* HypocriticalHumor from Rorschach.
--> '''[[SociopathicHero Rorschach:]]''' Why are so few of us left active, healthy, and without personality disorders?
* "The End Is Nigh" Guy [[spoiler: (Rorschach's civilian identity)]] asking the newsseller that he won't forget his copy of the New Frontiersman. Newsseller assures him he won't, and he walks away. Newsseller takes a drink, and guy reappears [[FailedASpotCheck behind the seller]], taps him on the shoulder, wanting a promise out of the seller. Cue SpitTake.
** To clarify, the guy (one of those "end-of-the-world" sandwichboard guys) was explaining how the world was doomed and going to end today. He then made the newsseller promise not to forget to bring him ''tomorrow's'' copy of the magazine!
*** That night is when Dr. Manhattan abandons Earth, robbing the US of its best deterrent against a Soviet nuclear strike. So when the street prophet shows up the next day:
---->'''Vendor:''' I see the world didn't end yesterday.\\
'''Prophet:''' Are you sure?
* Also in chapter 3, when we see Daniel getting new locks installed because Rorschach broke them during his previous visit. The guy installing the locks laughs as Daniel explains about how they were broken by his 'friend'. The real kick is when Rorschach visits again at the end of the chapter, saying "By the way, you need a stronger lock. That new one broke after one shove." To make the situation funnier yet, Rorschach then manages to express his ''approval'' of Dan's efforts to keep him out in a ''reproach'': "Not good enough! Get more expensive one. Can't be too careful these days."
** Later, when the two are on the run from the police together, the first thing the police do... [[RunningGag is smash right through that more expensive new lock]].
** It gets funnier still when you realize the lock company is called "[[CuttingTheKnot Gordian Knot]]" ...there is some very clever writing going on, yes indeed.
* There's something for everyone in chapter 7, which is about Dan and Laurie. There's the first page, where Laurie is in the owlship, and, looking for a dash lighter, she presses the button that turns on the owlship's flamethrower. Then there's [[spoiler:both sex scenes, particularly the SoundtrackDissonance in the first and the SomethingElseAlsoRises in the second.]] Finally, there's the scene where Nite Owl and Silk Spectre rescue the citizens from the burning building, which contains these two gems:
-->'''Little Boy:''' Mom? That guy in the Space Rocket, is that Jesus?
-->'''Man:''' Are you with the fire department?
-->'''Silk Spectre:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Listen, I'm Smokey The Bear's secret mistress]]. Now will you please just ''move'' or throw yourself over the side or something?
** Another example from this chapter, after Laurie has accidentally set off the flamethrower, Dan is going through the ship's systems.
--->'''Dan''': ...public address system and screechers functioning, air-to-air missiles functioning, fog-screens funct...
--->'''Laurie''': Air-to-Air missiles?
--->'''Dan''': Sure. Button there. Next to the '''flame thrower'''.
--->'''Laurie''': That's it! That does it! No more smoking.
* The mention of Rorschach dropping someone down an elevator shaft.
-->'''Laurie''': (laughing) That is ''not'' funny!
-->'''Dan''': (also laughing) It's a little funny.
* From the start of Chapter 9:
-->'''Laurie:''' Oh shit. I'm on Mars.
* This line can slip by you, as it's part of a long dialogue, but it's a good laugh.
-->'''Moloch:''' Can I get out of the fridge now?
* On that vein, Moloch is first ambushed by Rorscach who was hiding inside of his fridge. The next time Moloch opens his fridge, he does so nervously, holding a gun, only to find a single note.
--> '''Rorschach's Note''': BEHIND YOU.
** Right after this when Moloch turns around and aims his huge revolver at Rorschach, he pauses. He looks at Rorschach for a moment, than at his gun, than drops his gun and starts begging Rorschach not to kill him. Rorschach just kept a guy from shooting him by ''staring at him''.
* Doctor Manhattan forgetting the small matter of ''oxygen'' when he teleports Laurie to Mars.
--> '''Doctor Manhattan''': Laurie? What is...? Oh. Of course. Please forgive me. Sometimes these things slip my mind.
--> *Doctor Manhattan creates an air-pocket*
--> '''Laurie''': *gasping* Oh Jesus! Jesus! Jon, you stupid bastard!
* The brief scene in chapter 10 in which Daniel is trying to hack into [[spoiler: Veidt's]] compluter while Rorschach rambles on and on in the background:
--> '''Rorschach:''' Huhn. Moloch better suspect than previously apparent. Pity deceased... unless plot from beyond grave, pre-arranged...? No, too fantastic. Egyptian decor coloring logic...
* A unintentional example in Chapter one, Rorschach interrogates Doctor Manhattan and Silk Specter in the Rockefeller Research Lab. When the Doc is walking by, the panel layout makes it look like Rors [[HoYay was checking out Doc's ass with a "Hurrm".]]
* This bit during Ozymandia's Nova Express interview:
-->'''Ozymandias''': To answer your question, you get to be a superhero by [[CharlesAtlasSuperpower believing in the hero within you and summoning him or her forth by an act of will]]. Believing in yourself and your own potential is the first step to realizing that potential. Alternately, you could do as [[PhysicalGod Jon]] did: [[ILoveNuclearPower Fall into a nuclear reactor and hope for the best]]. [[DeadpanSnarker On the whole I think I prefer to stick to my own methods]].
* Ozymandias referring to the snow outside his Antarctic fortress to Doug Roth: "Not the kind of snow (cocaine) you're used to in California, Mr. Roth."
* Though likely unintentional, it's still pretty funny when Rorschach just randomly suspects that Ozymandias is gay in the middle of their conversation and decides to investigate it later. Made even funnier in the movie, where Nite Owl passes over a file on Ozymandias's computer that's labeled "BOYS", implying that Rorschach was ''right''.
* Laurie has revealed her relationship with Dan to Manhattan:
--> '''Laurie:''' He predicted I'd tell him about you and me, then seemed angry when I did!
--> '''Dan:''' [[OhCrap Uh...]]''[[PhysicalGod how]]'' [[PersonOfMassDestruction angry?]]
* The fact that Alan Moore ''loved'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDDHHrt6l4w Saturday Morning Watchmen.]]
* The film actually manages to make the second sex scene more ridiculous. The music is Hallelujah by LeonardCohen, and the sequence follows thus:
-->'''Song:''' And even though it all went wrong, I'll stand before the lord of song, with nothing in my heart but Hallelujah.
-->'''Laurie:''' *Orgasms and hits the flamethrower button*
* Also, Rorschach snapping off tall, short, and fat jokes to the prisoners as they stand outside his cell, his deadpan expression never cracking once.
* "Excuse me. Have to visit Men's Room." "Oh for Christ's sake!" What's going on in there is probably horrifying, but Laurie and Dan's reactions are priceless.
** It's even funnier in the book where Silk Spectre and Nite Owl manage to have ''a full argument'' in the amount of time Rorschach is inside dealing with Big Figure. Where Nite Owl mentions he once let a criminal escape because he ''had to pee'' during a stakeout, prompting him to redesign his costume.
* The look Laurie and Dan exchange after being "trapped" in the alley by the street gang.
* Dollar Bill's death in the intro is pretty funny in a weird way, as he died ''when his gigantic, red cape got stuck in a revolving door.'' It must have been pretty humiliating.