* Buzz earnestly explains to Woody his role in saving Earth, basically as R2-D2 in ''[[StarWars A New Hope]]''. His voice and the music build dramatically, then. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXu6lQqhieA Watch!]]
-->'''Buzz''': According to my navicomputer--
-->'''Woody''': [[BigShutUp Shut up!]] Just ''shut up'', you idiot!
-->'''Buzz''': Sheriff, [[ThisIsNoTimeToPanic this is no time to panic.]]
-->'''Woody''': This is the ''perfect'' time to panic! I'm lost, Andy is gone, they're gonna move from their house in two days and [[NeverMyFault it's all your fault!]]
-->'''Buzz''': My?! ''My'' fault?! If you hadn't pushed me out the window in the first place--
-->'''Woody''': Oooaugh ''yeah''!? Well, if ''you'', hadn't shown up in [[YourLittleDismissiveDiminutive your stupid little cardboard spaceship]] and taken away everything that was important to me...
-->'''Buzz''': [[SkewedPriorities Don't talk to me about importance!]] Because of '''you''', [[CannotTellFictionFromReality the security of the entire universe is in jeopardy]]!
-->'''Woody''': [[BigWhat WHAT?!]] What are you talking about?!
-->'''[[ComicallySerious Buzz]]''': (glances up at the moon) [[DaydreamBeliever Right now poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been secretly building a weapon with destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet. I alone have information that reveal his weapon's only weaknesses.]] (turns back to Woody, who is reacting [[JawDrop as one]] [[StunnedSilence would expect]]) And ''you'', my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!\\
({{beat}}, and cue the ChirpingCrickets as the backsound)\\
'''Woody''': (Losing it) '''''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis You! Are! A! TOOOOOOOY!]]''''' You're not the real Buzz Lightyear, you... you're an action figure! You are ''a child's plaything!''\\
'''Buzz''': [[HypocriticalHumor You are a sad, strange little man. And you have my pity. Farewell.]]\\
'''Woody:''' Oh yeah? Well, good riddance, ya looney!
** Double-funny for doing the [[Franchise/StarTrek Vulcan salute]] along with "Farewell".
** Made even funnier by Woody maintaining a look throughout Buzz's story that just screams "Are you ''listening'' to the shit you're saying?!" until he finally snaps.
*** When ''Toy Story 3'' was knocked off of its 100 rotten tomatoes review level by two contrinarians who gave bad reviews because they wanted to be contrary, the director responded by tweeting ''[[TakeThatCritics "You are sad, strange little men, and you have my pity."]]''
* "Don't you get it?! You see the hat?! I am ''Mrs. Nesbitt!''" Somehow, Woody matter-of-factly [[GetAHoldOfYourselfMan smacking Buzz to his senses]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice with his own dismembered arm]] makes it even funnier. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5m33zK6ZlA Watch!]]
** Then there's the squeaky noise Buzz's head makes...
*** Buzz, looking all calm, says Woody's right and walks off to get it together.
-->"Oh, I'm a sham! Look at me, I can't even fly out of a window! But the hat looked good? Tell me the hat looked good. The apron was a bit much... Years of academy training, wasted!"
** Though it's also a bit sad since it shows how awful his HeroicBSOD is, it's hard not to start laughing when Woody turns to look for Buzz and finds him swinging his own arm through the air making airplane noises, then crashing it into the ground.
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46rIWEgmmQk "Look! I'm Woody! Howdy, howdy, howdy!"]]
** Best of all, it's a ShoutOut to a ''FarSide'' strip!
* "Okay, [[ParentalBonus Mr. LightBeer]], prove it!"
** A few minutes later in the film, Woody calls him [[AccidentalMisnaming "LightSnack"]].
* Look at Mr. Potato Head and Mr. Spell during Woody's speech in the beginning.
* Every other line of Mr. Potato Head's. "[[IdiotBall Did you all take stupid pills this morning?]]"
** Ditto for Hamm. "Oh for crying out loud, they're all in boxes, you idiot!"
* Mr. Potato Head and Hamm play ''Battleship,'' especially when you notice Potato has called every spot on Hamm's grid ''except the ones where his ships are.''
** And Hamm has done exactly the opposite, having not missed once. Considering that out of the 100 squares on a typical Battleship grid, 17 of them will be occupied by ships and 83 aren't, it's anyone's guess how they managed that.
*** Even better, they're playing ''STRIP Battleship''. Although how Hamm's supposed to strip would be FridgeLogic if he ever lost...
**** Well, there's his cork...
* Woody miming friendship with Buzz's arm.
** And before that:
-->'''Woody:''' Buzz, could you give me a hand?
-->'''Buzz:''' (Throws his arm at Woody)
-->'''Woody:''' Aha...that's very funny, Buzz THISISSERIOUS!
** Then when he's trying to keep it up with the other toys across the way:
-->'''Mr. Potato Head''': Wait just a minute, what are you trying to pull?!
