Mark Robert "Bill" Bailey (born 13 January 1964) is a popular British stand-up comedian and musician. He is known for his role on ''Series/BlackBooks'' and appearances on ''Series/{{QI}}'', ''Series/NeverMindTheBuzzcocks'' (where he was a team captain for quite some time, replacing Sean Hughes), ''Series/HaveIGotNewsForYou'' and ''Series/{{Spaced}}''. He has also had small parts in movies such as ''Film/HotFuzz''; ''Film/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy'' movie adaptation (as a falling sperm whale); ''Film/RunFatBoyRun'', and a few others. He also can be seen appearing as a trick dog obsessed father in Series 2 of ''Series/{{Skins}}'', and as some kind of paramilitary lumberjack in a single episode of ''Series/DoctorWho''.

Bailey is an incredibly talented musician, a very funny comedian [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} who launches into non-sequiturs a lot]], and he resembles an overgrown, hairy Klingon troll. But is lovable nonetheless.

Not to be confused with [[Series/CashCab Ben Bailey]]. Or [[Music/GunsNRoses Axl Rose]] (who was called Bill Bailey in childhood). Or [[Series/TheBobNewhartShow Bill]] [[Series/IDreamOfJeannie Daily]]. Or [[Theatre/{{Cats}} Bill Bailey/Tumblebrutus]]. Or the man referred to in the song, "[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Won%27t_You_Come_Home_Bill_Bailey (Won't You Come Home) Bill Bailey]]".
!Tropes associated with Bill Bailey:
* NinetyPercentOfYourBrain: Early in his stand-up career, Bill used to tell a joke encouraging the audience to use their untapped brain potential, otherwise Mother Nature would step in and use evolution to erode it away.
* AlliterativeName
* ArchEnemy: Music/ChrisDeBurgh.
** In the ''Part Troll'' show Bailey provides photographic proof that de Burgh is actually [[UsefulNotes/OsamaBinLaden Osama bin Laden]] without the beard.
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: His "Scale of evil" included [[UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler Hitler]], [[UsefulNotes/JosefStalin Stalin]] and Music/ChrisDeBurgh.
* AsLongAsItSoundsForeign: Parodied with his [[InTheStyleOf "Kraftwerk"]] [[CrowningMomentOfFunny Hokey Cokey]].
* AttentionDeficitOohShiny: He explains the lacklustre conclusion of the ''Series/{{Countdown}}'' theme music as the result of the performer being distracted by a bee.
* AudienceParticipation: In ''Part Troll'', Bill has the audience produce a single clap all at the same time. He notes that it sounds like a giant breaking a piece of wood in half, and goes on to mime this.
** In one show he got the audience to shout out 'barnacle', before [[LampshadeHanging pointing out how odd it was that he was in a position to tell an entire room full of people to shout out 'barnacle' at the same time]]. He decided it was akin to a "middle-class mugging".
** On ''Series/{{QI}}'', when discussing the transfer of textspeak to other aspects of daily life, Bill Bailey had the audience say "LOL" in unison, with no emotion, as a possible future of stand-up comedy.
* AudienceParticipationSong:
** In "Midnight at Parliament Square", he gets the audience to provide the noises of various animals and homeless people.
** He also has the audience join in for a few chorus' of the "Hey! ASDA!" Song, along with some film-bites of random members of the public doing the same.
** While talking about TheKillers' "All The Things That I've Done", he encourages anyone who goes to see the band and is prompted to sing "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier" to instead respond with the equally logical "I've got ham but I'm not a hamster".
-->'''Bill''': "Are they singing 'ham/hamster'?... [[MilkingTheGiantCow WHY THAT BILL BAILEY!]]" Because that's how Brandon Flowers talks - like a [[DastardlyWhiplash 1950s villain]].
* BaldOfAwesome: Mixed with long flowing hair.
* BerserkButton: Yes, he's heard all of the "Won't You Come Home, Bill Bailey?" jokes.
** On one episode of ''Series/{{QI}}'', the song was the noise his buzzer made when he pressed it. He began to get frustrated by it near the middle of the episode and started to push Alan Davies' button instead of his to ring in.
