->'''Ralphie Parker''': Oh, fudge.\\
'''[[TimeshiftedActor Adult]] [[TheNarrator Ralphie]]''' (voiceover): Only I didn't say fudge. I said ''the'' word. The big one. The queen mother of dirty words. The "F-dash-dash-dash" word.
-->-- ''Film/AChristmasStory''

So you're writing a book, and one of your characters, for whatever reason, has to swear. Not a problem - unless your intended audience is children or people who are generally against swearing. Is the risk of offending them worth the artistic reward of using ''exactly'' the right word? What can you do?

Easy. Just say ''that'' the character swore, without going into exactly ''what'' he said.

There are two ways to go about this. The first way is to use direct dialogue, with a note that the offensive word the character "really" used has been replaced with something tamer. E.g.:
-->''"Do you want me to send the whole blasted army after you?" he snarled. Only "blasted" was not the word he used.''

This has the advantage of capturing more of the character's content and phrasing, but only a LemonyNarrator or a fairly intrusive first-person storyteller can get away with it.

The second way is to use indirect dialogue, more or less avoiding actual details. E.g.:
-->''Carruthers cursed under his breath.''

It can also overlap easily with ExpospeakGag, like so:
-->''Jannaway speculated, [[AtomicFBomb loudly]] and [[ClusterFBomb at length]], on Strafford's [[BastardBastard parentage]], [[BestialityIsDepraved sexual predilections]], and [[{{Hell}} eternal destiny]].''

This trope shows up in RealLife, as well, as the source of common phrases like "Bob told Alice [[{{Hell}} where to go]]," and "Alice told Bob [[AssShove where he could stick it]]."

Note that both versions involve the ''character'' actually swearing, and the ''narrator'' substituting less offensive language. That is what separates this trope from UnusualEuphemism, CurseOfTheAncients, and GoshdangItToHeck, in which the characters themselves use less offensive words rather than swearing. A combination of the two is occasionally used in which a character paraphrases an insult ''in-universe'', as in:
-->''"She told you to go away. Except... she didn't put it so politely."''

See also ForeignCussWord and PardonMyKlingon, in which actual swearing is portrayed, but is incomprehensible and therefore inoffensive to the reader. And compare SymbolSwearing. TactfulTranslation is when a translator [[InvokedTrope invokes this]] to avoid offending someone. Also note that this is chiefly a {{Literature}} trope. SoundEffectBleep and CurseCutShort are rough audiovisual-media equivalents, while [[TWordEuphemism T-Word Euphemism]] is often used for print.
----

!!Examples:

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:Comic Books]]
* In ''ComicBook/AllStarBatmanAndRobinTheBoyWonder'', after the Goddamn Batman throws "Jocko-Boy" Vanzetti into Gotham Harbor and lies that the hallucinogenic substance in his blood will never fade away, a text box reads "[[BlatantLies Standards of decency]] prevent us from printing Jocko-Boy's response." Later dialogue involves heavy use of 'fuck' and 'cunt', which raises the question of exactly what Jocko-Boy said that was so much worse.
* An early issue of ''ComicBook/YoungJustice'' features ComicBook/{{Superboy}} being reminded to stop a plane crashing into a crowd. Superboy's response is "Oh, * !", with a text box reading "* [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Insert current popular but unprintable teen profanity here]]."
* LeaningOnTheFourthWall example in an early issue of ''Comicbook/{{Excalibur}}'', when [[PsychoForHire Arcade]] captures [[TooCoolToLive Courtney Ross]]:
--->'''Arcade:''' "Be a shame to miss a minute a' the last day o'your life, trey, ''trey'' gauche, don'tcha think?"
--->'''Courtney Ross:''' "What '''I''' think, Arcade...isn't printable."
* German comic ''ComicStrip/NickKnatterton'': "The ladies accuse each other of having un-ladylike jobs" (during a CatFight)
* In the Marvel Boy mini-series, Noh-Varr carves "FUCK YOU" into New York using his space guns as a means of sending a message to Earth and his previous captors. The words itself are never shown in full, however - instead, you see SHIELD agents looking at the damage and noticing that it spells something, with the word "YOU" being shown along with the comment "There's more, sir..."
* Used in one ''CalvinAndHobbes'' strip when a board game between the title characters turns into an EscalatingWar.
-->'''Calvin's Mom:''' Isn't it cute how Calvin plays both sides of Monopoly with his stuffed tiger?
-->'''Calvin's Dad:''' I dunno...I overheard him using words he didn't learn in ''this'' household.
** Also: "'My...dad...is...a...big...' HEY!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Fan Works]]
* Although ''Fanfic/WithStringsAttached'' hardly shies away from good old Anglo-Saxon swear words, on occasion this trope is employed for variety, mostly in this context: “What's going on?” said John. Paul filled him in. John swore.
* ThePenguinsOfMadagascar FanFic ''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6715281/1/Princess Princess]]'' features Julien telling Skipper to "do something which, considering certain biological facts, was actually impossible".
* As is the case with a lot of her works, [[http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1758544/Aleine_Skyfire the author]] of the ''Fanfic/DeliverUsFromEvilSeries'' uses {{Said Bookism}}s such as ''swore'' and ''cursed''... and yet [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment still uses some profanity]]. The level of profanity has actually gone up over time in the first book, ''Mortality'', possibly matching the increasingly DarkerAndEdgier story. Plus, it ''is'' a [=WIP=], so the author might edit out some of the profanity in the future.
* In ''Fanfic/ThePrayerWarriors'', a variant is used, when Michael, [[TheInfiltration infiltrating]] [[Franchise/HarryPotter Hogwarts]] to learn about whether it's connected with the British government and planning an attack on Christians, attends a magic lesson. The author says that he will not mention the name of the spell Michael learned because "I don't want to teach you atheistic satanic scum how to do magic".
* A variant from ''Fanfic/CalvinAndHobbesTheSeries'':
--> "I will not go into details about how he was performing the operation. This story is only PG."
* The HungerGames fanfic ''Fanfic/SomeSemblanceOfMeaning'' uses this, usually the "[character name] cursed" variation.
* ''Fanfic/BaitAndSwitchSTO'' changes between the various [[TheseTropesShouldWatchTheirLanguage swear word tropes]] almost at random. Sometimes, as with the first time Eleya meets Admiral Marconi, it's "[character] swears" (this trope). Sometimes they swear [[PardonMyKlingon in alien languages]]. In a couple cases the author just uses a PrecisionFStrike (although the second time, when Gaarra and Eleya talk about their one-night stand, it was technically PardonMyKlingon crossed with TranslationConvention).
* In ''FanFic/AndAllTheStarsBurnedBright'', when Admiral Taylor informs Barbara Havers that Starfleet will ''not'' [[spoiler:be launching a rescue for the missing black ops team that includes her captain-slash-lover]]:
-->'''Narrator''': "...Barbara rather graphically suggested several places Starfleet Command could shove their lack of a rescue mission, most of which were not only anatomically impossible but also absolutely disgusting.... [and] followed this up by giving the admiral a lurid and inventive account of said admiral’s probable ancestors, not a one of which seemed to belong to any sentient or even remotely attractive species in the known reaches of the galaxy."
* Crossed with an inversion of PardonMyKlingon in ''Fanfic/RedFireRedPlanet'' (from the perspective of a Vulcan petty officer):
--> "Kybok heard Blackhawk say a word he had been told humans considered very rude."
* ''Fanfic/TheHeadhunt'': [[spoiler:Lore's head]] has just enough time to say "something uncomplimentary" before Eleya turns him off.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Film]]
* For the "replaced the curses with another word" variety: ''Film/AChristmasStory'' and "fudge".
* The in-universe version is used in ''Film/{{Speed}}'', when the main character is examining the bomb underneath the bus and one of the civilians on the bus is repeating what he says over a radio: the hero [[PrecisionFStrike swears in shock]] at something he sees, and the meek-looking office worker instead translates it as "Oh darn".
* Another in-universe example occurs in ''Film/{{Poltergeist}}'' when Steven remarks to Diane that boss didn't take him seriously when he told him where to go so he gave his boss directions.
* From ''Film/{{Fargo}}'', an upstanding citizen describing a conversation with a less savory fellow: "So he says, 'So I get it, so you think I'm some kinda jerk for askin',' only he doesn't use the word 'jerk'... And then he calls ''me'' a jerk, and says the last guy who thought he was a jerk was dead now. So I don't say nothin' and he says, 'What do ya think about that?' So I says, 'Well, that don't sound like too good a deal for him, then.'"
* The ending of ''Film/{{Brick}}'', in a shoutout to the Dashiell Hammet story mentioned below.
