-->''This is a tale of a meeting of two lonesome, skinny, fairly old white men on a planet which was dying fast.''
-->''Listen:''

''Breakfast of Champions, or, Goodbye, Blue Monday!'' is Creator/KurtVonnegut's seventh novel, and one of his stranger dips into metafiction. First published in 1973.

Dwayne Hoover is the fabulously well-to-do owner of a Pontiac dealership. He's made his money in real estate. He's handsome and has oodles of charm. He's also been going slowly insane since his wife committed suicide.

Kilgore Trout is the reclusive author of various obscure science fiction stories for different, largely pornographic publishers, who paid him doodly-squat. He has just received an invitation to speak at an arts festival down the road from Dwayne Hoover's Pontiac dealership, and he wants to appear as the ultimate representative of failure.

Kilgore Trout's fiction will inspire Dwayne Hoover to completely snap and go on a rampage.

Made into a film by Alan Rudolph (''[[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120618/?ref_=sr_2 Breakfast of Champions]]'') in 1999, with BruceWillis as Dwayne Hoover. Vonnegut himself called the film "painful to watch".

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!!Tropes used:

* ArcWords: "And so on."
** "Listen:"
* AuthorAvatar: Kilgore Trout, Vonnegut's usual avatar is a main character and [[spoiler:Vonnegut later blatantly inserts himself into the story as a deconstruction of this trope.]]
* AuthorTract: The book begins by describing the country in which the characters live (the United States) and all the ways in which it is fucked up.
* BulletTime: Near the end of the book, [[spoiler:Vonnegut is startled by a dog that leaps at him, and he describes, in detail, his chemical processes as adrenaline is pumped into his bloodstream and the dog drifts lazily closer like a blimp with teeth, [[BreadEggsMilkSquick and how]] his testicles retract into his body in such a manner that the doctors tell him " only surgery can bring them down again".]]
* CallARabbitASmeerp: In one of Kilgore Trout's stories, another planet calls the local equivalent peanut butter 'Shazzbutter'.
* CanonWelding: Eliot Rosewater and Kilgore Trout return after previous appearances in Vonnegut's work. Vonnegut says in the introduction that the book was written to retire all of his older characters.
* CaptainObvious: Vonnegut as narrator constantly makes incredibly obvious statements in order to make a statement that all details are important.
* ContemptibleCover: Kilgore Trout's stories are usually published with pornographic illustrations, leading to the name and author credit of one of his books being covered by a promise of "wide open beavers."
* CrapsackWorld: Almost everyone in the novel is completely miserable, and the Earth is dying from pollution. In the future, every animal but man has gone extinct.
* DeliveryStork: Discussed and illustrated in a sidebar.
* DrivenToSuicide: Dwayne's wife, Celia killed herself by drinking Drano. Vonnegut mentions in the narration that his own mother killed herself with sleeping pills.
* EitherOrTitle: "Breakfast of Champions" or "Goodbye, Blue Monday!"
* FoodPorn: One of Trout's stories is about a planet where only synthetic food has remained, so the inhabitants' pornography is people eating seemingly natural food slowly and happily.
* ForegoneConclusion: Vonnegut states right at the beginning that Dwayne Hoover will snap and seriously injure several people, after reading one of Trout's novels.
* FourthWallShutInStory: The character Kilgore Trout is supposed to be a stand-in for Vonnegut, and toward the end of the story, Trout has conversations with Vonnegut (who is the third-person omniscient narrator). The content of these conversations is Trout (fictional) demanding changes to his world from Vonnegut (real), but the underlying subtext is of Vonnegut (real), in futility, demanding impossible changes to his own life.
* FreakOut: Finally happens to Dwayne Hoover after reading the story by Kilgore Trout, which tells him that all other people are just mindless machines created as part of an experiment by God to see how he will react to them.
* GagPenis: Vonnegut claims that his penis is three inches long and five inches in diameter.
** One character has a penis 800 miles long and 210 miles in diameter, but practically all of it is in the fourth dimension.
* {{Gayngst}}: Dwayne's son, Bunny, suffers quite a bit, becoming an introvert with no friends or lovers.
* GoMadFromTheRevelation - Although the FreakOut (see above) is triggered by the story he reads, the insanity is caused by late stage syphilis.
* GoodPeopleHaveGoodSex: Harry [=LeSabre=] and his wife Grace.
* ImmuneToFate: Meta-example: after reading Trout's story, Hoover believes this applies to him. It doesn't.
* LemonyNarrator: Vonnegut himself.
* MagicMirror: Not really, but Kilgore Trout pretends that mirrors are holes to other universes, which is why he calls them 'leaks'.
