Although it lacks much of the humour of its [[Series/DoctorWho parent show]], ''Torchwood'' has had its moments.

For ''[[Funny/TorchwoodMiracleDay Miracle Day]]'' funny moments, see that page.\\
For ''[[Funny/TorchwoodTheLostFiles The Lost Files]]'' funny moments, see that page.

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder: Season One]]
* "[[Recap/TorchwoodS1E1EverythingChanges Everything Changes]]":
--> '''Jack''': Okay, first of all, who the ''hell'' [[IdiotBall orders pizza]] under the name of "Torchwood?"
-->'''Owen''': That'd be me. I'm a twat.
* "[[Recap/TorchwoodS1E3GhostMachine Ghost Machine]]"
** [[ChaseSceneObstacleCourse Owen chasing Bernie through the streets]] is rife with [[FunnyBackgroundEvent little background moments of humor]]:
-->''(Owen and Bernie bump into an old woman who dropped her groceries.)''
-->'''Woman:''' You mind out!
-->'''Bernie:''' Sorry!
-->''(Owen trips on said groceries.)''
-->'''Owen:''' Sorry!
-->''(They then run through some kids playing football in an alleyway.)''
-->'''Kid:''' ''(to Owen)'' GO ON! KICK HIS HEAD IN!
-->''(The chase then leads to Bernie running into a woman's garden. When Owen arrives, the woman just nods him in the direction Bernie went.)''
-->''(Bernie, as soon as he gets over the fence, lands in a small pool in a backyard where a girl is playing.)''
-->'''Little Girl:''' DAD, THERE'S A MAN IN THE GARDEN!
-->''(Owen soon rushes by.)''
-->'''Little Girl:''' THERE'S ''TWO'' MEN IN THE GARDEN!
-->''(Bernie climbs over another fence and into a dead end, with Owen cornering him immediately after.)''
-->'''Owen:''' Bernie Harris...
-->'''Bernie:''' Who?
-->'''Owen:''' That wasn't a question. ''(advances towards Bernie)''
-->'''Bernie:''' ''(cowering)'' Don't hurt me! Please, I have asthma!
-->'''Owen:''' [[FalseReassurance I'm not gonna hurt you...]] I'm gonna '''bloody''' '''''kill''''' '''you.'''
** The Torchwood Crew go down to Splott [[TerribleIntervieweesMontage to find any info on Sean "Bernie" Harris]]:
-->'''Tosh:''' Hi, I'm looking for Bernie, is he in?
-->'''Mrs. Harris:''' Friends of his, are ya?
-->'''Tosh:''' Well, I'm from-
-->'''Mrs. Harris:''' Well, I'm his mother. And he's a robbing little ''bastard'' who's not setting a foot in this house 'till he pays me the 50 quid he owes me! ''(slams door in Tosh's face)''
-->''(Cut to a bar, where we meet the bar's owner.)''
-->'''Barman:''' He's barred.
-->''(Cut to an arcade, where we meet a young boy.)''
-->'''Boy:''' He said he'd give me an Ipod, and he never. And he smoked my fags.
-->''(Cut to a girl working in a store.)''
-->'''Girl:''' I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire!
* "[[Recap/TorchwoodS1E5SmallWorlds Small Worlds]]"
** One of the fairies, in trying to get into the garden, smashes through a fence. A fence that, mind you, ''has done nothing to offend said fairy at all.''
* "[[Recap/TorchwoodS1E7GreeksBearingGifts Greeks Bearing Gifts]]":
--> ''Tosh walks in; Owen's recent autopsy has gone a bit wrong and Gwen is NOT holding back.''
-->'''Gwen''': "It turns out that Owen has made a few mistakes. That body is what gender again, Owen?"
-->'''Owen''': "A...male....a man... a very girly man!"
-->'''Gwen''': "That's not all of it, remember, you said gunshot wound, right? Well, what was the true cause of death?"
-->'''Owen''': "Unidentified trauma."
-->'''Gwen''': "Yes, but what can definitely be ruled out?"
-->'''Owen''': "Gunshot wound..."
-->'''Gwen''': "Gunshot wound!!!! So, Owen, did you actually get any part of your diagnosis correct?"
-->'''Owen''': "....I got that... It...eh...was a skeleton?"
-->'''Gwen''': [[SarcasmMode "Yes you did! Yes you did!"]]
** She's singing the "X bone is connected to the X bone" song when Tosh first walks in.
* "[[Recap/TorchwoodS1E13EndOfDays End of Days]]":
** Just how much of a show off is the TARDIS? As we learn in [[Recap/DoctorWhoS29E11Utopia "Utopia"]], ''she doesn't even land '''in''' the lab'' and still makes a goddamn mess of the place on her arrival... There's ''several tonnes of concrete'' between her and the lab, and she ''still'' trashed it.
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Season Two]]
