The sound of clearing your throat, done deliberately to get attention.

We all get a little forgetful sometimes. When things in a plot get really, really complicated, it gets tough to keep track of all the disparate elements. So while Alice should have the sense to search the room for Bob before she starts badmouthing him, hey, nobody's perfect. As a result, she might need a little help from one of her friends. Let's say a simple cough, maybe a cold, paralyzing glare or just [[SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud saying 'Ahem']] loudly and sharply, just to indicate that Alice should do a double-check to realize [[RightBehindMe Bob's kind of standing right behind you]]. Shouting "COUGH!" is less subtle but at least you'll be heard.

Who provides the Ahem could be anyone, actually. Bob himself might do it, creating a potentially very embarrassing situation for Alice. The explanation also differs. A character who's too much of a {{Cloudcuckoolander}} will need it explained, explicitly, why it is they're saying something stupid, ignorant, and in direct contradiction of the facts. A person of normal intelligence is usually GenreSavvy enough to immediately go back over their words and realize what the massive intuitive flaw in their previous statement was.

It can also be used to signal that a word is used euphemistically. As referring to a well-to-do older gentleman and his *ahem* housekeeper; or his nephew keeping company with *ahem* actresses and *ahem* models.



[[folder: Comics ]]

* In a ''Franchise/StarWars'' comic, the group were talking about the Death Star's port opening. Tarkin said that no one could make that shot. Then, Darth Vader did the ahem right behind him.
* Lampshaded in a ''{{Peanuts}}'' strip in which Charlie Brown desperately needs to clear his throat during a baseball game, but he knows that if he does, Lucy will think it's a commentary on the fact that she just struck out. Finally he can't hold out.
-->'''Charlie Brown''': *ahem*
* In a short story where She-Hulk argued a case before the supreme court, Titania called her out multiple times, and every call out was relayed to her by a clerk who prefaced the message with an "Ahem".


[[folder: [[Fan Fic Fan Works ]]
* In ''Fanfic/TheLegendOfTotalDramaIsland'', Chris does this, quite theatrically, during the orientation tour to get Courtney and Lindsay's attention when the girls are talking about something unrelated.


[[folder: Film ]]

* Seen in ''Film/AustinPowers'':
-->'''Dr Evil:''' ... unless the world pays us a hefty ransom!\\
'''Number 2:''' ''(coughs)'' That already happened.
* Jeff Goldblum's rabbi dad doing this in ''Film/IndependenceDay'' to the President. Multiple times.
* In the 2005 ''Film/KingKong'' movie Ann mistook someone for Jack and was babbling about how he didn't fit the stereotype she'd been expecting, when the real Jack snapped his book shut behind her; she turned to see that he was the exact stereotype she'd been describing. Not awkward at all.
* The protagonists of ''Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers'' kiss each other passionately after the climax, the police chief tries to get their attention with ahems.
* The original version of ''Film/TheProducers'' has Leo Bloom doing this while going over Max Bialystock's account. When he actually switches to saying "cough, cough", Max delivers this precious insult:
-->"I assume you are making those cartoon noises in order to attract my attention. Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?"


[[folder: Literature ]]

* ''{{Horatio Hornblower}}'s'' VerbalTic, "Harumph", often used to fill the silence when he can't think of quite what to say. While this allows him to build an image as TheStoic, he is thrown off when [[LoveInterest Barbara Wellesy]] [[GenreSavvy figures it out]] and manages to pre-empt one of his Harumphs with a Harumph of her own, much to his chagrin.
* Umbridge in ''Literature/HarryPotter''. "Hem Hem". Interesting in this case because the points she makes are rarely obvious -- often she has to do it a couple of times before anyone will pay attention to her. Partly because it sounds like a cough, partly because none of the teachers will pay attention to her if they can avoid it. This is obviously to her advantage, though; she uses it to slowly kill whatever conversation was taking place and then [[CharacterFilibuster holds the floor]]. One teacher ([[BadassTeacher McGonagall]]) ignores her after multiple coughs and then finally offers her a cough drop.
** [[BorrowedCatchphrase Ginny does an imitation of Umbridge's cough]]. In fact, it's such a good imitation that those who heard her freak out at first before they find out it's her and laugh.
* The "using a word euphemistically" version appears in [[{{Pun}} rather punny]] fashion in ''Literature/{{Discworld}}. "They call themselves seamstresses, hem hem." The "Seamstresses' Guild" is the Discworld's BandOfBrothels.


