[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:Heavenly Sword and Other Stuff]]
* Nariko's outfit:
--> The whole effect does not so much as scream "battle-hardened swordswoman" as it does the phrase, "Try and pull this one off, {{cosplay}}ers."
* The demo's stand-out line "We may need you to play twing-twang.":
--> My first thought when I heard that was, "[[QuoteMine I am so going to quote that out of context]],” but on reflection [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext it doesn't make a whole lot of sense in context, either]]. If the developers were hoping I’d consider buying the full game just to see what twing-twang is, then mission fucking accomplished, I suppose, but I'm going to be very disappointed if it isn't a cutesy euphemism for lesbian cunnilingus ''yeah I went there''.
** In fact, that provides the page quote for MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext.
* "Since Nariko wasn't quite finished expressing her death wish, she then cut the support ropes that held up the big stone erection and rode it down to the ground, where it collapsed upon a bunch of soldiers who were doing manly things like arm wrestling and grunting, and if you're seeing [[FreudWasRight a sort of Freudian motif]] going on here, then rest assured you're not the only one."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Psychonauts]]
* [[SchmuckBait The experiment in the beginning of the episode]] [[spoiler: is actually a punishment for not buying ''VideoGame/{{Psychonauts}}'']].
** (If you did buy ''Psychonauts'', please disregard the preceding.)
* Yahtzee’s description of the game’s LoveItOrHateIt status: "''Psychonauts'' seems like a rather polarizing game in that some people seem to think it's the kind of thing Jesus would make if he was alive and wasn't a pussy and some other people feel it's a chunky vomit milkshake severely overhyped by the people in party A."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Console Rundown]]
* The subtitle: [[FlameBait an adventure in fanboy baiting]].
* While talking about Final Fantasy 13 Lightning herself is suprised that she is actually a woman and not another androgynous male.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Bioshock]]
* A line about boiling water apparently being able to form allegiances in the game is accompanied by a jar of water on a Bunsen burner screaming "FUCK THE POPE!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Tomb Raider Anniversary]]
* After spending the whole review trying to avoid referring to breasts, Yahtzee falls prey to the FreudianSlipperySlope, which culminates in a HurricaneOfEuphemisms for boobies.
** Before that, his musings on playing the original ''VideoGame/TombRaider'' as a kid:
---> '''Yahtzee''': It kind of [[NostalgiaFilter takes me back to when I was fifteen]] and playing the original ''VideoGame/TombRaider'' and I'd back her up into a corner to get the best view[[note]]arrow points at her chest[[/note]] of her juicy--[[LastSecondWordSwap thighs]][[note]]arrow points at her thighs[[/note]].\\
''(Caption reading "[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder: Phew, That Was a Close One ]]
" pops up)''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Manhunt]]
* It's hard to catch, but in the review he claims the game "only stands out in the area of juvenile gore", illustrated with a graph that asserts that ''{{Franchise/Barbie}} Horse Riding'' has over twice as much hardcore violence as ''VideoGame/{{Resistance}}: Fall of Man''.
* Yahtzee's "No, and go fuck yourself, you ignorant scaremongering cockbags!" being captioned as "No, and I consider your argument misinformed."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Halo 3]]
* Describing the companion AI as "Pants-on-head retarded", complete with image of companion wearing pants on head.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Tabula Rasa]]
* "Some people also find fat people sexy. I don't understand them myself, but then most people don't understand why I like putting lettuce around my cock and hiding it in other people's salad."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Orange Box]]
* "It's short, it's cheap, and it comes with lots of fun extras, not unlike [[YourMom yer mum]]."
* Comparing Half Life 2: Episode Two's use of RememberTheNewGuy to "coming home from school to find a walrus sitting at the dinner table, and you're the only one who seems to notice."
-->More potatoes, Uncle Tusky?
* Comparing playing a Sniper in ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2'' to playing an adventure game where "the only puzzle is 'Use GUN on MAN'."
* Admitting that he can't find any serious problems with ''VideoGame/{{Portal}}'': "This is the most fun you'll have with your PC until they invent [[ADateWithRosiePalms a force-feedback codpiece]]."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass]]
* "The Hero called "[[Franchise/TheLegendOfZelda Link]]" on the few occasions I'm mature enough not to abuse the [[HelloInsertNameHere "Enter Name" feature]], and "Fagballs" on all the others."
** "Also sometimes I like to name him 'I Say' so that everyone sounds like [[WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes Foghorn Leghorn]]."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Clive Barker's Jericho]]
* Calling ''VideoGame/CliveBarkersJericho'': [[InCaseYouForgotWhoWroteIt "Clive Barker's Clive Barker's Jericho by Clive Barker"]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Guitar Hero III]]
* The review being stuffed with HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday, before ending:
-->"On the whole though it's just not as good as tonguing another man's balls. [both figures stop playing and stare at the fourth wall] I mean... as it used to be. [[[{{Beat}} awkward silence]]] ''I'm not gay.''"
** Even funnier when you realize that one of the two players is his own AuthorAvatar.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Super Mario Galaxy]]
* "You could transplant the head of [[ThoseWackyNazis Joseph Goebbels]] onto the body of a praying mantis, and it would still compare favorable to ''VideoGame/SuperMarioSunshine''."
* The return of Uncle Tusky!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Silent Hill: Origins]]
* Yahtzee compares ''VideoGame/SilentHill2'''s writing compared to the rest of the video game industry, like Creator/CharlesDickens joining a forum for ''WesternAnimation/InvaderZim'' FanFiction. [[SelfDeprecation Yahtzee appears in the crowd of the dorky-looking fanfic writers]].
* "Also, you have one second to name any game in which [[BreakableWeapons weapon degradation]] has been a good idea. ''({{beat}})'' Time's up. That's what I thought! There's something very wrong about a katana that shatters after five or six hits, one that ostensibly isn't made out of glass or chocolate."
* Yahtzee wonders where Travis found a body warmer that was spacious enough to store 18 portable [=TVs=]. Cue a animation of pile of [=TVs=] falling out of Travis' west and him hastely stating "I don't know how they got in there, officer!"
* "But it's impossible to care about [Travis] because A) he's a breathtaking nonentity with all the emotion of a polystyrene block, and B) there's no reason for him to be in the town at all. There's no missing wife or daughter keeping him motivated; the only conceivable reason for not turning on his heel and fleeing with nary a backward glance or stop at the gift shop is sheer determined retardation."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Witcher]]
* "[[http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/22-The-Witcher 20 minutes. Outside. Puffer fish.]]"
** "Okay, now I just have to figure out if that was a man or a woman..."
* "You might say it's sexist to treat women like a baseball card collecting mini-game, so you can ogle their luscious rounded boobies and ''melt away between their smooth milky thighs'' '''''as the sweat runs in rivulets from their writhing, sensuous bodies''''', but...sorry, I forgot where I was going with that."
** THINK OF SOMETHING WHOLESOME INSTEAD
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Call of Duty 4]]
* (Waffle about game physics)... "and now, to counteract the seriousness of that last sentence, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnZ-5DZhySg Boingo Boingo Whoopsy Knickers]]".
* When Yahtzee describes Call of Duty's deconstruction of typical war tropes he says it is what elevates Call of Duty 4 from average to excellent, before clarifying that the word excellent shouldn't just be tossed around and even so it doesn't rank far on the scale of other excellent things, where Call of Duty is on the far left, Portal is to the right, and at the very end of the scale there is a picture of Jesus Christ.[[/folder]]

[[folder:Uncharted: Drake's Fortune]]
* The drawing of Nathan Drake juggling a torch, a chainsaw, and a baby. The next frame shows the baby and chainsaw on the floor, along with some blood, covered up by a black censor box that says [[CrossesTheLineTwice "THE BABY IS FINE]] [[BlatantLies THE BABY IS OKAY."]]
* The bit where Yahtzee [[ArtShift shifts from his usual style to a video recording of himself]], where he patiently explains that a QuickTimeEvent should not be used in a way that promotes FakeDifficulty, especially if they're done in a way [[PressXToNotDie the player can't expect]] - [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment before a "Press X to Dodge" message suddenly flashes on the screen]], and [[UnfazedEveryman Yahtzee]] nonchalantly dodges a thrown object, all while still calmly explaining his point.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Turok]]
* The titlecards for each chapter of the review, which suffer increasing degrees of typos and other abuse.
* Yahtzee's explanation for why FirstPersonShooter games of recent [[WalkItOff have abandoned health meters]]: "Maybe someone threw a big party for video game interfaces, and Mr. Health Meter got drunk and acted like a tit, so now everyone shuns him".
* The FunnyBackgroundEvent in the ending credits. The heads-up display from VideoGame/{{Doom}} is shown on the bottom of the screen, with Yahtzee’s cartoon head replacing that of the game's protagonist, when an imp [[InterfaceScrew removes the head and sits in its place]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Zack & Wiki: Quest for Barbaros' Treasure]]
* "I didn't [find the voice acting] all that annoying, but my roommate said it was like having his ear canals raped by a man wearing a sandpaper condom. Not in those exact words, obviously."
* Yahtzee continuing to get Zack and Wiki's names wrong (intentionally), eventually ending up calling them "Whack and Sticky".
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Condemned 2: Bloodshot]]
* Yahtzee trying to pour in the ParanoiaFuel into your brain by telling you there is a serial killer living under you bed at this very moment, but "don't look or that'll really piss him off!" And his utter bemusement at the ending of the game:
--> "''Condemned: Bloodshot'', by contrast, ends on a stupid sci-fi tower thing resembling something the [[VideoGame/{{Half-Life2}} Combine]] would throw together if they were all ''drunk'', and a piss-easy final boss fight which you win by shouting at him so loud his brain explodes. ''[[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer I wish I was fucking kidding]].''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Super Smash Bros. Brawl]]
* Yahtzee mentioning that he bought the game illegally (from Gametraders Robina) due to it not being officially released in Australia. He then went on to name the store he bought it from (Gametraders Robina) over and over again, the final time (Gametraders Robina) actually giving the exact address of the store.
* Yahtzee complains about having to unlock [[MetalGearSolid Solid Snake]] and [[SonicTheHedgehog Sonic the Hedgehog]], prompting [[Franchise/SuperMarioBros Mario]] to pop up.
--> '''Mario''': Looks like-a you'll have to play with a-me instead.
** Yahtzee responds by [[BoomHeadshot shooting Mario in the head.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Mailbag Showdown]]
* Arguably the most controversial episode, but also one of the funniest if you have thicker skin. Yahtzee got [[HePannedItNowHeSucks more hate mail than normal]] after panning Super Smash so he decided to do a video as an open response to the criticism. [[DearNegativeReader The first line before responding to the emails set the tone:]]
--> Yahtzee: So without further ado, Go Team Retard!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The World Ends With You]]
* "And [the protagonist] has to team up with a partner, partly to make the most of the DS dual screen, but mostly to [[{{Anvilicious}} teach him a valuable life lesson about friendship and acceptance]] and everything else ''Series/SesameStreet'' used to bang on about whenever Cookie Monster wasn't around."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion]]
* "Every now and again, the planets would align and I'll be affected by weird cosmic rays, and suddenly all I want to do is play a nice fantasy RPG. Not a JRPG, God no - it's just space radiation, not the infinite power of Christ."
* "My only previous experience with ''Franchise/TheElderScrolls'' series was a brief spell of [[VideoGame/TheElderScrollsIIIMorrowind Morrowind]] during the previous planetary alignment, in which I ran around some muddy countryside in the rain for a few hours fending off weird sub-human creatures. So basically it was just like [[UsefulNotes/GlastonburyFestival Glastonbury]] [[TakeThat Festival.]]"
* Yahtzee's explanation for why he thinks the Player Character was in jail in the first place - for shagging the Emperor's wife and daughter at the same time, while playing a guitar solo on the corpse of God.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Metal Gear Solid 4]]
* After describing Snake and Otacon's relationship: "That oozing sound you just heard was all the world's [[SlashFic homoerotic fanfiction]] writers simultaneously emitting [[JizzedInMyPants torrents of hot lady-spunk]]." At which point the screen reads "THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT."
* Also for the genuinely batshit plot of the ''Franchise/MetalGear'' series:
-->"Anyway, Solid Snake is tasked with the assassination of his evil clone brother, who is dead, but lives on through his possessed arm, which was grafted onto the body of OH CHRIST I CAN'T GO ON THIS SHIT IS BANANAS" ([[RebusBubble [Image of a turd] = [Image of a banana] ]])
[[/folder]]

[[folder:LEGO Indy]]
* "... I thought I'd better go undercover, drill holes into my head until I'm mentally twelve years old, and try out the new flippity gombo spletch."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Alone in the Dark]]
* The BRollRebus for the phrase "terrible execution" involves a guy stuck in a guillotine backwards so that his feet are about to be chopped off.
* The "Terry vs Gonad" sequence.
* The bit about the female sidekick, Sarah Flores:
-->Perhaps the crowning moment of her hideousness is when she nearly dies and the game forces you to press a button sequence in order to revive her with CPR. Although the spiteful cow never actually dies, no matter how many times you deliberately fuck up. (The accompanying animation depicts the game prompt first saying "PressXToNotDie" before turning into "You going to Press X or What", as Edward casually sits around in a chair and ignores both the prompt and Sarah.)
* If someone serves you a dead dog for lunch, you do not stick around for the pudding.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The [=E3=] Trailer Park]]
* "Those of you that are paying attention will no doubt notice that all these games are sequels, [[http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/157-The-E3-Trailer-Park And for those of you not paying attention...]]" *claps* "OI!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Ninja Gaiden II]]
* From ''NinjaGaiden 2'': "So the gore's been ramped up, and as always, hand-in-hand with Gore comes Titties, [[InterplayOfSexAndViolence his lovely wife and business partner.]]"
* Summing up the ExcusePlot: demons over there, kill they ass.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:PrinceOfPersiaRetrospective]]
* The "Don't stick your dick in a pudding" metaphor.
--> ''(summing up ''Warrior Within'')'' It just goes to show: never stick your dick in a pudding. It might still be good pudding and you can spend all afterrnon explaining that to people but no one's still going to eat it because ''YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN IT!''
** About Warrior Within's [[DarkerAndEdgier darker atmosphere]]:
--> It seems that Ubisoft decided that emo culture was "in," so they went around the office one morning and fired everyone who was smiling.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Soul Calibur IV]]
* Yahtzee creating a character modeled after himself, with the "Charisma" and "Morals" sliders set to ''zero'' while "Bile", "Articulation", "Standards" and "[[NiceHat Hat]]" are all maxed.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Braid]]
* While ranting on the lack of innovation in the games industry:
--> "And do you know who I blame for all this? YOU! Yes, you, the public. Especially you, [[ParanoiaFuel ADRIAN!]] (That probably isn't your name, but it was worth it to freak out all the Adrians in the world.)"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Spore]]
* "Will Wright created ''TheSims'', a franchise which by shrewdly combining user-created assets, the powers of a [[VideogameCrueltyPotential malevolent trickster god]] and a massive amount of implied nudity, now annually makes about [[CashCowFranchise twice as much money as Belgium]]. So can his new game, ''{{Spore}}'', [[ToughActToFollow possibly live up to that legacy]]? In short: No. In long: [[BigNo Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo]][[OverlyLongGag ooooooooo...]]."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Mercenaries 2]]
* "There's an insidious thought that frequently goes through the minds of gamers; and I'm not talking about the ones you get when [[MsFanservice Ivy]] from ''VideoGame/SoulCalibur'''s pants ride up, which are perfectly natural for growing young men."
* On the fear of AlwaysABiggerFish, one of his complaints about ''Mercenaries 2'': "So we have scenarios where you're sitting on a nuclear stockpile to shame North Korea and are throwing peas at a [[GiantEnemyCrab giant robot crab]] on the off-chance that there might be a bigger giant robot crab at the end of it all."
* Yahtzee's new name for the game: [[DeathFromAbove "Airstrikes 2: Hooray for Airstrikes"]].
* The immortal line: "Forgiveness, however, isn't a strong point of mine, so I'll just conclude by saying that ''Mercenaries 2'' can '''eat a dick pavlova.'''"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Clear Sky]]
* Yahtzee [[InsistentTerminology always refers]] to the game by spelling out the letters in "S.T.A.L.K.E.R.", i.e. "Ess-Tee-Ay-Ell-Kay-Ee-Ar: Clear Sky".
* "You couldn't release a buggy game during the cartridge and cassette days, you'd get sentenced to trampling under the company Brontosaurus. But I'll tell you the worst part worst part worst part worst part worst part [[WeAreExperiencingTechnicalDifficulties *System error*]] ''[[OrphanedPunchline And whistled for a baboon]]''!"
** Even funnier is the FreezeFrameBonus error message at this part.
-->This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. Angry policemen are en route and resistance will only make them angrier.
** Then repeated [[BrickJoke at the end of the video]]:
-->This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. If problems persist, sing gentle lullabies and lovingly stroke its hair.
* Also, "Lying prone only lowers your eye level another inch or so, so your character is either extremely fat or uncomfortably well-endowed."
* When he illustrates the difficulty settings with pictures of a kitten, a bigger kitten, a tiger, and then for the hardest setting he shows a picture of [[FurryFandom fursuited guy]]. With all the former ones terrified!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Silent Hill: Homecoming]]
* Yahtzee's tangent on {{Romantic Plot Tumor}}s:
-->"This is another peculiarly American habit that seems to always go unchallenged: why does a love interest subplot have to be shoehorned into everything? Imagine if there was some kind of parallel universe where every game and movie, regardless of genre, was required to incorporate at least one line dancing competition."\\
(''Illustrated by [[Franchise/StarWars Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker]] suddenly interrupting during their climatic lightsaber duel to put on cowboy-hats and start dancing'')\\
"We'd think they were all raving lunatics! And yet here's us forcing in an out-of-place, cheesy romance scene that's more agonizingly painful to watch than any of the actual horror the game is supposed to be about."
* And then the follow up:
-->"And if that's not enough, you get a wise-cracking [[BlackBestFriend black friend]] [[UncleTomfoolery drenched in stereotype]]. Towards the end, there's a bit where you're given the choice to either save him or let him die, [[EthnicScrappy and I could not hit that "No" button fast enough, I tell you that.]]"
* Then finally the conclusion:
-->It's like they had some kind of generic Hollywood movie checklist to fill in. Which makes sense, because the game borrows heavily from the similarly overdone ''Film/SilentHill'' movie, to the point that I half-expected there to be a level where you play as Creator/SeanBean doing something totally fucking irrelevant.\\
(''Slide with Sean Bean playing with a paper airplane'')
* Yahtzee's repurposed title for the game: "[[/folder]]