-->'''Woody''': Nothing! (accidentally shows Buzz's disconnected arm, the other toys scream in terror)
* "I don't believe that man's ''ever'' been to medical school."
** [[CaptainObvious You think?]]
* Woody laughing at Buzz's delusions.
-->'''Woody:''' Hey guys, look, it's the ''real'' Buzz Lightyear!
-->'''Buzz:''' You're mocking me, aren't you?
-->'''Woody:''' Oh, no no... BUZZ LOOK AN ALIEN!!!
-->'''Buzz:''' Where?! ''[Woody laughs hysterically]''
* Buzz's complete freakout when his helmet is open, coupled with Woody's reaction.
* This exchange:
--> '''Buzz''': I believe the word you're searching for is "Space Ranger".
--> '''Woody''': The word I'm searching for, [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar I can't say, because there's preschool toys present.]]
* In Toy Story Treats, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIhV3NzolS8 "Roadblock."]] It's just such a horrible joke, and Woody makes such a stupid face...
** Speaking of which, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXLNBM-iWwA Buzz had mad shadow puppetry skills.]]
** [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZR-HrKfAD4 "Sky Runner Buzz! It really flies!"]] It's sad and hilarious at the same time, how does that work?
*** Wait, [[VideoGame/EarthBound ''Sky Runner'']] Buzz?
---->'''Rex:''' Hey! A dinosaur documentary! Maybe this one will have a happy ending!
---->'''Hamm:''' Annnd there's the meteor.
* Rex's response when Slinky asks him if he believes Woody is innocent:
--> '''Rex:''' I don't like confrontations!
** Even [[WordOfGod Lasseter and co.]] agree this is Rex's funniest line on the DVD commentary.
* During Woody's encouragement to snap Buzz out of his depression after the realization he's not a space ranger...
--> '''Woody:''' Your helmet does that, that-that...WOOSH thing!
* This exchange right at the beginning of the movie:
--> '''Mr. Potato Head''' ''[is turned away from the camera]'' Hey, look at me! ''[turns around, revealing that he has rearranged his face]'' I'm Potasso!
--> '''Hamm''' I don't get it. ''[walks away]''
--> '''Mr. Potato Head''' ''[at Hamm]'' You uncultured swine!
** "What are ''you'' lookin' at, ya hockey puck?" Camera turns to... a hockey puck, with arms and legs, which shrugs in a "What?" fashion.
* The scene where Buzz and Woody stow away on the Pizza Planet truck.
* '''Woody:''' (Grabbing Buzz and repeatedly pushing a button that makes his arm go up and down) Use your karate chop action!
--> '''Buzz:''' Hey, hey, how are you doing that!?
* [[SarcasmMode "Great, so if anyone attacks us]] [[DeadpanSnarker we can blink 'em to death."]]
* Buzz explains to Woody that revenge is something that isn't encouraged on his planet... then clarifies that they're not on his planet to which Woody responds with an OhCrap face and saying LittleNo.
** And it's right after Woody was happy to see Buzz is alright and is confident that Buzz will tell the other toys it was a freak accident.
* When the toys are finding out what Andy got for his birthday.
--> '''Green Army Soldier:''' Okay, it's bedsheets.
--> '''Mr. Potato Head:''' Who invited THAT kid?
* Sid sleep-talking: "I wanna ride the pony."
* Woody tries to get Buzz to follow him back to Andy's by convincing him that he's found a "spaceship" to take him home:
-->'''Woody''': It's a special spaceship! I just saw it!\\
'''Buzz (excited)''': You mean it has hyperdrive?\\
'''Woody''': Hyper''active'' hyperdrive! And astro...uh...''turf''!
* Buzz tries to get a look at Sid from Andy's window.
-->'''Buzz''': Sure is a hairy looking fella.
-->'''Woody''': No, that's Scud, you idiot!
* The DVDCommentary can be pretty funny at points. Highlights include them poking fun at Buzz continuing to push the crate off the table even after he's fully stretched out, and pointing out that Buzz runs like an athlete while Woody runs like a wimp.
* The whole exchange between Buzz and Woody right before the fight scene between the two of them.
-->'''Buzz:''' I just want you to know that even though you ''tried'' to terminate me, revenge is not an idea that we promote on my planet.\\
'''Woody:''' ''(cheerfully)'' Oh! Well, that's good!\\
'''Buzz:''' [[ExactWords But we're not on my planet,]] ''(pulls Woody in closer by the collar)'' '''[[PreAssKickingOneLiner are]]''' [[PreAssKickingOneLiner we?]]\\
'''Woody:''' [[OhCrap ...no.]]\\
''(Buzz tackles Woody, and they proceed to beating the everloving shit out of each other)''
* Can we just take the time to remember [[TimAllen Buzz]] dropping a [[HomeImprovement Binford]] toolbox on [[TomHanks Woody]]?
* The toys all panic when Andy's friends come with presents to potentially replace them... only to be disgusted when all of the presents are lame things like lunch boxes and bedsheets.
--> '''Mr. Potato Head''': Who invited ''that'' kid??