[[quoteright:350:[[VideoGame/TeamFortress2 http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/eyelander.jpg]]]]
[[caption-width-right:350:[[http://www.teamfortress.com/war/demo/04.htm It knows what it wants.]] [[AccidentalInnuendo No, not that.]]]]
->''As a weapon, Lilarcor has its uses, but many a warrior has eventually given it away. Banter such as "Ouch, that musta hurt", "Oh yeah! Got 'im good", and "Beware my bite for it might...might...might really hurt or something" is a constant barrage on a warrior's psyche.''
-->-- '''[[FlavorText In-game]] description of Lilarcor''', ''VideoGame/BaldursGate 2''

A weapon--usually a CoolSword--that talks. ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin. Some combination of EmpathicWeapon, EvilWeapon, and ExpositionFairy may apply.

[[TropesAreNotGood It might get annoying,]] though. If the weapon ''[[MostAnnoyingSound won't shut up]]'', the wielder may feel BlessedWithSuck. If the weapon can do more than just talk, see EquippableAlly.
----
!!Examples:

[[foldercontrol]]
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%%% Zero Context Example entries are NOT allowed on wiki pages. All such entries have been commented out.
%%% Add context to the entries before uncommenting them.
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[[folder:Anime & Manga]]
* ''Manga/{{Bleach}}''
** Shinigami swords (zanpakutou) are born from the shinigami's soul. It takes talent and desire for the shinigami to awaken the living spirit within the sword for it to become an EmpathicWeapon and even more talent to learn its name and release its powers, at which point it crosses into a TalkingWeapon. Zanpakutou tend to share the shinigami's personality, including strengths and flaws, which can make it very hard for shinigami and their zanpakutou to get along. For those that crack the skill of Jinzen (the meditative skill of communing with the zanpakutou to strength bonds of trust and respect), great power can be developed and harnessed. It's not possible to reach the higher seats without this bond, and only one captain (Kenpachi Zaraki) has ever existed who had no communication with his zanpakutou. Lack of good communion with one's sword can diminish strength and make the sword itself fragile and prone to breaking. The manga mostly focuses on the MainCharacter's zanpakutou, Zangetsu, but has shown other zanpakutou such as Zabimaru [[spoiler: and Ouetsu Nimaiya's room full of HoneyTrap female zanpakutou spirits]].
--> '''Zangetsu:''' "Do you hear it, Ichigo? Do you hear his blade mourning? ... He has never listened to that voice. If they do not trust each other when fighting side-by-side, they will diminish each others strength. For someone who only believes in his own strength, it is impossible to understand that. Ichigo, do you trust me?"
--> '''Ichigo:''' "Of course. I'll give you all of my power. Use it however you like and then please lend me yours."
** While most arrancar don't even have {{empathic weapon}}s (their zanpakuto are merely their full power sealed into a sword), Coyote Starrk's power did not split into an arrancar and a sword like other Espadas, it split into two arrancar (himself and Lilynette). When they recombine to reach full strength, Lilynette becomes a pair of talking (and extremely opinionated) guns.
* In ''LightNovel/{{Durarara}}'', the cursed blade Saika speaks only [[HearingVoices in its owner's mind]], but ''[[MadnessMantra continually]]''. About love. [[SexIsViolence Which it assimilates to slashing people]]. After all, it's a sword; cutting people is the only way it can express itself. Have we mentioned it's said to be cursed because it makes its owners crazy?
* Sou'unga in the third ''Manga/InuYasha'' movie, ''Swords of an Honorable Ruler'', is an evil youkai sword that talks -- often in the form of {{Hannibal Lecture}}s.
* Haganemaru in ''{{Kurogane}}'' is capable of speech, which is useful, as its wielder ''isn't''.
* Yuri has a talking sword (or at least one that constantly moans) in ''LightNovel/KyoKaraMaoh''.
* In ''LastFantasy'', a character wields a sword with an eye that screams for souls which appears to be a CaptainErsatz of [[SoulCalibur Soul Edge]]... but turns out to be an overpriced novelty item he bought in the last town.
* The various [[SwissArmyWeapon Intelligent and Armed Devices]] in ''Franchise/LyricalNanoha'' not only speak, they speak in [[SurprisinglyGoodEnglish surprisingly well-pronounced]] [[GratuitousEnglish English]] [[GratuitousGerman and German]].
