[[quoteright:350:[[ComicStrip/{{Zits}} https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/answering_machine.jpg]]]]
[[caption-width-right:350:[[LongRunner The 90's.]] [[NotAllowedToGrowUp Same]] [[NotAllowedToGrowOld as you]].]]

->''"Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!... Don't...!"''
-->-- [[http://www.ahajokes.com/ans009.html Ahajokes.com]]

When a character lives in a modern setting, how do you show the audience or reader how quirky he or she is? Make that character an entertaining answering machine [[note]] [[TechnologyMarchesOn For those not familiar with them]], they were electronic devices that connected to a landline phone. The 1970s-1980s version used mini cassette tapes. It played your greeting and then recorded a message for you if you weren't home. By the 1990s, answering machines recorded your greeting and messages digitally. They could be used to screen calls in the days before Caller ID, as you could hear your annoying relative/ex/boss leave their message over the built-in speaker. They've largely been replaced with digital voicemail. [[/note]] or voicemail message for callers to hear! They're also good for showing the audience a hint of the character's personality. Compare VoicemailConfusion, FunnyPhoneMisunderstanding.
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!!Examples:

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:Anime & Manga]]
* ''Anime/DarkerThanBlack'' uses November 11's answering machine in one episode, having him tell a joke while the person at the other end is waiting for the beep. It's used as an OrphanedPunchline, and surprisingly seems to be a bawdy joke as opposed to November 11's [[EvilHasABadSenseOfHumor usual sense of humor]].
* The dub of ''Anime/YuGiOhSevens'' turns Yuga’s invention, the “Crank Call-inator” into one of these.
--> Hi, you’ve reached the Ohdo household. There’s nobody here to answer the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep, and a representative will get back to you in 7 billion years.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Comic Books]]
* The CasanovaWannabe in the German comic ''ComicStrip/{{Rudi}}'' has one, where he's bringing a woman to orgasm. How the hell did he manage to make her agree with that?!
* ''ComicBook/TheUnstoppableWasp'': Nadia is woken up by the ringing of Hank Pym's phone. Unable to find it in time, she hears a lengthy voicemail message including a preemptive redirection to the Avengers if there's some world-ending emergency, a preemptive apology to Janet, a preemptive refusal of whatever Scott Lang wants as he already owes Hank something like $50,000, and Hank accidentally setting the carpet on fire. Again.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Comic Strips]]
* Parodied in ''ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes''. Calvin once picked up the phone and said, "Hello, we are unable to come to the phone right now, so please leave a message at the sound of the 'click'." and hung up.
* ''ComicStrip/{{Candorville}}'': Lemont's answering machine always identifies the caller, usually "Mom" or "creditor." To the latter, he tends to mention his lack of funds. To the former, he's painfully self-effacing and apologetic for not living up to her expectations.
* ''ComicStrip/CitizenDog'': Mel and Fergus try this, but end up arguing over it instead.
* One early ''ComicStrip/{{Dilbert}}'' strip has him leaving a girl a message asking her out on a date. Her answering machine says "If you're calling to take me to Paris, press 1. If you're offering to take me to a crappy movie, press 2."
** Cue Dilbert pressing '2' and saying "I've got a bad feeling about this..."
* In ''ComicStrip/FoxTrot'' Jason is quite fond on these. Some include;
** A message offering the number of the insane asylum to anyone calling for Paige.
** A message telling someone leaving a message for Paige to press "[[NumberOfTheBeast 666]]."
** Bringing the machine up to the shower to record Roger singing in the shower.
** Recording himself singing "A million bottles of beer on the wall...", leaving his parents wondering why they have no messages again.
*** The [[{{Bowdlerise}} original version]] of the strip had Jason informing callers they dialed the "Satan Hotline".
** Informing the caller they've reached the "Jason Fox Hotline, your 24 hour source for all things Jason" and then a lengthy description of his day, leaving Roger wondering why everyone sounds so grouchy on the machine.
** Paige has also done this on occasion, usually when she's trying to get a date for whatever upcoming social event is happening.
* An early ''ComicStrip/{{Frazz}}'' Sunday strip has Frazz and the kids recording a song with some nonsense instructions for the caller.
