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->''"I don't look like my Mommy ''or'' my Daddy. I look like the mailman."''
-->-- '''Interviewee''', ''Series/KidsSayTheDarndestThings''
%% One quote is enough on the main page. Additional quotes can be put to the quote tab. Keep it neat and simple.

A woman cheats on her husband with the milkman, or some other man who visits her home on a regular basis while hubby is at work. The image of the slutty milkman was very popular in older works, and persists even though in many places milk has not been delivered to people's homes in decades, as has more households having both spouses possess jobs outside the home for most of the day.

Although there were some TruthInTelevision incidents of this, it is less based on them than it is [[AdultFear the general fear of a person's spouse cheating on them while they're away at work]], especially if it's with someone who comes straight to the door (well, in most cases). As few milkmen are still working, it is more common nowadays for the wife to cheat with a deliveryman (the mailman, UPS, Fedex, etc.), some kind of repairman (plumber, electrician, cable guy, etc.), or some other service provider that has to regularly be physically present in the house, such as a pool-cleaner. One that dates from an earlier period is the iceman (the person who delivered ice door-to-door, mostly for use in old-fashioned [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Icebox iceboxes]]).

A variant is for this to be the reveal of a WhosYourDaddy plot. If this relationship produces a child who clearly does not resemble the wife's legal husband it's a case of ChocolateBaby.

See also {{Cuckold}} and PizzaBoySpecialDelivery for when it's just a random one-off fling with a delivery guy rather than an ongoing affair.



* "If wifie shuns / your fond embrace / don't shoot the iceman / feel your face / Advertising/BurmaShave"
* Invoked in "Liquid Plumr" commercials: two plumbers show up at the house (one with a pipe-snake, and another with a liquid unclogger), speaking in seductive voices... and they ''literally'' unclog the woman's pipes.
* A very overt version - coupled with MamasBabyPapasMaybe - [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2dqZatdSQA for Klondike bars]], of all things.

* ''ComicBook/RedEars'': Various strips feature scenarios where housewives cheat with the milkman, the mailman, etc. Possibly the [[ExaggeratedTrope most over-the-top one]] was where a husband who just departed for work started fearing this outcome when he saw the plumber pull up. He drives back home and finds out that there's a ''line'' in front of his house.

* Comedian Gary Gulman has a routine where he complains about how [[NeverHeardThatOneBefore every time]] someone finds out that he's the only tall guy in his family, they say, "How tall is the milkman?" -- to which he first [[SarcasmMode thanks them for calling his mother a whore]], then points out that milkmen don't even exist in most places any more, listing other defunct professionals his mother might have had an affair with, such as the chimney sweep and the town crier.
-->''"...And the muffin man. Do you know the muffin man?"''
* On ''The Album of the Soundtrack of the Trailer of the Film of Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail'', a logician complains about various logical errors in the film, following multiple tangents to a rant about his wife's affair with the milkman. (It's not on the actual soundtrack of the film, which is why this example isn't under "Film".)
* Several Creator/RodneyDangerfield jokes were about his wife cheating and having kids with the mailman or butcher.

