[[caption-width-right:250:"Look! I'm Woody! Howdy howdy howdy!"]]
* Buzz earnestly explains to Woody his role in saving Earth, basically as R2-D2 in ''Film/ANewHope''. His voice and the music build dramatically, then. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXu6lQqhieA Watch!]]
-->'''Buzz:''' According to my navicomputer--\\
'''Woody:''' [[BigShutUp Shut up!]] Just ''shut up'', you idiot!\\
'''Buzz:''' Sheriff, {{this is no time to panic}}.\\
'''Woody:''' This is the ''perfect'' time to panic! I'm lost, Andy is gone, they're gonna move from their house in two days and [[NeverMyFault it's all your fault!]]\\
'''Buzz:''' My fa-- ''My'' fault?! If you hadn't pushed me out the window in the first place--\\
'''Woody:''' Oooaugh ''yeah''!? Well, if ''you'', hadn't shown up in [[YourLittleDismissiveDiminutive your stupid little cardboard spaceship]] and taken away everything that was important to me...\\
'''Buzz:''' [[SkewedPriorities Don't talk to me about importance!]] Because of '''you''', [[CannotTellFictionFromReality the security of the entire universe is in jeopardy]]!\\
'''Woody:''' [[BigWhat WHAT?!]] What are you talking about?!\\
'''[[ComicallySerious Buzz]]:''' ''[glances up at the moon]'' [[DaydreamBeliever Right now, poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet. I alone have information that reveal his weapon's only weaknesses.]] ''[turns back to Woody, who is reacting [[JawDrop as one]] [[StunnedSilence would expect]]]'' And ''you'', my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!\\
''[{{beat}}, and cue the ChirpingCrickets as the backsound]''\\
'''Woody:''' ''[losing it]'' '''''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis You! Are! A! TOOOOOOOY!]]''''' You're not the real Buzz Lightyear, you... you're an action figure! You are ''a child's plaything!''\\
'''Buzz:''' [[HypocriticalHumor You are a sad, strange little man. And you have my pity. Farewell.]] ''[flashes a Vulcan salute]''\\
'''Woody:''' Oh yeah? Well, good riddance, ya looney!
** Double-funny for doing the [[Franchise/StarTrek Vulcan salute]] along with "Farewell".
** Made even funnier by Woody maintaining a look throughout Buzz's story that just screams "Are you ''listening'' to the shit you're saying?!" until he finally snaps.
** Just the hilarious way Woody gestures the quote "You are child's plaything!" to a bewildered looking Buzz.
** When ''WesternAnimation/ToyStory3'' was knocked off of its 100% Rotten Tomatoes review level by two contrinarians who gave bad reviews because they wanted to be contrary, the director responded by tweeting, [[TakeThatCritics "You are sad, strange little men, and you have my pity."]]
* "Don't you get it?! You see the hat?! I am ''Mrs. Nesbitt!''" Somehow, Woody matter-of-factly [[GetAHoldOfYourselfMan smacking Buzz to his senses]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice with his own dismembered arm]] makes it even funnier. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5m33zK6ZlA Watch!]]
** Then there's the squeaky noise Buzz's head makes...
** Buzz, looking all calm, says Woody's right and walks off to get it together, then:
--->'''Buzz:''' Oh, I'm a sham! Look at me, I can't even fly out of a window! But the hat looked good? Tell me the hat looked good. The apron was a bit much... Years of academy training, wasted!
** Though it's also a bit sad since it shows how awful his HeroicBSOD is, it's hard not to start laughing when Woody turns to look for Buzz and finds him swinging his own arm through the air making airplane noises, then crashing it into the ground.
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46rIWEgmmQk "Look! I'm Woody! Howdy, howdy, howdy!"]]
** Best of all, it's a ShoutOut to a ''[[ComicStrip/TheFarSide Far Side]]'' strip!
* "Okay, [[ParentalBonus Mr. LightBeer]], prove it!"
** A few minutes later in the film, Woody calls him [[AccidentalMisnaming "LightSnack"]].
* Mr. Potato Head quietly removing his mouth and [[StealthInsult repeatedly putting it on his backside while Slink is defending Woody]], getting a laugh from the Speak-n-Spell.[[note]]If you don't get it, [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar Potato Head is calling Slinky a kiss-ass]].[[/note]]
* Every other line of Mr. Potato Head's. "[[IdiotBall Did you all take stupid pills this morning?]]"
** Ditto for Hamm.
-->'''Rex (panicked)''': "Any dinosaur-shaped [toys]?!"
