* The Johnny Cab scene:
-->'''Quaid''': Drive Drive!
-->'''Johnny Cab''': Would you please repeat the destination?
-->'''Quaid''': Anywhere, just go! Go!
-->'''Johnny Cab''': Please state a street and number.
-->'''Quaid''': Shit! shit!
-->'''Johnny Cab''': I'm not familiar with the address. Would you please repeat the destination?
-->'''Quaid''': [Quaid rips the Johnnycab out and starts to drive himself] Aaahhh!
** In an earlier scene:
-->'''Quaid:''' ''(confused)'' Where am I?\\
'''Johnny Cab:''' You're in a Johnny Cab.\\
'''Quaid:''' How did I get in here?\\
'''Johnny Cab:''' I'm sorry. Would you please rephrase the question?\\
'''Quaid:''' How did I get in this taxi?!\\
'''Johnny Cab:''' The door opened, you got in. ''(rolls his eyes)'' Hell of a day, isn't it?
** "Quit while you're ahead."
* Beeeny!! [[ThisIsADrill SHKLEEEEW EWE!!]]
* The bad guys keep getting fooled by a {{Hologram}} of Quaid, and then they turn and find the real Quaid:
** "Hahahahaha! You think this is the real Quaid?" *The bad guys hold their fire* "[[OhCrap It is!]]"
* Ahnold's animatronic "big lady" disguise fails him, so he pulls off the fake head and throws to a guard coming for him:
-->'''Quaid:''' Here. Catch.\\
[A surprised security guard catches the head]\\
'''Disembodied Fake Head:''' Get ready for a surpriiise!
-->'''[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM!]]'''
** '''''[[ChewingTheScenery "TWWOOOOO WEEEEEEEEKS!!"]]'''''
* After a door gets shut, causing Richter to lose Quaid, this happens.
-->'''Richter''': Open the goddamn door!
-->'''Everett''': I can't.
-->'''Richter''': [grabs him] OPEN IT!
-->'''Everett''': [pushes him off] THEY'RE ALL CONNECTED!\\
[They both then just awkwardly stand and look at each other for a moment]
* "In 30 seconds you'll be dead, and I'll blow this place up and be home in time for cornflakes."
** In the same scene, when Cohaagen's ranting about how he didn't want any of this and just wanted his friend back, the petulant, childish way he yells "But ''nooooo''! You had to be ''Quaid''!"
* This little exchange:
-->'''Richter''': I want that fucker dead!
-->'''Helm''': I don't blame you, man. I wouldn't want a guy like Quaid porkin' my old lady.
-->'''Richter''': You saying she liked it?
-->'''Helm''': Uh... no... I'm sure she hated every minute of it.
* "They did! But I killed DEM!"
* "[[CaptainObvious You are not you. You're me.]]" "...No shit."
** "Just shove real hard."
** While Quaid has the probe up his nasal passage, Hauser looks like he's watching the whole thing with mild but amused interest.
* Lori's death scene:
-->'''Lori:''' Doug, honey... you wouldn't hurt me, would you, sweetheart? Sweetheart, be reasonable. After all, we're married! ''[Lori goes for her gun, Quaid shoots her through the head]''
-->'''Douglas Quaid:''' [[BondOneLiner Consider that a divorce]].
-->''[Melina gets up]''
-->'''Melina:''' That was your wife? ''[Quaid nods]'' What a bitch!
* [[IronicEcho "See you at da party, Richta!"]]
** [[WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic "We'll have a farewell to arms!"]]
* The human shield guy. How his body absorbs [[NoKillLikeOverkill 15,000 bullets]] and remain intact crosses many lines into BlackComedy that you can't help but laugh after the shooting stops.
* The notorious ExplosiveDecompression scene is [[NightmareFuel pretty disturbing, yet unrealistic.]] Fortunately, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6zme3z6qZ8 Joel from Vinesauce]] has a [[CrossesTheLineTwice story that really]] [[NightmareRetardant sucks it's creepiness out!]]
-->'''Joel:''' This thing is going on! So, this... well Arnold was going [[BadBadActing NYEAUGH NYEAUUUGH!]] His father stormed into his room, screaming and sad as he goes:
-->'''Joel's Half-Brother's father:''' "THIS IS WHAT YOU LIKE? THIS IS WHAT YOU LIKE WATCHING?! HUH?! HUH?!"
-->'''Joel:''' And-and my brother protested like:
-->'''Joel's Half-Brother:''' [[BigNo No! NOOOO!]]
-->'''Joel:''' ...and Arnold was going NYEAUGH NYEAUUUGH!! And my- *chuckles* his father was like stomping up and all like:
-->'''Joel's Half-Brother's father:''' "YOU CAN'T WATCH THESE THINGS! WHY ARE YOU WATCHING?!"
-->'''Joel:''' ...and my- *laughs* my brother is crying like:
-->'''Joel's Half-Brother:''' NO, STOP!
-->'''Joel:''' [[ActuallyPrettyFunny And Arnold was just going NYEAUGH, NYEAUGH, NYEAUUUUGH!!! *Long laugher*]]
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