[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
* In ''Film/BigFish'', Edward describes how he had dreams which predicted the deaths of his family members just before they happened. Eventually, a dream told him his father would die. After being told this, his father became increasingly paranoid over the next few days. Then the milkman died.
-->'''Edward:''' [[DontExplainTheJoke Because, you see, my mother was banging the milkman]].
* Pool boy? Well, ''Film/LegallyBlonde'' has a subversion of that -- the guy turns out to be gay, and his employer genuinely wasn't interested in him, she just wanted some eye-candy while working on her tan (hence his skimpy "uniform").
* In ''Film/MulhollandDrive'', Adam Kesher comes home to find his wife in bed with the pool boy (Billy Ray Cyrus!). To add injury to insult, the poolboy is angry that Adam interrupted their sex, and beats him up and throws him out of '''his own house.'''
* In ''Film/{{Chicago}}'', one of the Merry Murderesses tells the story of her husband accusing her of cheating with the milkman, then she says, "He ran into my knife ten times."
* In ''Film/WhatsEatingGilbertGrape'', the title character is having an affair with one of the housewives he delivers groceries to.
* In the sci-fi comedy ''Film/RealMen'', when the CIA agent (Creator/JamesBelushi) first meets the meek insurance salesman (Creator/JohnRitter) he's supposed to recruit, he looks in his fridge and immediately deduces that the salesman's wife is sleeping with the milkman. At the end of the film, the much braver salesman punches out the milkman, as he's entering the door.
* Replace "milkman" with "window cleaner" and you have the main plot of the first ''[[AwfulBritishSexComedy Confessions]]'' film.
* Replace "milkman" with "plumber's mate" and you have the main plot of the first ''Adventures of...'' film.
* In fact, replace "milkman" with practically any blue-collar job that might plausibly send a strapping young man into the homes of bored suburban housewives and you have the main plot of at least one AwfulBritishSexComedy.
* Dr. Feinstone in ''Film/TheDentist'' finds out that his wife is cheating on him with the poolman. Results are not pretty.
* Satirized in ''Logjammin!'', the porno featuring "Bunny" (Tara Reid) in ''Film/TheBigLebowski'', with a cable repair technician in the milkman role.
* In ''Film/IrreconcilableDifferences'', Albert's girlfriend [[GoldDigger Blake Chandler]] eventually leaves him for the limo driver.

* A man and his wife are in the hospital, the wife is due to give birth. The doctor offers a new technology which transfers pain to the baby's father instead of the mother. The husband is willing to do anything to help, so he is set up with the device. They set it to 50%, and the wife feels only half the pain -- the husband said he felt nothing. They set it to 75%, and the wife feels only a quarter of the pain -- the husband again feels nothing. Finally they set it for 100% -- the wife has a completely pain-free delivery of a healthy child, and the husband never felt a thing. The wife is in such good condition from this that she needs no recovery and they are sent home that same day with their newborn... only to find the mailman dead on the front porch.
* Old joke: The man who owns the town drug store notices that the milkman is buying condoms from him every day. Confused, he orders his stockboy to follow him to see what he's up to. The stockboy comes back howling with laughter.
-->'''Owner:''' What's so funny? Where'd he go?\\
'''Stockboy:''' Your house.
* A young boy stumbled across the perfect phrase to extort adults -- "[[ParanoiaFuel I know your secret.]]" By saying those words, he'd gotten a puppy from his father, a new bike from his mother, and a few candybars from the convenience store owner. On a whim, he said it to the milkman, who embraced the child while exclaiming, ''[[LukeIAmYourFather "Son!"]]''
* There's the schoolyard-esque taunt, "I'd be your father, but the mailman beat me up the stairs." Or "[[VideoGame/HaloCombatEvolved ...but the dog beat me over the fence.]]"
* A man hears his daughter says her prayers "Bless Mommy, bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The next day, Grandma dies. Another day she includes "Goodbye Grandpa" and sure enough, he dies too. Then one day she says "Goodbye Daddy," and the next day the man goes to work terrified, being super-cautious all day. He gets home fine and his wife says "You wouldn't believe the day I had -- the milkman dropped dead right on our doorstep!" (Alternatively, the body could still be there when the man arrives.)
* The supervisor of a construction site leaves the site every day at 11am and returns at 1pm. Because of this, the workers start taking advantage of this with a longer lunch break. One day one of the workers decides to go home for a little nookie with his wife, but when he opens the bedroom door he finds the supervisor having sex with his wife! The guy backs out slowly and returns to work. The next day the supervisor leaves at the normal time and when the workers all leave the guy stays on the job. When asked why he isn't coming the guy says "[[ComicallyMissingThePoint No way - I almost got caught yesterday!]]"

