a-sinking-feeling/ to Atlantis]]?
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/watashi-whaaa/ You mean Japan's a real place?!]]" And even [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-in-ermurica/ Australia isn't in the Middle East]].
** In turn, Europeans [[http://notalwaysright.com/giving-the-french-stick/ sometimes fail to understand]] that North America is a ''really big'' place populated mostly by European immigrants who may be even more into imitation than the rest of humanity.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/asia-itll-amaze-ya/ "Oh yeah, I remember now. Vietnam is that little island next to Korea!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-whale-of-a-story-2/ Who cares if Utah is landlocked]]; taunting an officer of the law about whaling is WRONG, according to this eavesdropping customer.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/asia-itll-amaze-ya-part-2/ This person]] thinks all of Asia is a single country.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/inferior-knowledge-on-lake-superior/ This person]] thinks the Great Lakes are divided into the Great Lakes of Canada, and the Great Lakes of America, and that national borders can't run through lakes.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-vocation-for-location-part-9/ "France ain't in Europe! It's just across the Channel!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/out-of-state-out-of-mind-part-2/ This Ohio woman]] is convinced she actually lives in Iowa.
* ArtisticLicenseGunSafety: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-personal-lack-of-gun-control/ The customer in this story]] doesn't realise that most guns store one bullet in the chamber, and when the submitter asks him to check the chamber, he condescendingly waggles the magazine in her face and, [[StayInTheKitchen thinking the submitter knows nothing about guns simply because they're a "man thing"]] after she explains ''why'' she wants him to check the chamber, asks for a male clerk in the mistaken belief that a fellow man will back him up. Of course, said male clerk, the submitter's manager, takes her side even before successfully firing the allegedly safe gun at a wall.
* ArtisticLicenseHistory:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-pho-so-crazy/ This guy on Vietnam.]] Remember that war in the 1960s where the US killed every single Vietnamese person? He does.
** ''Of course'' it's not actual live footage of the siege of 1216. Because ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/lack-of-grey-matter-part-3/ they only had black and white video back then]]''.
** According to [[https://notalwaysright.com/has-no-propensity-for-history/ this tourist]], national parks and monuments existed before the US Civil War's battles.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/snakes-like-to-vegetate-after-a-meal/ These women]] believe that snakes were only discovered 300 years ago, during the time of Abraham Lincoln.
* ArtisticLicenseLaw: Some customers start threatening lawsuits at the drop of a hat and, usually, under the most feeble of pretexts. [[http://notalwaysright.com/wearing-law-suits-will-get-you-law-suits/ Sometimes, just wearing a suit will make people think you're a lawyer]].
* ArtisticLicenseLinguistics:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yo-hablo-deutschpanol/ "I had Spanish in high school, and all I remember is 'Auf wiedersehen'!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/inde-fence-ible-behavior/ This customer can't tell the difference between Spanish and French. Also throws in some racist douchebaggery for good measure.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-first-and-true-language-of-america/ This guy]] seems to think "Mexican" is a language. Also, even a casual listener can tell the difference between Navajo and Spanish.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/e-pluribus-dumbum-2/ E pluribus unum]] does ''not'' translate as "In God we trust".[[note]]Unfortunately, the viewpoint character gets another fact wrong; "E pluribus unum" is not the national motto of the U.S., and has not been since 1956; the current motto is--wait for it--"[[{{Irony}} In God we trust]]".[[/note]]
* ArtisticLicenseMusic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/songs-in-the-key-of-clueless/ This customer]], who can't tell a saxophone from a violin, and doesn't seem to know the meaning of the word "instrument".
* ArtisticLicensePhysics:
** Can you [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/ turn the photo around]] so I can see [[http://notalwaysright.com/magic-ink/ that guy's face?]]
** Maybe it will weigh less [[http://notalwaysright.com/special-sale-half-price-gravity/ tomorrow]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/water-you-dense/ This customer]] specifically wanted a soda with ice on the bottom. Naturally, the request was impossible to fulfill.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-yam-not-impressed/ Potatoes will bruise apples]], even when the apples are above them. Lettuce on top is fair game, though.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-recognize-the-gravity-of-her-statement/ This customer]] thinks items weigh more when scrunched up than when they're looser. To compound her mistake, she uses the analogy of a ball of yarn weighing more when it's soaked in water than otherwise; while this is true, it's ''not'' because the water causes it to compact better, but because the weight of the water is added to the weight of the yarn.
* AsbestosFreeCereal: [[https://notalwaysright.com/wants-salt-earth/ "Organic" baking soda]] falls into this category, ''at best''.
* TheAtoner:
** A customer comes to a store to [[http://notalwaysright.com/stealers-remorse/ confess to having stolen some merchandise]] and offer to pay for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/alls-well-that-bookends-well/ This couple]] does their same, to show their kid to fix errors in life.
* AttentionWhore: Or what's the point of [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-style-no-substance/ getting that hairstyle]] if nobody tells you how amazing it is...
* AuthenticationByNewspaper: Used to foil a scammer [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-commit-the-crime-if-you-cant-tell-time/ here]].
* AutoErotica: A {{Malaproper}} gives this kind of impression, to the horror of the manager: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-just-your-car-needs-cleaning/ I just really need to get my car sodomized.]]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:B]]
* BadBoss:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism-part-4/ This]] [[SarcasmMode genius]] manager, who ended up firing his (female) worker for ''[[WhatAnIdiot his]]'' mistake.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-order-in-disorder/ This customer]] orders one item at a drive-thru, is asked if that will be everything and ''says yes'', then whines when the cashier politely asks him to continue his order at the till if he wants to add more items. He promptly complains to the manager, who apparently takes every claim he made at face value and threatens to fire the submitter for their nonexistent "bad attitude".
** Website/NotAlwaysWorking is, in part, dedicated to examples of terrible bosses.
* BadLiar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-telling-a-shaggy-dog-story/ This doctor]] was ''way'' too eager to try to throw off the stop setter, seeing how all the sentences contradict each other. Not to mention that the stop setter [[INeverSaidItWasPoison hadn't actually gotten around to mentioning the dogs yet.]]
* BadassAdorable: Anytime [[WiseBeyondTheirYears a young child]] sets an adult (who should know better) straight or comes to someone's rescue. [[http://notalwaysright.com/respect-your-zombie-elders/ Such as this one.]]
* BadassGrandma:
** What's an angry mother weak against? [[http://notalwaysright.com/grannies-gotta-love-em/ Her own mother, of course.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-lol-in-little-old-lady/ Grannies sure like putting down abusive customers.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t-part-2/ And negligent ones]].
* BadassGrandpa:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-grandpa-ever/ Tackling a shoplifter, grandpa style.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/admitting-defeat-was-an-easy-thing-touche/ Don't mess with a master fencer]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-strongest-generation/ This one]] takes on some thugs trying to rob his grandson.
* BadassTeacher: [[http://notalwaysright.com/low-on-the-milk-of-human-kindness/ This editor's wife.]] Primary school trainer and judo master all in one? Why not?
* BaitAndSwitch: A narrator-based example [[http://notalwaysright.com/going-off-the-deep-end/ here]]. A lifeguard disciplines some kids who are acting up, and the girl yells that she's going to tell her father. True to her word, the father comes up, described as "rather large and intimidating". You might expect him to yell at the lifeguard something like "how ''dare'' you talk to my little girl like that"... but nope, he just apologizes for his daughter's behavior, and furthermore tells the head lifeguard about the whole thing, which results in an official commendation for the lifeguard.
* BasedOnAGreatBigLie: At least, this is what you hope about some of the entries; but [[PoesLaw it's impossible to know exactly how many are fakes]].
* {{Beat}}: Sometimes precedes a customer realizing his or her own stupidity. [[http://notalwaysright.com/nonplussed-customers/ For example, after failing primary school level math problems.]]
* BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/convicted-by-his-convictions/ A man in full prayer garb]] refuses to pay for the pornographic television on his hotel bill. He claims that he flipped to that channel "by accident", despite the bill stating that he watched at least two hours of said porn. He continues to rant that a religious man like him would ''never'' willingly expose himself to such filth, but eventually gives up and angrily throws a wad of money at the receptionist. The next day, the religious man calls back with another complaint, but the receptionist simply says that all pornographic channels are now locked so he will no longer "be exposed to such filth", just like he asked.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-ever-get-the-delivery-right/84214/ This woman demands a full refund]] from a website because they "lied to her" and "are an unethical company" ... [[InsaneTrollLogic because they sent her an email stating that they were able to get the delivery done two days]] ''[[InsaneTrollLogic early.]]'' The woman not only demands a refund, but states that she ''does'' want the delivery early, and that she doesn't want to give it back in any way. When the submitter refuses (since the submitter notes that the woman has given no reason to give a refund and that the call is being recorded, preventing any dispute from the bank), the caller hangs up and then calls back ''29 times'' to get the submitter fired. The company gives her the refund, and then [[LaserGuidedKarma redirects the order back to them, blocks her account, address, credit card number, phone number, and IP address from being able to order from the system, and bans her from the site.]]
* BeethovenWasAnAlienSpy: ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/being-the-president-sucks/ Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter]]''. Ask in the nearest bookstore. In the history section. [[http://notalwaysright.com/s-h-i-e-l-d-me-from-this-stupidity/ Also]], the role of ComicBook/CaptainAmerica in UsefulNotes/WorldWarII is sadly understated.
