''[[SelfDemonstratingArticle Three things are certain in life]]: death, taxes, and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking people understanding what this trope is about by the time they finish this sentence]].''

The Three Certainties In Life can either be a [[ComedyTropes Stock Joke]] or a {{Stock Phrase|s}} that is mostly inspired by the quote often attributed to Creator/BenjaminFranklin, "Nothing is certain but death and taxes."

Because [[RuleOfThree three is a magic number]], appending a third item after "death" and "taxes" has the immediate effect of turning one person's observation of a perceived, frequently occurring event or incident into a punchline or poignant quip which shares similarity to TheTriple.

Occasionally, someone may list three things ''without'' "death" or "taxes" being one of them. In this regard, "birth and death" is a commonly seen variant. Another popular wordswap is "nothing is infinite but the universe and human stupidity, and [[HumansAreMorons I'm not too sure about the universe...]]"

See Also: RuleOfThree, TheTriple, and TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers. Compare with: ArsonMurderAndJaywalking.
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!Death, Taxes, and Examples:

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[[folder: Film ]]

* ''CheaperByTheDozen'' has a variant. Hank notes, "All I'm saying is families are inevitable; they're like death or taxes."
* From ''MeetJoeBlack'', "...the truth is, joining John Bontecou is every bit as certain as death and taxes." This is said to [[TheGrimReaper Death himself in the guise of the eponymous Joe Black]], who expresses some surprise and amusement at the saying. Later on made into a borderline stealth pun (Call Back? Ironic Echo?) when Joe Black impersonates an IRS agent.
* A RunningGag in TheGoodTheBadAndTheUgly
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[[folder: Literature ]]

* Inverted: Creator/AlFranken writes in ''Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them'' about the Republican Party's attempts to abolish the Estate Tax:
--> For America's heirs and heiresses, only one thing would be certain: death, OR taxes.
* Iain M Banks' ''Literature/TheCulture'' series features a ship called ''Death and Gravity'', which is spun off from the "death and taxes" phrase; after the Culture abolished taxes (and money), people say "gravity", instead of "taxes".

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[[folder: Live Action TV ]]

* On ''[[GreysAnatomy Grey's Anatomy]]'', the title character once remarked, "In life only one thing is certain, besides death and taxes... No matter how hard we try, no matter how good our intentions, we are going to make mistakes."
* From ''PrisonBreak'':
--> '''Agent Mahone:''' Three things in life are certain... death, taxes, and the fact that a man on the run will make a mistake sometime in the first 72 hours.
** Earlier, in the first season:
--> '''Sucre:''' There are three things that are certain in life: death, taxes and count.
* A character on the SoapOpera ''GuidingLight'' once remarked that love isn't "a sure thing," but her grandfather, on the other hand, "is right up there with death and taxes."
* There's a [[RunningGag Running Joke]] amongst fans of the EurovisionSongContest that goes, "There are only three things certain in life: Death, Taxes, and Greece and Cyprus exchanging maximum votes." However, with new rules in place for future competitions, this may now be obsolete.
* A gag on ''KeepingUpAppearances'' once compared being invited to one of Hyacinth Buck... err... [[{{It Is Pronounced Tro-Pay}} Bouquet's]] candlelight suppers to the inevitability of death and taxes.
* A TV special based on the ''Miss Peach'' comic strip had the line, "For adults there's death and taxes, and for us kids there's school."
* ''MarriedWithChildren'': When Al's touchdown record was about to be broken, he was so sure of it he declared it one of the three things he was certain of happening. The other two were that he'd sell shoes until the day he dies and Peggy would win the lottery the next day.
* The Science Channel's series ''Curiosity'' had one episode as the structure of a [[SpeculativeDocumentary future documentary]] in a society of humans who have used technology to become immortal, in which [[ItMakesSenseInContext Adam Savage]] tells this saying to those who were born in the 31st century, then adds [[LivingForeverIsAwesome "and it sucked."]]

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[[folder: Music ]]

* In [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFdRqoVSZPE "Everybody Poops"]] by Buster Puppet, the three certainties are listed as death, taxes, and everybody poops.

