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[[caption-width-right:350:[-[[Series/SesameStreet One]]! [[Creator/DaveChappelle Two! Three! Three left hooks to]] [[Literature/{{Twilight}} your]] [[BishieSparkle sparkly]] face! [[http://poopbear.deviantart.com/art/Down-for-the-Count-153668816 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!]]-] ]]

->''"You don't know how to change your body into mist or a bat. You can't heal any of your gunshot wounds. And now that you're out of bullets, you can't even defend yourself. You ''dare'' to call yourself Nosferatu? You disgust me!"''
-->-- '''Alucard''', ''Manga/{{Hellsing}}''

A consequence of the OurVampiresAreDifferent trope. This is a form of TakeThat where one author takes a shot at another author for the choices they made in depicting vampires, or aspects of the mythology the author finds silly.

Vampires are likely [[VampireFiction the most ubiquitous fantastic creature]] in UrbanFantasy. They are [[TheChessmaster clever]], [[VampiresAreSexGods irresistible]], enticingly [[EvilFeelsGood dangerous]], and [[{{Masquerade}} have the perfect skillset for living among humans]].

Or are they?

There are many tropes associated with vampires, few authors use all of them, and they all have opinions about which ones to use. For example, in one author's work the idea that vampires can fly might be perfectly reasonable, but the idea that they fear moving water is just silly. In another author's work it might be reversed. These two authors feel it is necessary to point out why their choice was the right one and the other guy's the wrong one. This also leads to the other vampires being mocked for both ''having'' specific weaknesses, especially the traditional ones (eg. what kind of a vampire is it that can't even withstand sunlight?), and for ''lacking'' them (what kind of a vampire walks outside in broad daylight?) In some cases, vampiric weaknesses are mocked, changed or removed despite their inclusion 'as standard' actually being more logical (eg. some works insist crosses are all about Faith - of the wielder or the vampire - despite the symbol actually representing fire and being far, far older than any religious connection would suggest).

{{Dracula}} is probably the most common vampire to be on the receiving end, since he is the source of almost every modern vampire trope, and hence embodies most of them in [[AdaptationOverdosed some]] [[AudienceColoringAdaptation version]] [[AdaptationDisplacement or]] [[LostInImitation another]]. On the modern end, ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' is another very common easy potshot for vampire parodies, partly for the opposite reason that it averts so many traditional tropes. The other two frequent targets are ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'' and Literature/TheVampireChronicles, mainly because those are the only two additional works for which [[SmallReferencePools the writers can be sure the audience will know what's being mocked.]]

This is used in vampire comedies, or at least for adding some fun in a serious vampire tale. Show the vamp [[VampiresHateGarlic garlic]]? He takes a bite. Hold out [[HolyBurnsEvil holy water]]? He drinks it down. Cross? "[[Film/TheFearlessVampireKillers Oy vey, have you got the wrong vampire!]]"

The trope sometimes occurs with other fantasy creatures -- Creator/TerryPratchett [[Literature/{{Discworld}} did it]] with [[OurDragonsAreDifferent most of his dragons]], though he includes more than passing nods to classical interpretations as well -- but an overwhelming majority of these seem to be centered on vampires. This may be due to vampires being the most common creature in UrbanFantasy, or the fact that there are so many minor and major variations on the Vampire's features, abilities, and weaknesses, rivaling even [[AllTrollsAreDifferent Trolls]]. Plus it would be difficult, for example, for ''[[TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons Dungeons & Dragons]]'' elves to comment on ''Literature/TheLordOfTheRings'' elves, since Middle-Earth doesn't exist in TabletopGame/{{Greyhawk}} -- even in fiction. One cannot have a pop culture commentary [[ConstructedWorld in a world with no pop culture]].

This trope is not just OurVampiresAreDifferent, it requires there to be a TakeThat, or at least some commentary on how ''this'' vampire is different from (and probably better than) ''other'' vampires.



[[folder:Anime & Manga]]
* {{Alucard}} from ''Manga/{{Hellsing}}'' delivers the page quote to [[EvilKnockoff Luke Valentine]]. The context: Luke, an artificial vampire, challenges Alucard to a one-on-one duel, boasting that he was engineered to be Alucard's superior. While Luke has a vampire's physical powers (SuperStrength, being resilient enough to shrug off bullets that don't incapacitate him, including one head shot, and uniquely [[FlashStep having super speed and reflexes]]), he lacks a true vampire's...''weirder'' powers. When Alucard thought he was in for [[BloodKnight the pleasure of an actual fight]], he showed off ''a fraction'' of his abilities, and Luke was sent running in terror. When Alucard realized Luke was nothing more than an overconfident rookie, he [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech dressed him down]] and killed Luke ''extra'' gruesomely for wasting his time.
** This is even {{lampshade|Hanging}}d after [[EmpoweredBadassNormal Anderson]] seems to slay him.
--->'''Integra:''' Cut off his head? Pierced his heart? He is nothing like any vampire you've ever known. Your tricks won't kill him!
** This is a similar story throughout Hellsing, and Alucard's character almost oozes this trope. His main battle strategy is to let his opponent tear him to shreds, then when they think they've won, he regenerates [[ShowyInvincibleHero just to show off how much better than them he is]] before [[CurbStompBattle curb stomping them]]. Most other vampires in the series crumble to dust when shot through the heart with [[AbnormalAmmo an explosive silver bullet]]. Much younger vampires and [[ThoseWackyNazis Millenium's]] army of [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot artificial vampire nazi soldiers]] don't even compare to Alucard, who is incredibly powerful and practically has [[ComboPlatterPowers a grab bag of superpowers]], and later his "protege" Seras Victoria; although Millenium's individual officers do have some unique and powerful abilities.
*** In one scene, Alucard casually demonstrates his superiority to all other vampires for [[SixthRanger Pip]] by [[IDoNotDrinkWine sipping wine]], sitting in [[DaywalkingVampire direct sunlight]], and traveling (by plane) [[CannotCrossRunningWater over a moving body of water]] in the most pimptastic manner he can manage. Seras, on the other hand, has to stick to the coffin for the trip, much to her displeasure, and the mere act of eating normal food and drinking human drinks causes her serious physical pain.\\\
Alucard is a special vamp on MULTIPLE levels, though. He makes every vampire -- in his own series and in every other, with the possible exception of [[TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade Caine and the Antediluvians]] -- look absolutely pathetic by comparison. [[spoiler: Especially given he's reached a point where he's less vampire, and more EldritchAbomination.]]
** In ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', the opening of the ''very first episode'' involves Alucard blowing a certain sparkly vampire into oblivion. Soon after, Seras guns his girlfriend down ''while Alucard is {{troll}}ing her''.
--->'''[[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward:]]''' Hold on. ''(goes to the door)'' Who is it?\\
'''Alucard:''' Oh, you know. ''([[MoreDakka Guns Edward down with 37 shots]])'' [[TakeThat A REAL fucking vampire!]]
* ''Manga/{{Karin}}'' gets a lot of mileage out of this. Especially in the anime where Winner's earliest episode contains a montage of Winner's various vampire traps based on traditional vampire slaying methods...with an explanation from Karin about how silly some of them are: vampires are atheist, so crosses are out. Garlic might overwhelm a vampire's delicate sense of smell, but it's not poisonous, and even Karin has no idea where the running water thing came from. Carrera also looks horrified when Kenta mentions the stakes to the heart -- because that would kill ''anyone''. Though apparently not ''everyone'' as a few vampires are shown living quite well post-staking...sunlight is about the only traditional method shown to work reliably. Shown...''[[NightmareFuel extensively]]'' at one point during a flashback of [[spoiler: the Sinclair Family executing a family of innocent vampires]].
* Evangeline A.K. [=McDowell=] from ''Manga/MahouSenseiNegima'' can go out in the sunlight easily enough. Garlic won't kill her, but she does hate it (along with leeks) which is how she was defeated in the past by Negi's father. She's also unbothered by the cross necklace that she occasionally wears. No word yet on stakes, though. While Eva explains her {{backstory}}, she notes that at first, she had all the traditional vampire weaknesses. Presumably, she eventually grew powerful enough to circumvent, or simply power past, most if not all of them.
** Sequel series ''Manga/UQHolder'' delves into this a little bit when her adopted son and sire Touta meets a time displaced version of her and notes that she needs to drink blood when he never had to (he's also perfectly fine with sunlight from the moment he's turned but crosses still hurt him).
* ''Bloody Kiss''. As soon as our poor protagonist tries to drive the vamps from "her" home, one eats the garlic (while stating that he loves it), while the other literally ''does'' toss the cross over his shoulder.
* The movie ''Vampire Wars'' had vampires that survive sunlight, have sparkly hair, and [[spoiler: are really aliens.]]
* The Pillar Men from ''Manga/JoJosBizarreAdventureBattleTendency'' actually created vampires to serve as their food source, so naturally they look down upon them, despite being pseudo-vampires themselves.