* ''Film/DonnieDarko'' features an annoying teacher who forces Donnie and the other students to engage in an absurd "character-building" exercise. Donnie rebels and deconstructs the whole exercise, so the teacher simply tells him he will get zero. Donnie's mouth opens and the camera cuts away to Donnie's parents at the principal's office, listening to a droning report on Donnie's behavior. The teacher tells them, "(Donnie) asked me to forcibly insert the lifeline exercise card into my anus." Cue a FunnyBackgroundEvent as Mr. Darko starts laughing and chokes as he tries to hold it back.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Literature]]
* Herman Wouk, in the preface to ''Literature/TheCaineMutiny'', assumes that readers will not want a more exact rendering of the sailors' habitual speech, and only notes that they use "horrible profanity". At one point, a CPO gives "vent to a string of profanities which meant roughly 'This is most unusual.'"
* Played with in the Literature/KnownSpace series, where "Bleep" and "Censor" have BECOME swear words. Lucas Garner is extremely smug about actually remembering why.
* In the book ''Speak'', when Melinda is talking with the principal, her parents, and the guidance counselor, the counselor asks if her parents have a strained relationship, and Melinda explained that the father said something that wasn't nice and the mother told her to go to a not-so-nice-place.
* In ''Literature/KingdomKeepers'', Maybeck swears rather frequently. However, it is never stated what he says. For example, in book 2 (I think), he says "Close the freaking door!" (or something to that effect). The very next sentence is "Only he didn't say freaking." They do this frequently. Or they simply say "Maybeck said a word that would have gotten him kicked out of class if he had been in school."
* In ''Literature/CheaperByTheDozen'' (or at least the book version), one of the kids calls a neighbor's kid a "son of an unprintable word". Most readers know what this means.
** Later there's "you unprintable son of a ruptured deleted."
* Shows up all the time in the ''Literature/{{Animorphs}}'' books.
** From ''Animorphs'' #1:
-->I guess Rachel thought the same thing. She slowed down just a little and began yelling and waving her arms. "Come on, come on, you--" And then she said some words I didn't realize Rachel even knew.
** When Marco tells Jake that a kid in their school has found the [[spoiler: morphing box]], Jake sits bolt upright in the middle of class and says "something you're not supposed to say in school".
** In the third ''Megamorphs'' book, the team goes back in time and end up at Princeton during segregation. One of the boys calls Cassie something very offensive. It's not stated, but since she then turns into a polar bear and asks "[[BewareTheNiceOnes am I white enough now?]]"...
* K.A. Applegate in general seems to like this trope, as it also shows up in ''Literature/{{Everworld}}''. Of particular note is the incident in the fifth book when the resident EmotionlessGirl goes UnstoppableRage.
--->She erupted in a stream of obscenity, spitting the words at me, eyes bulging, face red, raging, hurling the filthiest insults imaginable. I turned and walked away.
* From ''Literature/TheHomewardBounders'' by Creator/DianaWynneJones:
--->"Unprintable things!" I said--only I didn't say that. I really said them.
** In ''Wilkin's Tooth'', Buster and his gang used purple, orange, blank language - and they wouldn't be half as menacing if they ''actually'' used 'orange', 'purple' or 'blanking'.
* The reason that all of the orcs in ''Literature/TheLordOfTheRings'' spoke like British cadets instead of degenerate monstrous pillagers is that, as the appendix put it, their ''actual'' speech was too offensive to bother writing. (As he said, it was "only printable in the higher and artistically more advanced forms of literature".)
** As proof of this, we have the one line of genuine orc speech Tolkien ever actually published. Even the approximate translation still doesn't sound very nice:
--> ''Orkish: "Uglúk u bagronk sha pushdug Saruman-glob búb-hosh skai!" Translation: "Uglúk to the dung-pit with stinking Saruman-filth - pig-guts, gah!"'' (That was one of the three translations he gave at different times, but all were in the same style.)
* In ''Literature/GreatExpectations'', there is a scene in which a character's repeated uses of the word "damn" are printed as "bless". It's unclear whether this is censored or whether it's [[GoshdangItToHeck what he's actually saying]].
** A quote from ''Literature/AChristmasCarol'' reads thus:
--->"Scrooge said that he would see him -- yes, indeed he did. He went the whole length of the expression, and said that he would see him in that extremity first."
* In ''Literature/ForWhomTheBellTolls'', which is full of Spanish-speaking characters, Creator/ErnestHemingway rendered some words as "obscenity" or "unprintable" in dialogue, rather than either translating them or leaving them in Spanish. Hence the famous line: "I obscenity in the milk." Except for the expurgated word, this is a literal translation of the expression "me cago en la leche," which is [[ForeignCussWord not censored when the novel includes it in Spanish]].
* Creator/DavidEddings takes this trope and runs with it in ''Literature/TheBelgariad'' and ''The Malloreon''. The only actual curses in the entire series are the God's names like with Durnik's "Belar, Mara and Nedra" (which is described as swearing particularly well), but there are plenty of descriptions of cursing, including shocked reactions from the characters present. The absolute epitome of this is in the exchanges between [[VitriolicBestBuds Beldin and Polgara]], which are so epically vulgar that they can drive hardened warriors from the vicinity. It is said that Polgara can curse for hours nonstop, in multiple languages (usually at the same time), without ever repeating herself.
* This appears in ''Literature/HarryPotter'', about 50 times a book, [[SirSwearsALot usually with Ron doing it]] (indeed, "Ron swore", often "loudly", might be the CatchPhrase of the whole series), usually followed by Hermione or his mother berating him for it. It's quite effective -- readers get the sense that Harry and company are normal teenagers who curse and make rude hand gestures, without it interfering with the story. There's more directly-reported swearing in the later books, reflecting both the DarkerAndEdgier subject matter and the increased age of the characters and readers.
** Sometimes Rowling makes it easy and just [[CurseCutShort cuts off the dialogue]] (As in, "You--").
** ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheGobletOfFire'' includes the line "Ron told Malfoy to do something that Harry knew he would never have dared say in front of Mrs. Weasley", giving us Narrative Profanity Filter and a NoodleIncident in one.
*** Ironically, one of the few times [[PrecisionFStrike an actual swear is uttered]], it's by... Molly Weasley. Mind you, she had [[MamaBear every reason to let loose]], and of course OOCIsSeriousBusiness.
** In the scene where Harry, Hermione, and Ron are attacked in a Muggle cafe, Hermione "muttered a suggestion as to where Ron could stick his wand instead."
** Fred and George's sparklers "write swear words in midair of their own accord" when they are released inside Hogwarts.
** "Snape let out a stream of mixed swear words and hexes" during his Worst Memory in book 5
** Harry bangs his head and pauses to "employ a few of Uncle Vernon's choicest swear words."
** Creator/JKRowling does it for obscene gestures as well as words, such as during the Quidditch World Cup final in ''Goblet of Fire'':
--->"The leprechauns had risen into the air again and, this time, they formed a giant hand, which was [[FlippingTheBird making a very rude sign indeed]] across the pitch towards the Veela."
*** [[FridgeBrilliance There was possibly a method to this]], as depending on what country you're from, the hand sign that comes to mind could be completely different.
** Ron makes a rude hand gesture in front of his mother, who threatens to [[VSign jinx his fingers together]].
** Uncle Vernon, Mundungus, and Ron all use "effing" at least once. Not a swear word, but we know what they mean.
* In her nonfiction book ''Talk to the Hand'', Lynne Truss uses the word ''fuck'' a few times in the introduction, but then adds a note saying, "The author apologises for the high incidence of the word 'Eff' in this book," and thereafter uses ''Eff'' even in direct quote.
* Creator/TamoraPierce does this a fair amount -- it shows up in the ''Literature/TortallUniverse'' and ''Literature/CircleOfMagic'' series. Comes in both "Alanna swore colorfully..." and "The cook speculated on Briar's parentage..." flavors. (As of ''Literature/ProvostsDog'', she's abandoned it. ''Mastiff'' has liberal use of the word shit, as well as "swive", an antiquated synonym of "fuck".)
* The "describe the obscenities in non-obscene terms" use is done fantastically in ''Literature/TheShining'' when Creator/StephenKing describes the reactions of another driver to the MagicalNegro accidentally swerving across his lane.
--> "He invited the driver of the limo to perform an illegal sex act on himself. To engage in oral congress with various rodents and birds. He articulated his own proposal that all persons of Negro blood return to their native continent. He expressed his sincere belief in the position the limo-driver's soul would occupy in the afterlife. He finished by saying that he believed he had met the limo-driver's mother in a New Orleans house of prostitution."