[[folder: The Adventures of Captain Scowlyface (and his Angsty Little Pal) ]]
"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Saints Row 2]]
* Yahtzee on giving gamers too much freedom, coinciding with his belief that HumansAreMorons [[HumansKillWantonly Who Kill For Fun]]
--> "If you give them guns, they will shoot old ladies. If you give them cars, they will run over old ladies. If you give them aircraft, they will ascend to the highest possible height and hurl themselves out [[RuleOfThree onto an old lady]]."
* "Pure, mindless fun, like wrestling an excitable dog in a paddling pool full of disembodied breasts. [beat] Don't think too much about that simile, I certainly didn't."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Fable II]]
* How he ends the review, claiming that the developers distract players from the game's flaws by going ''"Ooooh wook, it's a doggy! Mash up his widdle face and call him Chips."''
* The completely random and unremarked on cameo by Creator/FyodorDostoevsky, who briefly joins the AuthorAvatar in the animation.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Fallout 3]]
* The beginning of the review:
--> ...[[BreatherEpisode Yeah, it's pretty good.]] ''(cue credits, which get cut short after two slides)'' [[AvertedTrope Alright]], [[CausticCritic alright!]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Guitar Hero: World Tour]]
* Wait until after the credits to hear Yahtzee ''sing'' his [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6j8jMn2Kcgs "Deus Ex Song."]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Mirror's Edge]]
* At the end of his paragraph decrying the excessive use of bloom effects, Yahtzee says the last two sentences in a tone that is matter-of-fact yet filled to the brim with weary resignation mixed with mild disgust. The way it caps the {{Bathos}} of the bit turns it into comic gold.
-->"So he did. And then he ate his own shoes."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Left 4 Dead]]
* "...but the repetition is eased by the so-called AI Director, an omnipotent figure watching silently from the shadows who creates dramatic tension by conjuring health and ammo at the point when you need it and a billion zombies whenever he’s bored; [[TheComputerIsACheatingBastard which is all the time.]] "
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Tomb Raider Underworld]]
* "Innovation is to this franchise what a double cheeseburger would be to a lactose-intolerant Hindu!"
** And the image of vampire Lara recoiling and hissing at the sight of the double cheeseburger.
* Not to mention his hilarious matchmaking of Lara: [[spoiler:[[Franchise/FridayThe13th Jason Voorhees.]]]]
-->They've got so much in common: they both have an embarrassing amount of adventures that all follow an extremely specific formula; they both have an irresistible compulsion to murder God's creatures; they've both spent a lot of time underground; and most importantly neither of them will ever ''JUST FUCKING DIE!''"
* Lara staring at her hands in a way that indicates MyGodWhatHaveIDone after shooting someone. Followed by her casually brushing off some dust and wearing the dead guy's brain on her head, saying [[AxCrazy "I'M MISTER BRAIN HAT!"]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Far Cry 2]]
* Whenever he turns on the South African accent.
* During the same review: "It brings to mind an animal rights activist freeing a captive bunny rabbit into the wild only for it to bewilderedly sit among daisies for several hours before a predator [the predator being [[ManVsWild Bear Grylls]]] comes along and bites its entire body off."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Little Big Planet]]
* "There's a very in-depth level designer built in, with a host of tutorials you'll be tempted to go through just to have Stephen Fry tonguing your coc....hleah for hours on end"
** Topped during the middle of the video when he "finishes" the review.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Thief: The Dark Project]]
* The "masterfully executed Link", with accompanying [[VisualPun visual gag]], was an almost painfully hilarious {{Lampshaded}} segue.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:House of the Dead: Overkill]]
* The part with [[Franchise/SuperMarioBros Bowser]] in front of an arcade game.
-->'''Yahtzee''': Fittingly it's totally retro with the entirety of the controls being little more than "press B to shoot" and "don't press B to not shoot".\\
[Bowser demonstrates by repeatedly smashing his nose into the button on the machine until he falls onto his back having bloodied his face and knocked himself out, with the game then telling him "You need to shoot some more."
* This bit.
-->'''Yahtzee's TV''': By de way dem cunts be dead.
-->'''Yahtzee's AuthorAvatar''': YOU IS DE CUNT!
* His metaphor of Nintendo as the first survivor killed in a ZombieApocalypse, XBox as the heroine, and PS3 as VingRhames, culminating in a VisualPun about the "tortured metaphor" with [[JackBauerInterrogationTechnique Jack Bauer]] at a computer.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:50 Cent: Blood on the Sand]]
* "Remove your presumptions and we find ourself playing a game about an extremely rich man (who wears two hats for no adequate reason) destabilizing a developing nation in order to steal what little wealth it has for himself. Presumably to spend on fur coats made of diamonds to wear on stage while singing about how great he is."
* The CurseCutShort.
* The credits blurb about the game being the story about how 50 Cent destabilized the Middle East and thereby caused the events of ''VideoGame/ModernWarfare'' series.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Resident Evil 5]]
* "It's like watching someone beat their fists against a wall and run off to hospital only to do it some more. And they used my medical insurance. And it's my wall."
** Which is just a small part of Yahtzee's hilarious rant about the ArtificialStupidity of his NPC sidekick.
*** "One time I was low on health - but not too low - and was about to use a small herb to keep myself going when I saw my partner coming towards me brandishing a valuable large herb. And when you're running away from your support character with more desperate terror than you feel for any of the actual monsters, something has definitely gone wrong somewhere!"
* "If you want to wear armor, that takes up a space too. You're carrying your armor in a pocket of your armor!" Queue a picture of Chris screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" while he falls through infinite recurring armors.
* "But let's close this review with a revisit of that lovely matter of racism that's been hanging around like a bad smell. [=RE5=] actually does a lot to defer that accusation. Your partner is black [[ButNotTooBlack (a bit)]], quite a few whiteys are scattered throughout the early hordes, and real effort has been put into a somewhat realistic and sympathetic depiction of modern Africa. ''And then...!'' Halfway through the game, we suddenly find ourselves in a succession of mud hut villages fighting crowds of jabbering black people in loincloths and war paint, chucking spears. ''Oh, dears!'' [[OutOfTheFryingPan Talk about sidestepping a pothole only to fall off a bridge]]. But one needn't be worried unless there's genuine hatred behind it, [[InnocentBigot and I don't get that impression]]. Creator/{{Capcom}} [[HanlonsRazor aren't bad people, they're just idiots!]]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Halo Wars]]
* TheStinger of the [[http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/645-Halo-Wars review.]] [[spoiler: The imps discuss how tasty Pedigree Dog Food is. Yahtzee is not amused.]]
** Or [[AlternateCharacterInterpretation alternatively]] [[spoiler:he just wanted his NiceHat back]].
* The rant
--> [About his hostage units on EscortMission disappearing after the timer runs out] "We lost contact!" went the character... [[PunctuatedForEmphasis BULL. FUCKING. SHIT.]] (the words "[[GoshDangitToHeck WHAT. ARBITRARY. SILLINESS.]]" appear in synchrony with his swearing). All possible threats were dead! We didn't lose contact - I was looking at them - They were RIGHT. FUCKING. THERE! They were so close we could communicate by '''waggling our eyebrows at each other'''! What the fuck happened when the stupid arbitrary time limit ran out!? Did their ''Film/BattleRoyale'' collars explode!? Did they lose honor and disembowel themselves? '''WHAT'''?!\\
And just to put the cherry on it, you know who they were? ''Absolutely bloody no one!'' Generic faceless ''pricks'' of the sort I'd vat-grown about ''fifty of'' that day alone! But we didn't make it in time, so they were going to make me do the '''''whole fucking mission again!'''''\\
As the exasperated Chinese zookeeper said to the last male panda in the world, '''FUCK! THAT!'''
*** It becomes about a million times more funny when you realise that this is the first -- and likely only -- time that Yahtzee has sounded seriously legitimately angry. Not jokey-acting anger, serious, honest to god "WHAT THE FUCK" anger. And it's '''[[InLoveWithYourCarnage beautiful.]]'''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Tom Clancy's H.A.W.X.]]
* During the review he illustrates the enemy PMC attacking Washington. Then the giant, bug-eyed Uncle Sam pops up behind them with a giant "OI!" beside him.
* Also "I know that drama demands that the enemy actually be a plausible threat, but I still think it'd have been more credible if the enemy had been an army of disgruntled insect people from the Earth's core ([[OverlyLongGag five]] [[{{Beat}} second]] [[OutOfCharacterMoment pause]])... WEARING SILLY HATS."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Siren: Blood Curse]]
* His praise of "Sightjacking" as an interesting concept, [[VisualPun portrayed as an eyeball]] on ADateWithRosiePalms.
* Another one of his odd metaphors crops up - "As the leper said to his mistress, 'Where's the bloody point?'"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Valkyria Chronicles]]
* His summarized feelings for [=JRPGs=]:
--> "If you're new to this series, let me briefly summarize my feelings towards [=JRPGs=]: UUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEHHH RRRRAEEEEEEEUUUUUHHHH and every single one of them is about androgynous twelve-year-olds killing Satan."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Duke Nukem Forever]]
* Oh Lord, it's difficult to pick just one part of this review as being funnier than the rest. It really must be [[http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/748-Duke-Nukem-Forever seen to be believed.]] Some backstory: The game won Viewer's Choice on Yahtzee's Facebook page. Thing is, [[spoiler:the game wasn't actually out yet. The whole review is a big sarcastic joke about the game's [[DevelopmentHell ''long'' development cycle and has to be one of his best videos.]]]] Highlights include:
* The major changes the game goes through as it progresses:
--> '''Yahtzee''': I started the game first-person shooting at terrorists in a military complex, then four or five hours later I was in a restaurant on the Moon making ravioli for an incoming alien wedding party. And I honestly couldn’t tell you where any significant changes occurred in the intervening time!
** Even better, in the accompanying visuals, you can see a sign that reads "CONGRATULATIONS [[AerithAndBob VL'HURG AND STEVE]]". In fact, it provides the page image for AerithAndBob.
* The "fake" screenshots and trailers for the game:
--> '''Yahtzee''': But what really boggles my mind is the sheer amount of effort that went into the fake screenshots and trailers that were released throughout development to give the false impression that the game was an utterly generic brown FPS that any competent studio could have farted out in a year or two, and that the entire team were time-wasting cock sections with the work ethic of an ''overweight house cat with no legs''.
* Every single part of Yahtzee praising the game's control scheme:
--> '''Yahtzee''': Every single mode of gameplay in this extravaganza is controlled through an intuitive full body interface. You move Duke’s arms with the analog sticks and his legs with the shoulder buttons. So to walk forward you alternate pressing L1 and R1 and you’d be amazed how immersive that gets after a while. The buttons are used for facial expressions, so you press X to move your mouth, Triangle to pick your nose, and Square and Circle to wiggle your ears. These are all mostly used to endear yourself to the many rascally children you have to befriend, but they’re also used for problem solving, such as at the point where Duke is strapped to an operating table and needs to activate a crossbow someone left next to his head. Also for the first ten minutes or so you can also use the SIXAXIS to rotate Duke’s neck, but then there’s a hilarious [[BreakingTheFourthWall fourth wall breaking sequence]] where Duke bursts into the lead designer’s office and punches him in the stomach for being so fucking stupid.
* The game's dolphin races, which are portrayed on screen through an image of Duke racing a bazooka-wielding Adolf Hitler through the seas on dolphins. And Hitler's dolphin even has a Swastika!
* The game's amazing achievements, especially as [[spoiler: Yahtzee descends into an [[MotorMouth insanely fast]] LeaningOnTheFourthWall fuelled rant about the final achievement, which appears to hit a hit too CloseToHome]]:
--> '''Yahtzee''': It’s difficult to pin down my favourite aspect of Duke Nukem Forever between the dolphin races and the gun that shoots dogs and the liberal use of full frontal nudity. But I think the achievements deserve particular mention. It’s not just the usual token achievement every time you beat a chapter and a big one at the end, ''No sir!'' Duke Nukem Forever makes you fucking work for your gamer score. There’s the achievement for beating the final boss using only your ears; There’s the achievement for playing the whole game with the controller immersed in icy water; The achievement for placing a Wii Fit board in front of the TV and obliterating it with a croquet mallet; But the hardest one of all is [[spoiler:the achievement for turning off the console, leaving the house, meeting a nice girl, taking a sailing boat around the world, having three beautiful blonde children, and finally dying content with the knowledge that ''you didn’t spend [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall twelve years waiting for an utterly pedestrian sequel to a game that everyone stopped caring about around 1997'' '''''to be released by a developer that makes John Romero look on the ball!]]''''']]. Which is a huge challenge because [[spoiler:[[ComicallyMissingThePoint if just one of those kids turns out brunette then you have to start all over again]]!]]
* It becomes even more apparent in the next section:
--> '''Yahtzee''': My one criticism for Duke Nukem Forever is that it comes on 14 [=DVDs=]. But I’d expect nothing less from a game with such a long development time! And every second is on display! And a good thing too, I mean hypothetically [[spoiler:if 3D Realms hadn’t used the time to put together a titanic super game and had been merely jerking off for twelve years then it raises unfortunate implications. It means that not only can a studio be staffed entirely by howler monkeys but there are also investors, who probably consider themselves to be quite serious people, who will pay them to jump about and wee on things for over a decade, while talented people with great ideas for games are snubbed because they’ve never had dinner with John Carmack or whatever. And then when the monkeys present nothing more entertaining then a fistful of poo on a tray and they get sued for all their bananas, a bunch of extremely thick people, who still genuinely believe that something half decent could come out of this rigmarole, would say “That’s tragic!” '''NO IT IS NOT TRAGIC!''' If you get sued because you were paid to do a job you didn’t do, that's not tragic, that's how the world should be! And you are a magnificent retard who should have their brain taken away by social services!]]
** The best part is that when he mentions [[spoiler:getting paid to do a job you didn't do]], the visuals show [[spoiler:The Escapist's logo walking up to Yahtzee, showing him a piece of paper that reads "CONTRACT: REVIEW [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial ACTUAL GAMES]] [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall THAT EXIST]]'' and then taking away Yahtzee's desk.]]
* The ending of the review, and subsequent credits:
--> '''Yahtzee''': But anyway, the point was [[spoiler:[[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial I’m just glad I don’t live in a world where such scenarios exist]]. Now I better stop here because I promised Jimi Hendrix that we’d go pony trekking under the sea.]]
** And then the credits show [[spoiler:him and Jimi Hendix riding seahorses under the sea, Kimi Hendrix putting on an underwater performance and then getting blown up from a missile launched from a Yellow Submarine.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Second Annual E3 Hype Massacre]]
* While conducting [[http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/779-The-Second-Annual-E3-Hype-Massacre his second annual overview of games previewed at E3:]] "''VideoGame/FinalFantasyXIV''! I feel that anything I could say would be repeating myself, so I'm just going to express my feelings with a strangled noise from the back of my throat: Aughhghhghghhghghhghghggh."
** What's even better is that he continues doing that over the end credits music, even attempting to keep with the tune.
*** Made better still when he realizes the "epic guitar solo" ending is coming up. You can hear him very quickly say "Fuck" before inhaling and bracing for impact.
* "VideoGame/{{Bayonetta}}! As in 'Hey, yo' betta not play this game-' OH, FUCK YOU!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Prototype]]
* When comparing the two protagonists: "I had to laugh at a moment when I was on a mission, plowing a tank through a crowded street, and over the agonized screams, Alex said: "Gawrsh, I sure hope this is the right thing to do!" It's like if Series/MrBean were a mass murderer."
* "A sandbox is only as good as the method by which you get around it, and [[VideoGame/{{inFAMOUS}} Cole]] has a tendency to get bogged down with climbing, while Alex can shoot blood out of his wrists at jet engine velocity and ''fly'', like emo Peter Pan." ("THINK WHINY THOUGHTS")
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Sims 3]]
* "This may sound a bit hysterical, but ''The Sims 3'' is probably the most evil game in the world."
* At the beginning he says he's reviewing this game because ''VideoGame/GhostbustersTheVideoGame'', which he'd rather be reviewing, hasn't been released in Australia yet.
-->"My future self will probably be playing it by the time this video goes out, but ''fuck'' my future self, he's got something against me ever since he started putting on weight."\\
[Present!Yahtzee starts eating a doughnut roughly a quarter the size of his body, causing the gut of Future!Yahtzee to jut out, much to the latter's dismay.]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood]]
* Every time the party blower comes out in the ''[[VideoGame/CallOfJuarezBoundInBlood Call of HWAREZ]]'' review.
** "...and no, for some reason, I cannot pronounce '''[[InsistentTerminology Hwarez]]''' any differently..."
** "This may surprise you, but[[spoiler:--" *party whistle*]]
** The bit during the ''VideoGame/SilentHill2'' review with the party blower coming out of Yahtzee's hat. And the look of shock coming from Yahtzee as a result.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:2.5D Hoedown]]
* The distraught level designer in the 2.5D Hoedown who follows him around crying with "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" taking up the entire top third of the screen.
* The subversion of XMeetsY at the end.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Tales of Monkey Island]]
* Yahtzee's terrible-Irish-accent half of the review of ''TalesOfMonkeyIsland'' was [[CrossesTheLineTwice painfully hilarious]].
** [[TakeThatUs Chances are good that you may find it funny even if you are Irish.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Wolfenstein]]
* "[[VideoGame/{{Wolfenstein}} It's so obnoxiously safe and committee designed]] that any attempt to critique it in my normal manner would be equally as dull. ...so that why I've decided to review it ''[[http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/916-Wolfenstein in Limerick form]]''".
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Batman: Arkham Asylum]]
* While describing the game's combat: "[[PressXToNotDie Press X to]] [[strike:not die]] [[SubvertedTrope KICK ASS]]."
* Also from the ''Arkham Asylum'' video, at 1:58 of the review, he shows Batman pouncing on and killing a mother cat - complete with mourning kittens.
* "Another tool in Batman's arse...enal is the Detective Vision; I guess you can't call it 'Bat-Vision', then it'd be a black screen."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Scribblenauts]]
* "...But as I tapped the block to break it, it shifted slightly, and I clicked the background and ''fuck'', it was like my character had been waiting all day for me to do do that. He flung his pick into the air and started jumping up and down like he wanted to be a cloud when he grew up."
* "''{{Scribblenauts}}'' comes to us from 5th Cell Media, a bunch of work-shy cheaters whose most notable previous title is ''DrawnToLife'', a game so unfinished that the player had to do half the art design themselves [...] After ''DrawnToLife'' they wanted to prove they're not above drawing stuff themselves, so they drew every single object on Earth. Talk about overcompensating!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Wet]]
* There is one particular hilarious line.
-->"The main character is Rubi, a tomboyish assassin who is about as likeable and sympathetic as a deep-sea angler fish in an SS uniform."
** "She's arrogant, rude, surly, psychotic, selfish, greedy, joyless, and really rather ''[[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking dim]]''."
* The utter lampooning of terrible gaming ideas scattered throughout ''{{Wet}}'''s design through use of the game programmer "Pillock," who does everything to please the octopus in his brain, and causes his boss to be DrivenToSuicide.
* "global wobal wobbity bits"
* His TakeThat of Rule of Cool gunplay: "The gunplay is based around Rubi's ability to [[GunsAkimbo automatically shoot one enemy while manually aiming with the other gun,]] which is an effective gameplay mechanic, but it only works when [[LeapAndFire she's leaping through the air]] or [[WallRun wallrunning]] or [[GunFu sliding along the ground like she's being carried along by an army of beetles.]] And at all other times she forgets that [[DualWielding she's holding more than one gun,]] so apparently she's got an air-cooled brain. It's most reminiscent of Stranglehold, and has the same problem that game had. [[RuleOfCool Yes, it's kind of thrilling when]] [[JohnWoo Inspector Tequila]] [[GunFu dives sideways]] in [[BulletTime slow motion]] shooting dual pistols while [[DisturbedDoves doves fly out of his ass,]] but when he does it [[WillingSuspensionOfDisbelief 15 times in a row you start to wonder if he has some kind of inner rear dove-shitting disorder.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story]]
* A dog ''randomly gets rocketed out of his DS''.
** Not entirely random--just the scene prior his avatar had been saying "Out, out!" to [[{{Squick}} a horrible mental image]] as Yahtzee-as-narrator described 'another bizarre bit,' and apparently between those two something in the handheld obliged him in the most hilarious way possible.
* "...unless you're some kind of recently unfrozen neanderthal and this is your first experience with electronic media, in which case: '''''RARRGH!''' Submit your soul to the one-eyed demon!''"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Dragon Age: Origins]]
* "I'd like to see a Tolkienesque fantasy where the humans ''aren't'' the biggest pricks in the room. I mean, a lot of my friends are humans, and some of them are all right."
** "HELLO, YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Assassin’s Creed II]]
* The episode starts with Yahtzee's mangling of a saying familiar to Europeans (and ''[[Webcomic/AxisPowersHetalia Hetalia]]'' fans):
-->"[...] In heaven [[HollywoodCuisine the food is Italian]], [[BritishCoppers the police are British]], [[VideoGame/PrinceOfPersiaTheSandsOfTime the platformers are French]], [[VideoGame/SeriousSam the shooters are Croatian]], and it's all run by two international software giants and an electronics corporation. [[ForeignQueasine In hell the food is British]], [[VideoGame/TooHuman the shooters are Canadian]], [[{{Metaphorgotten}} and I forget the rest]], but basically the gist of the saying is that [[AcceptableNationalityTargets Italians are all tossers]]."
* The game's fast-travel system, here depicted as Ezio being shot out of a cannon.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Demon's Souls]]
* Describing a boss fight with what he describes as a giant cow pat: "Anyway, I eventually managed to return the monster to cow pat hell..." (showing him GolfClubbing the cow pat followed by it landing next to a sign saying [[TakeThat "Welcome to Sussex"]].)
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Holiday 2009]]
* [[spoiler:"Oh, what the fuck are you doing here? It's Christmas, haven't you got families to resent? This is my one week off, I'm going on holiday."]]
** [[spoiler:"... That's ''summer'' holiday, by the way. Hope that northern hemisphere's weather's working out for you."]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Awards for 2009]]
* "The Everything-Proof Shield Award for Most Obstinate Refusal to Die";
--> "[After explaining why he does not give the award to Mario] -so instead I'm giving it to [[TakeThat Michael Atkinson]]; a south-Australian Attorney-General who continues to ensure that half the games get banned or censored, and whose ancient, black, dried-up little heart still manfully strives to keep him alive in the face of the searing waves of hatred that are broadcast to him from all over the nation AND the world, every second of every day. Well done, you ''[[SophisticatedAsHell miserable old fuck]]''"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Darksiders]]
* When complaining about {{Wangst}}y, [[TestosteronePoisoning testosterone-poisoned]] protagonists:
-->If I were War and I just hoisted a seven-foot demon into the air and chopped it in half with a single swing, I wouldn't stand there scowling. I'd go, "Fucking hell! Did anyone just see that!? I am squirting machismo out of my ''nipples'' over here! I am a ''monster truck'' that walks like a ''man''!"
* The whole beginning of the review as well:
-->''Well bugger my bumblebee's breadbin! First weeks of Twenty-Ten are going to be fun, aren't they? ''VideoGame/{{Darksiders}}'', ''VideoGame/{{Bayonetta}}'', ''VideoGame/DantesInferno'', and ''VideoGame/GodOfWarIII''... ''God of War'' ripoff, ''God of War'' ripoff, ''God of War'' ripoff, and... Well, ''Franchise/GodOfWar''.''
* And while we're at it, the part we're he reveals ''VideoGame/{{Darksiders}}'' shameless rip-off of ''Franchise/TheLegendOfZelda'':
-->''I don't think [borrowing from Legend of Zelda]'s the case, thought. To say ''Darksiders'' "borrows heavily" implies they did some work of their own. A better phrase would be "Completely Rips-Off with about much shame and emotion as the fucking [[Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration Borg collective]]"! I appreciate that taking elements from a good game that work well and play around with menu scenarios isn't a bad way to design games, but when you have a boomerang that can hit multiple targets, a grappling hook that pulls you to climbable walls, and puzzle dungeon about deflecting beams of light with movable mirrors, we've moved from simple "homage" to the territory of "spraying a stolen car and re-selling it to the owner"! Thankfully the last dungeon introduces a gadget that has never been in a Zelda game: [[VideoGame/{{Portal}} A gun that opens blue and orange portals]]!'' ... '''Outstanding'''.
* "...The main character looks like someone sat down, started drawing him, ''and then never fucking stopped.'' [...] What War looks like is a fucking coral reef on legs."
* "Here are the combos you will need to know to master ''Darksiders'': the Chump Chop ('Square'), the Double Chump Chop ('Square'+'Square'), and the Whipped Cream Genocide Brouhaha ('Square'+'Square'+'Square')."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Bayonetta]]
* His mental breakdowns over the utterly complex plots of the game in question and, get this, ''[[PacMan Pac-Man]]''.
--> Eat pills, avoid ghosts... only sometimes you can eat the ghosts as well if you-AUGH!
* Speaking of VideoGame/{{Bayonetta}}, his British 'immunity' to her.
--> "Fortunately, being [[BritishStuffiness English]], and therefore utterly repulsed by the slightest sexual urge of myself and everyone around me, I am immune from any callous attempt to touch my heart via my wrinkly undercarriage, and VideoGame/{{Bayonetta}} looks about as sexy to me as a pencil stuck through a couple of grapes."
* The series of {{Freudian slip}}s the make a lie of that last comment.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Dark Void]]
* The 'Inspiration-o-meter'.
* ''DarkVoid'' is "a game that ran out of something. Maybe it was money, or time, or will[[note]]WillSmith's face[[/note]], or employees, or maybe a giant monster frog demolished their studio while battling Franchise/{{Godzilla}}."
* "''DarkVoid'' started off pretty rocky, but between the rocks I caught a glimpse of something beautiful with cleavage that could hold up a fucking Christmas tree. But once I'd caught up with it and we'd started making out, all its teeth fell into my mouth and gave me scurvy."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Borderlands]]
* Describing Borderlands as an "FPS RPG [[FunWithAcronyms (OMG)]]".
* Yahtzee's depiction of a USB glove controller for MMORPG fans, [[SchmuckBait where you get one experience point every time you punch yourself in the face]].
* [[InsistentTerminology Referring]] to the game's setting as "[[Film/{{Avatar}} Pandora]][[NamesTheSame -no-not-that-one]]".
* "Interface 101: the less clicks, the better." [[CrossesTheLineTwice (Shoots a dolphin)]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Mass Effect 2]]
* The resource harvesting: "Which is as interesting as it sounds, and it sounds like this: '''BWUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH...'''"
** The description of "the BioWare face" [[GoingThroughTheMotions problem]] has to be seen:
---> "Hello Commander Shepard (wave-hand), I heard you might show up today (nod-head), how 'bout those freaky aliens, eh? (shake-fist, grr-grr, slightly racist undercurrent)"
---> Shepard's response: (Paragon) You should learn to respect other cultures. (Renegade) RAAR! SHEPARD SMASH!!!
* Preceded by BioWare no longer scoring points for writing.
---> Birds fly, fish swim, [[BreadEggsMilkSquick Michael Atkinson molests dogs]], and BioWare games have good writing.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Dante's Inferno]]
* On the game’s ViralMarketing:
--> "[...]I'd rather go to the hell for the wrathful than the hell for people who work in the [[Creator/ElectronicArts EA marketing department]], [[TakeThat which I'm pretty sure is the EA marketing department]]."
* Yahtzee refers to the KarmaMeter system in terms of [[VideoGame/MassEffect renegading or paragoning]] lost souls for either meter, and later on comments on the pointlessness of it all:
--> "'So what's the point of having two different experience levels?' you ask. 'Well, it's like my right hand on a Sunday night,' I say. 'Why's that?' you ask. [[ADateWithRosiePalms 'IT BEATS THE FUCK OUT OF ME!']]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Bioshock 2]]
* "Grr, your selfless compassion fills me with murder frenzy!" and his comments about how playing as a Big Daddy is a bit like "making a sequel to ''VideoGame/{{Half-Life}}'' where you get to play as a gun turret." Complete with a diagram of the controls.
** Could be more HilariousInHindsight, seeing as one of the characters in ''VideoGame/{{Portal 2}}'''s co-operative mode is a robot adapted from a turret.
* "Instead of playing PipeDream for half-an-hour at every turn, you do a pseudo-quicktime event for a few seconds instead, [[ARareSentence and apparently the universe is about to explode]], because the quicktime events have actually ''improved'' the game."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Aliens vs. Predator]]
* The opening of the review:
-->"Aliens vs. Predator is one of those concepts you're probably not supposed to think too much about, especially not the title. Surely they're both aliens, and come to think of it they're both predators, too. Perhaps a more explanatory title is necessary, like Big Dribbly Black Thing That Likes Eating Lance Henriksen and Has a Head That Makes You Wonder About What Sort of Relationship H. R. Giger Had With His Father vs. Big Clicky Invisible Thing with a Crab for a Face That Always Seems to End Up Getting Beaten Up By Big Stupid Lads Wearing Dirty Pants."
* Also, his description of the ''Franchise/{{Alien}}'' formula:
--> "Aliens take over facility, Marines get sent in to take care of it the same way that bits of bread get sent into ponds to take care of the ducks. And there's inevitably some stupid, evil business/military guy who wants to harness the Aliens, and the more times this happens the more evil and stupid they get: 'Okay, so the last 60 evil, stupid guys who tried to control the Aliens all got their brains spread on cream crackers and served as canapes at the Alien hoedown, but I think their problem was just not being evil and stupid enough'"
* Concerning combat against Aliens while controlling a Predator:
--> It plays like a hack'n'slasher that was designed by a pilchard. (Picture shows a exasperated pilchard at a computer saying FUCK YES).
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Battlefield: Bad Company 2]]
* He actually mentions Haggard's Truck-o-saurus Rex from the first game in it.
* His description of the game also warrants a mention: "ModernWarfare Modern Warfare click click jabber jabber hello bang dead"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Final Fantasy XIII]]
* "As a highly respected and successful game critic—SHUT UP, I AM!"
* "So far, I've established that the two lead-ish characters are named Lightning and Snow, which are both things that could ruin a picnic. There's also another guy called Hope, as in, 'I Hope we can get these sandwiches back in the car before any Snow or Lightning happens.'"
* QUACK
* "This [[TheScrappy Hope]] guy has been established from the start as a whiny, weak, inept, cowardly, socially retarded mummy's boy, so presumably, [[ThisLoserIsYou he's the character most of the audience are meant to project onto]]."
* "I know what you're gonna say: 'Yahtzee, please take your dick out of my eye socket!’"
* "If this were ''VideoGame/ModernWarfare'', I'd have curb-checked every terrorist in the free world by now."
* "[[TheStinger I checked and yep,]] [[RuleThirtyFour there’s already erotic fanart of the FF13 characters]]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Just Cause 2]]
* "Some might say that's enough. Some might say I'm too hard to please. But some can shut their fucking mouths." Accompanied by the heckling Imps being ''chased by a tiger.''
* In the same (surprisingly positive) review, he portrays main character [[VideoGame/JustCause Rico]] as a fearsome wizard with almighty control of physics. [[YouFailPhysicsForever He might not be too far off the mark.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Silent Hill: Shattered Memories]]
* "''[[JustForPun Shuttered Mammaries]]'' is technically a remake of ''VideoGame/SilentHill 1'', in the same way a dog biting off your dick is technically foreplay." With animation of a dog tugging on a long black bar protruding from Yahtzee's crotch with the word "YUM" written on it while Yahtzee stands there doing nothing except for [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction widening his eyes]], the dog finally separating it from his body and walking away with it leaving a trail of blood, and Yahtzee staring after the dog with a big heart floating over his head.
