* "Oh hai, doggy!"
** Even funnier because the lady seems to be one line behind in the script.
* When Johnny has just had a fight with Lisa, and furiously talks to himself before noticing his friend Mark is there.
-->'''Johnny:''' I did nat heet her, it's naht true, it's bowlshit! I did naht heet her! [[ChewingTheScenery I did NAAAAAHT.]] [[MoodWhiplash Oh hai, Mark.]]
* "Anyway, how is your sex life?"
** This is uttered immediately after Johnny claims he can't talk to Mark about what's going on at work because "[[HypocriticalHumor it's private]]".
* "And she's showing everybody me underwears."
* "You are tearing me APART Lisa!!"
* The fight scene for some strange reason. The dialogue by Johnny definitely helps.
** "Don tosh meh, motorfocker! Geddaut!"
** "I'LL KILL YOU I BREAK EVERY BONE IN YO BODY! I KILL YOU YOU BASTURD!"
* "''[[ObligatorySwearing Shit]]''[[LameComeback , alright!?]]"
* "I ''definitely'' have breast cancer."
** [[AngstWhatAngst "Don't worry about it!"]]
* "In a few minutes, [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch bitch]]."
* "Did you get your promotion?"
** "...You didn't get it, didn't you?"
* The entire pot smoking scene.
* "[[ComicallyMissingThePoint Johnny doesn't drink!]]" This is said immediately after Lisa tells her mother about ''DomesticAbuse''.
* "Where's my FUCKING MONEY, DENNY!?!"
** "YOU'RE NOT MY FUCKING MOTHER!"
** "WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?!"
** "STOP GANGING UP ON ME!"
* "Chicken, Peter, you're just a little chicken. CHEEP-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheeeeEEEeeeeeEEEeeeeauaa."
** Even more hilariously brought up later (during the fight scene) with, "You betrayed me, you're not good. You-- You're just a chicken! CHEEP-CHEEP-CHEEP-CHEEP-CHEEP!" He also looks stiff as a board when he does the chicken movements.
* Speaking of Peter, the fact that, due to his actor's having to leave the project midway and that Wiseau insisted upon filming the infamous "football in tuxes" scene over the actually-important party scenes, the character's last lines are, "[[spoiler: That's it, I'm done,]]" is all the more hilarious.
* "What a story Mark." It's how badly dubbed it is and [[DissonantLaughter how inappropriate the laugh is for the story]] that makes it hilarious.
* "Wow, you look great! You look... a baby face..."
* Another great piece of dialogue:
-->'''Lisa''': He got drunk last night and he hit me.
-->'''Michelle''': He hit you?!
-->'''Lisa''': He didn't know what he was doing.
-->'''Michelle''': Are you okay?
-->'''Lisa''': Well, I don't want to marry him anymore.
* The drama of [[spoiler:Johnny's suicide]] is ruined by a single line
-->'''Mark''': As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the earth! That's a promise.
* EVREYBODY BEETRAYED ME! I'M FEDDAP WIT THIZ WOROLD!
* So leave your '''STUPID''' comments in your pocket!
* "Let's goh eat, HAAAUUU!"
* The swooning romanticism of Mark and Lisa's interactions:
-->'''Lisa''': I miss you.
-->'''Mark''': I just saw you, what are you talking about?
* "Denny, don't cook too much, it may not come out right." Johnny's response to Denny's drug problems.
* Lisa and Mark's reactions to [[spoiler:finding Johnny's body after he '''shot himself in the head''']].
-->'''Mark''': WAKE UP [[spoiler:JOHNNY]]! WAKE UP!
-->'''Lisa''': OH MY GOD, MARK, [[spoiler:IS HE DEAD?]]
* Johnny's facial expression and silly wiggling of the tape when he shows it to Lisa. It's a lot less "I've got the evidence right here, you bitch!" and more like he's mildly smug.