''And right this way, please.''

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder: 1995- 2003 ]]

* Sometimes, if you pick the wrong answer:
-->Here's a little spending money! ''(Ching)''
-->Special Delivery! Have some bad news for you!
-->You're wrong, and stay out of my purse!
-->All positions are filled, but thank you for applying!
-->U-G-L-Y! You ain't got no alibi! You ugly!
-->'''Whiny voice:''' Hey mom, can I have some money for lunch? [[note]]Made even funnier considering that the question values range from $1,000-$3,000 in Round 1 and from $2,000-$6,000 in Round 2.[[/note]]
-->'''Tour Guide:''' And if you look to your left; you'll find the popular wrong answer! ''(Crowd reacts in awe)''
-->'''Host:''' And we have some lovely parting gifts for you backstage!
* The commercial for Brannigar and The Hawk, a buddy cop movie starring a loose cannon cop portrayed by Sylvester Stallone and his equally loose cannon partner portrayed by Stephen Hawking.
* The opening sequences for Volume 2 are pretty damn funny. For example, if you opt for a single player game:
-->'''Cookie:''' Oh, so you're [[ADateWithRosiePalms playing with yourself?]]
-->'''Offscreen Voice:''' Cookie, please.
** Raul does the same thing in ''Movies''.
--->'''Raul:''' Oh, so you're playing with yourself. Hey, no jokes from me. So why don't you go ahead and type in your name, Lefty?
** The computerized sign-in voice of ''Mock 2'' also pulls this one off, but with a completely straight face. Something you'd expect for a computer voice.
--->'''Voice:''' One person playing with himself. Fine.
* All of the Impossible Questions in Volume 3 live up to their name, with the exception of one- its category is "It's a Dog!" and the question effectively amounts to "What has four legs and barks?" Guess what the answer is. [[spoiler:Yep, a dog.]]
* The "Language" floor in ''The Ride'' is sponsored by Ye Olde Booze Shoppe, which leaves some samples behind. Over the course of the game Cookie gets drunker, and drunker, until the 12th question: [[spoiler:"Which of these slang terms for "regurgitation" is NOT a good example of "onomatopoeia?" The four available choices are "barf" "hurl" "ralph" and "upchuck", but while you have to do one, Cookie does all of the above... [[CantHoldHisLiquor literally, yes.]]]]
** And when you get it right:
-->[[spoiler: '''Cookie:''' Urgh...yeah. Upchuck is...that's not the sound that makes.]]
* The second episode, regardless of the theme you've picked, has [[spoiler: Cookie crashing the game]] from Buzz, the intended host and [[spoiler: dropping him down a trap door]] only to get chewed out by Helen for doing so.
** At one point, Buzz finally gets back to the "surface", wearing out revenge on Cookie... Until [[spoiler:Guy Towers comes into the booth and serves the said revenge on both of 'em, by sending them to The Bottom.]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Buzz:''' ''(panting heavily)'' Thought you'd seen the last of me, huh? Well, you can't get rid of me that--''(trapdoor opening)''--AAAAAAAAAAH!]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Guy:''' Nice one.]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Cookie:''' Thanks--Guy? How did you get up here?]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Guy:''' I came up from the Hollywood floor. I was cheesing around looking for Keanu Reeves.]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Cookie:''' Oh, did I say he was there? I was--]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Guy:''' Hey, it's fine. Heh. Look at Buzz go.]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Cookie:''' Yeah.]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Guy:''' No, no--you have to look real close.]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Cookie:''' Uh, I don't think--]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Guy:''' It's okay, I'll hold on to your belt.]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Cookie:''' I'm...not wearing a belt--''(thump)''--AAAAAAAAAAH!]]
* The ParodyCommercial for "Sunshine Suppositories" from ''The Ride''. Starting with a man named Johnson getting chewed out by a boss, things quickly get derailed when the boss says, "I'm not here to blow sunshine up your ass!" followed by a cheery, "But I am!" MickeyMousing to indicate an AssShove or two later, and, well, smiles all around. And then, the tagline: "Spread your cheeks for a little sunshine today!"
* In ''Movies'', if your final score is crap:
-->'''Cookie:''' Player, your performance is like starring in a really bad movie: You get to be the star and all, but nobody gives a s**t.
* A question from Volume 2 asks for the correct pronunciation of the singer of "Smooth Operator." It's shar-day (close enough). The next question (all category choices lead to the same one) is about the Marquis de Sade, leading to the host's comment, "He was probably ticked about being called the Marquis de [[BrickJoke Shar-day]]."
* The hosts will most certainly let you hear it if you don't buzz in during a single-player Jack Attack:
** ''TV'' (the game, not the show): "'Oh, I don't want hit the buttons by myself, what if I get one wrong?!' YOU LOSER!"
** ''Movies'': "You lame-ass, who did you think was going to see it, you're playing by yourself!"
** ''3'': "Your momma's not here to push the buttons for you, you lame-ass!"
** ''The Ride'', considering you're playing alone and have finished the game with a positive score:
----> '''Cookie:''' What the hell?! Did you go to the BATHROOM? It's supposed to be INTERACTIVE, remember?!
----> '''Guy''': Hey, what the hell happened?! You fall asleep? Look, no God is no glory, my friend.
----> '''Schmitty:''' Hey, what the hell's going on? Did you blackout on me? Or did you start to have a conversation with your imaginary friends?
----> '''Nate:''' Hey, you're supposed to have your finger on your buzzer, not up your butt! No gods - no bucks!
** ''5th Dementia'': "Oh come on, you wuss, you're playing by yourself! What, do you think I'm gonna tell everyone how much you suck?!"
* The following messages have been brought to you by The United States Department for Condesending Paternalism:
** "Antifreeze. Don't drink it." "Why?" "'Cause it'll kill you." "Oh."
** "Ice. Watch out." "Why?" "Slippery." "Oh."
** "Liquor. Don't drink that." "Why?" "Mine." "Oh."
** "Loose women. Don't date them." "Why?" "They're not the marrying kind." "Oh."
* Typing "fuck you" into the Gibberish Question round always yields funny results, but by far the funniest is the beat followed by the bizarrely high-pitched '''''"W-WHAT?!"''''' that Cookie lets out [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiqskP1nLpQ upon the player doing this in ''Movies'']].
** The Old Man's response to seeing the player's answer? "[[DisproportionateRetribution Call the air force!]]"
** Sometimes on Vol. 1:
--> '''Nate:''' Are you talking to me? On my show? I don't think so! Why don't you take a good look at your score, huh? "Fuck me"? No, [[PrecisionFStrike fuck you!]] ''(takes off $50,000)'' No, no, no, no, no. ''(snickers)'' I didn't say "fuck you". I said, "[[PunctuatedForEmphasis FUCK! YOU!]]" ''(takes off an additional $100,000)''

