->'''Heavy:''' Doctor! Are you ''sure'' this will work?!\\
'''Medic:''' ''[confidently]'' Ahaha! I have '''''no idea!'''''
-->-- ''WebAnimation/TeamFortress2'', "Meet the Medic"

StockPhrases used when someone is ''about'' to, ''is'' doing, or ''has'' done something important[=/=]dangerous[=/=]dramatic[=/=]all of the above.

Phrases include:
* "I have no idea what I'm doing."
* "I know almost exactly what I'm doing."
* "[[IndyPloy I'm making this up as I go.]]"
* "I trusted my instincts."
* "It was a lucky guess."
* "I bluffed."
* "[[HowDidYouKnowIDidnt I didn't [know].]]"

May be related to IndyPloy. See also HowDidYouKnowIDidnt.


!!Examples:

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:Anime and Manga]]
* Phantom Solitaire in ''Manga/DeadMountDeathPlay'' [[IndyPloy wildly improvises his way]] through every appearance, and will admit, usually just to himself, that he really has no idea what he's doing.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Comic Books]]
* Wiccan of the ''ComicBook/YoungAvengers'' tends to do this, although he's not really an IneptMage; it's more that he's a very young, ''immensely'' powerful [[RealityWarper reality-warping]] [[SquishyWizard magic-user]] with not much experience, and his powers can literally do ''almost anything'' when he's motivated enough. It's part of the reason [[MagicalIncantation he usually rapidly and repeatedly chants what he wants to do when casting spells]]. He can cast without saying a word, but the effects of that range from "what I wanted to happen" to "I just accidentally put everyone in Times Square into a temporary magical coma".
* Miguel O'Hara in ''ComicBook/SpiderMan2099'' quotes this trope word for word when he first has to use his powers in a fight.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Fan Works]]
* ''[[Fanfic/AftermathOfTheGames Integration]]'': Princess Twilight repeatedly states that she has absolutely no idea what she's doing with how she's raising [[spoiler: the filly [[AlternateSelf version]] of [[RetGone Starlight Glimmer]]]] and it scares her to think of what will happen if she does something wrong.
* Parodied in ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries'' when the show makes fun of one of 4kids infamous moronic dub changes. While trapped in the virtual world, Tea runs down a particular trail and backs up her choice with "women's intuition". For some goddamn reason, 4kids removed this, so the Abridged Series makes fun of the resulting plot hole.
-->'''Tea:''' ''[while running]'' I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Films -- Animation]]
* ''WesternAnimation/{{Antz}}'': Z, the main character, actually provided one of the stock quotes; when [[spoiler: the workers (plus Weaver) are building a ladder to escape the flooding of the colony, Bala leaves to help her mom on the ladder.]] Z responds to her obvious fear of the situation by reassuring her "Don't worry; I know almost EXACTLY what I'm doing." Slightly hurts his case with a quick uncertain glance to the side but [[spoiler: it ends up working anyway.]]
* ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyEquestriaGirls'': When Spike questions how Twilight Sparkle plans to become Princess of the Fall Formal, Twilight "enthusiastically" says, "I have no idea!"
* In ''WesternAnimation/TheRescuersDownUnder'', poor Bernard -- trying to save the day on his own -- mutters, "I hope I know what I'm doing..." as he runs into danger.
* The titular character of ''WesternAnimation/{{Mulan}}'' admits to Mushu, while working to defeat the invasion of the Imperial City, that "I'm making this up as I go." (With a pitch change on the final word, as she comes up with an idea.)
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
* Ladybug and Lemon attempting to stop the Film/BulletTrain.
-->'''Ladybug''': Hey, so far so good. You can stop the train.\\
'''Lemon''': Uh, about that. I took the velocity of the train and divided it by the mass, and I learned that I don't know how to [[SuddenlyShouting FUCKIN' DRIVE]] a bullet train!
* ''Film/GoneWithTheWind'': "I don't know nothing 'bout birthin' no babies!"
* ''Film/InGoodCompany'': It's Carter Duryea's first day on the job as head of the Ad Sales department. He's only 26 years old.
-->'''Carter Duryea:''' I have no idea what I'm doing. Don't tell anyone, okay?
* ''Franchise/IndianaJones'': Indy's StockPhrase is "[[IndyPloy I'm making this up as I go!]]"
