-> ''"Is it about a bicycle?"''
''The Third Policeman'' is a darkly comic novel by Irish author Flann O'Brien, best known for his earlier work ''Literature/AtSwimTwoBirds''. Written between 1939 and 1940, it didn't receive publication until 1967, after the author's death.
The story concerns an unnamed narrator and his tenant John Divney, both of whom are in dire need of funds (the narrator wishes to publish a commentary on the writings of a philosopher named de Selby; Divney wishes to get married). Divney proposes killing the local miser, Philip Mathers, and stealing his cash-box. However, while the narrator is in the process of retrieving the cash-box, he encounters the ghost of Mathers. Thus begins a series of surreal, disturbing and hilarious adventures as he attempts to recover the money.
!!The book contains examples of:
* AbsurdlySharpBlade: See SharpenedToASingleAtom.
* AlienGeometries: "Eternity" is nothing but this. The tiny police station situated ''inside the walls'' of [[spoiler: Philip Mathers's house]] probably qualifies as well.
** The first police station is an example of this too. When the narrator first sees it [[spoiler:(and when he first sees it ''again'' later)]], it looks impossibly two-dimensional, like a roadside billboard; he has to get practically right in front of it to be able to tell that it's a real building.
* AluminiumChristmasTrees: Lots of de Selby's demented ideas sound like nothing more than the most ridiculous things O'Brien could think of, but many are in fact direct parodies of ideas advanced by real philosophers, such as Zeno.
* AmnesiaLoop: [[spoiler: The narrator]] doesn't realize his IronicHell is repeating over and over again.
* AndIMustScream: [[spoiler: The narrator]] is powerless to escape his IronicHell.
* AppliedPhlebotinum: Omnium is this, in effect.
* BookEnds: A particularly unsettling example. As the narrator and John Divney approach the police barracks at the end of the book, the descriptions of the building and the behaviour of Policeman Fox are almost exactly the same as their earlier counterparts, yet the narrator does not seem to realize this. This is how the reader learns [[spoiler: the narrator is inside an endlessly repeating IronicHell.]]
* BrownNote: See FictionalColour, amongst other examples.
* CantTakeAnythingWithYou: Sort of: when leaving "eternity", one has to be the same weight as when one entered.
* CloudCuckooLander: de Selby. He's incapable of distinguishing men from women, thinks motion is impossible, distrusts houses, believes the earth to be sausage-shaped...
** Note that a somewhat different version of De Selby actually appears in ''The Dalkey Archive''. There, he hobnobs with St. Augustine, while pursuing a plan to save the world by destroying it.
* CompanionCube: Sergeant Pluck is extremely distrustful of bicycles, worrying that they will become sentient. By the end of the novel the narrator has developed an extremely tender relationship with a ladies' bicycle.
* ContrivedCoincidence: The carpenter building the gallows would just so happen to have a wooden leg, wouldn't he? Justified as the [[spoiler: IronicHell makes liberal use of [[HopeSpot Hope Spots]] to frustrate the narrator.]]
* [[spoiler:DeadAllAlong]]: The narrator; while trying to retrieve Mathers's cashbox, he [[spoiler: encountered a bomb planted by John Divney which killed him instantly.]]
* DyingDream: Sort of.
* FictionalColour: One of the bizarre things the protagonist encounters is a paint of an unknown color that drives those that see it mad.
* FictionalDocument: The various works of the philosopher de Selby, along with other philosophers' commentaries upon them.
* FootnoteFever: Long passages are devoted to the narrator discussing the various ideas espoused by the philosopher de Selby, his life, the interpretations of his ideas by other philosophers and their lives. While rarely directly related to the plot, they feature some of the most hilarious passages in the book.
* FramingTheGuiltyParty: Unintentionally. When Sergeant Pluck's superior discovers that Philip Mathers has been killed, he is outraged that Pluck has yet to arrest a suspect. In an effort to mollify him, Sergeant Pluck assures his superior that the narrator is the perpetrator (without realizing he is), and promptly commences making arrangements for his hanging.
* HopeSpot: the second half of the book features a protracted series of examples for the narrator.
* IronicHell: It's revealed at the end that everything [[spoiler: the narrator has experienced since going back to Philip Mathers's house]] has been a hell in which he is doomed to experience horrifying, surreal events over and over again. Even worse, he has no awareness that this is happening repeatedly.
* KarmaHoudini: Subverted - [[spoiler:Divney gets away scot-free with killing the narrator and stealing Mathers' money. However, the ending makes it clear that, in death, he will experience exactly the same fate as the narrator]].
* MacGuffin: The cashbox, at least to begin with.
* MoodWhiplash: All over the place. This book will have you laughing your head one minute and feeling weirdly unsettled the next.
* NoNameGiven: The narrator. Curiously, the narrator himself ''forgets'' his own name.
* NoodleIncident: The enigmatic circumstances around the narrator breaking his leg - "if you like, it was broken for me".
* UsefulNotes/NorthernIreland: The novel's setting (initially, at any rate).
* ObstructiveBureaucrat: The police force. Pluck tells the narrator that since the narrator has no name, he therefore [[InsaneTrollLogic cannot exist]], and it would be futile for Pluck to file a police report on the missing American watch of a non-existent person. However, later on the fact that the narrator supposedly does not exist comes in handy, as Pluck can execute the narrator with impunity in order to appease his superior, without the execution having officially taken place (thus, no one will be able to investigate whether the narrator was in fact innocent or guilty of the crime he was accused of, as no records of it will exist).
* PostModernism: It's been called "the first great masterpiece" of the genre, despite being written long before the genre proper is traditionally said to have emerged.
* RealityWarper: Anyone in possession of sufficient quantities of omnium becomes one of these.
* SharpenedToASingleAtom: One of the policemen has a spear so sharp that if you were to prick yourself with it, your finger would begin to bleed about 2 inches before the point appeared to reach your finger. In fact, when your finger starts to bleed, the spear point had penetrated your skin 2 inches ago, but was so thin it slipped between the atoms of your finger without causing any damage.
* ShowWithinAShow: The writings of de Selby and his commentators.
* ASimplePlan: The narrator's and John Divney's plan is actually a subversion of this. Initially, it looks like Divney has betrayed the narrator and stolen the money, or that some third party has stolen it from both of them. However, at the end it is revealed that [[spoiler: Divney's plan was to steal the money and kill the narrator, and both elements went off without a hitch. Sixteen years later, Divney still hasn't been caught.]]
* SomeCallMeTim: The narrator's immaterial, undying soul is called - Joe.
* SurrealHorror: Some of the weird things in this book are so off-the-wall you have to laugh. Others? Not so much.
* SurrealHumour: One of the best jokes in this book is about a policeman stealing bicycles because of his severe concern that they will become sentient and demand being allowed to vote in local elections. It's that kind of book.
* YearOutsideHourInside: Two examples: time does not pass at all inside "eternity", so one can enter and come out exactly the same age one was when one entered. Additionally, the narrator only seems to spend a couple of days searching for the cashbox, but when he returns to his house John Divney tells him sixteen years have passed.