** English footballers are starting to become something of a BerserkButton for him, by his rants about them in ''Tinselworm'' and ''Dandelion Mind.'' In the former, he contemptuously refers to them as "borderline rapists whose job it is to shepherd a bit of leather into an outdoor cupboard." And in the latter...
--> A bunch of useless, ''turf-kicking, knuckle-dragging, monobrowed... '''millionaire... ILLITERATES!!!'' '''
* BlatantLies: [[LampshadeHanging Lampshaded]] when he discusses the composition methods of Dmitri Valenkov, who he describes as "largely fictitious".
* {{Cargo Cult}}:
** The crowd at the Dublin O2 began worshipping Bill's Oud. ''"Ooooooouuuuuuuuuuddd."''
** In a BBC interview about the [[Series.DoctorWho Doctor Who]] 2011 Christmas special, Bill mentions his Twitter followers' WildMassGuessing about what role he's going to play. Somebody guessed he'll be playing an Ood.
* CatchPhrase: Whenever a show is going off the rails - especially when he's confused by attempts at audience participation or hecklers - Bill will claim that "we're crossing the International Punch Line."
* ChekhovsSkill: During his show ''Qualmpeddler'', Bill mentions that as a young actor, he tried listing a number of bizarre skills to see if the industry papers would publish them in his profile. These included "able to dress as a beefeater playing the tuba", "good around poultry", "can perform on top of a step ladder", and "capable of imitating a Japanese accent". Later in the show, he shows a clip of him appearing in [[{{Japandering}} a bizarre Japanese advert]] where he dresses as a beefeater, passes a chicken around and plays a tuba up a step ladder.
* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}
* CoolOldGuy: Increasingly. Bill makes a very intentional effort to keep his material current and sincerely appeal to younger fans without seeming patronising. When not jamming to oddly awesome musical medleys or lambasting the mediocrity of the UK, he lampoons the silliness of internet culture.
* DamnedByFaintPraise: As part of his ''Remarkable Guide to the Orchestra'', Bill quotes a passage from ''The Sprightly Companion'' which describes the sound of an oboe as 'not much inferior to the trumpet'.[[note]]The author most likely meant the word in the sense of "subordinate" rather than "worse".[[/note]]
* DescentIntoDarknessSong: An OTT ObsessionSong that [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=js4GepPNQro starts a bit depressed]]. Only a bit, mind you. Then it goes serenely upbeat and joyous, followed by being unbelievably angry and unhappy.
** Also, the 'hidden middle section' of the ''Series/MagicRoundabout'' theme.
* GenreShift: "The Leg of Time" is prog-rock, but also has a Cockney bit.
* HeavyMithril: Prog rock [[InTheStyleOf tribute-cum-parody]] [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sc79m1X-mXU "The Leg of Time"]] strays into this territory.
* InTheStyleOf: Bailey does this at least once a show, often combining it with LyricalDissonance.
* {{Japandering}}: Discussed and spoofed in one routine about going to Tokyo, seeing a Beatles tribute band and doing a cup-ramen ad [[spoiler: with him in a Beefeater outfit calming down an irate schoolteacher with a chicken and tuba-wailing.]]
* JoggersFindDeath: Even provides the page quote.
* KnockKnockJoke: [[DefiedTrope Defied]] in Bill's inner monologue, in which he responds to himself, "Don't say 'knock knock', just knock!" before going off at a tangent.
* {{Medley}}:
** The Cockney Rock Medley; a selection of 1980's hits being played in the style of a cockney working men's club pianist.
** In one routine, Bill recounts being stopped at airport security and questioned about his kazoo, upon which he demonstrated a tune, which he begins playing for the audience. The security personnel confiscated the kazoo after said tune turned into a medley of 80s hits.
* MinskyPickup: Bill calls it the "Basic Cockney intro" and claims that it's present in [[Music/LudwigVanBeethoven Beethoven]]'s ''Moonlight Sonata''.
* MundaneMadeAwesome:
** Unlike the relaxing themes of US news channels, the BBC news theme "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTy-kyFZQ-g sounds like some kind of apocalyptic rave]]."
** His description of the Argos catalogue.[[note]] A kind of mail-order catalogue, only without the mail - instead you order the goods from the catalogue in an Argos store, and then wait for them to arrive from the stockroom.[[/note]]
---> "The LAMINATED '''BOOK''' OF '''''DREAMS!'''''" "Why is it laminated?" "TO CATCH THE '''[[TearsOfJoy TEARS OF]]''' '''''[[TearsOfJoy JOY!]]'''''" "So many ''beautiful'' things, I cannot possess them all!"