* ''Shuttered Mammaries'' gives you a psychological analysis based on your playing choices [caption: YOU'RE A PRICK] and told Yatzee he was "fastidiously clean and tidy" (besides trying hard to ignore the rubbish piling up in the kitchen), "family-oriented" (living on the other side of the world from them and never writing) and "possibly crap in bed". "[{{Beat}}] ...moving on..."
* "And some of the characters wear different clothes. I don't find that red dress particularly intimidating, but - oh fuck, a pink dress, ''shit's gettin' real!''"
* His description of the blue-tinted Dark World resembling "the night God drank his Slurpee too fast" accompanied by an image of God clutching his head in agony and screaming "FUCK" had this troper in stitches.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Splinter Cell: Conviction]]
* The critique of the IdiotPlot and how the villains are TooDumbToLive.
-->"Note that Sam only finds out about the conspiracy after it sends thugs to kill him, so the baddies said to themselves, 'Hey, the one guy who could threaten our operation is in a different country and isn't the slightest bit interested in our stupid conspiracy. ''Fuck that'', let's go shoot at him!'"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:[=NieR=]]]
* "Before the game tells you his name it asks you if you can come up with a better one, and thus began the adventures of Twattycake, defender of the innocent."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Dead to Rights: Retribution]]
* "In case you never played the first game here's a [[RunningGag Dead To Rights Recap]]: BANG PUNCH BANG PUNCH BANG PUNCH WOOF!"
* "Let's just hope it doesn't end up Dead To Rights: Retarded. That would be Dead To Rights: Regrettable."
* About the [[DesignatedHero Protagonist]]:
--> " I feel Jack is following the letter rather than the spirit of the law. A law completely unique to Jack Slate, given to him by some kind of [[AxeCrazy mad]] ocelot god [[GreatGazoo only he can see]]."
* About the takedowns:
--> "You slap around the enemy enough and he'll get disoriented. Press a button and both he and Jack you'll get transported to a little pocket dimension where ''pain is God, and Jack Slate is'' '''pope'''!"
* And the conclusion:
--> "I even have a good name for a sequel. Dead to Rights: Really. Really, really, really... really, really, really... ''Dumb''."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Monster Hunter Tri]]
* Yahtzee doesn't get most [=JRPGs=]. Not the sex games though. ''Those'' he understands. Even the visual novels.
* The proper title for ''VideoGame/MonsterHunter Tri'':
--> "But I guess calling it ''"Hunter/Gatherer of Innocent Young Dinosaurs Pathetically Mewling Their Last as the Memory of Their Mother's Warmth Drifts Away to Be Replaced by the Unforgiving Coldness of"''... oh fuck it, let's just call it: '''"YouBastard"'''."
* "You can play the game with the Wii-mote and nunchuk in the same way you can technically compete in a fencing competition using only your erect penis." (complete with the image of a guy's "DADDY" cut off by said fencing opponent.)
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Alan Wake]]
* ''AlanWake'' has a side-quest where you collect pages of manuscript about the story you're currently playing. Alan picks up one which reads "Then Alan was savaged by the biggest and most sexually frustrated bear that has ever lived." The bear then appears behind him with a big censor bar on its crotch reading "GENTLE BEN!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Red Dead Redemption]]
* " Sometimes [=NPCs=] will get caught in weird quantum singularities, and flicker in and out of a parallel universe where men have merged with horses. Sometimes John's walk animation fails, and he glides merrily around like he's on rocket skates. At one point his love of his country got the better of him, and I had to reboot, to stop him humping a mountain."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Alpha Protocol]]
* Thornton being "[[AddedAlliterativeAppeal The Ponciest little Ponce that ever ponced past the Poncing Parlor]]".
* The visuals depicting ''AlphaProtocol'''s "incomprehensible miasma" of a plot.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:E3 2010]]
* The prediction about what Microsoft's Kinect might turn out like:
-->"So everything will be fine until a wasp gets in the room, and then your character will promptly throw all their grenades away and pummel a chair! "
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Super Mario Galaxy 2]]
* About the standard Mario ExcusePlot setup:
-->[...] the plot of many Mario games can be enlivened somewhat by assuming that "cake" is the Mushroom Kingdom word for "sex"; The Princess invites Mario over for some... ''cake'', but Bowser kidnaps her so she can make some... ''cake'' for him instead, only now he's five hundred feet tall and emperor of the universe, so she'd better make sure her "''cake''" is spread ''quite'' wide.
* The text adventure bit.
-->You are a greasy Italian spaz standing on a platform unsupported in the yawning void of space.\\
What now?\\
'''>DIE OF ASPHYXIATION'''\\
You can't do that (somehow).\\
What now?\\
'''>JUMP'''\\
You jump, emitting a hearty vocalization like a flamboyant homosexual being goosed while breathing helium.\\
'''>AGAIN'''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Crackdown 2]]
* The bit about the online multiplayer: "Joining random online games is like walking into an aviary full of nitrous oxide and trying to play scrabble with the kookaburras while they stand around having sex with your mum."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Split/Second: Velocity]]
* [[InsistentTerminology "Split Stroke Second Colon Velocity"]]
* About driving games in general: "I like them, but I'm terrible at them. It's the exact opposite of the problem I have with fellatio."
** Driving in real life: "I doubt things would be easier to get around if I was six feet wide and constantly farting carbon monoxide. I don't know how [[YourMom your mum]] does it."
** The early proto-man, working on the wheel and threatened by woolly mammoths; "Yes, life was tough in [[MargaretThatcher Thatcher's]] Britain."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Transformers: War For Cybertron]]
* At the end:
-->"There, you may now e-mail me to explain in close detail how the death of Optimus Prime was your generation's ''{{Theatre/Othello}}''."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days]]
* On the game's cameraman: "And when you try sprinting, ''Christ!'' It's like his kneecaps have been replaced with ''slinkies!''"
** The accompanying illustrations depicting an InUniverseCamera named "Brian" who eagerly runs around behind the titular duo, and Kane telling Lynch to "Just pretend that he's not here."
* His remark at the very end of the review was also incredibly funny, especially when you start to hear his voice develop a rather serious growl to it, like Yahtzee was slipping out of his ZP persona and delivering a criticism of the game out-of-character while at the same time sounding like he was shouting the line.
-->"Kane and Lynch 2 sucks so many dicks that it now breathes ''spunk'' '''instead of air'''!!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Mafia II]]
* "We all agree Prohibition was a stupid law, right? So why is it socially acceptable to crave a nice cup of tea in the morning or a cigarette after a knobbing, but the moment I try to pound half a kilo of smack into my eyeballs everyone thinks there's something wrong with me?!" Accompanied by a female imp in bed next to Yahtzee visibly freaking out when he produces a syringe ''as big as his entire body'' and jabs it into his eye.
* "They were going to call it ''Quest for the Sausage Fountain'', but you know how people are, you have to spell everything out."
* Every mention of "fast whores" is accompanied by a female imp flying about at high speed.
* The various comparisons of the gameplay to a boring office jobs, such as "filing bullets under faces".
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Metroid: Other M]]
* While talking about the development team, Team Ninja: "...''VideoGame/DeadOrAlive: Extreme Beach Volleyball'', or, as it's sometimes known, ''[[{{Gainaxing}} BOING!]]''"
* Also from that review, his hilariously accurate impersonation of Samus' [[DullSurprise monotone voice]] and [[PurpleProse overly flowerly way of speaking]].
** ''And'' his suggestion that they get '''{{BRIAN BLESSED}}''' to voice Samus... and how that ''still'' wouldn't work because [[WhoWritesThisCrap the writing in general is agonizingly awful]].
* On a more meta note: "On a educated guess, though, the evil guy was probably the one with the evil mustache" becomes much funnier when said character is the most likely one to be TheMole.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Amnesia: The Dark Descent]]
* The 3 types of horror games:
--> '''Yahtzee''': You see, there are three kinds of horror games: First, there's the kind where you're in a dark room and a guy in a spooky mask jumps out of a cupboard going "abloogy woogy woo" - that would be your Doom 3. Then there's the kind where the guy in the spooky mask isn't in a cupboard but standing right behind you and you just know he's going to go "abloogy woogy woo" at some point but he doesn't and you're getting more and more tense but you don't want to turn around because he might stick his cock in your eye - that would be your [[VideoGame/SilentHill2 Silent Hill 2]]. And then there are horror games where the guy in the spooky mask goes "abloogy woogy woo" while standing on the far side of a brightly lit room before walking slowly over to you plucking a violin and then slapping you in the face with a t-bone steak - that would be your [[VideoGame/DeadSpace Dead Space]].
* The enemies from VideoGame/DeadSpace:
--> '''Yahtzee''': [The Dark Descent] has actually got pacing, unlike VideoGame/DeadSpace, where all the monsters are so fucking thrilled to be working, they fight each other for screen time.
* His description of his thought process during his first scary moment:
--> '''Yahtzee''': Dum-de-dum. Well, this isn't very scary. Oh look, physics! I can throw chairs about like a removal man who's completely stopped giving a shit. Doors suddenly blowing open in the wind? Yawn-o-rama! I guess I'll just look around upstairs and then might as well play Halo: Reach for a bit. Nope, nothing much up here either, I'll just go back and-- whoa, what was that thing I just glimpsed running down a hallway? I don't know, but it looked cross about something, so I think I'll go down this other hallway instead-- Oh, it's blocked. Guess I'll turn around an-- [[JumpScare WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!?]] ''Augh runrunrunrunrun I'm sorry I didn't mean to mess up your chairs-- OH PISSING BLIMEY'' '''''THERE'S JAM COMING OUT OF THE WALLS!'''''
* Also, this gem:
--> '''Yahtzee''': The entire backstory is neatly encapsulated in the title - you have [[LaserGuidedAmnesia amnesia]], that old video game storytelling chestnut. [Yahtzee's avatar is lying in a hospital bed with a doctor consulting a chart.] If adventure games were a medical condition, the first symptom would be amnesia, and the second would be [[KleptomaniacHero kleptomania]]. [Yahtzee makes off with the bed.]
* Regarding the sanity meter:
--> '''Yahtzee''': [Amnesia: The Dark Decent] implements a sanity meter, as if sanity is like diesel oil or something and you can get a reading on it by sticking a dipstick in your ear. And as so often the case, the main effect of losing your sanity is that the screen goes all blurry and weird, as if the first thing anyone does when they go insane is lose their contact lenses. Hanging around in the scary darkness depletes sanity because apparently we're five years old, but staying in the light makes it easier for monsters to see you, creating a toss-up between not getting a headache from wibbly-wobbly camera filters and not ''being murdered''.
* CATCH THE FUCKING EGG!
* He closes it out by calling the game a good constipation aid.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Halo: Reach]]
* "The very first image in the game is a brief flash-forward depicting your helmet lying discarded in the dust of battle-scarred terrain. What the fuck do you think happens in the end? Your character gets thrillingly and climactically ''gets a little bit hot?''"
* Yahtzee's opening rant about Halo's lack of seat belts.
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZzjsbIMGaI&feature=BFa&list=PL9F1FFC7B1BCCEFA1 "This might sound a bit weird, but 'hoerdy goerdy bobbley boo.'"]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Castlevania: Lords of Shadow]]
* "...wondering if one could improve every ''Castlevania'' game by replacing Dracula with the Count from ''Series/SesameStreet'', though probably not ''Symphony of the Night'' because you'd have to rename Alucard "Teerts Emases Morf Tnuoc Eht"
** The joke comes back again in the credits, reading:
--> "ONE miserable little secret! TWO miserable little secrets! [[MemeticMutation A PILE of miserable little secrets!]] Ah-ha-ha-ha!"
* "Who the fuck rips off ''VideoGame/ShadowOfTheColossus?'' That's like cock-slapping the Mona Lisa!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Enslaved: Odyssey to the West]]
* "So while Journey to the West was about an arrogant monkey king who is forced to learn discipline by escorting a Buddhist monk on a pilgrimage, Enslaved is about a bloke [[GroinAttack slapping robots in the dick]]. [[InNameOnly But his name is Monkey]], so that's alright then."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Fallout: New Vegas]]
* "This is a roleplaying game, so let's motherfucking roleplay!".
--> "Woke up in a doctor's office with some guy telling me I've been shot in the head and may have suffered brain damage, but I've learned not to trust the opinion of giant, mustachioed spider-people; so I made my excuses and left."
* His descriptions of his misadventures in the [[VideoGame/FalloutNewVegas Mojave]].
--> "So after loading myself down with other people's packed lunches, I set off on the North road with a song in my heart, and was immediately eaten by giant killer flies."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Call of Duty: Black Ops]]
* His impression of the game's frenzied pacing, akin to a nagging housewife.
-->"''[[MotorMouth Go there! Keep running! Take cover! Not there, you're getting shot! There, shoot that guy! Not him, he's on your side! Can't you tell? He's wearing a slightly different hat! Quick, pick up that grenade and throw it back! I don't know, over there somewhere! Oh, there, see? If you'd thrown it sooner that wouldn't have happened, you stupid cunt!]]'' (smacks Yahtzee with a rolling pin)"
* "Why is my character putting broken glass into the mouth of that helpless prisoner? I don't think he'd find that very tasty--[[OhCrap OH BUGGER MY BREECHES]] [[DudeNotFunny that was uncalled for!]]"
* "Another opportunity for the ''CallOfDuty'' franchise to wave military hardware in our faces and go '''PHWOAR!'''"
* The [[BookEnds beginning and end]] of the review feature several countries personified as people, including America, Russia, China, the UK and Switzerland. Webcomic/AxisPowersHetalia references in the comments section were unavoidable.
** Likewise, Yahtzee's analogy that all the "Modern Warfare"-esque shooters is a sign the United States craves a world war is on par with all the erotic fanfiction by a virgin nerd is a sign that they're trying to say "[[YouNeedToGetLaid I Need To Get Laid]]".
* Pointing out how the term "Black Ops" carries a term of stealth, mystery, and deniability, [[WithCatlikeTread whereas the game has so many explosions and shoot-em-ups that any stealth (let alone deniability) goes sailing out the window]]. Special points for explaining the GrandFinale mission:
--> "What's that, Vladimir? [[BlatantLies No, no, our fleets of aircraft carriers were just in that particular bit of ocean for a volleyball tournament, and to take some photos for a navy recruitment booklet! No, I can't imagine how one of your battleships in the exact same area could've gotten riddled with bullets (although now I come to think about it, I do remember hearing what could have been minigun fire, but at the time I thought it was just somebody playing squash very, very enthusiastically)!]]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:[=iPhone=] Games]]
* On the game ''Fruit Ninja'': "You're a ninja, fruit is flying in front of you and ''fuck fruit''. Sitting around all smug, ''on trees'' and ''in pies.''"
** Early in his review, he laments that "so much of triple-A gaming these days is endless sequels, ripoffs and wank". The accompanying visuals give an example of a sequel (''VideoGame/KaneAndLynch 2: Dog Days''), a ripoff (''Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days'') and some wank (''Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days'').
** Telling us what making a game for the iPhone involves versus what making a game for the Wii involves in terms of exactly how badly the developer gets violated, the accompanying visuals, and the first picture of Yahtzee back at his desk afterwards.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood]]
* "I don't want play the same game over and over, I get enough dull repetition in my sex life." Caption: "It's always the bloody nipple clamps with you, isn't it".
* "''Franchise/AssassinsCreed: Literature/DivineSecretsOfTheYaYaSisterhood''"
* Yahtzee actually admits that the story with Ezio is starting to get a little stale (especially since the content feels like it was just cut off from the end of Assassin's Creed II), and is actually looking forward to an all-Desmond centric sequel in the future. Not for [[GenericGuy Desmond himself]], but for the RagtagBunchOfMisfits he's saddled up with, particularly TheSmartGuy / DeadpanSnarker [[TheMeanBrit Shaun]]. "[[DeadpanSnarker Can't imagine why!]]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Splatterhouse]]
* His entire rant on adulthood in the ''Splatterhouse'' review.
-->"Isn't being an adult great? You can go on all the fairground rides, drink yourself to death, and stick your dick in all kinds of magical things! Sometimes I like going to hospitals for terminally ill children and just ''rubbing it in.''"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Epic Mickey]]
* At the beginning he goes into this HeroicBSOD about park mascots trying to sexually abuse him.
* "And why do you think every other console controller has two analog sticks, Mr. Wii? Do you think it's just for symmetry? Or because they look a little bit like nipples? No! It's because in third-person games, the camera is like the working class: If you can't control it, ''it will plot to destroy you''!" All combined with a picture of a camera stabbing Yahtzee in the eye shouting, "Death to the Aristos!"
** Interestingly, yes, originally the Dual Shock did have two sticks just for symmetry, though he's referring to the current generation's controllers so the joke still stands.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Top 5 of 2010]]
* The top/bottom of 2010 had such counters as "Jumping off a rainbow onto someone you hate" (second best) "Weedkiller Martini" (third worst) and "Mistaking a deep fat fryer for an eyewash station" (second worst).
* After awarding his Worst Game of the Year award to ''KaneAndLynch 2: Dog Days'':
-->"Step onto your first-place podium, then put a rope around your neck so we can kick it away."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Fable III]]
* The FlatWhat of the '''Fable III''' review. Funniest FlatWhat EVER!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Minecraft]]
* "Oh, [[Series/TheGoodies goody]]! Now I can go back inside and ''keep playing'' ''{{Minecraft}}''!"
* The Brisbane floods, where "the sandbag fairy had visited all the good little shops", and the {{visual pun}}s that follow.
* "With Fisher-Price Shoggoths scratching at the walls, I decided the sensible, level-headed thing to do was to tunnel down into the centre of the Earth".
* "Ohh, ''shit''. When did I become my dad?"
* "Why did it get so dark all of a sudden? What's that rustling sound? Why are my intestines over there now?"
* "Christ, it's like ''Zelda'' meets ''Film/ThereWillBeBlood''!" (with picture of Link being chased by Daniel Plainview wielding a bowling pin)
* "One: Do not rely on fire to clear away your forests unless you want your gameworld to look like the Vietnam War."
* "But as I was trying to think of something to do with all these rocks, I noticed a nearby mountain, and thought 'You know what that's crying out for? A ''Skull Fortress!'' With flaming towers and eyes that weep lava (because he's depressed by all the kamikaze shrubs).'"
* Creepers: "It's like their only reason to live is to ruin other people's artwork. There but for the grace of God go I, suicide hedge!" Illustration: Yahtzee running at ''VideoGame/FableIII'' with explosives strapped to his body.
* His entire rant about the appeal of building anything with his example being a golden [[BiggusDickus giant cock and balls]].
* The absolutely best line of that segment has to be when he compares ''{{Minecraft}}'' to ''GarrysMod'':
--> "If you can just clap your hands and summon fifty explosive barrels to pile ragdolls around, the spectacle is about as fulfilling as eating your own snot."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:A Shadow's Tale]]
* "...this is the permanent mental state of most adult male nerds in any situation more sociable than jerking off with a hand-puppet. The UrExample of this subgenre, as in '[[IncrediblyLamePun Er]], what are you doing with that hand-puppet?' would be {{Ico}}, also known as I. C. O. if you're WRONG!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Dead Space 2]]
* ''VideoGame/DeadSpace2'' ramps up the poignancy of the slaughter by initially setting it in children's classrooms full of "blood-stained crayon drawings reading 'I love Mummy and being alive'."
** "It's set in space, the best setting besides the land of chocolate lesbians."
** "...that's the game ''{{Wet}}'' and the game ''[[Film/XMenOriginsWolverine Wolverine]]'', not a game about a wet wolverine, NO SUCH THING EXISTS!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:DC Universe Online]]
* His overly long anal[[spoiler: ogy]] about how reading comics are like bowel movements. Just go look at it.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:[=MindJack=]]]
* After commenting on how some viewers didn't know whether Yahtzee was [[AccentuateTheNegative recommending a game or not]].
-->"So in the name of keeping things nice and clear for you touchy sods, let me as unambiguous as possible in this critique. ''MindJack'' is [[ClusterFBomb Fucking. Fucking. Fucking. Fucking.]] [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad.]] ''Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Play it''."
** Made more hilarious by the VisualPun: each repetition of "Fucking" adds the word [[DropTheHammer to the hammer he's about to use to bludgeon the game]], each repetition of "Bad" and "Don't" shows him [[PunctuatedPounding bludgeoning the game]], and the "Play it" line has him [[DisneyVillainDeath kicking the game off a cliff]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Killzone 3]]
* "So, ''fuck'' modern technology right in its cutting edge! Oww!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Kirby's Epic Yarn]]
* About the game's localisation delays: "You'd almost think Nintendo were concerned that a game about a fat, pink retard, voraciously overconsuming, wouldn't go down well in the West."
* "One of the [[BlatantLies many things I have in common]] with [[Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration Captain Picard]] is..."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Dragon Age II]]
* Summing up the game as "not so much '[[TheHerosJourney a hero's journey]]' as 'a hero piddles around for a while [[GayOption gobbing off his handsome friend]].'"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Nintendo 3DS]]
* "I did check, and it is extremely possible to make a Mii who has what looks like a cock for a face. It's equally possible to name him 'Senor Koquonfaes' ''(pronounced "Cock-on-face")'' and make him your street pass ambassador who greets every 3DS owner in the vicinity with the phrase 'I'M WATCHING YOU' in block capitals. Then all you have to do is walk past the primary school and listen for the losses of innocence."
* Discussing the console's version of ''SplinterCell: Chaos Theory'' and its "slapdash 3Difying":
--> "I refuse to believe that no one at Ubisoft QA put their hand up at any point and said: 'Hey, isn't the sky supposed to be ''behind'' the sea?'"
* The [=3DSes=] of Yahtzee and his friend's don't recognize each other, making him assume that the other 3DS "just didn't want to associate with riffraff" because it had more Streetpass hits than his. Complete with the friend's 3DS turning its nose at Yahtzee's while wearing a top hat and holding a cane.
* Yahtzee's "What the hell is wrong with me?" moment when he reacts with joy at seeing a gathering of children in a park so that he could [[ItMakesSenseInContext leave little deposits in their pockets and butt bags]].
* "COME ON IN! TAKE OFF YOUR COATS! HAVE A SEAT! Not in the big chair. I'm going to sit in that and gloat at you. (How about them Nintendogs, eh?)"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Portal 2]]
* The CreditsGag at the end of the review, set up at the start with "Early on in the series of increasing lucky breaks I'd hesitate to call a career..."
--> Well, that was a good career I almost had there.
* Yahtzee's history with the original ''Portal'' makes him a little hesitant to release a definitive statement on the sequel's quality. The result is almost two minutes of increasingly convoluted metaphors, until:
--> "Portal 1 was a big delicious jam doughnut with cream on top, and Portal 2 is a big Cornish pasty with chocolate in one half and shepard's pie in the other, and- LOOK AT ME DANCING AROUND THE ISSUE. '''DANCEY, DANCEY, LA-DI-DAH'''"
* The icing on the- ...[[LastSecondWordSwap French Fancy!]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Castlevania: Symphony of the Night]]
* His description of the enemy variety: "Utterly nutterly butterly."
* "And if you're playing the XBLA version, on a widescreen TV, there'll be massive big pictures of Alucard and Dracula either side of the screen glaring at each other for the whole game like both are waiting for the other to own up to eating all of Mrs. Dracula's pies."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Mortal Kombat]]
* Commenting that the X-ray attacks indicate your character had a skeleton for a stepfather and they have some issues to work out. Said skeleton wears a hat, smokes a pipe, and asks "When is your useless son going to get a job".
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Alice: The Madness Returns]]
* "And then Alice promised never to tell her parents."
* The second mid-credit stinger.
--> Once I tried to seduce a girl by putting a Drink Me label around my knob, but she did something horrible with a cocktail umbrella...
* "What I'm saying is that I don't see ''Alice: The Madness Returns'' making [[{{Pun}} mad returns]], neh heh nyehh..."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Shadows of the Damned]]
* While talking about the development team, Yahtzee has a brief dialogue with the audience, whose words are accompanied by a slide whistle:
--> "The music's done by Akira Yamaoka-
--> '''WHO?'''
--> "The guy who did the music for ''VideoGame/SilentHill''."
--> '''WHAT'S THAT?'''
--> ''(frustrated)'' "A series with ''really good music.''"
--> '''OH.'''
* Also, "[[{{Suda 51}} Suda]], bless his heart, has always had what you might call a long-distance relationship with normalcy." Accompanied by a representation of Suda running around in the background, holding a giant rubber duck over his head and screaming.
* "Oh ''there'' you are, Suda, you randy old bastard!"
** This line comes at the culmination of the saga of "[[{{BFG}} Big]] [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything Boner]]". [[CrossesTheLineTwice To say anything more is to spoil it.]]
* "Attention, hardcore gamers. Stop chewing on that piece of wood and listen."
* "[''VideoGame/GodHand''] was another game that sailed out of Port Sensible on the ''HMS Quirky''."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D]]
* He names Link "Fuck me", leading to a moment where Navi says "Fuck me it's cold in here."
* From the same review, when he says that the N64 "showed you more affection as a child than your parents ever did", and the graphic is a dad whipping a spider at a little kid hugging his N64.
* "Even the final boss fight gave me no trouble at all, except when that fairy dipshit started thinking about her favorite fairy boners or something."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Call of Juarez: The Cartel]]
* "There is no middle finger big enough!", in reference to the NPC's insistence on helping out in combat despite their utter uselessness.
* Also, "But before Guatemala can start getting worried, the US government sets up a special task force to take down the cartel, a coalition of FBI, DEA, LAPD... uh... BBC, TCP/IP, [[FunWithAcronyms LOL...]]"
** His [[GeniusBonus description]] of the [[DysfunctionJunction three main characters]] as getting along "like three [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Borgia Borgias]] in a hessian sack".
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Catherine]]
* "...''Catherine'', a Japanese game centrally about the difficulties of relationships, such as unexpected pregnancy, the impetus of commitment, and [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers being chased up an infinite staircase by a giant, monstrous girlfriend trying to eat you with her butt]]. Did I mention it's [[WidgetSeries Japanese?]]"
* (Increasingly amused)"... there's a moral choice aspect where you answer questions based on [[NerdsAreVirgins your own substantial experience with relationships]] *stifled laughter* "
* The part in the video where the main character chooses Qatherine (an imp with a bow) over Catherine or Katherine (the two choices in the game).
** Having asked if the two similar names will be confusing in dialogue, there's a scene that assigns the wrong personality to each K/Catherine. "I knew this would get confusing!"
* "...like men are all direction-less tidal waves and women are all dykes build in the way of their raging flood. [[ThatCameOutWrong Blimey, what a badly worded metaphor]]."
** "[[QuoteMine WOMEN ARE ALL DYKES]]" - Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw
* "Wait, what was I supposed to be fixing again? [[AttentionDeficitOohShiny OOH LOOK A PUPPY]]!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Deus Ex]]
* About the tranquilizer gun:
--> "It's supposed to be for stealthy no kill runs, but it just makes enemies run around screaming for five minutes before falling over, and that's not very tranquil. That's like inventing an antidepressant that makes people believe there's free money inside their wrists."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Deus Ex: Human Revolution]]
* His description of the final boss as "the kind of nightmare PhilipKDick might have while being spooned by Creator/HRGiger", and the RunningGag of whipping vending machines at [=NPCs=].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Driver: San Francisco]]
* The beginning of the review:
-->"Wanna hear something crazy? [[WordSaladHumor Titty fuck Labrador swimming up the nile.]] Wanna hear something crazy but also coherent? [[BlatantLies Julia Roberts was once hospitalized for swallowing an entire vole.]] Wanna hear something crazy but also coherent and ''true''? ''DriverSanFrancisco'' [[ShockingSwerve may well end up in my top five of the year!]]
* "SERVE AND PROTECT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN."
* "He's in pursuit of a crimelord who's out to steal Christmas from the orphans, or something. It's not important."
* "Yes, it kind of is so fucking goofy that Disney would file a restraining order, but..."
* The sarcastic, [[VisualPun white-bread]] hero saying "I guess I'm well-bread" and the well-written NPC saying "Looks like I'm bread for success."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Dead Island]]
* "So, here's a sneak peak to the soundtrack to a lot of ''Dead Island'': 'GRR!' 'KICK!' 'GRR!' 'KICK!' 'GRR!' 'KICK!' 'SPLAT!'"
* The Yahtzee sprite finding out he's on "Bread Island" in the stinger.
* "Honestly, at this point you people just won't be able to cope if civilization ends any other way, will you? If the fucking [[Series/DoctorWho Daleks]] invade or the entire world gets covered in carnivorous jam, you'll have to make papier-mâché zombie facsimiles just to get through the day."
** [[HilariousInHindsight Yahtzee wrote a book about jam causing the apocalypse.]]
** And his image for the Daleks is [[SpecialEffectFailure toilet plungers strapped to two trash cans.]]
* "You'll spend a lot of time standing over a pile of dead bodies frantically doing the can-can until they stop moving."
* "So, to conclude my arguments..."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Resistance 3]]
* His surprise that the game isn't a cover-based FPS, lets you carry more than two weapons and doesn't have regenerating health. He sounds genuinely taken aback.
--> "Um... Sony, are you alright?"
** The part leading up to it was no slouch either:
-->So here we go, another bloody [[RealIsBrown brown]] shooter for the current age with two weapon slots, cover mechanics, and regenerating health...wait, what are these glowing green things lying around everywhere? Medkits, you call them? What an intriguing novelty! Yes, ''VideoGame/{{Resistance}} 3'' does not have regenerating health! [[UnusualEuphemism Holy bum nuggets]], I'm having to desperately seek aid under fire while hopping around on my last remaining limb and things are actually tense and exciting! Oh, but it's small comfort if I can't carry ten weapons at onc - I can carry ten weapons at once. [[DidntSeeThatComing Huh]]. And there's a FreezeRay and a [[LightningGun lightning rod]] and something I like to call the JimiHendrix Experience because it makes people [[CrossesTheLineTwice puke themselves to death]].
** His over-the-top analysis which causes him to believe they ripped off ''Half Life 2'', in a parodic tone, obviously.
--> "Waaaait a minute... the scientist has a BEARD! ''What did you do with the rest of the body, Insomniac?''"
** Another one from that review:
--> "And look: ''Insomniac Games'', [[InsaneTrollLogic if you rearrange the letters, lose some of them and add a few more]], you get ''WE WANT TO BE VALVE''"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Kinect]]
* Yahtzee explains why he bought a Kinect:
--> "Pope Urban VIII probably thought he was very clever when he condemned Galileo, but who got the last laugh there? Well he did, when Galileo died in poverty and dishonour so what I'm basically saying is that I'm basically like the Pope."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Batman: Arkham City]]
* Bruce Wayne is depicted with the words "[[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Not Batman]]" written on his chest.
* "[Catwoman's] also a lot less fun to explore the city with, because instead of glidy wings and hookshots her method of getting around is to whip onto the tops of buildings and then smash straight into a wall. Then she has to hop her way up the wall in a sort of 'No, really, I meant to do that' kind of way, leaving another bloody imprint of her increasingly two-dimensional face to congeal on the brickwork. She also has her own Riddler trophies to gather, so I guess the Riddler feels he has to prove that he's smarter than her, too. But if the Riddler is sitting with his feet up watching the security cameras with a question mark-themed mug of milky tea while Catwoman is out headbutting masonry and picking up his litter, I think it's pretty self-evident who's smarter."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception]]
* Yahtzee begging for Drake to kill an American in a possible ''Uncharted 4'', so he can be assured that Drake [[EagleLand isn't the embodyment of America]] [[OneManArmy declaring a one-man war]] [[OmnicidalManiac on the entire world]] - or at least an Australian, so he KNOWS that the game is deliberately out to {{Troll}} him.
* Drake is shown walking along a cobble street into an English pub (entitled "The Cock and Balls"), and, as Yahtzee describes it, "with ''a motherfucking red phone box out front!''" ''(cue red phone box and an arrow with the words [[/folder]]

