-->'''Raphael''': ''Cricket?'' Nobody understands cricket! You gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!\\
'''Casey''': I'll teach you. (''launches Raph into the air and into a trash can with one solid WHACK!'') See? Six runs.
-->- ''TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles''
[[quoteright:329:http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Cricket.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:329:Any questions?]]
[[caption-width-right:329:What about left handed?]]
[[caption-width-right:329:Just reverse it,ok!]]
[[caption-width-right:329:Which way?]]
[[caption-width-right:329:Along the Y axis, switching the on and off legs.]]

Describe CricketRules here. (Cricket does not have rules, it has laws. Cricket is serious business.)

No, really, please do; it seems to be some [[DivideByZero organized]] [[LogicBomb form of]] {{Calvinball}}.

----
The laws of cricket are complex, but in VideoGameGenres terms at the core are game mechanics shared with baseball and softball:
* A strike zone, which the batter defends from the bowler (pitcher). In baseball, this is a loosely defined area defined by the umpire. In cricket, it is the area defined by those three wooden sticks in the ground: the stumps. When the ball hits the stumps, that's a strike.
* The batter hits the ball to score runs and is out if the hit is caught on the full. Further is usually better, and hitting the ball into the crowd brings the most runs with no possibility of getting out. Cricket allows hits through the full 360 degrees around the batter.
* Except for the big hits to the crowd, the batters must run between bases to score, and will be out if the fielding side gets the ball back first. The white crease lines near the stumps are equivalent to base plates and mark the safe zone for batters. Instead of standing on a base or tagging the runner, the fielders "tag" the stumps.


An explanation garnered from experiences getting drunk in pubs that had cricket on in the background is as follows:

It's [[{{Dissimile}} like baseball]], except
* There are only two innings with 10 outs (wickets) each.
** Literally two innings, too. Cricket never uses the singular "inning", just "innings".
** Those are the 'Test' matches. There are one day matches too, which are way better if you cannot handle the sheer exhilaration, tension and shifting fortunes of five days of concentrated play. Both teams bat for fifty overs. (One over has six balls.) This troper comes from a country where cricket is God, and there, it's hard to budge the men from the television when a one day match is on. The newest trend is twenty-twenty, where both teams bat for twenty overs.
*** They're still referred to as innings though. Innings don't particularly have a measure, except for the length of time that a team are out at the 'crease'.
***Pehaps the best definition of 'an innings' is 'your turn to be 'in' until you are 'out' '.
* If a team is lazy and winning, they can just stop batting and end the innings.
**This is offically known as "declaring". This is often done because the teams are given a limited time to finish the match and if the match is not concluded by then, the match is a draw... Thus a batting team that is doing particularly well will want to declare at some point so they can hopefully bowl the opposing team out before time runs out... Or as TOW puts it, "A captain considering declaration must balance the risks of declaring too early (thus setting too low a target for the opposing team) against those of declaring too late or not at all (thus causing a draw by leaving insufficient time to complete the match)."
* Instead of four bases, there are two groups of sticks in the ground called "wickets".
* Instead of a round bat, the cricket bat is flat on one side, making it [[BatterUp ideal for hitting people]] who owe you money without leaving a bruise. The flatness also gives it edges, for when you ''do'' want to leave a bruise. ShaunOfTheDead had the right idea.
* Teams are referred to in the plural; thus, "Bangladesh aren't winning", rather than "Bangladesh isn't winning" -- this isn't, in fact, a cricket thing at all, but ordinary non-American English grammar.
**e.g. 'The team are on the pitch' (all members of the team), 'the teams are on the pitch' (both teams), 'the team is on the pitch' (one team) but not 'the teams is on the pitch'.
*** Except they wouldn't be on the pitch, they'd be on the field. The pitch is the brown bit in the middle, and unlike most places, in cricket you stay off the bit that doesn't have grass.
* The pitcher (bowler) is allowed a run-up like a javelin thrower (but, like a tennis server, doesn't have to remain behind his line once the ball's on its way), and usually bounces the ball on the way to the batter (called a batsman). Standing behind the batsman is the wicket-keeper (analogous to a catcher).
** [[BlatantLies This is the origin of the British slang for the dominant and submissive parties in a homosexual relationship, "the bowler" and "the wicket keeper".]]
*Standing at the bowler's end of the wicket is a second batsman. The two batsmen will cross over when running, meaning if an odd number of runs is taken, the batsman who is at the bowler's end will have switched places with the previous batsman, and thus will be at the striking end.
* Bowling underarm is frowned upon... especially when the other side needs to hit a six off the last ball. Underarm bowling has actually been banned in one-day cricket. It's still technically legal in tests, but nobody ever does it. The most famous incident occured in 1981, causing [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Underarm_bowling_incident_of_1981 quite a stir]] although originally under and side arm bowling were the norm and ladies' teams changed to overarm bowling on account of the fact that they kept whacking their hands on their skirt hoops painfully.
* The bowler isn't trying to strike the batsman out, but trying to hit the wicket, and cause it to EXPLODE! That or smack the legs of the batsman (batter) when they're directly in front of the stumps (wicket)... or even to tempt him into making an unwise shot, resulting in getting caught.
* When you score a run, instead of leaving the field (pitch), you can keep running. After all, one 'run' in cricket is much swifter a process than making it back home in baseball/softball. As such, scores almost always reach triple figures.
* Since no one (except the wicket keeper) uses gloves, it's much harder to get an out; hence, games can last 5 days, complete with tea breaks (since this is the Commonwealth).
* There are [[LogicBomb exactly ten-ish]] ways to get the batsman out:
** A fielder catching the ball.
** The bowler hitting the wicket and causing it to fall apart.
** Being tagged out at the base. However, since cricket doesn't have bases and the British don't like personal contact, it actually involves throwing the ball at the wicket causing it to fall apart.
*** Or merely touching it with the ball while the batsman is...you know what? It's just an incomprehensible sport, even to those of us who play it.
****This troper thought being run out was a pretty simple concept to grasp... There is a line a short distance in front of the wicket and the batsman crossing this line (note that he is allowed to use his bat as an extension of his arm for this) is essentially the same as reaching a base in baseball (I.E. he is safe), except that it also scores a run unless the batsman backtracks (I.E. Returns to the same end of the pitch he started from),... If the fielders manage to hit the wicket with the ball (this is suppsoed to be done by throwing the ball, but striking the wicket with one's hands while one is holding the ball is permissable, though usually only the wicket keeper or bowler will be close enough to their respective wickets to do this) prior to the batsman crossing the line, the batsman is out.
** Being stumped, which is when the batsman gets bored and wanders away from where he's supposed to be (steps off the batting plate, and is then tagged out by the wicket-keeper).
** The batsman getting tired of playing and hitting the wicket with his own bat.
** Handling the ball and hitting the ball twice, which sound like things a bowler would do to a wicket keeper he really liked, but is really much [[strike:less]] more interesting.
*** Unless the ball is going on to hit the wickets in which case you can hit it away from the wickets.
** There are also two ways a batsman can get out by being an idiot: "Obstructing the Field" (which only one batsman in the history of test match cricket has ever been dismissed for), and Time Wasting (which ''no'' batsmen in the history of test match cricket have ever been dismissed for).
** There is the cryptically named "leg before wicket" (LBW), which basically involves blocking a ball that would have otherwise hit the wicket with your leg. Working this out may involve a television replay, an extraordinarily powerful computer, some tarot cards, and up to several million people around the world providing [[strike:threats on your life]] their two cents and just to make it more complocated still the ball hitting the batsman's leg can be treated as an ordinary hit and used to score runs if the umpire thinks it wasn't LBW, this is called Leg Byes and can be really painfull depending on whether you've got decent or any pads on.
***It is traditional for the bowler, and any other enthusiastic team mates, to scream 'HOWZAT!!!' at the Umpire if they think they have an LBW shout. Or if the ball was vaguely bowled in the direction of the wicket and hit the batter's legs. Or bat. Or the ground at their feet. Or missed them entirely. This optimism backfires if they annoy the Umpires with it as the Umpires are likely to get their own back when [=LBWs=] actually happen.
** [[BeyondTheImpossible The eleventh of the ten ways]] is when particularly tired batsmen who are bored of humiliating their crap opposition may simply be Retired Out to let one of their mates have a go. Only ever happened twice in a Test, and both in the same match (when Sri Lanka were whomping Bangladesh); slightly more common in lower-grade games.
* Instead of a dugout, the waiting batsmen get a nice little house (pavilion) to wait in, where they can drink tea and eat sandwiches, or sit on the veranda and enjoy the sunshine. If it's sunny. If it's raining, or just a bit cloudy, ''everyone'' goes into the pavilion and drinks tea. Occasionally, the umpires will come out, wander around the pitch a bit, decide it's still not sunny enough, and go back in.
* Every 6 pitches (called an "over"), the bowler switches out and a new bowler bowls from the other end of the pitch. There are usually two bowlers, who switch with each other every over.
** There are ''invariably'' at least two bowlers, as no bowler may bowl two consecutive overs, and except in very bizarre circumstances there will be four or more, usually taking turns as one after the other tires or conditions change to suit a different style of bowling, such as pace, swing, reverse swing, seam, off-cutters, leg-cutters, off-breaks, leg-breaks, googlies, chinamen or doosras.
* There are a limit to the number of overs in an innings in One Day and Twenty20. Thus, the game can turn into a race against the clock to attempt to beat the other team's score before they run out of overs.
**There are many people who do not accept limited overs matches (especially Twenty20) to be 'real' cricket. [[InternetBackdraft Do]] '''''[[InternetBackdraft not]]''''' [[InternetBackdraft get involved in a discussion on this subject]] unless you really want to talk about how great Test Cricket is for several hours--especially with anyone who has played Test Cricket, is 'of a certain age', or is a Sky Sports or 5 Live Commentator.
*** Best bet is to watch [[ThatMitchellAndWebbLook The Full Number of Overs that are Scheduled to be Bowled That Day]]
* If it rains during one of these games, instead of just calling the whole thing off you get into something called the Duckworth-Lewis Method, a technique for reading chicken entrails which will find out what should happen next. Often controversial and applied incorrectly, most recently when a West Indies captain called his team in, thinking they'd win by one run, but instead lost by two runs to England.
* When you ask the score of the game (match), people will unhelpfully tell you "70 for 5" instead of just telling you the scores of the two teams. 70 for 5 means that the team at bat scored 70 runs while losing 5 wickets. To make thinks more confusing, in Australia it will be "5 for 70" instead, presumably because their toilets run counter-clockwise (anti-clockwise (widdershins)).
* The cricket version of a home run is when the ball is hit past a cord that lays around the perimeter of the field, and is worth four points, or six if it goes over without hitting the ground. If you've ever heard someone use the term "knocked for six" to refer to someone being knocked off their feet or otherwise struck with great force, this is where it comes from.
* Something exciting happens about once ever[[strike:y two days]]. At other times, the commentators - especially on Test Match Special on the radio - will usually be talking about the cake that a listener has sent them, or what species the bird that's hopping across mid-off leg is.
* In theory, women can play as well, but you don't see it much.
* To make the game appeal to fans of football (soccer), if something or other doesn't happen at the end of the time limit of the game, the game is a draw, meaning that the team that is losing will often "play for the draw". [[BlatantLies In the case of a draw, both teams will line up in a scrum for a penalty kick-out.]]
* Their version of the World Series is called the World Cup and involves countries you don't care about (Sri Lanka) in matches against countries that don't exist (West Indies) dominated by countries that are actually more like states or provinces (Scotland), though it did get its name when it had multiple countries.
** As opposed to the World Series, which is only played by 1 1/2 countries.
** There are currently only World Cups for the ODI (50 over) and Twenty20 (20 over) forms of the game. A Test World Cup was tried once, but rather predictably failed...we think. Some people say the matches might still be going on.
* Instead of errors, there are extras (sundries), which are much like errors, except they count as a point (run) and are given out like candy.
* There are far more fielding positions than a team could possibly cover all at once. These positions have names that range from the bizarre to the frankly "silly". There is a whole set of places with names like "silly mid off" which apparently involve standing closer to the batsman than prudence would dictate.
**In fact, fielders in "silly" positions (especially silly mid on) will occasionally bring out a baseball catcher mask to avoid ending up with a broken nose or eye socket. See [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hm4aMRB231o this]] video to get an idea of exactly how silly these positions are.
***It might be worth noting that the victim in the above video is the captain of the Australian national side. SoYeah.
* The Batsman is never obliged to attempt to get to the next base. If he hits it weakly, he just stands there. This has caused consternation to many a cricketer's team mates, as this seems to happen much more after the lunch breaks.
* The Batsman carries his bat with him when running from wicket to wicket. [[BlatantLies This is so the batter (batsman) may defend his honour while running.]]
* There is something called a sticky wicket. It's not as obscene as it sounds, but it does involve moist heat.
* Instead of ball boys there are bat boys, which [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bat_Boy_(character) sounds really awesome]] but is pretty much the same.
* Oh, and did we mention that the the ball can be batted in ''any'' direction? Now you know why there are so many field positions...