* From ''Film/TheHuntForRedOctober'':
-->'''Mancuso:''' How did you know that his next turn would be to starboard?\\
'''Ryan:''' I didn't. I had a 50/50 chance. I needed a break. Sorry.\\
'''Mancuso:''' That's all right, Mr. Ryan. My Morse is so rusty, I could be sending him dimensions on Playmate of the Month.
* From ''Film/TheEmpireStrikesBack'': Han Solo flies into a huge asteroid to evade the Imperial fleet.
-->'''Princess Leia:''' ''[to Solo]'' I hope you know what you're doing.\\
'''Han Solo:''' Yeah, me too.
* In ''Film/PanicRoom'', [[Creator/JodieFoster Meg]] has a brainwave that they might be able to jury-rig her mobile phone (which has no signal) into the house's main phone line. When [[Creator/KristenStewart her daughter]] asks what she's doing, Meg says she has no idea. [[spoiler: She manages to make it work (temporarily) because the different phone wires follow the same colour code.]]
* Zig-zag in ''Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail'' after King Arthur tricks the keeper of the Bridge of Death:
-->'''Keeper:''' What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?\\
'''Arthur:''' What do you mean? An African or European swallow?\\
'''Keeper:''' Uh... I don't know that! (''gets hurled into the gorge'')\\
'''Bedevere:''' How do you know so much about swallows?\\
'''Arthur:''' Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, y'know.
* ''Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy2014'': Peter Quill has 12% of a plan.
* [[TheCaptain Kirk]] says this to [[NumberTwo Spock]] in ''Film/StarTrekIntoDarkness'' during their battle with the ''Vengeance'', when he's forced to admit that he's not truly ready for command.
-->'''Kirk:''' I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I only know what I can do. The ''Enterprise'' and her crew need someone in that chair who knows what he doing, and that's not me. It's you, Spock.
* ''Film/SonicTheHedgehog22022''. Sonic explains his strategy as he leads the attack on Robotnik's gigantic mecha:
-->'''Sonic:''' Step 1: Light taunting. Step 2: I have no idea.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Literature]]
* Corwin in the first novel of ''Literature/TheChroniclesOfAmber'' finally admits to his brother Random (probably his only sibling he could trust in this way) that he doesn't know what's going on and has been bluffing his way through most of the novel.
* ''Literature/TheDresdenFiles'': Harry Dresden admits as much twice during the series, during ''Literature/TurnCoat'' and ''Literature/ColdDays''. Interestingly enough, it's used for a specific purpose - to convince two people that he's the good guy, because if he were the bad guy they know he couldn't come up with a plan this complex and smooth. This does not stop the first incidence from being funny, or the second from being a massive OhCrap for the other person.
* ''Literature/JudgeDee'': The judge claims his henchman Ma Jong is a connoisseur of fine china when dealing with an antiquarian. The shopkeeper enthusiastically presents an old vase for inspection. Poor Ma Jong, whose only interest in pottery is the liquid it holds, makes such a horrified face the shopkeeper apologizes, saying he suspected it was a fake, but didn't think it was that obvious to an expert.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* ''Series/BurnNotice'' episode "Friends and Enemies"
-->'''Michael Westen:''' I have a loaded machine pistol in my hand and I have no idea what I'm doing!
* ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000'':
** Episode "Danger! Death Ray"
--->'''Tom Servo:''' I have no idea what I'm doing, but I've seen this all on the ''Film/JamesBond'' movies, so...
** Also in ''Junior Rodeo Daredevils'':
--->'''Joel:''' I don't really know what I'm doing!
* The Doctor says this several times, in both new and classic ''Series/DoctorWho''.
-->'''The 4th Doctor''': I'm a very dangerous fellow when I don't know what I'm doing.
* On an episode of ''Series/TheDrewCareyShow'', a bag of what appears to be cocaine is found in a Winfred-Lauder restroom. A security employee [[FingertipDrugAnalysis tastes it]] and says, "Interesting...I have no idea what cocaine tastes like."
* In ''Series/{{Merlin|2008}}'', when Arthur tells Merlin that they can smear themselves with Gaia berries to avoid getting eaten by huge monsters. Afterwards:
-->'''Arthur:''' Gaia berries worked. Huh.\\
'''Merlin:''' You didn't know if they worked?\\
'''Arthur:''' Not for sure.
