->''Then I was Princess Anne's assistant for a while, but I chucked that in because it was obvious they were never going to make me Princess Anne.''
->-- ''ABitOfFryAndLaurie''

->''It's separation of patriotism and politics and I cannot commend it to you enough.''
->-- '''mapoftasmania''', when asked [[http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/b9ojs/british_redditors_why_do_you_guys_still_have/c0lncfo "Why do you guys still have royalty?"]]

Head of State of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland (and much of TheCommonwealth), the current monarch, [[HMTheQueen Queen Elizabeth II]] presides over a family that can, quite charitably, be described as a mix of apparently competent individuals, complete chuckleheads, and tabloid fodder. Fortunately for all concerned it was determined whether true power should rest with the monarchy or an elected parliament in 1649 when Charles I abruptly lost about 12 inches in height. Above his shoulders. This rather emphatic statement officially authorized the trend in which the King (or Queen) gradually lost to Parliament and the head of Government, the Prime Minister, and was finally accepted as pretty much fact in 1688 when Parliament ''invited'' William III of Orange and his wife Mary to invade England and seize the throne from the rather unpopular (and Catholic, pretty much the same thing at the time) James II.

Although now a figurehead and seen as generally useless in terms of running the country, there has been no real effort to abolish the monarchy in the United Kingdom, despite mumblings of it. Everyone loves the pomp and ceremony and the fact that they really can't do anything to hurt the nation (except perhaps cause embarrassing sex scandals) means there isn't a rush to get rid of them. Also, the monarchy is such a huge employer in the UK, and draws so much tourism to the country, that its abolition would likely have a major negative impact on the UK economy. (CGPGrey [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhyYgnhhKFw explains in detail]].)

Some Commonwealth countries, who don't even get a say over who their Head of State is, consider it a small price in exchange for having all the pageantry (and amusing antics) that someone else is paying for. Nevertheless, republicanism is stronger in the former colonies. As of 2012, the most recent Realm considering a transition to an elected, home-grown head of state is UsefulNotes/{{Jamaica}}; there is some debate there, however, as not everyone is convinced that the move is necessary or feasible (for instance, changing all the references to the Queen in all the government buildings would cost a substantial proportion of the poor country's already-tight budget). Many other countries, such as UsefulNotes/{{Ireland}} and UsefulNotes/{{Mauritius}}, have already broken away from the British-born monarchy. Canada, however, (at least outside maverick Quebec) is in no apparent hurry to lose the monarchy, which exists as the Royal Family of Canada in that nation - technically a separate monarchy to the UK despite being made up of exactly the same individuals. Don't think about it too hard.

For the UK, their net worth is only £600 Million, most of which comes from stuff like paintings and other things that would go to the National Trust and would have no other real benefit to the public other than there being more boring museums to drag your kids to. These things are open most of the time anyway and there is more of a tourist draw with the Royals being around rather than getting rid of them. They also have developed a strong commitment to being RoyalsWhoActuallyDoSomething, with the men usually joining the military (and then, usually, some sort of private-sector job) and the women finding some sort of cause or employment.

See also: TheHouseOfWindsor, HMTheQueen

Although a large and sprawling family, the current membership of the House of Mountbatten-Windsor is generally considered to refer mainly to:

'''[[HMTheQueen Queen Elizabeth II]]'''. Affectionately referred to as "Aunty Liz". Very dignified, dedicated, hardworking and by all accounts possessing an incredibly funny sense of humour in private, Liz is pretty much the ideal of the constitutional monarch, her sense of responsibility formed by the example of her parents in WorldWarTwo. Crowned in 1952 at the age of 26, she's been on the throne for 60 years and gives every indication that she'll pass Victoria's record of 63 years as monarch. As EddieIzzard said, "I am the queeeen...I live foreveeeeer!"

Is also very much [[MajorGeneralSong the model of]] a CoolOldLady. She is apparently quite the DeadpanSnarker, and also a fan of ''Series/DoctorWho''. She's also a bit of a technophile - televising her coronation was her idea. More recently, there was a serious flap when President Barack Obama gave her a iPod on her first official visit; she later clarified that she specifically ''asked'' for it, as her old one was out of date. She is an accomplished equestrian, and rode sidesaddle during every Trooping the Colour ceremony until 1986, when [[CoolHorse her mare Burmese]] was retired. She is also the first, and so far only, female royal to hold military rank in her own right; she joined the Women's Auxiliaries during the war as a [[WrenchWench mechanic]] and rose to the rank of Junior Commander. However, ignoring all of the above, her CoolOldLady status was solidified when she co-starred with JamesBond in the opening ceremonies of the 2012 Olympics.