* "[[Recap/TorchwoodS2E1KissKissBangBang Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang]]":
--> '''Gwen:''' (to an elderly woman on the street) Excuse me, have you seen a blowfish driving a sports car? (woman points) Thank you.
--> '''Elderly lady:''' ''(In the most Welsh accent imaginable)'' Bloody Torchwood.
** The moment where Gwen yells out "BLOWFISH!"
** Later on, Jack and John's reunion. First they dramatically walk towards each other in semi slow motion, suck face like they're in a movie, beat the ever living shit out of each other, hold each other up in a MexicanStandoff, then smile at each other and ask how the other has been.....''as if this is completely normal''.
** It's Jack - it is perfectly normal for him..
*
--> '''Captain John:''' I think I'm starting to see what he likes about this place...she's beautiful...he's stunning...
--> '''Gwen:''' Don't you ''ever'' stop?
--> '''Captain John:''' Five minutes to live and you want me to behave? Oh, that's gorgeous...
--> '''Gwen:''' That's a poodle.
--> '''Captain John:''' It's ''nice''! (extremely lascivious look)
* "[[Recap/TorchwoodS2E2Sleeper Sleeper]]":
** Owen is trying to beg Tosh to set up a phone. Tosh tells him multiple times, that [[PunctuatedForEmphasis The]] ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis entire.]]'' [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Telephone. Network. Is down!]] Then Ianto comes in:
-->'''Ianto:''' Mobiles, land lines, tin cans with bits of string, everything. Absolutely everything. No phones, phones all broken. ''(makes a little phone with his hands)'' Hello? Anyone there? No! Because the ''phones aren't working''!
** Followed immediately by Jack contacting Torchwood via a CB radio.
--> '''Tosh:''' Nuclear warheads. Ten of them.
--> '''Ianto:''' It's all over.
--> '''Owen:''' ({{beat}}) Let's all have sex.
--> '''Ianto:''' And I thought the end of the world couldn't get any worse.
* "[[Recap/TorchwoodS2E4Meat Meat]]":
--> '''Gwen''': Have you ever eaten alien meat?
--> '''Jack''': Yeah.
--> '''Gwen''': What was it like?
--> '''Jack''': Well, he seemed to enjoy it.
** Tosh suggests using the alien meat to feed the world, prompting Ianto to quip that they could release a single.
* "[[Recap/TorchwoodS2E7DeadManWalking Dead Man Walking]]":
** Owen Harper's puking scene and Jack's hilarious reaction.
**
-->'''Jack''': Only in suffering do we realize beauty.
-->'''Owen''': Yeah, yeah. Who said that?
-->'''Jack''': [[Creator/MarcelProust Proust.]]
-->'''Owen''': You've read Proust?
-->'''Jack''': Yeah. Well, no. We dated for a while. He was ''really'' immature.
**
-->'''Ianto''': I have searched for the phrase "I shall walk the Earth and my hunger shall know no bounds," but I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers.
* "[[Recap/TorchwoodS2E9SomethingBorrowed Something Borrowed]]":
** Jack mistaking Rhys's [[ObnoxiousInLaws harridan of a mother]] for a shape-shifting alien and holding her at gunpoint.
-->'''Jack''': Get back, you ugly [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch bitch]]!
** And then when she protests she's not an alien:
-->'''Jack''': Yeah, and Radio/TheLoneRanger didn't [[HoYay have a thing for Tonto]]!
** The proof that she's not an alien? The shape-shifter can't copy scent and Gwen would have recognized that god-awful perfume anywhere.
* "[[Recap/TorchwoodS2E11Adrift Adrift]]":
** All of the scene following Gwen walking in on Jack and Ianto's naked makeout session on a desk, particularly the naked hide-and-seek conversation. And, in the category of unintentional puns:
--> '''Ianto:''' There's a package on your desk.
*** If you watch the background while Ianto delivers that line, you can see that Jack is already undressed again.
* "[[Recap/TorchwoodS2E13ExitWounds Exit Wounds]]":
--> '''Grim Reaper Looking Guy''': Devils! Blasphemers! Pray to your heathen god, while in the Lord's name we cast you out!
--> ''Ianto and Tosh open fire with hand-guns and the "reapers" all go down handily.''
--> '''Ianto''': There we are then.
--> '''Tosh''': Sorted.
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Season Five: Aliens Among Us]]