* NaziGold: Became the subject of a routine after a charity gig sponsored by a Swiss Bank explicitly asked him not to make any jokes about Nazi Gold. [[WhatAnIdiot Never tell a comedian]] [[TemptingFate not to make jokes about something.]]
* ObfuscatingStupidity: In real life, Bill is a naturally gifted musician and highly intelligent. However, in his shows, he often portrays himself as awkward, disheveled, bumbling and somewhat dense, right before launching into a highly detailed parable about classical music and existential philosophy.
** Can cross over the lines of AbsentMindedProfessor cross DitzyGenius at sometimes, though. There are a few tangents that come from nowhere and go somewhere, but not somewhere within the orbital perimeter of Jupiter. They just take flight and [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} keep on going...]]
* OncePerEpisode: It's become a staple that the endings of his concert recordings will include Kevin Eldon joining him on stage to perform songs in the style of Kraftwerk.
* RealityBreakingParadox: One of Bill's attempts at telling a joke ends with one of the characters in the joke violating Gibbs' Paradox and causing the universe to melt.
* SophisticatedAsHell: The foundation of the Chaucer Pubbe Gagge.
-->"Three fellows wenten into a pubbe\\
And gleefullie their hands did rubbe\\
In expectacioun of revelrie,\\
For 'twas the hour known as 'happie'."
* StupidStatementDanceMix: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXmXguwkbzg Drum 'n' Bush]]
* SubliminalSeduction: The backmasking variant is parodied: one of his gags is to 'rewind' a portion of his act and throw in nonsense messages like "donkeys are aliens, donkeys are aliens."
* SurrealHumor: very much the purveyor of surrealistic humor. A lot of his material wanders into {{Metaphorgotten}} territory, subsequently gets lost, and then decides to build a shack out of fern leaves in order to ponder the existential interpretation of the leprechaun.
* ThemeTune: A lot of TV theme tunes are discussed and/or [[InTheStyleOf rendered in a different style]]. In addition to those mentioned elsewhere on the page, we have:
** ''Series/EastEnders'', which he likens to "a wheelbarrow full of cold porridge being pushed up a plank and dumped into a skip" and gives the theme tune the lyrics "Everyone is going to die". Also played on sitar (well, on guitar with sitar-flavoured effects on the amp) in ''Part Troll''.
** ''Series/DoctorWho'' in Belgian jazz style.
--->Exterminez-vous! Exterminez-vous encore!
** ''Series/{{Panorama}}'', played backwards by an orchestra.
** The BBC snooker theme, which apparently gets cut short because the unplayed portion cuts into Music/{{Nirvana}}'s ''Smells Like Teen Spirit''.
** ''TheMagicRoundabout'' with the hidden demonic section after four hours of the normal theme-tune.
** The "Match of the Day" theme tune has been subjected to tone adjustments, rendering it 1) with the Alberti bass, 2) the "lounge version", 3) the "Eastern European cartoon theme", 4) a UsefulNotes/NorthKorea-inspired march, and 5) a "Jewish folk song" in ''Qualmpeddler''.
* {{Theremin}}: Part of his standard keyboard setup, used in many of his musical routines.
** On the ''Part Troll'' DVD's Video Diary extra, Bill meets a fan who has built a theremin from a kit and ''[[CrowningMomentOfAwesome installed it inside a garden gnome]]''.
* UsefulNotes/TheWestCountry: Bill is from Bath, Somerset. Every time the music of The Wurzels is played on ''Series/NevermindTheBuzzcocks'' (and when they appeared), he stands and salutes them as heroes.
* WithLyrics: He has done this for a number of instrumental TV theme tunes, perhaps most notably ''Series/{{Mastermind}}'': "You're ALL GOING TO DIEEEEEEEEE...DAH-DAH!"
* WordSaladLyrics: "The Leg of Time" has a few of these, such as "Ride a white pig to the edge of Lapland" and "Magical chanting is no crime/when you're suckled by a blind Alsatian".
** As does the "Dandelion Mind" song.