* '''The entirety of this movie'''. Seriously, everything from dialogue to camera direction, nothing but sheer comedy gold.
* "Hai, doggy!"
** Even funnier because the lady seems to be one line behind in the script.
** The lady is off-screen when she says "You're my favorite customer" as Johnny leaves, making it look like the doggy is the one saying it.
* When Johnny has just had a fight with Lisa offscreen, and furiously talks to himself before noticing his friend Mark is there.
-->'''Johnny:''' I did not hit her, it's not true. It's bullsh*t; I did not hit her! [[ChewingTheScenery I did NOTTT.]] [[MoodWhiplash Oh hi, Mark.]]
** The above line deserves a second mention solely for Johnny's read of "I did NOT." His head swivels like he's unhinging his jaw, and the word "not" comes out sounding like some kind of mildly annoyed farm animal. Honestly, that ''one word'' was the funniest part of the film for me.
** That seconds-long scene took three hours to shoot. Three hours. For the sole reason that Wiseau just couldn't get it right, and what's in in the movie is actually the best take they had.
* "Anyway, how is your sex life?"
** This is uttered immediately after Johnny claims he can't talk to Mark about what's going on at work because "[[HypocriticalHumor it's confidential]]".
* "And she's showing everybody [[SmartPeopleSpeakTheQueensEnglish me underwears.]]"
* "You are tearing me APART Lisa!!"
** [[WebVideo/CinemaSins "There's nothing wrong with this scene. This is gold."]]
** Even Tommy Wiseau admitted that it's pretty funny.
** The Podcast/RiffTrax guys actually clapped at this in their riff commentary.
* This barely audible exchange at the party:
-->'''Random Guy''': [[InformedAttractiveness Lisa looks hot tonight.]]
-->'''Guy's Wife''': What do you mean, "hot"?
--> '''Guy''': Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say "hot"?
* The fight scene for some strange reason. The dialogue by Johnny definitely helps.
** "Don't touch me, mutherfawker. Get out!"
** "I'LL KILL YOU I BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY! I'LL KILL YOU YOU BASTURD!"
* "You don't know ''[[ObligatorySwearing shit]]''[[LameComeback , alright!?]]"
* "I ''definitely'' have breast cancer."
** [[AngstWhatAngst "Don't worry about it!"]]
* "In a few minutes, [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch bitch]]." Doubles as a CrowningMomentOfAwesome for Johnny.
* "Did you get your promotion?"
*** "...You didn't get it, didn't you?"
* The entire pot smoking scene.
* "[[ComicallyMissingThePoint Johnny doesn't drink!]]" This is said immediately after Lisa tells her mother about ''DomesticAbuse''.
** Although it [[AlternateCharacterInterpretation could be seen]] as [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness a reaction to something else]].
* The scene where Lisa gets Johnny drunk on a combination of [[GargleBlaster scotch and vodka]], capped off with Johnny in 'drunk' mode, which is less convincing than the average ten year old pretending to be drunk;
-->'''Johnny''': I'm tie-erred, eye'm waysted, I luhrff you duurhling.
-->'''Lisa''': Make love to me, Johnny.
** Tommy accidentally captured the audience's reaction to a ''third'' sex scene within the space of half an hour.
* "Where's my FUCKING MONEY, DENNY!?!"
** "YOU'RE NOT MY F*CKING MOTHER!"
** "WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?!"
** "IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT."
** "STOP GANGING UP ON ME!"
* "Chicken, Peter, you're just a little chicken. CHEEP-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheeeeEEEeeeeeEEEeeeeauaa."
** Even more hilariously brought up later (during the fight scene) with, "You betrayed me, you're not good. You-- You're just a chicken! CHEEP-CHEEP-CHEEP-CHEEP-CHEEP!" He also looks stiff as a board when he does the chicken movements.
* Speaking of Peter, the fact that, due to his actor's having to leave the project midway and that Wiseau insisted upon filming the infamous "football in tuxes" scene over the actually-important party scenes, the character's last lines are, "[[spoiler: That's it, I'm done,]]" is all the more hilarious.
* "What a story Mark." It's how badly dubbed it is and [[DissonantLaughter how inappropriate the laugh is for the story]] that makes it hilarious.
* "Wow, you look great! You look... a baby face..."
** The extreme close up of Mark's newly shaven face, compelled with the dramatic music, as if it were supposed to be a shocking reveal. Greg Sestero called this one of the most embarrassing things he had ever done.