* Babbo in ''{{MAR}}'' is a talking flail... or maybe cup-and-ball game.
* The more powerful Demon Swords from ''TheSacredBlacksmith'' are [[ExaggeratedTrope this trope taken to the eleven]]. Not only they speak, they have personality and ponder about the meaning of their existence and their relationship to humans. Oh, and they can take human form too.
%%%* Maken Arabuki in ''SengokuYouko''.
%%%* The staffs in ''{{Shigofumi}}''.
* Every weapon character in ''Manga/SoulEater'' could count as this, seeing as they are humans who have taken a weapon form. Excalibur in particular is ''extremely'' talkative(FOOL!), though more of the {{Cloudcuckoolander}}y ty(FOOL!)pe, and he's usually only in sword form when being used (FOOL!) or stored in the stone (FOOL!). Excalibur talks (FOOL!). And talks(FOOL!). And talksandtalksandtalksand(FOOL!)--argh SHUT UP DAMNIT! (ﺧ益ﺨ)
** When Ragnarok is in its sword form, it fits nicely into this trope. Not only can Ragnarok speak, it has a mean [[MakeMeWannaShout scream attack]].
* The Swordians, in a couple episodes of ''Manga/SpaceAdventureCobra'', are a whole species of talking swords with telekinetic powers.
%%%* Derflinger from ''LightNovel/ZeroNoTsukaima''.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Comics]]
* ''ComicBook/BuckGodotZapGunForHire'' has the [[http://www.airshipentertainment.com/buckcomic.php?date=20070201 Loquacious Lasers, Smith and Wesson]], who are the minds behind the Pistol Packin' Polaris Packrat's exploits. Also, presumably Buck's Junior (but he doesn't talk to them anymore).
* ''TheHelm'' features a slight twist on this - as you can imagine, it's the hero's ''helmet'' that talks. And only he can hear it. There's some question as to whether or not he's simply insane, but he reasons that if this were some delusional fantasy his magic talking helmet wouldn't be so mean to him.
%%%* Carvin' Marvin and Tremble from ''ComicStrip/KnightsOfTheDinnerTable''.
* In ''TheOrder'', Athena archetype Avona's talking sword is technologically crafted and named "Bluetooth".
* The Singing Sword (Sister Blade of {{Excalibur}} of ''ComicStrip/PrinceValiant'') is this trope taken seriously; it sung (probably along the lines of a CherubicChoir) whenever wielded by OnlyThePureOfHeart. After this, the concept was never taken seriously, ever again.
* Smax from ''ComicBook/TopTen'' has a singing sword that he usually hides under a cloth (both because it's annoying and because he doesn't like to talk about his homeland). When he goes into battle in his [[ComicBook/{{Smax}} self-titled mini-series]], the sword starts singing ABBA.
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Fan Works]]
* In ''Fanfic/WithStringsAttached'', [[{{BFS}} Blackfire]] mostly just whines like a mosquito, but when the Hunter tries to throw it over a cliff at the urging of the four, it starts to scream “STAY AWAY, HUMANSSSS!” at the four. And he finds he can't let go of it....
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Film]]
* Rare non-fantasy example: the Lawgivers in the ''Film/JudgeDredd'' film talk to confirm weapon choices and give their status. However, they don't have the sentience of most weapons on this page: Those are just vocal messages.
* The Acme singing sword from the movie ''Film/WhoFramedRogerRabbit''. Which, in addition to being [[NoCelebritiesWereHarmed a caricature of Frank Sinatra]], was a ShoutOut to Characters/BugsBunny's singing sword in "Knighty Knight Bugs".
* In ''The Last Sentinel'' the main character carries a sapient talking rifle, possibly a shout out to ComicBook/RogueTrooper.
[[/folder]]

%%%[[folder:Gamebooks]]
%%%* Excalibur Junior (a.k.a. "E.J.") from the ''GrailQuest'' Solo Fantasy books.
%%%[[/folder]]

[[folder:Literature]]
* In ''Discworld/TheColourOfMagic'' (both the book and the miniseries), Rincewind comes across Kring, a talking sword that tries to help him save Twoflower from Wyrmburg. It had very definite ideas about how its wielder should act, threatening to kill Rincewind if he didn't do the suitably heroic thing, by pointing itself at his neck. The sword disappears afterwards and its current whereabouts are unknown, although it may have been dropped overboard from the back of a dragon flying at great height above a very deep sea. Whoops.
