Really, some articles go a little further than you'd expect.
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* "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/blood_blood_everywhere Blood...Blood Everywhere]]".
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/residents-of-indiana-join-together-to-form-collect,27668/ Residents of Indiana Join Together to Form Collective Consciousness]]".
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cdc-officials-announce-free-ice-cream-for-everyone,17611/ CDC Officials Announce Free Ice Cream For Everyone, Delicious Tasty Ice Cream, And Also There Is An Ebola Outbreak]]". BodyHorror, and MoodWhiplash and {{Gorn}} are the least you can say about it. And in unrelated news, about 90 to 95% of you will die.
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/children-of-all-ages-delighted-by-enslavement-of-t,17534/ Children Of All Ages Delighted By Enslavement Of Topsy The Elephant]]". Also AndIMustScream.
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/if-its-any-consolation-your-daughter-probably-died,11143/ If It's Any Consolation, Your Daughter Probably Died Almost Immediately Of Sheer Terror]]". Uh, you probably shouldn't read that one. Unless, you know, you didn't plan on sleeping tonight or anything like that.
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/interim-apple-chief-under-fire-after-unveiling-gro,19111/ Interim Apple Chief Under Fire After Unveiling Grotesque New MacBook]]". When they said "grotesque", they weren't messing around. It makes you wonder why someone would be creepy enough to invent such a thing that is sentient.
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/kidnapped_boy_found_safe_imagines Kidnapped Boy Found Safe, Imagines Kidnapped Boy]]". ''Jeez.''
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mother-teresa-sent-to-hell-in-wacky-afterlife-mixu,973/ Mother Teresa Sent To Hell In Wacky Afterlife Mix-Up]]".
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/neverland-ranch-investigators-discover-corpse-of-r,1303/ Neverland Ranch Investigators Discovers Corpse Of Real Michael Jackson]]".
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-parent-should-ever-have-to-bury-his-child-alive,17339/ No Parent Should Ever Have To Bury His Child Alive]]". Holee-shit.
* In The Know: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVuTufXPxZY Should We Do More To Reduce Violence In Our Dreams?]]"
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/there-was-definitely-a-point-during-that-stoning-w,18165/ There Was Definitely A Point During That Stoning Where We All Thought, 'Is This Weird?']]"
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/victim_in_fatal_car_accident Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck]]", specifically the description of how the victim, who was not Glenn Beck, died. Don't read it if you want to sleep tonight.
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/abusive-father-cant-wait-to-see-the-art-hes-inspir,27192/ Abusive Father Can't Wait To See The Art He's Inspiring His Kids To Create]]"
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/scientists-look-onethird-of-the-human-race-has-to,27166/ Scientists: 'Look, One-Third Of The Human Race Has To Die For Civilization To Be Sustainable, So How Do We Want To Do This?']]"
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/detectives-overlooked-casey-anthonys-i-killed-my-d,30515/ Detectives Overlooked Casey Anthony's 'I Killed My Daughter AMA' On Reddit]]"
* The later episodes of ''WebVideo/SexHouse'' are increasingly disturbing.
* The FetusTerrible mentioned in "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cut-this-monster-out-of-me,30602/ Kate Middleton: Cut This Monster Out of Me]]". Closely followed by "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-family-releases-kate-middleton-ultrasound-im,30613/ Royal Family Releases Kate Middleton Ultrasound Image]]".
** The [[http://www.theonion.com/channels/royal-baby/ Royal Baby]] coverage gets more gory and horrific as it goes along, culminating in [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-born,33171/ the baby's birth]], covered in a completely-normal sounding article... turned horrifying by the ''abomination pictured above it, as well as the [[{{Gorn}} bloody, ripped-apart Kate Middleton]].''
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/in-stunning-change-of-character-bill-belichick-ado,30951/ In Stunning Change Of Character, Bill Belichick Adopts Half-Dozen Dogs From Humane Society]]" and [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/bill-belichick-builds-new-tight-end-from-mutilated,30952/ its ghoulish sequel]].
* [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-world-now-down-to-5-stories-that-are-inspir,31303 "World Now Down To 5 Stories That Are Inspirational"]], written in the immediate wake of RealLife double amputee sprinter Oscar Pistorius murdering his girlfriend, is drenched in horrific cynicism about human nature -- anything good anyone does will inevitably be negated by their failings or turn out to mask a horrible truth.
* [[http://www.theonion.com/video/romneys-terrifying-google-search-history-leaked,29971/ Romney's Terrifying Google Search History Leaked]].
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sm075jVKQ8k Ear Of Genetically Modified Corn Begs For Death]].
* [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/lifes-too-short-to-get-hung-up-on-the-mysterious-c,32536/ Life's too short to get hung up on the mysterious circumstances of your wife's death.]]
* [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/8-of-the-hottest-celebs-without-their-flesh,33505/ Eight of the Hottest Celebs Without Their Flesh!]]
* [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/bricks-goddamned-everywhere-reports-psychotic-stud,33684/ Bricks Goddamned Everywhere, Reports Psychotic Study]]
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Npk61XnYU-4 The Onion Reviews 'Gravity.']]
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/grisly-remains-of-15-hobbits-discovered-in-peter-j,34754/ Grisly Remains of 15 Hobbits Discovered in Peter Jackson's Attic]]"
-->"Furthermore, sources said the body of one hobbit, who investigators have yet to identify, was discovered skinned from head to toe and hung by the ankles from a 4-foot-high ceiling beam."
* "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/new-marijuana-study-says-everyone-knows-youre-high,35386/ New Marijuana Study Says Everyone Knows You're High And You'll Likely Be Stoned Forever]]" is an innocuous, decent satire the first time through, but on subsequent replays, the video deliberately invokes MushroomSamba for various effects. The worst of these include:
** The one where [[spoiler:the reporter and the doctor [[ScreamerPrank suddenly scream at you]], and the reporter ends the video abruptly by staring at the camera, accompanied by this headline]]:
--->[[spoiler:WAKE UP. YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP.]]
** The one with the [[spoiler:[[PaintTheTownRed blood]]]]
--->[[spoiler:THE BLOOD HAS YOU]]
** The one where [[spoiler:both the reporter and the doctor suddenly [[TheBlank lack any facial features]], a clip of rotting flesh is shown, and the headlines indicate that you're in Hell]].
--->[[spoiler:WELCOME TO ETERNITY]]
--->[[spoiler:NEXT UP: THIS IS HELL, AND YOU ARE THE DEVIL]]
* In the Onion book ''"Our Dumb World"'' the page for the Democratic Republic of the Congo is pretty much the book's own DespairEventHorizon given how nightmarish everything about its recent history and current status is, and the few jokes made are exceedingly bleak and depressed, but this line in particular is just horrifying...
--> ''(marking a point on a map of the country)'' [[RapeIsASpecialKindOfEvil Defenceless 9 year old girl who never thought her first, second, and third time would be like this.]]
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