* "Hi, this is Suzy. I'm not at home, but please leave a message at the tone... Unless you're [[ComicStrip/{{Garfield}} Jon Arbuckle]], in which case the machine will automatically hung up."
** An episode of ''WesternAnimation/GarfieldAndFriends'' had a message where Jon was being assaulted by Garfield and Odie while recording.
** An actual strip (April 27, 2008) has Liz call and hear him fighting with Garfield in the recording (and it's implied that he'd JUST been recording it a short while before). As in the ''Series/TheKidsInTheHall'' example, she likes it and says it's funny.
* In ''ComicStrip/{{Zits}}'', Jeremy Duncan makes a message where he simply farts into the phone: "Leave a message at the sound of the 'frap'." And in an early strip, "You have reached the number you called. Blah, blah, blah. If you actually need further instructions, well, that's just pathetic."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Fan Works]]
* ''Fanfic/CatTales'': Joker's answering machine message is the same as in ''WesternAnimation/BatmanTheAnimatedSeries''... meaning it's less funny and more disturbing. And Ivy hates it.
-->'''Joker:''' (''laughs'') Boy, did ''you'' get a wrong number. Leave your message at the sound of the shriek.\\
'''Man's voice:''' No! Please! Don't! (''shrieks'')
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
* The beginning of ''Creator/CheechAndChong: Still Smokin''' features Cheech's long and funny answering machine message before Chong tells him they need to catch the plane to Amsterdam.
** The duo also have a song where Chong calls Cheech about a gig. At first it sounds like Cheech answers the phone, only to go a song instead: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlO_X692EI8 "I'm not home right now, leave a message when you hear the tone..."]]
* In ''Film/TheDinnerGame'', (French: ''Le Diner De Cons''), François Pignon has such a message.
* In ''Film/HowTheGrinchStoleChristmas'', the Grinch sees he has no messages and checks his outgoing: "If you utter so much as one syllable '''''I'll hunt you down and gut you like a fish!!!!!''''' If you'd like to fax me, press the Star key!"
* Hilariously subverted in ''Film/LAStory'', in which Steve Martin answers the phone in a pitch perfect parody of an answering machine message:
--> '''Harrison''': Hi, this is Harrison. I'm home right now, so you can talk to me after the beep. *beep*\\
'''Sara''': (very confused) ...hello?
* In ''Film/LoadedWeapon1'':
-->'''Answering Machine:''' You've reached the desk of Sgt. Wes Luger. Please leave a message after the beep.\\
'''Billy:''' Yeah, Wes? It's me, Billy.\\
'''Answering Machine:''' Hey! I said after the beep!
* ''Film/MeetTheFockers'' has Greg calling his parents and getting the machine, which includes the standard message and then his parents yelling about how to turn the recorder off.
* Played with in ''Film/MouseHunt'', where Nathan Lane's character has an answering machine prompt that consists entirely of, "When ya hear the beep, start talkin'."
* ''Film/{{Swingers}}'' features a funny answering machine, even though the message is completely normal. It seems the main character has his machine to spout out encouragements to him, as after he checks it says, in its robotic voice, comments like "She's not worth it" and "There are other fish in the sea."
* ''Film/TheTerminator''. "Hi! [{{beat}}] Ha-ha, fooled you, you're talking to a machine!" The last time we hear this message, Sarah Connor really is talking to a machine as the Terminator has just killed her roommate who made the message.
* The crafting of a funny message is the source of great angst in the short film [[http://www.atom.com/funny_videos/this_is_john/ "This Is John"]] by the Duplass Brothers.
* In ''Film/EyesOfLauraMars'', the models Michele and Lulu chorus, "This is Lulu and Michele. We're not home, so go to hell. But if you're not a horny creep, then leave a message when you hear the beep."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Literature]]
* The ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'' novel ''Literature/{{Sourcery}}'' has a fairly standard message. The funny bit is that they're in a fantasy universe and it's not a phone, it's a BenevolentGenie's magic lamp.
