* "I wouldn't put it past Grandfather/Kinzo."
** Battler: "Looks delicious. Slice up your cowtits and make me a sandwich." Cue him slamming Beato's face into the table.
** Also from EP 2, Kanon pretending to be Jessica's boyfriend leads to her friends all chattering and gossiping behind her back (well within earshot) which then leads to a rather hilarious beatdown from Jessica. And the Tsurupettan song.
** Battler tells Maria to wait 10 years to ask him to eat her, and she agrees without any hesitation. Doubles as a FunnyAneurysmMoment: [[spoiler: Battler doesn't realize how seriously the girls he flirts with will hold him to his promises.]]
--> '''Rudolf:''' "Oh yeah. It's like 'sucker merry barrels'. What do you get when you take out the e's and r's?"
** The scene in the anime's episode 14 when [[ServileSnarker Ronove]] reacts to Beato getting annoyed and almost making a bad move by slapping his hand over her mouth and saying, "Excuse me, we need to discuss our strategy." The look on her face is absolutely ''priceless'', especially since she keeps trying to talk. Despite the fact that he's still covering her mouth with his hand.
** This exchange:
--> '''Beatrice:''' *laughs evilly*
--> '''Ronove:''' Milady, your laugh lacks elegance.
--> '''Beatrice:''' Oh, sorry about that. *laughs a bit more refined*
** Anime episode 15, when Beatrice asks Battler for a new name, and he says something like "Beato is enough for you". Beatrice just kind of stands with a disappointed face, while Ronove - barely - ''suppresses a laugh''.
** Later in the same episode, she gives her servants a speech. Even taking after what just have happened into account, and what it is they are talking about, it's still funny to see usually pompous Beato stumble with words like a scolded schoolgirl.
** Before the start of the game, Ronove tells Beatrice that Battler has been suffering from a nasty HeroicBSOD as a result of [[spoiler:her crushing deception throughout [=EP3=]]] and, after [[ServileSnarker spectacularly rubbing it in her face]], suggests she "cheer him up" by "shining with a brightness stronger than the dark." And so she appears before Battler in a hilariously huge entrance, tossing confetti everywhere and acting like a typical GenkiGirl...only to find him energetically wrestling with Beelzebub for his breakfast. It has to be seen to understand the sheer hilarity of it.
*** To be exact, he told her that Battler was curled up in the corner, muttering to himself. And that he tried to offer Battler food, but Battler wouldn't eat. [[spoiler:He just described Battler sleeping and made it sound like he'd gone past the DespairEventHorizon.]]
** Battler mishearing "Gretel" as "Ghetto".
** Virgilia's general dislike for Gaap is prevalent in this episode, especially towards how she shortens her name to "Lia." She even tries to shorten Gaap's name in retaliation, only to fail miserably and resort to taking out an "a," calling her "Gap." Thus, when Gaap does anything that touches a nerve, Virgilia throws a cute little hissy fit while [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLqKklIYoac&feature=channel_video_title rapidly muttering "Gapgapgap."]]
** The ''entire'' fight between [[spoiler:Krauss and Goat-kun]], as detailed in ClicheStorm ([=YMMV=] page). It must be seen to be believed.
*** Needless to say, [[CompressedAdaptation it's nowhere to be seen in the anime.]]
*** And to make the scene even funnier, the [=PS3=] version added a counter on the top right of the screen for each Death Flag triggered. Needless to say that at the end the number was pretty big. And throughout the whole scene Virgilia was wondering where that beeping sound was coming from every time a flag was triggered.
** Piece Beatrice making a Manga/SailorMoon reference. Even more amusing than the fact thar Sailor Moon was released in 1991 is that the Beatrice in question is an illusion created by '''Natsuhi'''. The mental image of Natsuhi watching Sailor Moon is amusing. It also counts as an ActorAllusion as Natsuhi's voice actress is EmiShinohara, the original voice actress for Sailor Jupiter.
** Erika in the [[spoiler:Hidden Tea Party when trying to deny Battler's theory]]: "TAKE THAT, DEAD PEOPLE!!"
*** Battler: [[spoiler: "I won't let you bitches hijack our game!"]]
* In between [=EP 5=] and [=EP6=], we got a hilarious story: [[http://umineko.wikia.com/wiki/TIPS/Game_master_Battler%27s_tip Game Master Battler!]] Battler becomes DrunkWithPower over his new-found god-like powers. HilarityEnsues. It wouldn't be half as funny if Umineko wasn't so [[PostModernism Post Modernist]]! In any other series people asking the author to change stuff in the story would be entirely non-canon. In Umineko, it's a WhatIf. [[http://mangafox.me/manga/umineko_no_naku_koro_ni_tsubasa/v01/c002/1.html In fact, this story was so good it was adapted to manga]].
