[[quoteright:225:[[ComicBook/ChickTracts http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/ChickTract_TheLittleSneak_8380.jpg]]]]
[[caption-width-right:225:Sometimes, tragicomedy strikes like a lightning bolt from heaven.]]
%% Moved image over from Main.{{Narm}}. For discussion see: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=1326204594031000100&page=1

This section is devoted to the cottage industry that is ''ComicBook/ChickTracts'' {{Narm}}. '''''[[UnEvilLaugh HAW HAW HAW.]]'''''
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* Perhaps Jack Chick's most famous tract is in the process of becoming a live-action movie. [[http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/295102457/rpgs-are-evil-dark-dungeons-the-movie "Dark Dungeons: The Movie!"]] is a Kickstarter funded effort to transform Creator/JackChick's tract, "Dark Dungeons", into a live-action movie, and the sight of real actors reading the lines in costume and in character has to be seen to be believed. Debate rages on whether the filmmaker believes in the tract or not.
** He's not serious. He's all but admitted he's doing a giant Stephen Colbert-esque move. He said that his favorite Comedian was Stephen Colbert and that "The best humor is done by a person doing it completely straight that for a moment you think he's serious."
* This little gem is from the '''very first panel''' of ''Doom Town'':
--> "[[LiesDamnedLiesAndStatistics 12%]] of the [[ChildrenAreInnocent little boys and girls growing up]] are going to be '''''[[BoldInflation lesbians]]''''' and '''''[[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment homosexuals]]'''''[[labelnote:*]][[NoBisexuals Note the conspicuous absence of bisexuals from this list]][[/labelnote]]... [[ValuesDissonance And they are]] '''''[[FelonyMisdemeanor NOT]]''''' [[TheBully going to be called faggots, dykes, queers and sissies.]] '''[[HeteronormativeCrusader WE ARE GOING TO SAVE OUR CHILDREN.]]'''"
* The infamous [[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp "Dark Dungeons" tract]] shows [[CriticalResearchFailure so much ignorance]] [[ComplainingAboutShowsYouDontWatch of the game]] [[CowboyBebopAtHisComputer it's railing against]] that it's a source of hilarity among ''DungeonsAndDragons'' players. A level 8 (or higher) Cleric is having trouble with "[[TheGoomba the Zombie]]" -- something she should be able to destroy automatically with a single TurnUndead roll.
** An especially Narmful moment is when a player receives "the real power" upon reaching level 8. They're taught to cast [[YourMindMakesItReal real spells]]. For some reason, these spells for players, as opposed to [[PlayerCharacter PCs]], are not immediately evident in the D&D rulebooks.
** The protagonist reacts to her friend's suicide:
--> "You didn't ''have'' to do that!"
** The Game Master's screen says Dark Dungeons. The rule books all say Dark Dungeons. Yet, as early as the fourth panel, characters refer to the game as D&D. So, it's ''Dark and Dungeons'' now?
---> '''''"Don't be stupid, Debbie."'''''
---> "'''I don't want to be Elfstar anymore.''' I want to be Debbie."
** Go [[http://www.theescapist.com/spells/ here]] for a hilarious take on what MoralGuardians think kids do with Dungeons and Dragons books.
** A player is thrown out of the game and ''[[DrivenToSuicide commits suicide]]'' because their character died. These people are ''DungeonsAndDragons'' players. Have they never heard of making a new character, [[BackFromTheDead resurrecting the old one]], or joining a group that doesn't [[SeriousBusiness throw people out of the game for having a character die]]?
*** More likely the girl must have had issues long beforehand; the kind who'd declare bankruptcy after losing at ''Monopoly''.
** Also, in the comic, it's the Game Master telling what actions the characters do and the players giving the results of the action. In any real roleplaying game, [[CriticalResearchFailure it works the other way around]]: players give their actions, and Game Masters tell them the results. A Jack-Chick rules RP session ''should'' be a weird mix of {{Railroading}} and MontyHaul...
