http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.jpg
[[caption-width:320:[[TeamShot The Shelfians]]]]


->''1) "It's this girl who usually writes about movies and books and stuff but she also likes dolls, who are generally movie-related, and she wrote about the dolls a couple of times in passing as if they were real, and then one day she started writing about them picking out other dolls because she thought it was funny, and then it developed into a [[MegaCrossover multi-fandom]] SoapOpera that she writes for fun, and some of the dolls are in love with each other and some of the others want to kill each other and one of them has a MyLittlePony ranch. He's a [[Literature/{{Twilight}} sparklepire]]!"''\\


->''2) "It's this girl and she's [[CloudCuckooLander out of her mind, basically]]."''\\
--'''Cleolinda Jones''', ''How to explain Secret Life''

''The Secret Life of Dolls'' is an ongoing [[{{Fanfic}} dollfic]] written by Creator/CleolindaJones (of Movies in Fifteen Minutes internet-fame).

It started out as a comedic short starring her (at the time) small collection of dolls. As it got more installments, the plot became [[MegaCrossover more complicated]]. A big part of it was due to readers being generous, buying Cleo ''more'' dolls to use in the story. This led to a mini CreatorBreakdown. She eventually had to ask readers (very apologetically) to only send in props, since the number of characters had become overwhelming to write for and she was uncomfortable with getting such expensive gifts.

The story and humor is almost solely character-based. Although the dolls are similar in personality to the movie/book characters they are based on, they each are clearly unique from them (perhaps with the exception of Tonner [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward]]). Cleo says in story that she doesn't know what point in the timeline of their source material the dolls are from, so it's all pretty loose.

''Secret Life'' has to be one of the most fun fanfics out there, and it's somewhat addictive. You can start reading it [[http://cleoland.pbworks.com/Secret+Life+Read-Through here]].

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!!This dollfic provides examples of:

* AllWomenAreLustful: Most noticeable in the earliest installments. The girls of the Shelf are like frat boys.
* AnachronicOrder: Due to some spillover from RealLifeWritesThePlot (Cleo's computer had a meltdown during 2009), recent episodes have been jumping back and forth.
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: Regarding [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward Dollen]] after he [[spoiler: killed Ellowyne Two]]:
-->"The most frequent phrases to come out of his mouth in those days were, "I deserve it," "I can hardly blame them," and "Where did you put the Scrubbing Bubbles this time?""
* AxCrazy: [[Film/VanHelsing Anna Dollerious]] is this most of the time.
-->"RAZORRRRRRRS!"
* BadassBoast: Éowyn. OK, she's [[CatFight challenging Ellowyne for the rights to romance]] [[Literature/{{Twilight}} The Littlest Edward]]. But still:
-->"YOU THINK YOU'RE WOMAN ENOUGH TO TAKE THIS ON? BECAUSE I TOOK DOWN THE WITCH-KING OF FUCKIN' ANGMAR AND BITCH I'LL FUCKIN' TAKE YOUR CANDY ASS ANY DAY THAT ENDS IN Y."
* BerserkButton: Cleo has a few in the story, like when Tonner [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward]] asked her about having Crayons:
-->"You have Crayons?"
-->"Yes, I have--"
-->"You're--how old are you?"
-->"YES I AM THIRTY AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? ''EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS''."
* BewareTheNiceOnes / [[CrouchingMoronHiddenBadass Crouching Cuckoolander Hidden Badass]]: White Arwen casually blasting squirrels. We probably should have anticipated this given how calm she was when Little Edward tried to bite Iorek.
* BiTheWay: Anna and Elizabeth.
* ButtMonkey: [[TheLordOfTheRings Fugagorn, the Fug Of Men]] (A "really frickin' ugly" doll of [[LordOfTheRings Aragorn]] that Cleo got because it was retailed less than a more expensive doll.).
* CatsAreMean: Bad Cat, and White Arwen's one-time pet Mr. Whiskers.
* CloudCuckooLander: White Arwen. Her slightly smushed face makes Cleo imagine she's [[ManChild childlike]]. In something of a subversion, though, she's much calmer and more capable in emergencies than most of the other characters.
* CompanionCube[=/=]LivingToys: Cleo's collection.
* CreepyDoll: Particularly bad with Tonner Edward Dollen, but at first when Anna Dollerious says what she thinks about getting [[http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v118/cleoicons/dolls/secret_life/sld_nightterrors.gif The Littlest Edward]]:
-->"[I'm] not so lonely that I wanna go to sleep and have THAT lurking over me when I wake up. And you know he'll, like, imprint on one of us or some shit--knowing your luck, E, he'll imprint on Cleo, and he'll just sit on her pillow all night, rocking back and forth."
-->And we all shudder together. It's a nice feeling, sisterly solidarity.
* CrowningMomentOfHeartWarming: The Valentine's Day installments. They are just pure awwww.
** [[http://pics.livejournal.com/cleolinda/pic/0014dw3d This picture.]] That is all. (It's from [[http://cleoland.pbworks.com/slod-09-0321-early this installment]], if you were wondering.)
** Also, Bella's reaction to [[spoiler: Edward's My Little Pony habit:]]
--> [[spoiler: "Well, you’re a total weirdo. But you’re ''my'' weirdo. C'mon upstairs--the sheep is still staring at me, it’s freaking me out."]]
* DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu: in [[http://cleoland.pbworks.com/w/page/slod-10-1009-gathering ''The Gathering Storm'']].
-->"You ''punched it'' in ''the nose''?"
* DoubleEntendre: ''Lots'' of jokes about swords. Also:
-->"I'm not supposed to but I've tasted your shortcake!" [The Littlest Edward] blurted out (I immediately filed this away for future double entendre use).
* FanNickName: Tonner Edward has: Tallward, Edward Tallen, Dollenpants, Doucheward.
* FeeFiFauxPas: Tonner Bella accidentally petting Pan.
* FlatWhat: About one of the Tonner models for Edward Dollen at one point. In the form of, "Seriously. Oh my God. What." Also, The Littlest Bella after The Littlest Edward poured his guts out at her.
* FullNameUltimatum: Cleo has to stop mid-rant to look up The Littlest Edward's full name so she can properly express her outrage.
** Later on she doesn't even bother:
--->"EDWARD SOMETHING WHATEVER CULLEN!"
*** It gets better.
--->"EDWARD DAMN HELL ASS CULLEN!"
* TheFunInFuneral: [[spoiler: poor Ellowyne Two.]]
* HappilyMarried: Fugagorn to White Arwen and Helm's Deep Aragorn to Purple Arwen.
* HeWhoFightsMonsters: Anna, [[http://cleoland.pbworks.com/slod-09-0303-monsters in an installment]] which was named after the trope itself.
* GenreSavvy: Cleo saying:
-->"I won't say anything. I mean, unless it gets all stupid up in here like one of those movies where it'd be over in five minutes if everyone just sat down and ''talked'' to each other."
* AGoodNameForARockBand: "White Arwen and the Aragorns (have you heard my new garage band, White Arwen and the Aragorns?)" This becomes a RunningGag with Galadriel and the Arwens and Lyra and the [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Twilighters]].
* GuiltyPleasures: Oh god is it this. A soap opera played by ''dolls.'' Multiple primary characters are from Twilight. And this male troper CAN'T STOP READING IT.
* HandsOnApproach: Éowyn uses this to break the ice with Faramir.
* IncompatibleOrientation: Faramir Two and Fugagorn, Faramir Two and Serafina.
* IWantMyBelovedToBeHappy: Faramir Two to Fugagorn (or Strider, as he calls him). It's also one of the big CMOH from the Valentine's Day installment mentioned above.
* KilledOffForReal: [[spoiler: Ellowyne Two]]
** [[spoiler: [[CuteGhostGirl Sort of.]]]]
* LampshadeHanging: There is a ''lot'' of this. Just one example:
-->"I did manage to raid our pantry for supplies, and if you were to ask me, "Wait, how do you use real-people ingredients to make plastic doll food?," I would reply, "LOOK! OVER THERE! ''TEEN HEARTTHROB OF YOUR CHOICE!"'' just before I ran away."
* LiteralSplitPersonality: The Faramirs. Faramir Two has the charisma, tactical and strategic leadership abilities. Faramir One has the WellDoneSonGuy complexes and Éowyn.
* MarsNeedsWomen: Dolls Need Man Dolls. Fugagorn just wasn't cutting it for the girls. Getting an Edward Dollen/Faramir doll was a central topic for a while, as well as getting a doll for Faramir Two. Then, later, Bella dolls were needed for the ''Edwards'' after they came.
* MeanwhileBackAtThe: Parodied (Cleolinda links to the trope page.):
-->I will leave behind the Middle-earthers (and the annoyerist fugitives) for a moment, if only so that I get to say, "Meanwhile, back at the ranch" and mean it literally. So. Meanwhile, back at the ranch..."
* MegaCrossover
* OfficialCouple: Anna Dollerious and Elizabeth Swann, Fugagorn and White Arwen, Helm's Deep Aragorn and Purple Arwen, Éowyn, and Faramir One.
* RunningGag: Swords/weapons, roll of felt, pie, have you killed anyone, etc. Also lots of gag immigrants from elsewhere in her writing, mostly the Twilight Recaps. Also, regarding the Bellae, "And then she fell over."
* SurferDude: Legolas (And, like so many other things about this, it ''works'').
* ParodyNames: The names of her dolls are often the same as the characters they're based on, but with slight changes, i.e. Fugagorn, The Fug of Men, Edward Dollen, etc.
* PercussivePrevention: In ''Stars And Stripes'', Lyra.
* PrettyBoy: [[TheGoldenCompass Lyra]] and [[PiratesOfTheCaribbean Elizabeth Swann]] had this discussion about a picture of the Will Turner doll:
-->Lyra popped up over Elizabeth's shoulder. "That scarf is a girly scarf."
-->"Well, that's just how guys dressed back... now."
-->"In tights?"
-->She sighed. "Sometimes Will was prettier than I was."
* TheSpeechless: {{Franchise/Barbie}} [[TheLordOfTheRings Galadriel]].
-->Barbie Galadriel just sits on the shelf and doesn't say anything, because Barbies don't talk, silly.
* UnexplainedRecovery: Anna Dollerious even {{Lampshade|Hanging}}s it with "I got better."
* WhamEpisode: ''Paradise Lost'', in which [[spoiler: Tonner Edward actually makes good on his warnings that he's dangerous, and ''kills Ellowyne Two''.]]
* {{Yandere}}: The Littlest Bella, although it's played for laughs.

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