[[folder: Live Action TV ]]

* Seen in ''Series/{{Friends}}'':
-->'''Monica:''' No, look, she's obviously unstable, okay? I mean she's thinking about running out on her wedding day.\\
''(Rachel slowly turns and glares at her.)''\\
Okay, fine! But I mean, look at the position she's putting him in! What's he gonna do? Ross is gonna run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage?! I mean, who would do that?!\\
''(Rachel again turns and glares at her in disgust.)''\\
Okay, fine, all right, but that's y'know, it's different! Although it did involve a lot of the same people.
* Jon Stewart, doing a silly impression of Sam Donaldson when Peter Jennings 'ahem's him that [[ Donaldson is there.]]
* From British show ''Series/{{Misfits}}'':
-->'''Nathan:''' I mean we did sod all with our powers but at least we never abused them. We never raped or murdered anyone.
-->''(Everyone looks at him.)''
-->'''Curtis:''' *points at Alisha* ''She'' raped me! And we killed loads of people.
-->'''Nathan:''' [[DesignatedHero Yeah, but...we're the good guys]].
:: In fairness to Nathan, the others had probably kept the rape incident to themselves up until then. Also, as for the people they killed, those wouldn't fit the category of murder because they were in self-defence.
* ''Series/{{Torchwood}}'' has this gem in the episode "Sleeper":
--> '''Woman:''' [to Jack] Your bedside manner's rubbish.
--> '''Gwen:''' So are his manners in bed. Or, so I've heard.
--> '''Ianto:''' Oh, they are. I remember this one time when-
--> *Jack loudly coughs and changes the subject*
** Particularly amusing considering the punchline comes from [[DeadpanSnarker snarky]] but usually private Ianto, and is one of the only times Jack ''ever'' looks uncomfortable, particularly regarding the details of his love life.
* Gary in ''MenBehavingBadly'' series 4, after being dumped by Dorothy:
-->'''Tony (on phone):''' Gary's been behaving like an ''arse''!
-->'''Gary:''' {{Ahem}}...
-->'''Tony:''' I mean a nice ''arse''!
* ''Series/HogansHeroes'' had an episode where Col. Klink went on vacation to a ski lodge. He ducked repeated phone calls from Gen. Burkhalter and told the desk clerk about how Burkhalter couldn't do anything without him, not realizing Burkhalter was standing right behind him.


[[folder: Video Games ]]

* In ''VideoGame/{{Discworld}}'', Rincewind discovers the dragon's hoard and begins celebrating, saying that the riches are his and no big ugly scaly dragon is going to stop him. A deep "Ahem" and a quick pan of the camera shows the dragon is right there, causing Rincewind to try and backtrack hurriedly.
* The Spy from ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2'' at the beginning of the "Meet The Spy" Video when the briefcase is found. Followed by [[MemeticMutation "Gentlemen?"]]
** In one of the comics, Miss Pauling is mentioning how not not everyone is on the Team is American, earning coughs from the Medic and Heavy and a pointed look towards [[EagleLand Soldier]], who hasn't quite caught on to them being German and Russian respectively.
* Done a few times throughout ''VideoGame/TalesOfMonkeyIsland''. There is one part in Chapter 5 when, after Guybrush thanks Morgan [[spoiler:for opening the Crossroads]], she gives out an "ahem", which, in the subtitles, is stated as "*clears throat*".
* Marvin Grossberg from ''VisualNovel/PhoenixWrightAceAttorney'' has a signature, exaggerated *Ah-HHHHEM!* from off-screen as one of his {{Catch Phrase}}s.


[[folder: Web Comics ]]

* ''DanAndMabsFurryAdventures'', Biggs [[ ordered]] his [[TheDragon Dragon]], Dee, to "dispose of" Alexsi. Alexsi is Dee's (adopted) daughter.
-->'''Dee:''' *Ahem*\\
'''Biggs:''' Hmmm? Oh, yeah! The daughter thing. Right. My bad there. Well, then! I guess you're free to go! Have a nice day!
* Last panel of [[ this page]] of ''Webcomic/GirlGenius'' (2008 Xmas break story)
* ''TheInexplicableAdventuresOfBob'' has a [[StarfishAliens Starfish Alien]] named "Ahem," whose name is pronounced like someone clearing his throat.
* In ''Webcomic/GunnerkriggCourt'', Reynardine The Great is caught playing with dolls by Annie, as she comes up behind him with a quiet "Ahem". [[ Here.]]
* ''Blog/SliceOfLife'': Twilight Sparkle does one of these when she's trying to get the Cakes' attention.


[[folder: Western Animation ]]

* ''WesternAnimation/XiaolinShowdown''
** Omi is picked to stay behind from a Shen-Gong-Wu search to watch Dojo:
-->'''Omi:''' What!? Why must I stay and Raimundo go? He was the last to make it to apprentice, and nobody thought he would make it!
-->'''Raimundo:''' AHEM.
-->'''Omi:''' ...Uh- er- that is...except for me?
** Omi explicitly states "[[RightBehindMe You know, I'm standing right here.]]"
* After discovering that his [[spoiler: brother-in-law's girlfriend was an employee of one of the villains]], [[TheSecretSaturdays Doc]] says to him:
-->'''Doc:''' I'm sorry about Abbey.
-->'''Doyle:''' Thanks.
-->'''Doc:'''[[spoiler: I mean, if anybody in that relationship was gonna be secretly evil, I'd have put my money on-]]\\
''(his wife pokes him)''\\
'''Doc:''' ''(clears throat)'' Well, we'll leave it at 'sorry'.
* Averted in ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'', in the episode "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back", with Bender going to the rest of the crew about Fry sleeping with Morgan Proctor, and Amy *hem hem*s.
-->'''Bender:''' *reaching behind him* "Oh, crap, is she behind me?"
-->'''Morgan Proctor:''' "No, I'm in front of you."