* An episode of ''Series/SpinCity'' has Paul (who's usually portrayed as an idiot) going on ''Series/WhoWantsToBeAMillionaire'' and winning big. When Regis Philbin asks how he keeps getting the right answers to questions, Paul gets a jubilant, I-can't-believe-it-either look on his face and replies, "I'm ''guessing!''"
* Joey says this to Chandler on ''Series/{{Friends}}'' as they have a conversation while Joey attempts to unlock a sealed door, adding, "For all I know, I'm locking it more."
* ''Series/StargateAtlantis'': Teyla goes into labor on an enemy ship with only [=McKay=] around. [=McKay=] starts doing Lamaze breathing (very poorly), causing Teyla to snap, "What are you doing?" Rodney admits, for possibly the first time ever, "I have no idea what I'm doing. What do you need me to do?"
* An episode of ''Series/NightCourt'' has Judge Harry Stone make a ShoutOut to the ''Film/GoneWithTheWind'' example above.
* The ''Series/NinjaTurtlesTheNextMutation'' episode "King Wick" has Wick state that he has no idea what he's doing when the Dragon Lord orders him to create a potion to restore his powers.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Music]]
* The first track on ''A Liturgy, a Legacy, and a Ragamuffin Band'' by the late Rich Mullins opens with a member of the Ragamuffin Band admitting he's completely unprepared to perform.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Video Games]]
* In ''Completing the Mission'' from the ''VideoGame/HenryStickminSeries'', Charles says this verbatim when he tries and fails to hack the Toppat base door open.
* In ''VideoGame/PrinceOfPersiaTheSandsOfTime,'' Farah asks The Prince, "Do you have any idea what you're doing?" as the player navigates The Prince through a series of gymnastic hurdles; and he responds, "I'm just working it out as I go!"
* ''VideoGame/{{Persona 3}}'': The main character, after defeating a boss on a runaway bullet train, successfully stops the train by pressing the right button. Upon questioned how he did it, the player can pick between two answers: "I trusted my instincts" or "It was a lucky guess." [[spoiler: The right answer is instincts. It all ties in with the TarotMotifs.]]
* ''Franchise/MassEffect'':
** In the original game, if you use paragon to persuade Jeong to save the colonists, you can later admit to Ashley that you had no clue what you were doing. If you're a male Shepard, you get this exchange:
--->'''Shepard:''' I just pretend I have my head up my ass and don't care about anything except money.\\
'''Ashley:''' That would be a waste of a perfectly fine ass... sir.
** Justicar Samara has many talents, but [[http://youtu.be/ibFrGMb1ajg?t=40s art criticism]] is apparently not one of them.
** In the Omega DLC for ''VideoGame/MassEffect3'', Aria uses her biotic powers to [[spoiler:open a gap in a forcefield for Shepard to escape the trap they were caught in.]]
--->'''Nyreen:''' Spirits, Aria. How did you know you could do that?\\
'''Aria:''' I didn't.
* ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2'': In the "Meet the Medic" video, the Medic is doing a test run on the [[LimitBreak ÜberCharge]] with Heavy for the first time. The Heavy cautiously asks the Medic if he's sure it will work, to which the Medic enthusiastically replies, ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzKKjJuujSs "I have no idea!"]]''
* ''VideoGame/FalloutNewVegas'': This line is used if you attempt to [[spoiler:operate on Caesar's brain tumor]] ''without'' the necessary Medicine skill, but with 9 or 10 luck.
-->'''[[spoiler:Vulpes Inculta]]:''' That was incredible! How did you do that?\\
'''[[PlayerCharacter The Courier]]:''' I have no idea whatsoever.
* One of the achievements with the Overkill Pack for ''VideoGame/{{PAYDAY 2}}'' is called "I Have No Idea What I'm Doing." It requires completing the Shadow Raid heist in stealth while packing the [[GatlingGood Vulcan Minigun]] and [[StuffBlowingUp HRL-7 rocket launcher]], meaning you brought the [[WithCatlikeTread worst possible equipment for a mission where stealth is the only option]].
* PlayedForDrama in ''VideoGame/GodOfWarPS4'', where after the death of his second wife, Kratos is suddenly thrust into a position he admits he is not ready yet to return to: having to be a father figure again. He struggles with putting his hugely traumatic past behind him despite it being centuries ago and he is terrified of messing things up with Atreus that he really doesn't know how to act or what to do now that he and Atreus are forced to deal with each other. It certainly doesn't help that Kratos kept himself distant from Atreus for most of his childhood due to his own insecurities. Faye was previously the mediator between father and son, but with her gone now, Kratos is left grasping at straws.