-->'''Hamm''': "Oh for crying out loud, they're all in boxes, you idiot!"
* Mr. Potato Head and Hamm play ''TabletopGame/{{Battleship}},'' especially when you notice Potato has called every spot on Hamm's grid ''except the ones where his ships are.''
** And Hamm has done exactly the opposite, having not missed once. Considering that out of the 100 squares on a typical Battleship grid, 17 of them will be occupied by ships and 83 aren't, it's anyone's guess how they managed that.
*** If you look closely, Potato Head set up his ships side-by-side, making it too easy for Hamm to guess where his ships are.
** Even better, they're playing ''STRIP Battleship''. Although how Hamm's supposed to strip would be FridgeLogic if he ever lost...
*** Well, there's his cork...
* Woody miming friendship with Buzz's arm.
** And before that:
-->'''Woody:''' Buzz, could you get over here and give me a hand?\\
'''Buzz:''' ''[throws his arm at Woody]''\\
'''Woody:''' Aha... that's very funny, Buzz THISISSERIOUS!
** Before ''that'', when Woody tries to proof everyone Buzz is alive and tells Buzz to come show himself, Buzz pulls the sticker from his wrist communicating arm, crumbles it and throws it away in disgust. Still in his delirious mind to help him.
** Then when he's trying to keep it up with the other toys across the way:
--->'''Mr. Potato Head:''' Wait just a minute, what are you trying to pull?!\\
'''Woody:''' Nothing! ''[accidentally shows Buzz's disconnected arm, the other toys scream in terror]''
** He then belatedly attempts to hide it behind his back.
* "I don't believe that man's ''ever'' been to medical school." [[CaptainObvious You think?]]
* Woody laughing at Buzz's delusions.
-->'''Woody:''' [[YouHaveGOTToBeKiddingMe You actually]] ''[[YouHaveGOTToBeKiddingMe think]]'' [[YouHaveGOTToBeKiddingMe you're]] ''[[YouHaveGOTToBeKiddingMe the]]'' [[YouHaveGOTToBeKiddingMe Buzz Lightyear?]] (losing it) Oh, all this time I thought it was an act! (to the toys) [[SarcasmMode Hey guys, look!]] [[SarcasmMode It's the]] ''[[SarcasmMode real]]'' [[SarcasmMode Buzz Lightyear!]]
-->'''Buzz:''' You're mocking me, aren't you?
-->'''Woody:''' Oh, no no no no no- BUZZ LOOK AN ALIEN!
-->'''Buzz:''' Where?! (Woody laughs hysterically and drops down whilst laughing as Buzz looks on with a DeathGlare on his face)
* Buzz's complete freakout when his helmet is open, while Woody just waits for him to finish. Until Buzz realizes that the air isn't toxic, and snaps at Woody for nearly endangering his life.
-->'''Buzz:''' ''(points at Woody, accusingly)'' How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on a uncharted planet?! My eyeballs could have been sucked from their sockets! ''(Buzz calmly closes his helmet as if nothing had happened)''
** Even better, that joke was improvised. Woody was originally supposed to look around concerned, but the bored-looking layout version sent John Lasseter into a hysterical fit and [[ThrowItIn the joke was changed accordingly]].
* This exchange:
-->'''Buzz:''' I believe the word you're searching for is "Space Ranger".\\
'''Woody:''' The word I'm searching for, [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar I can't say, because there's preschool toys present.]]
* In ''Toy Story Treats'', [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIhV3NzolS8 "Roadblock."]] It's just such a horrible joke, and Woody makes such a stupid face...
** Speaking of which, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXLNBM-iWwA Buzz had mad shadow puppetry skills.]]
** [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZR-HrKfAD4 "Sky Runner Buzz! It really flies!"]] It's sad and hilarious at the same time, how does that work?
*** Wait, [[VideoGame/EarthBound ''Sky Runner'']] Buzz?
---->'''Rex:''' Hey! A dinosaur documentary! Maybe this one will have a happy ending!
---->'''Hamm:''' Annnd there's the meteor.
* Rex's response when Slinky asks him if he believes Woody is innocent:
--> '''Rex:''' I don't like confrontations!
** Even [[WordOfGod Lasseter and co.]] agree this is Rex's funniest line on the DVD commentary.
* During Woody's encouragement to snap Buzz out of his depression after the realization he's not a space ranger...
--> '''Woody:''' Your helmet does that--[[BuffySpeak that WOOSH thing]]!