** One thing about this story in particular that could be funny to those who have already watched the ending of the series: [[spoiler:When Battler is overwhelmed by the requests of [[LoadsAndLoadsOfCharacters all the characters]], he asks Virgilia and Ronove '''''if he can make the story end as an AllJustADream''''']]. Virgilia and Ronove [[DeathGlare are]] ''[[DeathGlare not]]'' [[DeathGlare amused]].
** Maria and Erika have a WizardDuel [[spoiler:[[MundaneMadeAwesome over candy]]]]. It was even [[LampshadeHanging lampshaded]].
--> '''Cornelia:''' Let it be known that this fight has no point...
*** In the middle of that battle, after Erika performs a "magic trick" to Maria, Maria asks if that means Erika can also use magic. [[http://1-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/jp/image/1334/17/1334170454149.jpg Erika tells her what it REALLY means.]]
** After Kinzo explains how he met Beatrice [[spoiler:Castiglioni]] for the first time, there's this gem with Lion and Will:
--> '''Lion:''' So, by meeting Beatrice, you managed to regain your sense of self.
--> '''Will:''' Or, as most people would put it, he cheated on his wife.
--> *cue butt pinch on Will, who hops around in agony*
--> "Master. Your dignity."
** Also in the same [=EP=]:
--> "......Yes, thank you. ......See you around. ......[[ItMakesSenseInContext Meow]]."
** And the preceding scene, just for the sheer WTF-ness of seeing Trollkastel struggle with a telephone.
--> "Telephone! Where is the phone book? Ah, here! Ugh, why is there nothing written in it?…… Ah, I forgot, I don't have any friends…… I'm not used to this, how should I speak first? Is just "hello" okay?"
** Krauss pulling a very cheap LookBehindYou on Erika is particularly hilarious due to the contrast between Erika's intelligence and the trick's simplicity:
--> "And yet, at least I remember to tie my shoes."
** When Ange voices her displeasure for [[MySisterIsOffLimits Beatrice's relationship with Battler]], Beatrice happily threatens to torment her until she dies while showing off Battler flirting with her. How does Ange responds? [[spoiler:She starts flicking Beatrice in and out of existence with her resurrection powers]], until Beatrice cries to Battler that "Ange's being mean!", shifting from the sadistic witch she usually is to a child complaining to a parent about getting bullied.
** The Magic Ending in the manga has this scene: Ange visits the graves of her family, and what does she put on [[spoiler: Battler's]] grave at their request? [[spoiler: A package of two puddings shaped like boobs. It then leads to Beatrice freaking out as Battler fondles them, while Jessica and George call him a deviant. Maria, on the other hand, gladly proclaims Battler can fondle her boobs when she gets them, leading to Chiester 00 and Sakutarou basically screaming "MARIA NOOOO!!" It then leads to a two page spread of the whole family finding the scene amusing, except for Rosa, whose flustered facial expression can only be described as saying "N-now Maria...," and Natsuhi, who's got a headache.]]
* Battler's image song "OPPAI in LOVE!"...just that song in general. Made even better when you learn that Oppai means boob in Japanese.
* [[http://images.wikia.com/umineko/images/a/ae/END_STORY_34.jpg Erika and Dlanor's ending]] in ''Ougon Musou Kyoku CROSS'': IdolSinger '''Natsuhi''', complete with GratuitousEnglish.
---> '''Natsuhi:''' [[GratuitousEnglish "C'mon baby, c'mon baby! Yeah~!"]]
* Ronove and Battler's ending: when Battler is expressing his preoccupation with oppai, Ronove opens his shirt to flash him, [[http://images.wikia.com/umineko/images/5/50/BattlerRonoveEnding.JPG intensely freaking Battler out]]. His offscreen hand is probably grabbing for the BrainBleach.
* Battler's Sommelier Finger attack in ''Ougon Musou Kyoku'', and its powered-up version, Rapturous Sommelier Finger. The attack consists of Battler launching himself at his opponent with his hands open, with the powered-up version even throwing in an additional groping attack if it connects. Battler is his usual lecherous self if the opponent is female, but [[WhatTheHellPlayer he cries out in horror and protest if the opponent is male.]]