* Another great piece of dialogue:
-->'''Lisa''': He got drunk last night and he hit me.
-->'''Michelle''': He hit you?!
-->'''Lisa''': He didn't know what he was doing.
-->'''Michelle''': Are you okay?
-->'''Lisa''': Well, I don't want to marry him anymore.
* The drama of [[spoiler:Johnny's suicide]] is ruined by a single line
-->'''Mark''': As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the earth! That's a promise.
* EVREYBODY BETRAYED ME! I'M FEDUP WITH THIS WUROLD!
* So leave your '''STUPID''' comments in your pocket!
** "[[Podcast/RiffTrax With your keys, and your stupid change!]]"
* "Let's goh eat, HAAAUUU!"
* The swooning romanticism of Mark and Lisa's interactions:
-->'''Lisa''': I miss you.
-->'''Mark''': I just saw you, what are you talking about?
* "Denny, don't plan too much, it may not come out right." Johnny's response to Denny asking what movie they're going to see.
* Lisa and Mark's reactions to [[spoiler:finding Johnny's body after he decides "[[Podcast/RiffTrax Oh hai, gun barrel!]]"]].
-->'''Mark''': WAKE UP [[spoiler:JOHNNY]]! WAKE UP!
-->'''Lisa''': OH MY GOD, MARK, [[spoiler:IS HE DEAD?]]
* Johnny's facial expression and silly wiggling of the tape when he shows it to Lisa. It's a lot less "I've got the evidence right here, you bitch!" and more like he's mildly smug.
* Despite hitting the DespairEventHorizon, Johnny decides to mourn the fact that his [[strike: fiancée]] future wife had been cheating on him by...humping her red dress.
* Rotten Tomatoes' summary of the movie.
--> A benevolent, friendly, selfless man who greets everyone with a disarming "Hi" discovers that you can't trust anyone after getting engaged to a manipulative, self-serving siren who seduces his best friend and destroys his life in The Room. Johnny (writer/director Tommy Wiseau) has everything a man could ever want: great friends, a good job, and a gorgeous fiancée named Lisa (Juliette Danielle). But Lisa's innocent act masks the fact that she's looking to bring Johnny down, and her manipulations are tearing Johnny apart. As Lisa informs her cancer-ridden mother, Claudette (Carolyn Minnott), that Johnny hit her (he did not hit her, that is bull$&*t, he did not), Johnny's best friend, Mark (Greg Sestero), finds his resistance to Lisa's seductive charms weakening. Meanwhile, local orphan Denny (Philip Haldiman) looks up to Johnny, and needs the older man's help after the teen rips off a drug dealer. What kind of drugs? It doesn't matter. Then guys play football in tuxedos, because you can play football anywhere.
* "It's okay he just wanted some money." "What kind of money?!"
** [[CaptainObvious "That was a very dangerous man! He had a gun!"]]
* "I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off."
* Johnny grabbing an open box, which he then closes so he can open it for drama or something.
* Johnny and Mark's rooftop conversation has them alternate between sitting down and standing up for no apparent reason.
* Johnny and Lisa's sex scene, which involves sprinkling rose petals all over Lisa's bare breasts. After sex, we see that Lisa has petals stuck to her back and when Johnny gets out of bed, he grabs another rose and smells it before setting it down by Lisa who is still sleeping. It's practically a threesome with a plant.
* [[BetaCouple Mike and Michelle]]'s [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qrei6__94WA sex scene]]. Just when you thought the love scenes in this movie couldn't get more hilariously awkward, we get Mike's weirdly forced undressing, where he shoots both hands straight up like he's playing "Simon Says", then apparently orgasms as soon as his girlfriend puts her head in the general vicinity of his crotch. Not to mention this gem:
-->'''Mike:''' Did you, uh, know... that chocolate... is the symbol of love?
** Mike's sexual turn-on face is one of the funniest things caught on film.
** "What are these characters doing here?" Intentionally or otherwise, Claudette's breaking of the forth wall is perfectly timed.
** Later in the movie, there's Mike's "casual announcement" to his friends.
-->'''Mike:''' [[HaveIMentionedIAmSexuallyActiveToday I have to go see Michelle in a little bit to make out with her.]]
* "It seems to me like you're the '''EXPERT''', Mark!" There's something about the delivery of this line that cracks [[Tropers/BurntMario this troper]] up.
* Johnny's CaptainObvious dialog to Lisa at his surprise birthday party: "You invited all my friends! Good thinking!". As if Lisa was just going to invite a bunch of random strangers and/or his enemies?