** Franchise/{{Batman}} [[http://notalwaysright.com/holy-smoky-mountains-batman/ hides out in Tennessee these days]]. Thankfully, this came from a child.[[note]]The [=BellSouth=] HQ building in Nashville has two pointed spires which has made the locals give it the moniker of "the Batman building"; this may be what he's referring to.[[/note]]
* BeliefMakesYouStupid: ''Tons'' of people who would give even Pat Robertson a run for his money in the sheer insanity department, if not the asshole department. Half of them go into FridgeHorror because they are showing signs of dementia and/or Alzheimer's.
** Then there are the more benign, but still insane, ones like [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-fail-conversation-starters/ this person]], who is the polar opposite of a young-earth creationist.
** A [[TheFundamentalist fundamentalist]] alum of a certain college tries her hardest to "justify" the stupidity. [[http://notalwaysright.com/freedom-of-screech/ "You don't need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you."]]
** Those people have nothing on [[http://notalwaysright.com/devil-in-disguise/ this lady]], who, because of her beliefs, winds up falling for a PaperThinDisguise, half of which wasn't even part of the disguise.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-much-between-the-temples/ How about this lady?]] She doesn't seem to understand the point of there being other religions besides Christianity.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/try-adobe-heathenshop/ For this customer]], a "photo converter" apparently means converting "devil worshippers" into Christians.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/likely-not-a-fan-of-spell-checking/ And for this customer]], computer wizards are as vile as "real" wizards are, even if they're only connected by name.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/what-possessed-you-to-do-that/ This person]] bought a toy sword, armor, and shield set for their son, and demanded a refund for it. What happened? The son started playacting like any kid with a toy sword, armor, and shield would do. The customer is convinced that means the toy is possessed, rather than believe that their son was just being normal.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-touchy-subject/ This mother]] believes her son had a seizure, despite the ''son himself'' admitting he was [[ADateWithRosiePalms doing something else]], because "he's a good Christian boy and would never touch himself in such a horrible way". She adamantly demands that he be taken to the ER and the [=EMTs=] present eventually relent. Hope the medical bills and trauma were worth it, lady.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-ten-doctors-versus-the-ten-commandments/ A customer]] believes her church when they say ''Series/DoctorWho'' is evil. Somehow, this entitles her to demand the person watching an episode of the show, on their smartphone, with headphones on, and otherwise minding their own business, to turn it off. Apparently, even with that level of non-disturbance, [[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence she still felt threatened by it]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pent-up-on-pentagrams/ This lady]] somehow can't even tell the difference between a star shape and a pentagram.
** Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/religious-hatred-works-both-ways/ here]], where a customer asks the cashier (who is wearing a small cross necklace) about her religious beliefs, and then goes off about how Christians have "centuries of blood" on their hands and demanding a refund simply because that cashier touched the drink he ordered.
** Played straight VS Averted squares off [[https://notalwaysright.com/our-great-discrimination-part-3-2/80284/ here]], where a lady tries to use religion to discriminate against a man born of an Islamic family (who himself is not even Muslim, but Catholic), who explodes on her with a massive TheReasonYouSuckSpeech. Though the end of the story implies she was just a dime-store bigot using religion as a justification for it, since she later threatens violence against a Japanese exchange student presumably working his way through college ([[LaserGuidedKarma which gets her arrested]]).
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thankful-for-diwali/ This woman]] demands that a store take down signs wishing people a happy Diwali, because apparently acknowledging religious holidays other than the ones she observes is "racist".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-ham-handed-approach-to-religious-sensitivity/ Other religions are starting to get in on the act.]] A woman in clearly Islamic garb walks into a bakery and orders a ''ham and cheese'' sandwich. The cashier, [[GenreSavvy knowing Muslims can't eat pork]] asks her if she is, in fact, a Muslim as ham is made of pork. She flies into a rage and accuses the submitter [[AbominationAccusationAttack of being racist by questioning her religion]] and [[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor demands that he get her the ham sandwich.]] Once she gets the sandwich and bites into it, she brings it back to the cashier [[InsaneTrollLogic demanding that he be fired for giving her the sandwich with pork that she ordered.]] When the manager arrives on the scene, and learns what's going on, she begins shouting at him in Arabic. He says something back to her in Arabic that causes her to become very angry and storm out. What did he say?
--> "You clearly have ears and a brain, but it will take you years to learn how to use them."
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/injured-in-the-name-of-the-lord/ This woman]] thinks that a guy got injured because he said a swear word, and ''not'' because of the paint can that fell on his head which caused him to swear in the first place.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/never-sausage-thing-part-2/ Another self-proclaimed Muslim here.]] The caller complains about a sandwich having a "bacon" taste, saying that Muslims can't eat pork, and accusing the workers of not cleaning the grill before swapping out meats... when ordering a '''sausage''' and egg sandwich. Unless specified otherwise, like "turkey sausage," sausage is also made of pork.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-price-for-the-devil-to-pay-part-4/ This customer]] seems to believe math and money are the work of the Devil, although [[AlternateCharacterInterpretation the submitter suspects]] he could have been using that as an excuse to get free stuff.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/calling-at-all-stations-to-the-19th-century/ This woman]] believes anyone who works in retail is part of the "servant class", whose entire purpose is to serve people like her for life and are not allowed to rise from their station. The worker who's serving her, a university student, is not only shocked but offended that she tells him to stop studying and stay working retail, and asks for someone else to cover the lady's purchase while he calms down.
* BenevolentBoss: Many of the managers included in these stories fall under this trope by backing up their beleaguered employees; those who don't usually end up on Website/NotAlwaysWorking instead.
* BerserkButton: For a good number of the customers, not getting their way is enough to get them to fly off the handle, sometimes to the point of ''attacking someone''.
* BigBrotherIsWatching: [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-brother-is-not-watching-you/ This woman]] apparently believes traffic cameras work in this manner.
* BigDamnHeroes: Many stories involve another person stepping in to stand up to particularly nasty customers, whether it be a [[BenevolentBoss boss]], a [[TrueCompanions coworker]], or even a [[HeroicBystander fellow customer]].
* BigEater: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-everlasting-supper/ The everlasting supper]]. And apparently he ate almost everything (though it did take him four hours).
* BilingualBackfire: [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-it-all-in-espanol-part-2/ Happens twice over in one story]]: not only does the subject of the remark understand, so does a nearby bartender, making this a ''double'' backfire.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/shouldnt-gone-rabbit-hole// Happens here]] as well
* BinarySuns: [[http://notalwaysright.com/seeing-the-sun-in-a-whole-new-light/ Surprisingly enough]], our solar system doesn't have this feature, to the dismay of a tourist who traveled to Norway to see the "midnight sun" but didn't quite understand what that meant.
* BirdsOfAFeather: A rather disgusting example [[http://notalwaysright.com/life-is-stranger-than-the-fiction-section/ here]]. A woman urinates on the floor and smears her feces onto several books when she doesn't get her way. Her boyfriend does the same when the police arrest her.
* BlandNameProduct: With very, very, ''very'' few exceptions, any trademarked item that gets namedropped in a story will have that name excised in favor of a generic "[Brand Name]" or "[Item]" or similar label.
** An example of exception is [[http://notalwaysright.com/went-beyond-their-reason/ here]], where both Bath & Body Works and Bed Bath & Beyond are mentioned by name due to a customer conflating the two names ó the story would not make sense if the names were rendered generic.
* BlatantLies:
** Numerous accounts of customers trying very poorly to bullshit their way out of paying for something, as well as employees going along with crazy or stupid customers' misconceptions or conspiracy theories in order to get out of the conversation.
** Most complaints filed during or after stories are also wildly embellished. For example, [[http://notalwaysright.com/demanding-and-stupid-in-the-same-breath/ cashier refusing to take a return on a $3 kazoo]] because it was not defective as the customer claimed somehow means the cashier "threw a kazoo at her", and [[http://notalwaysright.com/trying-to-re-coup-the-coupon/ a dollar-off coupon being invalidated]] due to the customer returning the goods that got her that coupon means the cashier "threatened the life of her and her child" and "chased her out of the store".
* BleepDammit: NSFW language in stories is censored, but not necessarily all of a compound word. Exactly what gets censored and how (e.g. "ass-h***" versus "a**hole") varies, due to the number of different submitters' styles.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/waaay-lost-in-translation/ This story]] censors a ''Swedish'' profanity.
* BlindIdiotTranslation: There's a whole category for it - "[[http://notalwaysright.com/lost-in-translation-2/ Lost In Translation]]".
* BluenoseBowdlerizer: Possibly the only site on the Web that stars out "hell" and isn't explicitly Christian. Martha Stewart uses saltier language. You get used to it, though.
* BookSafe: What [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-the-worlds-a-book/ this customer]] apparently was looking for.
* BotheringByTheBook: [[http://notalwaysright.com/thou-shalt-not-pick-and-choose/ This chef]] shuts down a homophobic bigot by listing off a good half dozen Bible verses that she failed to follow.
* BrandNameTakeover: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-lack-of-branding-understanding-part-2/ "By 'Coke' I meant 'soda!'"]] This is actually [[TruthInTelevision a regular part of the dialect]] in parts of the American South, especially the Atlanta area.