* ComicBook/{{Blade}} already hates vampires, but in the Ultimate universe, he has a recurring dream where he stalks an Edward Cullen spoof, only to wake up before he can ever kill him. He was pretty mad.
* The ''ComicBook/{{Preacher}}'' one-shot starring Cassidy makes tremendous mockery of Creator/AnneRice and the Franchise/UniversalHorror versions by way of Eccarius, a self-indulgent vampire whose pretensions and assumptions about his origins and weaknesses Cassidy mercilessly removes. And then Cassidy kills him after Eccarius reverts to type and plays out a "conversion" scene with a female admirer with lethal consequences. Of course, Cassidy eventually proves to be no better in his own way...
* ''ComicBook/{{Runaways}}'' has a vampire mockingly describe how "[Joss] Whedon got it wrong" after taking a wooden staff through the heart. Amusingly enough, several years later ''Runaways'' was being written by... Creator/JossWhedon.
** Considering the guy who wrote that, Brian K. Vaughan, ended up writing an arc of Whedon's ''[[ComicBook/BuffyTheVampireSlayer Buffy: Season 8]]'' comic around the same time Whedon started on ''Runaways'', it pretty much ''had'' to be [[AffectionateParody good-natured ribbing]].
** It should be noted some vampire breeds have the traditional weakness but [[FantasyKitchenSink in Marvel]], there are many different breeds of vampire. Like ComicBook/{{Morbius}} [[NotUsingTheZWord obviously not being a vampire]] because [[ArbitrarySkepticism that's just silly]]. Blade must pack a lot of different weapons.
*** His name should tell you what he uses most. Beheading kills most things.
*** Blade's name comes from the fact that he [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blade_(comics)#Equipment used knives with wooden blades to stake vampires.]]
* In ''ComicBook/ScareTactics'', resident vampire Screamqueen is mightily pissed when the band's manager/minder Arnie Burnsteel lines her coffin with grave dirt. She rails at the stupidity of a man who believes that the movie ''JFK'' was part of a massive disinformation campaign (Arnie is a ConspiracyTheorist) but accepts everything he sees in a Universal Horror film as gospel.
* Used in ''ComicStrip/{{Nodwick}}'' when Yeagar [[http://comic.nodwick.com/?comic=2001-07-03 refuses to acknowledge]] that [[TabletopGame/{{Ravenloft}} Count Strahd von Zarovich]] is a vampire [[Creator/AnneRice because he doesn't have a single piercing]] -- and their continued ignorance and mockery using this trope eventually [[DrivenToSuicide drives the Count to suicide]].
** In an earlier D&D-inspired comic, ''Yamara'', the vampire Persephone is a parody of the ''TabletopGame/{{Ravenloft}}''-inspired craze for unique variant vampires in D&D, as she was immune to traditional vampire-banes but vulnerable to ''laundry products''. The paladin she turned was able to transform into a giant flying squirrel instead of a bat.
* {{Lampshade|Hanging}}d in Creator/AlanMoore's ''ComicBook/TopTen'' story "Deadfellas", in which Hungarian vampires are analogous to [[TheMafia Sicilian mobsters]]. The younger vampires laugh at the older "[[VillainousWidowsPeak widow's peak]] Vlads" for their horror-movie behavior and dress style, much as the RealLife "Mustache Petes" were derided and ousted by younger and less honor-bound mobsters. It's then subverted when all the vampires turn out to have the usual weaknesses of the pop-culture versions.
* Inverted in a Munden's Bar episode in Grimjack. A vampire patron tells Gordon (the barkeep) that as they discovered different dimensions, vampires discovered MORE things that were an anathema to them. He was destroyed by someone using his weakness to Tourbots.
* A major element of ''ComicBook/AmericanVampire'' is that there are actually a multitude of Vampire types throughout the world, with wildly different appearances, powers, and weaknesses. When psychotic [[TheWildWest Wild West]] outlaw Skinner Sweet becomes the first American Vampire, he discovers that he's hit the SuperpowerLottery as he clashes with the "Carpathian" variety, (the traditional, Dracula type) and wastes no time in telling them how much they suck as he rips them to shreds.
* ''SelfDemonstrating/{{Deadpool}}'''s wife, Shiklah, is a succubus that has an ongoing war against Dracula style vampires. One day she picks up ''Twilight'' and is amazed that Dracula allows humans to mock his people so severely. She also can't stop reading it.

[[folder:Fan Works]]
* Music/TheBeatles FanFic archive Rooftop Sessions had a piece titled ''The Hunter'', narrated by a mostly FriendlyNeighborhoodVampire who briefly gets mixed up with Brian Epstein and Music/TheBeatles. This story is a sequel to another story where a vampire who acted vulnerable to the classic vampire weaknesses had selected George Harrison as a potential lunch, and so John recognizes our narrator as a vampire, calls him on it, and eventually tries to fight him off. Our narrator is resistant to most of those weaknesses, though (''sunlight'' doesn't harm him); when John tries to ward him off with a silver crucifix, our narrator takes it and ''kisses it!''
* In an interesting inversion of the norm, Dracula himself gets to ''give'' one of these speeches to the rest of the worlds vampires in a ''Cat Tales'' spin-off called ''Capes and Bats''.
* ''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZwM3GvaTRM Buffy vs Edward: Twilight Remixed:]]'' Buffy making fun of Edward's creepy behavior and then kicking his ass. Not much else to say, really.
* Moderately subverted in Chris Jones' ''Manga/RanmaOneHalf'' fanfic ''The Clan''. Vampires appear to be an all female subset of humans that primarily specialize in exorcising Eldritch Horrors from reality and prefer to drink from willing hosts. The Tendōs all eventually volunteer to become vampires to help deal with the latest incursion and this causes trouble with the Amazons who have a kill-vampires-on-sight policy. Kasumi is trying to reason with Cologne while ignoring holy water, a cross and other such weaknesses. Being her normal, mocking self, Nabiki decides to drive the point home by grab a bulb of garlic and taking a large bite out of it despite Kasumi's attempts at warning. Nabiki spends the rest of the scene vomiting as Kasumi notes that their enhanced senses make certain flavors and scents a bit much for them... Nabiki has it even worse than normal vamps since the power she got above normal powers was highly advanced senses. Nabiki's response: "But I like garlic."
* A quote like this is given by a character who's not a vampire (he's more like [[OurWerewolvesAreDifferent (but not)]] a werewolf) in [[http://tales.namco.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=77815&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 this roleplay.]]
-->'''[[VideoGame/TalesOfTheTempest Caius Qualls]]:''' Besides, vampires these days are complete wimps! Going around being all SPARKLY! Geez, [[Creator/StephenieMeyer whose]] idea was it to [[Literature/{{Twilight}} make vampires sparkle]]?!?
* Professor Literature/{{Dracula}} [[http://silverwingfox.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=96#/d26ozu2 explains]] the differences between [[Literature/{{Twilight}} bad vampires]] and awesome vampires [[Literature/TheSagaOfDarrenShan to]] [[Manga/{{Hellsing}} some]] [[Series/{{Angel}} familiar]] [[Literature/InterviewWithTheVampire faces]].
** Bonus points for having Headmaster Film/{{Nosferatu}} ''stab the sparkles coming off Edward's body''
* AppliedPhlebotinum example in ''Fanfic/TheWrongReflection'', a ''VideoGame/StarTrekOnline'' fanfic. Two Bajoran characters watch ''Film/TheFifthElement'', resulting in this comment:
--> '''Gaarra:''' That was … pretty good. Science was way off, of course.\\
'''Eleya:''' ''(bursts out laughing)'' Well, what do you expect? They didn’t know how this ''[[PardonMyKlingon shiel]]'' worked back then!
* There's a ''House'' fanfic which has House as a Van Helsing type vampire hunter, which isn't a bad idea at all but it features Wilson as a very boring vampire who never even bites anybody! (He just steals blood from the hospital.)
* Secondary antagonist Norlock from ''Fanfic/TheNewAdventuresOfInvaderZim'' is, per WordOfGod, based on the Black Court from ''Literature/TheDresdenFiles'' (ergo, a walking, monstrous corpse). He also happens to have a huge BerserkButton for the modern portrayal of vampires -- at one point, he even sets out to attack a FanConvention for a ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' knockoff movie franchise.