-->"What I'd really like is to be a ploughshare. I don't know what that is, but [[CallToAgriculture it sounds like an existence with some point to it]]."
** There was also Imp/Buddy's harp, which (as the focal point of The Music) didn't talk, but definitely had a mind of its own.
* In ''Literature/TheSilmarillion'', Túrin Turambar has a "to be or not to be" moment where he asks his cursed sword, Gurthang, if it will take his life swiftly. The sword answers yes, and Túrin kills himself. This is overtly taken from Kullervo's death in ''Literature/TheKalevala'' (see the Myths folder below), but unlike Kullervo's sword Gurthang says it will gladly kill Túrin to [[spoiler:wash away the blood of the innocents he's murdered]]. And [[MaybeMagicMaybeMundane the story never makes it]] ''quite'' clear if it really talked: Túrin was less than sane, the sword only spoke that once, and nobody else was around to record the event or remember it after Túrin died.
%%% * The talking sword in ''The Prophecy'' by HilariBell.
* Need, from the ''Literature/HeraldsOfValdemar'' series. But it's not so much the sword as the soul of a woman from the ancient past who encased herself in the sword.
* ''TabletopGame/ForgottenRealms'' novels:
** In ''Elfsong'' Danilo Thann owns a singing sword. He taught it a [[BawdySong song]] about a knight who [[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor wished]] for a more impressive lance.
** Khazid'hea from the [[TheLegendOfDrizzt Drizzt]] novels can speak only telepathically to its current wielder, and often chooses not to do that. It desires to be wielded by the strongest warrior, and is capable of changing the shape of its pommel to make itself more appealing to a new wielder. It angsted for a while over its inability to alter the shape of its blade, since its desired wielder Drizzt fought with a scimitar instead.
** Dzeldazzar, "Defender of the Innocent" from ''[[http://ww2.wizards.com/Books/mirrorstone/Article.aspx?doc=fr_spinyarn2003a Only a Woman Can Take This Sort of Abuse]]'' [[SideStoryBonusArt Spin-a-Yarn story]], a sword using his speech ability mostly to show its KnightTemplar personality, who "rode" a paladin of Tyr for years. Until it happened to [[TooDumbToLive crash the Seven Sisters's party and attack one of them]].
* It's more than just a weapon, but the black ka'kari in ''Literature/TheNightAngelTrilogy'' eventually becomes fairly talkative, and at one point, it refuses a command. Given that it chooses its own master and is supposedly highly intelligent, it seems fairly likely that it's the ka'kari which humors its owner rather than the other way around.
* Craig Shaw Gardner's ''[[TheWanderingsOfWuntvor Wuntvor]]'' books have Cuthbert, a talking sword who's a total coward and wails pretty loudly about all this blood and ichor everyone insists on drenching him in.
* The [[CoolSword live swords]] in ''Literature/{{Paladins}}'', they can only talk telepathically when someone's touching their hilt but [[BloodKnight the Khan]] at least gives the impression of being able to perceive events around it.
* Nightblood in ''Literature/{{Warbreaker}}'' is a sword that not only speaks (telepathically) nearly constantly, but is also something of a DeadpanSnarker. He also reads minds and seems to think any thought he picks up was directed at him.
* In L. Jagi Lamplighter's ''[[ProsperosDaughter Prospero in Hell]]'', the Wounding Wand. Caurus thinks he's too tired, because he hears it; [[EvilWeapon Miranda warns him to not listen]].
* ''Literature/RumoAndHisMiraculousAdventures''. Rumo gets a sword that talks to him, but he is the only one who can hear it. The problem: The two-bladed "sword" (more the size of a pig-sticker) actually contains two personalities. One is a very talkative and mostly ineffective coward (who talked Rumo in taking the sword), the other one a blood-thirsty, single-minded warrior (who can sulk when denied a fight). Rumo actually threatens to abandon the sword should it not stop talking.
* In StephenHunt's ''The Court Of The Air'', there is a talking sword that is actually wise and generous.