--> '''Kratos''': Faye... What do I do? Our son is not ready to carry your ashes to the top of the mountain... and neither am I. I do not know how to do this without you.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Visual Novels]]
* ''VisualNovel/DoubleHomework'':
** Discussed with Ms. Walsh and her lessons. Some students imply that she doesn’t teach her class anything because she can’t.
--->'''Morgan:''' ''You’re'' retarded, ''this class'' is retarded, ''this school'' is retarded!
** When the class escapes from Barbarossa, Lauren, Morgan, and Amy haven’t ever been on skis before. This is most pronounced with Morgan, who is the odd one out when the weak skiers pair up with stronger ones (the protagonist helps Johanna, Tamara helps Lauren, and Rachel helps Amy). The protagonist takes note of her bad posture, and privately thinks that she’ll be lucky to escape in one piece. Sure enough, she gets a broken ankle on the way down.
** Turns out to be [[spoiler:''exploited'']] by Uncle Tommy in Morgan’s epilogue when [[spoiler:he tells the protagonist to play drums in his last hurrah concert. That he has never played drums (or anything else, for that matter) doesn’t faze Uncle Tommy; in fact, Uncle Tommy is trying to recreate the amateurish sound that always characterized his band.]]
* The protagonist of ''VisualNovel/{{Melody}}'' has a couple of these:
** Zigzagged with his lessons with Melody. He clearly plans out his lessons and general curriculum, but his lack of experience is one thing that trips him up.
** Also shows up when he recasts himself as Melody’s manager. Even though he has no experience in this role, he wants to be the one booking the shows and choosing Melody’s band mates. However, his search for band members goes so badly that he is about to swallow his pride and ask Hank for help before he gets a lucky break.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Webcomics]]
* In ''Webcomic/{{Gnoph}}'', when Will's heart stops, Lyss quickly performs first aid. When she succeeds in resuscitating him, she seems astonished.
--> '''Lyss:''' That WORKED?!? That's one to add to the database!
* A two-person variant in ''Webcomic/EightBitTheater'':
-->'''Thief:''' Red Mage, do you have any idea what you're doing?\\
'''Red Mage:''' Why should THAT stop me?
* A variant inflicted by someone else in ''Webcomic/MegaTokyo'', when [[http://megatokyo.com/strip/908 Largo retrofits a gaming store as a LARP maze,]] complete with computer-controlled cardboard hazards... then reluctantly abandons it to teach an English class. His boss, attempting to retain the resulting sales that ensue from the retrofit, quotes the trope in panic.
-->'''Piro:''' Boss-san, I'm so sorry! I'll clean this up as soon as I--\\
'''Boss:''' Wait, I think I'm getting the hang of--\\
''[box marked "PWNZD" falls on Piro's head]''\\
'''Piro:''' ...Find Largo and PK him.\\
'''Boss:''' '''I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!'''
* ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick'': [[http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots1020.html Blackwing admits it when about to read a magical scroll.]] But he puts this in the [[GoodNewsBadNews "good news"]] category, since indeed the MagicMisfire resulting from his haphazard reading is way more useful to the current situation than the actual spell on the scroll.
* ''Webcomic/SamAndFuzzy'' has Fuzzy discover that Sam and Nicole are romantically involved but trying to keep it a secret. After Nicole bribes him to keep quiet but forces him to sign an NDA (which ends a killer droid after him if he tries to break it), Fuzzy resorts to trying to use semaphore (flag signals) to gossip with.
-->'''Jackson:''' ''SAM AND NICOLE ARE WHAT?!''\\
'''Blank:''' I didn't think Jackson would know semaphore.\\
'''Fuzzy:''' Hell, I didn't think '''I''' knew semaphore!
* ''Webcomic/PennyArcade'' has a RunningGag where Tycho plays the host of a late-night talk show, and in one of the earliest ones, Gabe is the band leader.
-->'''Gabe:''' ''[holding an electric bass]'' Yeah, I don't even know what this thing is ''called!''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* ''WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes'':
** "The Unmentionables": As Bugs operates the controls of a cereal factory, he quips, "The way I work this thing, you think I'd know something about it."