* {{Metafiction}}: [[spoiler:Vonnegut himself appears as a character]], amongst other things. There are also Kilgore Trout's many stories, many of which play rôles in the plot, one of them pivotal.
* NarrativeFiligree: The book has extensive narrative filigree, such as giving definitions of the most common things, or describing the different sci-fi stories Kilgore Trout has written, or bizarre and inconsequential interrelationships between characters, or the penis lengths and circumferences of each male character.
* NoFourthWall: Like in ''SlaughterhouseFive,'' the narrator ''is'' Kurt Vonnegut. [[spoiler: In fact, he shows up in the story toward the end.]]
* OurLawyersAdvisedThisTrope: Vonnegut slips in two legal advisories that the title of the book is not meant to reflect upon General Mills' "fine products."
* {{Ouroboros}}: Vonnegut claims that time is "a serpent which eats its tail," which he illustrates.
* PantyShot: Implied and illustrated. An early passage says that it's a boy's job to try to peek at a girl's underpants, while it's the girl's job to keep a boy from seeing her underpants. A drawing of girls' panties is displayed.
* PollutedWasteland: America as a whole is portrayed like this.
* PretentiousLatinMotto: Vonnegut claims that the United States has the Latin motto "E pluribus unum" because its founders "were aristocrats, and they wished to show off their useless education".
* PrisonRape: Jailbird Wayne Hoobler has been in one institution or another for so long that this is the only kind of sex that he knows about.
* RageAgainstTheAuthor: [[spoiler: Kurt Vonnegut hands Kilgore Trout an apple and disappears. Trout, realizing that Vonnegut is his creator is left on the sidewalk begging him to come back and make him young. Since Trout is Vonnegut's AuthorAvatar, Vonnegut himself is wishing for his lost youth]].
* RunningGag: Each male character, after being introduced, will receive a set of exact measurements for his penis, and every time an asshole is mentioned, it will be drawn, childishly, on the page.
* SanitySlippage: Dwayne Hoover is slowly going crazy, but he hides it well enough that nobody suspects he needs professional help...until it's too late.
* ShowWithinAShow: Kilgore Trout's novels and short stories, which receive more focus than in previous books.
* ShroudedInMyth: While traveling through New York City, Trout gets mugged along with another man. He can't identify the assailants to police afterwards, saying that an intelligent gas from Pluto might have attacked him for all he knows. The headline the next day in the ''New York Post'' is "PLUTO BANDITS KIDNAP PAIR". The story spreads and becomes more and more embellished, and it isn't long before everybody in the city is scared to death of a fearsome pack of thugs known as the "Pluto Gang". Even international news is warning people who might travel to NYC that they need to be careful and watch out for the Pluto Gang when they get there.
** [[{{Defictionalization}} And a group of punks then start up a Pluto Gang...]]
* SubvertedRhymeEveryTime: A ditty Dwayne's father used to sing when he was drunk:
-->''[[RosesAreRedVioletsAreBlue Roses are red]]\\
And ready for plucking\\
You’re sixteen\\
And ready for high school.''
* ThrowTheDogABone: Trout gets a happy ending for once.
* TitleDrop: Bonnie [=McMahon=] tells the phrase to everyone whom she serves a martini.
* {{Tradesnark}}: At the beginning of the book, and also immediately after the first use of the "Breakfast of champions" phrase within the novel itself. (A waitress says it to patrons, as a private joke, every time she serves a martini.)
* ToiletHumor: The illustrations range from cows to assholes to beavers to "wide open beavers." Additionally, almost all of the male characters' penises are given measurements.
* TrueArtIsIncomprehensible: [[invoked]] Rabo Karabekian, who goes on to star in ''Bluebeard,'' revels in making money through modern art. Once Rabo explains his artwork, Vonnegut says it is fantastic, whereas before he wasn't very impressed with it.
* WholesomeCrossdresser: Harry [=LeSabre=] is a secret crossdresser. However, his wife knows about it and doesn't mind, and they have a very satisfying sex life. The fact that he would go to jail for a long, long time if people knew what he got up to in his private life is portrayed as unjust.
* WouldHitAGirl: Dwayne, during his rampage, says, "Never hit a woman, right?" before punching Beatrice Keedler and Bonnie [=McMahon=], who were trying to restrain him.
* WritersSuck: Kilgore Trout is a complete failure of a writer. His work is only published as filler material in pornographic magazines. Nobody has heard of him, except Eliot Rosewater, his only fan. Flash-forwards show that he will eventually turn his life around... but only after the rest of the world is good and truly screwed.
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''And so on.''