[[folder: The Fuck Is This ]]
pointing to it)''
* Yahtzee thinks that Drake would be more admirable if he just admitted he was in it for the gold.
--> '''Yahtzee!Drake:''' I want enough money to buy a concubine for every square inch of my cock.
--> '''Yahtzee:''' A whole three concubines, Drake?
* The assumption that Drake and Elena keep splitting up in games because they have little in common. Drake apparently enjoys watching ''[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_Team Time Team]]'' and going to blackface minstrel shows.
* Noting how the enemies in the game all choose to fight Drake in extremely dangerous situations:
--> "...enacting gun battles in collapsing buildings, sinking ships, dangling out the back of a plane, and on the surface of a flaming meteorite that's speeding towards a lion."
** Also noting the use of LampshadeHanging, asking the idiocy of some points in the game, becoming ''especially'' glaring [[ElephantInTheRoom if they're never explained afterwards]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3]]
* His reaction to the plot of the game when Russia somehow invades ''[[HollywoodTactics all of Europe at once]]'':
--> "Now, I've never invaded Europe, [[NoodleIncident except for that one time]], but I would think that's a project you might want to stagger out a bit if you haven't forged an alliance with any galactic empires lately."
** [[http://static3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120823034247/zeropunctuation/images/thumb/6/69/Call_of_Duty_Modern_Warfare_3_2.png/180px-Call_of_Duty_Modern_Warfare_3_2.png Apparently this happened.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim]]
* "Well ''fuck you'', Ulfric Stormcloak, I don't have to help you wash your hairy bagpipes, I can breathe ''radioactive lasers!''"
* "Like this one undead lad who hit like a runaway ice cream van but who seemed to forget all about me whenever I left the room, so I ended up taking potshots from the door like the world's worst Jehovah's Witness."
* "Oh yes, and take my advice: get a horse. The horses in Skyrim just do not ''give a fuck.'' If there's anything in a half-mile radius that means you harm your horse will not rest until it has been powdered."
* "Oooh, look at [[Series/TheApprentice Sir Alan Sugar]] over there, he's too rich and important to adventure properly. Would you like to skip to the ending cutscene because you have to go and buy a new aeroplane before the shop's shut?"
* "But having spent so many weeks getting forced down corridors of every size and shape like the last bit of toothpaste in a tube being manipulated by the flabby, uncoordinated hands of a fat prick, getting yelled at because one of the many specks I haven't fired bullets at yet is holding another speck that can fire rockets, I was exactly in the right mood to get out in the open, feel the wind in my hair and the rolling epic landscape beneath my feet. So to that end, I stopped playing video games and left the house. Ha, not fucking likely!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Saints Row: The Third]]
* Yahtzee laments the lack of a socks option for customizable clothing. "So I can no longer wear fishnets under a sensible business suit and role-play as a [[UsefulNotes/BritishPoliticalSystem Conservative MP]]."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword]]
* When he's describing the [[CaptainObvious annoying]] fairy sidekick: "You suck a man's cock — Bing! 'Link, I have calculated that you are sucking a man's cock! There is a 70% chance that you should now cradle his balls!'" Which is made even funnier by how the censor bar says "[[MemeticMutation Hey! Listen]]" on it.
* "I found a {{plot hole}}! ''NUUUUUUURSE!!''"
* On the padding:
-->"First you prove yourself for the Master Sword, then you prove your worth for the three sacred flames, and then prove your worth a few more times for the song of the hero. If I were Link, I would throw the sword down and yell: 'Do you want this motherfucker dead or what?!' I feel like I'm trying to arrest the person burgling your house, and you keep telling me to fuck off until I've put on some nicer shoes!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Top 5 of 2011]]
* The intro descriptions of the rankings accompanied by [[MostWonderfulSound appropriate]] [[ToiletHumour sound effects]] are funny enough, but the crowners are the third worst: "[[PottyFailure Shitting the bed while your girlfriend is over]]" followed immediately by the second best: "Shitting the bed while your girlfriend is over [[ConvenientlyCommonKink and discovering she's into that]]".
* Comparing the worst game[[spoiler:s]] of the year to "[[spoiler:being cockslapped by your own herniated bowel]]."
* "Oh, happy new year, by the way."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Super Mario 3D Land & Rayman Origins]]
* He liked ''VideoGame/RaymanOrigins'', but didn't like ''VideoGame/SuperMario3DLand'', causing Yahtzee's criticism to eventually devolve into "Aaah..." and "Grrr!", respectively (ending in a series of them: "[[MoodWhiplash Aaah... Grrr! Aaah... Grrr!]]").
* TheStinger where Yahtzee's ball arm is pulled away like in Rayman and the space between himself and the extended arm is cut with a pair of scissors. Cue blood and screaming.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Sonic Generations]]
* "And it would probably get you thrown out of a restaurant."
* "But lest you accuse the game of putting them in for fanservice - although I'd hate to think what kind of fan was baying for a return appearance of fucking [[TheScrappy Charmy the Bee.]]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Star Wars: The Old Republic]]
* "[[ADateWithRosiePalms So this is why they call him]] [[IncrediblyLamePun Han Solo]]!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Amy]]
* "I find that 'I will die of an indistinct infection if I don't remain physically close to preteen girls' rarely goes down well in court."
* ''Amy'' in general is one of his better recent reviews. Like ''HaloWars'' which was mentioned before, he ''really'' dislikes this one, and truly shitty games seems to bring out the best in him.
-->"Aww, I'm sorry the monster-infested post-apocalyptic death city wasn't providing quite enough stimulation for you, sweetheart. I know where there's never a dull moment: '''''my fucking S-bend!'''''"
* "I mean, Alex from ''VideoGame/SilentHillHomecoming'' rolling around the city streets like Sonic the fucking Hedgehog was just dumb!"
* 'Basically, what I'm saying is it isn't very good. Did that come across? '''IT ISN'T VERY GOOD!''''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Kingdoms Of Amalur: Reckoning]]
* "''Franchise/MassEffect'' brought us [[DiscountLesbians a race of all-female bisexuals]] who are culturally obliged to bang anything that moves, [[CovertPervert and you wonder why I prefer sci-fi these days.]]"
* Yahtzee's complaint about how fantasy games "seem to require that you learn a second language".
-->"The Tuatha are engaged in a conflict with the Seeli-Fae and the Jutton in the land of Knick-Knack-Knocky and Bingly-Bongly-Boo!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:[=NeverDead=]]]
* The [[BlackComedy sack analogies]]. And then the third developer pops out of a pillow fort.
--> "You know what I hate? '''YOU NOT BEING IN THIS FUCKING SACK RIGHT NOW!'''"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Yakuza: Dead Souls]]
* In his review he comments that it is effectively an ExpansionPack of ''Yakuza 4'' and that "even putting BrianBlessed in there as an optional boss fight" can't make him overlook that fact. The image is of one of Yahtzee's stick-people looking at a stick-Brian with [[http://www.unrealitytv.co.uk/im-a-celebrity/brian-blessed-for-im-a-celebrity-2009/ this face]], who proceeds to manifest [[RedEyesTakeWarning Red]] GlowingEyesOfDoom and [[BreathWeapon fire a laser from his mouth]] while the hapless anonymous stick person desperately ducks under it. Hilarious as a visual, even funnier to consider what a boss fight ''against'' BrianBlessed must be like. Besides [[NoIndoorVoice loud]] and [[LargeHam full of ham]], naturally.
* "Fuck yes, it's Akiyama again. I love his horrible mauve blazer, and now he's dual-wielding custom pistols like a boss. I just want to take him home and mount him to my kitchen wall so my kids will have an appropriate role model to look at over their Honey Nut Cheerios every morning."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Ninja Gaiden 3]]
* The first few lines of his review:
--> "You know, being the leader of an evil ninja clan... oops. Shit! Um, forget I said that, I'll start again. *ahem* ''[[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial If]]'' I were the head of an evil ninja clan..."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Prototype 2]]
* Five words: '''FUCK AROUNDY MAKEY SUPER MURDER'''
* "Possibly Liverpool?"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Risen 2: Dark Waters]]
* The entire epilogue video, as a DJ to [[VideoGame/{{Half-Life}} Black Mesa]].
--> "You're listening to Black Mesa Research Facility Internal Broadcasting Friday Morning Drive Time Fun Slot, playing the hits while you play God!"
** "To Security Officer Calhoun outside [[TheSimpsons Sector 7-G]]: Stop banging on the door, we know you're out there, we just don't like you."
* From the review proper: "If you have Dark Waters, you should probably go see a doctor about that."
* "Suddenly, that wasn't the only thing that had risen. Dick joke swing, and a miss!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Sniper Elite [=V2=]]]
* "It would be nice if you could tag enemies while looking at through the sniper scope, instead of hurriedly switching between scope and binoculars like a badger-watcher with anger-management issues..."
--> '''Yahtzee's Avatar:''' '''YOU STRIPEY ''FUCK!!!''''' [gets dragged away by an imp]
* He realizes that he has nobody's word on the chain of events but the protagonist... and proceeds to go wild.
* At the start, Yahtzee notes how ironic it is that a game about fighting ThoseWackyNazis was actually a welcome relief from all the modern, WarOnTerror era "[[RealIsBrown realistic]]" shooters plaguing the game industry, especially ones [[MakeTheBearAngryAgain fighting Russians]], [[WhyWereBummedCommunismFell as if wishing the Cold War had boiled over into]] WorldWarThree. [[TemptingFate Then he starts to explain the plot...]]
--> '''Yahtzee:''' "...your task is to assassinate a bunch of German V2 rocket scientists before [[EnemyExchangeProgram they can be enlisted by]] [[DirtyCommunists the dirty Russians-]] '''''[[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!]]''''' Could we at least leave off the fucking ColdWar until we're finished with the [[WorldWarTwo hot one?]]"
* He admits that he's simultaneously satisfied and ashamed of the XRayVision mechanic, just like how he feels after [[ADateWithRosiePalms jerking off]] to a {{Disney}} princess, with his AuthorAvatar looking at [[Disney/TheLittleMermaid Ariel]] while [[CrossesTheLineTwice sniffing a fish]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Dragon's Dogma]]
* The entire mulitplayer part of the review, drawing a link between it and [[spoiler: being a pimp!]]
-->''But Dragon's Dogma does have one major unique mechanic that deserves a close examination. It's, um...well, do you remember Neopets? It's kind of like that but with slavery. As part of the introductory missions, you have to generate a primary NPC sidekick in the same way you made yourself: class, race, appearance, favorite Spice Girl, etc. But for adventuring purposes, you can also enlist two additional sidekicks who are the main sidekicks of other players elsewhere in the world. You go into a little connecting universe where a sampling of available hired hands swan about trying to catch your eye, you go over to the ones you like, look at their equipment, check their teeth, bob their scrotums, and if you're happy take them adventuring with you. When you're finished with them, you give them a little present and send them back to their owner with a fond slap on the bum. You even have to rate them like you're filling in the timesheet for the temp agency. It creates motivation to make sure that your sidekick has the best equipment and skills and looks good in tights so they'll be more likely to get hired by other players, acquire experience, bring you back presents, and...wait a minute! Am I pimping?!''
** Then followed up by:
--->''"No, it's all right," says the game. "They're not actually intelligent, free willed human beings. They're pawns, a sort of magical slave race who look a lot like humans but actually don't have minds of their own." Oh, even better. [[UnfortunateImplications Now we're pimping the mentally sub-normal]]!''
* But by far the high point is his reaction to the "pawn" handwave.
* Also his critique of the pawns' relative intelligence level:
-->'''Pawn:''' We could get a good view from the top of that tower!
-->'''Yahtzee:''' I ''know'' we could, asshole! You know ''how'' I know? Because I was ''just'' on the top of that tower, ''and so were you''!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:[=E3=] 2012]]
* Yahtzee gives up on referring to ''New Super Mario Bros. U'' by its name and just starts calling the game "Steve", placing a mug of Creator/SteveBuscemi on top of the box.
* "Right, what's next? Oh, what a delightful trailer for some kind of ''LostPlanet'' sequel, what are they calling this one? [[{{Beat}} ...]] ''[[BaitAndSwitchComparison Dead Space 3?]]'' Fuck off!"
* Towards the end he jokes about being a hype ruiner for hire (complete with creepy white van), which has "B. Y. S. G. Croshaw" on the side, a series of initials which makes very little sense at first...until you're smacked into the giggles by a BrickJoke from his ''{{VideoGame/Haze}}'' review, where he called himself Benjamin Yahtzee Sebastian Godzilla Croshaw.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Lollipop Chainsaw]]
* "Juliet is always in control of the situation, has a healthy, devoted family life, and the developers would never suggest that the player [[RapeIsASpecialKindOfEvil should feel motivated to protect her from rapists]] - ''[[DudeNotFunny seriously, that's pretty fucked]]''." *pic of Yahtzee [[DopeSlap slapping]] ''VideoGame/TombRaider2013''*
* The "psychological damage" line. ''[[MadnessMantra Keepsmilingyoufatbitchkeepsmilingyoufatbitch]]''...
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Quantum Conundrum]]
* The review begins with a brief mini-review of ''Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor'', which Yahtzee derides as unplayable. An imp dressed as a fairy chides him for this and tells him he'd continue if he had any self respect. One beat later, Yahtzee's moved on to ''Quantum Conundrum'' and the fairy-imp's in the bin.
** "I picked it up because the back of the box said 'The Kinect has finally found its hardcore game...'"
--> '''Yahtzee:''' ...which I interpreted as a challenge. \\
'''Caption:''' ...SO SUCK IT, CROSHAW!
* Using various forms of alcohol to describe the four dimensions.
-->'''Yahtzee:''' There's the pina colada dimension where everything is light and fruity, the black russian dimension where things sit much more heavily and you start clutching your head complaining about your ex-wife, the absinthe dimension where everything floats off into the sky to come crashing apocalyptically down the following morning, and the slow-motion dimension where this analogy kind of breaks down.
* "I hope you've played a lot of feces Tetris, because it's time to ''stack shit''."
* The captions given during Yahtzee's discussion on graphical settings.
* While browsing the Steam forums for technical assistance, Yahtzee recounts one forum poster who said anyone who didn't know how to edit using ''Unreal'' or didn't have a top-end PC didn't deserve to play PC games. His response is simply beautiful.
--> This review is dedicated to you, anonymous forum poster, because you're a cunt. [[RhymesOnADime What are you, you're a cunt, yes you are! You live in a cunty cottage and you drive a cunty car!]]
** What's even better is that [[ChekhovsGag the fairy-imp from earlier]] had been holding up a sign advising Yahtzee to "say 'cunt' a lot".
* One last jab at the Kinect.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Spec Ops: The Line]]
* The game actually managed to get Yahtzee [[TrueArtIsAngsty quite]] [[WarIsHell depressed]], which led him to forcibly contrive some levity into his review:
--> (Waffle about the self-contradictory nature of FPS gaming) Oh, I'm sorry, is this getting too contemplative too early on? Here are some farting noises! *farting noises*
* "''VideoGame/SpecOpsTheLine'' is one of those pleasant surprises that comes along every now and again; a videogame story that really ''got'' to me[[note]] cue the game driving a pickaxe into his forehead[[/note]], giving me genuine feelings of weariness, guilt and actual physical sickness. Fun, fun, fun!"
* The ending.
-->Do you remember when shooters were about [[VideoGame/{{Doom}} killing demons from hell]]? Those were good days. Perhaps this is an inevitable part of gaming growing up, as our childish fantasies are torn from us and we are forced to confront consequences in an unfair, unforgiving, and unavoidable world of hatred, misery, and death.\\
({{Beat}})\\
([[{{Bathos}} Fart]][[MoodWhiplash ing]])
** And the credits end with "It's just been downhill ever since [[ClassicCheatCode IDDQD]] stopped working".
* He complains that while this game is rife with [[PlayerPunch Player punches]] they come across as rather anvilicious with a bit of ButThouMust.
--> "While the game does show the horror of war, it just shoves it in your face. (Spec-Ops pushes Yahtzee's face into his monitor) It's similar to a woman sneaking into your house, getting naked and putting her butt near your face when you're asleep, so when you wake up and see her ass she calls you a pervert for looking at it. I didn't want to see your ass Spec-Ops! You brought it up, you asshole! (Yahtzee avatar {{DopeSlap}}s Spec-Ops standing behind him).
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Inversion]]
* Yahtzee pondering why the game was titled such, summarizing the [[Series/TheFreshPrinceOfBelAir story as all about how, the main character's life got flipped, turned upside-down]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Half-Life]]
* "At this point there's only one thing I can do, [[ADateWithRosiePalms MASTURBA]]- I mean RETRO-REVIEW!" Apparently he uses [[ComicSutra a squeaky giraffe]] to do so.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Sleeping Dogs]]
* '''Buttered fuck crumpets.'''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:[=DayZ=]]]
* The review starts with Yahtzee angrily refusing to review ''New Super Mario Bros. 2''.
-->I'm not falling for it this time, Nintendo, so even if you ''did'' massively shake up the formula and recast Mario as a brash intergalactic smuggler piloting the Yosh-1 through the imperial controlled Mushroom Nebula I will never know!" *followed by the image of Yahtzee covering his ears and going "LA LA LA"*
** I saaawww you (''New Super Mario Bros. 2'').
* His playthrough is off to a good start.
-->"So I started my first game spawned on the shores of a mysterious land, made for the nearest visible building, and was immediately beaten to death by six squawking, working-class zombies in flat caps. ''[[INeedAFreakingDrink Then I paused to have a little drinky]]...''"
** What ''really'' caps this joke is how [[ThisIsGonnaSuck utterly defeated]] Yahtzee sounds
* "After having fallen and broken my leg, I saw one player run over my head as I pathetically called for help. Later playthroughs would teach me that, in terms of ''DayZ'' regular human interaction, THAT was a passionate kiss on the mouth."
* "[=HaHA=]! Ambiguously melee-fight your way out of that. Wait, what's that rumbling noise. And then every door in the street flung open and fucking hell, it was like the Pied Piper set his flute to the murderer setting."
* Yahtzee comments how when a new player (to ''DayZ'') came by that unless the guy actually talked to him and asked what was wrong, he would have shot and looted him.
** Also, when said player gave Yahtzee a blood transfusion with (Yahtzee swears this is true) his ample supply of blood packs ''and nothing else'', he comments on how he could have learned about ThePowerOfFriendship and "sticking together in the face of adversity". [[ShaggyDogStory Until a zombie came by, broke his leg, and either chased the other guy off]] [[ShootTheShaggyDog or killed him.]]
--> [[SarcasmMode "Boy did I feel like a waste of blood."]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Guild Wars 2]]
* (On mundane [[LevelGrinding grinding]] quests) "The fact that I was a necromancer made it pretty funny, though; I pictured the farmer's wife standing at the kitchen window, watching me chase moles out of the vegetable garden [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill by summoning shadow-demons from the stygian pit to curse their very souls]] and then turning to her husband and going: "He ''does'' know [[MundaneUtility we've got a spade he can use, right?]]""
* "...and ''Guild Wars 2'' also improves on that by giving you limited slots and a range of swapoutable abilities ''what'' [[PerfectlyCromulentWord the hell kind of word was that]]?"
* On stating that the game world is a huge mess (or perhaps an accurate representation of [[RealityEnsues what happens when 90% of a world's population IS made of wandering adventurers]]) he eventually concludes that Guild Wars 2 is essentially a fantasy-themed kiddie playground, where the kids take turns whacking on the animatronic monsters while a bored attendant keeps watch.
--> [[OnSecondThought Still, there are no subscription fees]], [[TakeThat so it's not like the]] WorldOfWarcraft [[TakeThat tent next door]], [[MoneyDearBoy where the attendant nicks credit cards out of the purses!]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Borderlands 2]]
* "Borderlands? more like BORED *pause* -Erlands! *long pause*
** Later in the review "Borderlands? more like SNORE-derlands *pause* two *long pause*"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:FIFA 13]]
* The review in its entirety. [[spoiler: It's one long hilarious panoply of your usual CausticCritic going into BaitAndSwitch meets AttentionDeficitOohShiny as he completely forgets to review FIFA 13 and instead reviews three other games with more plot substance.]]
* His opinion of Mists of Panderia:
--> '''Yahtzee''': I blame publishers not wanting to put out anything that might have to compete with [[VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft Mists of Pandaria]], which incidentally I wouldn't touch with a twelve-foot sterilized barge pole being held by someone else.
* Him not actually playing the game beforehand:
--> '''Yahtzee''': Some might say not having played the game and only glancing briefly at the cover art might preclude reviewing it as a rule, but I didn't get to where I am today by following rules all over the place! Let's give it a crack.
* His experiences [[spoiler: playing ''Anna'']]:
--> '''Yahtzee''': [[spoiler: In Anna, you are a faceless, nameless protagonist, who I choose to believe resembles Series/MrBean, who has come to an abandoned sawmill in search of his lost love or something, and considering the sawmill only has like five rooms, what follows is a pretty fucking breakneck descent into the depths of the human heart.]]
* His opinion on the [[spoiler: "logic" puzzles in ''Anna'']]:
--> '''Yahtzee''': [[spoiler: Anna is closer to adventure game than survival horror though, spiritually akin to those microscopic escape-the-room flash games where you solve a sequence of logic puzzles in a small environment. But the operative word there is "logic" and Anna's relationship with that concept evokes the relationship a cheese grater has with a water balloon full of sperm. Before you can even get into the sawmill, you have to find two parts of a mirror, arrange them on a wall, stick a pinecone to the front and then light it on fire because this in some way unlocks the front door. That's not a logic puzzle, that's something Creator/HunterSThompson might attempt after he lost his front door key at a mushroom-enfueled wilderness retreat! I'm glad I don't live in this neighbourhood; you probably can't even run yourself a bath until you've arranged twelve Snickers bars under the S-bend and pissed in the sink.]]
* His outrage that [[spoiler: ''Tokyo Jungle'']] insists on submitting his score to the leaderboards:
--> '''Yahtzee''': And I can't stand how every time I die, it insists on submitting my score to the global ranking, not only forcing me to wait a literal minute when I just want to fucking restart but then usually informing me that I'm in a hundred-billionth place in the ranks of [[spoiler: roleplaying as a small yappy dog]] and I would like to inform all my peers just to round out the emasculation.
** The images make it even better:
--> [[spoiler: '''Tokyo Jungle''']]: YOU DEAD.
--> [[spoiler: '''Tokyo Jungle''']]: You know who'd love this?
--> [[spoiler: '''Tokyo Jungle''']]: '''''FUCKING EVERYONE'''''
* The ending is priceless:
--> '''Yahtzee''': [[spoiler: Shit, hang on, I got confused again. How long have I got left? 8 SECONDS?! FUCK!! Uh, FIFA 13 is a game in which you and your burly friends help a small leather sphere realize its dream of being in a net, and I think we can all agree that that's basically a positive thing, nighty-night.]]
* The CreditsGag regarding [[spoiler: ''Tokyo Jungle'']]: "Maybe being told that I wasn't good enough to mate with the prime females struck a bit close to home."
* The old ''thumbnail'' for the review is actually highly amusing. Almost invariably, the thumbnail for a review will be an image that seems a little eccentric but basically appropriate, usually featuring the box art. For FIFA 13, [[spoiler: it was...a tiger-headed Yahtzee being attacked by a velociraptor with a loose pile of assorted animals in the background.]] Don't bother trying to figure out what the hell this has to do with soccer.