-->Do not put down the lamp because your custom is important to us. Please leave a wish after the tone and, very shortly, it will be our command. In the meantime, have a nice eternity.
* ''Literature/LifesLittleInstructionBook'' advises against this:
-->'''154.''' Resist the temptation to put a cute message on your answering machine.
* ''Literature/NinaTanleven'': In ''The Ghost in the Third Row'', when Nine finally reaches Chris on the phone, she gets the answering machine. It claims to be their cat, and at the end asks the caller to leave a message at the sound of the meow. Also if they have any spare mice. Then there’s an actual meow instead of a beep.
* ''Literature/ThePlantThatAteDirtySocks'': When the family gets an answering machine in book 5, Norman and his friend Bob start calling from Bob's house and leaving silly messages, then rush back to hear themselves on playback. After their parents put a stop to this, Dad teaches Norman how to record an actual message so he won't use it as a toy anymore... only for Norman to secretly rerecord it, except this time he sings it to the tune of "Camptown Races". Mom and Dad aren't pleased, but at least one caller compliments them on having a song on the machine.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* On ''Series/{{Alice|1976}},'' Alice gets an answering machine and someone makes a death threat against her on it.
* ''Series/{{Bones}}''[='=]s voicemail reminds the audience that this is not Temperance Brennan, but a recording of her.
* Jesse Pinkman's answering machine message on ''Series/BreakingBad'':
-->YO YO YO 1-4-8 3 TO THE 3 TO THE 6 TO THE 9, REPRESENTIN' THE ABQ, WADDUP, BI-ATCH?! Leave it at the tone.[[note]]After the TraumaCongaLine he endures over the course of the series, his message changes to something decidedly more muted.[[/note]]
* In the Season 2 finale of ''Series/CarolineInTheCity'', Caroline calls Richard to confess that she's in love with him, and when she hears him say "Hello," she assumes he's answered the phone. She is cut off after a few words with "Actually it's a machine, but aren't we all?" Caroline mutters that the usually grumpy Richard has picked a fine time to develop a sense of humour.
* ''Series/{{Cheers}}'':
** One episode involves Sam's message, which sounds like him answering the phone, then a long pause, followed by "Just kidding. You got my machine." Diane calls Sam before her wedding to Frasier, hoping Sam is on a plane on his way to stop the wedding. When she thinks he has answered, she hangs up in disgust without hearing the rest, and thus doesn't know that Sam ''is'' on his way.
** Another episode's [[TheTeaser teaser]] plays Woody's outgoing message, which Sam says (in the message) is stupid. The caller is revealed to be Woody, who now agrees that the message is stupid.
* In one episode of ''Series/{{Chuck}}'', Chuck calls Casey and gets the following message:
-->This is Casey. Hrmmm. [''BEEP'']
* In ''Series/{{Community}},'' the end of one episode provides a little present for all the Kevins out there:
--> '''Creator/GeorgeTakei:''' Hi, Kevin can't come to the phone. He's on a spaceship with me, George Takei. Please leave a message.
* One episode of ''Series/CriminalMinds'' has a guy (played by [[Series/MalcolmInTheMiddle Frankie Muniz]]) compulsively calling his girlfriend's cellphone, and getting the message "Hello, I cannot answer right now because I'm busy living my life!". He keeps getting increasingly exasperated that she doesn't answer, and a {{flashback}} reveals that he suggested the message to her (as he's some successful comic writer/artist). [[spoiler:Then it turns out she was murdered a while ago, he has the phone (in silence) and his insistence on calling is part of the denial/psychosis he's suffering. He didn't kill her, mind you; he's hunting down the gang that did.]]
* Hey, this is ''Series/DrakeAndJosh''! Leave your name and...blah, blah, blah, blah...
* In one episode of ''Series/EverybodyHatesChris'', Julies buys an old reel-to-reel answering machine for the house phone, but no one leaves any messages because Rochelle's voice sounds completely different when played back. Eventually Drew takes over and leaves this message, "(beatbox) Hey this is Master Drew, and I'm not home! So just call me back on the telephone!"