* Referenced in ''Literature/NumberTheStars:'' Jewish Ellen pretends to be part of the Johansen family when the Nazis come searching for her. One of the Nazis notes her dark hair in the otherwise blonde family and sarcastically asks if they got her from the milkman.
* In Creator/StephenKing's short story, ''Big Wheels: A Tale of the Laundry Game'' (collected in the anthology ''Skeleton Crew'') the wife of Rocky, the protagonist left him for the milkman. Even to Rocky, who is a laundry worker, and never reads anything aside from bubble gum comics, this situation has "sonorous classical overtones".
* In the [[LotusEaterMachine Better Than Life]] sequence in ''Literature/RedDwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers''; Rimmer's so screwed up that his "perfect woman" is someone who hates him and has a relationship with the pool boy.
* Poet Wendy Cope wrote a villanelle called "Reading Scheme", in which kids from the ''Literature/DickAndJane'' books observe that "The milkman likes Mummy. She likes them all." Then comes Daddy and his shotgun...
* The {{anvilicious}} and conservative Mexican novel ''[[Literature/YouthInSexualEcstasy Juventud en Extásis]]'' [[{{Narm}} plays this trope for drama]] in the part in which the protagonist's mother tells him about their past: When he was a newborn baby and his father was away on a trip she started an affair with an electric appliance repairman. Later she divorced the protagonist's father and married the repairman, who turned out to be an alcoholic, wife-beating child abuser.