* BreadEggsMilkSquick:
** A policeman's reasons for arresting [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-dumb-and-the-dubious/ this guy]]: "Well, to start with, youíve given us false details. Following that, you caused an accident and refused to settle this correctly whilst clearly being to blame. Following that, we have done a check on your vehicle and itís uninsured. Also, you donít have a license and youíre wanted for two hit-and-runs."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-spell-trouble/ "It's 'D' as in 'dog', 'A' as in August, 'I' as in igloo, 'J' as in junkie..."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/eggs-milk-bondage-gear/ "Just getting the necessities, y'know?"]] Like groceries... and handcuffs.
* BuffySpeak:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/de-ting-de-ting/ DE TING, DE TING!!!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/noahs-nondescript-ark/ The tall things, and the not so tall things.]]
** Buffy Speak is apparently the first language of [[http://notalwaysright.com/youve-got-a-bad-doodad/ this customer]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/totally-scentsless-part-2/ "Y'all got some smell-good?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-term-a-contradiction/ "I was, like, all opposite-y"]]. Ironically enough, despite references to [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer the trope namer]], the phrasing is blamed on [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Stephenie Meyer]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-phone-is-suffering-from-the-situation/ "Yeah. Phone donít work.]] Itís all like 'WHAAAAAAT', and needs to be like 'YAAYUUUUHHH'."
* BullyHunter: Many stories involve a third party (sometimes a fellow workmate, sometimes themselves a customer) who, upon encountering an unreasonable character trying to bully a server into getting what they want (or even [[ForTheEvulz just to be a]] {{Jerkass}}), feel the need to intervene.
* BullyingADragon: [[http://notalwaysright.com/feeding-the-baby-and-the-trolls/ Don't mock a bunch of guys with swords]], especially at a Renaissance festival.
* ButICantBePregnant: Multiple customers attempt to return used pregnancy tests (which no store allows, of course) when they get positive results under the belief that they could not possibly be pregnant. [[FridgeLogic Why would they be using the tests in the first place if they "can't" be pregnant?]] Examples include: [[http://notalwaysright.com/even-managers-have-a-stupid-quota/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/denial-by-way-of-refund/ here]], and [[https://notalwaysright.com/number-one-complaint-pregnancy-tests/ here]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-get-their-education-straight/ This]] girl insists she cannot be pregnant because she's a lesbian. She is not attracted to women. She has a boyfriend. She just "knows" lesbians "can't" get pregnant, and [[YouKeepUsingThatWord therefore declared herself one]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-hot-tub-had-better-be-filled-with-spermicide/ This mother]] insists that her daughter's pregnancy diagnosis is obviously false because her angel of a daughter is obviously a virgin, despite the implication that said daughter was in an intimate situation with her boyfriend ''and the mother knew it''.
* BuxomIsBetter: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-sisterhood-of-the-traveling-back-pain/ According to these customers]], it is, to the point where the employee's C-cups[[note]]Generally considered on the big side.[[/note]] are "tiny" to them.
* ByNoIMeanYes: All the time.
** Frequently literal variations, such as a [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-spell-without-without-with/ bacon cheeseburger with no bacon]], but not a cheeseburger which becomes the same bacon cheeseburger upon adding, you guessed it, bacon. Frequently a PyrrhicVictory for the customer as well, as the typical customer's "cashier is always trying to cheat me" attitude makes them blind to the above logic and they insist on paying for the more expensive thing without including the ingredients that ''make'' it more expensive.
** A subversion: [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-are-tea-total-part-2/ An iced coffee without the coffee]] is ''not'' milk and ice, but milk, ice, and ''tea''.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:C]]
* TheCakeIsALie: [[http://notalwaysright.com/deceptive-desserts/ Some people just don't get it.]]
* CallARabbitASmeerp: Several examples, including:
** Something called "[[http://notalwaysright.com/ix-nay-on-the-eesh-squeesh/ eesh squeesh]]". They're actually onions.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/the-secret-language-of-customers/ Screen mail]]", which is apparently a bag of potato chips.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/latte-in-the-translation/ La-tea]]", which is apparently an iced coffee. Complete with LampshadeHanging.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/say-what/ Cup of onions and cheese]]" apparently means "jug of milk" to this customer. Or maybe "hamburger".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-the-worlds-a-book/ This customer]] is looking for a book. Or a dictionary. Turns out they actually want a safe. (Perhaps a BookSafe?)
* CallingMeALogarithm:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-real-oxymoron/ One story]] involves a customer thinking that the word "oxymoron" is an insult.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-not-in-rome/ This customer]] thinks the same of "veni, vidi, vici".
* CallingTheOldManOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/setting-mother-straight/ A daughter stands up to her homophobic mother in defense of a gay cashier.]]
* CanadaEh:
** If you thought pronouncing "about" as "aboot" was just a made-up stereotype, [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-remotely-intelligent-part-5/ you'll never believe this one.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-a-bipolar-vortex/ This Canadian]] has it as a BerserkButton. Unfortunately, said Canadian [[EverythingIsRacist takes even innocent remarks as falling under the trope]].
%%* CaneFu: [[http://notalwaysright.com/brand-spankin-new-employee/ "I'll teach you to disrespect your elders!"]]
* CannotTellFictionFromReality: [[http://notalwaysright.com/there-is-a-meth-to-this-madness/ A tourist]] calls a store and demands to meet [[Series/BreakingBad Walter White]] so he can buy meth. When the employee tells the tourist Walter is not real but a fictional character, the tourist refuses to believe him. The manager ends up giving the tourist a fake address to meet Walter -- [[LaserGuidedKarma a police station]].
* CantYouReadTheSign: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-bigger-the-sign-the-harder-they-fail/ The first customer does.]] The second...[[FailedASpotCheck doesn't]].
* CaptainObvious: Many customers will express with surprise the baldly obvious, like letting employees know that the restaurant they are currently outside is on fire.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-really/ No, really?]]
* CassandraTruth:
** All too often, the customers ''will not accept'' the word of an employee, or anyone they ''[[MistakenForServant think]]'' is an employee, at face value. They either think that the employee is trying to rip them off, or trying to weasel out of having to do any work. Either way, the employee ''must'' somehow be lying if the customer does not get exactly what they want.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-keeps-coming-back-and-back-and-back-to-the-future/ This customer]] refuses to believe there is no such thing as a "Flux capacitor" for his car. He's apparently unaware it's a fictional device from ''Film/BackToTheFuture'', as his mechanic friend told him that he needs one, and he's clearly oblivious to the fact that he's been pranked by his friend. It is only when the submitter shows him proof that the customer realizes he's been tricked.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/common-sense-playing-truant/ This crazy woman]] refuses to accept that the submitter is a 21-year-old college student and not an underage high school student illegally working, despite proof on her ID, which gets the crazy woman banned from the store. Yet despite this, when the submitter is [[https://notalwaysright.com/common-sense-playing-truant-the-revenge/ confronted by the crazy woman four years later]], she ''still'' thinks the submitter is a high school student using a fake ID to drink at the bar with her friends, despite the fact that she and her friends had graduated from high school ''seven'' years ago! And just like last time, the woman is also banned from the bar after she refuses to let it go and not bother the submitter.
* CasualDangerDialogue:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-alarming-turn-of-events/ "Oh, okay. By the way, my keypad seems to be on fire. Is that a bad thing?"]]
** "You know that computer that was a fire risk? [[http://notalwaysright.com/100-chance-of-disaster/ She meant that it was on fire]]."
** "Your stupid fire alarm is going off again! [[http://notalwaysright.com/where-theres-smoke/ Just tell me how to turn it off]]." "Have you checked the dormitory for fire?" "Stay on the line. I'll check... The dormitory is on fire."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-see-the-forest-for-the-airborne-trees/ Yes, I'd say the flashing lights may have something to do with the tornado warning.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/epicenseless/ "Oh, I feel [the earthquake] now! Isn't this exciting?"]]
%%* CavemenVsAstronautsDebate: [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-increase-tips/ How to increase tips.]]
%%* CheshireCatGrin: [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-two-wrongs-make-it-right/ Referenced here.]]
* ChildrenAreInnocent: Several attempted scams end with a small child asking why their parents are lying to the employees.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/blowing-things-out-and-up-of-proportion/ ďHow come you said she planted a bomb? She didnít!Ē]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-good-she-doesnt-need-a-weapon/ Secret agent!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-cuss-into-repercussions/ ďIím sorry my nana said that.]] She doesnít know youíre not allowed to say the f-word.Ē
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-detergent-deterrence/ "But Mommy, you told me to open it!"]]
* ChristmasCake: For all that it's happening in South Africa, not Japan, [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-expiring-is-not-inspiring/ the age of the submitter and the choice of words on the girl's part still come pretty close.]]
* ClarkKenting: Unintentional example on the part of the disguised person [[http://notalwaysright.com/clarissa-kent-to-the-rescue/ here.]] Subverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-customer-tip-103-pull-a-clark-kent/ here,]] as the guy figures it out. He does not react well.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-clothes-make-the-manager/ Perhaps an even weirder example.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/devil-in-disguise/ Sometimes, all it takes is a swap of necklaces.]]
%%* CrazyJealousGuy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/jealousy-is-a-rude-green-eyed-monster/ "Sir, you can't just do that!" "I don't want anyone to come between us!"]]
