* This gem:
-->'''Mr. Tulip:''' It's not a ----ing harpsichord, it's a ----ing virginal! One ----ing string to a note instead of two! So called because it was an instrument for ----ing young ladies!\\
'''Chair:''' My word, was it? I thought it was just a sort of early piano!
* Every time Otto takes a picture.
* A small but hilarious one: the only Guilds that refuse to vote to impeach Vetinari are the four run by women, prompting William to observe, very dryly, that the man must have led a very interesting life.
* Vetinari's GenreSavvy attempts to determine whether the printing press is going to bring about tentacled horrors:
-->'''Vetinari''': Possibly ''on this very site'' a strange cult once engaged in eldritch rites, the very essence of which permeated the neighborhood, and which seeks only the rite, ahaha, circumstances to once again arise and walk about eating people?
-->'''William''': They made rocking horses here.
-->'''Vetinari''': I've always thought there was something slightly sinister about rocking horses.
* The clacks from the King of Lancre clarifying that women of Lancre are ''not'' in the habit of giving birth to snakes. ALL PLUS ARMS LEGS MINUS SCALES FANGS.