* In the ''Series/FamilyTies'' episode "Teacher's Pet," Alex records an answering machine message that plays a fanfare every time he says his own name. Later, Mallory and Jennifer record another message that says, "If you're calling for either one of us or our parents, please leave a message after the beep. If you're calling for Alex, he doesn't live here anymore, and we don't know where he lives."
* In ''Series/{{Frasier}}'', Niles and Daphne's answering machine consists of them singing a duet to the tune of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony ("No-bo-dy's hooooooome, no-bo-dy's hoooooooome....")
* ''Series/{{Friends}}'':
** If Joey and Chandler's answering machine isn't enough ("Here comes the beep, you know what to do" - since it doesn't say who it is, allowed Chandler to date a woman who called the wrong number), Ross attempted one that made the duo groan ("''[[[Music/{{Queen}} stomp, stomp, clap!] We will, we will, call you back!]]''").
** When Rachel and Phoebe were sharing an apartment, they made a couple of attempts to record a message with alternating words. During the first attempt, the message is "Hi, it's Rachel and Phoebe, please leave a message", but Phoebe complains about being stuck saying "it's", "and", "please", and "a". So she insists on going first - and Rachel changes the message to "Hi ''everybody'', it's Rachel and Phoebe, please leave a message", so that she gets all the "good" words again.
** One message said, "You've reached Monica and Chandler's. If you're hearing this message, we're probably screening." While it's playing, we see Chandler reading a newspaper. [[DeadpanSnarker "Yeah, we are."]]
* ''Series/{{House}}'' at one time had a very convincing "this number has been disconnected" recording for his answering machine.
* ''Series/HowIMetYourMother'' plays with this trope a few times. On one occasion, Barney and Robin record a corny duet as part of a bet. On another, Lily starts talking to her dad, learns he wants $5,000 in bail, and starts pretending to be one of these.
* To promote ''Series/{{Jessica Jones|2015}}'' season two, Marvel Studios posted [[https://twitter.com/JessicaJones/status/688775449359421440 the name and phone number]] of Jessica's detective agency online. People who dialed the number would hear this greeting, recorded in-character by star Creator/KrystenRitter:
-->'''Jessica Jones:''' Alias Investigations. We've got cases and shit, so leave a message.
** On the other hand, ''Series/TheDefenders2017'' shows Jessica's answering machine message is her gruffly barking "Wrong number. *BEEP*" because she's [[TenMinuteRetirement avoiding taking cases]].
* A ''Series/TheKidsInTheHall'' sketch revolves around a couple trying to record their outgoing message. The wife wants a simple, straightforward message while the husband wants something clever. While attempting to record their message, they have an argument while the tape is still running. A friend calls in and hears their message, which contains the argument. The caller laughs and congratulates the couple on creating their funniest message yet.
* When ''Series/LastWeekTonightWithJohnOliver'' created a fake church to mock excessive spending by megachurch pastors, they set up a phone line, 1-800-THIS-IS-LEGAL. [[note]]Which corresponds to 1-800-844-7475 according to most American phones[[/note]] The answering machine used by the line started out normally, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfEG_eo7sCU?t=20 before devolving into Oliver yelling at the caller to donate money.]]
* In one episode of ''Series/MamasFamily'', Mama gets an answering machine and each person's attempt to record an outgoing message reflects their personality: Iola does it in a drab monotone, Naomi does it in a sexy, seductive voice with a kiss at the end (Mama: "It's supposed to be a phone message, not foreplay!"), Bubba shows off by doing it Elvis-style, and Vint just describes the machine on his message. They finally settle on Mama's short but not-so-sweet "It's your dime, spill it!"
* "Hello. This is Adrian... Series/{{Monk}}. Thank you for calling my new answering machine. When you hear the beep noise, please speak into the telephone receiver and leave a message, which I will play back and listen to later. This is the end of the message, and here is the beep I was talking about." [BEEP]
* On ''Series/MyNameIsEarl'', when Earl and Randy moved into an actual apartment, Randy bought an answering machine with a recording of a Creator/MrT impersonator.
* {{Inverted}} with [[HatesSmallTalk Gibbs]] on ''Series/{{NCIS}}'', reinforcing his nature as TheQuietOne. (Of course, the fact that it's so terse and unfunny makes it ''[[SoUnfunnyItsFunny hilarious]]''.)