* The living Shardblades in ''Literature/TheStormlightArchive'', since they are actually a form that the Radiant's spren companion can assume. The dead Shards as well, though it's not so much ''talking'' as ''screaming in unspeakable agony''.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* Teddy from ''Series/KamenRiderDenO'' in his sword form. Not only does he speak, he has a very large, grinning mouth. Sort of like a Cheshire Cat if it were a sword.
** ''Den-O'' also has the [=DenKamen=] Sword, through which the Taros can speak, and the Denebick Buster, which is Deneb turned into a [[MoreDakka energy machinegun]] and therefore The Gun That Speaks.
** Later ''Den-O'' movies make this Kotaro (New Den-O)'s gimmick; rather than being possessed by the Taros, they turn into Weapons That Speak for him to wield. ''Episode Blue'' shows Urataros and Kintaros turning into a talking [[EpicFlail fishing rod]] and [[AnAxeToGrind axe]] respectively, and ''Let's Go Kamen Rider'' adds the Momotasword to the mix.
* ''MadanSenkiRyukendo'':
** [=GekiRyuKen=], who may possibly be smarter than his partner.
** [=GoRyuGun=] and [=ZanRyuJin=], with [=GoRyuGun=] being the Snarky Gun That Speaks, and [=ZanRyuJin=] being the Hot-Blooded Staff/Bow That Speaks.
* Tommy's sword Saba spoke in season 2 and 3 of ''Series/MightyMorphinPowerRangers''. He gradually shut up as time passed. He was British and definitely snarky, carried over from his Japanese counterpart ''Series/GoseiSentaiDairanger''.
* FRAN in ''Series/StargateAtlantis'' is technically a [[RidiculouslyHumanRobots Ridiculously Human Robot]] but crosses into this trope when [=McKay=] protests that she is the equivalent of a bullet or bomb and they shouldn't feel bad about using her as a weapon, even though she's self-aware. [=McKay=] quickly comes to regret giving her that speech when she freaks even him out by being disturbingly cheerful about fulfilling her intended purpose by "dying."
* ''Series/DoctorWho''. The Moment in "Day of the Doctor", an ultimate Time Lord weapon that became so advanced it gained sentience, thus no-one dared use it for fear it would turn on them. When the War Doctor activates it [[GodzillaThreshold to stop the Time War by destroying both Time Lords and Daleks]], it [[InterfaceWithAFamiliarFace takes the form]] of [[CallForward future companion]] Rose Tyler in an attempt to [[EmpathicWeapon convince the Doctor not to activate it]].
* Frank's gun in ''Series/{{Slingers}}'' is equipped with a full AI, sufficently intelligent for her to be counted as his [[RoboShip best]] [[CargoShip friend]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Music]]
* As described in the Blue Oyster Cult song "Black Blade" (based on the ''Elric'' stories, though the sword doesn't talk until after [[spoiler:it turns into a demon]] on the last page of the last story.).
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Myth & Legend]]
* The sword of Kullervo from the Finnish epic ''Literature/TheKalevala'' talks. The sword is not a chatterbox though; it speaks only once and then just before Kullervo is about to kill himself with it, making its point that it enjoys [[ArtifactOfDoom drinking blood regardless of whether it's innocent or guilty]]. Otherwise, the sword is unremarkable and unnamed.
* In the Estonian epic ''{{Literature/Kalevipoeg}}'' the eponymous hero also has one. Turns out that it kind of hates him because he killed the son of the smith who made it. And eventually [[spoiler:it ends up killing him, abusing his ExactWords.]]
* OlderThanPrint: The following incident is from IrishMythology's ''Literature/TheBattleOfMaghTuireadh'':
--> It was in this battle Ogma found Orna, the sword of Tethra, a king of the Fomor, and he took it from its sheath and cleaned it. And when the sword was taken out of the sheath, it told all the deeds that had been done by it, for there used to be that power in swords.[[note]]Quoted from Lady Augusta Gregory's ''Complete Irish Mythology''.[[/note]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Tabletop Games]]
* ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons'' has rules for intelligent weapons, including how well they can communicate (e.g. starting with simple "empathy" and going all the way to full-blown telepathic powers)... as well as rules for conflicts of wills between weapon and wielder. The stock intelligent weapons described in the manual range all over the power and alignment spectrums... including one sword that is recommended for a deaf swordsman.