* CloningBlues: [[http://notalwaysright.com/copycatsand-copy-dogs-copy-sheep/ This woman]] wanted an OppositeSexClone. Of her ''dog''.
* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}: A common trait among the customers in these stories. Usually, these are the customers who are less horrible or are unintentionally offensive. Usually.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-customer-has-a-tuna-problems/ "Well, at least itís not]] a Nazi-controlled fish world where itís 'hail tuna, only what the tuna says!'"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained/ It's a bird, hello bird!]]
** Also, [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-dont-call-her-dumblesnore-for-nothing/ dumblesnore]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/random-encounters/ ...sweatshirts.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-half-baked-requests-and-baked-in-clothes/ This heartless exploitation of garden gnomes]]. Now turn them back to flesh, change dress and [[TakenForGranite petrify again]]. Also a pretty amazing example of SkewedPriorities. This woman appears to fully believe that garden gnomes are living, sentient beings who have been "frozen" by the ceramics company in order to be sold as ornaments. She has no moral objections to this practice; her only concern is that [[ComicallyMissingThePoint their outfits clash with her own.]] Furthermore, [[FridgeLogic why is it so important that their clothes match hers?]] Is she actually planning to carry them around with her at a goddamn ''wedding''?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-one-ever-said-it-would-be-boring/ THESE. ARE. PEACCHEESSSS]]!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/aint-no-mountain-wry-enough/ The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/preserving-life-1-up-at-a-time/ AND SO HUMBLE! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY! *leaves store*]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tiger-tiger-fake-and-bright/ Polyester tigers.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/drive-hoo/ Woo-hoo.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theyre-in-a-galaxy-far-far-away/ This guy]] fails either military history or {{Multiverse}}-ography. It's hard to tell.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/500-non-pays-of-summer/ TRUST NO ONE]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-moooo-sing-explanations/ Oh, a cow exploded.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/calling-about-his-c-pee-yew/ This person]] calling a [=IT=] company to get his toilet remotely fixed.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/keeps-coming-back-for-more-for-less/ The customers in this baffling story]] who evidently have never been to a store in their entire lives. Among other things, they spend a considerable amount of time waiting by the automatic sliding doors, which are wide open due to them standing right in the doorway, ''trying to figure out how to open the already-open door and leave.''
* ClusterFBomb: Often launched by particularly insane customers.
** Occasionally [[http://notalwaysright.com/whos-got-the-power-now/ gets]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/south-of-the-border-of-unreason/ them]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-gauntlet-has-been-phoned/ owned]]. Call center employees do ''not'' have to put up with that abuse, and ''are'' allowed to [[JustShootHim Just Hang Up On Him]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-too-late-or-early-to-apologize/ This girl]] apologizes ''before'' pulling off one of these.
* ClownCar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/driving-in-laps/ Ten people]] in one tiny car.
* ComicallyMissingThePoint:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grab-bag-alaska-cruise/ Alaska Cruise Grab Bag]], the last one. Also approximately 1000 others.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-please-listen-to-yourself-talk/ I didn't come to this library to read!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-d-is-silent-the-customer-wont-be-part-2/ This mother]] keeps on saying that she doesn't want to watch a movie rated 17 and over. She doesn't seems to understand at all that she's not the entire problem -- if she doesn't go, her underage sons can't watch the movie.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/raising-a-voodoo-child/ This mother]] is livid that a music instructor is showing heavy metal and rock music to her son, and demands that the instructor show the son some "classics", like Jimi Hendrix. When the instructor points out a questionable lyric from one of those songs, the mother just says "Yes! The classics!"
* ComicallySmallBribe: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bribery-adjusted-for-inflation/ This customer]] trying to bribe a cashier for the date a stock of new Wiis would be coming in.
* CompanionCube: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-wonder-hes-always-stuffed/ "He doesn't look over 21, ma'am."]]
* CompensatingForSomething: [[http://notalwaysright.com/does-your-sandwich-measure-up/ And failing]].
* ComplainingAboutRescuesTheyDontLike: What did you do [[http://notalwaysright.com/better-off-popular/ that]] for?
* ComplainingAboutShowsYouDontWatch: [[invoked]] Comes back to bite [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-twilight-of-our-literacy-part-4/ this professor]], but at least he's big enough to follow it up.
* ComplainingAboutThingsYouHaventPaidFor:
** A few stories see customers complain about things they didn't even pay money for. Ones that stand out include [[http://notalwaysright.com/thinking-outside-the-box/ a caller complaining about receiving a free soup that came with her food order]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/thievers-cant-be-choosers/ a man calling a hotel to complain that the towels he stole from his room upon checking out were "too scratchy."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/taking-it-down-to-the-wire/ Or this person complaining about the internet being out, when it's actually his neighbor's - he's been stealing it]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-two-wrongs-make-it-right/ A thief calling the store that they shorted her a shoe]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-just-the-cream-turning-sour/ This customer]] is informed of a buy-two-get-one-free sale on an item she has two of, and immediately assumes what the cashier means is she's being charged for three of that item. Turns out she was a previous problem-customer who would fly off the handle at employees for stupid things like this, and had been banned from the store until the new manager took over.
* ComputerEqualsMonitor: Very common.
** According to [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-stupid-its-iconic/ this guy]].
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-a-computer-is-not-a-computer/ this one]].
** As well as [[http://notalwaysright.com/gotta-love-them-diy-puters/ this one]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/monitoring-lack-of-progress/ this one]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/good-examples-gone-bad/ this one]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/problem-exists-between-sign-and-keyboard/ this one]].
** Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-in-wonder/ here]], where a person panics because he can't find the CPU... on an all-in-one [=iMac=].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pebcak-episode-v/ Another straight example here]].
* ConditionedToAcceptHorror: [[http://notalwaysright.com/we-with-consoles-are-always-ready-to-console/ This kid]] was way too calm considering his mother went psychotic earlier.
--> '''Writer''': ďLittle boy, how are you just so calm in all this?Ē
--> '''Customerís Son''': ďThis isnít the first time this has happened. Last time, she [[GroinAttack kicked someone where it hurts a lot]], ícause he fell over crying and stuff."
* ConfrontingYourImposter: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-man-of-many-faces-all-of-them-dumb/ Right here.]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/inn-experienced-guest-part-3/ Here, too.]]
** Telemarketers seem to have a bad habit of calling a family-run business and claiming to be related to the owner.
*** As does [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/ this poor sap.]]
** Great case of this [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-walk-in-that-runs-out/ here]]: a man walks into a medical office, tries to excuse his lack of an appointment by claiming to be related to the doctor - and ends up insulting both said doctor ''and'' his wife.
** A double-whammy [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-have-vetted-the-owners-first/ here]], where an egotistical customer claims to be an animal doctor's girlfriend and accuses the receptionist of being "jealous" of her for that - the doctor is actually gay, and the receptionist is his sister.
** A couple scammers try and fail to [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-id-ea-who-is-serving-you/ buy about $1000 worth of electronic goods with a stolen credit card]], and are caught in part because they tried to use said card when its rightful holder was the cashier.
*** Thieves seem to have a knack for [[http://notalwaysright.com/music-with-a-beautiful-ending/ trying to sell stolen goods to the very people they were stolen from]].
*** Similar to the above case, [[http://notalwaysright.com/got-yourself-carded/ a supermarket customer gets a hold of an employee discount card and tries to use it on a purchase]]: After the newly trained cashier has trouble running the card, the submitter comes in to assist, only to find it's their own card, which they'd recently reported missing.
* ConMan:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/caught-on-con-did-camera/ These theme park guests]] attempt a WoundedGazelleGambit where they try to make it look like a park employee dropped a wheelchair-bound person on purpose. Too bad for them, they didn't take into account that there would be security cameras everywhere.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-scam-doesnt-fit-the-bill/ These two customers]] try to con on a smaller scale with one of them paying with a $10 bill and demanding change for a $20, and the second man pretends to back up the story. They're thwarted when there turns out to be no $20 bills in the register.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-not-registered-the-lack-of-pockets/ This customer]] tries a one man version of the above scam, but fails to note what cashiers can and can't do.
* ConspiracyTheorist:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/higher-than-a-helicopter/ The helicopters. They're in my veins, you know.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-cyberspace-no-one-can-hear-you-scream/ A woman who tin foiled her dog]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-become-employee-destroyer-of-air-pumps/ This guy destroys air pumps for you]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/shocking-mystery-solved/ Mormons. They shock.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-smoke-no-mirrors/ A customer at a hotel refuses to believe the red light on a smoke detector isn't a camera recording her.]]
** Quite a few customers refuse to reveal ''any'' personal information, like addresses or phone numbers, to an employee, because they think that the employee will either use that information to harass them or give it to some nefarious group.
* ConvectionSchmonvection: [[http://notalwaysright.com/caldera-cravings/ Somehow, we don't think you were next to a river of lava...]]
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: [[http://notalwaysright.com/smoke-your-veggies/ This mother]], upon learning from her naive younger daughter that her son's smoking pot:
-->And could you box up an order of mac'n'cheese please? Oh, and some really good smelling stuff? I figure they'll have the munchies and I want to torture them.
** A kid made a $100 pledge to a charity on behalf of his parents, without their knowledge. His mom's reaction to finding out? [[http://notalwaysright.com/charitable-mis-trust/ Make him pay it himself, out of his allowance]].