[[folder:Films -- Animated]]
* Near the end of ''WesternAnimation/HotelTransylvania'', Dracula (in bat form) is flying after an airplane. He looks in one window and sees Jonathan sitting in front of a screen showing ''Film/{{Twilight}}''. All he can say is "''This'' is how we're represented? Unbelievable!"

[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
* A fantastic example of this occurs in ''Film/InterviewWithTheVampire'' when Malloy starts asking Louis if he is affected by the usual vampire weaknesses, specifically mentioning crucifixes. Louis responds by saying he actually rather enjoys looking at crucifixes. He even describes such superstitions as the "ravings of a demented Irishman," a TakeThat at Creator/BramStoker. What makes this ironic is that one of the only bits of vampire lore that Anne Rice's vampires abide by is death by sunlight, which is not only ''not'' part of real vampire lore, but entered into popular culture as a plot contrivance in ''Nosferatu'' -- itself an adaption of Stoker's ''Dracula''.
* The Countess in ''Film/OnceBitten'' comments that a cross only works in movies. Besides that, she's an atheist.
* ''Film/JohnCarpentersVampires'' made fun of anything but stakes and sunlight working against the undead.
* While not really making fun of it, ''Film/BramStokersDracula'' comments on the fact that vampires aren't killed by sunlight, just as Dracula wasn't in the original novel.
* In ''Film/TheFearlessVampireKillers'', Magda holds a cross up to a newly vampirized Shagal, only to hear:
-->"[[YiddishAsASecondLanguage Oy vey]], have you got the [[UsefulNotes/{{Judaism}} wrong vampire]]."
* The Frog brothers in ''Film/TheLostBoys'' get most of their vampire-hunting lore out of comic books. When their information proves incorrect ("Garlic don't work, boys!"), it could well be taken as a TakeThat to comic-book vampirism as well as ''Dracula'', or even to comic-book reality in general. Holy water works well, too.
* Lampshaded slightly in ''Film/MyBestFriendIsAVampire'', when the professor is about to attempt to stake Ralph, the non-vampire, through the heart. Real vampire: "A stake through the heart would kill anything."
* In ''Film/FromDuskTillDawn'', virtually anything can be used as a weapon against vampires. It especially makes fun out of the whole "weakness against crosses" that vampires sometimes have, as anything that even remotely resembles a holy cross causes them to shun away. And being shot with bullets with crosses carved on the tip makes them ''[[LudicrousGibs explode.]]''
* ''[[Literature/TheSagaOfDarrenShan The Vampire's Assistant]]'': When asked if they can turn into bats, Crepsley overtly responds, "No, that's bullshit."
* In ''Film/HorrorOfDracula'', the first Film/HammerHorror film featuring Creator/ChristopherLee as the Count, Dr. Van Helsing scoffs that the idea of vampires being able to turn into wolves or bats is "a common fallacy."
* The first ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' movie goes to great lengths to show that the vampires do not have the normal weaknesses. Must be invited? Edward enters Bella's room to spy on her. Garlic? They cook Italian food for Bella. Sunlight? They are not only immune, it actually makes them sparkle. Sleeping in a coffin? They have bedrooms with normal beds (and don't even sleep). Stake through the heart? Does nothing. No reflection? The final battle is in a mirror room with clear reflections of everybody. Drinking human blood? A major plot point is the fact that, even though animal blood works just fine, Bella is especially tantalising to Edward.
** The book has a pretty big one: Carlisle keeps a giant wooden cross in his house.
* The opening lines of ''Film/RazorBladeSmile'' sum the trope up nicely: "I bet you think you know all about vampires – believe me, you know fuck all!" The movie includes the vampire main character going to goth clubs and getting into arguments over what vampires are actually like, and a brief fantasy sequence of her imagining herself turning into a bat.
* The entire ''Film/VampiresSuck'' movie mocks the vampires of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''.
* An amusing non-vampire example: ''Film/AnAmericanWerewolfInLondon'' and ''Film/TheHowling'', [[DuelingWorks/{{Film}} both released in 1981]], seem to take direct shots at each other. In ''The Howling'' a character points out that the werewolves must be killed with silver, while saying the full moon thing is just Hollywood made up stuff. In ''An American Werewolf In London'', the titular character is told by his now undead friend to commit suicide before transforming during the full moon, but when the werewolf asks if he needs silver bullets, he's told to get real!
* In the original ''Film/FrightNight1985'': "You have to have ''faith'' for that to work, Mr. Vincent!"
* In a scene of ''[[Film/FrightNight2011 Fright Night]]'' remake, one of the characters make fun of ''Twilight''.
* In ''Film/LifeBlood'', Dan attempts to throw a jar of garlic salt in Brooke's face. She sneers at him and asks if he learned that from a comic book.