[[/folder]]

[[folder: ''2011'' ]]

* The sponsors for the Wrong Answer of the Game, including:
-->Rug Munchers Edible Flooring! We put a whole new spin on the 5 second rule.
-->BloodCo! We have blood! Why do you need to know where it came from?
* All of Cookie's dreams from Nocturnal Admissions.
* One of the questions asks, "Which of the following is not a Crayola crayon color eating another crayon color?" Among the choices is "a beaver eating macaroni and cheese." Picking it will cause Cookie to thank you for giving him an excuse to talk about the image of a beaver eating macaroni and cheese. After the question is over, no matter how you answered, Cookie will continue talking about that choice.
* On Episode 25, Cookie had planned a party and sent invites to the staff prior to the show. However, throughout the episode the staff each made several excuses on why they couldn't attend ranging from a colonoscopy to a two-for-one deal lobodomies, finally boiling down in question 10 when Cookie realizes ''the entire staff'' are "sick". He then makes the question based around which of the four lies he heard makes any medical sense [[spoiler: with Cookie not only peppering in more insults toward who made the excuses in the first place in addition to pointing out why they're wrong, but calling everyone out even on the right answer.]]
-->'''Cookie:''' [[spoiler: An otolaryngologist is an ear, nose and throat doctor. ''All the rest of you are'' '''f**king bad liars.''']]
* In Episode 47, the staff go on a picnic before finishing all the questions. The first six questions are normal, but they become more mangled as the remaining people rush to complete questions for the episode. It starts with a question with two of the same answer, to [[DelusionsOfEloquence Donny]] writing a question, to Kim correcting her question at the last second by pointing out that the tryptophan in turkey isn't enough to actually make Sleepy more sleepy, to Cookie making up a question off of a Snapple cap, and finally culminates in a Jack Attack round where all you have to do for a match is pick whatever the phrase tells you to pick, all while Cookie frantically tries to get the game shut down.
** In Donny's question there's not only Cookie's reactions to it, but also the responses you get when you answer wrong.
-->'''Cookie:''' "Oh please, don't be so [[RougeAnglesOfSatin knave]]." Yeah. Right. Right Donny! We wouldn't want anyone to be ''knave'', would we?!
* Any time the yodeling number 2 slips and falls in the question 2 segue (albiet in certain number episodes).
* Question 8 of episode 5 from JACK PACK 1 in ''2011'' opens with Cookie dedicating the question to his old high school chemistry teacher. Then starts the question off with "Suppose a chemistry teacher died a painful and horrible death and went to Hell..."
* The {{Couch Gag}}s from the two episodes of the demo are hilarious.
** Snow Globe Surplus Store:
--> '''Cookie:''' So you want to play a free game huh? CUE THE [[LowerClassLout TIGHTWAD EPISODE]]!
** Bowl-Bee Bowl:
--> '''Cookie:''' Another free game? [[TakeThat Why don't you get a job]]?
* Also from a demo episode (Snow Globe Surplus Store), one of the questions is which LooneyTunes character could not pose for the Chinese zodiac. [[spoiler: The answer is Daffy Duck]]. Cookie's response after that...
--> '''Cookie:''' [[spoiler: Nope, no duck on the Chinese calender, just on a Chinese menu! (quack)]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder: The TV Show ]]

* Once an episode, there was a "2,000,000 question", which would start at two million dollars and slowly decrease until someone answered it. What would happen next is [[RunningGag something would happen to constantly distract the host until most of the value of the question had been lost]], usually only being a couple hundred dollars. Examples of what happened include:
** Reubens sneezing and sending the card flying across the stage, and he constantly grasped at the card only for it to keep flopping around.
** Reubens being interrupted by his dog coming in and trying to take the card away.
** Answering a cell phone call
** His hand getting caught in the conveyor belt.
** Getting attacked by ninjas.
----