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Resident Evil 6]]
* "What is the point of multiplayer? Correct, to socialize with other human beings, which is why I hate it." (shows Yahtzee hissing at socializers from the sewers).
[[/folder]]

[[folder:XCOM: Enemy Unknown]]
* "Did you like playing ''XCom'', Yahtzee?" "What was that? [[JustOneMoreTurn Sorry, I couldn't hear you, I was playing]] ''XCom''."
* Him pretending that the commander is "somebody's fussy mom" and the accompanying images that follow.
* "But at least the randomness makes the game very replayable, so take comfort in that as you contemplate restarting from scratch because you didn't research laser guns fast enough and all your men have to be evacuated from the field with a ''fucking spatula!''"
* "You can survive getting one of your top guys raygunned into sandwich spread. Two, it's a pinch, but you might as well reload if your entire supersquad gets wiped up, because the aliens aren't going to hold back to let you train up a new selection of rookies who aim like fucking {{Octodad}} and go into panic mode if a wasp starts buzzing too close to their peanutbutter sandwiches."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Medal of Honour: Warfighter & Doom 3: BFG Edition]]
* Yahtzee's speculation that the game came about as a result of one developer testing whether his cubicle-mate was actually listening to him. "YEAH, SOUNDS GREAT!"
* Needing a name to differentiate the particular brand of first-person shooters which rely on such pet peeves as reliance on cover, regenerating health, limited inventories and excessive handholding, he dubs them "Spunkgargleweewee," a term he continues to use on a semi-consistent basis.
* His rage against people who claim he just doesn't like shooters.
--> "Oh, you ignorant little ''bastards''. Stick your balls up your arse and clench yourself castrated! I was into shooters when you were sucking on Wiimotes, you [[TakeCover cover-loving]], [[WalkItOff health-regenerating]] [[MurderSimulator murderer-come-latelies]]!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Assassin's Creed III]]
* The credits:
--> "Hey, strange hooded knife-covered man on a bench, did you happen to see a strange hooded knife-covered man run through here?"
* The theoretical conversation between Yahtzee and the game itself:
-->'''Yahtzee:''' [W]hen can we get to stabbing people?
-->'''Assassin's Creed III:''' ...What is it with you and stabbing peopl-
-->'''Yahtzee(snaps):''' What is it with you and ''NOT'' stabbing people?!
* Yahtzee initially being worried that UsefulNotes/TheAmericanRevolution period would lead to the British being {{Flanderized}} into a {{Evil Brit}}s, while the Americans would be the {{Designated Hero}}es. Then he points out how the GreyAndGreyMorality balanced out both sides from their stereotypical portrayals in this time period:
-->'''Yahtzee:''' "[[PyrrhicVictory Doesn't make the game any less boring]], [[DamnedByFaintPraise but there you go]]."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Call of Duty: Black Ops II]]
* His suggestion for a better game that ''CallOfDutyBlackOps2'' could have been if it had played to its strengths: "The Adventures Of Hooky Wingsuit: The Amazing Flying Racist."
* "He a TURRIST!"
* Imagining a question from the target demographic about the game's quality:
-->Yahtzee: "Well, I'm white, paranoid, and stupid so this game sounds ideal so far," says a nearby cunt. "I'm just worried the gameplay won't also cater to my many neurological difficulties— whoops my brain fell out again!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Hitman Absolution]]
* The "fish skeleton" remark.
* "Oh, don't you start telling me I have problems..."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:[=FarCry=] 3]]
* He opens the review with the phrase "I am a banana." and it only gets funnier every time he uses it.
* "I kept sliding off the roads because the cars are always a few feet wider than you think they are. It’s a lot like online dating."
* A clever one from the credit sequence: one of the subtitles says "You know what the first sign of madness is? Rubbing animal giblets on your reproductive organs." The next slide has him poledancing, wearing a severed tiger head as a codpiece.
** Subtitling said slide: "It's not a real holiday until you've napalmed a cassowary."
* Another metaphor that gets a little weird:
--> A typical combat mission involves scouting the area from a vantage point, marking targets, picking the optimal angle of approach, and taking down the baddies one by one. It’s quite relaxing really, like pruning a rosebush where the roses can get freaked out and call another rosebush to come and back it up.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Top 5 of 2012]]
* Yahtzee explains why he has has a soft spot for ''NeverDead'' despite its broken design.
--> "It's only when you try to do something interesting that you crash and burn in the most spectacular way. You may laugh at the bloke who thought he'd invented the parachute coat and threw himself off the Eiffel tower, but what's history gonna remember you for, funny man? That time you found a copy of Razzle in a hedge?"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Paper Mario: Sticker Star]]
* Yahtzee admitting he needed to use the 3D for certain sections of the game:
--> " I suppose the 3DS can feel free to stand on my desk and rub its buttocks on my face, making really satisfied noises like this: "Mmmmmm, mmmmmmmmmm."
* "So if it's not a platformer and not an RPG, then what the hell is it? A walk-around-'em-up? A walk-around-sticking-things-to-other-things-'em-up? That's not a game, that's how I kill time at a pet shop!" '''(shows Yahtzee super-gluing a gerbil to a dog with the store manager saying "Excuse me, sir.")'''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Black Knight Sword & Hotline Miami]]
* The repeated renaming of games based on the way ''Black Knight Sword'' did it, i.e. [[VideoGame/HalfLife "Orange Nerd Crowbar"]], [[VideoGame/ModernWarfare "Brown Sweaty Racism"]], and [[RedDeadRevolver "Red Dead Revolv]]-- [[ExplainExplainOhCrap oh wait]]".
* On Miami Hotline:
-->"...due to a rather oddly placed stealth mission, you might actually stop to think that this game is actually really frustrating and the techno music is getting on your tits. Well... not really on your tits just on the tips of them (shows Yahtzee's avatar on a couch with a keyboard on its chest) like a kitten, but you don't wanna wake it up but there's something important you have to do (avatar looks on as couch catches on fire).
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Anarchy Reigns]]
* "There's flying under the radar, but with zero hype and sneaking onto shelves in early January, ''Anarchy Reigns'' isn't so much flying under the radar as riding the fucking subway!"
* Snarking on the oxymoronic title. "It's like calling your name ''Dog Meows'' or ''[[TakeThat Margaret Thatcher Cares]]''."
* "There's such a fucking shortage of [[OverlyNarrowSuperlative macho grizzled bad-asses voiced by]] [[Creator/StevenBlum Steve Blum]] in gaming that we've had to start recycling them now." Meanwhile, ''VideoGame/{{Bulletstorm}}'' peeks in sheepishly and says "Erm..."
* "I think I just beat up someone very thin, with a really clingy outfit and a stance like their hips have become dislocated. Oh well, that'll narrow it down to ''every single fucking female character in the game.''"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:DMC: Devil May Cry]]
* "Ramble gramble-oh, never mind."
* The similes used to describe how {{anvilicious}} the story is.
* The callback to his ''ShadowsOfTheDamned'' review.
* An unfortunate idiom lurches rapidly into [[spoiler:HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday]]
** "When the big boss expands like the asshole in the prison showers and takes on his city-destroying form, my first reaction should NOT be 'Phew, that's a relief.' [[ItMakesSenseInContext I thought my rowboat was about to be made seaworthy.]]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Cave]]
* Saying how ''The Cave'' is "an adventure game by Double Fine, not to be confused with the Double Fine Adventure Game that Kickstarter has already allowed to make more money than the rehab clinic next to Lindsay Lohan's house."
* "I guess they can't be hipsters after all, 'cause in that case the Cave would have granted them all [[AcceptableTargets a swift punch in the throat!]]"
* "Since this game has come out for [[LongList Steam, XBLA, PSN, Wii U, graphing calculators, and handfuls of Scrabble tiles on metal trays]], you can use whatever control method you like, but I needed to only use the mouse so I could use my other hand to keep a tally of every time the game repeated itself."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch]]
* The StudioGhibli Bingo board.
* Accidentally referring to the game's subtitle as "Wrath of the White Guilt" and "Wrath of the White Privilege".
* TheStinger at the end involves the game's child protagonist [[ItMakesSenseInContext extracting some enthusiasm from a man]], seeing another rather skeptical-looking individual full to the brim with restraint, and silently giving his needle full of enthusiasm a knowing look. HilarityEnsues, if you consider StuffBlowingUp hilarious.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Aliens: Colonial Marines]]
* Part of the beginning of the review where he compares people wanting him to review the game to lighting a firework and running away, shoving someone into the girl's toilets or putting an unwanted child into a pen with a scary dog:
--> "Oh I see! No one wants me around when the new ''VideoGame/CallOfDuty'' is training you to ignore another quality control instinct, but the moment something comes along that offends what few taste buds you have left then suddenly I'm your personal attack gopher. Well how do you know I don't actually really like ''Colonial Marines''? [[{{Beat}} (*beat*)]] I don't, it's fucking atrocious! But you'd have looked pretty silly if I had wouldn't you?"
** And then he mentions that maybe he's just bitter because the developers are doing his job by acting like a bunch of school children trying to blame each other on who dropped the really eggy fart.
** There's also him mentioning that many doorways during multiplayer saw reenactments of ''Film/TheThreeStooges'' routines and how there's only so many times the words "Who farted?" can break the tension regarding waiting for an elevator to come down at the end of a level
* The talk of his favorite glitch towards the end of the review. What really sells it is the representative graphic of the boss alien pulling out a giant wooden mallet to smack the marine back to death while letting out a BigNo.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:[=Dead Space 3=]]]
* Simply put, all the bemoaning about how DeadSpace3 has given up all pretensions of being a SurvivalHorror, and has simply gone the ActionAdventure route like every other game from EA with a thin layer of SurvivalHorror flavoring put on top. Special points include how he figures the guy who originally pitched it as a SurvivalHorror has [[GivingUpOnLogic given up on the franchise]] as much as Yahtzee has, how the story has gotten exaggerated to the point it's like a WackyCollege RomanticComedy, and how patently idiotic it is for EA to use "Weapon Customization" as [[BribingYourWayToVictory a cheap excuse to milk the micro-transactions]] popularized by FarmVille:
--> EA Spokesperson: "Did you enjoy blowing real money on flooding your friends Facebook pages with news on you imaginary cows? Well you'll ''love'' blowing real money on being able to win a non-continuous game with less effort, thus cheapening any sense of achievement!"
--> Yahtzee: "I might be more indignant [[WhoWouldBeStupidEnough if I thought this might actually]] ''[[MissingStepsPlan work]]''. The scheme seems to be [[BankRobbery to walk in a bank with a gun and a ski mask on, put a bucket on the floor]], and say '[[StupidCrooks I'm going now, but if anyone wants to put money in there then, y'know, the option's open.]]', and [[TooDumbToLive if anyone DOES put money in the bucket, then that person probly shouldn't have HAD financial independence in the first place!]]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:[=SimCity=]]]
* The EA slimy-tentacle-puppet offers an explanation of the sewage-management "poo map" as a new feature that may be of interest to Yahtzee.
--> '''Yahtzee:''' [{{beat}}] Fucking '''[[SarcasmMode sold]]'''!
* In anticipation of a meteor strike, God's hand comes down from the sky and says:
-->THY TOWN HATH TOO MANY GAYS\\
[[SophisticatedAsHell GONNA BURN THY HONKY ASS]]
* Yahtzee's first choice for a city name.
--> '''Yahtzee:''' So on a desolate plot of land I placed the foundations for the emerging city of Dogbollock, U.S.A. 'Oh no no no!' went the little finger puppet, leaning over and typing a row of asterisks. 'You can't call your city ''that'', that would be ''ever'' so beastly!' Why not? It is a fun name. I would be having more ''fun'' as the mayor of a city called 'Dogbollock'. I'm hoping to set up a department of Dogbollock beautification.
* "I think there might be something wrong with the AI. This might also explain why my city was briefly terrorized by a rampaging criminal whose house turned out to be directly opposite the police station."
* In the beginning:
--> '''Yahtzee''': ElectronicArts. Arts. Arrrts... If there was ever a name that illustrated a need for some kind of verbal equivalent of social services that comes and forcibly takes words away if they're being misused.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct]]
* Likening {{Creator/Sony}} to a pushy mother and Kratos its little ballerina daughter, "whoring him out to every PlayStation game that will take him" when explaining why he isn't reviewing ''VideoGame/GodOfWarAscension''.
* The image of ''Videogame/BioShockInfinite'' sitting on the game store shelf holding a very large sign with the words "NEXT WEEK, ALRIGHT?" on it.
* When commenting on how the game [[ItsEasySoItSucks being too easy for what's ostensibly a "survival" title]]: "[[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything I think you need to punish me some more, Survival Instinct]]." (Temptingly sticks his rear in the air while Survival Instinct [[NoodleImplements breaks out something that looks like]] [[WhipItGood a whip]], paddle and [[ZorroMark branding iron]] thrown in a blender) "[[TooKinkyToTorture I've been a VERY bad boy.]]"
* "...So [the zombies] start smashing [a wooden fence] down to get at me and you'd better cast me in 'The Cask of Amontillado' because I'm about to fucking ''brick it''."
** Followed by stating that this unscripted event in a bad game is ''still'' better than a completely scripted event in a Triple-A Game such as, say, DeadSpace3, where, in his words "-I looked down a corridor with [[JumpScare fifteen vents along the wall]] and [[OhNoNotAgain thought to myself]] 'Yep, [[BloodSplatteredWarrior should've gone for the shampoo especially formulated for bodily fluids]]', and the music guy would trip and somehow fall on every button on his mixing desk.".
[[/folder]]