* [[{{Recap/TorchwoodS5E1ChangesEverything}} Changes Everything]]
** Tyler assumes Mr Colchester is a bigot, and that's why he hates him. Colchester is happy to inform him of the contrary: No, Colchester is gay and married to a man, he just really doesn't like Tyler.

* [[{{Recap/TorchwoodS5E2AliensSexChipsGravy}} Aliens & Sex & Chips & Gravy]]
** ''The title itself'' is pretty funny in its own right.
** The way Madgrigal says "Booooozeee!"

* [[{{Recap/TorchwoodS5E3Orr}} Orr]]
** Ng wondering if Orr can look like Idris Elba.
** A lot of Orr's first interactions with the cast to be honest. Orr embarassing Colchester in front of everyone is a highlight.

* [[{{Recap/TorchwoodS5E4SuperiorityComplex}} Superiority Complex]]
** Jack Harkness, posing as a barman, makes a drink called A Jack Harkness.
--> '''Jack''': ''Everything's better with a Harkness inside you.''


[[/folder]]

[[folder: Season Six: God Among Us]]

* [[{{Recap/TorchwoodS6E2TheManWhoDestroyedTorchwood}} The Man Who Destroyed Torchwood]]
** Although it can sometimes be the very opposite, a few of Brent's frequent bizarro hallucinations are genuinely hilarious. Highlights Include:
*** John Barrowman playing Imagination!Jack as the most overly Americanized cliché possible. All of his lines are angry Southern yelling.
*** Imagination!Orr is Corr, a woman who's only personality trait is being objectified. It hilariously plays on what many initially thought Orr's character would be.
*** Imagination!Yvonne is a '''DEMURE SECRETARY.''' Tracy Ann Oberman kills it.
** Not only that, some of Brent's political ideas and antics are just generally amusing until they get dark. He calls a Weevil a "Werevill" and believes all of the Sorvix to be method actors!!



* [[{{Recap/TorchwoodS6E5Flight405}} Flight 405]]
** '''EVERYTHING NORTON FOLGATE SAYS.''' This applies to all Norton episodes, but Norton, Andy and Yvonne are the best triple act concievable.

* [[{{Recap/TorchwoodS6E7AnotherMansShoes}} Another Man's Shoes]]
** The Entirety of the Episode is for once, a comedy, and is absolutely hysterical.
** Norton in Tyler's body.
--> '''Tyler!Norton''': ''I'm not Tyler. I'm a Sexy Giraffe!''
** Tyler in Norton's body, complaining about being short and desperately trying to stop Norton from going on a sex spree.
** Norton and Tyler making out in a clothing store closet.
** Jay. Lovely Jay.
*** Norton even tries proposing to him, a man he has just met. Jay's reaction is predictably hysterical.
** Jack in Colchester's body trying to be as menacing as possible to procure a table that he had reserved, '''except it was under Colin's name not his.''' Bonus points for Jack going on about how Colchester's voice is a weapon and if he goes on in a "low inhuman rumble," maybe eventually he'll get a seat.
** Jack insulting Colchester's body.
--> '''Ng''': ''Did you just call Mr. Colchester '''flabby?'''''
** Yvonne attempting over and over to pass a simple interview while in Andy's body. She does not comprehend that she isn't always the boss of every scenario, which leads to some funny results.
** The entire episode is just the cast doing impressions of each other, and honestly, all of them are quite good at it, which adds to the humor.

* [[{{Recap/TorchwoodS6E12ThoughtsandPrayers}} Thoughts and Prayers]]
** Orr says that they can sense "the love" Mr. Colchester and Colin had in the back of their car, in front of Ng.
** God's attempt to take back her powers from Orr involves making out with them furiously.
** Tyler disguises himself as a pizza delivery man to rescue Yvonne from house arrest.


[[/folder]]

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