[[quoteright:313:[[Webcomic/SandraAndWoo http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/t_ask_9693.png]]]]

->''"Some honcho in a cushy office on Earth says go look at a grid reference in the middle of nowhere, we look. They don't say why, and I don't ask. I don't ask because it takes two weeks to get an answer out here and the answer's always 'don't ask.'"''
-->-- '''Film/{{Aliens}}'''

A StockPhrase That comes up in several situations:

# As a response to "How was your day?". Used this way, it implies that it's been a very bad day indeed.
# As a response to "How did ''that'' happen?". Used this way, it implies ItsALongStory.
# As a response to "How do ''you'' know that?". Used this way, it implies a more detailed answer would provide TooMuchInformation.
# Before anybody could even ask when they see the character in something awkward.

Sometimes the statement is made preemptively, before the other person can even ask a question. Usually used to avoid recapping events the audience has already witnessed, or used to set up a NoodleIncident.

Has nothing to do with the now defunct military regulation called [[GetBackInTheCloset Don't Ask Don't Tell]] [[note]]which also included "Don't Harass Don't Pursue[[/note]].

See also YouDoNotWantToKnow.



* ''Arabesque''
-->'''Yasmin Azir''': This is like a recurring dream I used to have.
-->'''David Pollock''': How did it end?
-->'''Yasmin Azir''': Don't ask!
* ''Film/AsGoodAsItGets''
-->'''Carol Connelly''': How are you?
-->'''Simon Bishop''': Don't ask.
* ''Film/{{Heat}}''
-->'''Nate''': What happened out there?
-->'''Neil [=McCauley=]''': Don't ask.
* ''{{Film/Outlander}}''
-->'''Wulfric''': This is where your ship went down?
-->'''Kainan''': That's right.
-->'''Wulfric''': In a lake?
-->'''Kainan''': Don't ask.
* ''Film/TheGreatEscape''
-->[Materials being used for escape clothes]
-->'''Bartlett''': Where in God's name did you get these?
-->'''Griffith''': Hendley.
-->'''Bartlett''': Well, where did he get them?
-->'''Griffith''': Well, I asked him that.
-->'''Bartlett''': What did he say?
-->'''Griffith''': "Don't ask."
* ''WesternAnimation/TheSecretOfNimh''
-->'''Teresa''': What are you doing here?
-->'''Jeremy''': Good question, but don't ask.
* ''Trouble Man''
-->'''Mr. T''': What's happenin', Willy?
-->'''Willy''': Don't ask. Also don't have daughters who marry schmuck husbands.
* ''Film/MurderByDeath''
-->'''Milo Perrier''': ''(Bursts into the room wearing the dead butler's clothing)'' Don't ask me!
-->'''Dick Charleston''': What ''are'' you doing in the butler's uniform?
-->'''Milo Perrier''': I said don't ask me! I don't know. It all happened too quickly!
* From ''Film/LegallyBlonde'':
-->''(Emmett staring at Elle as she stands in line to buy a computer, wearing a Playboy bunny outfit)''
-->'''Elle''': Don't ask.
-->'''Emmett''': Wasn't gonna.
* From ''Film/CharliesAngels''
-->''(After Dylan arrives in a small motorcycle and clothes obviously too small for her)''
-->'''Dylan''': ''(to Natalie and Alex)'' Don't ask.
* ''Film/TomorrowNeverDies''
-->'''James Bond:''' ''[While in bed with his Scandinavian language tutor, and on the phone with Moneypenny]'' I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.
-->'''Moneypenny:''' You always were a [[DoubleEntendre cunning linguist]], James.
-->'''Moneypenny:''' ''[M walks up from behind Moneypenny]'' Don't ask.
-->'''M:''' Don't tell.

* ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheOrderOfThePhoenix''
-->'''Luna''': (''regarding her father'') He's always saying he'd believe anything of Fudge; I mean, the number of goblins Fudge has had assassinated! And of course, he uses the Department of Mysteries to develop terrible poisons, which he secretly feeds to anybody who disagrees with him. And then there's his Umgubular Slashkilter —
-->'''Harry''': (''to Cho Chang'') Don't ask.
** Madam Pomfrey seems to know not to ask. In all her years at Hogwarts, she probably has seen a fair share of students with injuries that are the result of things students shouldn't be doing. Just looks at Ron's dragon bite, and there's no way that she bought Ron's story that a dog bit him. Also, given her status as a healer, it's very likely she knew Hermione had a mishap with Polyjuice Potion. There might be a good reason for this. If these students were reluctant to go to Madam Pomfrey for fear that their rule-breaking would be found out, they would be likely to leave their injuries untreated; [[TruthInTelevision real world patient privacy laws exist for precisely this reason]]. Could also be a case of [[YouDontWantToKnow I Don't Want To Know.]]
* In ''Discworld/GoingPostal'' the Post Office has a long list of things not to ask about, [[ApronMatron Mrs Cake]] is featured three times. Later when a Golem that used to work in a messenger service for an ancient empire is hired it turns out that the ancients also had a very similar list. The Goddess C'zol appears multiple times. Naturally [[EmbarrassingFirstName Moist]] finds himself asking, only to be told "Do Not Ask!".
* In the first ''Literature/WarriorCats'' book, Firepaw jumps into a cold stream to wash mouse bile off his paws after using it to help clear the elders' ticks. Graypaw and Ravenpaw show up and stare at him like he's crazy, so he says, "Mouse bile. Don't ask."

* ''Series/TheAdventuresOfYoungIndianaJones''
** "Daredevils of the Desert"
-->'''Indiana Jones''': What happened? How did you get away from those Arabs?
-->'''Maya''': Don't ask.
** "Palestine, October 1917"
-->'''Indiana Jones''': Where have you been?
-->'''Rashid''': Don't ask. Next time, you play the dead man!
* ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'' episode "Wrecked"
-->'''Willow''': Magic wasn't all great. I won't miss the nosebleeds and the headaches and stuff.
-->'''Buffy''': There you go.
-->'''Willow''': Or keeping stinky yak cheese in my bra. Don't ask.
* ''Series/BreakingBad'', episode "Bug":
-->''[Mike and Jesse show up at the superlab with the body of a Gus Fring henchman who got sniped to death by Gaff, the cartel's buttonman]''
-->'''Walter White:''' Should I even ask?
-->'''Mike Ehrmantraut:''' I wouldn't.
-->'''Walter White:''' So, what? Is this going to be a regular thing now? Meth cooking and corpse disposal? Jesus...
-->'''Mike Ehrmantraut:''' Just grab us a spare barrel, Walter.
-->'''Walter White:''' What was it this time? What did this poor bastard do to piss off Gus? Or did Gus just need to send another message?
-->'''Mike Ehrmantraut:''' Shut your mouth. You shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you. I don't want you talking to me or Jesse. Just get the barrel. And if you ever plan on calling the cops on one of my guys again, you go ahead and get two barrels.