* ''Literature/TheVampireChronicles'':
** ''Interview with the Vampire'':
*** Both the book and movie versions state that a vampire being killed by a hawthorne stake through the heart is a ridiculous fairy tale. And Louis ''enjoys'' looking at Holy Crosses.
*** Also, for the first half of the movie there is a scene with a mirror about every five minutes, just to make it clear to everyone that yes, they are visible.
** In ''The Vampire Lestat'':
*** Lestat approaches the goth-band who practices above his crypt and tells them he is the Vampire Lestat, and is going to be their new lead singer. Lestat is surprised when the goths are pleased he took Lestat as his stage name (having read ''Literature/InterviewWithTheVampire'') and not Dracula -- "everyone calls themselves Dracula."
*** There's a scene where Lestat reads a load of vampire books and specifically pokes fun at a scene in ''Dracula'' where the Count is shown climbing down the wall of his castle like a spider. Lestat wonders why Dracula went to all that effort when he could just have turned into a bat and ''flown'' down. There's actually what appears to be an in-universe reason for that, of all things. The novel's Dracula seems to be only able to transform into one particular creature each night (bat, wolf, mist, etc) and is mostly seen turning into a wolf at that point.
* ''Literature/NightfallSeries'': Myra looks at the vampire novels in the Resistance’s small library and thinks about how Old World fiction used to romanticize vampires. She wonders if any of the authors would exchange places with her and live the reality.
* [[Literature/DoraWilkSeries Dora Wilk]] does this to Literature/{{Twilight}}ish BishieSparkle in one of the short stories:
-->'''Dora''': ''Hey, you're not planning to [[BishieSparkle shine like Svarovski's crystals]]?''
-->''He turned to face me, very slowly.''
-->'''Roman (vampire master)''': ''One more comparison to ''Twilight'' and there'll be nothing left when I finish with you.''
** There's also a moment in book two when main characters dress up as pop-culture vampires (Miron as Dracula, Joshua as Lestat and Dora as [[Film/{{Underworld 2003}} Selene]]) for a vampire party and local vampiress mocks the suits as unclassy and overly cheesy.
* In Creator/JimButcher's ''Literature/TheDresdenFiles '':
** ''Literature/FoolMoon'' makes fun of movie werewolves. While the setting's [[OurWerewolvesAreDifferent werewolves take almost every form you can think of]], none of them are "[[TheVirus contagious]]", and Bob has to repeatedly remind Harry that "they stole that from vampires." The majority of modern werewolf tropes originate with the loup-garou.
** ''Literature/GravePeril'' Harry Dresden makes fun of the notion of vampires giving interviews, and says that they'd almost certainly kill anyone who tried. Of course, as a pop-culture-obsessed DeadpanSnarker, he makes similar comments for most supernatural nasties he meets, mocking {{Fairy Tale}}s when compared to TheFairFolk, or for [[OurZombiesAreDifferent zombies]], [[OurDemonsAreDifferent demons]], etc., and he's not always right.
** ''Literature/DeathMasks'' begins with Harry and a vampire on a talk show, being interviewed. The vampire is posing as human and rubbishing the idea of magic. The trope is eventually subverted when Harry realizes [[Literature/{{Dracula}} Bram Stoker]] wrote his novel on the orders of an opposing White Court of vampires who don't suffer the standard weaknesses (while possessing different ones themselves). It acted as a how-to guide for {{muggles}} on killing Black Court vampires by exposing their existence, weaknesses, and abilities, and was pretty successful at that. Nowadays only a handful of Black Court Vampires still exist. They're all extremely powerful and cunning, because they're the ones who managed to avoid the hunters. Based on this, many fans have joked that the White Court had the ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' series written to portray them sympathetically.
*** Note that Thomas, a White Court vampire, wore a ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer'' T-shirt to a meeting with a Red Court vampire who shares more "traditional" vampire traits than he does himself. Knowing Thomas, he was both playing with this trope ''and'' trolling the Red vampire.
*** This is double-funny in audiobook version, because it's read by Creator/JamesMarsters, aka Spike of ''Buffy'' and ''Angel'' fame.
* ''Literature/TheSagaOfTheNobleDead'' series has an unusual way of doing this. It was set in a sword-and-sorcery world, but was still able to do this by explaining that certain folklore about vampires had been passed down until even the vampires believed them. Until they found out it was a myth, the vampires carried around coffins filled with native soil, and let victims they wanted to turn drink their blood (it was actually the act of draining them very quickly that turned them).
* ''Literature/MonsterHunterInternational'' takes potshots at ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'', as well as ''Literature/TheVampireChronicles''. An Anne Rice fan gets eaten when she tries to reason with vampires, and Z blames people who want to reason with monsters on ''Twilight.''
* ''Discworld/CarpeJugulum''. Starts out as a send-up to the "traditional" vampire model, then turned around when [[spoiler:the New Age-ish vampires start to lose their cool and resistance to traditional vampire wards, and the villagers reveal that they ''prefer'' the LargeHam old vampires]].
** Also used in-universe, in a way, as the leader of the "new" vampires reveals that he ''wrote the texts'' that a priest had been relying upon to tell how to kill vampires. In this case, this trope manifests as his having slipped a load of hooey into the monster-hunting literature, the better to spread disinformation.
*** Miss Tick in the Tiffany Aching books used the same ploy with a "Witch Hunting for Dummies" book, which advises doing things like giving a captured witch a nice cup of tea and cookies.
** The de Magpyr family portraits hung on the stairs are a history of the portrayal of vampires in fiction and film: Polidori's Byronic "Vampyre", Murnau's ''Film/{{Nosferatu}}'', Christopher Lee's Film/HammerHorror [[Film/HorrorOfDracula Dracula]], and Gary Oldman's [[Film/BramStokersDracula late-century version.]] The idea is clear: the de Magpyrs reinvent themselves with each generation... with surprising similarity to the evolution of vampires on our world.
** Then there's Otto Chriek, the vampire photographer. He's unfailingly polite, speaks with a pronounced Uberwaldean (read: Transylvanian) accent, wears opera clothes and a bow tie, and has the widow's peak hairstyle. It's hinted in a couple of books that Otto deliberately plays up his image as a "music-hall vampire" because it makes people laugh, and he'd rather have them laughing at him than trying to kill him (not that he couldn't handle himself; Otto can be pretty badass when he needs to be).
* In ''Literature/TheSagaOfDarrenShan'', Larten Crepsley mocks many assumptions about vampires ("Bite people? Only stupid vampires use their teeth!"), sometimes to the extent of bursting into laughter when one is suggested. When he's threatened with a bottle of holy water, he drinks it. One character relates how he attempted to stake a sleeping vampire, but since the series' vampires are MadeOfIron, the vampire woke up and nearly killed him before bleeding to death. It is pointed out, however, that many beliefs about vampires are based on distorted details of their culture (vampires use stake-filled pits in executions, for instance, and believe that dying in running water traps a person's soul).
* A running gag in ''Literature/BloodsuckingFiends: A Love Story'' is Tommy attempting to use Ann Rice's ''The Vampire Lestat'' as a "vampire handbook" for Jody, his vampire girlfriend. It isn't long before she gets angry from just hearing Lestat's name.
* Noted in Garry Kilworth's ''Literature/WelkinWeasels: Vampire Voles''. Count Flistagga mentions that most vampires dislike crossing running water, but he has "long since overcome that weakness". It should be noted, however, that the other vampires are defeated with ridiculous ease.
* In Creator/MercedesLackey's ''Literature/ChildrenOfTheNight'', vampire Andre dismisses several traditional limitations as "silliness," in particular the inability to cross running water, which he ascribes to a misunderstanding of their tendency to set territorial boundaries. He tells Diana that it could just as easily be said that they do not cross mountain ranges or major highways, since they define their territories by major landmarks.
* Brian Lumley's vampire series ''Literature/{{Necroscope}}'' outlines a very interesting type of vampire, also called wamphyrie or vamphyrie in many places within the novels, as well as one book title.
** They are actually from a parallel dimension, birthed from spores from a type of mushroom, which, when inhaled, lay an egg inside the host body. The egg hatches into a leech which adheres to the spinal column and runs tendrils into the brain, causing both mental and biological changes.
** Most of it makes fair sense in even how they are killed. The stake through the heart pins the leech so it cannot escape the body once the head has been decapitated. Without the head, the body dies, as does the leech.
** However, being infected with vampirism here comes in a variety of forms which lead most of the primary cast to treat it more like a disease (getting their blood on you, being bitten, getting touched or touching a leech egg, or even letting a vampire telepathically communicate with you can turn you into one).
** In some instances, there are nods back to the classic vampire weaknesses, running water, silver, and the like. Some of these are even rather humorous. [[spoiler:In one of the later books, one vampire traverses from Sunside/Starside (parallel Earth) to our world, stuck in an underground cave, with only one exit, with running water. Around him are evidence of previous vampire exiles, all of which sat and died, fearing to tread the water to attempt escape.]]
** Also crosses and mirrors only worked because traditionally they were made of silver which is a deadly poison to them.
* Creator/StephenieMeyer's ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''. When Bella asks vampire Edward if he does things like turning into a bat, sleep on coffins and specially when asked if he burned in the sunlight, he laughs and says it's a myth. He then shows her [[BishieSparkle what really happens when he goes into the sunlight]].
** Edward [[LampshadeHanging lampshades]] the Cullens having a giant wooden cross in their house. Plus, the fact that Carlisle was a preacher.
** As should be evidenced by now, ''Twilight'' itself is a major target of this trope. It is in fact even likely that it's furthest down on the pecking order.
* In Creator/ChinaMieville's ''Literature/TheScar'', it's more like "all vampires suck," as vampires are described as having a reputation as "junkies" among the other undead. Specifically, their need to sustain themselves on blood makes them less formidable monsters of the night and more homeless addicts in constant need of a fix.
* In ''Literature/TheLastVampire'' series by Creator/ChristopherPike, the protagonist is a vampire named Sita who possesses few of the traditional weaknesses. She sometimes has the "what about crosses, garlic, running water, coffin?" conversation with humans she reveals herself to. She can even stand the sunlight, though she explains she couldn't really do this until she'd aged a few THOUSAND years. Vampires in this series were first created when a demon (a yakshini) was summoned and possessed the corpse of a baby who was still inside its dead mother's womb.
* Scott Westerfeld's UrbanFantasy ''Literature/{{Peeps}}'' starts off with a discussion of how vampires can't [[VoluntaryShapeshifting turn into bats]], still show up in mirrors, etc. Vampirism is a parasitic infection that grants SuperStrength and senses, sometimes super libido, and makes you hate whatever you used to love (including crosses for devout Christians). And makes you hate giant worms, even if you didn't used to love them.
* In ''Literature/VampireHigh'', Justin explains to Cody that while vampires ''can'' shapeshift, they rarely do bats because their mass stays the same and thus they'd just become a bat too huge to fly. Cody later jokes about using crosses and garlic and Justin informs him that his mother wears a cross and cooks with garlic, indicating that those don't work on vampires. Also, they usually get their blood [[VegetarianVampire at the blood bank]]. Later when Justin is dying from a lack of blood, Cody offers up his own blood. How do they get Cody's blood? By using a syringe to take blood from Cody and give it to Justin.
* Shows up regularly in ''[=McLendon's=] Syndrome'' and its sequel ''The VMR Theory'', despite it being a comedic sci-fi setting where vampirism is a well-documented and somewhat believable disease causing promiscuous cell replacement, hypersensitivity to UV, severe and broad food allergies, and erratic hormones. The catch is that people in these books are generally uninformed, stupid, superstitious, or outright insane, and therefore believe fervently (or feverishly) in vampire myth. And vampires who are not main characters are treated just like people.
* In Creator/GeorgeRRMartin's novel ''Literature/FevreDream'', vampires are fast, strong, and hard to kill but have no supernatural abilities (beyond hypnotic eyes), can't infect anyone else (though they let their servants believe they'll be turned for loyal service) and don't know much about their origins. They're still scary as hell and do not deal well with sunlight. The novel is about a vampire trying to save his subspecies from extinction. In a memorable scene, he walks about his steamboat in full daylight to allay his human crew's suspicions -- coming close to killing himself -- for the sake of his quite heroic cause.
* Andrzej Sapkowski's ''Literature/TheWitcher'' series makes fun of vampires to the great extent. Most of common folk in his dark fantasy world believes in most of vampiric tropes, while in reality (the book's reality) vampires are immune to fire and drink blood only for recreational purposes (blood affects them as alcohol affects mankind). The main vampire character used to drink blood because otherwise he felt too shy to approach vampire girls.
* In ''Literature/NightWatch'',[[note]] not the ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'' novel, the Russian ones set in Moscow[[/note]] many of the traditional vampire weaknesses are said to be made up by the vampires themselves to give humans a false sense of security.
** One time the Night Watch operatives find out that a rogue vampire had drained ''fifty'' people in a row [[TookALevelInBadass to become a High Vampire]] (in the Watchverse with its severe limitations on human-killing it's far out of all reasons). As they carry half-decomposed corpses out of the beast's lair, the head of the Watch disgustedly comments how he would like to bring a couple of vampire-wannabe whelps there, so they could see with their own eyes how different a real vampire is from their fantasies about a pale courteous gentlemen alluring young women in his castle.
* An early topic of discussion for Escott and Jack in P.N. Elrod's ''Literature/TheVampireFiles'' is about how traits that Jack lacks might've become falsely associated with vampires. Jack suggests that garlic might've been credited with repelling vampires because old-time European peasants considered it a cure for ''everything''. Then he points out the inherent silliness of using something that smells bad to ward off creatures that don't need to breathe.
-->'''Jack''': Vampires? Try garlic. Can't hurt. Can't help, either.
** He also has no problem with holy symbols, saying that he was a nice guy when he was alive, so why should he care now that he's undead?
* Creator/FredSaberhagen takes a mostly science-fictional approach to vampires in his [[Literature/TheDraculaTape Dracula]] series. Many vampiric abilities have naturalistic origins, while some are not fully understood even by Dracula himself, though he believes science ''will'' eventually explain them. Several aspects of vampire lore are completely debunked, though. Vampires find garlic (and all other strong-smelling substances) ''unpleasant'', but no more than that. And religious symbols like the crucifix are completely irrelevant. Dracula in fact (having converted from the Orthodox faith in his breathing years) still considers himself a Roman Catholic -- so he'll avoid religious symbols not because they harm him but because he feels it'd be verging on blasphemy to risk damaging ''them''.
* DerekGunn's Literature/VampireApocalypseTheSeries novels are all about restoring vampires to being horrible creatures of the night. According to WordOfGod, it was a major motivation for writing the series. Vampires are asexual walking corpses who eat babies and delight in carnage. Oh and they've taken over the world too.
* In Beth Fantaskey's novel ''Literature/JessicasGuideToDatingOnTheDarkSide'', Lucius scoffs: "Please. A bat? What self-respecting vampire would want to turn into a flying rodent? (...) What would be so wonderful about dissolving in sunlight? Or not being able to look in a mirror and judge whether you've dressed yourself properly?"
* One character in the ''Literature/SkulduggeryPleasant'' novels is a [[Really700YearsOld (perpetually)]] 19-year old vampire called Caelan, more or less an CaptainErsatz of Edward from ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' (which is even [[LampshadeHanging lampshaded]] by Valkyrie), [[StalkerWithACrush right down to stalking the female lead]]. He's almost universally hated by vampires [[ApeShallNeverKillApe for killing one of his own]], and humans for pretending to be something he's not, every time he meets another vampire they beat him within an inch of his life, and the protagonists only tolerate him when Valkyrie makes them.
%%* In Creator/MegCabot's ''Insatiable'', this happens a lot. The main character Meena works as writer for a paranormal soap opera about vampires, the titular ''Insatiable'', and eventually meets real vampires.
* In the ''Literature/FalconQuinn'' series, Ms. Redflint, the dean of students, is ''not'' fond of vampires. She hates how they all seem to be walking superiority/inferiority complexes, what with the "Literature/{{twilight}} brooding" and general angst, and dearly hopes none of Falcon's group are vampires. The vampires quite live up to her expectations, as the vampires use their supposed "awesomeness" to assume the role of the AlphaBitch in the monster hierarchy.
* ''Literature/TheTumbleweedDossier'' takes several shots at ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''.
* Many ParanormalRomance books written after ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' take time to mock it. With this excellent example from the ''Literature/NightHuntress'' series:
--> '''Bones''': Ask me if I sparkle and I'll kill you where you stand.
* The protagonist of ''Literature/TheSanguineChronicles'' has a special hate for ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''. In part this is rooted in a loathing for bad literature, but also rooted in resentment of Creator/StephenieMeyer for trivializing and romanticizing his own condition. He feels about vampire fans the same way an AIDS patient might feel about [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bugchasing Bug chasers.]]
* ''Literature/SabinaKane'': The title character remarks in her [[FirstPersonSmartass internal monologue]] that the vampires themselves propagated a number of the common vampire tropes. Specifically, their weakness to crucifixes is completely fake (crosses ''annoy'' them, but it's a religious thing, not physical), and the weakness to garlic is a smokescreen for their ''actual'' WeaksauceWeakness to apple-related substances.
* In ''Literature/SmokeAndShadows'' Tony Foster is working on the set of a VampireDetectiveSeries called ''Darkest Night'', and complains to his vampire ex-lover Henry Fitzroy that the showrunners don't know the first thing about vampires. Henry's response? "Good."
* ''Literature/{{Somewhither}}'': Vampires in the setting are utterly irredeemable, completely evil creatures--in contrast to the {{Friendly Neighborhood Vampire}}s which frequently pop up in today's movies and TV shows. Foster comments wryly on how Hollywood cannot "make a proper vampire movie any more", while Penny suggests that all the filmmakers are on the real vampires' payroll.
* ''Vampires Don't Sparkle'': This book is a blatant example of this trope starting from the name, which specifically calls out ''Twilight''. Vampires in the setting are the result of a virus that is activated by the alignment of the stars and they only rise to power every 13,000 years. It combines ancient Egyptian gods with Vampires.
* Played with in F. Paul Wilson's ''[[Literature/TheAdversaryCycle The Keep]]'', in which the monster isn't actually a vampire and has none of their traditional qualities, but ''plays up'' the role of one to better terrorize the Nazis who've occupied his castle. He also fakes being susceptible to the cross, but only as a way of maliciously trolling the Jewish prisoner who's helping him. In truth, the cross only became associated with warding off vampires in this Verse because it resembles a specific ''sword hilt'', which really '''does''' frighten and constrain him.