* In Creator/TerryPratchett's ''Literature/{{Nation}}'', the narrator mentions a parrot shouting words "a 10 year old girl shouldn't know, but she was more concerned about the words she ''didn't'' know."
** He also uses it from time to time in the Literature/{{Discworld}} series. For example, in ''Discworld/ReaperMan'', Mustrum Ridcully uses a word "unfamiliar to those wizards who had not had his robust country upbringing and knew nothing of the finer points of animal husbandry" to cuss out the Dean for careless use of a fireball spell.
** Toyed with in ''Discworld/TheTruth''; the brutal Mr. Tulip has a speaking habit punctuated with "--ing" (sic), used in ways that heavily suggest swearing. It's gradually revealed that the characters in the novel are actually hearing him saying "(pause)ing" or actually pronouncing the dash.
*** When you reread it, ''knowing'' that he's not actually swearing this time, this bit of dialogue is much more funny.
--> '''Mr Tulip:''' It's a -ing virginal! So called because it was meant for -ing young ladies!
--> '''Priest:''' Gracious, really? I thought it was just a sort of early piano!
--> '''Mr Pin:''' Meant to be ''played'' by young ladies.
** From ''Discworld/GuardsGuards'': "They felt, in fact, thoroughly bucked up, which was likely how Lady Sybil would have put it and ''definitely'' several letters of the alphabet shy of how they normally felt."
** Additionally:
--->"D*mn!" said Carrot, [[LampshadeHanging a difficult linguistic feat.]]
** ''Discworld/{{Mort}}'' had this exchange between two thieves who tried to mug Mort, only to see him escape by walking through a wall:
--> "--- me, a ---ing wizard! I ''hate'' ---ing wizards!"
--> "You shouldn't --- them, then," said the second thief, effortlessly pronouncing a string of dashes.
* Literature/ConanTheBarbarian, when he wasn't swearing by Crom or his other gods, would often let loose with curses in his native tongue, such as in one scene in "The Scarlet Citadel" where, as his final words to EvilSorcerer Tsotha before being shut up in the dungeons, he "let loose a searing Cimmerian curse that would have burst the eardrums of an ordinary man."
* In one of Creator/PoulAnderson and Creator/GordonRDickson's ''Literature/{{Hoka}}'' stories, one character describes another as the offspring of a union that the compilers of Leviticus would not have approved of.
* Creator/PoulAnderson, "Peek! I See You": "'Oh!' said Paziliwheep, rather more pungently. 'Please ask his unblessed bureaucratship why he intends to excrete away so lovemaking much time on this ball of dirt', likewise rather more pungently."
** "A Bicycle Built for Brew: "McConnell is a four-lettering lovechild!"
* In the Louise Fitzhugh book ''Sport'', the (child) characters are described as using the worst language they can think of to describe bad situations, and, when even this isn't enough, substituting the word "blank". Naturally "blank" is the only blanking expletive that ever appears in the blanking book.
* Creator/RobertAHeinlein loves this trope, since he was both writing in the days when such curses were still considered somewhat unprintable, and often for the juvenile market. So his characters sometimes will say things like "Expletive Deleted!" or the first-person narrator will merely describe the profanity in vague and general terms such as "I told him what I thought of him, using words I hardly ever use."
** One memorable subversion of this trope appeared in ''Literature/StarshipTroopers''. Their first day in [[TheSpartanWay boot]] [[TrainingFromHell camp]], [[DrillSergeantNasty Sergeant Zim]] chews out the assembled cadets at great length.
--> '''Juan Rico:''' He never once repeated himself and he never used either profanity or obscenity. (I learned later that he saved those for ''very'' special occasions, which this wasn't.) But he described our shortcomings, physical, mental, moral, and genetic, in great and insulting detail.
* In Creator/KurtVonnegut's ''Hocus Pocus'':
-->"Bergeron's epitaph for the planet, I remember, which he said should be carved in big letters in a wall of the Grand Canyon for the flying-saucer people to find, was this:
-->WE COULD HAVE SAVED IT
-->BUT WE WERE TOO DOGGONE CHEAP
-->Only he didn't say 'doggone.'"
* Archie Goodwin of the Literature/NeroWolfe books does this frequently, including to himself. He claims to do it because he doesn't want to lose any readers (like this one grandma in Wichita).
* Joe Haldeman's ''Literature/TheForeverWar'' has this with the protagonist's far-future squad members. "He said a word whose vowel had changed over the years, but whose meaning hadn't."
* In one book of the ''Literature/SwordOfTruth'' series, Annalina describes Zedd's reaction to one of Nathan's plans with, "Zedd has succumbed to a bout of loud cursing and arm flailing, he is swearing oaths about what he intends to do to Nathan, I am sure he will find most of his intentions physically impossible."
* Franchise/StarWarsExpandedUniverse:
** Han Solo tends to curse in every language he knows. Naturally, we never get to actually ''hear'' any of these curses, unless they happen to be {{Unusual Euphemism}}s....
** ''[[ComicBook/XWingSeries X-Wing: Solo Command]]'':
*** BigBad Warlord Zsinj calls him up to [[LargeHam mock him]] and demand his surrender, only for Han to have Chewie take the call so he can wander off to direct the rest of the fleet. Since Han is the only one present who understands Shyriwook, the novel's periodic cuts back to the ongoing call reproduce Chewie's lengthy rant indirectly. It's mentioned that Chewbacca lists up the various ingredients that make up Zsinj, none of them fit for polite company.
*** Zsinj returns the favor at the end of the book, after he, being a reasonably good sport, calls Han to congratulate him on his victory, and Han, being Han, offers to let him kiss Chewie as a consolation prize. Zsinj launches into a similarly described five-minute long rant in 60 languages, with [[PassThePopcorn Han recording the whole thing so he can watch it again later]].
** Apparently Wookiees have a thing for this - generally the writers are unwilling to write out "''Arrn whooon urr''" and such, and only a few will just translate, so just about anything they say is formatted like this trope. In ''Literature/DeathStar'', the viewpoint character, a doctor describing side effects for a treatment, doesn't understand the language and has to rely on a translator droid.
---> The next comment was one 4ME-O seemed reluctant at first to translate; when it did, Uli had to hide a smile. He hadn't been aware that members of this species were so imaginative. [...] Hahrynyar snarled an offensive remark concerning Palpatine's personal hygiene that Uli was willing to swear brought a blush to 4ME-O's durasteel skin.
** ''Star Wars'' novels seem to like the "swearing in a different language" variation, likely because in a galaxy with so many languages, it's bound to come up often. An example from ''Literature/OutboundFlight'':
---> Ar'alani muttered a word that had never come up in Car'das's language lessons.
** ''Literature/GalaxyOfFear'':
--> [[Literature/ShadowsOfTheEmpire Dash]] was right behind her, gritting his teeth and muttering something Zak had never heard before. It was either a different language or a swear word or both.
** ''[[Literature/TheCallistaTrilogy Planet of Twilight]]'' has:
-->Sitting up, the youth said a word that Threepio knew in close to a million languages but was programmed never to utter in any of them.
* Creator/CSLewis uses the word "bucking" in ''That Hideous Strength'', where a more literal reportage of the events might be a word which begins with "F".
** It showed up now and again in the ''[[Literature/TheChroniclesOfNarnia Narnia]]'' books also. From ''The Horse and His Boy'':
---> "...and here he added a great many descriptions of Queen Susan which would not look at all nice in print."
** And in ''Voyage of the Dawn Treader'':
--->"everyone skipped back (some of the sailors with [[HaveAGayOldTime ejaculations]] I will not put in writing)"
* Creator/IanFleming used the wonderful example "___" a few times. It's clear Literature/JamesBond was referring to what he likes to do with the girl of the week . . . .
** In ''Literature/{{Goldfinger}}'', the title character is trying to make Bond talk, and at one point Bond tells him to go and ____ ''himself''. Goldfinger good-humoredly replies, "Even I am not capable of that, Mr. Bond."
** In ''Literature/CasinoRoyale'' we have this a number of times, including the following:
*** "No," he said flatly, "... you."
*** "For a moment he looked out towards the quiet sea, then he cursed aloud, one harsh obscenity."
* Creator/RoaldDahl's ''Revolting Rhymes'' has these lines:
-->And uses one disgusting word\\
That luckily you've never heard.\\
(I dare not write it, even hint it.\\
Nobody would ever print it.)
** And ''Literature/CharlieAndTheGreatGlassElevator'' briefly mentions that the InvisiblePresident at one point utters a very rude word. Unfortunately, he's live on national radio, meaning that kids everywhere hear it, repeat it and [[ValuesDissonance get smacked by their parents]].