* CoolOldGuy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/abandon-all-mope-ye-who-enter-here/ This man]] plays video games, hangs out at the game store, and gives great dating advice.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-strange-kind-of-woman-needs-to-hush/ The guys in this story]] were playing ''Guitar Hero'' as soon as it came out.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/waxing-lyrical-on-the-lyrics/ This customer has great taste in music]].
** Meanwhile, for [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-too-old-to-spice-up-your-life/ this one]], [[Music/SpiceGirls the 90's never ended]].
* CoolOldLady: [[http://notalwaysright.com/granny-git-your-groove-on/ This lady]] needed batteries for her "[[AwesomeMcCoolName ghetto blaster]]" (boombox).
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/shes-no-bashful-biddy/ this one]] pulled a "ThatsWhatSheSaid" joke.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grandma-wont-be-outmatched/ This one]] will make your match no matter what team you're on.
* CorrectionBait: [[invoked]] How [[http://notalwaysright.com/adjourning-a-returning/ this furniture store]] finally gets a picky customer (who always seems to have a complaint about the custom pieces they deliver) to accept an order the ''first'' time--create an obvious, easily fixable problem, wait for them to point it out, then fix it. They've made their complaint, you've saved money; everyone's happy.
* CoversAlwaysLie: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-judge-a-dvd-by-its-cover/ So, is it a book or a movie? Confused.]]
* CovertPervert: [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-always-the-one-you-least-suspect/ "I probably get more than you do."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-lion-the-witch-and-the-supply-cabinet/ This woman]], once you sort through the FridgeLogic.
** What does a Scotsman wear under his "quilt"? [[http://notalwaysright.com/curiosity-kilt-the-peeping-tomcat/ This lady sure wanted to know.]]
* CrazyCatLady: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-not-so-great-gatsby/ My Gatsby!]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/her-bark-is-as-bad-as-her-bite/ This one]] is more of a dog lady, but she maxes out the crazy part.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/siamese-dont-please/ This crazy lady]] takes the trope to a whole new level as she offers ridiculous amount of money for the poster's two cats and even ''follows her home'' in an attempt to get them from her! She did not get the cats.
* CrazyPrepared: [[http://notalwaysright.com/there-is-no-spoon-2/ If you don't have a spoon, what will you do if you find some ice cream?]]
* CreepyChild: [[http://notalwaysright.com/exorcisms-not-included-part-2/ "Well then, I guess you will have to ask her, or I will have to ask, or]] [[CreepyMonotone the doll's soul will have to ask."]]
* CreditCardPlot:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/americas-debt-crisis-explained/ A credit card is not free money, surprisingly enough.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-part-27/ This one]] utterly fails to understand how credit cards work: "What's the point of having a credit card if I still have to pay for what I'm buying!?"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-part-41-2/ This lady]] apparently has 15 credit cards just so she doesn't have to actually pay them off when they hit the limit. She may believe that is how credit cards are meant to work.
* CriticalResearchFailure: [[invoked]] Many of the customers know very little, but [[KnowNothingKnowItAll think they know more than the employees]].
* {{Crossdresser}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-size-fits-all/ This man here]], though he tried to cover it up at first. Happily, the workers were willing to help him out once he admitted the truth, and he became a regular customer after that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-slave-to-fashion/ This customer]] as well, except that he never actually bought anything.
* CrowdSong: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/bohemian-medicine/ Mama, oooooooh, didn't mean to make you cry]]; [[{{Music/Queen}} if I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters....]]"
* TheCSIEffect: An apparent source of problems for photo labs, whose clients will ask for all sorts of [[EnhanceButton crazy stuff]] (such as turning back the image so they can see the photographer) just because they (claim) saw it in TV once. A couple (including [[http://notalwaysright.com/attempting-to-mask-out-stupidity/ this one]]) mention this exact show. [[invoked]]
* CureYourGays: Bizarrely [[http://notalwaysright.com/pray-the-gay-to-stay/ inverted]].
* CurseCutShort: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-measure-of-intelligence/ Because that's the size of my c-]]
* CuteBruiser: Watch as [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-well-defend/ this petite woman]] successfully subdues a man much larger than her.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:D]]
* ADateWithRosiePalms: [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-parallel-to-perpendicular/ As fast as you can.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-idea-ive-heard-all-day/ Best idea I've heard all day!]]
* DangerIsMyMiddleName: [[http://notalwaysright.com/d-for-dumb-enough-to-deserve-a-drink/ This man.]]
* DarkAndTroubledPast: Apparently, [[http://notalwaysright.com/stressing-about-the-blessing/ this guy.]]
* DaydreamBeliever: Lots of them. The outstanding ones include the [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-sure-to-ask-for-frickin-laser-beams/ aspiring]] EvilOverlord and [[http://notalwaysright.com/thou-shalt-remain-loyal-to-employer/ the Hell's denizen complaining about overimmigration to his place]] by disloyal employees.
* DeadpanSnarker: Among others, [[http://notalwaysright.com/where-the-sun-dont-shine/ this call-center employee.]] Doubles as a StealthPun.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-assuming-if-a-woodchuck-could-chuck-wood/ "We deal exclusively in fresh, live woodchucks"]].
** "Just a sec... [[PrecisionFStrike Shit!"]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/that-would-not-be-a-happy-meal/ "I'm sorry, sir; we don't serve that here."]] [[LiteralistSnarking "If I wanted that, I'd go to [competitor!]"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/peaking-at-high-school-isnt-f-u-n-n-y/ This customer]], in handling another customer who was out of line.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-extra-toast-to-all-the-idiots/ "So, let me understand this:]] your complaint is that the sandwich you wanted extra toasted, more than recommended, was in fact too toasted?" "Are you being smart with me here?!" "Someone in this conversation has to be."
* DeathGlare: [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t/ A particularly effective one.]] Add a SlasherSmile for effect, and you've just freaked out the abusive customer.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/wont-let-the-joke-run-its-course/ This "withering glare"]] stops a customer from breaking into a tourist attraction after hours.
* DeathIsCheap: [[http://notalwaysright.com/frequent-diers-club/ This man]], who has over 30 times as many deaths as the average dead man, apparently.
* DelayedReaction: [[http://notalwaysright.com/courage-under-hire/ This cashier]], helped by StupidCrooks.
** Hello ''[[https://notalwaysright.com/only-in-la/ miss]]''... wait, you're a ''girl''?!
* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment: [[http://notalwaysright.com/banking-error/ Here]], with a side order of HypocriticalHumor.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pdf-please-dont-fuss/ This customer]] ''thinks'' they caught the submitter being redundant...
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-cake-is-not-a-lie/ ďDoes this cake have cake in it?Ē]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-no-idea-whats-in-store-for-them/ A store where you can buy things]].
* DepthDeception: No special tools are required when [[http://notalwaysright.com/depth-perception-strikes-again/ customers don't understand distance]].
* DespairEventHorizon: After reading enough of these, you'll feel like you've crossed it, and that [[HumansAreBastards humans are greedy, irredeemable asshats]]. There are those who aren't, but you'll probably be so [[JadeColoredGlasses jaded]] you won't particularly care.
* {{Determinator}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/actions-are-totally-out-of-order/ This lady]] is going to use the out-of-order toilet, and no amount of walking distance, signs, barriers, or janitors are going to stop her.
* DidIJustSayThatOutLoud: [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-what-he-thought/ Here]]. And [[http://notalwaysright.com/stone-baked-goodness/ here]].
* DidntThinkThisThrough:
** An underage customer tries to buy cigarettes...[[http://notalwaysright.com/where-theres-smoke-theres-a-liar/ in a yogurt shop.]] There are many, many more examples on the site.
** A mother is stopped from entering an adult store with her baby in the stroller since underage children aren't allowed in such a store. When the mother threatens to call the police for refusing to let her enter, the submitter [[ThreatBackfire dares her to do it since the authorities will question her why would she try to bring her child to such a place]]. [[RightBehindMe Just like the police officer behind her]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/threatened-by-your-own-threat/ This customer, who didn't bring his ID with him to buy cigarettes]], threatens the cashier, [[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections claiming he knows the owner]] of the chain so he either sells him the cigarettes or he will call the owner and get him fired and kicked out. The cashier, unfazed, points out if he does fire him, there will be no one to run the store since he's the only employee and the customer himself has no idea how to run a store. Furthermore, the other customers will not be pleased they couldn't buy their things and will complain to the owner, all because of his actions. Realizing his threat didn't work and the other customer are angry with him, he quickly runs away.
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/no-tickey-no-watchey/ I'LL JUST WATCH IT ONLINE, SO THERE! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?]]" "I think you forgot we provide your internet, too. It won't be reconnected either, until you pay your bill."
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-refund-polices-time/89336/ This customer]] calls the police on a store that won't refund something he bought at a competitor, expecting the manager to immediately cave in. The manager goes on with taking care of other customers ... and this guy suddenly gets worried. "YouÖ you a**-hole! I have unpaid tickets! I canít talk to the police!" (Unfortunately, he fled before the cops showed up.)
* DiggingYourselfDeeper: [[http://notalwaysright.com/digging-your-way-out-of-a-hole-part-4/ Here.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/man-what-a-woman/ This guy]], who promptly hangs a lampshade on it.
