[[quoteright:167:[[Webcomic/GirlGenius https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/ahem_4.jpg]]]]

The sound of clearing your throat, done deliberately to get attention.

We all get a little forgetful sometimes. When things in a plot get really, really complicated, it gets tough to keep track of all the disparate elements. So while Alice should have the sense to search the room for Bob before she starts badmouthing him, hey, nobody's perfect. As a result, she might need a little help from one of her friends. Let's say a simple cough, maybe a cold, paralyzing glare or just [[SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud saying 'Ahem']] loudly and sharply, just to indicate that Alice should do a double-check to realize [[RightBehindMe Bob's kind of standing right behind you]]. Shouting "COUGH!" is less subtle but at least you'll be heard.

Who provides the Ahem could be anyone, actually. Bob himself might do it, creating a potentially very embarrassing situation for Alice. The explanation also differs. A character who's too much of a {{Cloudcuckoolander}} will need it explained, explicitly, why it is they're saying something stupid, ignorant, and in direct contradiction of the facts. A person of normal intelligence is usually savvy enough to immediately go back over their words and realize what the massive intuitive flaw in their previous statement was.

It can also be used to signal that a word is used euphemistically. As referring to a well-to-do older gentleman and his *ahem* housekeeper; or his nephew keeping company with *ahem* actresses and *ahem* models.

Compare CoughSnarkCough and BeQuietNudge.

----
!!Examples:

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:Comic Books]]
* In a ''Franchise/StarWars'' comic, the group were talking about the Death Star's port opening. Tarkin said that no one could make that shot. Then, Darth Vader did the ahem right behind him.
* ''ComicBook/SheHulk'': In a short story where the main character argued a case before the supreme court, Titania called her out multiple times, and every call out was relayed to her by a clerk who prefaced the message with an "Ahem".
* In one of the ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2'' comics, Miss Pauling is mentioning how not everyone on the Team is American, earning coughs from the Medic and Heavy and a pointed look towards [[EagleLand Soldier]], who hasn't quite caught on to them being German and Russian respectively.
* ''ComicBook/{{Superman}}'':
** ''ComicBook/ThePlagueOfTheAntibioticMan'': Iris Allen is going to meet with her husband ComicBook/TheFlash when she sees him talking to Lois Lane. Feeling a pang of jealousy, she coughs an "A-hem..." right behind them to draw their attention.
** ''ComicBook/DCRetroactiveSuperman'': As Superman is saying goodbye to Lana Lang, who is being carried away by paramedics after an attack on the Daily Planet, he hears a firm "A-hem" behind him. Upon turning around he comes face to face with Lois, who is not happy about Lana exploiting any excuse to flirt with him.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Comic Strips]]
* ''ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}}'': Lampshaded in a strip in which Charlie Brown desperately needs to clear his throat during a baseball game, but he knows that if he does, Lucy will think it's a commentary on the fact that she just struck out. Finally he can't hold out.
-->'''Charlie Brown:''' *ahem*\\
'''Lucy:''' I DIDN'T STRIKE OUT ON PURPOSE!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Fan Works]]
* ''Fanfic/TheBoyWhoCriedIdiot'': Huggins clears his throat loudly when Lincoln is about to curse.
* In ''Fanfic/TheLegendOfTotalDramaIsland'', [[TheHost Chris]] theatrically clears his throat during the orientation tour when two contestants are talking about something unrelated instead of paying attention. It's one of the first signs of Chris' [[LargeHam hammy]] side.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Films -- Animation]]
* ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyEquestriaGirlsRainbowRocks'':
** Rarity uses the euphemistic version when talking to Sunset Shimmer.[[labelnote:fun fact]]That last part of the line was actually ad-libbed by Tabitha St. Germain.[[/labelnote]]
--->'''Rarity:''' Oh darling, you have us! And we've forgiven you for your past -- ''ahem'' -- "boo-boos".
** Also, Twilight Sparkle trying to cover up her crush on Flash:
--->'''Twilight:''' Flash Sentry was asking about me?!? ''Ahem'' -- isn't that nice.
* ''WesternAnimation/Shrek1'': Lord Farquaad has an EvilLaugh as he approaches the torture table that turns into this as the table is still set for someone of normal height.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
* Seen in ''Film/AustinPowers'':
-->'''Dr Evil:''' ... unless the world pays us a hefty ransom!\\
'''Number 2:''' ''[coughs]'' That already happened.
* Jeff Goldblum's dad doing this in ''Film/IndependenceDay'' to the President. Multiple times.
* ''Film/JohnnyMnemonic'': J-Bone clears his throat when walking in on Johnny and Jane as they begin to get intimate.
* In ''Film/KingKong2005'', Ann mistook someone for Jack and was babbling about how he didn't fit the stereotype she'd been expecting, when the real Jack snapped his book shut behind her; she turned to see that he was the exact stereotype she'd been describing. Not awkward at all.
* The protagonists of ''Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers'' kiss each other passionately after the climax, the police chief tries to get their attention with ahems.
* The original version of ''Film/TheProducers'' has Leo Bloom doing this while going over Max Bialystock's account. When he actually switches to saying "cough, cough", Max delivers this precious insult:
-->'''Max:''' I assume you are making those cartoon noises in order to attract my attention. Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Literature]]
* Literature/HoratioHornblower's VerbalTic, "Ha--h'm", often used to fill the silence when he can't think of quite what to say. While this allows him to build an image as TheStoic, he is thrown off when [[LoveInterest Barbara Wellesy]] figures it out and mocks him gently for it. She apologizes for it immediately, however.
* Creator/ABertramChandler's Commodore Grimes, being [[JustForFun/RecycledInSpace Horatio Hornblower In Space]], has his own VerbalTic, "Mphm".
* ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheOrderOfThePhoenix'':
** Umbridge: "Hem Hem". Interesting in this case because the points she makes are rarely obvious -- often she has to do it a couple of times before anyone will pay attention to her. Partly because it sounds like a cough, partly because none of the teachers will pay attention to her if they can avoid it. This is obviously to her advantage, though; she uses it to slowly kill whatever conversation was taking place and then [[CharacterFilibuster holds the floor]]. One teacher ([[BadassTeacher McGonagall]]) ignores her after multiple coughs and then finally offers her a cough drop.
** [[BorrowedCatchphrase Ginny does an imitation of Umbridge's cough]]. In fact, it's such a good imitation that those who heard her freak out at first before they find out it's her and laugh.
* ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'':