* Common in Creator/DaveBarry's columns, which had to use language suitable for family newspapers. Several of them quote remarks as having sounded like "duck shoe" or "ash sole." One titled "[[SymbolSwearing &*@##%$(!?,.<>+*&'%$!!@@$##%]][[SymbolSwearing %^&]]" has this choice paragraph:
-->I felt pretty bad, saying the S-word right into my son's ear, but he was cool. "Daddy, you shouldn't say the S-word," he said. Only he didn't say "the S-word," you understand; he actually said the S-word. But he said it in a very mature way, indicating that he got no thrill from it, and that he was merely trying to correct my behavior.
* ''Literature/AtlasShrugged'':
-->"You can tell that railroad to--" followed by untransmissible words, was the message of the Smather Brothers of Arizona in answer to the S.O.S. of New York.
* ''Literature/ATreeGrowsInBrooklyn'' has two separate examples of this:
-->Then her [Katie's] father came down in his long underdrawers and, with quiet but intense profanity, told the fellow [Johnny] what he could go and do to himself.
-->"Let her give the kids a ride around the block. It ain't no skin off your teeth." (Only he didn't say "teeth," to the snickering delight of the youngsters clustered around.)
* In the ''Literature/WingCommander'' novel ''Fleet Action'', when a Kilrathi baron demanded humanity's surrender, Admiral Tolwyn said, "Direct your inquiry to President Quinson. I'm sure he will tell you to go perform a certain impossible anatomical act." When the baron specified he wanted the fleet's surrender, Tolwyn "replied with what he assumed the President would have said."
* Used throughout ''The Devil in Vienna'' which is written as protagonist Inge's diary. She says Seyss-Inquart's name sounds like "a certain dirty word", but fails to specify, mentions her mother saying "a word she hardly ever uses" and uses the old standby, "only he didn't say...".
* In Hickman and [[MargaretWeis Weis]]' ''Rose of the Prophet'' trilogy, the djinn often 'made aspersions that his parenthood included a goat' and such.
* One of the books in the ''[[Literature/ThePigman Pigman]]'' series has the narrator explain that he will use #$%& for swears, and @#$%& for really bad swears. He then praises the usefulness of this scheme because the reader likely has a better imagination than he does.
* James White loves the second version of this trope, especially in his ''Literature/SectorGeneral'' series. Phrases like "Conway told him exactly where to go and what to do when he got there" happen at least once a chapter, making the book simultaneously incredibly vulgar and suitable for kids.
* Creator/IsaacAsimov's ''Literature/{{Foundation}}'' has the following: "a bouncing soldierly oath that ionised the air."
** Ebling Mis from ''Foundation and Empire'' frequently says "Unprintable". This is assumed to be an example of the trope, but it is kind of funny when one thinks he's actually saying unprintable. He is described as being foulmouthed though.
* Creator/DorothyLSayers in her Literature/LordPeterWimsey stories would also frequently use this, seeing how she was writing in a time when the [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar radar sweeps were much lower than today]]. For example, one of her character once says something about another character that was "more flattering to his morals than to his manliness".
** She also sometimes has Peter swear directly in the dialogue, but edits it out with hyphens.
* From ''[[Literature/{{Twilight}} Breaking Dawn]]'', Leah manages to do this in werewolf form.
-->And then, when he added those last three words, her hackles rose and she was yowling a long stream of snarls through her teeth. I didn't have to be in her head to hear the cussing-out she was giving him, and neither did he. You could almost hear the exact words she was using.
** There's also one with Alice:
-->Alice said a word that sounded very odd in her trilling, ladylike voice.
** Also, in ''Midnight Sun'' Edward says a word he'd "never said before in the presence of a lady", prompting Creator/CleolindaJones to speculate:
--->Given the "curse words" in the other four books, I'm going to assume the word is "dang."
*** [[http://www.questionablecontent.net/random/1488dang.png Daaaaang.]]
* Subverted in ''The Land of the Silver Apples'' when the heroes are running in a rapidly flooding cave, two of the female characters are described as letting out a stream of curses and the little girl asks, "What does filthy #$@!!' mean?"
** Extra humor comes from the fact that a priest was among the heroes.
* Done a few times in ''[[Literature/TheBartimaeusTrilogy The Amulet of Samarkand]]'' usually for a Babylonian swear word. But one instance takes the cake when both language and violence make a censor when an imp is about to say something very inappropriate we get a line of asterisk and the footnote.
--> These polite asterisks replace a short censored episode characterized by bad language and some sadly necessary violence. When we pick up the story again, everything is as before except I am perspiring slightly and the contrite imp is the model of cooperation.
* In the ''Literature/BabySittersClub'' Super Special "Snowbound", Dawn's mother hits a mailbox while trying to drive in the snow. She says, in Dawn's words, "a word I have never heard her use before. In fact, I've heard it only in movies that Mom doesn't know I've seen."
* In the fourth book of ''Literature/TheIndianInTheCupboard'' series, while climbing up into the barn's hayloft to reach Kitsa and her kittens, Patrick falls through the weak boards and lands on top of his friend, breaking his ankle in the process. When he does, the friend cries out "Oh shoot!" Omri then notes, via the narrative, "except he didn't say 'shoot'."
* The ''Literature/QueensThief'' books do contain some swearing, but the harsher words are taken out with this trope. A preview of the upcoming book ''A Conspiracy of Kings'' contains one example that actually does a good bit of characterizing the narrator, Sophos:
-->I screamed at them every curse I ever practiced when I was alone, trying to imitate the Thief of Eddis, but I doubt I sounded anything but hysterical.
* Gerald Morris does this in his series ''Literature/TheSquiresTales''. For instance, in ''The Squire's Quest,'' he writes, "Kai... uttered a series of short, very blunt words. Terence sympathized with him. He didn't use those particular words himself, but had to admit that sometimes they felt right."
** And another rather amusing example in the same book, when Acoriondes is translating Alexander's conversation with his uncle. The running commentary goes something like "Alexander is saying many very vulgar words... even more... I don't think that one is even possible..."
** From ''The Lioness and Her Knight'':
--->"I'm [[SarcasmMode shocked, utterly shocked]]," Rhience said. "Aghast, no less. I would never have imagined that a gently born young lady like you would have even known such words, let alone utter them! And all strung together like that, too!"
* From the Literature/SherlockHolmes short story "The Solitary Cyclist": 'He had a fine flow of language and his adjectives were very vigorous'.
* ''Literature/PercyJacksonAndTheOlympians'' does this quite a lot. Mostly in Ancient Greek. (Most of the swears used, however, were considered pretty bad during the time they were used.)
** Example with a modern day "bad word", Hera refers to Percy as "one of Poseidon's...children." Percy knows she's thinking of a much different word.
* When S.J. teased Mary-Em about her character's magic-induced pregnancy in ''[[Literature/DreamPark The California Voodoo Game]]'', her reply did have something to do with motherhood, but could hardly have been considered complimentary to S.J. (Or to S.J.'s mother, one presumes.)
* Vlad Taltos from ''Literature/{{Dragaera}}'', UnreliableNarrator extraordinaire and TropeNamer for FirstPersonSmartass, occasionally falls into this. Given [[SophisticatedAsHell his vocabulary the rest of the time]], it tends to be for ExpospeakGag-style humor, such as when he says in ''Iorich'' (after Norathar tries to get rid of him with some BlatantLies) that he gave her "a brief dissertation on fertilizer." That's Vlad-speak for, "Bullshit."
* A Brazilian comedy book had a chapter being interrupted to inform that "we upset some MoralGuardians, so we're replacing cuss words with the word '[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heart_of_palm Palmito]]'". The word is used until near the chapter's end, when the authors inform the palm cultivators got upset.
* Mary Rodgers's ''A Billion for Boris'' (sequel to ''Literature/FreakyFriday'') has a "Brooklyn-born Chinese Puerto Rican" character resorting to this:
--> "#%* °@+ !" he said darkly in inscrutable Mandarin.
** Brooklyn-born Chinese Puerto Rican? Sounds like [[Film/TheUsualSuspects Finster]].
* ''[[Literature/InheritanceCycle Eragon]]'' uses this ''a lot''.
* Outdoor humorist Creator/PatrickMcManus describes an instance when he and his fishing companion Retch Sweeney decide to go skinny-dipping in a mountain stream that proves to be ice-cold. They emerge from the water just as a small group of mushroom enthusiasts come walking past, and [=McManus=] expresses his relief that "a particularly bad twelve-letter word had frozen on Retch's lower lip and didn't thaw out until we were in the car driving home."