** Intelligent weapons in other media based on D&D (R. A. Salvatore's ''ForgottenRealms'' novels, ''VideoGame/BaldursGate'') tend to break some of these rules because, quite sensibly, they're more concerned with finding a wielder who'll suit their purposes than one who has the same alignment as the rules demand. Thus, Khazid'hea, though [[EvilWeapon apparently evil and certainly not good]], wants to be wielded by the greatest warrior, i.e. Drizzt Do'Urden (at first), who's ChaoticGood. Lilarcor, on the other hand, who seems to be ChaoticNeutral, doesn't refuse to be wielded by anyone because it just wants to kill things.
** The rules in 3d Edition noted that it wasn't alignment ''per se'' that trigger conflicts of will between the weapon and the wielder, but rather the purpose of the weapon and the intentions of the wielder coming into conflict. Alignment just tended to be a fair guide to just how much risk there was for those two to diverge.
* Some Daemon weapons in ''TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}}'' fit this trope. ''You do not want to listen to them.'' Unless you're evil, in which case listen away -- many are full of sound advice. Some particularly powerful Daemon Weapons can exert limited Telekinesis. [[BigBad Abbadon's]] sword, for instance, once got him wounded by pulling him towards Eldrad -- while he was impaled on Eldrad's force weapon.
* ''TabletopGame/{{GURPS}}: Thaumatology'' has rules for how intelligent weapons communicate, ranging from simple emotional impressions to mind control.
* ''TabletopGame/WraithTheOblivion'' has the very disturbing soulforged weapons. Most ghosts believe the process of beating a soul into an inanimate object on an anvil destroys the victim's consciousness, but that's small comfort when that fancy new battle-axe starts weeping. ''TabletopGame/{{Exalted}}'' uses the soulforging concept from ''Wraith'', but dispenses with the comforting belief that the victims aren't [[AndIMustScream still aware and screaming in agony forever]].
* The Singing and Dancing Sword from ''TabletopGame/{{Munchkin}}''. Useful since you don't need any hands to wield it so you can add it even if you're carrying other items.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Video Games]]
* Caliburn from ''SonicAndTheBlackKnight'', who also serves as an ExpositionFairy for [[SonicTheHedgehog Sonic]].
* The Swordians from ''VideoGame/TalesOfDestiny'', who are revealed to have once been people from the past. Or rather, their memories and personality imprinted onto the swords.
* As the above quote illustrates, Lilarcor from ''BaldursGate 2''. Lilarcor has an AxCrazy personality. Many players find it to be a most suiting weapon for the mentally less-than-stable Ranger Minsc. So much in fact that a fan-made GameMod adds extra banter if Minsc is wielding the sword.
-->'''Minsc:''' I have asked Larry many times why he is my sword. I say, "Larry, why are you Minsc's sword?" and he says--\\
'''Lilarcor:''' Because you got the grip and I've got the rip! Yeeaaaaaaahhhh!
* In ''VideoGame/DevilMayCry 3'', Dante gets a pair of talking swords that he soon tells to shut up. Notable in that most of his weapons were former demons, but aren't too talkative; Agni and Rudra, however, ''started'' as swords. They remain silent because Dante told them to keep quiet, but their voices can be heard when using one of their more powerful combos, calling out ''"Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust"''.
* In ''VideoGame/{{Disgaea 4|A Promise Unforgotten}}'', all of the magichange swords (And every other magichange weapon) are capable of speech, being [[EquippableAlly sentient monsters shapeshifted into the form of a weapon]]. They're usually the ones doing the talking instead of the wielder during attacks.
* Exor in ''VideoGame/SuperMarioRPG''. This giant living weapon is a major member of [[BigBad Smithy]]'s gang, crashing into Bowser's Keep, shattering the Star Road in the process (causing the Seven Stars to fly off throughout the world), and claiming Bowser's Keep as his gang's.
* The Azure and Crimson Azoths from ''[[AtelierSeries Atelier Iris 2: The Azoth of Destiny]]'' both speak.
* The Star Dragon Sword from the ''{{Suikoden}}'' series. It ''tries'' to come off as ancient and all-knowing, but since the only person who can wield it is the resident BoisterousBruiser, they both end up snarking to each other ''constantly''.