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* While it seems strange given the show's heavy use of folklore, ''Series/{{Supernatural}}'' did this heavily by throwing out virtually all traditional vampire traits, and starting from scratch. The most notable example of this was that the vampires were sensitive to sunlight to the point of getting a sunburn, not to the point of being disabled, let alone killed, which aligns well with Stoker, whose Dracula was merely ''less powerful'' in sunlight. See the oft-maligned [[Film/BramStokersDracula Coppola version]], in which the Count walks around with a parasol and dark glasses.
** Some of the changes are because, not in spite of, the use of folklore. Their vampires have many pre-Dracula characteristics, such as the need for decapitation.
** Dracula vamps needed to be decapitated, too. As well as staked, burned, and getting their mouth stuffed with holy wafers.
** The opening scene in the season 6 episode "Live Free or Twi Hard", in a direct TakeThat to ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' has vampires [[ExploitedTrope using the popularity of the Vampire pop culture (specifically ''Twilight'') to seduce victims.]]
* Shows up several times in ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'':
** "[[{{Recap/BuffyTheVampireSlayerS2E7LieToMe}} Lie To Me]]", when the Scoobies encounter a group of would-be vampires who have bought into the idea of vampires as romantic and misunderstood. Angel grouses at moderate length about their misapprehensions, noting in particular "Do they really think we dress like that?" ...Only to have one of the groupies push past him wearing his exact outfit.
** [[{{Recap/BuffyTheVampireSlayerS2E3SchoolHard}} In his first appearance]], Spike expresses incredulity that people still buy into "the [[Literature/TheVampireChronicles Anne Rice routine]]" about romantic, tortured vampires. [[HilariousInHindsight Ironically, being exactly that defines his character a few seasons later.]]
** Later, in the Fifth Season opener, much fun is had at Dracula's expense, except that he actually ''is'' more powerful than most vampires, even if Spike dismisses his mind control, shapeshifting, and apparent unkillability as "a few Gypsy tricks". The trope is played straight in the same episode when Buffy mentions meeting more than a few pasty-faced, pimply vamps who called themselves "Lestat".
*** At one point, it takes to mocking both Anne Rice and itself when Angel is asked by a teenager who just learned about him being a Vampire:
---->[[spoiler:'''Connor:''']] So, do you spend all your time making out with other vampires like in Anne Rice novels?\\
'''Angel:''' No! ''(beat)'' -- well, I used to...
** The Buffyverse occasionally mocks ''its own'' version of vampires:
---> '''Dawn''': Ooh, scary vampires -- they die from a splinter.
*** And in another episode:
--->'''Buffy''': A vampire with a soul? My God, how lame is that?
** Dracula gets this a lot from Spike. To be fair, Drac still owes him money.
** If you're a fan of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' it might be best to stay away from the comics. The BigBad was named as such before the novels took off then the bashing on the work was dialed UpToEleven when they had with a TakeThat being used at any given opportunity even today.
* In one episode of ''Series/{{Angel}}'', Angel becomes offended when asked by a demon if he should be sleeping in his coffin. Then again, the demon was playing ObfuscatingStupidity with Angel.
* ''Series/TheXFiles'' episode "Bad Blood", already mentioned on the OurVampiresAreDifferent page, played with this trope as well. One deluded teenager in a town full of nonstandard vampires blows the whole deal for the rest of them with his media-inspired Franchise/UniversalHorror vampire playacting.
* Subverted in ''Series/BigWolfOnCampus'', where a group of vampiric teenage malcontents ''are'' subject to all the classic weaknesses, and agonize over it. To their particular chagrin is [[MustBeInvited their inability to enter someone's house without an invitation]]. One protagonist's knowledge of this limitation comes from... ''Buffy'', season 2.
* The series ''Series/SpecialUnit2'', about a division of the police force which deals with supernatural crimes, begins with the chief telling a new recruit that [[AllMythsAreTrue every myth and legend is real in one way or another]]. Except vampires, [[ArbitrarySkepticism the whole idea of which he waves off as being ridiculous]].
* ''Series/{{Sanctuary}}''.
-->"And not only did they hunt them down, kill them off, but they turned our species into a cultural joke...\\
And now people think that we're allergic to garlic and that we can turn into bats at will. It's beyond insulting...\\
Or vile, stale, water blessed by some priest would have any other effect than a bad taste..."
-->-- UsefulNotes/NikolaTesla ([[BeethovenWasAnAlienSpy Yes, really]]).
** This is said in an episode where he gets staked (through the heart even) and is perfectly fine, except a bloodstain on his coat.
** Season 2 also has a group of teens who attempt to turn non-treated friends of theirs into vampires and end up horrified when she realizes that she actually killed the guy she was attempting to turn.\\
Tesla is even shown to be enjoying sunlight earlier in the episode.
** It should be noted that neither Tesla nor the trust fund teens are true vampires. Tesla became a sort-of vampire after receiving an injection of the Source Blood (the last remaining vampire blood), while the other members of the Five received vastly different powers ([[WeAreAsMayflies longevity]], {{teleportation}}, {{invisibility}}, and [[TheSmartGuy super-intelligence]]). Tesla also got electrical powers. The teens were turned in one of Tesla's experiments, making them even less of vamps than the originals.
** We do get to see an actual vampire in an episode where Magnus and Tesla find an ancient vampire outpost that contains a vampire queen ([[spoiler:and an entire vampire army]]) frozen in amber by her brother who usurped her throne. Tesla is happy that there are others like him. While the queen initially takes to Tesla, she's disgusted to learn that he's not a true vampire and doesn't feed on live humans. This episode also shows that vampires can be [[spoiler:killed by a nuclear explosion]] just like everyone else.
* When Bon Temps' resident vampire Bill Compton is invited to speak before a historical society in ''Series/TrueBlood'', the meeting is held ''at a church.'' Someone hurriedly throws an American flag over a big cross, but Bill prefaces his speech by collecting the flag and rehanging it, saying that he is "one of God's creatures" and has no trouble standing in front of a cross or on holy ground.
** Sunlight doesn't kill these vampires immediately either, and Bill later tells Sookie that garlic is only mildly irritating. However, silver is dangerous for them, burning their skin and suppressing their powers on contact. It is also confirmed that Vampires do have reflections and do appear in photographs, which Bill explains as a rumor that the Vampires started themselves, as then it was all the easier to create a false sense of security in their victims.
** In a nice twist on the usual expectations, sunlight kills older vampires ''faster''. [[spoiler:Bill survives, albeit badly burned, for a few minutes in the sun whereas the ancient vampire Godric is reduced to dust in a matter of seconds.]]
*** Then again, the even older Russell Edgington survives for about 10 minutes in the sun with only minor burns. [[spoiler:Sookie's blood may have something to do with it.]]
* ''Series/{{Moonlight}}'''s vampires are immune to garlic (in the first episode, Mick mentions that "it tastes good on a pizza") and holy water, and wooden stakes only immobilize them. Sunlight basically poisons them over time.
** The sunlight is not so much poison as dehydration. Silver is poison. Fire turns them to ash on contact, except for a certain old vampire whose abilities are unexplained due to the series cancellation.
** The series also features a temporary cure for vampirism in the form of a compound that was created during the Reign of Terror period of the French Revolution (which was partly a vampire hunt, which is why the main methods of execution during this time were burning and beheading). There is precious little of the compound left, although [[spoiler:Coraline]] is shown trying to synthesize more using modern technology. The "cure", basically, suppresses vampiric traits to the point that the vampire becomes, for all intents and purposes, human. A "cured" vampire can be re-turned by another.
* ''Series/TheVampireDiaries'':
** Damon reads ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' and laughs at it, saying that Edward is whipped, and when asked he says that he'd burn in the sunlight like any normal vampire, if not for his ring. When asked why doesn't he sparkle, he says that he "[[ThisIsReality lives in the real world where vampires burn in the sun.]]" However, he did profess an admiration for Anne Rice in the same conversation. In general taking potshots at ''Twilight'', with which the show has something of a FandomRivalry, is something of a RunningGag.
** A werewolf version happens in season 2. Damon stabs a werewolf in the back with a silver knife. The wolf laughs it off and tells him that werewolves' weakness to silver is a story ''they'' made up.
* Happens in ''Series/MyBabysittersAVampire'' with the in-universe book ''Dusk'', an obvious parody of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''.
* In an episode of the short-lived series ''Series/BloodTies'', [[FriendlyNeighborhoodVampire Henry Fitzroy]] shows that things like garlic, holy water, and crosses are useless against vampires. In fact, Henry himself is religious (you kinda have to be in a world where ghosts and demons are real) and carries a crucifix. In one episode, Henry and Vicki are watching ''Film/{{Nosferatu}}'', and Henry calls bullshit on Orlok being surprised by the sunrise. Apparently, every vampire instinctively feels the coming of dawn, so Orlok not fleeing before being incinerated is actually a HeroicSacrifice (if you can call Orlok a hero). Additionally, unlike other vampires, these ones are highly territorial to the point where it's usually one vampire per city (maybe more in very large cities). A vampire attempting to move into another's territory sparks a deadly turf war. A family of humans keeps track of which vampires live where, in case a vampire wants to switch locales but doesn't want to fight for it.