* ''[[Literature/{{Redwall}} Lord Brocktree]]'' features a searat using "very colourful language" when he breaks a key off in a lock. It's also mentioned a few times that characters are singing a BawdySong, but we never even get a hint of the actual lyrics (except for "Slaughter of the Crew of the Rusty Chain", which isn't so much too crude as too [[{{Gorn}} violent]] - at least the verses we see). The notoriously foul-mouthed squirrel Grood usually mumbles his curses too quietly for anyone except Jukka to hear, and when we finally see what he's actually saying, it's all in UnusualEuphemism: "Gorokkah! How'd that splitten flitten gurgletwip get up so high?"
* [[Literature/MaximumRide "Holy (Insert swear word of your choice here)"]]
* Creator/HBeamPiper, in the short story "When in the Course", had a character "curse Styphon's house for ten minutes without repeating a single malediction". In other books, he included phrases "I'll fix the expurgated unprintability!" and "He used a word you won't find in the dictionary but which nobody needs to look up."
** Another example, from Piper's story "A Slave Is a Slave": "Shatrak's face turned pink; the pink darkened to red. He used a word; it was a completely unprintable word. So, except for a few scattered pronouns, conjunctions and prepositions, were the next fifty words he used."
** His novel ''Four-Day Planet'' includes the following lines, as recounted by the novel's first-person narrator, a young journalist [[note]]"etaoin shrdlu" is a reasonable approximation of the dozen most commonly used letters in the English language in the order of their appearance[[/note]]:
*** "That's a double two-em-dashed lie, you etaoin shrdlu so-and-so!" somebody yelled. "Who are you calling a so-and-so, you thus-and-so-ing such-and-such?" somebody else yelled back, and a couple more chairs got smashed and a swirl of fighting started.
** ''Police Operation'' has the 'he cursed' variation, as a very nasty animal attacks.
** ''Time Crime'' has this: "Tortha Karf[[note]]Paratime Police Chief[[/note]] began, alphabetically, to blaspheme every god he had ever heard of." This is a universe with a ''lot'' of alternate timelines.
* ''Literature/WutheringHeights'' averts this trope, which was so unusual at the time that an introduction written by Charlotte Bronte specifically praises Emily Bronte for not giving in to the common convention.
* Creator/DashiellHammett:
** The [[Literature/TheContinentalOp Continental Op]] short story "The Girl with the Silver Eyes" uses this trope (as do some of his other stories).
--> She put her mouth close to my ear so that her breath was warm again on my cheek, as it had been in the car, and whispered the vilest epithet of which the English language is capable.
** ''Literature/TheMalteseFalcon'':
--> "The boy spoke two words, the first a short guttural verb, the second 'you.'"
* Oddly, Jeremy Clarkson of all people occasionally indulges in this. One car review involved a reference to "an expression that rhymes with bucket."
* In "The Ghost in the Third Row" by Creator/BruceCoville, Nine and Chris are trapped in a very small, very dark room, and don't know what to do. Chris points out that "being picky won't get them anywhere." Nine tells the reader that "actually, that was the meaning of what she said. Her actual words would probably burn the page."
* In ''Literature/OverSeaUnderStone'', the first book of ''Literature/TheDarkIsRising'', the three Drew children encounter [[MostDefinitelyNotAVillain Bill Hoover]] down at the harbor, with Jane almost getting run over by him on his bicycle. After exchanging some heated words, he rides away:
-->"--off, the lot of 'ee," he snapped; they had never heard the word he used, but the tone was unmistakable, and Simon went hot with resentment and clenched his fists to lunge forward.
* In ''[[Literature/LegacyOfTheAldenata Gust Front]]'', Captain April Weston, commanding the frigate ''Agincourt'', is said to curse two minutes straight without repeating herself, in response to an official e-mail.
* Though the first ''Literature/FloraSegunda'' book didn't use this trope much, if at all, the second features it practically every other page. Although since Califan swearing seems to consist of things like "fike" and "scit", and Flora's willing to record those as-is, one wonders what exactly is being censored.
* Creator/PGWodehouse often used this.
* Creator/MercedesLackey usually uses the "he/she swore" method. There is a more elaborate example late in ''[[Literature/HeraldsOfValdemar The Silver Gryphon]]'', when:
-->In a calm, clear voice, (Blade) suggested that the ''wyrsa'' in question could do several highly improbable, athletically difficult, and possibly biologically impractical things involving its own mother, a few household implements, and a dead fish.
* In Roald Dahl's ''Literature/FantasticMrFox'', after the titular character has again outwitted the farmers after his hide, one farmer is described as exclaiming in language that "could not be typed."
* Quite common in the ''Literature/LittleHouseOnThePrairie'' books by Creator/LauraIngallsWilder. Chacters are just said to have sworn, and nothing else. There are some instances where it appears that a character has sworn, but it's not clear to the modern audience if the word used was truly offensive or the character himself was just using a substitute for an actual curse.
** There is one instance where Laura overhears a confrontation between migrant railroad workers. The dialogue in the book is clean, but Laura notes in the narration with some shock (and, this being Laura, also some guilty fascination) that the railwaymen were using "rough language. She was hearing rough language."
** She also quotes Pa a few times as saying "blanked" in phrases where the most logical assumption is that he actually said "damned", but there is no disclaimer explaining that Pa actually used a different word. She simply quotes him as if "blanked" was actually the word he used. Can be confusing for some young children who don't realize that "blanked" ''wasn't'' what he actually said and aren't sure what it means to blank something.
* ''Literature/MortalInstruments'' uses this. Examples include, in the first book, ''City of Bone'', Alec said something that sounded like 'ducking glass mole' and in the second, ''City of Ashes'', has Jace suggested that the whole cast of Gilligan's Island could do something anatomically possible to themselves. These would be quotes if this Troper had the books for reference.
* A rather interesting version of this appears in ''Literature/AllQuietOnTheWesternFront'', where one of the main characters is, on a few occasions, described to be "using the most famous quote from ''Theatre/GotzVonBerlichingen''. For those of you not acquainted with the more obscure works of Creator/JohannWolfgangVonGoethe, the quote referenced is "But he, tell him, can lick me [[strike: on]] in my ass". In German, that has the same connotations as 'Go fuck yourself.' More usually one says "lick me on my ass".
** This phrase, "leck mich im Arsch" (and variants) is famously the name of two canons by Music/WolfgangAmadeusMozart. The correct translation ("Lick me in the ass," "Lick me in the arse," "Kiss my ass/arse," and "Go fuck yourself") is SeriousBusiness on TheOtherWiki's page on the pieces in question.
* In ''[[Literature/SmokeAndShadows Smoke and Mirrors]]'' by Tanya Huff, the headsets are staticky. Most of the fuzzy words are recognisable swears. There are also some other forms used, including the POV character being unable to translate a co-worker's speech properly because he didn't know many French swearwords.
* In "Mirror, ɿoɿɿiM, Off the Wall", one of SpiderRobinson's [[Literature/CallahansCrosstimeSaloon Callahan's]] stories, Fast Eddie is at a loss for words trying to describe the taste of "Wonderbooze":
-->"Dat incestuous child is de best oral-genital-contacting booze I ever drank," Eddie said approximately.
* In Michael Grant's ''Literature/{{Gone}}'' series, this happens quite a lot. (He's gotten praise for it, too.) Once, Drake Merwin (resident AxCrazy psycho) calls Diana (SmugSnake, SnarkKnight, etc) a witch. Only the book says that wasn't the word he used. Also, in the fourth book Plague, when Sam and Astrid the Genius are [[spoiler:having some relationship problems]] it says that Astrid told him he could go make out with someone else, only she used a phrase Sam was really surprised to hear coming from good Christian girl Astrid's lips.
** This isn't entirely surprising, given that he cowrote ''Literature/{{Animorphs}}'' with K.A. Applegate.
** Subverted in that curses actually are spelled out in the series, just rarely, such as when Diana refers to ''herself'' as bitch. Possibly the most direct subversion was in ''Fear'', the fifth book, when Penny said a phrase to Caine that wasn't very nice, and "ended in "you"". This is immediately followed up by Caine's correcting her; she should have said, "Fuck you, ''your highness''". Dashed out, but still.
* ''Literature/TheOutsiders'' has this at work in the whole book. It's usually in the second way, although there's one line that actually ''blanks out a character's cussing''.
* Used frequently in Literature/TheSagaOfDarrenShan the word bull is used to replace bullshit and when characters swear it usually says he cursed or he swore.
* Rafał Kosik did this a few times in his ''Felix, Net & Nika'' YoungAdults books. Very few characters use profanities, but when they are, those are [[ClusterFBomb Cluster F Bombs]]. Only all profanities are replaced wit "''beeeep''".