** '''''"NO,'' NOT BLACK LEAF! ''NO, NO!'' I'M GOING TO DIE!"'''
** '''"THE INTENSE OCCULT TRAINING THROUGH D&D PREPARED DEBBIE TO ACCEPT THE INVITATION TO ENTER A WITCHES' COVEN."''' You can't say that with a straight face.
*** ''"It's my fault Black Leaf died. I can't face life alone!"''
** So after the characters realize how ''eeeeevil'' Dark Dungeons is, what do they do with their leftover rulebooks/gameboards/dice/etc.? Do they throw them away? Return them to the publisher? Sell them off to a gaming store? No, that would make them normal people. Instead, they all do the good Christian thing and chuck them in a big fat bonfire.
* In ''Who Murdered Clarice?'', an abortion doctor is being judged after death for his crime. Who is the judge?
-->"Surprise, everybody!!! It's the Lord Jesus Christ."
** [[FridgeLogic Who named an unborn embryo that was going to be aborted Clarice, anyway]]?
*** Easy. [[SilenceOfTheLambs Hannibal Lecter]].
**** Who he then ate, with some fava beans and a nice chianti. '''SLURPSLURPSLURP'''
** "YOU DEVIL! ... YOU SOLD HER BABY EARS FOR $75 AND I DAMN YOU TO HELL!"
* Bobby in ''[[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0094/0094_01.asp The Last Generation]]'' is over-the-top in everything he does, from his [[PuttingOnTheReich Hitler Youth-style uniform]] to his suggesting that cats and dogs are good sacrifices.
** This one is actually a retcon - the original printed version of ''The Last Generation'' had cats and dogs as examples of "extinct animals". Chick originally couldn't make up his mind whether to have Atheism or New Age as the enforced state religion - in the reissue, he replaced all science/atheism references with occult-related phrases.
** Apparently [[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0094/0094_01.asp famous New Age healers]] look like villains from ultra-cheap Fifties sci-fi movies.
* The story about the brothers in ''Room 310'', in which one brother impersonates the other and gets executed for murder, and the other confesses later but avoids punishment because someone paid for the crime, manages to cross the line from CriticalResearchFailure to funny.
* [[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0034/0034_01.asp This one, called "Angels?"]] might just take the cake. The idea of the ''Angels'' succeeding as a band with lyrics like "We're going to Rock, [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment Rock, Rock Rock with the ROCK]]!" and "Embrace Me Love of Death" (which sounds more like badly translated RichardWagner than any rock song).
** [[Narm/{{Music}} You would be surprised what a band can get away with.]] The DealWithTheDevil likely helped, too.
** It also has the line, "Then I'll give you a wedding present... '''Some''' '''''[++AIDS.++]'''''"
---> "Bobby died of AIDS. Jim OD'd. And [[BreadEggsMilkSquick Don is into vampirism]]."
** The bit near the end where he picks up a ChickTract to "see what it says" - as the panel doesn't change, Tom's "O God, I've been a fool. Please save me" seems more like he's reading the tract's content aloud at first.
** The corrupt boss being called ''[[LouisCypher Lew Siffer]]''. These people are rockers but didn't spot that allusion?
** Satan quite seriously explains how he coerced the world into listening to rock music. (Oh noes!).
** In one panel, Lew Siffer presents a chart explaining how he masterminded the evolution of rock music which classifies ElvisPresley and Music/TheBeatles as HardRock. Now consider [[SillyLoveSongs the kinds of songs most people associate them with]]. If "Suspicious Minds" and "All You Need Is Love" are HardRock, then what would ''[[MohsScaleOfRockAndMetalHardness soft]]'' rock be? And what would heavy death metal be?
** The panel where the devil is revealed with a [[UnsoundEffect ZAP.]]
** The band in ''Why No Revival?'' has two songs titled "Rock of Ages" and "Rock for the Rock". Now, there is a good rock/metal song called "Rock of Ages" out there, but "Rock for the Rock" smacks of SpinalTap.