--> "Gibbs. Speak."
* On ''Series/{{One Day at a Time|1975}}'' the family is going away for a Christmas vacation so they borrow an answering machine for the duration. The girls decide to record their greeting to the tune of "Silent Night."
-->''Leave your number when you hear the bee-ee-eep''\\
''U-unless you are a creep''
* ''Series/RadioEnfer'': [[DeadpanSnarker Carl]] recorded the message on the answering machine in the radio's room, resulting in what follows:
-->'''Carl:''' You have reached the radio's room, but we cannot answer. Maria is primping herself in the washroom, Camille is trying to grow up, Jean-Lou still hasn't understood how the phone works, and I am recording this message.
* Not always funny, but on ''Series/TheRockfordFiles'', Jim Rockford's message machine--an audio CouchGag in the credits--was the introduction to the episode, often leaving the audience with an idea of either the trouble Jim was up to or the personality of Jim's new client.
* ''Series/SabrinaTheTeenageWitch'': Salem's latest attempt to call Music/PaulaAbdul gets him "Leave a message and I'll get back to you. If this is that weird guy Salem, stop weeping into my phone!" Salem proceeds to do just that.
* A ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'' skit featured a man distressed that his answering machine message made him sound effeminate. So he re-recorded it... only to sound even moreso. He proceeded to repeat his actions over and over again, only for the message to sound more and more stereotypically gay no matter how manly he tried to sound, including things ''he hadn't even said'' such as "whoo-hoo!" and "girlfriend".
-->'''Larry''': ''[re-records his message, but forcing his voice to sound deep and rough]'' Hi, this is Larry Henderson! Leave a message! Thanks!
-->'''Larry's Message''': Hi, this Lawrence H., I’m not here. Why is your tired ass calling me, anyway? Oh, well! Leave a message, and it best not be shady! Thanks, girl!
-->'''Larry''': '''''I didn’t say ANY of that!'''''
* George's classic [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yg-TqEFYcfM message]] from ''Series/{{Seinfeld}}'', sung to the tune of the theme from ''Series/TheGreatestAmericanHero''.
** This was copied for Sean Fausz's answering machine in WebVideo/{{Kickassia}}.
* Carrie Bradshaw's message in ''Series/SexAndTheCity'' has variations of "Hi. I'm shoe shopping".
* ''Series/{{Sisters}}''. After Teddy's (the second-oldest sister) husband is killed, we see her sitting alone in their bedroom, repeatedly listening to their answering machine message, which includes him mock-angrily demanding that callers leave them alone, since they're newlyweds.
* ''Series/{{Supernatural}}'':
** The voicemail of [[TheComicallySerious Castiel]]: You have reached the voice mail of [Castiel: I don’t understand. Why do you want me to say my name?] [sound of numbers being pressed] [beep]
** Dean's message is terse: "Leave your name, number, and nightmare at the tone."
** Dean has multiple phones so one of his messages is "this is Dean's ''other'', other phone, so you must know what to do."
** Likewise Bobby Singer has a number of phones so he can impersonate an FBI office or other authority for the Hunters. His actual number has a curt: "This is Bobby Singer's direct hotline. You should ''not have'' this number."
* In a sketch on the ''Series/TheTraceyUllmanShow'', Tracey played a single girl whose recorded calls all indicated that her answering machine message made her sound sick or depressed (one, a wrong number, referred her to a suicide hotline). In response, Tracey hired a studio band and recorded an elaborate message to the tune of "Something's Coming" from ''Theatre/WestSideStory''. When she came home the next day and eagerly prepared to listen to her messages, all she received was a long line of beeps, indicating that the callers had gotten [[SurprisinglyRealisticOutcome fed up waiting for the song to end and hung up]].