* ''Series/{{Castle}}'' episode "Home Is Where the Heart Stops"
-->'''Kate Beckett''': ''[shows her badge while wearing a slinky dress at the fancy charity ball]''
-->'''Richard Castle''': Where was the badge?
-->'''Kate Beckett''': [[VictoriasSecretCompartment Don't ask.]]
* ''Series/{{Farscape}}'' episode "I Shrink Therefore I Am"
-->'''Rygel''': There's a wrinkled old woman floating outside the forward portal.
-->'''John Crichton''': Whoa. Gigantic oops. [to D'Argo] Can you do me a favor? Pop outside the tier three treblin side hatch and haul Granny in.
-->'''D'Argo''': Noranti is outside?
-->'''John Crichton''': Yeah. Don't ask.
* ''Series/JustShootMe'' episode "La Cage"
-->'''Elliot [=DiMauro=]''': Nina, I told you I'd never work with Nikki Ellston.
-->'''Nina Van Horn''': I thought you said Mickey Rooney.
-->'''Elliot [=DiMauro=]''': Why would I say Mickey Rooney?
-->'''Nina Van Horn''': Oh, that's right. ''I'' won't work with Mickey Rooney. Don't ask.
* ''Series/LawAndOrderSpecialVictimsUnit'' episode "Taken"
-->'''Detective Tutuola''': He lives at 1634 Broadway.
-->'''Detective Munch''': Not unless he's one of the nuts lobbying for yet another extension of "Cats". That's the Winter Garden Theatre. ''[Fin gives Munch a look]'' Don't ask.
* ''Series/MalcolmInTheMiddle''
-->'''Doctor''': ''[after Dewey's stomach is pumped]'' We didn't find any candles, but we did find some marbles. And the waistband to a pair of underpants.
-->'''Dewey''': Don't ask.
* In ''Series/{{Monk}}'':
** In the episode "Mr. Monk Goes to Vegas", Monk's instruction to Natalie when she walks in to see Stottlemeyer singing a karaoke version of "Ain't No Sunshine".
** In "Mr. Monk and the Captain's Wife," Leland quietly says this to the garbagemen when they discover Monk is throwing away water in a garbage bag.
* ''Series/{{NCIS}}'' episode "Silver War"
-->''([[PerkyGoth Abby]] hugs Bert, the stuffed hippo that farts)''
-->'''Tony''': ''(to Ziva)'' Don't ask.
* ''Series/{{Skins}}'' episode "Sid"
-->'''Chris Miles''': Last night, man. Cool. Total blast. Everything you could ever want from an evening. Songs, choir girls, colourful costumes, [[BreadEggsMilkSquick fellatio]], rabbits...
-->'''Maxxie''': Rabbits?
-->'''Chris Miles''': Don't ask, man.
* ''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'' episode "In the Cards"
-->'''Giger''': Where's the hydrosaline solution?
-->'''Jake Sisko''': [[ChainOfDeals We should have it soon. Nog just got the bear]]...Don't ask.
** And in the episode "Badda-Bing, Badda-Bang," after [[ButtMonkey O'Brien]] comes back from being [[ItMakesSenseInContext strip-searched]]:
--> '''Bashir:''' Where have you been?\\
'''O'Brien:''' I ''don't'' want to talk about it.
* In ''Series/TheGoodies'', Graeme has fallen into a hole where he decides to do some archaeology. He deduces that when he calls up to the surface to Bill and Tim there is a seven second delay, causing this exchange:
-->'''Graeme:''' (''to himself'') Let's see, I could do with my archaeology kit and...oh, a bite to eat. (''to above, loudly'') Yeah, chuck us down my old tweed suit. Oh, uh...a couple of doughnuts.
-->'''Bill:''' (''into the hole'') Do you want anything to eat?
-->'''Graeme:''' (''delayed'') Yeah, chuck us down my old tweed suit.
-->'''Tim:''' Anything to wear?
-->'''Graeme:''' (''delayed'') Oh, uh...a couple of doughnuts.
-->'''Bill:''' (''to Tim'') Where's...where's he gonna wear ''them?''
-->'''Tim:''' Never mind!
* The Cat says this to the others in the ''Series/RedDwarf'' episode "Backwards", having just found out what going to the loo [[AssShove in reverse]] is like.
* ''Series/TheProfessionals''. Bodie trolls Doyle with this trope in "Hunter/Hunted"
-->'''Bodie:''' [[DoubleEntendre How did you get on last night?]] ''(Doyle gives him a DisapprovingLook)'' Well [[ExactWords don't ask me]], will you? Heh? How ''I'' got on last night?
-->'''Doyle:''' ''(wearily)'' How did you get on last night?
-->'''Bodie:''' Don't ask.


* "Poor Poor Pitiful Me" by Music/WarrenZevon, third verse:
-->''I met a girl at the Rainbow Bar''
-->''She asked me if I'd beat her''
-->''She took me back to the Hyatt House....''
-->[spoken] I don't wanna talk about it...

* ''VideoGame/DestroyAllHumans 2''
-->'''Crypto''': This gas is noxious. Smells like Pox's underwear. Don't ask me how I know that.

* ''Machinima/RedVsBlue: The Blood Gulch Chronicles'' episode "Have We Met?"
-->''[Snip description of bizarre events involving time travel and a rocket launcher]''
-->'''Church''': ''[to yellow Church]'' Well, what did you do?
-->'''Church''': Dude, don't ask. Trust me, it - it didn't work.
** Said again in [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RKa9ao2wqI Donut: The Musical.]]
-->'''Donut''' ''[Singing]'' You are in for a surprise when you look into my eyes, you won't be able to deny my ga--- ze!
-->'''Sarge''' Wait a minute Donut, your what?
-->'''Donut''' Come on, Sarge! You can't deny my deep, penetrating... eye contact! My gaze! What did you think I said?
-->'''Sarge''' ...Don't ask.
-->'''Donut''' Don't tell!

* Used verbatim in its 4th form in ''Webcomic/LaserFeet'''s [[http://www.thelaserfeet.com/comic/017/ 17th]] comic.
* Said by Susan to Jerry in ''Webcomic/ElGoonishShive'' after a somewhat lengthy CallBack, [[http://egscomics.com/?date=2010-07-21 here.]]
* In ''Webcomic/BramAndVlad'', there is [[http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/Bram_and_Vlad/5496042/ a strip with this title]] about Vlad (literally) hanging on the ceiling of Bram's house, holding Bram's math notebook. No context is provided or asked. [[http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/Bram_and_Vlad/5472592/ In another strip]], while this trope is not mentioned verbatim, it is silently implied by Bram when Bessie asks about the Van Helsings' eye jar. Which is [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin a jar full of eyes]].

* WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic, at the end of his review of [[spoiler:''Casper'']]
** It's exactly at the end of the video. [[spoiler:As he is exiting from the GMX expo. In a Ghostbuster suit. And he is completely soaked. Don't Ask.]]

* ''WesternAnimation/OneHundredAndOneDalmatiansTheSeries''
-->'''Rolly''': What things could a chicken possibly want?
-->'''Lucky''': Don't ask.
* ''WesternAnimation/TransformersAnimated''
-->'''[[TheStarscream Starscream]]''': So, which [[LiteralSplitPersonality part of me]] did ''you'' come from?
-->'''[[OppositeSexClone Slipstream]]''': [[YouDoNotWantToKnow Don't ask.]]
* ''WesternAnimation/MadagascarEscape2Africa''
-->'''Elephant (with trunk tied in a knot)''': Don't ask.
-->'''Melman''': Ha, [[GullibleLemmings someone's]] [[DeadpanSnarker been]] [[IncrediblyLamePun knotty]].
* ''WesternAnimation/{{Recess}}''
-->'''T.J.''': My older brother used to play on Old Rusty.
-->'''Spinelli''': My mom used to play on Old Rusty!
-->'''Mikey''': Heck, my Uncle Mary used to play on Old Rusty!
-->'''Vince''': Your Uncle ''Mary''?
-->'''Gretchen''': [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar Don't ask.]]
* In the WesternAnimation/DangerMouse episode "Turn Of The Tide," D.M. and Penfold are on the moon trying to find the cause of earth's oceans flooding land masses. They meet Keith, an alien who manages a junk shop there and they find the crater of Copernicus is jammed with wrecked space vehicles:
-->'''D.M.''' It's all this mass! There's too much heavy metal!
-->'''Penfold:''' Yes, too much heavy metal is enough to make anyone go barmy. I'm into electric boogaloo.
-->'''Keith:''' What's he on about, mate?
-->'''D.M.:''' Don't ask. Please. Don't ask!
* In [[WesternAnimation/{{YoungJustice}} Young Justice: Invasion]], Tye Longshadow question about Blue Beet (Jaime) he was able to talk to Asami in Japanese.
-->'''Tye:''' Dude, you speak Japanese?
-->'''Jaime:''' Scarab translate, don't ask.
* In ''WesternAnimation/{{Archer}}'' the Italian prime minister is found shot dead in Malory's apartment, which happened during a sex play, that involved him in a full-body latex suit and with a dildo up his ass. Only Archer and Lana gets this story, before the rest of the ISIS staff is called in to depose of the body.
-->'''Ray:''' Speaking of, why the hell is the Italian Prime Minister here?\\
'''Archer & Lana:''' Don't ask.\\
'''Malory:''' Oh God, that reminds me— Kreiger!\\
'''Kreiger:''' Yeah, I found it.\\
'''Cyril:''' What?\\
'''Archer & Lana:''' ''Don't ask!''\\
'''Kreiger:''' Can I keep it?\\
'''Cheryl:''' Keep what?\\
'''Archer & Lana:''' '''''DON'T ASK!'''''
* One of Santa's reindeer says this in ''The Story of Santa Claus'', when a bird sees them flying and starts flapping in place with a shocked look.
* ''WesternAnimation/DextersLaboratory'':
** In "Sister Mom", Dexter and "Mom" (a disguised Dee Dee) attend a conference with the school principal. When the principal's secretary calls them into the office, "Mom" joyously dances around singing "Dexter is in trouble!"; Dex shoots the secretary a sideways glance and says "Don't ask!" in a flat, annoyed tone of voice.
** In "Dexter's Debt", Dexter's Dad asks the mailman about his day. The mailman tells Dexter's Dad not to ask and Dexter's Dad says it's too late because he already did.
* In the ''WesternAnimation/AdventuresOfSonicTheHedgehog'' episode, "Tails Prevails", Sonic is on his way to rescue Tails from Dr. Robotnik (disguised as Professor Von Schlemmer), and gets into The Professor's lair through the sewer system. When he comes out of the bathroom door, [[{{Squick}} covered in green slime]], he [[BreakingTheFourthWall says to the viewers]], "Don't even ask."
* The ''Disney/{{Frozen}}'' short ''Disney/FrozenFever'' ends with Kristoff saying this [[spoiler:as he brings dozens of tiny snowmen that were created each time Elsa sneezed to the ice palace]].