*** By Chick's logic, the entire discography of Music/TheBeatles [[CriticalResearchFailure and every other rock band ON EARTH]] comprises demonic hard metal songs bent on sending souls to "Lew Siffer". [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Even the Christian bands]]. [[SarcasmMode Yes, the only way a band can sing about peace, love, and happiness are if they are with Lew.]]
*** [[ElvisCostello What's so funny about peace, love, and understanding?]]
** And on top of all this, the ''first panel'' has the group complaining about how they were promised $500, but were only paid $200... ''by a pastor''. Where's the scorn for ''that'' guy in all this?
* Satan's [[ChainsawGood chainsaw rampage]] in ''Boo!'' is hard to take seriously when he has a jack-o-lantern with a goofy grin on his head..
-->It's [[MemeticMutation THE GREAT MOTHERFUCKING PUMPKIN]]!
** Then the pumpkin came off, revealing the killer to be SATAN. Then a cop yells, "AIEEE! Run! 'Tis the Devil himself!" Say what you will about Creator/JackChick; he's anything but predictable.
** Then a teenager gets Satan to leave him alone basically by yelling at him.
--> "I hate you! And your lousy birthday!"
** The otherwise normal Halloween party also randomly involves sacrificing a cat to the devil. You'll notice these inexplicable sacrifices quite a bit in the Jack Chick universe.
* The proud declaration at the top of all the pages:
--> "Publishing cartoon gospel tracts and ''equipping Christians for evangelism'' for 40 years."
** It's technically true, but...
* "I hate you AND your Jesus!"
** "I HATE you... ''and'' [[http://enterthejabberwock.com/2007/11/chick-dissection-the-execution/ your cookies!]]"
* Chick's [[GeneralRipper rants against the Catholic Church]] are at once funny and sad. To hear him tell it, an AncientConspiracy issuing from the Vatican has been responsible for the following: both [[WorldWarI World]] [[WorldWarII Wars]], the Holocaust (in which Catholics were killed), the assassinations of [[UsefulNotes/AbrahamLincoln Lincoln]] and [[JohnFKennedy Kennedy]] ([[CriticalResearchFailure the first Catholic president]]), the attempted assassination of '''[[ThePope Pope John Paul II]]''' (it was faked, don'chaknow!), the Ku Klux Klan (also anti-Catholic), UsefulNotes/{{Islam}} (Muslims consider the Bible to be mostly accurate, but incomplete), Communism (which is anti-religion), UsefulNotes/{{Mormonism}} (a.k.a. the Latter Day Saints, which blames Catholics for the corruption of Literature/TheBible), Jehovah's Witnesses, and more. When his claims proved so virulent and erroneous that Protestant bookstores stopped stocking his comics, he blamed the Catholics for ''that''!
* "My goodness, Susy, we almost became '''''[[FateWorseThanDeath Muslims!]]''''' I [[AccidentalInnuendo want]] '''''Jesus!'''''"
* This exchange from [[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1041/1041_01.asp "Moving On Up!"]]:
-->'''Cathy:''' Adam and Eve really blew it by disobeying God. And ''their'' sin was passed on to us!\\
'''Tyler:''' [[TotallyRadical What a bummer!]]
** And from the same comic: "Then it happened. Tyler finally croaked."
---> '''TheGrimReaper:''' "Hi there!"\\
'''Tyler:''' *plop*
** Chick gets the theory of evolution wrong and essentially equates it with Hitler.
*** This. The emphasis is Chick's.
-->'''Tyler:''' Now I see why Jesus is banned in our school and why we ''hate'' him and his ''cruel'' Ten Commandments! Only weak, ''inferior'' people like you believe that ''nonsense!''
** He seems to have gotten part of his information about evolution from {{Devo}}.
---> "... We lost our tails!"
** "... You'll be in a lake of fire with millions of others who believe we evolved from monkeys!"
---> "In the '''beginning''', we came from ''goo''!"