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* ''Divorce Court'' -- at least with the scripted 1957-1969 version, likely early in the series' run, this was used as a plot line at least once. Whether it was just a standard case of a woman looking for more excitement, thinking she could get away with it, or it rose to a more serious issue of the husband's health issues will likely never be known as many of the 1950s-1960s run has been erased.
* Played with as early as the first season of ''Series/HappyDays'':
-->'''Joanie:''' Do you have a best friend, Daddy?\\
'''Mr. Cunningham:''' Sure, your mother.\\
'''Joanie:''' Who's your best friend, Mom?\\
'''Mrs. Cunningham:''' The milkman.
* In ''Series/{{CSI}}'' (original series), Warrick finds out over the course of a case that Brass' daughter isn't his biological child.
-->'''Brass:''' Let's just say the milkman did it.
* ''Series/ILoveLucy'' has an episode where a rumor was spread about a neighbor, Grace Foster, having an affair with the milkman while Mr. Foster is away.
* Parodied in ''Series/StrangersWithCandy'': Jerry's mother-in-law cheats on her husband with her meatman [[MeaningfulName Stew]].
* Used in ''Series/{{Blackadder}}''. He's talking about Pitt the Younger's little brother:
-->'''Blackadder:''' Who is that? Pitt the toddler? Pitt the embryo? Pitt the glint in the milkman's eye?
* Parodied in ''Series/HomeImprovement'', where Tim Taylor tells Al that Jill was cheating on him with their supposed milkman as an extremely lame cover story.
* Matt Parkman of ''Series/{{Heroes}}'' suspects his wife is cheating on him with their blond, hunky water delivery man (not without reason, she's cheated on him before). So Matt uses his mental powers to "convince" the man to take a different route.
* In the ''Series/FatherTed'' episode "Speed 3" [[KavorkaMan Pat Mustard's]] stint as the Craggy Island milkman results in a lot of suspiciously hairy babies.
-->'''Dougal:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Maybe the babies are copying his style.]]
* In ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'' part of the HilariouslyAbusiveChildhood of Elliot, Elliot's mom sexes up her pool boys. ''A lot''.
* In an episode of ''Series/TheMentalist'' the victim had been cheating with the pizza guy.
* ''Series/MarriedWithChildren''
** In the episode "At the Zoo", a girl scout wants to sell cookies to Al:
--->'''Girl Scout:''' You can't tell me you're not hungry. My daddy says you eat bugs and dirt.\\
'''Al:''' Well, you go home and tell your daddy you have the mailman's eyes.
** In another episode:
--->'''Neighbor:''' Hey, Bundy! I had steak tonight! What are you having?\\
'''Al:''' If I was the mailman, I'd be having your wife!
** He makes a similar crack in an episode where he's forced to play Santa, telling a little boy, "Tell your Daddy to come home for lunch one day when the UPS guy is there with a special delivery for your Mommy."
* ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000'' riffed on this trope for the 1950s short film, "A Date with your Family:"
-->''Narrator:'' Dad will be home soon. Better tell Mother she's needed in the kitchen...\\
''Servo:'' ...where the postman eagerly awaits.
* Referenced in an episode of ''Series/GoodEats'', of all things. Alton is talking about pasteurization of milk, referring to "the time when we got milk from guys in white suits who went door-to-door"; he opens the door and the milkman turns around... with a handful of flowers. As soon as he sees who he's dealing with, he says "'''Mister''' Brown...", hands AB the milk, and beats a hasty retreat.
* There's an episode of ''Series/TalesFromTheDarkside'' called "The Milkman Cometh", in it a man hears that their neighborhood's milkman is a deformed freak that no one's ever seen, but apparently will grant any wish that you write down and leave with your empty bottles. [[spoiler:This trope comes into play when the guy wishes that his wife will finally have a son. The milkman obliges in the most direct manner possible]]. Cue {{Squick}}.
* Used more than once on ''Series/{{Maury}}'' by men who claim they're not the baby's father. It's almost always disproven.
* In one episode of Brazilian sitcom ''Sai De Baixo'', Magda Antibes was recalling childhood memories and the way she was describing a man made her mother realize she was talking about the milkman. When told about this, Magda mentioned remembering the milkman visiting whenever her father was absent.
* ''Series/ElChavoDelOcho'': Doña Florinda tried to pass a store-bought cake as one she baked by herself. When La Chillindrina decided to tell Professor Jirafales about it, she just told him Doña Florinda was tricking him and that she could ask the baker for confirmation. Professor Jirafales interpreted it another way.
** The "cuernos" (croissants) episode features this. When el Profesor Jirafales isd told that Doña Florinda has some "cuernos" for him, he becomes worried ([[DontExplainTheJoke because in Mexico "poner los cuernos" / putting on the horns, means cheating on someone]]). When El Chavo tells him that she talks to many men, Profesor Jirafales is relived that he meant the butcher, the carpenter, the ice-cream man, but worries again when el Chavo mentions the milkman.
* Parodied in a ''Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus'' sketch, in which a woman (Creator/CarolCleveland) entices the milkman (Creator/MichaelPalin) upstairs... and then locks him up in a room containing several other milkmen, two of whom have long white beards and one of whom is a skeleton.
* One episode of ''Series/MidsomerMurders'' has the delivery boy for a produce store offer... additional services. John Barnaby's wife, on learning about it, expresses disappointment that she only got vegetables.
* Heavily implied in ''Series/{{Victorious}}'' with Mrs. Vega cheating on her husband with his partner. It's more for laughs than anything.
* In ''Series/RedDwarf'', Arnold Rimmer turned out to be the son of the family's dim-witted gardener.
* In ''Series/DesperateHousewives'', Gabrielle's affair with gardener John lasts for many episodes.
* ''Series/LawAndOrderSpecialVictimsUnit''. The supposed VictimOfTheWeek turns out to have been fooling around with her
* Murdo [=McSnood=], one of Russ Abbot's ViolentGlaswegian characters, boasts that he can 'trace his family right back to the milkman'.

* LordMelody's 1956 calypso "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wxs0nBG7qEw The Milkman]]" deals with a milkman having sex with Melody's wife on a daily basis. Melody's son observes it and tells him, which leads to Melody's wife hastily saying that she invited the milkman indoors cause it was raining. However, he doesn't fall for this as she is pregnant: "too much bad milk swell up your belly".
* Implied in the song "I'm your Mailman", where every verse is a double entendre.
-->''I don't mess with keys or locks / I just shove it in your box''
* Referenced in "My Daddy Was a Milkman" by Music/TheKentuckyHeadhunters.
* The theme of [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meri_Wilson Meri Wilson]]'s novelty hit ''Telephone Man'', and also of several follow-up songs, including ''Peter, The Meter Reader''.
* Some application of this trope led to the name of the punk rock band The Dead Milkmen.
* B.B. King's "I Got Some Help I Don't Need" details his suspicions that his wife has been sleeping with, well, just about everyone who comes by their house.
-->''The iceman came by this morning,''
-->''And you know, he didn't leave no ice.''
-->''Postman came by later baby,''
-->''[[ShoutOut And he didn't]] [[Literature/ThePostmanAlwaysRingsTwice even ring twice]]''.