[[folder:Tabletop Games]]
* A somewhat different example: [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=193546 This]] ''TabletopGame/MagicTheGathering'' card is likely a subtle TakeThat at the romanticization of vampires in general.
** Another in game example; Sorin Markov, a more archetypal Draculan vampire, [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=189629 takes a jab]] at what he sees of the [[NobleSavage savage]] [[BadassNative native]] vampire tribes of Zendikar.
*** But even he laments at what the vampires of his own bloodline [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=240196 have become]] in his absence from Innistrad.
* Both ''[[TabletopGame/TheWorldOfDarkness Vampire]]'' role playing games by White Wolf have a section at the beginning that explains which vampire tropes the game does and does not follow. It often acts with derision towards the tropes that it doesn't use. For instance, it points out that if every vampire victim became a vampire, the world would be swarming with them, and if vampires couldn't cross running water, they wouldn't be able to walk around a modern city, what with all the pipes and such underground.
** While the classical weaknesses and unusual powers of Dracula and so on are incompatible with the systems, the games -- particularly ''TabletopGame/VampireTheRequiem'' -- explain that since Dracula was a very old vampire with a very strong will, he might well be able to do things other vampires, even older and ostensibly stronger ones, simply can't. And, last but not least, there's plenty of weaknesses and powers, both made-up and referencing old myth, in various clans, bloodlines, and rarely individual characters.
** In addition to that, some ''TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade'' clans have their own special traditional weakness. The Lasombra have no reflection, the Tzimisce must rest in two handfuls of their native soil, and the Ventrue can only gain nourishment from specific humans (virgins, gay men, priests, etc.), to name a few.
** In ''TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade'' you can certainly use Flaws to create a "mutant" vampire who is repulsed by garlic, cannot cross running water, and/or cannot enter a home uninvited. But then you can also make one who resembles a more lifelike version of The Count from ''Series/SesameStreet'' if you really want to. (In fact, the Malkavian clan book has tips to make a "Hollywood"-type vampire who really believes all the myths...and thus, thanks to Malkavian craziness, the weaknesses ''work'' on her.)
** The ''TabletopGame/HunterTheVigil'' book "Night Stalkers" deals with vampires from around the world and how to adapt them. Yes, it's entirely possible every vampire is Kindred. It's also entirely possible there are also vampires who arise from demon possession, vengeful murder victims risen from the grave as bloodsuckers, and specifically cautions against wise-cracking vampire rodeo clowns.
** ''Requiem'' in particular has two outright {{Take That}}s; the inevitable backlash against ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' in the form of a joke merit in the parody splat "Dudes of Legend", which grants immunity to sunlight at the cost of "sparkling, and making people think you're kind of gay", and one against stereotypical vampire movie fans in the form of "Players" bloodline from "Bloodlines: The Legendary". For added points, the Players are a bloodline of the Mekhet clan ("vampires as watching, lurking predators") who wish they were Daeva ("VampiresAreSexGods") and who've tried -- and failed -- to force themselves into fitting that model better, since they don't consider typical Mekhet to be "real" vampires.
* ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons'':
** The ''TabletopGame/{{Ravenloft}}'' campaign setting, being Gothic Horror, comes with all the standard vampiric weaknesses... Plus a few more, and some that are downright bizarre. But it not only takes pains to explain that a given vampire may possess many or none of these... it also explains how vampires can get around them. A vampire might still be carried over running water in a carriage for instance, or use their CharmPerson ability to enter a house. More than anything it is stressed that vampires are smart. And patient.
*** The Ravenloft Monstrous Compendium also had rules for vampires of all the various [[FiveRaces playable races]] with powers and weaknesses appropriate to their origins. Elven vampires, for example, can only come out during the daytime and their presence [[WalkingWasteland kills plants]]; halfling vampires must be slain by driving a stake made from a log that burned in a home's fireplace through their heart, etc. It's implied that many vampire hunters get themselves killed because they dismiss the possibility of vampires that break "the rules" as much as these variants do.
*** Non-vampire example: In ''Van Richten's Guide to Werebeasts'', Ravenloft's greatest monster expert poo-poos the notion of lycanthropes transforming into creatures that aren't partially or wholly carnivorous. Ironically, he's not 100% correct in this, as there's a unique (curse-born) were''gorilla'' in the ''Children of the Night: Werebeasts'' supplement.
*** Truthfully, Van Richten has been mistaken about some things and just plain wrong about others more often than you'd think, at least compared to actual ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons'' (and even ''Ravenloft'') continuity.
** Vampires in 4th Edition seem to have done away with many of the weaknesses of "traditional" vampires, at least as far as building them into the mechanics. The lore entry even makes mention of it: "Contrary to popular folklore, vampires are not hampered by running water or repelled by garlic, and they don't need invitations to enter houses." Likewise, a (true) vampire in direct sunlight is merely unable to regenerate.
*** Vampire ''spawn'', however (the minion-level vampires created when a vampire "lord" kills a victim via blood drain) ''are'' in fact destroyed by sunlight. 4E vampires are also bound to some extent to their personal coffin or gravesite and weakened if they can't rest there... but can simply change which coffin or grave counts as their "personal" one by resting in a new one for three consecutive times.
* In the "X-Files meets GI Joe" setting of ''TabletopGame/{{GURPS}}: Black Ops'', vampires are actually victims of a mysterious vampire that turns them into monsters who have a craving for blood and raw organ tissue which makes heroin addiction mild in comparison. They don't care about holy water, crucifixes and running water, but as their skin is extremely sensitive to ultraviolet rays, even Indoor lighting can slowly damage them. They are also solitary by nature and shun human contact except when going out to kill, which they need to do about 3-4 times a week. They also retain all their human skills, and if they had them before, their psionic powers. The Book's fictional narrator in fact plays on the classic clichés.
-->'''Ivan Decker:''' Or maybe [your closest friend is] a vampire. No, if he were a vampire, you'd be dead. Vampires don't have friends. They even hate each other. All they want to do is feed. If you're normal, the only time you'd see one is right before it killed you, drank your blood and ate your internal organs, leaving you to steam like roadkill until you died... or worse, became one of them.