[[folder:[=BioShock=] Infinite]]
* When Yahtzee says that ''Infinite'' is a worthy sequel to the original ''Videogame/{{BioShock|1}}''
--> "Don't you mean [[VideoGame/BioShock2 second sequel]], Yahtzee?" [{{beat}}] "'''[[FanonDiscontinuity GET OUT.]]'''"
* The repeated statements about the game disappearing up its own butt, leading to a particularly hilarious end joke.
* "Andrew Ryan had some weird ideas about sweat ownership, but he was articulate, dangerously intelligent, and wouldn't let someone like Comstock run the fucking hot tap!"
* [[DisappointingLastLevel Shitty Final Level Syndrome]], A.K.A. "The Shinfles".
* His description of Booker getting outed at the Raffle as the "False Shepherd":
-->Columbia starts off perfectly fine, resembling a idyllic, cartoonish racist Disneyland until Father Comstock, city leader and alleged prophet, marks out [=DeWitt=] as the guy who's destined to fuck everyone's shit up, [[SelfFulfillingProphecy so he's forced to fuck everyone up after they all turn on him for being the guy who's going to fuck everyone up]].
* The "Santa Claus: Our Prophet" posters.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:LEGO City Undercover]]
* Describing the "pre-''VideoGame/BioShockInfinite'' mass":
-->"Where the mayor of {{VideoGame/SimCity}} is a [[VideoGame/MetalGearRisingRevengeance cyborg ninja]] wearing [[VideoGame/TombRaider2013 two very skimpy vests]] and is diverting civic funds into [[VideoGame/NiNoKuni bringing their dead mum back to life]]."
* Attempting to shake off the "post-''[=BioShock=]'' melancholy":
--> "Ooh, LEGO City! [[BreadEggsMilkSquick Cheerful, colourful, charming, plastic objects lodged in the sole of the foot]]. NO! Positive now!"
* On whether the game is really what the WiiU needs right now:
-->"I wouldn't say so; I mean, it doesn't even resemble a pneumatic drill!"
* Studs all have the face of a stud.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon]]
* So. Many. [[FreudWasRight Innuendos]]! Hell, quite a few of the comments reference just how "homoerotic" the review is.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Injustice: Gods Among Us]]
* [[SarcasticClapping [clap] [clap] [clap] [clap] [clap] [clap] [clap]]] [[NonSequiturThud WONK]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:FarCry 3: Blood Dragon]]
* [FRAME RESET]
* "A story campaign that you could miss entirely if a large dog happens to run past the screen at the wrong moment," illustrated with Yahtzee glaring at the dog for doing so.
* The image for "Eighties sci-fi action" is Adam Ant with a cyborg laser eye.
* "At the end of the cyber-day...", which is illustrated by a setting sun with a cyborg laser eye.
* Two about the clearing out of garrisons: looking back to the ordinary ''[=FarCry=] 3'', where you could leave it to "Mr. Whiskers and the forest friends", and pointing out that if there are no more enemies in the line of sight of the blood dragons, they may decide to "snack of some of Kyle Reese's Pieces instead; perhaps a plate of fish and Hicks!"
* Calling out the [[AntiClimax anticlimactic]] ending of the game, saying that there should have been a "disco arena space battle with another guard and armoured laser-dinosaur" where both combatants wield "''[[AmericanGladiators American Gladiator]]''-style paddles with hedge trimmers strapped to the ends".
* "Who could've predicted that a man dressed as a giant light-up purple cock would turn a few heads at the Paint-Drying Appreciation Society?"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Metro: Last Light]]
* "...apparently disregarding all the other cities in the world with underground transit systems, but maybe they've all been lost to rampaging hordes of cannibalistic buskers."
* "So there’s a quite hefty percentage of this game where I feel we’re lacking a sense of agency, but when I point that out the game gets kind of pissy."

-->''Metro: Last Light:'' “''Oh'', you want to feel like you’re the master of your destiny, do you? Fine! Go run around the [[EverythingTryingToKillYou surface]] for a bit”.

-->"So I do that, but then I’m all like,"

-->''Yahtzee'': “This [[DemonicSpider big-winged monster]] keeps trying to get me to play fetch with my entire body as the stick. Am I supposed to be killing it or just getting the fuck away?”.

-->''Metro: Last Light'': “Sorry! Can’t make it any clearer because Mr. '''Free Will''' thinks I’ve been ''railroading'' him too much!”

-->[[IncrediblyLamePun "Railroading,]] [[RunningGag LOL."]]
* TheStinger: "When Art Yom eats food does he go om yom yom [[LamePunReaction oh for fuck's sake]]."
[[/folder]]


[[folder:Next Gen Buyer's Guide]]
* "So far, it has been like watching the most retarded game of Texas Hold 'Em ever played, where everyone just sat and eye-balled each other for six months before someone finally called in the most wheezily, non-committed way possible, in the hopes it would make some else show their hand. Whereupon the flop cards were revealed to be: [[EpicFail A joker, a get-out-of-jail-free, and a Magus of the Vineyard]] from ''MagicTheGathering.''"
* Yahtzee's reaction to the PS4's social interaction functions: "Any chance of getting a dedicated 'Fuck Off' button on the controller, Sony?"
* Yahtzee's bridge analogy regarding making games for the Wii U.
-->"...recently a critical blow was dealt when someone at EA unguardedly mentioned that they weren't making any games for [the WiiU]...EA did backtrack on that remark though, perhaps realizing that before you burn a bridge, it might be smarter to wait and make sure the other two bridges aren't going to ''spontaneously combust.''"
* "'''DON'T!'''"
* Yahtzee's hilarious prediction of the dire consequences of the XBoxOne's Kinect system always being on:
-->"Oh, but the Kinect needs to be on all the time so you know when you're barking orders at it, but I want to feel comfortable talking about the Xbox in front of it. I might unguardedly say 'I hope Xbox doesn't nuke the Chinese' and then who knows what might happen."
-->*''Graphic shows the Kinect hearing the quoted part as "XBox: Nuke the Chinese," followed by a nuclear missile launching from the top of the Kinect''*
* Getting taken down and reposted to serve as Yahtzee's traditional "Shut up and let me enjoy my holiday break" video on Christmas Day is pretty chuckleworthy.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Fuse]]
* "Yaaaaaaaaawn... Sorry, ''Fuse''. You're not boring me, I was just up late last night." Cue image of a trash can containing a picture of a dolphin and several discarded tissues.
* The punchline of the shallow characterisation: "And then there's the black guy, who's just happy to be here."
* "UGH! You just made me think of ''Clive Barker's Jericho''! Thanks a lot, ''Fuse''!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Remember Me]]
* Yahtzee pointing out the pitfalls of how to name a game: the many analogies (all of which are funny in their own way) are capped off with him saying the title SHOULD NOT be something gaming journalists can twist into snarky headlines: "'Remember Me?' [[IncrediblyLamePun Kinda forgettable]]. (Puts on CoolShades and [[SmokingIsCool smokes]] [[CigarChomper a cigar]]) ''Arf-arf!''"
* Yahtzee complimenting how Nilin's butt is framed on the cover, claiming he likes to pretend ''it's'' saying the title out loud (complete with a SpeechBubble framing the title coming out of Nilin's ass).
--> '''Nilan's Butt:''' Remember Me!
--> '''Yahtzee:''' [[MaleGaze Certainly will!]]
* The constant jabs at how blatantly obvious the story is trying to set up the PlotTwist to the point it's TheUnTwist, to the point Yahtzee claims the game was [[YodelLand yodeling]] "TWIST! TWIST! TWIST!" like a mountain-top pretzel shack.
--> '''Yahtzee:''' "Finally, without wishing to [[{{Spoiler}} spoil]], [[WildMassGuessing the twists I came up with]] [[BetterThanCanon were WAY better than the ones the plot actually had]]. [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Not that I'm spoiling that there's a twist]]. Maybe the twist is that [[TheUnTwist there is no twist]], [[ParanoiaFuel you just don't know]]. [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Maybe the twist is that this review won't end two words from now]]." [{{Beat}}] [[spoiler: "DOUBLE TWIST!" *holds up two pretzels*]]
* The revelation of one the characters being named "[[AwesomeMcCoolName Edge]]" ("[[RebelLeader revolutionary leader]] and [[BlatantLies former U2 guitarist]]"), eventually leading to [[AcceptableTargets several hilarious jabs at Bono]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:[=E3=] 2013]]
* Depicting the PR outcomes of both the [=XBox=] One and PS4 with with an image of a paddling pool, where Sony proclaims itself "KING O' DA POOL", followed by Microsoft drowning itself.
* On ''Mirror's Edge 2'': "What's that? You were hoping to see some of the free-running gameplay in the free-running game? Well, hope into one hand, shit into the other, and see which one fills up first, motherfucker."
* The idea that Yahtzee has been sending {{Valve}} love cards complete with little pasta shells.
* Microsoft at the International Don't Fuck Up Championship. "It's for your own good. ''It's for your own good!''" paving the way for Sony to win the Sickest Burn in the History of the Universe trophy.
* His take on [[{{VideoGame/RyseSonOfRome}} Ryse: Son of Rome]] being [[FollowTheLeader too much like current military shooters]]: "Now all we need is a derisive pun. [[MedalOfHonor Medal of Roma]]: Aegian Warfighter? [[CallOfDuty Call-igula of Duty]]? [[{{VideoGame/Wolfenstein2009}} Return To Castle Vulcan-stein]]? I'll work on it."
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Deadpool]]
* "Oh, don't be like that, baby! ''{{VideoGame/Superman64}}'' [[TakeThat was years ago!]]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Animal Crossing: New Leaf]]
* "Radiohead put it best: You do it to yourself, ba-dow-dow, and that's what really hurts."
* "PAWN SHOP!"
* "A life free of debt!? You naïve fool, debt is your life!"
* "[[BreadEggsMilkSquick All the fossils will grow back tomorrow, you can replace your broke-ass fishing rod tomorrow, we'll know if your eyeball cancer's responding to treatment tomorrow]]."
* "Look at you, Yahtzee Croshaw; the virile [[CausticCritic mountain lion of game criticism]], [[ItMakesSenseInContext excited by a flower shop.]]"
* "[[ThoseWackyNazis Ach! You vill reveal your secrets, British svine!]] At vhat time did you catch ze [[InfinityPlusOneSword Vhale Shark]]?"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Ride to Hell: Retribution]]
* After his episode for ''VideoGame/TheLastOfUs'' got Yahtzee a ''lot'' of controversy from the fans of the game, he suggests a "bonding exercise" is in order, which he uses as an analogy for the review:
--> '''Yahtzee''': Load up your shotguns, join me around this barrel, and lets take it out on ''some motherfucking FISH!!!''
* Yahtzee then goes into elaborate detail about just how SCREAMINGLY BAD ''Ride to Hell'' is... then says [[SoBadItsGood that's the reason everybody should run out and buy it]].
** Special mention goes for the ExcusePlot, which has the main character try to find out the truth about his DisappearedDad, and why the BigBad is murdering all of his relatives.
--> '''Yahtzee''': "I'm just gonna spoil because ''fuck you'': in a climactic showdown, the evil gang leader [[TheUnReveal grandly reveals]] [[CaptainObvious that it was all because he didn't like Jake's dad much]]. ({{Beat}}) '''''That's''' the mystery!? I assumed that much when he sent eleven-thousand murderers dressed like Music/GunsNRoses backup drummers!"
* Yahtzee equating the game to a Retarded Child
--> '''Yahtzee''': It's a little retarded child with its head stuck in a cereal box and a massive great dump in its big boy pants going "I'm a real game now!" Of course you are, Ride To Hell.
* His sheer exasperation at the game's failings summarized in one line:
--> '''Yahtzee''': It's hard to think of even one thing Ride to Hell ''doesn't'' fuck up!!
* And despite that sheer exasperation, the best part of the video is how freaking ''elated'' he sounds to review something so atrocious.
--> '''Yahtzee''': ''Ride to Hell'' is the kind of bad that leaves me with a smile on my face.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Dark]]
* The metaphor for Microsoft lowing their standards due to the approaching end of the console generation.
-->Alright, son; we had fun on this boat over the years, but now it's time to sink it to the ocean floor and let all the bottom-feeders live in it.\\
But, daddy! Couldn't we just put a better engine on the boat, and not have to destroy all our cherished memories?\\
I think someone needs to go back in the naughty-box!
* "Considering ''Ride To Hell'', what is this, Absolute Garbage Awareness Month?"
* Suggesting that just straight out calling your game ''Dark'' is reaching the zenith/nadir of DarkerAndEdgier, or as Yahtzee puts it "Perhaps this represents a final culmination of the entertainment industry's long-held notion that the epitome of cool is sitting around being miserable with the lights turned off."
* "Eric is informed that he is a vampire, because a vampire drank all his blood, but either they immediately forget about that particular rule [accompanied by a illustration of a story writer saying: "[[/folder]]