* DigitalPiracyIsEvil:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/thickheaded-as-thieves/ This]] unfortunate computer user receives a bootleg copy of a program and calls tech support because she doesn't have the necessary registration code to activate it. After that, she complains that she can't get it working and the fact she has to pay for it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/thickheaded-as-thieves-part-2/ Another]] user calls tech support to complain that he can't access a website he uses to download games, movies, and shows. He insists that he deserves a discount since they're preventing him from accessing the site and refuses to believe his actions are illegal. His insistence that he be allowed access to the site and that his activities are not illegal eventually get his account cancelled.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/playing-hardball-on-software/ This fine specimen]] thinks that Windows operating system is totally free, period. He got a copy from his government-employee friend, who illegally copied it from work (good luck convincing the customer that this was illegal, though). When he tried to install it himself, because the store he brought it to wouldn't work on an illegal copy, he ended up wrecking his entire computer.
* DinnerOrderFlub: [[http://notalwaysright.com/now-in-original-extra-bandwidth-flavor/ "The serving of Wi-Fi, how big is the free portion?"]]
* DirtyCoward: [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t/ This guy]] is a violent misogynistic jerk, but backs down when confronted someone who can fight back.
* DirtyOldMan:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-put-your-brain-back-in-the-drivers-seat/ Well, at least he's honest about it.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-attraction/ Here]] is a dirty old person of [[AmbiguousGender unspecified gender]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-clean-out-more-than-the-hard-drive/ Here,]] nobody knows (nor wants to know) what this man has [[ADateWithRosiePalms been doing]] over his computer.
** For their April Fool's Day 2016 jokes, [[https://notalwaysright.com/looking-order-69/ we learn that Master Yoda apparently has an interest]] in erotic holovideos like ''[[Film/FiftyShadesOfGrey Fifty Shades of the Dark Side]]''.
* DirtyOldWoman: [[http://notalwaysright.com/retired-extremely-dangerous/ Being old gives you the right to sexually harass employees, apparently.]]
** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/customer-service-stripped-bare/ these ladies]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/maybe-they-were-cream-filled/ I used to make chocolate penises.]]
* DisabledMeansHelpless: [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabling-the-able-disabled/ This person]] believes that people in wheelchairs are completely helpless.
* DisproportionateRetribution: Customers wish for this in quite a few stories. Did the employee screw up an inconsequential detail? Their ass must be ''fired''! Did the store follow policy to the letter by denying a return? They must be sued and driven out of business!
* {{Dissimile}}: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/so-much-for-a-discount/ She's about the same size, I guess...except thinner and with bigger boobs.]]" [[http://notalwaysright.com/size-matters-part-6/ Exactly like this, except all different]].
* TheDitz: So, so many. For example, [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-spelled-i-d-i-o-t/ "All right, now I have I-n-d-i-a-m-i-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n - is that how you spell Minneapolis?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/laptop-flop-part-2/ Another]] good example. "Well, yeah, Iím really klutzy, so I tend to drop [my laptop] out of my car when I go to school. Is it bad to drop it a lot?Ē
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-friendship-is-fried/ "No, no, no. I want that chicken 'friend' rice stuff... and that's got shrimp, right?"]]
** The series "[[http://notalwaysright.com/adventures-in-the-third-dimension-part-3/ Adventures In The Third Dimension]]" are about people who either too tired or too stupid to realize that yes, there is a third dimension. Not everything is a flat left-or-right.
** In fact, almost everything under [[http://notalwaysright.com/category/cant-be-that-stupid "Extra Stupid"]] is filled with people who can't seem to grasp basic concepts like [[http://notalwaysright.com/h2slow-part-4/ "rain is wet"]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-is-too-hot-one-is-too-cold-and-the-customer-is-not-right/ "ice is cold"]]. There are, as of this edit, nearly ''four hundred'' pages under the "Extra Stupid" tag, with five entries per page. That's almost ''two thousand'' stories with that tag.
* DitzyGenius: [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-must-be-a-theorist/ This person]] is a scientist with several [=PhDs=]. Yet, he is unable to figure out exactly ''how'' to press the 4 key on his phone to get rid of his extended absence message.
* DoesNotUnderstandSarcasm
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: [[http://notalwaysright.com/pen-envy/ Gigantic]] [[StealthPun pens.]]
* DomesticAbuse: Comes up every so often. [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-or-donuts-there-is-no-try/ Here's a rather scary example.]]
* DontExplainTheJoke: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-genie-ate-the-punchline/ "It's funny, because it sounds sexual."]]
* DontMakeMeTakeMyBeltOff: [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-charged-with-battery/ "Do you have any electronic child-spanking-devices?Ē]]
* DoorDumb: Often the icing on the cake to a particularly unreasonable customer. [[http://notalwaysright.com/acute-mental-failure/ For example.]]
** And every so often, ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/when-push-comes-to-shove/ it's the entire point of the story.]]''
* {{Doorstopper}}: This seems to be the type of book that [[http://notalwaysright.com/those-books-can-be-killer-to-finish/ this customer]] is looking for, though given the way they describe it, "lifestopper" may be a better term.
* DoubleEntendre: Oddly enough, [[http://notalwaysright.com/factual-innuendos/ the literal meaning of the words is the correct one.]] It's ''still'' creepy, though.
** It '''had''' to be a joke. Nobody could have done that by accident.
** The title of [[http://notalwaysright.com/methinks-his-digital-mistress-was-sabotaged/ this entry]] suggests that the poster thought that the milkshake spilling was no accident.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/insert-sex-euphemism-here/ Can't get it up any more.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-husbands-must-be-kept-on-a-leash/ Fast women.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/behind-every-husband-is-a-brutally-honest-wife/ "You wouldn't know anything about 10 inches, dear."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/fully-armed-and-operational-feminine-wiles/ Is anyone gonna pump me?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/some-networks-can-never-be-found/ That's]] not one misspelling. There's something along this line in very phrase.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/buy-one-euphemism-get-the-second-one-free/ New jugs]]. Get that mind out of the gutter.
** Proximity of mass media [[http://notalwaysright.com/sure-thing-sweet-cheeks/ isn't conducive to removing one's mind out of that gutter]].
* DoubleStandard:
** Mixed with DoesNotLikeWomen, a guy who nearly had a stroke when he was told all [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-estrogen-empire-strikes-back/ the managers were female]]; also see [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism-part-2/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/stuck-in-reverse/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/cross-platform-chromosomes/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-in-la/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/she-said-he-said/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/like-comic-book-guy-except-much-prettier/ here]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/with-thought-care-and-testosterone/ here]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/battle-of-the-sexists/ This woman]] is appalled that a male cleaner is cleaning the women's restroom. However, a female cleaner working in the men's restroom? Just fine by her!
* DoWrongRight: [[http://notalwaysright.com/momma-knows-best/ "Now, now, they're not dumb people.]] They're suckers."
* DoYouWantToHaggle: The joke about CloudCuckoolander haggling in the wrong direction is not entirely baseless, as you can see [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-you-bargained-for-part-3/ here]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-he-bargained-for/ Or here]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/less-is-more-more-or-less/ Don't let them fool you, fool yourself first]].
* DramaticallyMissingThePoint: [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-need-for-hazard-pay-part-5/ "Oh! Isn't he cute?! He wants to play baseball!"]] A mother says this after her kid ''throws a can of yams at a cashier'' and significantly injures them.
* DudeLooksLikeALady: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-wouldnt-beliebe-it/ This shopper]] thinks that Music/JustinBieber is a woman. In line with ''that'' mistake, the shopper additionally thinks his first name is ''Justine''.
* DudeWheresOurCar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/try-explaining-that-to-your-insurance-agent/ "That's my car from last year. That's right, that IS where I parked it!"]]
* DumbassHasAPoint: [[http://notalwaysright.com/avoid-a-soft-touch-with-bad-customers/ Why would anyone pay $1,500 for a massage chair when they can use it here for free?!]]
** Note how said dumbass is being told to get his ass off the chair for pretty much that exact reason!
* DumbBlonde: Yes, some of [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-bright-side-she-never-gets-brain-freezes/ them]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/for-my-next-trick/ do]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/next-time-less-hair-more-planning/ exist]] and they are giving the natural blondes a bad name.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/makes-you-want-to-dye-a-little-part-2/ "Oh, Iím not looking for a colorist! Just someone who knows how to cut blonde hair."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-hitchhikers-guide-to-diplomacy/ Subverted here]]. A male customer clearly thinks this of a female customer, thinking she's a ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' fan. However, she's clearly well-read, quoting Creator/GeorgeOrwell[='s=] ''Literature/NineteenEightyFour'', and capping off with a quote from Creator/DouglasAdams.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:E]]
* {{Eagleland}}: Some customers are more AMERICA! than ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''. Examples [[http://notalwaysright.com/personally-i-prefer-stars-and-polkadots/ here]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-last-parting-shot-part-3/ here.]] And those are the milder examples.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/canada-americas-hat-part-6-2/ This visitor to a Canadian theme park]] seems to think that VIP lines for Americans exist for some reason.
** Unfortunately for [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-suitable-for-spanish-fly/ this couple]], not all Americans are idiots.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/texan-bull-in-a-china-shop/ This]] is a classic example of a Type 2 Eaglelander. Thinks Canada is simply another part of the great United States? Check. Treats anyone who isn't ''immediately'' identifiable as "American" as an "immigrant (who probably came here illegally)"? Check. Has a prominent Texan accent? Check.
* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness:
** For much of the site's early life, only certain stories were tagged by theme (e.g. "Geeks Rule" or "Bigotry"). Nowadays, every story is.
** Many early stories are grab-bags of assorted customer quotes with a common theme, which was gradually phased out in favor of one-shot anecdotes.
** A few early stories are copied verbatim from other sources, most often Rinkworks' [[http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid Computer Stupidities]] or [[http://www.rinkworks.com/said Things People Said]] pages. The site now stresses that any submitted content must be original.
* TheEasyWayOrTheHardWay: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hard-smoker/ Saying this doesn't work all that well in real life when you're just a teenager.]]
* ElSpanishO: [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-re-tire-o-scam// This man]] offers to "translate" because his buddy (supposedly) doesn't speak English.
--> '''Police Officer''': Okay, thenÖ ask him where he got the tire.
--> '''"Translator"''': Where-o get-o el tire-o?
--> '''Police Officer and Buddy''': ''staring in disbelief''
* ElvisHasLeftThePlanet: [[http://notalwaysright.com/vivacious-las-vegas/ And gone to Vegas, apparently.]]
* EndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt: Which means [[http://notalwaysright.com/wasteland-not-want-not/ warranties will be worthless]].
* EngagingConversation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/ Here]]; also counts as a GeekyTurnOn.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-about-some-dessert-instead/ "How About Some Dessert Instead".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dreams-really-do-fall-through/ You don't even have to know them.]]
* EnhanceButton: [[http://notalwaysright.com/forensics-for-dummies/ Customers seem to expect]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/ photo labs to have one of these.]]
* EntitledBastard: Arguably the most common trait of customers in these stories. If even a fraction of them are factual, there is a depressingly large number of customers convinced that rules and laws (even natural ones) don't apply to them. A very common variant is customers demanding that they get something entirely free of charge if even ''one inconsequential thing'' goes wrong in the process of purchasing it (or sometimes even when it doesn't). Add stores where there actually are discounts extended to employees or through some other metric that very few people can apply for and things turn sour very quickly.
* EpicFail: Some people go above and beyond mere eccentric or obnoxious behaviour to true failure:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/ The woman]] who tells her boyfriend he'll be [[ExiledToTheCouch sleeping on the couch]], but they don't actually live together. That's just the start of a downward spiral; it leads to the boyfriend and the cashier getting engaged.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-expensive-temper-tantrum-part-2/ Ignore advice]] in the cellphone shop, try to get a large bill cancelled, get angry and end up with ''much larger'' bills.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-never-hurts-to-ask-and-ask-and-ask-part-2/ Two underage teenagers]] try to buy cigarettes, but are obviously turned down. After trying to fool the cashier with a learner's permit (which has expired, has no picture on it, ''and'' clearly proves they're underage), they beg someone else to buy them cigarettes... a ''uniformed police officer'', to be specific. Luckily, they gave up after that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youre-just-spin-cycling-your-wheels/ This man]] uses a car wash to ''wash his clothes'', and demands a refund when it doesn't work! Using a service to do something it was never meant to do, and then complaining when it doesn't do that thing... way to go, guy.
** Even worse is [[http://notalwaysright.com/clean-out-of-common-sense/ this woman]]: upon having the concept of defragging her computer explained as "basically cleaning up your computer," she comes to the conclusion that this means ''put the thing in the dishwasher''.
** The stories filed under [[http://notalwaysright.com/category/cant-be-that-stupid "extra stupid"]] tend to fall under this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-real-government-would-take-your-money/ A scammer]] claims to be part of the government. For some reason, they called a government-operated center to attempt this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/ This drunk man]] hits on a girl at a bar. She's already married. He says he could probably beat up her man. She smiles and doesn't disagree with the drunk, but when he tries it, ''[[ActionGirl she]]'' floors him. Drunk gets up and asks the bartender to throw the woman and her husband out, and when the bartender refuses, the drunk claims to be the owner's brother... whereupon the bartender reveals that she's also the owner and that while she doesn't have a brother, ''that woman he was just harassing and got punched out by is her little sister.'' And the cherry on top? He was finally thrown out by the bouncer, a.k.a. '''the husband of the bartender!''' Epic fail times four!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/chlorine-wishes-and-door-knob-dreams/ This woman]] is looking for doorknobs ... at a ''pool supply'' store. The submitter explaining this is being "rude" because he supposedly refused to sell them (as opposed to not having them at all). The person that the woman complains to minutes later? The submitter, who is also the manager. Upon finding this out, the woman speeds away and is pulled over by a police officer whom she cut off.
* EskimosArentReal:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-one-of-historys-mysteries/ Native Americans]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/watashi-whaaa/ Japan]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-one-horned-fabulous-purple-people-lover/ Gay people]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-school-dropouts-work-on-the-pharm/ Pharmacists]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/un-beaver-able/ Beavers]].
* EskimoLand: [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones/ Some]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones-part-2/ tourists]] seem to think Canada is this. Most Canadians just [[SureLetsGoWithThat play along to get the ignorant customer out of there.]]
* EspeciallyZoidberg: [[http://notalwaysright.com/time-to-start-screening-the-tourists/ Here]]:
-->'''Customer:''' Can I buy some spray paint to get high on?\\
'''Cashier:''' No, sir. That is illegal.\\
'''Customer:''' Even during Sundance?\\
'''Cashier:''' Especially during Sundance!\\
'''Customer:''' Buzzkill! ''[walks out]''
** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-strung-at-heart/ here]]:
--> '''Elderly customer referring to another customer throwing a childish tantrum:''' If that were my daughter I'd slap her!\\
'''Cashier:''' Even at her age?\\
'''Customer:''' ''Especially'' at her age.
* EverybodyHatesMathematics: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/nonplussed-customers/ Nonplussed Customers]]" And [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-point-stupid/ 1.5 - not one and a half!]]
** Also, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-few-slices-short-of-a-pie/ this customer cannot perform a grade two or three level multiplication.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/unfortunately-your-iq-adds-up-to-zero/ This customer]] utterly fails at percentages.
* EverythingsBetterWithDinosaurs: [[http://notalwaysright.com/watch-out-for-the-pansysaurus/ Watch Out For The Pansysaurus!]]
* EverythingIsRacist:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-politically-proper-placement-of-puzzles/ Puzzles]] are SeriousBusiness.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-jean-debate/ These jeans are "straight leg". Does that mean that these are not gay-friendly?!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/anti-bigotry-bigotry/ "Moral of the story: Don't assume that everything you see is a hate crime!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-card-is-double-sided/ As this one]] has a gay man accuse a convention volunteer of being a homophobe just for seeing if they have a blue wrist band required to attend the con while holding hands.
* EvilBrit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/accentuating-the-problem/ This woman]] seems to believe that terrorists can instantly adopt British accents if needed.
* EvilCannotComprehendGood: [[https://notalwaysright.com/helplessly-explaining-being-helpful/ "Why would you help people if you're not getting paid for it?"]]
* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin:
** A concept that seems to escape [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-let-these-questions-be-rhetorical-part-2/ some]] customers.
** And others [[http://notalwaysright.com/lactose-and-intolerant/ expect this trope]] to an unhealthy extent.
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-very-smart-cookie/ still others]].
* ExactWords: But I ''didn't'' damage the pans with a ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/when-non-stick-causes-friction/ hammer and chisel!]]''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/ "I didn't say I'd hurt you."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/immersed-in-his-complaint/ This customer]] interprets "you have 90 days to return it with the receipt as long as the tags are still attached" to mean "even if you wear them in the pool with the tags still on, we can return them". [[BlatantLies Then he tries to argue that he didn't take them into the pool, despite said tags being mostly disintegrated with pool water and the trunks smelling of chlorine.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-careful-what-you-ask-for-part-3/ "I want a small popcorn,]] and donít try to upsell me a medium!" "Can I interest you in a large then?"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-method-of-customer-service-should-go-viral/ This]] call center agent takes their manager at his word after being instructed to do "whatever it takes" to get a caller off the line.
* ExiledToTheCouch: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/ This woman]] tries to exile her boyfriend to the couch after he takes the side of a shop assistant over her. It doesn't quite work out... not least because they don't actually live in the same house. Hard to believe, but it actually gets ''worse'' for her from that point.
* ExtremeOmnivore: [[http://notalwaysright.com/eating-disorderly/ Mmm, tickets.]]
* EyeScream: A customer assumes a clerk's eye patch is a fashion statement. [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-eye-for-an-eyepatch/ She is quite wrong.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:F]]
* FacePalm: Frequently a response of the staff in these stories. A [[http://notalwaysright.com/search/facepalm search for "facepalm"]], in fact, currently brings up ten pages worth of stories where the reporter uses that exact term, usually at the end. Reading them all in succession is fun, as it turns into a RunningGag of sorts.
* FailedASpotCheck: Most commonly manifests as either not noticing signs or ignoring evidence for why a door is locked in their determination to enter.
** The only explanation for [[http://notalwaysright.com/ahh-youth/ these]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/suddenly-i-feel-very-sorry-for-her-child/ examples]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-twilight-of-our-literacy-part-9/ And here]], we have a [[UpToEleven critical failure]].