'''Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh'''. Married Elizabeth in 1947. Considered a bit of a conservative git with rather dated views on racial issues, thanks to a raging case of foot-in-mouth disease that has resisted treatment for decades. Served as a naval officer in WorldWarTwo on the Allied side and, despite being primarily of German descent, is a member of the former Greek royal family (which in turn is a junior branch of the Danish royal family). He was recently called a German Nazi by Mohammed Al-Fayed in one of the stranger moments of the very strange Diana inquest. Due to his Greek descent is sometimes referred to as "Phil The Greek". Apparently, he is [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_Philip_Movement worshipped as god]] by inhabitants of some Pacific islands. Despite, or possibly because of, his regular foot-in-mouth episodes (and thus his being viewed as reliable entertainment by the general public), he has a reputation for being hardworking (he created the Duke of Edinburgh award among other things) and well meaning despite being older than ChristopherLee at 91, and he is rather well liked.

'''Prince Charles, Prince of Wales'''. The heir apparent, perhaps best known as being the husband of the deceased Diana, he's also gained a reputation as an environmentalist and perhaps a bit nutty and New-Agey. The talking to plants thing doesn't help. Has rather large ears.

The public isn't really looking forward to his accession, with occasional but insignificant mumblings they should skip him and go straight to William, although in recent months his popularity has gradually improved, especially after his rather touching speech at the close of the Queen's Diamond Jubilee concert. When ''TheVicarOfDibley'' finished up, Richard Curtis didn't want to strike the sets, saying (rather presumptuously) that "Britain might need some cheering up when Charles becomes king." Charles himself, however, is known to have quite the sense of humour and is fond of British comedy, notably being the highest ranking fan of Creator/MontyPython in the world. He and Camilla have seen their image undergo a positive change in the last few years thanks to the "Will and Kate Effect."

'''Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall'''. Formerly Camilla Parker-Bowles (née Shand), she was the long-term mistress of Prince Charlie before finally marrying him. Having married Charles, she is technically the Princess of Wales, but chose not to use the title, out of respect for Diana (and the backlash it would have caused). There is a strong feeling by many that she shouldn't become the Queen Consort; in all likelihood, she will become Queen Consort in law, but never use the title in deference to public opinion (the official word right now is that her title will be "Princess Consort".) Apparently, this is also her idea. She does her job without any fuss and never upstages Charles. Actually reported to be a very nice person who doesn't deserve the vitriol spewed her way; unfortunately, the circumstances surrounding their marriage [[YokoOhNo blight]] the public's opinion of her, although once again the Will and Kate effect, coupled with some positive press during recent 60th Jubilee celebrations, has helped improve her image somewhat. She is incredibly devoted to her charity work, a considerable amount of which focuses on animal welfare.

'''Princess Anne, the Princess Royal'''. Currently on her second marriage, Anne was the tabloid target for her antics before Diana was on the scene. Since then, "Princess Sourpuss" has mellowed considerably and has become a rather popular royal due to her constant presence waving the flag for the family. Still has a face like a horse. Speaking of horses, she used to be a rather good show rider and competed in the Olympics in 1976. Zara Phillips is now filling her shoes in this respect and won Olympic silver in 2012. She was almost kidnapped & killed when a man forced himself into her car and said he was going to hold her hostage (saying "I want you to come with me for a day or two, because I want two million. Will you get out of the car?"). Her response to this was to [[BadassPrincess reply in her most acidic tone of voice (which is very acidic indeed) "Not bloody likely - and I haven't got two million."]] Contrary to popular opinion, she did not punch her attacker in the face, reasoning that "I nearly lost my temper with him, but I knew that if I did, I should hit him and he would shoot me."

'''Prince Andrew, Duke of York'''. Flew helicopters in the Royal Navy, served in combat in the Falklands War, and had his own share of tabloid trouble thanks to his marriage and divorce of Sarah Ferguson. Sadly for those looking for scandal, the separation and divorce was amicable, the two are apparently still friends (and actually live beside each other), and share custody of the two daughters, Beatrice and Eugenie. The two pulled off an unbelievable transformation from tabloid fodder to [[AmicablyDivorced Model Divorced Couple]]. Sarah, Duchess of York, would return to the spotlight in 2010 after being caught attempting to sell access to her ex-husband. Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie win the "Craziest Headgear Award" at every royal wedding (with Beatrice [[http://cache.jezebel.com/assets/images/39/2011/05/beatrice_hat_52__ede.jpg definitely winning]] at Will and Kate's).

'''Prince Edward, Earl of Wessex'''. Gave up a a career in the Royal Marines before it started and showed an interest in theatre and television production (going on to host several documentaries). His first foray into that, ''[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It%27s_a_Royal_Knockout It's a Royal Knockout]]'' was a bit of a failure. Dogged by rumors he's gay, which were somewhat quieted when he married Sophie Rhys-Jones (who is by all accounts the Queen's favourite daughter-in-law) in 1999. Will be made Duke of Edinburgh when his father passes. He and Sophie have two children, Lady Louise Windsor -- who was a bridesmaid at the wedding of her cousin, Prince William -- and James, Viscount Severn.