[[folder: [[They Just Didnt Care Fuck it that'll do! ]]
]]"], or Eric creates about fifty more vampires during the course of every single combat section. Hey, I've got an idea: How about we play one of them? I wanna reroll my character into one that didn't get snake-eyes for charisma!"
* Yahtzee applying a badly written DialogueTree to a real conversation.
-->@@TELL ME MORE ABOUT AUDIBLE SOUND.@@
** @@I'M DONE WITH TALKING ABOUT YOUR NEW ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM. '''TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR LIVING ROOM.'''@@
* "In conclusion, [[ThatCameOutWrong suck my Dark dick!]] ...[[OhCrap I mean]], suck my dick, ''Dark''!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Mario & Luigi: Dream Team]]
* "The gameplay of Dream Team Bros is basically the same as Bowser's Inside Story. It switches between an isometric real world and 2D platforming inner world. Bowser's duodenum in the first case ("In yer go") and Luigi's brain in the second ("Chop Chop"). Both equally fucked up in their own special ways." (Mario, despite looking horrified from both options, opts for Luigi's brain, and you can see Luigi's head bulge from his entry).
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Rise of the Triad]]
* The game bringing back the original's most beloved features:
--> '''Yahtzee''': So we can speed around shooting the baddies like a Starlight Express cast member going postal?
--> '''Rise of the Triad''': Yep!
--> '''Yahtzee''': And we can fire cartoonishly powerful rocket launcher in mid-air?
--> '''Rise of the Triad''': Yep!
--> '''Yahtzee''': [[NonIndicativeName And it's still fuck-all to do with Triads]]?
--> '''Rise of the Triad''': Yep! And we still have the power-up that turns you into a dog!
--> '''Yahtzee''': *Gasps* With the little doggy nose at the bottom of the screen?
--> '''Rise of the Triad''': Yep!
--> '''Yahtzee''': And the little adorable paw coming up when you press buttons??
--> '''Rise of the Triad''': Err... no, we forgot about that.
--> '''Yahtzee''': *{{Beat}}* ...'''[[TheyChangedItNowItSucks ONE STAR]]'''.
* This:
--> '''Yahtzee''': So to evoke the same spirit, they just made the graphics really fucking murky so that distant enemies blend into the background and locating the assholes turns into some kind of hardcore bullet-themed game of Marco Polo.
* The second act of the game:
--> '''Yahtzee''': Rise of the Triad does a very naughty thing around the second act:
--> '''Rise of the Triad''': Bet you're enjoying all this fast paced violence, aren't you? But this isn't a perfect recreation of 90's retro shooters yet! We haven't had enough ''shitty first-person platforming challenges''!! Hope you like trying to accurately jump onto tiny platforms when your feet only exist hypothetically, because if you don't do it perfect we're going to '''kill you'''! And then '''laugh'''! ''And then display your corpse at the museum of failure wearing a silly hat''!
* Quicksaves > Autosaves:
--> '''Yahtzee''': But on the other hand it's not entirely the fault of retro-gaming. Because you know what the original Rise of the Triad had? Quicksave! Not autosave, presided-over by a sloth reading a really interesting magazine. First person jumping challenges are a bit of a pisser, but an entire sequence of the things that you have to start all over again at the slightest failure is a 12-Storey flying pisser circling the neighbourhood, contaminating all the swimming pools!
* Yahtzee's reaction to the game mocking him for failure and the accompanying visual
--> '''Yahtzee''': I'd fantasize about impaling the voice actor with an ocean liner piston, [[AssShove butthole-first]].
* When Yahtzee compares casual games...:
--> '''Yahtzee''': Now when you're ready I want you to press this button. [Imp misses the button] Okay, that was slightly to the left of the button, but keep trying, you're doing ever so well.
** ...to hardcore games...:
--> '''Yahtzee''': Oh, look at this wee-man, thinks he can roll with us. Maybe if you ate this entire live crab right now. '''While I'm hitting you.''' '''''With the crab.'''''
** ...and then says that both methods are good, except when games try to have it both ways:
-->'''Yahtzee''': Are you the kind of hurly-burly power-armour marine that can save the planet from the giant death crabs from space? Well, prove it, '''by pressing this button'''. Now, when you feel up to it, shoot that monster that we tied to a stake and put a giant glowing arrow over. You know what, never mind, I'll do it.
* The ending:
--> '''Yahtzee''': Maybe they'll put more levels out. Maybe they'll remember to put some fuckin' Triads in them this time.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Papers, Please and Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons]]
* "If they spell their name with a different vowel just once, then it's off to talk to the nice men with guns in the building that people go into a lot, but don't seem to come out of so much."
** "Hey, you know who'd like to see your hairy balls? These nice men with guns!"
* His analogy that the limited number of upgrades you can give to your booth are about "As useful as free [=WiFi=] connections in [[UsefulNotes/NaziGermany Auschwitz's prison showers]]" CrossesTheLineTwice by itself, but considering the game is a BlackAndGreyMorality tale that takes place in a tyrannical {{Ruritania}}, it really complements the game in a BlackComedy manner.
* While talking about ''Brothers'', Yahtzee wonders why the kids are pulling a ''Film/SavingPrivateRyan'' for their father. The visual shows the kids with army hats firing rapidly and screaming.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Pikmin 3]]
* Right off the bat, Yahtzee pulls a brilliantly tortured metaphor:
--> "It's like the fucking trenches of the Somme in there! Except the Allied soldiers are physically thrown at the German war machine by their commanders and every German casualty gets dragged into the Allied trenches just to have their flesh minced up and converted into rations. That'll teach me to pre-judge! Thanks, Pikmin 3, you fucking monster!"
* [[ItMakesSenseInContext Shigeru Miyamoto, complete with his trademark smile, tossing helpless cats into a canal.]]
** [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext And Yahtzee, tossing hamsters into the same.]]
* Everything involving the dodos.
* From the end credits: "The last time I threw a bunch of vegetables around, [[CrossesTheLineTwice I got fired from my job at the coma ward]]."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Killer Is Dead]]
* "You get subweapons by seducing women in what are termed the Gigolo Missions, to which I am grateful for teaching me the never-fail method of picking up women. Sit staring at them without saying a bloody word with a constant look on your face like you just caught a whiff of their panty stank and it did very little to impress, and whenever she looks away stare ''right'' down her tits like you're planning a spelunking expedition. Then having brought the mood in the room to a simmering erotic tension, SHOVE an expensive present in her face with such violence that if she'd been an inch closer, she'd need a sink plunger to pull her nose back out. Repeat until sex. At which point she will give you a drill. See, where I was going wrong was assuming that women aren't power tool vending machines with one slot for flowers and another for cock."
* "Anyway today's [[KatanasAreJustBetter sword-wielding]] [[ProfessionalKiller assassin]] protagonist is 'Mondo Zappa', whose interesting qualities kind of begin and end with his name, frankly. He looks like a nine-year-old boy who got stretched on The Rack for three days and then someone gave him a robot arm and a school uniform."
** "(Mondo's) from that school of characterization that thinks there's nothing cooler than being incapable of showing emotion, 'cause of course my granddad's been getting pussy like you wouldn't believe ever since he had the stroke."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs]]
* The opening:
--> '''Yahtzee''': If you're gonna call a horror adventure game "Amnesia", you might as well call a first-person shooter "Bullets".
* "...and while being chased down a darkened factory of death by a pigman squealing like his pork-scratchings are caught in a door-hinge is not something I would enter into without first making room in the household-budget for reupholstering the computer chair”, said chair then shown with a hole in the seat and some [[BringMyBrownPants rather dubious stains on the wall behind it]].
* Confused low-brow company executive: "Couldn't we just call it ''Amnesia: Revelations'' or something?"
* Summing up the first game:
--> '''Yahtzee''': If you need some kind of primer on the first Amnesia game, put on a blindfold and ''shit yourself''. That'll about bring you up to speed.
* Comparing the plots of the two games:
--> '''Yahtzee''': Don't worry about the plot [of The Dark Descent], because the new one's largely unconnected, besides the fact that its ''basically the same plot'': You are a very British man, who wakes up alone in a spooky mansion with the eponymous headfart, and must make his way down to an increasingly scary environment, gradually piecing together why its gone all scary and how involved you were in the process, and I'll put down a spoiler warning here unless you work in the paint-tasting factory, but the answer is... [[spoiler: '''A lot''']].
* '''SHPOILER VORNING'''
* Briefly calling the game 'A Sausage For Breakfast.'
* Feeling ''in the dark'':
--> '''Yahtzee''': Like the previous Amnesia, if you don't find all the text documents and shit, you might feel a bit ''in the dark'' on what the fuck's going on, as well as ''in the dark generally''.
* His final words regarding why ''The Dark Descent'' was more effective than ''A Machine For Pigs:''
--> '''Yahtzee''': Being hunted through a tunnel by something that's going to pull my twat out through my nose if it finds me, now that is horror I can get a sense of. The sense is ''smell'', ''and the smell is'' '''''piss'''''.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Grand Theft Auto V]]
* He gives his final statement as to what the game could have done better, then, after a brilliantly tortured simile involving a soldier getting his leg blown off in WWII, caps the video off with the soldier writing a letter home:
-->"Dear Mum, Remember when my dance instructor said I had two left feet? Well I managed to redress the balance somewhat...P.S.: '''FUCKING HELL! UAAAARRGGHH!'''"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Lost Planet 3]]
* His protests that the characters are just a collection of NationalStereotypes, and how this proves necessary because, outside of their {{Funetik Aksent}}s, [[InsultToRocks there's no way to tell each other apart]].
* His explanation about how this game and ''VideoGame/DeadSpace3'' switch their signature styles with a visual of the two games [[MeadowRun running to each other and making out]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Beyond: Two Souls]]
* [[strike:Jodi]] Ellen Page's reasons for being depressed:
--> '''Yahtzee''': Anyway, Ellen Page is very sad her whole life because [[CursedWithAwesome there's an invisible ghost following her around who kills everyone she doesn't like.]] '''Fucking suck it up, Ellen Page!''' Some of us had to make do with Rat Poison growing up!
* Yahtzee marks the start of another BerserkButton trend (namely the idea that every game [[ColonCancer needs to have two separate phrases marked by a colon]] (especially since it indicates {{Sequelitis}} before the first sequel even gets released). He is especially peeved at how, if you only say one part of ''Beyond: Two Souls'', [[IThoughtItMeant everybody would confuse it for something else]].
--> '''Yahtzee:''' I've been playing ''Beyond''!
--> '''Bystander:''' [[DeadpanSnarker "Beyond" what, "Beyond" the limits of social acceptability?]] (Cuts to Yahtzee [[JustOneMoreLevel bleary-eyed and desperately playing a game]], surrounded by [[UrineTrouble several jars of urine he apparently filled himself]].)
--> '''Yahtzee:''' [[ThatCameOutWrong No, I mean]], I've been playing ''Two Souls''!
--> '''Bystander:''' [[WrongGenreSavvy Oh right, isn't that]] [[NintendoHard that really hard game]] from BY Software - [[LastSecondWordSwap I mean, by]] FROMSoftware?
--> '''Yahtzee:''' ''No'', that's ''VideoGame/DarkSouls''!
--> '''Bystander:''' [[OverlyLongGag Oh, so you were playing some game about]] [[AssShove the exploration of several human sphincters]]?
--> '''Yahtzee: ''[[RuleOfThree NO]]''''', that's '''''[[AnatomyTropes Arse Holes]]'''''!
** Eventually, Yahtzee gives up on saying ''Beyond: Two Souls'', and instead gives [[GenreTitleGrabBag an increasingly hectic list of alternate titles, all revolving around having]] EllenPage somewhere in them.
* When complaining that EllenPage [[HystericalWoman spends half the game sounding like she's about to cry]], [[InelegantBlubbering and the other half actually crying]], Yahtzee realizes that [[{{Wangst}} most of the other characters spend their time crying]], and thinks that their collected tears [[UpToEleven could irrigate the entire Sahara Desert]].
** Although he admits it would be HypocriticalHumor to mock the UncannyValley of the facial expressions (seeing as how, [[TechnologyMarchesOn as little as a decade ago, people were lucky if the characters even moved their mouths when they said their lines]]), he still can't ignore the {{Narm}} of "-whenever someone's supposed to be at the limits of screaming emotion in this game, they look more like they're concentrating really hard... on trying to do a horse impression." (shows a character going "Neeeeigh!", causing Yahtzee to do a DoubleTake.)
* Initially getting excited of some gameplay in a Creator/DavidCage game that isn't a string of {{Quick Time Event}}s "cracking off like farts from a row of nervous pigs", Yahtzee is [[{{Understatement}} disappointed]] to see that the only part these mechanics come into play (outside of the JustifiedTutorial) is ''[[TheyWastedAPerfectlyGoodPlot one stinking level]]'' (which, [[SarcasmMode coincidentally]], [[NeverTrustATrailer is the only one showcased in the gameplay trailers]]).
* Criticizing the schizophrenic MoodWhiplash of the story ([[InformedAttribute from a game company and director allegedly about pushing means of story-telling]]), claiming how one point the story is about [[HomelessHero how Ellen Page is forced to see the grim realities of homelessness in the modern world one moment]], [[GilliganCut and in the next is]] [[MagicalNativeAmerican using spirit magic to fight]] [[NativeAmericanMythology Native American demons]].
** With a pair of [[HilariousInHindsight hunky boys.]]
* Yahtzee believes that the QuanticDream games are better suited [[AllPsychologyIsFreudian for providing psychological information on]] Creator/DavidCage, believing that Beyond: Two Souls shows he believes WisdomFromTheGutter, and that the enemies of mankind are {{Corrupt Corporate Executive}}s - that, [[AintTooProudToBeg or he's sucking up to the]] {{Hobos}} [[TakeThat he'll have to live with]], after QuanticDream [[AuthorExistenceFailure eventually fires him or goes out of business]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD]]
* Yahtzee stating that the reason Link wears a green tunic in the game is because his nan wanted him to take part in Ocarina of Time cosplay.
* "The point is, Wind Waker-Link doesn't march about with self-righteousness jammed up his arse like a frozen tent-pole 'cause [[TheChosenOne he's naturally destined to be oh-so-bloody great at everything]]. He's a character, with flaws and goals: rescue sister, drink soup, [[FirstPersonSnapshooter take photos of everything for some reason]]."
* "That's about the final word! Except for this one: [[InherentlyFunnyWords Mingegurgle."]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Batman: Arkham Origins]]
* "Twat that bat." That is all.
** Also, believing that some of Bane's new characterization in Origins is based off Bane's characterization in ''[[TheDarkKnightSaga The Dark Knight Rises]]'', which leads to Yahtzee [[VomitIndiscretionShot vomiting when he first brings the possibility up]], and making several jokes about Bane's "[[WTHCostumingDepartment jockstrap oxygen mask]]".
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag]]
* "Instead of Future Desmond, we are now Future Silent Protagonist..."
-->'''Future Desmond's tombstone''': FUTURE DESMOND/NONE BLANDER
-->'''Future Silent Protagonist''': ([[TheFaceless Missing a face]]) I'll take *that* challenge
** "...an employee for a French-Canadian video game developer being pressured to produce results by their evil corporate owners. WriteWhatYouKnow, ey, lads?!"
* The cameos by [[VideoGame/AssassinsCreedIII Connor]] and [[VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaTheWindWaker Wind Waker!Link]] (getting their ships blown out of the water by Edward Kenway).
* At one point, Yahtzee mentions the game's unlockable sea shanties. What song does he use to illustrate this subject? [[Music/LadyGaga "Poker Face"]].
** The episode's entry on the [[http://zeropunctuation.wikia.com/wiki/Assassin%27s_Creed_IV:_Black_Flag Zero Punctuation Wiki]] heaps another layer of funny onto that scene by adding the caption, "Hope you're not expecting any applause-plause for that one, lads".
* The following theoretical conversation, referring to Yahtzee’s aversion of side-quests in [[VideoGame/AssassinsCreedIII the previous game]]:
-->"Hmm, yes, well-tutorialised. Tell me, do I ever need to do this again?"\\
"Well, not really, but it can help you make money to develop your homestead–"\\
[[ScrewThisImOuttaHere "Cheery-bye!!"]]
* "...AssassinsCreed isn't a series of games anymore, AssassinsCreed is [[CashCowFranchise a fucking line graph]]! The line [[ContestedSequel went down a bit for Ass-Creed 3]], but [[SurprisinglyImprovedSequel now it's gone up again]], and [[EvenBetterSequel maybe it'll keep going up in the next one]], or maybe [[{{Sequelitis}} it'll take another plunge]]. What I ''do'' know is that this line graph is being drawn on what appears to be [[{{Sequelitis}} a depressingly long sheet of paper]], - at the end of which is {{Ubisoft}} [[OverlyLongGag and I do not like the look of that stapler it's holding!]]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Call of Duty Ghosts]]
* ''[=CoD=]: Ghosts'' is not "a game about the vengeful spirits hanging around an English chip shop". (Ethereal fish: "Yooouu killed meeee.")
* "...because not only is the U.S. outsourcing their weapons development to fucking Megatron..."
* Yahtzee lampshades that the titular Ghosts, despite being billed as a 'stealth unit' have zero sense of subtlety.
-->"The Ghosts, as the name might imply, are ostensibly a legendary stealth unit that specializes in taking down larger forces through sneaky guerrilla tactics. So obviously, one of the first things you do in the game is ram-raid an enemy base in a burning truck and start gunning down every living thing from the dandelions on upwards. Yeah, that's some good ghostin' there, lads! Truly, thou art akin to the flicker of a candlelight shadow as you waddle around an open field being shot at from nineteen different directions."
* Yahtzee highlighting the absurdity of the game's ExcusePlot:
-->"[South America] attack America by hijacking America's orbital missile weapon. OK, gonna stop you there again, Ghosts! Firstly, so much for the enemy being "superior" if they can't make their own superweapons and gotta pinch 'em like safari park baboons nicking the windscreen wipers. And secondly, ''orbital fucking missile weapon''!? This invasion is sounding more justifiable by the second!"\\
--\\
"Oh, no, America has been attacked and is weakened and there's no defenses except an inexhaustible supply of tank battalions and an army of killer robots. And we would've had a doomsday satellite if the rest of the world hadn't gotten all weird about it!"
* "Just for fun I kept a running tally of all the characters in the story campaign who aren't burly white dudes and you are under no obligation to shoot. The final total was three: a female astronaut right at the start who immediately dies, a helicopter that spoke with a woman's voice, and a black member of the Ghosts unit [[BlackDudeDiesFirst who immediately dies]]. And, frankly, when that happens, [[SkewedPriorities the main characters displayed less emotion than when their dog got shot]]. [[DullSurprise "Dammit, the black guy died!"]], they seemed to say, "[[SomeOfMyBestFriendsAreX Now we can't claim to have tons of black friends while arguing on the internet!]]"
* "...But somehow it's only getting worse! Black Ops II actually came across as at least slightly self-aware, and Modern Warfare One went so far as being profound, such as in that bit where you die slowly and horribly in a nuclear blast. If that happened in [=CoD=]: Ghosts, you'd probably just fart all the radiation out in one big heroic guff, pull the broken glass out of your eyeballs, and then use it to shiv the Ayatollah."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Exclusives Showdown]]
* When going down the list of exclusives for the XBoxOne and the PlayStation4, he comes down to ''VideoGame/{{Killzone}}: Shadow Fall'' vs. ''VideoGame/{{Titanfall}}'', and was commenting on the latter when he's informed of a bit of new information, consequently winding up giving no points to either console:
--> '''Yahtzee:''' But maybe- what's that? ''Titanfall'' is getting a PC release? Well that undermines the whole cocking premise, doesn't it?!
* Yahtzee's closing remark:
--> So at the end of that, the [=PS4=] has the most points in this pointless-conjecture-of-games-I-haven't-played competition, and therefore has a slight edge in the upcoming grimy basement knifefight. But viewer, there lies a world outside this grimy basement: the world of PC gaming! All you have to do is come up the stairs and into the light, feel the rays of the sun and the cool breeze upon your skin [[BaitAndSwitchComment then go down some more stairs into the other grimy basement next door.]]
* Each round is introduced with a SelfBackingVocalist rendition of the round's title. Round Four, "Driving [[BritishAccents Aboot]]" has him singing "Driving about, driving about, driving about, driv-ing about" as a poor rendition of the ''Series/DoctorWho'' theme. which cuts out just as he goes into the ''ooo-eee-ooo'' theremin part.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Ryse: Son of Rome]]
* Describing the main protagonist Marius "As in, '[[SuperMarioBros Thank you Marius!]] [[YourPrincessIsInAnotherCastle But our emperor is in another castle. ]]'"
* Him describing the [[LoadsAndLoadsOfLoading loading screens]] of the Xbox One.
-->'''Yahtzee:''' I put in the disc, and up comes an exciting next-gen percentage [[LoadsandLoadsofLoading that takes five sodding minutes to get to 1%.]]
-->'''Xbox One:''' Don't worry, you don't have to wait 'til it gets to 100% before you can start playing!
-->'''Yahtzee:''' OK, so what percentage do I have to wait for?
-->'''Xbox One:''' '''I'm not telling you!'''
* Him blasting the plot of the game: first from the AnachronismStew (such as [[spoiler: Boudicca besieging Rome with war elephants]]), then of how it's ripping off elements of other stories on the Roman Empire.
-->'''Yahtzee:''' "...the plot seems to have been written in five minutes by someone who watched half of ''Film/TheEagle'' and half of ''Film/{{Gladiator}}'', while someone playing ''Franchise/GodOfWar'' in the same room [[FiringInTheAirALot occasionally fired a gun into the air]]."
* "Although the more realistic graphics get, the stupider it looks when enemies glitch around the battlefield in order to be in the right position for your pre-animated finishing move, like [[Comicbook/XMen Nightcrawler]] has [[DrivenToSuicide acquired a death wish.]]"
* "But Yahtzee, [[SceneryPorn the environments are pretty]]!" "[[SarcasmMode Oh shit I forgot, 10/10!]]"
* Calling it the [[CallOfDuty Modern Warfare]] shooter [[RecycledInSpace decked out in sandals and fashionable miniskirts]], detailing all the ways in which it is and then saying "all it needs is a central cast consisting exclusively of burly white d...oh."
* Transitioning that to a final summary of the system.
--> '''Yahtzee:''' Well, let's just say the XBone starts as it means to go on. [[TooDumbToLive With a brick on the accelerator and a hose on the exhaust pipe]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Dead Rising 3]]
* Summary of Capcom's writing process:
-->'''Step 1''': [[FaceHeelTurn Someone turns evil]] [[TheyJustDidntCare for a stupid reason]].
-->'''Step 2''': [[VideoGame/ResidentEvil5 BOULDER]] [[MemeticMutation PUNCHING.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Super Mario [=3D=] World]]
* Yahtzee makes a comment about how the powerups are based off of the first thing that developers glanced at in the room, as illustrated by a generic character staring from his desk and then noticing a cat. The following illustration then shows [[BaitAndSwitch Desk Mario.]]
* Yahtzee commenting how the box art looks like it forgot its background and instead left a Photoshop transparency layer.
--> '''Yahtzee''': That was one for my Photoshop-using homies, peace.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Top 5 Games of 2013]]
* The opening lines in their entirety.
-->Life is an exercise in duality. One can only appreciate pleasure if there has been pain to put it into context. The delightful taste of a Knickerbocker Glory is nothing if you've never staked your bollocks out over a worktop and set about them with a toffee hammer. Anyway, that's why I'm not allowed in the ice cream parlor anymore...
* As per 2010 and 2011, the best and worst games have an analogous experience, but here, they're directly linked to one another. For example, while the fifth best is "Earning the respect of a competent middle manager," the fifth worst is "Earning the respect of a large horny dog."
** The descriptors for tiers four and three:
-->'''4th Best:''' Shaking hands with Kofi Annan\\
'''4th Worst:''' Realising your flies were unzipped the whole time you were shaking hands with Kofi Annan\\
'''3rd Best:''' It wasn't Kofi Annan at all, it was Nelson Mandela\\
'''3rd Worst:''' Hang on, Nelson Mandela's dead, and you've just committed a massive faux pas at an open casket funeral
* Yahtzee being outright hesitant to name-drop ''Ride To Hell'' before giving it the Lifetime Achievement Award [[spoiler: for '''Total Abhorrence''']].
* Definitely qualifies as BlackComedy, but the end-of-credits message is worthy of a laugh or two:
-->"I suspect next year will just be a bottom 10 followed by a gunshot"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Knack]]
* Speaking on console launches:
--> '''Yahtzee''': People tell me most consoles aim for being loss leaders these days. Well I don't know about that but they certainly are [[IncrediblyLamePun ''Dr''oss Leaders!]] [[DontExplainTheJoke ...Leaders in the field of Dross!]]
--> *{{Beat}}*
--> '''Yahtzee''': You know, [[WhoWritesThisCrap I got paid money to write that!]]
* Yahtzee's epic use of assonance in the summary:
--> '''Yahtzee''': VideoGame/{{Knack}} is [[UnusualEuphemism cack.]] It's a [[RhymesOnADime fat sack of cack smoking crack]]. You might think smoking crack would give it some thwack, but the crack is whack and turns the lungs black, and I'd think of a better way to end this attack, but cut me some slack, [[SelfDeprecation I'm too much of a hack.]] ''Oh snack!'' I mean "snap."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Broken Age]]
* Yahtzee gives his feelings on crowdfunding and how much of a budget the game got due to it:
--> '''Yahtzee''': Tim Schafer could've made a fucking escape-the-room flash game and it would have made the money. He could have released ''Space Quest IV,'' or ''Leather Goddesses of Phobos 2,'' or a pile of owl droppings on the end of a length of rope, and it would have made the money back.
* He very humorously summarizes his beliefs regarding what merits the game should be judged on, and why:
--> '''Yahtzee''': It's like saying you can't expect a racehorse to run as fast as his dad did: ''Then why did you charge so much for his spunk!?''
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Might and Magic X]]
* Yahtzee's critique of the game's openness is hilarious just for the sheer speed at which it's delivered:
-->'''Yahtzee:''' You know me, I like a game that lets me fend for myself a bit, but not putting a sign down every ten yards pointing to the next objective in case the independent thought makes your brain explode is one thing. Giving no guidance whatsoever [[MotorMouth except the sensation of your top halves being separated from your bottom halves by a single swing of a minotaur's axe after you blunder into an area too high-level for you and send off a fireball that disperses harmlessly across his meaty buttocks like a watery cum-shot that was sufficiently offensive to him that he's prepared to chase you to the corners of the fucking Earth because you can't run away from fights even if your situation is hopeless and you only realize that after making the first strike of getting within melee range like the gormless sad sack that you are]], ''is quite another!''
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Dark Souls]]
* His comparison of ''VideoGame/DarkSouls'' to entering a [[RakeTake rake-filled shed]].
--> '''Yahtzee''': Last chance - I'll just keep tanking the rakes and maybe I'll somehow become really psychotically [[UnusualEuphemism into being rake-faced]] just in time to be prepared for [[VideoGame/DarkSoulsII the sequel]]. [[GreenEggsAndHam And I'll be blatted in the face with a rake if that isn't kind of what happened!]]
* Yahtzee was originally against playing Dark Souls because of the secrecy and the attention it garnered.
--> '''Yahtzee''': But then, after watching a decent LetsPlay of the game, gone over [[TheWikiRule the wikia a few times]] and gone over a six week preparation with a team of advisers and physical trainers, I was able to break through the wall.
--> *Cut to an image of Yahtzee looking crazy, in a cannon barrel aimed at a brick wall and screaming "DO IIIIT!"*
* The cheeky grin on the "smug player" and restating him explaining a [[BlatantLies completely easy]] [[GuideDangIt to get]] item.
--> '''Yahtzee''': Sure, that boss is easy-peasy, as long as you have the orange Listerine ring. Which you must have gotten since the [[BlatantLies chest is out in the open]], in a cave, in a different postal code, [[GuideDangIt behind two secret walls and a fire]].
** Even funnier in that experienced players will know ''precisely'' which ring (and boss) he's referring to.[[note]]The Rusted Ring to make the fight against the Hydra easier, as it negates the walk-speed decrease in water[[/note]]
* Him being disappointed that the [[VideoGame/{{Thief2014}} next]] [[VideoGame/CastlevaniaLordsOfShadow2 games]] on his list won't be nearly as challenging.[[note]] Depicted by him [[PowerGlows glowing with power]] and levitating before firing eye-beams at one of the games[[/note]]
--> '''Yahtzee''': Now that I am in the zone,I'm going to be fucking ruined at the usual standard of game difficulty. I'm going to have to play the new [[VideoGame/{{Thief2014}} Thief]] game with a lobster on each bollock.
* Him describing that [[TrialAndErrorGameplay memorizing all of the enemy attack patterns]] turns [[TheDeterminator you into]] [[CrazyPrepared fantasy]] {{Batman}}, complete with his animated avatar transforming from a regular knight into the Dark Knight.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII]]
* "Make the plot holes bigger, Final Fantasy, I don't think this trainwreck is going to fit through them yet!"
** "Choo-choo! Now arriving at Plot Hole Station!"
* The RunningGag of referring to the Garb system as underpants.
* "The Evangelism isn't so much a subtext as it is a hot pancake to the face."
* "But as tends to be the case with {{JRPG}}s, the combat exists in another dimension to the rest of the game entirely." The accompanying slide depicts the combat taking place in a ImagineSpot inside Lightning's mind, while Lightning in reality waves around a stick around in empty air and makes incoherent noises, as a passing-by father quickly drags his child along while mumbling: "Don't stare dear."
* The image of Lightning waiting for missions to become available by having her impatiently wait in front of a clock and a velvet rope line ("c'mon, c'mon, c'mon") and giddily charging in as soon as the rope disappears ("yaaaaay"), mostly because it's so [[TheStoic out of character for her to behave that way]].
* And finally, his summation:
--> "So what am I supposed to do now, game? Grind? [[CallBack Buy better underpants?]] I've only got four in-game hours to do this bloody quest; I'm finding this whole timer thing very paralyzing, but not as much as the knowledge that even if I get through this, my only reward would be more time spent with Shite-ning and Hope-On-A-Rope whereas, if I just stopped playing, I could instead eat all the individual Mr. Kipling Apple Pies in the house. Sorry, Lightning Returns, you lose to pie...tning returns."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Dark Souls 2]]
* One of his favorite bosses from the first game was the Gaping Maw Dragon, which he referred to as "the incomplete open-heart surgery dragon", for its creativity.
* Yahtzee describing the difficulty, and commenting on the perk of being able to easily swap routes if one is "feeding you your own eyeballs".
-->So if one area is feeding you your own eyeballs, you can maybe leave it for now and look for a gentler one. And good fucking luck, you shrieking mimsy.
* His overall description of the "When Dark Souls gives you chocolate buttons, it has to take away your heart medication with the other hand" that came with Dark Souls 2, where any good changes were counterbalanced by punishing ones, culminating in the game threatening to map the buttons [[TakeThat to the Kinect]].
* Dark Souls II yelling at its daughter for only getting a B+ on her colouring assignment.
--> '''Dark Souls II:''' Well, then you must have a '''SMACK''' and a '''SMACK''' and a '''SMACK''' and a '''SMACK''' and '''HOW ''DARE'' YOU''' '''HOW ''DARE'' YOU''' '''HOW ''DARE'' YOU''' '''HOW ''DARE'' YOU'''!?
--> '''Yahtzee''': Ah, that's what I love about you, Dark Souls, you don't ask for a lot, but... Um...
--> [[spoiler: *Cut to Dark Souls II [[ItMakesSenseInContext pouring petrol on its daughter]]*]]
--> '''Yahtzee''': Alright, you do ask for a lot.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Titanfall]]
* While explaining the vague plot that's frequently shifted to the side in favor of giant robot action, Yahtzee brings up an anecdote where he asked the other players if they had any ideas what was going on. Most of them were equally vague, except for one guy who responded by [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext asking if he was Jewish.]]
* Yahtzee criticizes the plot's irrelevance from whether or not you win or lose by comparing it to a [[Film/BackToTheFuture Back to the Future]] ride that tells you that only you can save the world, rumbles for a while, and then claims that you've saved the world regardless of who was paying attention or [[BreadMilkEggsSquick who was crushed to death by the ride.]]
** [[TheStinger "I lost a hat on that Back to the Future ride once. In many ways I never really moved on, emotionally."]]
* Yahtzee represents the robots in the game as stock toy robots with cat heads. This leads to an amusing bit in the credits where he proceeds to distract an oncoming mecha using the laser sight in his gun.
** He also describes his victories against the cat headed titans by running into a building, climbing up to the roof, and shoot at its "big stupid head". He compared the feeling to a mechanized WesternAnimation/TomAndJerry (complete with him laughing with mouse whiskers and ears)
* In relation to his growing interest in multiplayer and his acts of murder in Dark Souls:
--> '''Yahtzee''': "Well, this may surprise you, but I've been making more of an effort to do the multiplayer thing lately, partly for therapeutic reasons. VideoGame/DarkSouls helped. That game feels like it's trying to wean you onto social interaction. First you find someone's note advising you to "be wary of fatty", then you hire stalwart fellows to help you out with a boss fight, none of whom [[{{GIFT}} have headset mics so close to their mouths that you feel like their every utterance is trying to beat your ears to death with racial epithets]]. The turning point came when I was invaded, but the attacker bowed upon seeing me, a gesture of recognition to mark a duel between equals. "You know what," I thought, "Maybe I don't need to be so afraid of people all the time!" [[CombatPragmatist So while he was bowing, I ran up and stuck my halberd up his arse]]. "''Maybe it's '''people''' who need to be afraid of '''ME!'''''"
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Infamous: Second Son]]
* The opening:
--> '''Yahtzee''': I was a younger brother, y'know. Presumably still am, but I haven't checked lately.
* "Still, the range of elemental powers on display are pretty creative, although the word 'elemental' is getting stretched like a mozzarella bumhole at the novelty sausage gala '''''[[{{Metaphorgotten}} what am I on about]]'''''."
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes]]
* The entire introduction, where Yahtzee compares the ''MetalGear'' franchise to Lennie from ''Literature/OfMiceAndMen'', stating that Metal Gear might screw up and even get weird and creepy at times, but doesn't do so out of malice.
-->'''Yahtzee:''' Hey, Metal Gear? Why did you pretend MGS 2 would be about Solid Snake then replace him twenty minutes in with a cross between an albino Barbie doll and Wesley Crusher?\\
'''Metal Gear''': Duh, I'm sorry. I just wanted everyone to meet this cool new character I made up. He's a cyborg and his nipples turn into shurikens!\\
'''Yahtzee:''' Hey, Metal Gear? Why are all these emotionally traumatised young women thrusting their butts at the camera?\\
'''Metal Gear''': Duh, I'm sorry. Looking at bums makes my willy feel nice!
** Capping off with:
--->'''Yahtzee''': Did I ever tell you about the rabbits, Metal Gear?\\
'''Metal Gear''': [[spoiler:Are they down that shotgun barrel?]]\\
'''Yahtzee''': [[spoiler:[[MercyKill Why yes, Metal Gear. Have a closer look.]]]]
* Later when discussing the scene where [[spoiler: you extract a bomb from Paz's stomach in gory detail]], Yahtzee asks "Lennie Gear" a simple question.
--> '''Yahtzee''': Metal Gear, are you being weird about female characters again?
--> '''Metal Gear''': Noooo.
--> '''Yahtzee''': What's that behind your back, Metal Gear?
--> '''Metal Gear''': It's [[VideoGame/MetalGearSolidVThePhantomPain a female character]] who [[MsFanservice wears bikini tops and never speaks]].
--> '''Yahtzee''': Oh, Metal Gear!
[[/folder]]