* This exchange right at the beginning of the movie:
-->'''Mr. Potato Head:''' ''[is turned away from the camera]'' Hey, Hamm, look! ''[turns around, revealing that he has rearranged his face]'' I'm Potasso!\\
'''Hamm:''' I don't get it. ''[walks away]''\\
'''Mr. Potato Head:''' ''[at Hamm]'' You uncultured swine!
** "What are ''you'' lookin' at, ya hockey puck?" Camera turns to... a hockey puck, with arms and legs, which shrugs in a "What?" fashion, presumably because it doesn't even have eyes.
* The scene where Buzz and Woody stow away on the Pizza Planet truck.
* When Woody grabs Buzz and repeatedly pushes a button that makes his arm go up and down.
-->'''Woody:''' Use your karate chop action!\\
'''Buzz:''' Hey, hey, how are you doing that!?
* [[SarcasmMode "Great, so if anyone attacks us]] [[DeadpanSnarker we can blink 'em to death."]]
* Buzz explains to Woody that revenge is something that isn't encouraged on his planet... then clarifies that they're not on his planet, to which Woody responds with an OhCrap face and saying LittleNo.
** And it's right after Woody was happy to see Buzz is alright and is confident that Buzz will tell the other toys it was a freak accident.
** Parts of the ensuing brawl are rather comically handled due to their toy nature, particularly when they try sucker punching each other (Woody's head just spins around, making him dizzy, while Buzz's just makes squeaky noises).
* After panicking about being replaced by his birthday presents, the toys all get increasingly offended by the lackluster practical ones he receives.
--> '''Green Army Soldier:''' Okay, it's bedsheets.
--> '''Mr. Potato Head:''' Who invited THAT kid?
* Sid sleep-talking: "I wanna ride the pony."
* Woody tries to get Buzz to follow him back to Andy's by convincing him that he's found a "spaceship" to take him home:
-->'''Woody:''' It's a special spaceship! I just saw it!\\
'''Buzz:''' ''[excited]'' You mean it has hyperdrive?\\
'''Woody:''' Hyper''active'' hyperdrive! And astro... uh... ''turf''!
* Buzz tries to get a look at Sid from Andy's window.
-->'''Buzz:''' Sure is a hairy looking fella.\\
'''Woody:''' No no, that's Scud, you idiot!
* The DVDCommentary can be pretty funny at points. Highlights include them poking fun at Buzz continuing to push the crate off the table even after he's fully stretched out, and pointing out that Buzz runs like an athlete while Woody runs like a wimp.
* In a meta ActorAllusion way, [[Creator/TimAllen Buzz]] dropping a [[Series/HomeImprovement Binford]] toolbox on [[Creator/TomHanks Woody]].
* The toys have a MyGodWhatHaveIDone moment after they throw Woody off the moving truck but Rex takes it a step further.
-->'''Rex:''' Great! Now I have guilt.
** Likely a callback to his anti-confrontation statement.
* Rex and Mr. Potato Head end up sharing a box for the move:
-->'''Potato Head:''' How did I get stuck with ''you'' as a moving buddy?
-->'''Rex:''' (completely sincere) Everyone else was picked.
* During Woody and Buzz' brawl underneath the car, Woody opens Buzz' helmet to start whaling on him, but then Buzz snaps the helmet shut on Woody's fingers, causing Woody to [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl howl in a hilariously undignified way]].
* After Sid throws Woody around, pretending to interrogate him and then using a SolarPoweredMagnifyingGlass on him before running downstairs, Woody immediately gets up, screams in pain and dunks his head in an old cereal bowl. Buzz then comes out (with plungers on his face and butt, [[NoodleIncident for some reason]]) and, still thinking it was all real, congratulates Woody, stating that a lesser man would've broken under such harsh torture.
* At the end, when the army guys announce the arrival of Mrs. Potato Head, Mr. Potato Head remarks, "Gee, I'd better shave!"...and just plucks off his mustache and tosses it offscreen.
* The very end when Buzz asks Woody if he's worried about the Christmas presents Andy will get:
-->'''Woody:''' ''(laughs)'' [[TemptingFate Now Buzz, what could Andy possibly get that is worse than you?]]\\
''The shot slowly zooms out to the exterior of the house.''\\
'''Andy:''' Oh, what is it? What is it? ''(barking is heard)'' Wow! A puppy!\\
''The shot quickly zooms back in on Woody and Buzz, who [[OhCrapSmile smile weakly at each other]] [[ThisIsGonnaSuck and chuckle]].''