* In ''[[http://gutenberg.net.au/ebooks04/0400021h.html The Iceman Cometh]]'' this joke is repeatedly referenced, but with an iceman instead of a milkman. A few examples:
-->'''Rocky:''' Yeah, some kidder! Remember how he woiks up dat gag about his wife, when he's cockeyed, cryin' over her picture and den springin' it on yuh all of a sudden dat he left her in de hay wid de iceman?\\
'''Chuck:''' And I tells her I'm off de stuff for life. Den she beefs we won't be married a month before I'll trow it in her face she was a tart. "Jees, Baby," I tells her. "Why should I? What de hell yuh tink I tink I'm marryin', a voigin? Why should I kick as long as yuh lay off it and don't do no cheatin' wid de iceman or nobody?"\\
'''Cora:''' Aw, yuh shouldn't make dat iceman crack, Rocky. It's aw right for him to kid about it but--I notice Hickey ain't pulled dat old iceman gag dis time. (excitedly) D'yuh suppose dat he did catch his wife cheatin'? I don't mean wid no iceman, but wid some guy.
* Referenced in the "Cellblock Tango" from ''Theatre/{{Chicago}}'':
-->''[My husband] says, "You been screwin' the milkman?" He kept on screamin', "You've been screwin' the milkman!" And then he ran into my knife. [[TheCoronerDothProtestTooMuch He ran into my knife ten times]].''
* In ''Theatre/StreetScene'', Mrs. Maurrant's affair with Sankey, the collector for the milk company, is a frequent subject of their neighbors' gossip. One hot day, Mr. Maurrant comes home unexpectedly early, catches them together and shoots them both.
* Played with in ''Theatre/ShirleyValentine''. This is how Jane's marriage broke up -- only it wasn't ''Jane'' cheating with the milkman.

[[folder: Web Comic]]
* The second comic of ''WebComic/BlueMilkSpecial'' had Beru cheating on Owen with the Smoking Jawa (er, that is a Jawa who smokes cigarettes) who delivers her blue milk. He later comes across her charred corpse and runs away crying, and in the Patreon-only story ''The Darklighter Chronicles'' vows revenge on the Empire that killed her.

[[folder:Web Original]]
* As seen on [[http://bluntcard.com/launch/584.php a Blunt Card]].
* In the Creator/BaratsAndBereta short ''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTBIHXwSLNE&ob=av3e Milkman vs. Mailman]]'', ''somebody'' wins their FelonyMisdemeanor rivalry.
* In the webcomic ''Webcomic/PokemonX'', it's implied that Brendan gets his hair from Mailman Joe, and that Norman was oblivious to the affair even when his wife ''invited Mailman Joe to the birth''.
* A rare gender flipped example in ''Webcomic/BetterDays'' when Elizabeth comes home early one day and finds her husband sleeping with the head of their homeowner's association. To make it worse, they were trying to have a baby, which, as she drunkenly rants to a friend later, explains why she hasn't been able to get pregnant yet since he's clearly been using it all up on the other woman.