* Happens a couple of times in ''Literature/TheHungerGames'' and its sequel, as Katniss describes her fellow tributes Cato and Johanna "swearing like a fiend" and "scream[ing] a lot of really insulting things at me." Katniss later gets in on the action herself in the second and third books by screaming "terrible things" at people, usually Haymitch.
* In ''Literature/SuchIsLife'' and ''Rigby’s Romance'', both published before 1910, “Tom Collins” (Joseph Furphy) is reporting the speech of rural workers, mostly bullock drivers. He regularly replaces “bloody” by “(adj.)” and “hell” by “(sheol)”, which is a Hebrew word for hell. In chapter 15 of Rigby’s Romance the character Dixon says “hell” so often that it is replaced by synonyms from other languages / mythologies (such as Hades, Tartarus, Acheron, Abyss, Phlegethon, Niffelheim) and occasionally by other words: as when a character is reported as asking “who the (adj. Townsville) do you think you’re talkin’ to?”. which would not please residents of that North Queensland city.
* ''Literature/DeltoraQuest'' features the line 'Barda cursed under his breath', usually in response to the book's villain, a lot.
* Both types are used in ''Literature/TheSaint'' books, with people 'cursing or 'blaspheming' and the occasional phrase along the lines of 'gentlemen was not the phrase he used'.
** In one story a story a police detective starts to say "The city commissioners can go and..." before the narration says that he did not say jump in the lake, climb a tree or any of the standard options and that it was highly unlikely that the city commissioners could do the action he suggested.
* Subverted in ''Literature/TheWitchDoctor'', when a holy knight in training gets entangled in some underbrush:
-->He kept crashing around, coming up with an amazing variety of expletives that had absolutely no need to be deleted
* Used by Cody in ''Literature/VampireHigh''
--> He told me to go do something that I'm pretty sure was physically impossible.
* Creator/HarryTurtledove isn't shy about writing out profanity, but this pops up from time to time. There's even some subtle LeaningOnTheFourthWall when it happens, as the offending language is described as "unprintable".
** One of the more memorable occasions is in his [[Literature/{{Timeline191}} TL-191]] series, when Jefferson Pinkard gets orders from Ferdinand Koenig:
-->"What Pinkard said when he saw that had an f and a k in it, too, with a couple of other letters in between. He said several other things right afterwards, most of them even hotter than what he’d started with."
* Literature/AlfredLordTennyson's "Lady Clara Vere de Vere":
-->She had the passion of her kind, \\
She spake some certain truths of you. \\
Indeed I heard one bitter word \\
That scarce is fit for you to hear.
* In ''Literature/{{Cycle of Hatred}}'', a Warcraft novel, an orc uses the foreign language variant when arguing with a human. It's actually mildly plot-relevant. The human doesn't speak Orcish, so he doesn't realize how bad the insult is, or how likely the orc will attack him.
* In ''Massacre in Marienburg'', a Warhammer novel, the protagonist, a city watch captain, receives orders he doesn't like from a rival captain he doesn't like either. He loudly questions the rival's parentage and makes suggestions on how he can procreate without a partner. He still follows the order.
* In the ''Franchise/{{Bionicle}}'' book ''Challenge of the Hordika'', Sidorak curses in an ancient language that was "old when Metru Nui was new". In ''Legacy of Evil'', Reidak lets out "string of curses that could have seared the scales off a stone serpent", after one of his teammates flipped him over like a coin, into the sea. in ''Time Trap'', Vakama mutters something that "would have gotten him tossed out of a Ga-Metru school". And wise old Turaga Nuju is known to have at times used his special bird language for such purposes, which his aide was always hesitant to translate, although the others around him could still guess what he was saying.
* In the [[Literature/VattasWar Vattan Saga]], at one point a character is quoted to have told someone else to do something "Kylara was sure was anatomically impossible".
* At least one time in ''Literature/TreasureIsland'', the narrator Hawkins says that he won't repeat a curse that a pirate makes.
* ''Literature/TheDresdenFiles'':
** Normally the series isn't afraid to use harsher curse words when appropriate. But they do this in one book where after hearing bad news the narration says "Hendricks said a bad word." "Sideways", Harry responds.
** [[DemBones Bob the Skull's]] introduction in ''Storm Front'' has bit where Bob grumbles [[ForeignCussWord something in Old French]], "though I got lost when he got to the anatomical improbabilities of bullfrogs."
* A variant is used in ''Literature/HiddenTalents''. The narrator mistakes the sound of swearing for chickens clucking at first, then realizes that a single swearword is being said over and over, implying a ClusterFBomb.
* ''Literature/TheBigSleep'' has this as RunningGag. After a young suspect gets caught, his only words from then on are shown as "Go ---- yourself." Marlowe will occasionally narrate that the kid said "his three favorite words" and refers to him as "he of the limited vocabulary." When Marlowe asks a cop if the kid said anything while he was away, the cop whips, "He made a suggestion. I'm letting it ride."
* Kimball Kinnison in ''[[Literature/{{Lensman}} Gray Lensman]]'':
-->"Did I ever ask you for a drink, you (unprintable here, even in a modern and realistic novel, for the space of two long breaths)... !"
* In ''[[Literature/{{Tarzan}} The Return of Tarzan]]'', Creator/EdgarRiceBurroughs has one of his villains call Tarzan "Name of a name!"
** This could be a reference to the old-fashioned French expletive, ''nom d'un nom'', or literally ''"the name of the name"'', a circumlocution for the blasphemous ''nom de Dieu''.
* Parodied in ''[[Literature/TheLaundrySeries The Jennifer Morgue]]'' by Creator/CharlesStross. As protagonist Bob Howard narrates:
--> "I start swearing. Not my usual [[ClusterFBomb 'shit-fuck-piss-cunt-bugger']] litany, but ''really'' rude words."
* ''Literature/CiaphasCain: The Traitor's Hand'' has a scene where a strike team from the 597th attacks a Slaaneshi-run brothel and are, for lack of a better term, inspecting the artwork. The porn is mostly left undescribed, other than one of the troopers wondering aloud if a scene depicted is even anatomically possible. Cain says it isn't and that even if it was, it would be against regulations.
* From the first novel of the ''Literature/HonorHarrington'' series, ''On Basilisk Station'', when [[SleazyPolitician Countess New Kiev]] tries to tell [[BadassBureaucrat Dame Estelle Matsuko]] to stop enforcing local trade laws:
-->Dame Estelle's [[ClusterFBomb sulfurous description]] of her interview with Countess New Kiev's courier had been [interesting]. Honor had never imagined the genteel, composed Resident Commissioner could be [[RageBreakingPoint so elementally enraged]]. Dame Estelle had looked ready to bite pieces out of the furniture.
* In force through all of the ''Literature/HoratioHornblower'' books, which are [[WoodenShipsAndIronMen about sailors]]. They're usually denoted as cursing, or sometimes "forceful expressions". In ''Hornblower and the Atropos'', an impressed ferryman expresses his admiration by swearing several "oaths". In ''The Happy Return'', Hornblower is put in a situation where none of the fifty-five(!) oaths he has prepared are adequate to the occasion. (One of the only aversions to the trope comes in the latter book, when the ''Lydia'' is described as being a [[PrecisionFStrike perfect bitch]] under tow.)
* ''Literature/ChaosWalking'': Todd does this ''a lot''. Most notably, whenever he wants to narrate that someone said "fuck", he replaces it with "eff - except they didn't say 'eff'".
* ''OddThomas'' usually describes profanity rather than transcribing it, often in an amusingly formalized fashion:
-->''"He invited me to have sexual relations with myself."''
* ''Literature/LordOfTheFlies'': Simon asks the question, "What is the dirtiest thing there is?". The narration follows, "As an answer Jack dropped into the uncomprehending silence that followed it the one crude expressive syllable."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Live Action Television]]
* Often used on ''Series/HowIMetYourMother'', most notably in ''How Lily Stole Christmas", in which "Grinch" is used to substitute for [[CountryMatters a much stronger word]].
** Although there is one point where she takes all the Christmas decorations, leading Ted to say "What a Grinch!", which the voiceover informing the kids that "That time, [he] actually ''did'' say Grinch."
** Extended to calling a joint a sandwich and going as far as to making the characters eat a (very large) sandwich and giggling like stoners, and carrying around smaller sandwiches in rolled-up plastic baggies.
** And, in a later episode, they made... sandwich brownies.
** Another episode begins with Ted describing how he and Robin had some new neighbours upstairs, who liked to "play the bagpipes" frequently, and loudly. The scene ends with Ted finally shouting "shut the bagpipes up!" at the ceiling.
