* When Kathleen's campaign makes Joe look bad on TV:
-->'''Joe (seeing himself on TV)''': [[SmugSnake Hey, there's the good-looking guy!]]
-->'''TV!Joe''': I sell cheap books. I do, so sue me.
-->'''*cut to reporter*''': And that, in a nutshell, is the Fox Books philosophy.
-->'''Joe''': Hey!
-->'''Kevin''': You said that?
-->'''Joe''': Yeah, but...that's not all I said! I said - aww, I can't believe those bastards! I said we were great. I said you could sit and read for hours and no one will bother you. I said we have a hundred and fifty thousand titles. I showed them the New York section. I said we were a goddamn piazza! A place in the city where people can mingle and mix and be!
-->'''Kevin''': ...Piazza?
-->'''Joe''': I WAS ELOQUENT! [[DumbIsGood SHIT]]!
** Following that, Kathleen making a statement on television that [[JawDrop stuns Joe in his tracks]]. ''On a treadmill''!
* Joe's conversation with his [[MillionairePlayboy father]] Nelson (who has just been kicked out by his latest girlfriend and is living on his yacht).
-->'''Nelson''': You know, I stayed on this boat after... let's see, your mother... Laurette, the ballet dancer...
-->'''Joe''': My nanny.
-->'''Nelson''': She was the nanny?
-->'''Joe''': Yeah.
-->'''Nelson''': (laughs) I forgot that. How ironic. Then there was the ice skater...
-->'''Joe''': ''Also'' my nanny.
-->'''Nelson''': Really?
-->'''Joe''': (rolls eyes) Yeah!
-->'''Nelson''': That's ''amazingly'' ironic. And then there was Sybil, the... um... it's an "A" word...
-->'''Joe''': Astrologer.
-->'''Nelson''': Exactly. Yeah
-->'''Joe''': Whose moon turned out to be in someone else's house, as I recall.
-->'''Nelson''': Just like Gillian.
-->'''Joe''': Gillian ran off with someone?
-->'''Nelson''': The nanny!
* After Kathleen talking to Christina (her shop clerk) about her online relationship with Joe.
-->'''Christina''': ''(under her breath)'' Have you had sex?
-->'''Kathleen''': No, of course not! I don't even know him.
-->'''Christina''': No; I mean ''cyber'' sex.
-->'''Kathleen''': No.
-->'''Christina''': Well, you know what? Don't do it, 'cause the minute you do, they lose all respect for you.
-->''(A moment later)''
-->'''[[CoolOldLady Birdie]]''': ''(enters the store)'' What are you girls talking about?
-->'''Christina''': ''(in a "naughty" voice)'' Cybersex.
-->'''Birdie''': I tried to have cybersex once, but I kept getting a busy signal!
-->'''Christina''': ''(sympathetic)'' I know! I was really depressed one Saturday, and I-
-->'''Birdie''': ''(walks off, talking loudly over Christina)'' [[TooMuchInformation Time to open up!]]
* Kathleen and Joe clashing at a party, over the buffet.
-->''(Joe is spooning some caviar from the edge of a tray onto his plate.)''
-->'''Kathleen''': What is that? ''What is that?'' What are you doing? You're taking all the caviar? That caviar is a '''''garnish!'''''
-->'''Joe''': (very deliberately scoops '''all''' of the remaining caviar onto his plate)
** As their conversation continues, Kathleen begins to scoop caviar ''off'' his plate and back on the serving dish.
* Joe explaining how ''Film/TheGodfather'' is the source of all wisdom.
* Kathleen is stood up on the same day a SerialKiller is arrested, making her employers think that the killer was her date. They also mention a NoodleIncident where Kathleen thought Frank was the Unabomber.