** The "using a word euphemistically" version appears in [[{{Pun}} rather punny]] fashion in several books. "They call themselves seamstresses, hem hem." The "Seamstresses' Guild" is the Discworld's BandOfBrothels.
** In ''Literature/WyrdSisters'', a guard dramatically clears his throat while trying to work up the nerve to arrest [[NeverMessWithGranny Granny Weatherwax]], a task he, as a native Lancrastian who knows to fear and respect witches, is highly reluctant to do. Granny [[StealthHiBye suddenly appears behind him]] and remarks "That's a nasty cough you've got there, you did right in coming to me."
** When Colon is listing the various groups using a certain meeting room in ''Literature/GuardsGuards'', he refers to "The Ankh-Morpork Fine Art Appreciation Society, hem hem". Vimes stops him to ask what the "hem hem" was about, and is told that the Fine Art Appreciation Society are a group of men who paint nudes, but some of them don't even have any paint.
** In ''Literature/TheScienceOfDiscworld'', Ponder Stibbons uses this in an attempt to get the senior wizards' attention. All that happens is the Senior Wrangler offers him a cough sweet.
* ''Literature/WhoWetMyPants'': One of Reuben's friends clears their throat when they notice he wet his pants.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* ''Series/CowboyBebop2021''. In the first episode, Jet is getting information from TheBartender on the man they're looking for. At a certain point in the conversation she gives this trope and rubs her fingers together, indicating that she wants to get paid if Jet wants any further information.
* Seen in ''Series/{{Friends}}'':
-->'''Monica:''' No, look, she's obviously unstable, okay? I mean she's thinking about running out on her wedding day.\\
''[Rachel slowly turns and glares at her]''\\
Okay, fine! But I mean, look at the position she's putting him in! What's he gonna do? Ross is gonna run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage?! I mean, who would do that?!\\
''[Rachel again turns and glares at her in disgust]''\\
Okay, fine, all right, but that's y'know, it's different! Although it did involve a lot of the same people.
* Creator/JonStewart, doing a silly impression of Sam Donaldson when Peter Jennings "ahem"s him that [[http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=125611&title=Republican-National-Convention---Jennings-and-Stewart Donaldson is there.]]
* From British show ''Series/{{Misfits}}'':
-->'''Nathan:''' I mean we did sod all with our powers but at least we never abused them. We never raped or murdered anyone.\\
''[everyone looks at him]''\\
'''Curtis:''' ''[points at Alisha]'' ''She'' raped me! And we killed loads of people.\\
'''Nathan:''' [[DesignatedHero Yeah, but... we're the good guys]].
:: In fairness to Nathan, the others had probably kept the rape incident to themselves up until then. Also, as for the people they killed, those wouldn't fit the category of murder because they were in self-defense.
* ''Series/{{Torchwood}}'' has this gem in the episode "Sleeper". Particularly amusing considering the punchline comes from [[DeadpanSnarker snarky]] but usually private Ianto, and is one of the only times Jack ''ever'' looks uncomfortable, particularly regarding the details of his love life.
-->'''Woman:''' ''[to Jack]'' Your bedside manner's rubbish.\\
'''Gwen:''' So are his manners in bed. Or, so I've heard.\\
'''Ianto:''' Oh, they are. I remember this one time when--\\
''[Jack loudly coughs and changes the subject]''
* Gary in ''Series/MenBehavingBadly'' series 4, after being dumped by Dorothy:
-->'''Tony:''' ''[on phone]'' Gary's been behaving like an ''arse''!\\
'''Gary:''' Ahem...\\
'''Tony:''' I mean a nice ''arse''!
* ''Series/HogansHeroes'' has an episode where Col. Klink goes on vacation to a ski lodge. He ducks repeated phone calls from Gen. Burkhalter and tells the desk clerk about how Burkhalter can't do anything without him, not realizing Burkhalter is standing right behind him.
* ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer''. In "[[Recap/BuffyTheVampireSlayerS3E13TheZeppo The Zeppo]]", Xander is involved in a TrappedByMountainLions plot, with TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt presented as the unimportant B-story. At one point he walks right into the middle of a classic Buffy/Angel {{melodrama}}, with mutual {{Love Confession}}s and declarations that a HeroicSacrifice is [[ItsTheOnlyWay The Only Way]]. After making a half-hearted attempt to bring up his own problems Xander leaves, and the [[MusicalisInterruptus romantic music commences again]] as Buffy and Angel start up exactly where they left off.
* On an episode of ''Series/TheMrPotatoHeadShow'', Mr. Potato Head has turned his house into a reality show, and then manipulated his friends into fighting each other to make things more interesting. When he feels bad about it he holds a meeting to clear things up. He says "ahem" to get their attention, but they're arguing too loud to hear him, so he yells "I SAID A FREAKIN' AHEM!!!" at the top of his lungs.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Radio]]
* ''Radio/OurMissBrooks'': Often done by Mr. Conklin. For example, when Miss Brooks accidentally telephones him in "Wake Up Plan".
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Video Games]]
* In ''VideoGame/DiscoElysium'', coughing and throat-clearing appear frequently as part of the game's mostly {{realistic diction|IsUnrealistic}}, written "*khm*" rather than "Ahem."
* In ''VideoGame/{{Discworld}}'', Rincewind discovers the dragon's hoard and begins celebrating, saying that the riches are his and no big ugly scaly dragon is going to stop him. A deep "Ahem" and a quick pan of the camera shows the dragon is right there, causing Rincewind to try and backtrack hurriedly.
