* Pedro and the Man meet for the first time when Chong hitchhikes with fake breasts.
-->Man: I Slept in a ditch last night and almost froze my balls off.
-->Pedro: I didn't even think you ''had'' any!

* Pedro, trying to find a joint to share with Chong:
--> Pedro: No, that's my dick...[finds it] Here it is.
--> Chong: I hope your dick's bigger than this, man.

* "Am I driving OK?" [They're parked.]

* "Hey don't take those, man."
--> "You just ate the most acid I ever seen anyone eat in my life."

* Cheech, talking to the cop while stoned.
--> "My license? It's on the bumper."
--> "Here's your momma!"
--> "His name is ''RAAAAAALPH'', man."

* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUmVd4RQZCo Chong spills Ajax on a plate. A woman sees it and thinks that it's cocaine...]]

* The marijuana van is overheating. A cop pulls Pedro and Chong over and gets high off the fumes.
--> Cop: "What do you guys want?"
--> Cop: "[[RealisticDictionIsUnrealistic Do you mind if I have a, bite of your, ah, hot dog?]]"
--> Chong: "What was he ''on'', man?
--> Cheech: "I don't know but I wish we had some of it!"

* Chong on the police dispatch with Sgt. Stadenko: "Was that Lard Ass?" "[[BerserkButton HARD HAT, HARD HAT!!!]]"
** In a deleted scene: "The van was last seen headed to your momma's bedroom."
** The end to that bit:
--> "Radio dispatch! Do you know who this is?"
--> "No, who is this is?"
--> "This is Sargent Stadenko!"
--> "Oh, yeah? You know who this is?"
--> "...No...!"
--> "Bye-bye, lardass!"

* "Fuck me, Alex!"
** "I didn't know your name was Alex, man!"

* The ''entire'' [[Music/AliceCooper Alice]] [[DavidBowie Bowie]] performance.

* "You mean we're smoking dogshit, man?"

* In the courtroom when Pedro takes the judge's glass of water to give Man a drink.
-->'''Man''': "That's fucking vodka man!"