* All the [[InfinityPlusOneSword Relic Weapons]] in ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyXI'' speak at least once, although Guttler talks regularly when in the hands of its [[TimeTravel previous owner]]... its hobbies include [[BloodKnight blood, cutting, and dissection.]] [[CrowningMomentOfFunny Its prior owner even tells it to shut up on occasion, then turns to you and nervously pretends she didn't say anything.]]
* Enserric the Longsword in ''VideoGame/NeverwinterNights: Hordes of the Underdark'', who has an insult prepared for almost any type of enemy you encounter. [[spoiler: He is also somewhat of a DeadlyUpgrade, at least when he insists on rearranging your stats.]]
* ''VideoGame/DarkCloud'':
** [[CatGirl Xiao's]] slingshot Steve provides an EnemyScan and most of the game's humor.
** Steve the [[HumongousMecha Ridepod]] from ''Dark Cloud 2'' can get a speech upgrade, but it just uses it to yell [[MostAnnoyingSound PIECE OF CAKE!]] over and over.
* [[CuteWitch Yoriko's]] [[SimpleStaff staff]], Mike in ''VideoGame/ArcanaHeart'', who is a very arrogant Demon King that got trapped in this form.
* ''VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft'':
** Corrupted Ashbringer whispers to you when you're close enough to Darion while he's carrying it. It's [[NightmareFuel quite unnerving]] at times if you don't see it coming. Corrupted Ashbringer once was a useable item, and the ghost of Mograine would whisper to the wielder through it.
** Frostmourne relays the voice of the Lich King to the wielder's head. Now that the wielder IS the Lich King, it probably does not whisper to him anymore, though. Turns out that the souls of everyone it kills are trapped inside, and can show up to harangue Arthas. This may be one of the reasons he was storing it in an empty room instead of carrying it with him the whole time.
** Garrosh Hellscream's weapon, [[EvilWeapon Xal'atoh, Desecrated Image of Gorehowl]], is a twisted copy his father's axe, [[AncestralWeapon Gorehowl]]. Created by the power of the [[EldritchAbomination Old God]] [[EmotionEater Y'shaarj]], it whispers into the mind of any player that wields it. Naturally, said whispers are rather unsetteling.
-->'''Xal'atoh whispers:''' Carve more slowly so that I may feed.\\
'''Xal'atoh whispers:''' Eyes are the window to the soul. Shatter them forever.
* The Seventh Scripture in ''{{Tsukihime}}''/''Kagetsu Tohya'' carries the spirit of a half-unicorn, half-teenaged girl inside it. So it's capable of talking to those who either get their blood stained on it or have potent magical potential. Or Shiki/Arihiko's sister. Er. Anyway, mostly what she does is complain about Ciel's treatment of her. And no, it's not exactly a sword, but it ''is'' an annoying weapon that talks too much. She also loves carrots.
* ''VideoGame/DungeonCrawl'' has a weapon attribute aptly described as "It makes noises.", which may be applied to any random artifact weapon, meaning you might find talking specimens of pretty much any kind of weapon present in the game. Any such weapon will cause noises at irregular intervals while wielded; most of these noises are recognizable speech. Far from being a harmless annoyance for the player, the noise also tends to alert nearby hostiles to the wielder's presence.
* ''VideoGame/CastlevaniaSymphonyOfTheNight'' has an odd example in the Sword Familiar. Once it reaches a certain level, it can be equipped as a normal sword and stays quiet. Its more common form, though, is a floating sword [[FairyCompanion that fights alongside Alucard]], and in that form it shouts victoriously and taunts the enemies (and Alucard himself, at lower levels).
* Depicted above: the ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2'''s Demoman's haunted sword Eyelander will occasionally whisper "Heads..." to the wielder. Fittingly enough, when the Demoman decapitates people with it, he gains a status buff.
** It gets a lot more eloquent in the ''Ring of Fired'' comic, or at least enough to [[ItMakesSenseInContext insult the hell out of a TV show]].
* The Axe from ''TheBardsTale'' (the new version) not only talks but also lets you perform sweet [[IncrediblyLamePun electric guitar riffs]] when summoning your followers.
* VideoGame/MetalGearRisingRevengeance Solid Snakes apparent final fate, as a talking kendo stick joke DLC item.
* ''VideoGame/{{Mabinogi}}'''s spirit weapons only speak when spoken to.