* ''Series/WillAndGrace'' used to do these all the time. When the phone rang and they listened to one of them, Will said, "I hate us so much right now." Apparently, they make them when drunk.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Music]]
* When Music/IronMaiden re-released their singles, drummer Nicko [=McBrain=] had hilarious tracks commenting on the songs (among other things). At the end of each, he imitates an answering machine.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Pro Wrestling]]
* On WWE Raw, Wrestling/ShawnMichaels doesn't show up one night, so Wrestling/TripleH decides to call his cell phone and ends up getting his [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp-jLUKCBS0 voicemail]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Radio]]
* ''Radio/WaitWaitDontTellMe'' has the promise of this trope as a prize. If a contestant wins, they'll get radio personality Carl Kasell's voice on their home answering machine. What kinds of thing do they make him say? Well, find someone who knows someone who's won the game to find out.
** You can hear a few samples [[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111036549 here]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Roleplay]]
* A variation from ''Roleplay/DawnOfANewAgeOldportBlues'', where there isn't an actual answering machine, but Hyeon makes a joke in the style of one after he's put through the ringer:
-->"Hyeon isn’t available at the moment, if you’d like to leave a message, leave it at the beep. ''[{{Beat}}]'' Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep oh god."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Theatre]]
* ''Theatre/{{Rent}}'' has Mark and Roger saying, "speeeeeaak" together in a bored tone.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Video Games]]
* ''VideoGame/JaggedAlliance'' 2 has a number in the recruitment menu. A few examples.
-->'''Buns:''' "You have reached my video voice mail, please leave me a message. And Gumpy, if this is you, leave me a message like the last one, I will send you a reply that explodes on impact. I am not kidding."
-->'''Steroid:''' "Robert Gontarski is ummm... UNAVOIDABLE right now. Tell me who you are and what you want and maybe I put him in touch with you, maybe not."
-->'''Fox:''' You've reached Cynthia Guzzman. I'm kind of... -giggle- tied up at the moment, but leave me a message and I'll call you. If you would rather not hear from me, breathe heavily. Just '''once'''.
-->'''Fidel:''' How this thing work? Fidel no here now... OK, I am here now, but I no be here when you get message, because if I here, you no get message, you get Fidel... One thing for sure, Fidel like to kill. And Fidel like money.
-->'''Malice:''' "Hello dere. Single, white, French-Canadian guy looking for married, Black, English girl dat, uh, oh, uh, bad message. Leave me somet'ing, I get it back to you."
* Lammy's answering machine message in ''VideoGame/UmJammerLammy'' is so long that she has time to run down some flights of stairs, run back ''up'' to her apartment, turn off all of the appliances she had accidentally left on, give her stuffed panda a kiss, and race back out the door.
* In ''VideoGame/TheWolfAmongUs'', Literature/BeautyAndTheBeast have an answering machine that says ([[OverlyLongGag at considerable length]] and in [[StepfordSmiler an incredibly over-the-top happy tone]]) that they can't come to the phone right now because they're out having a great time. Considering they're [[spoiler:neck-deep in debt to a loan shark they're trying to avoid, the message is not only BlatantLies, but when the enforcer harassing them is ''finally'' able to leave his own message, the first thing he does is threaten dire repercussions if he has to listen to it one more time]].
* Richard Gray, of ''Grim Tales'' and ''VideoGame/DetectivesUnited'', is a ghost bound inside his own skull. (ItMakesSenseInContext, at least as much as that concept ever could.) The skull sits on the inventory bar, and when he wants to say something, it lights up and shakes to prompt the player to click on it. However, clicking on it when it's ''not'' doing that may result in a supernatural version of this trope:
-->"Hello, Richard Gray here. I can't come out of the skull right now. Please call again later."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Original]]
* [[http://www.ahajokes.com/funny_answering_machine_messages.html This website.]]
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzgVAwNJuYM&feature=related Roses are red und violets are blue/Hitler want a message from you.]]
* [[http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/palisades.asp Almost]] RealLife example: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwghabw4N80 This message for a school]] needs to be heard to believe.
* [[WebAnimation/HomestarRunner Marzipan's Answering Machine]] is mostly about the funny ''calls'' she gets, but some of her answering machine messages can be pretty unusual, too. Some examples:
-->'''Marzipan:''' Hi, this is Marzipan. I'm out doing some very important things, so please leave me a message, and if this is Strong Bad calling to prank call me, can you please do the one where I win the radio contest? 'Cause that one's my favorite. Okay. Bye.\\
'''Marzipan:''' Hi guys! Leave me a message, and I'll leave you with an [[MindScrew abstract thought]]. Is a penguin a bird or a duck?