'''Prince William, Duke of Cambridge'''. First son of Charles, and second in line for the throne, William has had a bit of a rep as a playboy and concerns he doesn't take his responsibilities that seriously. However, he has mellowed out in the past few years, and his popularity is quite high. He is almost as much a master of the poker face as the Queen herself. Like his father, he's spending time in all three branches of the British military (navy, army and air force) for his future role as commander-in-chief. In September 2010, he earned his wings as an RAF search and rescue pilot. Married longtime girlfriend and "commoner" Kate Middleton, now known as Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, on 29 April 2011 in the biggest royal wedding since Charles & Diana, to general approval. They live in Wales, as he is being stationed on Anglesey, and completed a tour of Canada. He is a big sportsman, playing polo and supporting [[BritishFootyTeams Aston Villa]] in the [[EnglishPremierLeague Premier League]]; he has been President of [[FootyLeagues The Football Association]] since 2006 and takes as active a role in that as his military and royal duties will allow. On 2 December 2012, St James' Palace announced that he and Catherine are expecting their first child.

'''Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge'''. Wife of Prince William and future Queen of England, she was known as Catherine Elizabeth "Kate" Middleton before her marriage (and despite it being factually incorrect, media both in the UK and abroad insist on referring to her by her maiden name, Kate Middleton). Met her future husband at the University of St Andrews, where she also earned her degree in History of Art. They dated off and on (but mostly on) for eight years before he popped the question in October 2010. As mentioned above, theirs was the biggest royal wedding in over two decades, and as such was accompanied by quite a lot of hoopla.

Since then Catherine has devoted herself to charity work and performing public duties on behalf of the royal family. And, it must be noted, she is a fashion icon around the world. She was also more or less officially deemed Team GB's lucky charm during her ubiquitous appearances at the 2012 Olympics, where the former field hockey champion served as Team GB ambassador. The teaming of William and Kate has had a restorative effect on the monarchy in not only the UK but in Canada as well, with more than one poll showing that people are willing to put up with a period of Charles being King with the knowledge that William and Kate are waiting in the wings. News of her impending motherhood broke early when the Duchess was admitted to hospital for minor complications with her pregnancy.

'''Prince Harry (Henry) of Wales'''. Second son of Charles, Harry acquired a reputation as a bit of an idiot thanks to stunts like showing up at one costume party dressed in a (Nazi) Afrika Korps uniform complete with a swastika armband. Since then has settled down as a career soldier in the British armoured corps and is apparently a very dedicated officer and small unit commander and very much a typical member of the military when it comes to beer and women. He is rumored to have threatened to make a public spectacle if he wasn't allowed to go to Afghanistan with his unit in 2007. He has since served in active duty in Afghanistan, but was brought back after certain members of the media broke silence on his being there (not cool, Aussie media). Then he took up flying helicopters, which solved the problem -- helicopters being a priority target anyway, the enemy isn't going to care if the pilot is a prince. Was in an on-again, off-again tabloid-fodder relationship with wealthy Zimbabwean Chelsy Davy from 2004-2009; they have since split for good but this has not stopped the gossip hounds one whit. Harry is ''immensely'' popular with the ladies, even more than his older brother, mostly due to being a young, hot, [[AllGirlsWantBadBoys bad boy]] without a steady girlfriend. Yet another beneficiary of the Will and Kate effect, with the three forming a popular trio at the 2012 Olympics and other events. Appeared in the tabloids in August 2012 after being photographed naked at a party; the British public were ''mostly'' supportive and viewed it as simply him letting off steam as any other young buck might do. His Father and Grandmother, however, were not pleased at all.

'''Peter Phillips'''. You don't hear about him very much, because he keeps a low profile as a mid-to-upper level corporate executive (having worked for [[BritishBusinesses Jaguar]], [[FormulaOne Willams F1]], and the [[BritishBusinesses Royal Bank of Scotland]]). The only time he really hit the news was when he got married: his Canadian fiancee Autumn Kelly had to convert from Catholicism to Anglicanism in order to keep him and their prospective children in line for the throne, which touched off debates about the Commonwealth's succession laws. Other than that, only really notable for giving the Queen her first two great-grandchildren, Savannah and Isla.

'''Zara Phillips'''. Following in her mother Anne's footsteps, took up competitive eventing and reigned as Eventing World Champion from 2006-2010, but could not defend her title due to some horrifically bad luck with her horse. Made up for it and then some, though, when she won Olympic silver for GB in eventing at the 2012 Games aboard her new mount High Kingdom. As the Princess Royal was dishing out the medals, all of Britain found this a little funny, too. She also got Sports Personality of the Year in 2006. Turns up in, of all things, the comic book ''Comicbook/VForVendetta'', as Queen Zara, all those above her in the list having been killed in a nuclear war. In June 2011, she married Mike Tindall (who plays RugbyUnion for Gloucester and was at the time England Captain, in one of the most peculiar upper-crust/working-class pairings ever). When she was born she was sixth in line for the throne (now currently thirteenth), but she doesn't possess an HRH title because her mother did not want her children to grow up with any, which excludes her from automatic entitlement to royal status.
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