* "maura [fucking witch ass bitch mussolini al-qaeda darth vader non-entity]" -- Will Grayson #2 after what she did.
* The following exchange:
-->'''Tiny:''' His text messages are like poetry!
-->'''Will #1:''' So "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" becomes "u r hawt like august".
* "Have you ever seen a really sexy baby?"
* "Just so you know: e. e. cummings cheated on both of his wives. With prostitutes."
* This piece of dialogue:
-->me : dicks before math
-->gideon : that makes no sense.
-->me : exactly.
* Will #2: "he's what would happen after nine months if abercrombie fucked fitch."
* Will #2 again: "Or <3. You think this looks like a heart? That's because you've never seen a scrotum."