...[[{{Dissimile}} So I suppose it's not much like baseball at all]]. However, it's still similar, in that:
* The uniforms (kits) are patently ridiculous. (Australia's involves a sweater vest and optional fisherman's hat.)
** Test uniforms are all white, while One Day and Twenty20 uniforms are garish colours. Luckily, none nowadays are as bad as the West Indies' pink and New Zealand's beige from the 70s and early 80s.
* There is a complex method for scoring the game at home that involves cryptic abbreviations and massive amounts of beer (flat piss (bitters)).
** This generates all manner of vaguely relevant statistics, ideal for nerds to obsess over.
* The game lasts much longer that it needs to, ranging from [[TheyJustDidntCare Twenty20 matches]] (which last a couple hours too long, but can have cheerleaders if you like that sort of thing) to [[BoredomMontage Test cricket]] (which lasts 5 days too long).
* The batsman is sometimes hit by the ball. But because the English are real men, this is a perfectly legitimate thing for the bowler to do. Bowlers frequently target lower order batsmen in particular with short pitched deliveries, sometimes called 'up the throat', that would be easily avoidable were they any good, with the result that many are hit (as they don't get out of the way) or panic and get out. If hit there is no penalty. They cannot use this tactic too much or it is considered intimidating in an unsportsmanlike fashion.
** This tactic led to one of the most infamous events in the game when England used it for the first time against Australia in 1932. It [[SeriousBusiness caused a diplomatic incident]] between the two countries and led to a change in the rules regarding fielding.
*** As a footnote, the "Windies" used the same tactic against the same England team in 1933, and England still won. [[TakeThat Without whinging, either]].
**** Not that it matters since, as with all sport, any game the English can play, Australians can play better. Its a Fact!