[[folder:Video Games]]
* Remilia Scarlet of ''VideoGame/{{Touhou}}'' actually likes cross imagery (she uses them in her spellcards), and is absolutely baffled as to why people think she should be weakened by it. Her sister Flandre is even described as cheerfully playing around with crosses in the spinoff game ''Shoot the Bullet''. On the other hand, as she explains in one of ''Embodiment of Scarlet Devil's'' endings, direct exposure to sunlight ''does'' hurt her and she ''will'' burn to ashes if exposed to it for too long (what constitutes "too long" is not defined)--which is why she has to use a parasol during the day. Also, since the Japanese word for vampire has the kanji for {{oni}} in it, they share weaknesses with them like sardine heads, broken holly branches and roasted soybeans.
-->'''[[CuteWitch Marisa]]:''' You're one of ''[[{{Vampire}} those]]'', right? Can't stand sunlight or smelly vegetables, or silver things. The masters of the night which for some reason have tons of weaknesses...
* Smiling Jack in ''VideoGame/VampireTheMasqueradeBloodlines'' (which is set in the ''TabletopGame/OldWorldOfDarkness'') gives you a crash course in vampires in the beginning of the game, and uses this trope a few times.
** Although subverted by the fact that you later [[spoiler:do encounter a vampire hunter who DOES hurt you with his crucifix -- but he is one of perhaps no more than a few dozen humans on the planet Earth that possesses True Faith, [[AllThereInTheManual which does hurt vampires]]. Amusingly, ''vampires'' can even possess True Faith in the Old World of Darkness]].
** It is further proven that an average human can't hurt you with a crucifix [[spoiler:when you have to get through The Mandarin's testing grounds. One of the tests involves a man in an environmental suit, who will point a crucifix towards you. You're free to kill him for being ignorant in whatever gruesome fashion you like]].
* In a weird case of '''[[InvertedTrope Our]]''' [[InvertedTrope Vampires Suck]], ''VideoGame/DungeonsOfDredmor'' claims that the [[Literature/{{Twilight}} 'Sparkly']] skill that [[MonsterAdventurers vampire heroes]] can obtain drains life from your enemies because of how stupid it is.
* In ''VideoGame/{{Borderlands 2}}'', the final skill of Gaige's "Little Big Trouble" skill tree lets [[RobotBuddy Deathtrap]] adapt to the same element of the weapon she just shot him with, letting him attack with fire, shock, slag, or corrosive damage. The flavor text says:
-->Robots are like vampires. They both sparkle when hit with incendiary rounds.