** Another visual one: the thumbs-up sign was used as a substitute for the middle finger in one episode.
** In "The Wedding Bride":
--> '''Barney:''' Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!
--> '''Future Ted:''' He didn't say "kiss".
--> (a little bit later) '''Barney:''' Who the kiss are you?
** In the episode "The Murtaugh List"
--->'''[[Film/LethalWeapon Danny Glover]]:''' I'm too old for this--
--->'''Future Ted:''' Stuff! He said, "I'm too old for this stuff."
** When Ted's mom remarries and her husband presents Ted with a painting of himself and Ted's mother, both naked with a strategically placed guitar.
--->'''Future Ted''': Kids, there was no guitar.
** "But I didn't say [[ShoutOut fudge]]."
* ''Series/JustShootMe'', "How the Finch Stole Christmas" (sensing a pattern?): The narrator explains that Finch "expressed his displeasure with color and flair, using words that our censors will not let us share."
* On ''Series/TheBigBangTheory'', Raj whispers something to Howard, which he translates as Raj comparing Sheldon to "a hygiene product used by women who are not feeling fresh as a summer's eve." Penny adds, "and the bag it came in."
** From a later episode: "Yeah, she's pushy, and yeah, he's whipped, but that's not the expression."
** From ''The Robotic Manipulation'':
--->'''Penny:''' Leonard said "cockamamie"?
--->'''Sheldon:''' Actually, I'm paraphrasing. Having been raised in a Christian household, I'm uncomfortable with the language he used. And to be honest, I'm not entirely comfortable with "cockamamie".
* In ''Series/TheXFiles'' episode "Jose Chung's From Outer Space," Scully describes what she saw, and we see it, with Detective Manners saying "bleeping" over his profanity. Then we cut back to Scully talking with Chung, and she explains that "he didn't actually say 'bleeping.'" Chung replies that yes, he's familiar with the detective's speech style... Most of his curses are little gems: "Like blankety-blanking BLEEP I will!", and Scully's reported speeches as well: "Mulder, he says they found your bleeping UFO."
* In one ''Series/{{Friends}}'', Joey gets Phoebe a job as an extra on ''Series/DaysOfOurLives'', where she annoys the director with her incompetence. Relaying the director's frustration, Joey tells Phoebe:
-->'''Joey:''' He can be a little rough around the edges, so I'm gonna replace a word he used a lot, with the word "puppy." Okay, so he said: "If your puppy friend doesn't get her puppy act together, I’m gonna fire her mother-puppy ass.
* In an episode of ''The Creator/GeorgeBurns And GracieAllen Show'', Gracie keeps asking George how long until their train arrives in Los Angeles:
-->'''George:''' Gracie, you've asked that question fifty times since we left San Francisco last night.
-->'''Gracie:''' Well, I have to keep asking, [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} 'cause you keep giving me different answers.]] ... And you get so mad! When I woke you up at three-thirty this morning, you said--
-->'''George:''' I know what I said. ({{Beat}}) And I apologize.
* In ''Series/TheVicarOfDibley'', Hugo and Geraldine discuss Hugo's father's reaction to the news that he is dating Alice:
-->'''Hugo:''' Well, I can't actually tell you what he said, because... because you're the vicar. But, well, let's say a certain word is represented by another word that sounds like a little like that word, like, um, like "duck," for instance.''({{beat}})'' He asked me what the duck I was playing at, said he didn't give a flying duck if I ducking loved Alice ducking Tinker, and if I ducking kissed her again, he'd make sure I was well and truly ducked.\\
'''Geraldine:''' Well, duck me!
* ''Series/{{Grimm}}'': Wu to Nick at murder scene quoting an employee of the deceased: "He said, and I quote, 'I'm surprised somebody didn't stick a tire iron in him before this'. Actually, that was a paraphrase. I left out the bad language because I couldn't write that fast."
* ''Series/{{Blackadder}}'''s memorable line "I believe the phrase rhymes with "clucking bell". Notably, this is his eminently understated response to finally receiving orders to lead his troops over the top.
* ''Series/HaveIGotNewsForYou'' had great fun mocking a BBC News broadcast which quoted a politician's scandalous remarks to a policeman as "Best you learn your [swearword] place. You don't run this [swearword] government. You're [swearword] plebs." Quoth Claire Balding: "What a bunch of [swearword] fuckwits."
* In the penultimate episode of Season 2 of ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'', Buffy is on the phone with Willow, and they're talking about the argument they had with Xander.
-->'''Buffy:''' Yeah, Xander was pretty much being a...Willow! Where did you learn that word? My God. You kiss your mother with that mouth?
** Season 9 has Spike tell some of his minions to go do something [[AnatomicallyImpossibleSex "anatomically]] [[ScrewYourself impossible."]]
* ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'': Captain Picard of all people, describing his youthful encounter with Naussicans:
--> I stood toe-to-toe with the worst of the three and I told him what I thought of him, his pals, his planet and I possibly made some passing reference to his questionable parentage.
* During the ''Series/{{MASH}} episode "Carry On, Hawkeye", Hawkeye has Radar call around asking for supplies and extra surgeons when most of the camp gets sick with the flu. Radar is on the phone with one officer, and is stopped cold by what the officer says to him; when Hawkeye asks him what it was, Radar says the officer told him to do something, but it was physically impossible. Hawkeye then grabs the phone and asks for supplies; he then listens for a minute, hangs up, and tells Radar, "You're right, Radar; he has no understanding of human anatomy." [[DontExplainTheJoke Presumably, the officer told both Radar and Hawkeye to go fuck themselves]].
* One episode of ''Series/BabylonFive'' featured [[{{Telepathy}} Bester]] and [[DaChief Garibaldi]] both in C&C at the same time. Bester enters, then picks up on a mental thread related to Garibaldi's conversation with Sinclair. As he's about to leave, Bester stops, turns around to face Garibaldi (he'd been facing Sinclair up until that point), and says "Anatomically impossible, Mr. Garibaldi, but [[BringIt you're welcome to try]]."
* Played for laughs in the ''Series/StargateSG1'' episode "Fail Safe" when Jack is explaining to General Hammond how a negotiation with [[TheGreys the Asgard]] went south.
--> '''Jack:''' And after that, I kinda lost my temper.\\
'''Hammond:''' What exactly does that mean?\\
'''Daniel:''' Let's just say Jack made a reference to [[YourMom Freyr's mother]].
* InUniverse on one episode of NewsRadio, Bill goes on a short-lived crusade against the profanity in rap music.
-->'''Bill:''' These are actual rap lyrics: "Life ain't nothin' but gritches and money", only they don't use 'gritches'. [[DontExplainTheJoke They use a word that rhymes with 'gritches' that starts with a B.]]
-->'''Matthew:''' [[CloudCuckooLander Britches?]]

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Music]]
* Subverted in MeWithoutYou's "The Fox, the Crow, and the Cookie". The third verse begins:
--> Using most unfriendly words / that the village children had not yet heard / the baker shouted threats by canzonette / to curse the crafty bird.
** However, the "most unfriendly words" turn out to be fairly innocuous:
---> You rotten wooden mixing spoon! / Why you midnight winged raccoon! / You better bring those pastries back / you no-good burnt black macaroon!
* Rodney Atkins' "Watching You":
--> My four-year-old said a four-letter word\\
It started with "s", and I was concerned
** Similar to an earlier country music classic, "Kids Say the Darndest Things," by Tammy Wynette:
--> My first-grader just said a four-letter word\\
And it sure wasn't "love."
* "Keep the Customer Satisfied", by SimonAndGarfunkel:
--> I get slandered, I get libeled\\
I hear words I never heard in the Bible
* Music/EricBogle's "Do You Know Any Dylan?" has him react to the titular question
-->And I usually reply
-->In my own quiet way
-->With a totally indecent suggestion
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Radio]]
* Barry Cryer has appeared on ''Radio/JustAMinute'' quite frequently, and often claims people refer to him as "that noun off the television".
* ''Radio/WaitWaitDontTellMe'': A "Not My Job" segment asking skier Mikaela Shiffrin about the Gloucestershire cheese race mentioned how the local authorities once tried to stop the race by telling the 86-year-old woman who makes the cheese every year that she'd be liable for any injuries sustained.
-->'''Peter Sagal:''' Her answer cannot be repeated on [[Creator/{{NPR}} public radio]]. ''(audience laughter)'' Although I'm sure it was said in a lovely ''Series/DowntonAbbey'' accent. ''(more laughter)''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Stand-Up Comedy]]
* In ''Himself'', Creator/BillCosby relates the tale of his eldest daughter's birth. He describes his wife's response to a contraction as "She informed everyone in the room that my parents were never married."