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* Implied in the WesternAnimation/{{Classic Disney Short|s}} ''Father's Day Off''. Goofy is taking his wife's place for the day, so when the milkman comes, he absent-mindedly gives Goof a kiss on the lips. The same thing happens with the grocery guy, and the laundry guy.
* The episode "Insecurity" on ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'' modernizes this trope with the UPS delivery driver, followed by home security system installers, while frequently alluding to the old milkman story.
* Heavily implied in the ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'' episode "A Clockwork Origin." Professor Farnsworth cleanses the water on a barren planet, and says it's "as sterile as my milkman-trusting father."
* Implied as a gay relationship in ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', with this one-off like from Moe: "Ah, my physical pain is gone! Now I can focus on my crippling emotional pain. Oh daddy why, why wouldn't you ever hug me! You hugged the mailman!"
* The original LoveInterest to the main character of ''WesternAnimation/CityHunters'' dumps him because she's been dating her personal trainer and liked him more.
* Discussed in the ''WesternAnimation/RenAndStimpy Adult Party Cartoon '' episode "Stimpy's Pregnant".
-->'''Ren:''' Do you know how many other men tried to impregnate that barren wasteland!? There's the milkman, the mailman, the refrigerator repair man...that Jehovah's Witness bastard!
-->'''Stimpy:''' Don't forget about that Boy Scout troop.
* In 1978 short ''WesternAnimation/SpecialDelivery'', a mailman slips on the ice and dies on Ralph and Alice's porch. After Alice comes home, it's revealed that they once had an affair.

[[folder:Real Life]]
%%% Only add real life examples if they are of particular importance or are widely infamous or such.
* In Spain, the equivalent of the milkman joke is about ''el butanero'', [[http://www.hoy.es/noticias/200812/08/Media/butanero.jpg the man that delivers liquified gas in a metal cylinder]]. Those cylinders are quite heavy, and since the guy is expected to carry and deliver them in person (even if the house is on the top floor of a building with an elevator) it's understandable why he's de facto considered to be taller, stronger and manlier than any other professional. It's also quickly becoming a DeadHorseTrope now, as electric heating and stoves are replacing natural gas (plus many places retaining gas heat and stoves are getting gas ''lines'', obviating the need for cylinders).
* According to the "canon" of [[ParodyReligion The Church of the SubGenius]], J.R. "Bob" Dobbs' father was either Xinucha-Chi-Xan M. Dobbs or an itinerant mailman.
* Creator/GeorgeLucas' wife Marcia cheated on him with the contractor who was installing the windows at Skywalker Ranch. When George found out, he promptly had all the windows replaced.
* In 1925, American housewife Ruth Snyder began an affair with Henry Judd Gray, a door-to-door corset salesman. She fraudulently took out a large insurance policy on her husband Albert in collusion with their insurance agent and postman, who would ring the bell twice when delivering an insurance statement so that she could collect it in secret. In 1927, Snyder and her lover successfully murdered her husband in a staged burglary after ''seven'' failed attempts, but their ruse was soon found out and they were arrested, tried, sentenced to death, and executed by electric chair. The story is the inspiration for the noir film ''Film/DoubleIndemnity'', its loose remake ''Film/BodyHeat'', and the title of the novel ''Literature/ThePostmanAlwaysRingsTwice'' (and [[Film/ThePostmanAlwaysRingsTwice1946 both film]] [[ThePostmanAlwaysRingsTwice1981 adaptations]]) is a reference to the infamous case.
* One profession in which affairs with the clients (whether male or female) are very common is personal trainers, due to chemical[[note]]training makes one release oxytocin AKA the "love hormone", endorphines which make one feel relaxed and happy and can even dull pain, emotions which make one be far more sexually receptive when felt, and pheromones which increase one's attractiveness to others[[/note]], emotional[[note]]when a client goes training they're usually unkempt and the trainer accepts them that way; trainers are there to pep you up and compliment you in order to encourage you to exercise; many people who go exercise at first have confidence issues but later regain it; much of what personal trainers do is actually a form of informal therapy - talking with the clients about personal problems they tell the trainers[[/note]] and (duh) physical [[note]]trainers are {{hunk}}s; trainers and clients are physically very close to one another during their sessions[[/note]] aspects. Many clients actually end their pre-training relationships to move on with their trainers. [[LoveDodecahedron And there's also trainers two-timing on their significant others and their two-timing clients with other two-timing clients...]] let's just say they [[ReallyGetsAround really get around]].