* ''VideoGame/MassEffect3'': In the ''Citadel'' DLC, your entire team (and [[GuestStarPartyMember Wrex]]) are going to storm the Citadel archives. However, you can still [[ArbitraryHeadcountLimit only have two squad mates with you]]. So, you are you going to bring?
-->'''Wrex:''' Ahem.\\
'''Javik:''' Ahem.\\
'''Tali:''' Ahem.\\
'''Pizza Delivery Volus:''' Ahem. Whose going to pay for this?
* Done a few times throughout ''VideoGame/TalesOfMonkeyIsland''. There is one part in Chapter 5 when, after Guybrush thanks Morgan [[spoiler:for opening the Crossroads]], she gives out an "ahem", which, in the subtitles, is stated as "*clears throat*".
* The Spy from ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2'' at the beginning of the "Meet The Spy" Video when the briefcase is found. Followed by [[MemeticMutation "Gentlemen?"]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Visual Novels]]
* Marvin Grossberg from ''VisualNovel/PhoenixWrightAceAttorney'' has a signature, exaggerated *Ah-HHHHEM!* from off-screen as one of his catchphrases.
* In the visual novel ''VisualNovel/LucyTheEternitySheWishedFor'', the titular character is fond of doing this, usually accompanied with a knowing smirk on her face.
* In ''VisualNovel/{{Melody}}'', MC clears his throat to get Melody's and Sophia's attention during their hello hug, prompting Melody to introduce him to Sophia.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Webcomics]]
* ''Webcomic/DanAndMabsFurryAdventures'', Biggs [[http://www.missmab.com/Comics/Vol_718.php ordered]] his [[TheDragon Dragon]], Dee, to "dispose of" Alexsi. Alexsi is Dee's (adopted) daughter.
-->'''Dee:''' *Ahem*\\
'''Biggs:''' Hmmm? Oh, yeah! The daughter thing. Right. My bad there. Well, then! I guess you're free to go! Have a nice day!
* Last panel of [[http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20090107 this page]] of ''Webcomic/GirlGenius'' (2008 Xmas break story)
* ''Webcomic/TheInexplicableAdventuresOfBob'' has a [[StarfishAliens Starfish Alien]] named "Ahem," whose name is pronounced like someone clearing his throat.
* In ''Webcomic/GunnerkriggCourt'', Reynardine The Great is caught playing with dolls by Annie, as she comes up behind him with a quiet "Ahem". [[http://www.gunnerkrigg.com/archive_page.php?comicID=97 Here.]]
* ''Blog/SliceOfLife'': Twilight Sparkle does one of these when she's trying to get the Cakes' attention.
* In ''Webcomic/TheHandbookOfHeroes'', when Witch catches Antipaladin [[CutenessProximity baby-talking]] to a puppy.
-->'''Antipaladin:''' Who's a ''good dog?'' Who's a ''good boy?'' Who...\\
'''Witch:''' ''Ahem.''\\
'''Antipaladin:''' Who's a ''bad'' dog? Who's a ''dag nasty evil'' pup? Is it you? ''Yes it is.''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* Averted in ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'', in the episode "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back", with Bender going to the rest of the crew about Fry sleeping with Morgan Proctor, and Amy *hem hem*s.
-->'''Bender:''' ''[reaching behind him]'' Oh, crap, is she behind me?\\
'''Morgan Proctor:''' No, I'm in front of you.
* PlayedForLaughs in the ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic'' episode "Make New Friends but Keep Discord", when Discord tries to get Fluttershy's attention at the Gala. He keeps turning it up until he's outright coughing and hacking.
* ''WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb'': In "Bee Day", Ginger does this to bring Isabella to her senses when she gets lost in "Phineasland" again.
* During an ImagineSpot on ''WesternAnimation/RockosModernLife'' regarding a potential career as a lounge singer, Filbert only manages to get out an "ahem" to the microphone before the crowd turns on him with TorchesAndPitchforks.
* ''WesternAnimation/TheSecretSaturdays'': After discovering that his [[spoiler: brother-in-law's girlfriend was an employee of one of the villains]], Doc says to him:
-->'''Doc:''' I'm sorry about Abbey.\\
'''Doyle:''' Thanks.\\
'''Doc:'''[[spoiler: I mean, if anybody in that relationship was gonna be secretly evil, I'd have put my money on-]]\\
''[his wife pokes him]''\\
'''Doc:''' ''[clears throat]'' Well, we'll leave it at "sorry".
* ''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants'':
** In "Karate Choppers", Mr. Krabs does this to get [=SpongeBob=]'s attention when he catches him using karate to make sandwiches at a picnic. [[MemeticMutation Hilariously]], he says it as "Bluhahe"
** In "Krabby Land", one of the kids does this when overhearing Mr. Krabs say that he doesn't care about the children and that he's using them to get money from their parents. Realizing that he's been caught by said children from behind him, he tries to convince them that he has to go to the bank. Considering Mr. Krabs' true intentions, [[LaserGuidedKarma this doesn't end well for him.]]
** In "Krusty Krushers", Mr. Krabs does an actual one to get [=SpongeBob=] and Patrick's attention after observing their first failed attempt at fighting their wrestler opponents, which is fake wrestling. This is something Mr. Krabs doesn't approve; he only wants them to win at wrestling so he can get the one million dollar prize.
** In "Company Picnic", [=SpongeBob=] does this when he overhears Plankton's plan to use his company picnic to get Mr. Krabs and Squidward to work for him, realizing the whole thing was a scam.
* ''WesternAnimation/XiaolinShowdown'':
** Omi is picked to stay behind from a Shen-Gong-Wu search to watch Dojo:
--->'''Omi:''' What!? Why must I stay and Raimundo go? He was the last to make it to apprentice, and nobody thought he would make it!\\
'''Raimundo:''' AHEM.\\
'''Omi:''' ...Uh- er- that is... except for me?
** Omi explicitly states "[[RightBehindMe You know, I'm standing right here.]]"
[[/folder]]
----