* A Büttenredner in Cologne carnival was asked to describe the reaction of his parents after an unfortunate event. He asked: "With or without the curses?" After the other person said he should tell it without them, the reply it short: "In that case, they said nothing!"
* Creator/WoodyAllen is frequently quoted as saying, "I told him to be fruitful and multiply, but not in those words."
* On his album ''Werewolves and Lollipops'', PattonOswalt, known for having a particularly blue [[SevenDirtyWords act]], talks about how ComedyCentral never tells him, "Don't do that bit ''at all''!" but instead asks him if there's a G-rated word he could come up with for something, then proceeds to demonstrate how G-rated filth is ''way'' more disturbing than regular filth: "I'm gonna fill your hoo-ha with goof juice!"
* One standup routine by Dennis Wolfberg describes the argument that ensues with the other driver with whom he was involved in a car crash in terms like, "He called me not so much a person as an orifice" and "I implied that he was the offspring of a female dog" and, "He advised that I engage in an activity which, had I complied, would have resulted in my becoming pregnant."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Video Games]]
* ''VideoGame/{{Exile}}''/''VideoGame/{{Avernum}} III'' has a few sailors who constantly pepper their speech with gibberish-as-narrator-replaced-profanity.
* The KingdomOfLoathing Item-of-the-Month "My Own Pen Pal kit" finds you an (NPC) penpal, who sends you a rather MadLibs-like letter with an item attached to it each day. One of the sentences that might be generated is about a teacher who told him that if you ignore a bully, he'll leave you alone, and that his dad says it's "a crock of bullcrap (except he didn't say bullcrap, he said a bad word)".
* In the second AdvanceWars game for the Game Boy Advance, a Green Earth soldier reports to Eagle that Sami has refused to surrender to Adder. Eagle orders the soldier to repeat Sami's response to him. The soldier replies that the response was very vulgar, but Eagle insists. In the end, the soldier writes down the response (invisible to the player) and Eagle laughs when he reads it.
* ''VideoGame/FallenLondon'' provides this excellent example, as a riposte to a woman making insinuations in regards to your heritage and relationships with certain kinds of farm animal:
-->"You spit foul recriminations and vicious calumny. Ladies faint dead away and gentlemen stagger under the barrage. Your target runs, weeping, with her hands over her ears. You follow her! Your tirade continues in the street, where hansoms careen hastily off and urchins fall from rooftops. You pick up your victim's dropped letters and wave them as a final salute. You are spent."
** The failure message for that storylet is pretty excellent as well:
-->"Three ladies faint. So do three gentleman and a passing waiter. Two cats fall off the roof and and an elderly horse outside keels over. You are denounced in two newspapers and a sermon. What words! You have definitely gone too far this time."
** And in another storylet:
--> "The argument goes on for a good hour. It explores the pedigree, the reputation and the anatomical idiosyncracies of both participants in some detail. It’s not exactly soothing, but it is entertaining."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Original]]
* {{WebVideo/Britanick}}: Played with in the episode "Fudge", where it starts with "fudge"/That's not what I really said, and advances to NarrativeProfanityFilters for "Chickenfaggot", anti-semitic thoughts, and covering Nick with mustard.
* In the WhateleyUniverse, Fey (an ancient Sidhe) and Carmilla (descendant of [[CosmicHorror Great Old Ones]]) have cursed in languages which have been dead for millennia.
* ''ProtectorsOfThePlotContinuum'' seems to like this trope a lot. They will also happily use profanity from any 'verse other than our own.
* An ancient bit of hacker-lore quite predating the web is the poem "The Song of Hakawatha" (a pastiche of H.W. Longfellows "Song of ''Hiawatha''", one stanza of which reads
-->This occasioned some frustration
-->Caused the noble Hakawatha
-->To commit profane expletives
-->Caused him to cry out "Debug her"
-->(Or, I ''think'' that's what he shouted).
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Webcomics]]
* ''{{Newshounds}}'' uses an interesting version of this trope: swearwords are "censored" by being blacked out with scribbling.
* ''Webcomic/TheAdventuresOfDrMcNinja'' covers profanities with black boxes reading things like "POTTY MOUTH", "OH MY", "FAMILY FRIENDLY COMIC", "FILTH", "FLARN"...and on one occasion a pirate shouting "HE SAID A BAD WORD!"
* ''ErfWorld'' has one that's actually plot-relevant ([[EpilepticTrees maybe]]). Parson is the only character who ever tries to swear, but in his dialogue it's always replaced with "boop." [[PrecisionFStrike It's also subverted at the very end of the first book]]:
--> '''Parson:''' Game over? Yes. Dream over? ...No. Boop. Y'know... every time I swear, you remind me. You ''are'' controlling me. I mean ''you''. "Erfworld." So who did ''[[TotalPartyKill this]]'', huh? You? Or me? What d'you have against obscenity, anyway? You're fine with ''[[EverybodysDeadDave this]]'' obscenity. You ''brought'' me here to do this. I'm the real tool. Well... I won't be a gamepiece. [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome You hear me? I'm a player!]] '''FUCK YOU!'''
* In ''Webcomic/ProphecyOfTheCircle'', it gets used in-universe at one point. When Shanka relates how he confronted his mother about cheating on his father, he only says "I called her what she is" (with a flashback panel showing the woman's clearly shocked expression).
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Other]]
* The sketch at about 4 minutes into [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJqgtfvZdsk this video]] puts a twist on this trope, by merely changing the target of the racist slurs uttered.
* The Russian language has a delightful array of profanity built right into the language with ways to turn many ordinary words into swears. Many classic Russian jokes involve gleefully stretching it to its (grammatically correct!) limits. So the subversion is when a sailor stubs his toe, the narrator explicitly quotes the most creative and poetic ClusterFBomb he can improvise, and ends it with the rather late profanity filter "and then swore profusely."
** Also, there is a joke about two soldiers hired to fix wiring in kindergarten. After that all kids started swearing horribly. Soldier described to his commander "And I said: Comrade, can't you see that molten lead is dripping on me?"
* [[http://community.livejournal.com/all_he_ever/11918.html Wow, Poland did not know you could do that with a goat and a flagpole.]]
* ''[[WesternAnimation/AdventuresOfTheGalaxyRangers Galaxy Rangers]]'' fanfic will usually use the [[ObligatorySwearing good, old-fashioned English]] (or [[GermansLoveDavidHasselhoff German]]) swearing...unless Niko's delivering a PrecisionFStrike. It'll usually be something "no one could translate."
* ''[[http://www.sir-toby.com/extend-a-story/story-1/code/read.php?episode=92373 The Never Ending Quest]]'':
--> "What the heck?" Astra exclaimed most unroyally. "Pardon my French." Actually she didn't say heck, and it wasn't exactly French either.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Real Life]]
* One of Creator/DorothyParker's more oft-repeated quotes comes from a Halloween party she attended. Told that other guests were "ducking for apples", Parker replied: "There, but for a typographical error, is the story of my life."
* A [[http://men.style.com/gq/features/full?id=content_10957&pageNum=1 GQ article]] written by one of GeorgeWBush's former speechwriters uses this trope.
--> He always believed Hillary Clinton would be the Democratic nominee. "Wait till her fat keister is sitting at this desk," he once said (except he didn't say "keister").
* On web forums and other places with rules regarding what sort of language can be used, phrases like "Forum rules prohibit me from expressing my opinion of this" tend to show up.
* William Manchester's ''The Death of a President'' was a best-selling (but since out-of-print) history of the JFK assassination, starting shortly before the departure to Dallas and ending with the funeral. One chapter describes the tense standoff in Parkland Hospital. The Dallas medical examiner, citing local jurisdiction over a criminal investigation, attempted to stop the Secret Service from transporting Kennedy's body to the airport and thence to Washington. Manchester recounts Kennedy aide Ken O'Donnell asking M.E. Earl Rose for an exception and being rudely denied. Manchester then describes O'Donnell spitting out "a swart oath recommending monogenesis" followed by "We're leaving." The actual quote from O'Donnell to Rose was "Go fuck yourself. We're leaving."
* During Creator/ClintEastwood's "invisible Obama" performance at the 2012 Republican National Convention, Eastwood asked the nonexistent President, "What do you want me to tell Romney?" After pretending listen for a moment, Eastwood said, "I can't tell him to do that! He can't do that to himself," [[DontExplaintheJoke implying that the phantom Obama had told Romney to go fuck himself.]]
[[/folder]]
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