* The entirety of Zack and Miri's [[BadBadActing scene]] together, but especially the extremely awkward "Let me see them tit-tays" and Zack's follow-up comment that his boobs are bigger than Miri's.
** Miri's objection to Zack's dirty talk -- specifically, the use of the word 'pecker'.
** "I'm gonna fuck you with my penis!"
* During the above scene: while Zack and Miri have sex, the others talk about Series/{{Lost}}.
-->'''Deacon:''' They're on the island, they're off the island, who can keep track of that shit?\\
'''Stacey:''' [[EpilepticTrees I think they're in Hell]].
* Zack's conversations with [[CampGay Brandon]] and Bobby at the high school reunion. Particularly Brandon talking about starring in movies with 'all male casts'.
-->'''Zack:''' Like ''Film/GlengarryGlenRoss''? Like that?
-->'''Brandon:''' More like ''Glen and Garry Suck Ross's Meaty Cock and Drop Their Hairy Nuts in His Eager Mouth''.
-->'''Zack:''' ''[long silence]'' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint ...is that like a sequel?]]
** And then Brandon makes a glorious scene trying to embarrass Bobby. Just, every scene with Brandon, really.
* The scene where Zack has to explain to Miri what a Fleshlight is. Leading to this:
-->'''Miri:''' "Real feel action?" Oh my god, if you start fucking machines, I'm moving out.
-->'''Zack:''' What do you think a vibrator is? It's a machine. How come you get to fuck something with a motor in it? I can't?
-->'''Miri:''' Cuz I've never met a man who can make me come like a vibrator does.
-->'''Zack:''' That's fucking bullshit. You get to be all [[Series/BuckRogersInTheTwentyFifthCentury Buck Rogers]] having sex in the 25th century with fucking Twiki and Dr. Theopolis, and I'm stuck to a bottle of Jergens in the bathroom?
-->'''Miri (repulsed):''' Holy bejesus, you do ''not'' use my Jergens to jack it in our bathroom!
-->'''Zack:''' [[SarcasmMode No, you know what I do, actually, is I light a bunch of candles, and I sprawl out on my sheets, and I listen to]] Music/{{Sting}}. No, I'm a guy. Give me two Popsicle sticks and a rubber band, I'll find a way to fuck it, like a ''filthy Series/{{MacGyver|1985}}!''
* "Her name Bubbles."
* This exchange:
-->'''Zack:''' Okay, you don't want to fuck a stranger in a porno movie, for some weird reason. I guess... ''we'' could fuck!
-->'''Miri:''' ''[{{Beat}}]'' Ew.
-->'''Zack (offended):''' Fuck you!
-->'''Miri:''' I mean, you're a nice enough looking guy and everything...
-->'''Zack (''still'' offended):''' Holy fuck, thank you. You're an all right enough looking girl, how does that feel?
* Zack and Miri brainstorming porn titles. Includes such gems as [[Film/ApocalypseNow A-Cock-In-Lips Now]] and [[Film/StarTrekIITheWrathOfKhan Star Sex 2: The Wrath Of Kunt.]] Later, when they decide to make a ''Star Wars'' parody saga, we get [[Film/ThePhantomMenace The Phantom Man-Ass]] and [[Film/ReturnOfTheJedi Return Of The Brown-Eye]].
** "And [[Film/RevengeOfTheSith Revenge Of The Shit]]! The all-anal final chapter!"
** "Han Solo never had no sex with Princess Leia in the Star War!"
* Zack has just stormed off the set:
-->'''Delaney''': Can you believe this shit?
-->'''Deacon''': Can you believe ''THIS'' [[NotHyperbole shit]]? [[ToiletHumor That chick frosted me like I was a fucking cake!]]
** And the CallBack later, after Deacon shows Zack the work he has done editing the film:
-->'''Zack''': Editor and DP, looks like you got your shit covered.
-->'''Deacon''': Please, do NOT say 'shit covered' to me again.
* A drunk Steelers fan shows up at the coffee shop... right in the middle of Stacey and Lester's scene. What follows is [[CringeComedy the most uncomfortable transaction and small talk ever.]]
** Bonus funny: Lester actually works the guy's drunken ramblings ''into his performance.''
* Zack's rationale for why a tape of them would sell.
** "Everybody wants to see EVERYBODY fuck! I can't stand Rosie O'Donnell, but if someone told me there was a tape of Rosie O'Donnell getting fucked STUPID, I'd be like 'Why aren't we watching this RIGHT NOW?!'"
* Zack when he gets the idea for "Swallow My Cockuccino".
-->'''Zack:''' We're gonna launch arching ropes of jizzm ALL OVER THIS MOTHERFUCKER! Peace!
* The LoveConfession near the end gets completely sidetracked by Lester explaining to Zack what the Dutch Rudder is. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGUuugNEUcU NSFW, but you should probably hear it for yourself.]]
** Made even funnier by Lester's, um, [[GagPenis nudity...]]
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