* ''Website/NobodyHere'': "[[https://nobodyhere.com/justme/answer.here Answer]]" has the author pretend that the other person got the number wrong in the voicemail message.
-->"This is the answering machine of some other guy. You must have dialed the wrong number. Please leave your apologies after the beep."
* The ''Series/DoctorWho [[WebAnimation/ScreamOfTheShalka Scream of the Shalka]]'' webcast (now non-canon with the new series) revealed the Doctor (and [[RobotBuddy robot]] [[FriendlyEnemy Master]])'s answerphone message to end "we will get back to you before you call." Also, by the sound of it, the Master was ''[[HoYay somehow]]'' making the Doctor giggle while he recorded it...
* Website/SCPFoundation: [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-361 SCP-361]] is an Etruscan artifact resembling a divining liver. If you put an actual sheep liver on it you get the following message:
-->Welcome to [=HarusCo=]! Your sacrifice is very important to us! For Tinia the Thunderer, please perform a horizontal incision on the offering. For Aita of the Underworld, please perform a vertical incision. For Maris, lightly cover your offering with the ash of a dead warrior related to you by blood.
* At the start of ''WebVideo/{{Kickassia}},'' That Chick with the Goggles has a TheTapeKnewYouWouldSayThat-style outgoing message that tricks The Nostalgia Critic into having a conversation with it. An unrelated video on the site years later reveals that's ''still'' her outgoing message.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* From the first episode of ''WesternAnimation/AdventuresOfSonicTheHedgehog'', when Dr. Robotnik tries to call Grounder, who is in pieces:
-->'''Grounder:''' The robot you have reached has been discomboobulated [sic], and the hedgehog you were chasing got away.
%%* Roger from ''WesternAnimation/AmericanDad'' has one.
* A recurring gag in ''WesternAnimation/{{Archer}}'' is that characters will call Archer and start talking only to realize that it's just one of his elaborate and obnoxious voice mail messages.
** Reaches its peak in the Season 5 episode "The Rules of Extraction." Archer programs his voicemail to trigger a ''rave'' in the Tunt mansion, complete with laser-light show and a techno remix of "The mail box of A-A-Archer, A-A-Archer is full." Not even [[MadScientist Krieger]] knows how he pulled that one off.
* ComicBook/TheJoker has one in ''WesternAnimation/BatmanTheAnimatedSeries''. Naturally, it's also disturbing. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WQqstqo4Sw Watch here.]]
-->'''Joker:''' (''laughs'') Boy, did ''you'' get a wrong number. Leave your message at the sound of the shriek.\\
'''Man's voice:''' No! Please! Don't! (''shrieks'')
* In the second ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'' Star Wars special, Luke (Chris) tries to call Han (Peter) to tell him that he's going to the Dagobah System.
-->'''Han:''' Hello?\\
'''Luke:''' Alright, so I'm going to the Dagobah Sys--\\
'''Han:''' I'm sorry, I can't hear you.\\
'''Luke:''' (''louder'') I said I'm going to the Dagobah--\\
'''Han:''' I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to speak up.\\
'''Luke:''' (''screaming'') I said I'm going to the--\\
'''Han:''' Haha! It's a machine!
* ''WesternAnimation/FilmationsGhostbusters'' has Ansabone, a ''sentient'' answering machine which tries to answer the phone before the 'Busters can, and even tries to play keep-away with them. Examples of his "wit":
--> You've reached the Ghostbusters. They went for a long walk...off a short pier!\\
Sorry, the Ghostbusters can't come to the phone. They're out to lunch--permanently!\\
If you're trying to reach the Ghostbusters, it's a poor reflection on you!
* In a 2-minute short for ''WesternAnimation/FostersHomeForImaginaryFriends'', Bloo and the gang try to make one of these, but it fails when Madame Foster overloads the electricity before they could press the save button.