---> "You're dangerous! They don't teach '''''that''''' in school! We came from monkeys, you '''''sicko!'''''"
** Cathy ''told'' you that I died for you, but '''YOU REJECTED ME!'''
** Chick talking to himself.
--->'''Tyler:''' There ''are'' no absolutes.
--->'''Chick's asterisk:''' Lie! Here's an '''absolute''': the words of God!
** Tyler's mother explains morals.
--> Mother: It's up to you, Tyler. '''Evolution does away with morals.'''
--> Tyler: Wow, ''anything'' goes! What's to keep me from becoming a '''god?'''
* [[http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XJLRjfe57DI/R2Cxzptx0aI/AAAAAAAAAz4/o9PUVvaMXug/s1600-h/1017_21.gif I FEEL SOOOOOO CLEAN!]]
* '''YAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!''' -- screamed by victims of a poison gas attack. This probably violates the laws of biology.
* [[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0071/0071_01.asp Doesn't this information upset you?]] '''It should, beloved!'''
** "[[CriticalResearchFailure The Sun God]], [[DarthWiki/WallBanger Osiris]]?"
* One page from ''[[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1021/1021_01.asp Something In Common?]]'' includes these gems:
--> "''I'm'' a Buddhist and ''you'' don't exist!''
--> "[[SymbolSwearing @!!!** !!]] There's nothing wrong with adultery or lying!"
** "But the papa wasn't human... God was the daddy..."
** Forbidden Fruit not being apples, but some sort of speckled... pickle?
*** The Forbidden Fruit was never stated to be apples in the Bible, so that's one thing he actually got right.
** "Grrr, kill him."
** Will sinners go to heaven? [[BigNo NO!]] '''''[[LargeHam THAT'S BAD NEWS!]]''''' So ''where'' do all the sinners go when they die? [[DisproportionateRetribution We're all going to hell]]. '''''[[CaptainObvious That's NOT cool!]]'''''
** The "I'm a Buddhist" line would seem to be based on a very loose interpretation of Buddhism. Buddhists believe that all people are reflections of a single greater being and that individuality is only an illusion. That's quite a bit different from saying "no one but me exists" but hey, Chick isn't exactly known for his understanding of other religions.
* [[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0094/0094_01.asp Tomorrow, a healer's gonna tell us about The Mother Goddess...]]
--> [[ClarkesThirdLaw We inserted microchips to increase the pain!]]
* In ''Unloved'':
--> I'm '''''UNWANTED, UNLOVED, DISOWNED...''''' and the doctor says I'm dying of '''''CANCER!'''''"
** The man's about to jump. A man comes up to him and starts telling him about Jesus. The first man says this:
---> "This better be good, or I'm going to jump!"
* Any panel where a silhouetted angel casually tosses someone into the Lake of Fire.
* The lizard - supposedly Satan in serpent form - in ''In the Beginning''. Geez, has Chick ever seen an ''actual'' serpent?
** Also, the evangelist looks just like David "Are you serious?" Silverman, an ''atheist''.
** In the Bible, God supposedly punished the snake by taking away his legs, so that's something else Chick actually got right.
* Giant Faceless God.
* "What should I do, Jesus?!"
--> "Bang on the door!"\\
"Okay!"
* His "native" tract is particularly fun:
** God is a [[YouCannotGraspTheTrueForm gleaming]] EldritchAbomination who eternally damns his children. (Scarily, the first part is one of the few parts of Literature/TheBible Chick gets right.)
** The shaved heads and long hair. Long hair on men is a symbol of the American Indian Movement, so we'll give him credit for that; but it still has UnfortunateImplications.
** Being against having uranium tailings in your water is a sin! Being a teetotaller is a sin!
** Naturally, if you don't have long hair, then you have a mohawk.
* In ''[[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0041/0041_01.asp Flight 144]]'', Chick introduces a typically jolly, respectable-looking Christian evangelist missionary couple who have been running a charity in Africa their whole careers AND dutifully proselytizing the entire time. They get on a plane, which crashes, and then they get sent to hell [[CantGetAwayWithNuthin for not believing in Jesus hard enough]].