* ''VideoGame/{{Torchlight}}'' contains the [[http://torchlightarmory.com/item?i=2561 Sword of Adam]] as a rare unique drop and a LethalJokeWeapon. Its stats are a mixture of useful and nonsensical. When swung the sword says random non-sequitors such as "Wizard!" and "Ssssoooo 3-D!" and "Hnnnarrnng!" Most probably an in-joke referring to one of the developers.
* ''VideoGame/NieR'' has Grimoire Weiss, a talking book that not only serves as Nier's sidekick but is also the one casting his spells.
* The Onyx Blade in ''SoulNomad'' talks during the opening sequence due to the SealedEvilInACan trapped inside it. Said evil quickly leaps to the main character in an attempt at DemonicPossession, leaving the weapon silent again.
* Lumina, the Sword of Luminescence from ''BraveFencerMusashi''.
-->'''Musashi:''' What the...! Th...the sword! Lumina talks!?
-->'''Lumina:''' I...AM...NOT...TALKING...TELEPATHIC...COMMUNICATION.
* There are a few of these in ''VideoGame/{{Borderlands 2}}'':
** If you take the AI core from "Out of Body Experience" to Marcus at the end of the quest, he'll install it in a gun that will provide commentary like "Nice one, boss!" when you kill an enemy, or "Why'd we stop shooting?" when you reload or if you aim down the sights ("Let's take a closer look.").
** The Morningstar sniper rifle, given to you by Hyperion (the MegaCorp owned by the BigBad), constantly tries to guilt-trip you for killing people with it
** The Bane is a gun that has annoying shrieks replacing the usual shooting sound effects.
* ''VideoGame/ShadowsOfTheDamned'' has Johnson, a talking skull/torch that serves as both Garcia's SnarkyNonHumanSidekick and a SwissArmyWeapon, transforming into different guns and also serving as a melee weapon in his default form.
* In ''VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaSkywardSword'', Link's sword is inhabited by a spirit named Fi, which manifests itself in the form of a young girl. She frequently gives Link advice on how to proceed, and basically serves as his ExpositionFairy. [[spoiler:Ghirahim is later revealed to be Demise's own talking weapon as well.]]
* The blade of Ahrah from "Dust: An Elysian Tail" doubles as the wise mentor.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Comics]]
* Camlann from ''TheAdventuresOfWiglafAndMordred'', once ranting for [[http://liliy.net/wam/2008/06/18/somewhere-mordred-is-laughing/ over 1000 words]] after being let out of a sheath where he hadn't been able to talk
* Blackshard, the talking -- and shapeshifting! -- sword in ''{{Darken}}''.
* Discussed in TheRant of this ''DarthsAndDroids'' [[http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0421.html strip]].
-->Basically, the more powerful a sword is and the more useful it would be for a PC to be in control of all of the fantastic abilities it can grant, the more Ego the sword has, the less likely it is to acquiesce to demands to use those abilities, and the more likely it is to talk back and be generally annoying at the worst possible moment!\\
Is that the perfect game mechanic or what? [[Creator/GaryGygax Gary]], we are humbled by your boundless game mastering genius.
* There's a stuck-up teenage emo sword in ''DumnestorsHeroes''.
* Oruuka from ''FiyoraNya'', due to pretty much being a SoulJar.
* The heroine of ''Webcomic/MixedMyth'' obtains a sword that has the voice and personality of dog.
* ''Webcomic/{{Nodwick}}''
** In one strip Yeagar is duelling some other adventurer, while both are armed with talking swords. [[http://nodwick.humor.gamespy.com/gamespyarchive/index.php?date=2007-02-14 Their weapons make small talk throughout the fight]], completely ignoring what their wielders are doing with them...
** In [[http://nodwick.humor.gamespy.com/gamespyarchive/index.php?date=2002-03-13 another story]] the group is plundering several intelligent weapons with personal agendas (a hammer that hates giantkind, a trident gunning for enemies of the sea, and a black sword that just likes to kill things) and make Nodwick carry everything. When the party encounters enemies that fall into all three categories, [[PowersViaPossession the weapons push Nodwick into a raging frenzy and he goes to town on them]].
%%%* The Cursing Axe in ''OnceUponATable''.
* Torg's magic sword, Chazz, in ''Webcomic/SluggyFreelance'', activated in the arc That Which Redeems, and used frequently thereafter. Notable in that it must drink the blood of the innocent for it to speak.