* In ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls'', during TheStinger of the episode 'Dipper vs. Manliness', where Grunkle Stan keeps receiving obsessive voicemails from a local diner waitress who keeps calling to say hello and [[https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CrazyCatLady getting her cats to do the same,]] much to Stan's horror.
* ''WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb'': In "Out of Toon", Candace tries to call her mom Linda to report Phineas and Ferb's latest crazy scheme, and discovers Linda has a new voice-mail message:
-->'''Linda:''' (''on voice mail'') Hi! This is Mom. Leave your psychotic rant about the boys when you hear the beep. (''beep'')\\
'''Candace:''' Mom, come home quick! [[ItMakesSenseInContext There's a giant mob, I'm a super fiend, I'm roasting them with laser vision]], and— Hey! What do you mean, "psychotic rant"?!
* In ''WesternAnimation/PinkyAndTheBrain'' episode "TV or Not TV", when the Brain is expecting a phone call:
-->'''Woman's Voice:''' You have reached Acme Labs. We are temporarily closed due to massive budget cuts, ''which basically put us all out on the streets!''
* In ''WesternAnimation/RegularShow'', Rigby sets his voicemail message as if he's answering the call, only to yell "PSYCH!" and then tell the caller that he's unavailable.
* In the ''WesternAnimation/RockosModernLife'' episode "Seat to Stardom," Heffer tries calling Rocko's house but gets his answering machine, which the outgoing message starts with Rocko saying "Hello?" as if he were really answering the phone. After a few seconds of silence, he says "This is Rocko," and goes into a typical answering machine greeting, fooling whoever is calling. Later, when Rocko tries calling Heffer back, Heffer intentionally does not answer, resulting in ''his'' answering machine to play an outgoing message: "At the sound of the tone, please leave a message, unless you're a Wedgie Boy and have no time for your friends."
* ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'':
** One episode has Homer and Marge buying a book about trying to invoke this trope, and end up trying to record a message together while reading out of it. It sort of goes without saying, but it ends up being SoUnfunnyItsFunny.
** A season 2 episode has Homer calling Barney for bail, and initially gets an answering machine message sung to the tune of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony.
* The first half of Prima's voicemail message is normal, but the second half is "If you're calling to complain about the Super Duper Sumos, then you've reached Creator/ErnestHemingway, acclaimed author of To Have and Have Not, and...[[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial I have no idea what you're talking about.]]"
* ''WesternAnimation/TUFFPuppy'' episode "Freaky Spy-Day" has Kitty's attempt at making an outgoing.
-->'''Kitty:''' You've reached agent Kitty Katswell. ''(smashing sound)'' Dudley, you broke my lamp! I'm recording my message! Be quiet!\\
'''Dudley:''' The Chief did it!\\
'''Chief:''' I did not!\\
'''Kitty:''' Just leave a message at the beep.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Real Life]]
* During the 1990s, when answering machines came down in price and became more common in American households, several companies released novelty answering machine greetings. Standard comedy skits and parodies of famous characters were used in greetings, in lieu of the standard, "Hello, you've reached AliceAndBob; we're not able to answer now, so please leave a message and we'll call back as soon as possible." Popular for a time, many people soon found the dull-but-tried-and-true greetings worked best and gave the most favorable impression.
* In his column [[http://files.meetup.com/28795/Hell%20and%20Back,%20by%20columnist%20Chris%20Rose.doc Hell and Back]] describing his slide into clinical depression after Hurricane Katrina, Chris Rose wrote:
-->''I changed the message on my phone to say: "This is Chris Rose. I am emotionally unavailable at the moment. Please leave a message."\\
I thought this was hilarious. Most of my friends picked it up as a classic cry for help.''
* Anyone who has worked in a call center likely has many stories of these. Remember when making your voicemail: random strangers asking for money will hear it.
* Baseball great Will Clark had B.B. King's "The Thrill Is Gone" on his answering machine. (He was known as Will "The Thrill" Clark.)
* Vincent Martella has gone on record as having recorded his family's answering machine message in character as [[WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb Phineas Flynn]], which has caused several sound only {{Double Take}}s.
[[/folder]]
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