[[folder: The Elder Scrolls Online]]
* Yahtzee points out the inherent grinding problem of MMO games and says that people tend to return to World of Warcraft to the time investment they've already put into it.
-->'''Yahtzee''': But since WoW starting providing an answer to the question "When have you officially put out too many expansions?" The answer being "When you start nicking ideas from [[WesternAnimation/KungFuPanda animated Jack Black vehicles]]."
* Taking potshots at the telegraphing attacks (to compensate for latency issues):
-->'''Yahtzee''': Don't patronize me, Mr. Skeleton! I may have a response time that would embarrass an elderly bulldog on dental anesthetic, but at least I can't be re-purposed as a xylophone!
[[/folder]]

[[folder: South Park: The Stick of Truth]]
* "''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' had already advanced animation from ''WesternAnimation/JosieAndThePussycats'' to the point that it could say 'Hey, your parents actually ''are'' still having sex', but it was ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'' that [[CrossesTheLineTwice went a bit further]] and declared 'Hey, maybe they're having sex with [[BestialityIsDepraved pigs]] and [[ToiletHumor handfuls of their own shit]] and, I dunno, [[EscalatingPunchline velociraptors]].'" Made especially funny by the pig saying "I needed the money" and Yahtzee's {{Vomit Indiscretion Shot}}s
* "You can't [[RedundantParody take the piss out of something that is itself taking the piss]], this isn't a fucking bucket chain! Nor can one be crass about something that's already deliberately crass, it's like trying to embarrass a poo by making it wear another little poo as a hat."
* At one point, Yahtzee admits that being sarcastic about the game leaning on ToiletHumor is HypocriticalHumor [[HypocrisyNod of the highest order, since he himself basically kicked off the review with an analogy]] [[AssShove where he gets his head shoved up Queen Elizabeth's ass]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Child of Day-Light]]
* Yahtzee's thoughts on one of Daylight's twists:
--> '''Yahtzee''': And look, that whole twist where the main character has a secret history with the horror? That only works if they have a character, besides a disembodied voice going "Is there anybody there?" or squeaking like a rusty hinge! We need to have made some assumptions about them before you can start subverting our assumptions! All I have to go on is that I'm a squeaky lady in a haunted house! So I turned to my brain and asked, "Why are we in this haunted house?", and my brain goes, "Well, presumably because we've got a secret history with the place." "'''Brain! Fucking spoiler warning!'''"
* This:
--> '''Yahtzee''': Also, I see a flaming spider in the overworld, wearing a flaming hat, spewing the words "I'm all about dat fire" in flaming letters, so I equip all my fire defence and water attack and start combat only to find that Earth Badger and Ice Dentist were hiding up his arse or something, so I have to fight them, too!
* As he's [[WebVideo/JimAndYahtzeesRhymedownSpectacular hosting a poetry show with Jim Sterling]], awful rhymes in ''VideoGame/ChildOfLight'' got him angered to a rarely seen degree.
--> '''Yahtzee''': "[[PainfulRhyme You can't rhyme 'delicious' with 'ravenous'!]] ''[[AccentOnTheWrongSyllable Emphasis is on the wrong syllable!]] '''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis YOU]] [[PrecisionFStrike FUCK!]]'''"''
** One of the ending slates reads: "You don't fuck around at my poetry slams mate".
[[/folder]]

[[folder:The Amazing Spider-Man 2]]
* "Yes, random street crimes is constantly occurring, and in the traditional sandbox manner you can jump in and resolve them. And when I say "''can''", I of course mean "''fucking have to or get shot!''" Ignore too many petty crimes and the anti-crime task force will be hostile, which delivers a bit of a mixed message: 'We're against vigilante justice, Spider-Man!' 'Wait, he's not doing any vigilante justice?' 'What an asshole! Let's kill him with vigilante justice!'"
* "And one time I failed the mission because I'd gotten the last guy to the safe zone, but the 'putting-him-down' animation hadn't quite finished before the timer ran out. Oh, you're not satisfied with my performance? Fine, I'll just fucking ''put him back''!"
* Concluding that, while he didn't care for the original ''The Amazing Spider-Man'' game, it was "24-carat gold" compared to ''The Amazing Spider-Man 2'', leading to this gem:
--> "Well, silver. Well, copper. Copper's still good, you can wire stuff up with it, like ''[[TakeThat The Amazing Spider-Man 2]]''[='=]s [[ToThePain nipples]]! [preparing to [[ColdBloodedTorture attach electric clamps]] to ''ASM2''[='=]s tits]
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Wolfenstein: The New Order]]
* "One of the first things we do is watch a soldier [[KickTheDog shoot a room full of hospital patients]] before we [[GroinAttack stab him right up the]] ''[[UnusualEuphemism Lebensraum]]''."
** Accompanied by said soldier crying [[PoirotSpeak "Ach mein bollocken"]].
* "'Hey, [[AcceptableTargets this guy's a Nazi]], [[RefugeInAudacity want to drown him in his own piss?]]' the game might ask. 'Sorry, did you say something? [[NoKillLikeOverkill I was busy drowning a Nazi in his own piss]],' we might reply."
* "The President's only bloody handcuffed to the launch codes because he loves to accessorize!"
* "Map screens in meat-head shooters have been rarely seen since the preferred method of navigating mission shooters became to set every single one ''in a fucking corridor'', with Christmas lights dangling overhead in case players get distracted by an overly-decorative skirting board."
* Yahtzee ends up grouping ''Wolfenstein: The New Order'' among the "pretty good meathead shooters" along with ''[[VideoGame/{{Resistance}} Resistance 3]]'' and ''VideoGame/EscapeFromButcherBay'', adding, "I've started mentally crossing out 'Franchise/TheChroniclesOfRiddick' part from that title in the hope of reducing the spread of infection."
* The ending, where Yahtzee throws in a limerick "just for old times' sake":
-->With the Wolfenstein series updated
-->It's straight-foward, and I can't hate it
-->For the goodies I root
-->And the baddies I shoot
-->And their corpses I leave desecrated
* [[TheStinger "ALL I WANNA KNOW IS WHETHER OR NOT MECHAHITLER IS STILL CANON"]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:WATCH_DOGS]]
* Yahtzee calling the game "[[ExactWords Watch Underscore Dogs]]" at one point.
* "WATCH_DOGS [[HypeBacklash does not live up to the hype]], but that's hardly fair because it would need to have made me spontaneously grow a third bollock to do that."
* "I really liked the two or three missions where you stay on the cameras and guide an accomplice from cover to cover, because at that point you're basically playing as the tutorial voice in somebody else's video game." Complete with a loudspeaker telling [[VideoGame/HalfLife Gordon Freeman]] "PRESS THE JUMP KEY. THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THAT, FUCKWIT?"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:[=E3=] 2014]]
* Yahtzee starts the video coming up with 3 E words [[note]]Excruciating, End, and Eggnog[[/note]] to properly introduce E3 2014, or its true name: "The [[SoOkayItsAverage Meh]] heard 'round the world". Complete with a pendulum log knocking the E3 sign down.
* Microsoft, and by extension, the Xbox One, listing all sorts of exclusive games to convince people to buy the system after last year's flop, which eventually veers down to a breakdown.
-->"Oh, what do you want?! Please don't hit me! I didn't even ''mention'' the Kinect!"
* Yahtzee pointing out that Capcom hands out exclusives "like a shilling whore," while [[FunnyBackgroundEvent in the background]] Capcom points out that it's ''five'' shillings for him personally.
* Sony's "intolerable air of smugness" is presented as the head of [[http://www.operatorchan.org/vg/src/139563191886.jpg this cat]] atop a PS4 while Yahtzee is [[ItMakesSenseInContext traumatized by a game suddenly sprouting out from under its skirt]].
* Regarding EA's release policies: "Pants down, fist up, '''POUND POUND POUND'''." Promptly followed by ''VideoGame/{{Battlefield}} Hardline'' approaching his freshly pained bum with a cactus.
* His comparison of Nintendo to a slightly senile grandfather, "still lost in his own little world - [[spoiler: gently masturbating]]."
* The dreariness of reporting the whole affair finally gets to him:
--> "..if you don’t mind, I think I’m just going to slide to the floor and hope to get smothered to death by the Roomba." *A Roomba wanders into view, followed by a quiet thud*
* The idea of a Co-op Assassin's Creed game, Yahtzee attempting to shoot four of the assassins at once, and one of the assassins facepalming when his teammates jumped a guard and mooned him.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Murdered: Soul Suspect]]
* Yahtzee caps off the review by making a joke about how the protagonist looks ridiculous wearing a fedora and a vest. That's not the joke though; the joke is that, [[TemptingFate as soon as Yahtzee made this joke]], [[HypocriticalHumor an imp holds up Yahtzee's well-known publicity photo]] '''[[BoomerangBigot in which he wears a fedora and a vest]]'''.
--> (Beat, as Yahtzee looks at the picture) "[[HypocrisyNod ...Well I never said I wasn't a hypocrite]]"
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Tomodachi Life]]
* Senor Koquonfaes makes his glorious return, becoming the most popular Mii in Yahtzee's created world. He even winds up marrying the secret agent from his novel ''Jam''.
--> I guess only she can be trusted to keep the terrible secret of what he has instead of a cock!
* In the credits sequence Senor Koquenfaes proposes to [[CrossesTheLineTwice Lady Hitler]] and they go to the bedrom where Lady Hitler... presents, herself to him and he has sex with her by mashing his face against her butt.
* Yahtzee quickly puts a stop to two males seducing an obese elderly woman.
--> I gave these characters enough shit in their respective works without letting some game turn them into granny-fiddlers too.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Enemy Front & Valiant Hearts]]
* "''Valiant Hearts'' is set in [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarI the first World War]]; rarely touched by pop-culture for lacking the clean "Us versus Bastards" fairy-tale narrative of [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarII its sequel]]. World War I was just Europe being such a [[{{Spoonerism}} flustercuck]] of grudges and alliances that when Serbia turned the little crank of Austria-Hungary, it set off the whole TabletopGame/MouseTrap machine of alliances and by the time the little plastic man jumped into the pool, everyone was fighting everyone else."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Earthbound]]
* "To my mind, a JRPG just isn't a JRPG unless it ends with a bunch of teenagers using ThePowerOfFriendship to [[DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu kill God]]. It's like if you don't have the 'stallion scene', you can't really call yourself 'barnyard porn'."
* Depicting the game's "cult appeal" by giving the box art [[BlackComedy the head of Jim Jones and a pitcher of Kool-Aid]].
* Describing Ness as "that one [[VideoGame/SuperSmashBros Smash Bros.]] character with the baseball cap and the ThousandYardStare like Wario's been [[BlackComedyRape molesting him in the Green Room]]."
* "So, an important artistic cult hit was marginalized and ignored because it didn't fit within the latest standards for graphics in [[AttentionDeficitOohShiny an industry obsessed with competitive technology]]? ''Christ'', [[SarcasmMode isn't it great that that kind of bollocks doesn't happen anymore?!]]" Complete with the PS4 and Xbox One [[ConsoleWars dog-fighting]] [[FunnyBackgroundEvent in the background]].
* "[The soundtrack] alternates between fun, jaunty melodies and weird electronic ambiance, like somebody left a Theremin in [[Film/SilenceOfTheLambs Buffalo Bill's]] house."
* "VROOM!" "WHINNY!" "[[UnsoundEffect ROCK!]]"
* Depicting Ness with [[Anime/GurrenLagann Kamina shades]] when describing how the game lets you automatically defeat enemies if your level is high enough.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Transistor]]
* "Didn't this game come out a while ago, Yahtzee?" "What the ''fuck'' are you doing in my house, viewer!?! ...Also; yes."
[[/folder]]

[[folder: E.T: The Extra-Terrestrial]]
* Yahtzee decided to create something of a mini-series since there was nothing left to review. It details the games industry making huge mistakes that it never learned from. He made an accompanying jingle to go with it:
--> ''Let's all laugh at an industry/that never learns anything, tee-hee-hee!''
** Also the title card: "Zero Punctuation's Occasional Guide to "'''Special'''"[[note]]originally "Retarded"[[/note]] Moments in Gaming History".
* "E.T. was just the little brown top-hat being worn by the all-singing, all-dancing shit-show that the market had become."
* Yahtzee comparing the launch of the Xbox One and the NES.
--> ''The difference is, after launch Nintendo threw the cover off and went “Fooled you, it is a games console!” Whereas Microsoft threw the cover off and went “Fooled you, it’s shit!”''
* [[TheStinger "I dread to think how bad the game adaptation of Mac & Me would have been (Googles hastily)"]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Firefall]]
* "This week, I've been playing ''Firefall'', a 'Free-to-Play Massively Multiplayer Shootah'. Now there's an evocative six-word phrase, possibly right up there with 'Before running screaming from the room'."
* The [[TheWorldIsAlwaysDoomed "Fuck the Earth" table]], which includes "Zombies" and "Zombies Again".
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Extra Punctuation]]
* From [[http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/columns/extra-punctuation/8910-Extra-Punctuation-New-Team-Fortress-2-Classes this]] ''Extra Punctuation'': "''VideoGame/{{Brink}}'', besides being what a racist caricature of an Oriental person [[JapaneseRanguage would say]] is their favourite ''Series/DoctorWho'' [[Recap/DoctorWhoS29E10Blink episode]], is also a disappointing game."
* "I can't speak for everyone, at least not until ''the device'' is completed, but..."
* The implications of ''Mortal Kombat Vs Literature/MrMen''.
* From "Why No Couples In Games":
-->"Vamp in ''Metal Gear Solid 2'' was implied to be banging Fortune, but only because Vamp was implied to be banging absolutely fucking everyone, including you as you read this. Try to hold still."
* The conclusion to thinking about why ''VideoGame/AnimalCrossing: New Leaf'' appeals to players:
--> So, from a design perspective, these are the important lessons to take from ''Animal Crossing: New Leaf'', besides of course "Don't play this fucking game, I'm serious, get away before it [[JustOneMoreLevel gets a hold on you]], RUN MAN RUN FOR YOUR LIFE"
* Yahtzee's history with adventure games:
--> As anyone who views my Wikipedia page will know, adventure games and I have a history. I was practically [[RaisedByWolves raised by them]], like {{Tarzan}} by the apes, and was only brought to civilization in my late teens to be taught how to stop [[KleptomaniacHero stealing random useless objects]] and communicating only with the phrase [[ICantUseTheseThingsTogether "That doesn't work."]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Other]]
* The episode descriptions can be this at times.
--> "This week on Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee compares Sim City to Nazi Germany."
* Arguably, Yahtzee's at his best when he can come up with a hypothetical scenario that [[LiteralMetaphor literalizes a sarcastic remark]], as in the above "My right hand on a Sunday night" and "last male panda."
--> "As the disbelieving friend said to the inventor of the feces-powered helicopter, "THIS SHIT WON'T FLY!". \\
\\
"As the operator of a coin-operated artillery cannon might sarcastically yell to a retreating army, you should never be afraid of change."
** ''VideoGame/FarCry3BloodDragon''[='=]s aesthetic: "The vibrant neon colours on a dark background are kind of like undergoing reconstructive dentistry, in that it can make things hard to make out (slightly tortured simile)."
* From an advert for the ''Literature/{{Mogworld}}'' audiobooks: "Now you can listen to me talk for thirteen hours without the expense of getting me coked up!"
* [[http://youtu.be/O75AJIryF4c The advert for the]] ''Literature/{{Jam}}'' audiobooks, originally used in the [=CoD: Ghosts=] review.
* Yahtzee's contribution to Escapist's campaign to get the site a Webby in 2014:
-->I think you know what you have to do now: [[BreathlessNonSequitur Annex the Sudetenland.]] Oh, sorry, [[ThatCameOutWrong I got that wrong.]] I meant: Vote for us! Then annex the Sudetenland.
[[/folder]]
----