** In "Daffy Duck and the Dinosaur", Daffy paints a perfect replica of himself on a wall, after which he says, "Not bad for a guy who never took an art lesson in his life."
* In a ''[[WesternAnimation/JusticeLeague Justice League Unlimited]]'' episode, Flash (who can't normally fly) tells Fire, who is carrying him through the air, to drop him and help Hawkgirl. It does make an impression on Fire (whom he is trying to woo) but when she leaves, he quips: "I hope I come up with something before I hit the ground..." [[spoiler:He does.]]
** In another episode, most of the League leaps out of their spaceship to deal with a problem, telling Flash to take the controls. He does, then mutters to himself that nobody asked if he even knows ''how'' to fly the ship.
* ''WesternAnimation/TeenTitans2003'': Mumbo says this when he uses Starfire for the SawAWomanInHalf trope.
-->'''Mumbo:''' It's only fair to warn you... I have no idea what I'm doing.
* ''WesternAnimation/ThePenguinsOfMadagascar'': one of Kowalski's catchphrases.
* In one episode of ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', the Sea Captain promises Homer that a raft is the "yarrest river-goin' boat thar be". It promptly sinks, forcing him admit, "Yarr, I don't know what I'm doin'."
* In one episode of ''WesternAnimation/{{Archer}}'', most of the ISIS employees go on strike. So Lana and Archer are in one of the labs, discussing their plans, when Lana asks Archer to bring up the map of the place they're infiltrating. After a few failed attempts, Lana sarcastically asks Archer if he's just hitting random buttons, to which Archer replies, "Obviously!"
** This is a running gag in the series, with Archer never bothering to do any prep work for the mission or read any of the intel and just blunders blindly through everything, relying on luck and natural ability to save him.
* Happens twice in ''WesternAnimation/XiaolinShowdown'', both times with Omi.
** The first time is when the Shen Gong Wu hunt begins; Omi yells, "Follow me, to ''victory!''" And runs off. "...I have no idea where I'm going."
** The second is after Omi goes back in time to retrieve a MacGuffin from Grand Master Dashi. "Now, I must return to the future!" Pause. "Which I have no idea how to do."
* In one episode of ''WesternAnimation/{{Beetlejuice}}'', BJ does a swan dive off a diving board which is several thousand feet high, into a glass of water on the ground. But before he does, he makes sure to warn the kids watching at home not to imitate him.
-->'''BJ:''' Remember, folks, DontTryThisAtHome, because I have no idea what I'm doing!
* ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic'':
** In "[[Recap/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagicS2E20ItsAboutTime It's About Time]]", Twilight asks Pinkie Pie to "[[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness recalibrate the apertures on the nine and quarter catadioptric telescopes]]"[[note]][[ViewersAreGeniuses i.e., adjust the telescopes so it'll be safe to look at the sun through them]][[/note]], which Pinkie agrees to do... and then just looks at the telescope. When Twilight asks if she's done, Pinkie cheerfully says, "I have no idea!"
** In "[[Recap/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagicS4E3CastleManeia Castle Mane-ia]]", Pinkie is found playing a pipe organ and tells her friends, "Hey you guys! Did you know I could totally play the organ? Because I didn't!"
* ''WesternAnimation/SheepInTheBigCity'' has a moment in the pilot where General Specific's sheep tracker has broken down, and the repairman, who is basically just [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries Scotty]] rabbles a bunch of TechnoBabble about why he cant fix it.
-->'''General Specific:''' ''[beat]'' You dont know what you're doing, do you?\\
'''"Scotty":''' ...No.
* ''WesternAnimation/JusticeLeagueAction'': In "Unleashed", Plastic Man says, "I have no idea how I'm doing this!" as he shapes his arms into working blow dryers.
* ''WesternAnimation/RickAndMorty'': Near the climax of "[[Recap/RickAndMortyS2E5GetSchwifty Get Schwifty]]", Morty and the United States President need to get to a performance stage help Rick save the world, and the President tells Morty that they'll have to move fast because a GeneralRipper is planning to launch some nukes that'll make the whole situation worse, leading to:
-->'''Morty:''' Oh my God! C-C-Can you fly a Blackhawk?\\
'''The President:''' [[IsTheAnswerToThisQuestionYes Can the Pope's dick fit through a donut?]]\\
'''Morty:''' ''[intensely disturbed]'' Uhhhh, I'm not sure?\\
'''The President:''' Exactly.
[[/folder]]
----