** Normally, seeing a man walk out of a store, gun in hand, would be cause for concern. [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-jumped-the-gun/ But not in this case]] -- it's a ''gun'' store.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/your-bigotry-is-kilting-me/ Bigotry misplaced is bigotry mocked.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lack-of-register-does-not-register/ This woman]] somehow managed to miss that the register was dismantled, the screen was off, and the three signs saying it was out of order. And when told it was undergoing maintenance, she accused the manager at it of being lazy. Especially amusing, given how much the manager had just assumed [[WhoWouldBeStupidEnough no one would be stupid enough to do so]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/signed-his-own-fate/ This guy]], upon learning that a store is unable to accept credit or debit cards at the time, tries to claim that "Y'all need to have signs up for that." As the cashier points out, there are no less than ''three'' such signs, including one right in his face, that he is failing to notice.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/quite-a-climb-to-get-to-the-answer/ This guy]] tries to enter a gym, but is unable to because the doors are locked. There is a sign on the door stating they are closed for a week for renovations, and he can clearly see people inside repainting the walls. He still calls their number and has to ''ask them'' if they're open.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/saving-souls-and-money/ This customer]] fell for a string of InsaneTrollLogic about the clerk being ginger and therefore [[ItMakesSenseInContext immune to having their soul devoured for not giving the customer a discount]]. The clerk in question is blond.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-so-donuts-about-burgers/ This guy]] walked into a burger joint thinking it was a coffee shop, despite the pictures of burgers on the walls.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hard-hats-vs-hard-heads/ This woman can't tell that the coffee and doughnut shop is under construction and not operational]].
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/only-generating-contempt/ About fifty computers and the same amount of phones are not working. You have nine and a half minutes to get it working.]]" "How many people are working in the building right now?" "There is me, two security guards, and a couple of men [[CutTheJuice replacing the generators]]."
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/brick-for-brains// This guy]] is too stupid to realize that a store with the lights off, no customers, and a locked door is CLOSED, and that the correct way to solve this problem is not to throw bricks at the door. And he ''still'' attempted to make an order after being directly told that the door was locked and the store was closed.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-look-sewage-dragged// This woman]] believes that the submitter is being lazy because he wasn't allowing anyone in, failing to recognize the strong odor from the sewage that had leaked into the room.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cuffed-red-handed/74258/ "Good luck proving]] (her assault on a worker) without any police around!" Said to two ''uniformed'' police officers.
* FakeOutMakeOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fake-it-til-you-make-it/ That was fast]].
* FakeRussian:[[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/ This cop]] actually has a slight Russian accent, but he exaggerates it to scare off some pervert.
* FakeStatic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-ex-static-about-donating/ "Youíre breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-landlines-tangled/ This customer]] tries the "you're breaking up" variant... on a ''land line''.
* FantasticRacism: [[http://notalwaysright.com/ired-by-shire-attire/ Allowing hobbits to buy clothes? Outrageous.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/overlord-px53a-z-is-not-pleased/ I hate robots]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-skynet-annihilated-mankind-vol-1/ "F***ing cyborgs!"]] Okay, [[http://notalwaysright.com/sass-subtle-artificial-sassy-server/ maybe this hunk of metal isn't that bad]].
*** They are onto us. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-call-has-been-terminated/ Beep!]] Though honestly, doesn't [[http://notalwaysright.com/aisle-be-watching-you/ the same site]] make you wonder?...
*** Now cyborgs [[http://notalwaysright.com/human-interaction-is-for-slackers/ also]] distrust [[http://notalwaysright.com/thank-you-for-calling-planet-of-the-apes/ them human living persons]].
** There are also numerous stories where customers have somehow got it into their heads that the people who work at stores [[http://notalwaysright.com/off-the-clock-customer-block/ are not "real" or "normal" people]], and subsequently become very offended when those workers turn out to have lives beyond taking verbal abuse from ungrateful customers all day.
* FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence: [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabled-but-not-disarmed/ This customer]] believes that another customer, quietly reading a book and drinking her coffee, is "offending" and "abusing" him simply by virtue of requiring a walking stick.
* FelonyMisdemeanor: [[http://notalwaysright.com/almost-as-bad-as-the-large-hadron-collider/ "YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/post-dramatic/ The pain! It never ends.]]
* FemaleGaze: [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/ Completely Immersed In The Lesson]], evidently.
* FemaleMisogynist: [[https://notalwaysright.com/customer-dealt-marvellously/ In this story,]] an inattentive female customer, who was spending so much time talking on her cell phone, paying no attention to the employee, decides he ''has to serve her right then and there'', despite the fact that the employee is coming to the aid of a coworker who is being sexually harassed, and when informed of this, immediately determines [[VictimBlaming that the female coworker did something to provoke the harassment.]] [[MuggingTheMonster The owner, who happened to be another customer at that point, gloriously calls her out ]][[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections when she threatens to call "corporate."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/one-light-feminism/91747/ "I'm just a woman. I can't be expected to know how to do this! Just send a tech!"]] Said instruction? ''Plug in a lamp!''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/receipt-changed-oil/91085/ This one is especially horrendous]] as it combines with both FrivolousLawsuit and TooDumbToLive. The "customer" in this story immediately demands a MAN to work on her vehicle when greeted by a female mechanic. When a male mechanic is not avialiable, she reluctantly lets the female mechanic work on her car, and when said mechanic finds numerous very dangerous issues, completely ignores the mechanic's advice, including the fact that the radiator had '''no coolant''' and the SUV was going to be driving in temperatures of 36 degrees celcius. So when the car's engine inevitably blows up, from overheating, the female customer goes and forges her invoice to try and make "the stupid female mechanic" look at fault and sue the oil change establishment for $5000 plus the $400 in towing fees. Needless to say, her own bigotry bites her in the ass when it turns out that the female mechanic is the most experienced, most professional, and most talented of the employees and recognized the fraud immediately, printing another copy of the original invoice that proved her innocence, and the customer's culpability.
%%* FluffyTamer: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-owners-unleashed/ Deconstructed.]]
* ForInconveniencePressOne: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-the-only-thing-in-need-of-maintenance/ As imitated through a drive thru intercom.]]
* FreeRangeChildren: 8 years old, [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-as-i-say-not-as-i-play/ walking without a guard from the cashier to arcade]]? FelonyMisdemeanor. Same kid, walking without a guard from the arcade to the cashier in the first place? Okay.
* FrenchMaidOutfit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-man-maid-fantasies/ "Are you wearing a maidís outfit?"]] "I can bet money that itís not the outfit you are mentally picturing right now, sir."
* FreudianSlip:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-planet-after-hours/ That's not a textbook.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yes-its-for-my-longmower/ "It's For My Longmower"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/night-of-the-loving-dead/ "I think I'm a necrophiliac."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-freudian-slips-lesbian-lips/ "Just make sure you drink lots of women".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/similar-tool-different-outcome/ "Is it just me or did it sound like she was asking for?.."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/phones-have-needs-too/ The Naughtyphone]].
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-slippage/ March of the Penises]]".
* FriendlyLocalChinatown: Defied. [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-some-confucian-about-where-he-is/ This tourist]] doesn't seem to understand that there are no "Chinatowns" in China itself.
%%* FriendToAllChildren: [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/ This store]].
%%* FriendToAllLivingThings: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-no-challenge-tarzan/ This guy]].
* FrivolousLawsuit: Almost every lawsuit threatened in any story here, really.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-gonna-need-a-huge-courtroom/ This guy]] wants to sue a town, not the town government, but the town itself and everyone in it. By the look of things, he appeared to be under the impression that "Boise Idaho" (without a comma) was a company and not a town.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-the-best-actor-of-the-bunch/ This guy]], every year, goes to a family's haunted house, comes out bruised, and sues them for it, never winning from a lack of evidence but wasting a lot of their money nonetheless. He eventually gets his when they install security cameras and catch him injuring himself - his case is immediately thrown out with that evidence, and the family promptly counter-sues him for three times what he wanted from them, making back nearly every penny they had lost fighting his lawsuits.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-slipping-on-the-truth/ This elderly lady]] blatantly pretends to have slipped on something wet and threatens to contact her lawyer - after basically proving she made it up, by trying to "recreate" the incident by making movements she could not possibly have done if she were actually injured. Because of this and the presence of security cameras, the manager gives her the store's information in the hopes that she goes through with the lawsuit so he can then get her put in jail over it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/standards-falling-really-falling/ This elderly woman]] tried to scam a department store by faking a slip-and-fall accident. The CCTV footage immediately disqualifies her claims.
* FromBadToWorse: [[http://notalwaysright.com/welcome-to-retail-part-3/ This poor worker]]. A lady buys $40 of various brands of cat food, and refuses to help the cashier load it up. Then she pays entirely in change. ''Then'' she drops the cans all over the parking lot when she realizes that she actually meant to buy dog food.
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes:
** Anecdotes featuring children repeating things they shouldn't are very common, for example [[http://notalwaysright.com/kids-say-the-est-things/ swear words]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-part-2/ insulting remarks about the establishment]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/children-can-man-age-to-listen/ This kid]] responds ''very'' bluntly to his mom's transphobic comments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/age-is-but-a-number/ This girl's favorite number is 69,]] to the embarrassment of the adults.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/every-bird-and-bees-worst-nightmare/ This girl]] takes a LiteralMinded approach to the question "where did you come from?"
[[/folder]]
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