* After his Muslim family decides to seek refuge in Israel, Saladin Kader tells his father that he's going to join a youth-based terrorist group in the name of his faith. The father - normally quiet and docile - suddenly erupts with anger, beating Saladin viciously for even considering such a thought.
--> ''Some martyr I turned out to be. I cried all the way to Cairo.''
* After one of Raj-Sing's monkey subordinates witnesses his HeroicSacrifice and celebrates that the Himalayan safe zone was genuinely safe: "But instead his little penis popped out and he peed in my face." Indian monkeys know when to ruin a moment.
* The story of ridiculously cheery T. Sean Collins, recounting his time as a mercenary guarding a bunch of celebrities making a reality show in a fortified mansion. There's not much to dislike with this one:
** [[NoCelebritiesWereHarmed The descriptions of the celebrities in question]] (most notably [[Creator/ParisHilton "that little rich, spoiled, tired-looking whore who was just famous for being a rich, spoiled, tired-looking whore"]]).
** Then there's the show itself, consisting of the celebs reacting to footage being aired by the news. One guy on the TV [[BatterUp straps a meat cleaver to a hockey stick]] and roller-blades down the street looking for zombies to kill, only for one to come out of a sewer drain and [[TooDumbToLive drag him in by his ponytail.]]
---> ''I remember thinking I had less respect for the ones who tried to fake some tears than I did for [[Creator/ParisHilton the little spoiled whore]] who called the rollerblading guy a "dumbass." [[JerkassHasAPoint Hey, at least she was being honest.]]''
** Finally, the climax where, instead of zombies, the place is overrun by [[spoiler: normal humans looking for refuge.]]
---> ''I met the whore's rat dog as we were both heading for the back door. He looked at me, I looked at him. If it'd been a conversation, it probably woulda gone like, "What about your master?" "What about yours?" "Fuck 'em."''
* After being stuck in space, alone, for 5 years without resupply, a rocket (specifically, Virgin Galactic, the private rocket group) finally is launched to the ISS. The first thing the rocket's cheerful, cowboy hat-wearing Texan captain says is "Did anyone order takeout?"
* A former White House chief of staff who ignored the various warnings that the zombie apocalypse was impending has a new job after the war is over... shoveling manure.
* The Zombie's tendency to click their teeth repeatably.
** This is apparently a widespread reaction. There are quite a few reports of audiences bursting into laughter when the zombies do that repeated chompy-chompy bitey-bitey at nothing motion.
** Not to mention the hospital zombies' tendency to hunch over and make strange noises that make them look for all the world like chickens.
* "Looks like we just woke the dead. Out of respect to others, please turn off all pagers and cell phones."
* A BlackComedy one, when Gerry asked where the documents are, the soldiers replied "you're free to look". (They were burned along with the zombies.)
* ''Definitely'' BlackComedy, but Dr. Fassbach slipping on the airplane's slick ramp and [[spoiler: shooting himself in the head]].
* The Captain coming into combat with Zeke driving the fuel tank and flattening everything that stands in his way with a delighted "Woohoo!"
-->''I'm gonna clear a path through Zeke! You paddle like hell!"
* Well Gerry, you just [[spoiler: became invisible to zombies]]. Whatcha gonna do? [[spoiler: [[ProductPlacement Drink a Pepsi!]] ]]
** Although completely understandable considering he's been without food for awhile, been under extreme duress and endless escapes, and just [[spoiler: infected himself with a disease]]. Given that he finally has a chance to catch his breath, and is near a distraction he'll need anyway, it's funny in its humanness that he opts to drink one before carrying on.
** Hey, it's probably going to be a while before anyone gets back to making soft drinks, so why not?
** The zombies running past him, even ''pushing'' him aside to get at the noise. It even comes off as a perverse Pepsi commercial: "Zombies can't resist the great taste of Pepsi!"
* The moment when [[TheLittlestCancerPatient The Littlest AIDS Patient]] is dodged by zombies has a dark kind of humour, as he watches the zombies swarm for him, then break aside. It's like the movie's saying, "What's more evil than zombies? AIDS!"
* Mexican audiences loved the "Mexico City has been declared a total loss" bit near the end of the film. It's like a "P.S., Just in case you were wondering."