[[folder:Web Comics]]
* In ''Webcomic/DanAndMabsFurryAdventures,'' vampires became extinct years before the comics events, mostly due to harsh competition in the whole prey-by-night business, being weak against sunlight (and usually living in crypts with unlockable doors), and the last remaining group of them being accidentally stomped by [[http://www.missmab.com/Comics/Vol_510.php a dragon.]] A flashback to 1616[[note]]the main action is in 1991[[/note]] features a group of adventurers expressing their annoyance that the "monster" reported to them turned out to be vampire, as if someone had been spooked by a wild raccoon.
* ''Webcomic/CharbyTheVampirate'' pulls this on itself as it has both regular vampires and the [[http://www.drunkduck.com/Charby_the_Vampirate/4786634/ Elites]], who have many more strengths and none of the weaknesses. Neither get along.
* In ''Webcomic/SluggyFreelance'', each clan of vampires has a different set of powers and weaknesses. In "Muffin the Vampire Baker", Sam -- a Lysinda circle vampire with Anne Rice of ''Vampire: The Masquerade'' abilities -- goes to an [[AdventureTowns Adventure Town]] that's an obvious parody of [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer Sunnydale]], and mocks the vampires there for turning to dust at a stake to the heart.
* ''Webcomic/PvP'': [[http://www.pvponline.com/2008/10/23/monster-fighters-part-2/ Monster Fighters, Part 2.]]
* One story arc in ''Webcomic/SamAndFuzzy'' features a vampire named [[CaptainErsatz Edwin]] [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Colin]]. It turns out that all vampires are [[TakeThat creepy, obsessive stalkers utterly convinced of their own romanticism]].
** Later, over lunch on a sun-lit patio, Edwin explains that he subsists on canned blood, and finds the idea of biting someone disgusting ("Couldn't ''you'' just go out and ''butcher your own cow?''")... although this doesn't stop him from biting in self-defense when he gets into a fight. This backfires, since vampire bites actually turn people into ''werewolves''.
* In ''Webcomic/SequentialArt'', [[http://www.collectedcurios.com/sequentialart.php?s=657 Pip's response]] to finding Scarlet and her sisters have been watching ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' is to break out his copy of ''Film/BramStokersDracula''.
-->I will ''not'' have one of cinema's greatest monsters belittled by hair-product-obsessed pretty-boys. Not while ''my'' movie selection still stands! [[Creator/GaryOldman Oldman]], you are needed!
* A full chapter, ''Bloodsuckers are not sexy'' of ''Webcomic/FafnirTheDragon'' was half this towards, and half [[{{Gorn}} grisly deathscenes]] of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'''s vampires at the hands of [[https://web.archive.org/web/20110612132349/http://fafnirthedragon.com/2010/06/28/bloodsuckers-44/ Vlad the Impaler,]] aka Literature/{{Dracula}}.
* ''Webcomic/{{Spinnerette}}'' takes a jab at the ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' concept of vampires by having them encounter a vampire who turns women into raving fangirls, and who gets all sparkly when he goes out into the sunlight and starts speaking with a lisp. He only has the lisp because Tiger [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome knocked most of his teeth out with a single punch.]]
* ''Webcomic/{{Weregeek}}'', during ''TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade'' {{LARP}}:
--> '''[[http://www.weregeek.com/2009/02/20/ Unnamed vampire character]]''': The mortal chicks ''really'' dig this look!!
* ''Webcomic/AndShineHeavenNow'' joins in the ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' mocking bandwagon by saying that fangirls were what caused ''Twilight'' vampires to sparkle in the first place. That said, in Shineverse fangirls had RealityWarper powers.
* One strip of ''Webcomic/NerfNow'' had [[Franchise/{{Castlevania}} someone with a chain whip]] murder [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward Cullen]].
* ''Webcomic/BiteMe'' riffs extensively on this theme.
** Of particular note is the fact that when the main characters finally rescue their coven, [[spoiler: each of the totally-out-to-lunch non-protagonist vampires turns out to be a parody of one Anne Rice character type or another]].
** Also, one of the bits of swag the author includes with print editions is a bumpersticker that says Real Vampires [[Literature/{{Twilight}} DON'T FRICKING SPARKLE]].
* ''Webcomic/ElfOnlyInn'' thoroughly parodies vampire weaknesses by showing a typical overpowered vampire role play character with [[http://www.elfonlyinn.net/d/20021230.html no weaknesses whatsoever.]] Despite his claims to immunity to whatever the others think up, he still gets his "'''real vampire''' butt shoved into his big, fat, loud mouth" by Woot, though.
* ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick'', [[TropeOverdosed naturally]], has some of this after Durkon gets turned into a vampire and has to feed on the rest of the team to stay alive. From [[http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0958.html strip #958]]:
-->'''Elan:''' So, how long do my strange quasi-vampiric powers kick in?\\
'''Durkon:''' Uh, they dinnae. Na unless I drain ye all tha way.\\
'''Elan:''' Huh. Do we at least share a mystical bond that draws me into [[KissOfTheVampire a mesmerizing web of erotic subtext]]?\\
'''Durkon:''' Na.\\
'''Elan:''' Man, real vampires are ''way'' less interesting than fictional ones.
* ''Webcomic/{{Freefall}}'' manages to get a ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' jab in by proxy. Florence and Winston are at a Day of the Dead celebration when they find a doll in the shape of a 20th century legendary monster. The doll is stylized, as the monster's reputation has been increasingly romanticized and less horrific over the centuries, and sparkles. [[spoiler: It's ''Adolf Hitler''.]]

[[folder:Web Original]]
* ''WebVideo/TransylvaniaTelevision'' was a bit more blunt in their TakeThat. They had an episode of ''Interviews with the Vampire'' wherein Count [=LeShoc=] openly insults Anne Rice and Creator/BramStoker, but doesn't want to lower himself by talking about Creator/StephenieMeyer.
* ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'' opens with this, directed at ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''. Edward and Bella are making out in an abandoned house, there comes a knock, Edward asks whose there, gets shot a few times, and Alucard answers "A ''real'' [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] vampire."
** Another part of the episode shows Anderson decapitating Alucard and impaling his head to a wall with a silver sword blessed by the Catholic Church; Integra corrects him in regards to that.
--->'''Integra''': Just shut up! Where is Alucard?!\\
'''Anderson''': Him? I killed him!\\
'''Integra''': Killed him...?\\
'''Anderson''': Cut off his bloody head!\\
'''Integra''': Oh? That's step one. What about two through ten...?\\
'''Anderson''': [[OhCrap Ah Christ!!]] *''Alucard regenerates''*\\
'''Alucard''': You done goofed.\\
'''Anderson''': How in the bloodsoaked Protestant hell did you do that?!\\
'''Alucard''': [[AWizardDidIt Fuck you, that's how.]]
* ''WebVideo/ImAMarvelAndImADC'' did this in one parody episode featuring Sookie Stackhouse from ''Series/TrueBlood'', and Bella from ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''. It even extended to an episode of "F My Life" between Edward and Bill over whose life sucks more.
* [[http://poopbear.deviantart.com/art/Down-for-the-Count-153668816 Down for the Count!]]
%%And Alucard [[RunningGag once again]] makes his feelings known [[http://browse.deviantart.com/?order=9&q=hellsing%2Ftwilight&offset=24#/d2vrrsn along the same lines]].
%%* "[[http://seemikedraw.com.au/this-cartoon-remembers-when-men-were-real-men-and-vampires-were-real-vampires This cartoon remembers when men were real men, and vampires were real vampires]]": the old Count doesn't like BishieSparkle.
* In ''WebVideo/CarmillaTheSeries'' Laura researches vampires by reading vampire novels. She makes a face and throws ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' aside. Carmilla also makes comments on how inaccurate vampire movies are, saying "pop culture has so much to answer for."
* ''WebOriginal/{{Mortasheen}}'' has a [[OurMonstersAreWeird very strange]] TakeThat (given that [[OurVampiresAreDifferent most of Mortasheen's vampires are based on aquatic lifeforms]]) to ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' with the monster [[http://www.bogleech.com/mortasheen/twileye.htm Twileye]].
-->''Vain, brash and sometimes juvenile, Twileye regard themselves as simply "too amazing" for "lesser beings" to appreciate. To them, the pained howls of their victims are the shamed cries of those who have finally seen "true beauty" and understand "how ugly and stupid they really look."''

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* ''WesternAnimation/MightyMax'' featured an episode, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdacSL2pUcQ "Fly by Night,"]] with a ''horsefly'' vampire, who thought bats were laughably inferior to insects. The episode also made a point of debunking many of the popular myths about how to destroy vampires, and in the end the vampire was defeated when Norman [[spoiler:crushed it with a giant piece of artwork he used as a makeshift flyswatter]].
* ''WesternAnimation/LucyTheDaughterOfTheDevil'' has an episode centering around the Special Fathers fighting an invasion of altar boy and choir boy vampires who have been preying on Catholic priests. They meet up with a guy who is supposed to get them reacquainted with vampire hunting, with [[LampshadeHanging amusing results]]:
-->'''Nightshade:''' As I'm sure the Special Fathers will tell you, hunting vampires... well, forget everything you've seen in the movies. It's all bunk.\\
'''Sister Mary:''' Sunlight?\\
'''Nightshade:''' Oh, no, actually, OK. Sunlight is real. Sunlight ''can'' kill a vampire.\\
'''Sister Mary:''' Stake in the heart?\\
'''Nightshade:''' Y-yeah, hold on, let me give you my spiel, okay?\\
'''Sister Mary:''' Sorry.\\
'''Nightshade:''' Forget what you've seen in the movies. It's all bunk.\\
'''Father Cantalupi:''' You know, Nightshade, I've heard ''[[ThisIsReality that line]]'' in the movies.
** The vampires' biggest weakness? ''Balloons''.