* After going through all sorts of abuse by two old ladies, a polo game, being nearly drowned and being attacked by a bed THAT TURNS INTO A CIRCLE OF WOLVES JUST BECAUSE HE WAS THERE, the Thief breezes through a collapsing war machine like a walk in the park.
** And the ''instant'' he manages to escape without a scratch, carrying away his precious treasure, [[CantGetAwayWithNuthin Tack jumps him and steals the golden balls]]. The Thief advances on him like a man possessed, almost forcing Tack to jump to his death... [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere until he finally shrugs, waves him off dismissively, and trudges away back into the smoke]].
* The Chernabog Impression when the Thief tries to steal the giant ruby.
* Right at the beginning of the movie, the thief tries to steal some bananas from an old lady who reaches her GIANT MAN HANDS through her tunic and beats the ever-loving crap out of him.
* "OPEN FOR THE ROYAL POLO PONIES!" the singers in the background just make that small moment hilarious.
* After his long struggle up the pipes, the Thief pulls on a cord that turns out to flush them, giving a Pink Panther-esque glance at the camera as he's pulled all the way back down.
* The Thief getting whacked around during the polo game. Every time.
* The Thief picking his own pocket.
* A way to redeem the Miramax version of the film is to pretend the bulk of the Thief's monologue isn't actually telling the story but mocking it. It makes it a lot more amusing.
** Some of the Thief's snark in the Miramax version is pretty funny:
*** When he sneaks into the cobbler's shop in the beginning and when he sees all the mess: "What a dump! Nobody lives like this except college kids!"
*** When he falls into the moat: "I can't help but question the color of this water. I'm gonna stink for days. And I ''just'' had this robe dry-cleaned!"
*** When he sneaks into the Princess's bathroom: "Hey, look! Ha-''ha!'' Soap! So that's what it looks like! I've heard of it in storybooks and songs!"
*** And then immediately afterwards, when he spots Princess [=YumYum=] in her bath: "What's that? ...Oh, a naked lady." Said in a really disappointed tone.
*** When he's chased through the palace by Tack, he notes the extremely stylized checkered backgrounds: "Man, who ''decorated'' this place?"
*** As he steals the three golden balls: "You're gonna buy me a castle by the sea! And ''you're'' gonna buy me everything I need to turn the basement into a rec room! And with ''you'' -- I tell you, sweetheart -- I'm going to ''Disneyland!"''
*** While climbing up the mountain made out of stone hands: "I'd be dead if this mountain started to applaud!"
*** Chasing one of the golden balls: "If I find out that's just gold paint...!"
*** And when he steals the "THE END" letters: "I'll just hold onto these little goodies until the reviews come out!"
*** When he keeps smacking into warning signs: "They should have a sign: 'Beware of Signs.'"
* At the beginning, during the Thief's introduction, the Thief tries to steal from an old lady, but before he can, she grabs his arm and then proceeds to beat the tar out of him. Never underestimate an old lady.
* Yum Yum smelling the Thief in the bathroom, helped by the actress's unusually snarky delivery. "Maybe the pipes are backed up. Maybe something died."
* The Thief [[BreakingtheFourthWall stealing the film reel at the end.]]