Understanding a single word of this, and thus having the faintest idea of what's going on at any point during the game, is not actually a requirement for enjoying cricket as a spectator.

Like all good sports it has its own highly bizarre language of convoluted terms. The Other Wiki has a very good list [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cricket_terminology here]]

[[DMMAus David Morgan-Mar]] (of [[IrregularWebcomic Irregular Webcomic]] fame) has also provided a comprehensive, comprehensible and highly informative cricket page [[http://www.dangermouse.net/cricket here]]

Another great site for everything and anything cricket related is http://www.cricinfo.com
Trust me, this game is far [[BetterThanItSounds better than it is made to sound!]]

A more accessible version of cricket is Beach Cricket (or Backyard Cricket), played all over Australia. It requires a cricket bat (of any material), a tennis ball, a dog to retrieve the tennis ball, and pretty much anything can be substituted for the wickets. The goal is to make sure everybody gets a turn at both batting and bowling.

Let's consult [[http://www.eliteskills.com/z/149741 this best-selling tea towel]]'s guide to the rules of cricket!:
--> Cricket, as explained to a foreigner:
-->You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
-->When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.

And here's the field diagram in [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi0K0V-SBEc video form]] courtesy of ''NoReservations''.

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Like in football, [[strike: England]] [[strike: Australia]] [[strike: England]] [[strike: Canada]] [[AcceptableTargets America]] are generally hopeless.

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'''[[TheStinger HOWZAT!]]'''