-->"Good morning, Master. Who shall we kill today?"
* A variation in ''TalesOfTheQuestor'': before it was named Wildcard, Quentynn's sword kept saying an advertising pitch for the merchant he got it from. At the most inappropriate times.
* ''Webcomic/KeychainOfCreation'': Soulsteal swords are supposedly made of the forsaken souls of ghosts writhing in constant pain (see ''Exalted'' in the Tabletop Games folder), but somehow Secret's shapeshifting Cluivnarihe is instead a wise-cracking {{Jerkass}} who mocks Secret when nobody else is around to hear its (her?) disparaging comments. The one time Secret is attacked while alone and really needs her weapon, she realizes she left it in the cart to get away from the noise. Oops.
* The axe from ''Webcomic/{{Waterworks}}'', solely for the sake of humor. Despite its ominous red glow, it just wants to cut down trees.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Original]]
* The axe from ''UnforgottenRealms'' speaks in a French accent, apparently. It turns out he was originally a lumberjack/wizard who was transmogrified into an axe, then brainwashed so he thought that he'd been an axe all along.
* Destiny's Wave, from the ''WhateleyUniverse''. It is the magical weapon of Bladedancer, the Handmaid of the Tao, and is a jade ''jian'' that can cut through pretty much anything. It has the soul of a great woman warrior sealed inside it, and seems perfectly willing to talk to Bladedancer's friends too.
* ''WebVideo/JourneyQuest'''s Sword of Fighting speaks. Generally in a fashion insulting to its wielder. The weapon itself may be AxCrazy, which seems odd for a sword.
* ''WebVideo/TheRPGFanatic'' features a talking sword who frequently harasses the game reviewer.
* ''TheIntercontinentalUnionOfDisgustingCharacters'', being a TakeThat at 1st Edition ''[[TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons AD&D]]'', includes several weapons built using the "intelligent weapons" rules. Included are Prometheus, a paladin's Holy Sword that gets off on killing things; and the Sick Sword, which is so powerful it only speaks in ALL CAPS.
* [[http://johnsu.deviantart.com/art/Mountain-Bandit-109099016 Bartow Laughingbones and his "Pretty Betty"]]. [[InvokedTrope Invoked]] in that a wizard hoped it will discourage the guy. But the talking axe not only enjoys "her" work, but turns out to be good company (at least for lonely mountain bandit), so this plan backfired.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* Lula the sword from ''WesternAnimation/DaveTheBarbarian''. Talking weapons show up often in this show. Owning one is treated as akin to dating or marriage -- so Lula is understandably upset when one of her old owners turns up (after having carelessly abandoned her years ago), begs her to come back, then gets bored with her and runs off with another sword.
* ''WesternAnimation/EarthwormJim'' did a parody episode about this. Jim gets a talking sword in a sandwich that claims to have been owned by all the great heroes. Eventually it's revealed that it's never actually done anything significant.
* In ''WesternAnimation/{{Wakfu}}'', Rubilax is a powerful elemental demon (called a "Shushu") [[SealedEvilInACan trapped inside a sword]]. He's very much of a {{Jerkass}} DeadpanSnarker, regularly belittling his guardian, [[IdiotHero Sadlygrove]], and even sometimes trying to possess him. But this is still a hundred times better than letting the demon out of his prison.
* The ''MuppetBabies'' acted out a fantasy RagsToRiches story where Piggy had to go on a quest to find a "Singing Sword", which never shut up until she shoved a sock in its mouth... and then wouldn't sing until she told it ''what song'' to sing.
-->'''Piggy:''' [[BreakingTheFourthWall Can you believe this?]]
* WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes: In "Knighty Knight Bugs", Bugs is tasked to retrieve a singing sword.
* In one episode of ''MadJackThePirate'' Mad Jack and his crew, which consists entirely of an anthropomorphic rat that is several times more competent than his captain, are tasked with retrieving the Singeing sword in order to slay a monster so they can get something epically ridiculous, only after they retrieve it do they discover it is not a blazing sword, as was advertised on the wall of the temple from which they got the quest, but a singing sword, that is prone to talking as a DeadpanSnarker, but mostly singing. This results in hilarity for the viewers and annoyance for the characters.
[[/folder]]

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