** Actually that was for not [[strike: shoving their beliefs down people's throats]] converting enough people. Yeah, if Creator/JackChick is right, [[JerkassGods God is a jerk]].
** From what I understand, the missionaries thought that they would get rewarded for all that nice stuff they did. Salvation by works, in other words. Christians, according to Chick, are supposed to view themselves as utterly worthless and deserving of Hell in order to receive grace.
* The picture linked to under ArsonMurderAndJaywalking from the main page, especially the snarling Sikh who's going to stab you with his giant kirpan.
* "You're going to meet the '''''death''''' angel."
* Apparently, even mentioning the word "Hell" is no longer acceptable in household conversation, according to "Going Down?"
** [[TheSimpsons "I sure as hell can't talk about hell without saying 'hell'."]]
* [[SadistShow "Oh man, this is awesome!]] [[DisproportionateRetribution He's killing his own brother!"]]
** In the original version it was "Hey man, this is outta sight!" which is arguably funnier.
* At chick.com, there are randomised "Tract Myths" and other adlike things at the bottom of each tract page. [[http://media.chick.com/images/Tract_Myths/myth_2.jpg Tract Myth #3]], which is about shyness, features a young girl hiding her face. She looks more like she's [[FacePalm facepalming]] at the Chick Tract.
** [[http://media.chick.com/images/Tract_Myths/myth_16.jpg Another good one]] features a man making a ridiculously cartoonish angry face, with the caption "Ever fear you'll get this if you witness? Try Chick Tracts... people love 'em!". So... what makes them different from witnessing?
* In [[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1026/1026_01.asp the comic about guardian angels]], the angel leaving after one masturbation too many and the random Satanic guy who tries to stab the hero and gets foiled by his angel. Priceless.
* The kid hero of "The Little Sneak" getting tragically [[http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/ChickTract_TheLittleSneak_8380.jpg killed by lightning]].
* The panel in ''Here, Kitty Kitty'' that depicts what looks like God casually tossing Jesus down to Earth from a cloud.
* There is a drawing by Jack Chick showing people fighting over a Chick Tract. He put that out claiming that it's how people react to the tracts. Considering that you can find them for free in a lot of public places (or read them on his website), this is somewhat hard to believe.
* The tract "Crazy Wolf," which is all about how Native Americans worship Satan, is batshit insane through and through, but the moment when the Indian guy tells Old Mary that he's going to convert to Christianity is particularly funny.
-->''And he did! ''And Satan went '''NUTS!'''''''
* Surprisingly, "[[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5014/5014_01.asp Payback]]" manages to do this to Jezebel's FamilyUnfriendlyDeath, particularly when you see a dog burping after finishing eating her corpse, and the preacher/narrator's [[CaptainObvious description]] of it.
-->''When the dogs were finished with Jezebel, not much was left. '''''It was pretty gross'''''.''
* The face (despite its realistic style) and the caption on the second panel of page 12 of the tract "[[http://chick.com/reading/tracts/0272/0272_01.asp Killer Storm]]":
-->''It's raining! Gasp! Noah was right after all!''
* Goliath's face in [[https://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0282/0282_01.asp The Terminator]] looks straight out of ''Franchise/PlanetOfTheApes''.
* It's small compared to most of these, but in The Missing Day there's DROOL and GULP [[UnsoundEffect Unsound Effects]]. Understanding what is and is not a sound effect seems to be one of the consistent weaknesses of the tracts, though.
* In [[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5003/5003_01.asp Sin City]], a gay reverend is preaching to a man in the hospital about how God loves everyone, including homosexuals. A man in the hall overhears this and bursts through the door to stop him. This laughable attempt at a BigDamnHeroes moment would be narmy enough on its own, but then he screams the words, "I'm going to pray '''''right''''' now!" Oh snap!
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