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[[folder: Newspaper Comics ]]

* A ''ComicStrip/{{Garfield}}'' strip had a variant: "Death, taxes, and teddy bears. Three things you can always count on."
* A vintage Sunday ''ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}}'' comic strip where Lucy, holding a football, challenged Charlie Brown to name three things that are certain. Charlie Brown guessed Death and Taxes but drew a blank at the third...until Lucy pulled the football away. "It was so obvious, Charlie Brown."
* One ''ComicStrip/{{Zits}}'' strip had the father saying, "The only things certain in life are death and taxes." The teen continues, "And homework." The mom finishes it off by thinking, "And knowing I'll get stuck with the dinner dishes."

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[[folder: Other ]]

* One proverb of anonymous origin observes, "Only three things in life are certain: birth, death, and change."
* Another of unknown origin argues, "There are only three certainties in life; The laws of physics, [[FinaglesLaw the laws of Murphy]], and death."
* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seth_Lloyd Seth Lloyd]], a professor of mechanical engineering at MIT, once remarked,
--> "Nothing in life is certain except death, taxes and the second law of thermodynamics. All three are processes in which useful or accessible forms of some quantity, such as energy or money, are transformed into useless, inaccessible forms of the same quantity. That is not to say that these three processes don't have fringe benefits: taxes pay for roads and schools; the second law of thermodynamics drives cars, computers and metabolism; and death, at the very least, opens up tenured faculty positions."
* [[TheHouseOfStuart Charles II]] is alleged to have said, "There are three things in life that are certain: death, taxes, and [[UsefulNotes/BritishWeather that it is raining in Tavistock]]."
* TVTropes describes {{Shipping}} as one of the fundamental forces of nature along with Death and Taxes.

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[[folder: Professional Wrestling ]]

* In a 1993 story arc involving an inter-promotional feud between the Wrestling/{{WWE}} and USWA, Wrestling/{{Vince McMahon}} cut a promo in which he said that the three guarantees in life were [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I3mGNF1cLg Death, Taxes, and Randy Savage.]]
* [[Wrestling/TheDudleyBoys Team 3-D (The Dudley Boys)]] had a T-shirt in Wrestling/{{TNA}} that had "Death, Taxes, Tables" on the back.

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[[folder: Theatre ]]

* The song "For Now" from ''Theatre/{{Avenue Q}}'' has a lyric: Except for death and paying taxes everything in life is only for now.

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[[folder: Video Games ]]

* In [[ElectronicArts EA Sports']] ''FIFA 2010'', matches involving [[BritishFootyTeams Chelsea FC]] may feature small anecdotes, as told by the game's commentators, about the club's history and rise to form as one of England's powerhouse clubs during lull moments in the game. One such anecdote includes Martin Tyler remarking on how Chelsea once used to be the ButtMonkey of many jokes amongst comedians, including one such joke, "Three things are certain in life: death, taxes, and Chelsea keeps building up only to disappoint."
* In the ''MightAndMagic'' games, some [=NPCs=] state that there are only three certainties in life: Death, Taxes, and that you'll hear the comment about death and taxes sooner or later.
* If you play [[BlizzardEntertainment Blizzard]] games three things are certain in life : death, taxes and [[DevelopmentHell soon]][[TradeSnark ]].

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[[folder: Western Animation ]]

* In ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' episode "Sideshow Bob Roberts," [[NoCelebritiesWereHarmed Birch]] [[Radio/RushLimbaugh Barlow]] declares:
-->You know, there are three things we're never going to get rid of here in Springfield: one, the bats in the public library -- ''scene switch to man opening card catalog and screaming as bats fly out'' -- two, Mrs. [=McFierly's=] compost heap -- ''scene switch to huge compost pile and Mrs. [=McFierly=] rocking nearby with a shotgun, cackling'' -- and three, our six-term mayor, ''scene switch to Quimby watering a marijuana plant'' the illiterate, tax-cheating, wife-swapping, pot-smoking, spendocrat Diamond Joe Quimby.

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[[folder: Real Life ]]


In Brazil, there's a saying: there are three things that you do just once in life: you are born, you die and "insert X here".
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''There are three certainties in life: Death, Taxes, and [[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife TV Tropes Ruining Your Life]].''